Presidential contender Senator John McCain (R-Ariz.) unleashed a storm of criticism from leading Democrats by naming Governor Sarah Palin (R-Alaska) as his running mate for the November election.

Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton labeled it a “dangerous choice.” “Governor Palin has ‘zero’ foreign policy experience,” Burton asserted. “Can America really afford a person with so little experience so close to the top? The vice-presidency isn’t a place for on-the-job training. We need someone who’s put in their time dealing with these important issues. Senator Biden is that someone in this election cycle.”

A second point emphasized by Burton was Palin’s stance on drilling for oil. “By signing on to the ‘drill here, drill now’ mantra, Governor Palin has placed the selfish demands of the gas-hungry American driver ahead of the need to preserve the pristine wilderness of her own state. Not one inch of this arctic wasteland should be sacrificed for such frivolous ends. We Democrats understand this. Obviously, Senator McCain and his running-dog vice-presidential pick do not.”

Senator Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) called McCain’s decision “a roll of the dice.” “Her lack of experience makes the thought of her assuming the presidency troubling,” Schumer declared. “Why she was only 7 years old when Joe Biden entered the US Senate. His 36 years of service surely trumps her thin resume. McCain has blundered big time. It’s game, set, and match for the Obama-Biden ticket in my opinion.”

Senator Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) said she was shocked by the pick. “What kind of experience does this woman have?” Boxer asked. “She’s certainly no Hillary Clinton. Why, she wasn’t even married to a president.”

Representative Robert Wexler (D-Fla.) questioned whether Palin, whom he characterized as a “Nazi sympathizer,” met the residency requirement for a vice-president. “She doesn’t even live in the continental United States,” Wexler claimed. “Since when is a person from a mere territory eligible for such a high office?”

The lone praise from any high-profile Democrat came from former president Bill Clinton who declared Palin “hot enough to drop my pants for.”

NOW Spokeswoman Says Palin “Not an Authentic Woman”

The chairwoman of the National Organization of Women’s Political Action Committee, Kim Gandy, dismissed the idea that the selection of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin would help Senator McCain get more women’s votes in his run for president.

“Anatomy alone isn’t enough to seal the deal,” Gandy said. “We are looking for an authenticity that confirms a person shares a woman’s perspective on the issues of the day.”

Gandy cited the inauthenticity of conservative Blacks in support of her argument. “Clarence Thomas, Michael Steele, Walter Williams have Black skins, but they don’t have Black values,” Gandy contended. “Likewise, Palin may have a vagina, but she doesn’t have a woman’s values.”

As an example, Gandy pointed out that Governor Palin does not support abortion. “The key issue for women today is whether the law respects their inalienable right to terminate a pregnancy,” Gandy said. “Not only has Governor Palin opposed the right to a legal abortion, she even bore a Downs Syndrome child to term. Averting such a tragedy is the very reason why abortion must remain legal.”

“In contrast, Senator Obama has promised that his first act as president will be to re-legalize partial-birth abortion,” Gandy observed. “And Senator Biden has a long history of support for this critical woman’s right. So, I think it’s pretty clear, that from the authentic woman’s point-of-view, the McCain-Palin ticket is not in the same league as the Obama-Biden duo.”

In related news, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) reiterated her assertion that the Catholic clergy was “full of it” in regard to the criticism she received over her claim that abortion was “one of Christianity’s most sacred of sacraments.” “I can’t find the word ‘abortion’ in the Bible, much less a condemnation of it,” Pelosi said. “There is no foundation for the Pope and these bishops to claim that Jesus would’ve opposed it. Besides, as celibates, I don’t think they have the requisite experience to comprehend all the nuances of this issue.”

Carter Calls McCain POW Experience “Unfair Advantage”

Former president Jimmy Carter said Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s prisoner-of-war experience in Vietnam gives him an unfair advantage over his rival, Senator Obama.

“Senator McCain had the good fortune of being called to fight for his country,” Carter complained. “Getting captured and tortured by the Communists was an opportunity denied to Senator Obama. He was only six years old, living in Indonesia at the time. By the time Barack would’ve been old enough, there were no similar opportunities for him.”

Carter rued the fact that voters weren’t apt to appreciate the hardships Obama had to endure when he was the age McCain was when he was a POW. “Barack was under severe pressure writing his memoir Dreams from My Father,” Carter said. “Writing a memoir at such a young age is difficult. There aren’t a lot of accomplishments to fall back on. The stress was so high that he had to go to Bali to finish his book. People just don’t appreciate that kind of suffering. I wish the media would give this as much coverage as they do McCain getting his arms broken, being put in solitary confinement and threatened with execution by the Vietnamese.”

Putin Likens Russia Move into Georgia to Stalin’s “Defensive Conquest of Poland”

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, calling it a case of history repeating itself, insisted that his country was provoked into the war in Georgia by “the aggressive actions of Georgia and their US enablers.”

“Just as Premier Stalin was forced to defend the motherland by invading Poland and executing the instigators of their war of aggression, we were forced to intervene in Georgia,” Putin asserted. “We are surrounded by the enemies of our progressive politics. Our survival requires that we be ever vigilant lest socialism fall victim to fascist aggression.”

The White House called Putin's remarks “an amazing rewrite of history with sinister portents for the future.”

In 1939, Poland was divided between the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany in accordance with an August agreement negotiated between the two nations prior to Germany’s invasion of Poland in September of that year. In March of 1940, Soviet forces massacred over 20,000 Polish prisoners of war in the Katyn forest.

Leftwing Paper Warns “GOP Smear of Obama on the Way”

The editors of the Boston Globe opined that “Republicans can be counted on to take the low road in their campaign against Obama.”

“Despite the fact that Senator Obama meets every Constitutional requirement to be president, the GOP smear machine is already on record with the claim that he is too inexperienced for the job,” the paper wrote. “Well, if Senator Obama were as old as McCain we’re sure he’d have some worthy achievements to cite. We call ‘low blow’ on the McCain campaign.”

“We confidently predict that the Republicans will take issue with Senator Obama’s program of hope and change,” the editorial continued. “They will say that it is vague or incoherent or contradictory in order to try to undermine the voters’ faith in this unique and inspiring man. We call ‘nitpicking’ on the McCain campaign.

“They will use the words of Senator Obama’s running mate, Senator Joe Biden, against him,” the editors wrote. “But Biden’s assertion that Senator Obama isn’t ready for the job was just campaign rhetoric used for personal advantage, not a true representation of Senator Biden’s real opinion that Obama is a ‘clean and a nice-looking guy.’ Can McCain’s running mate say the same about him? We call ‘bias’ on the McCain campaign.”

“We can only hope that the American people will not be misled by the one-sided slant emanating from the right, and will give this truly remarkable interracial and messianic figure the votes he needs to transform the country,” the editors concluded.

Obama Mocks Cubs Fans

Claiming to be an avid White Sox fan, presidential candidate Senator Obama belittled fans of the Chicago Cubs baseball team.

“Cubs fans aren’t serious students of the game,” Obama charged. “They’re just there to have a few beers and pass the time. It’s probably just as well. Because it’s been 100 years since the Cubs won the Super Bowl.”