Veterans’ Day Tribute: The Caissons Go Rolling Along!

McSally’s Lead Shriveling Up

Freedom candidate Martha McSally still leads in the ongoing vote counting for Arizona’s second congressional district, but her lead is shrinking by the day.

The conservative now leads incumbent Ron Barber, representing the party that wants to CONTROL as much of our lives as possible, by just 179 votes. That represents a net loss of 162 votes for McSally in today’s counting.

And this is pretty much the scenario of the 2012 election between the same two candidates, when McSally led the leftist Barber on election night and then he edged ahead and emerged victorious in the days following the end of the voting season.

This district has not been in conservative hands in a long, long time — decades in fact.

Earlier today, McSally’s campaign asked a court to stop the counting of provisional ballots that were not correctly filed These are  provisional ballots submitted with a missing election official signature. A judge denied the request, even though the McSally campaign said Pima County election officials are not properly following state law. Who would imagine that? Wow, shocking! Democrats almost always seem to prevail in these post-election circuses.

Douglas Officially Wins State Superintendent of Public Instruction Race; Counting Continues in McSally’s Race

Developing …

In her quest to remove Common Core curriculum, Freedom party candidate for state superintendent of public instruction Diane Douglas has officially defeated CONTROL candidate David Garcia. The final margin was just under 18,000 votes.

Freedom party congressional candidate Martha McSally is still leading CONTROL party incumbent Ron Barber — by 341 votes.

The Arizona Daily Star, a left-stream newspaper in Tucson, just filed a story about controversy in this ongoing Congressional District 2 election.

The attorney representing Republican Congressional candidate Martha McSally is threatening legal action to stop Pima County Recorder F. Ann Rodriguez from processing some provisional ballots.

Rodriguez has already refused, saying her office will continue to process the ballots so they may be counted by the County Elections Department as early as Monday.

An attorney representing the McSally campaign and the Republican Party, Eric Spencer, objects to the verification of any provisional ballot that lacks a signature from an election official on the provisional ballot form.

In his letter to county officials, Spencer demanded that the recorder’s office “cease transmitting any previously-verified provisional ballots to the elections department, pending a review of the provisional ballot forms for missing election official signatures.”

Spencer cites the Arizona Secretary of State’s Election Procedures Manual, noting it states the election official must sign the provisional ballot form when a voter turns in a sealed envelope.

He said the campaign is formally challenging the validity of all provisional ballots that have a provisional ballot form with a missing election official signature. There is no indication how many ballots could be involved.

Two hours ago, the McSally campaign posted this message on her Facebook page:

We estimate another 6000 or so Pima County provisional ballots are left to verify and count in CD2 (10,000 for all of Pima County). This will be very very close!

President Ready to Use Executive Action for Amnesty

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Though he did leave open the option of signing an amnesty bill passed by Congress, President Obama vowed to “go it alone if they don’t give me what I want.”

New York politicians Senator Charles Schmer (D) and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio (D) endorsed using a Presidential Executive Order to accomplish immigration reform. “Even if a GOP controlled Congress were to pass an immigration reform bill it is bound to be cluttered with unessential, un-American add-ons like enhanced border security, deportation of criminals and the like,” Schumer warned. “These types of restrictions tarnish America as a beacon of freedom.”

Echoing Senator Schumer, Mayor de Blasio insisted that “America must never shut itself off from people seeking a better life. Republican efforts to try to sort out the so-called worthy from those likely to become public charges is fundamentally inhumane. What society on the planet is more able to afford the burdens of sustaining the indigent, distressed, and demoralized human beings of the world?”

Press Secretary Josh Earnest denied that the recently completed election answered Obama’s taunt last year that “if you don’t like my policies, go out and win an election.” “Tuesday’s election results don’t meet what we consider the minimum threshold for overturning Administration policy on any issue,” Earnest defiantly declared. “They don’t change anything. As the President has pointed out, two-thirds of registered voters didn’t vote. Their silence can be taken as strong evidence of their satisfaction with the way things are going. They had every opportunity to go out and vote against the President’s policies, but they didn’t. We’re pretty confident that this is a solid mandate to stay the course for the President’s agenda.”

Let’s also not forget that the US Government is the most important organization on Earth,” Earnest added. “That makes President Obama, as the ruler of America, the most important person on Earth. He has a duty to act for the benefit of all mankind and cannot let a disagreeable Congress impede his fulfillment of this duty.”

In related news, Attorney General Eric Holder defended his practice of calling political opponents “idiots.” “If we act all polite it conveys a message of possible legitimacy to their point of view,” Holder said. “That’s the exact opposite of what we’re trying to achieve. In contrast, an idiot’s point of view has no legitimacy. It merits no consideration. It shouldn’t even be aired much less listened to.”

Landrieu off to Bad Start in Louisiana Runoff Election

Incumbent Senator Mary Landrieu (D-Louisiana) got off to a bad start in her desperate bid to hold onto her seat. In an attempt to characterize her Republican opponent Bill Cassidy as “unreliable” and “undependable,” Landrieu demanded to know what he had done to help the state recover from 2005’s Hurricane Katrina.

Cassidy, an MD, responded that he had been working to provide medical aid to refugees of the storm. With help from friends and neighbors he and his physicians’ group set up an emergency treatment center in an abandoned K-Mart.

Landrieu shruugged this off as “small potatoes. While my opponent was treating a handful of individual victims I was addressing the bigger problem—the incompetence of the Bush Administration. I might not have directly saved anyone’s life at that time, but I helped lay the groundwork for Democrats to take control of both Houses of Congress in the 2006 elections. Without this majority, President Obama’s Affordable Care Act would never have passed in 2010.”

Joel DiGrado, Cassidy for Senate campaign manager, thanked Landrieu “for clarifying the distinction between the two candidates. It could hardly be more clear that Bill Cassidy is a man of action and a person with a heart. He saw a need and took steps to meet it. In contrast, Landrieu touts her political hectoring of former President Bush and her role in paving the way for Obamacare. It will now be up to voters to decide which of these approaches to problem solving they’d like to see from their state’s Senator.”

City Seizes Art Studio

The Philadelphia Redevelopment Authority (PRA) has received court approval of its seizure of the art studio of James Dupree. It plans to bulldoze it and sell the land to a private grocery chain. Despite renovating a dilapidated warehouse and converting it into an attractive and bustling center for artistic expression, Dupree’s property rights are being sacrificed to the PRA’s vision of what the City needs.

It’s a question of whether the rights of the collective community should take precedence over the rights of a single individual,” PRA Executive Director Ed Covington explained. “Far more people will eat the food sold at the proposed supermarket than will ever see the works of art produced or displayed at Mr. Dupree’s studio. Social justice commands that the benefit of the greater number takes precedence over the rights of one man.”

Covington dismissed the possibility that the supermarket could be built at another location. “I suppose that if we were to search hard enough we might find such a place, but it might not be as conveniently located,” he said. “Should we really undermine the convenience of thousands of shoppers in the name of the abstract property rights of a single individual?”

IRS Admits It Didn’t Really Look for Lois Lerner’s “Lost” Emails

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen admitted that it didn’t exercise much effort to track down emails cited in an investigation of IRS abuses involving harassment of conservative political organizations.

Look, we were between a rock and a hard place,” Koskinen contended. “On the one hand, we have Congress and the Courts demanding we produce these documents. On the other hand, some very powerful and dangerous people were very determined that these documents never be found.”

If we defy Congress and the Courts the worst case scenario is we get held in contempt,” Koskinen pointed out. “It’s embarrassing. We look like crooks to the average American. But if we defy the President, well, he has people who can make you disappear or meet with an untimely accident. Given this same choice I don’t think there’s anyone who would have done it differently.”

Congresswoman Proposes Barack Obama Sperm Bank

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex) says she will introduce legislation that would establish a federally funded Barack Obama sperm bank in the upcoming “lame duck” session of Congress. She says she got the idea from a similar proposal to establish a Vladimir Putin sperm bank in Russia.

We can’t afford to fall behind in what could turn out to be a critical competition to propagate the seed of the nation’s best and brightest,” Lee argued. “Granted, it would be decades before the offspring of President Obama’s banked sperm could be expected to make a strategic difference, but if we fail to act now we will come up short at a possibly crucial time in the future.”

According to Lee, a socially beneficial byproduct of this strategically oriented measure is that “it would give women a better option than shacking up with some lowlife who beats her and steals her welfare money. The President would, of course, still be an absentee father, so the child would qualify for benefits. And if genetics plays true, the child will most likely have a better life than peers sired by criminals and deadbeats.”

In related news, Harvard University announced a new course titled “What What in the Butt: Anal Sex 101.” A spokesperson for the University explained that “the purpose of this course is to help students learn the facts about this exciting, yet often misunderstood form of pleasure. We take pride in staying ahead of the curve by offering to teach skills that less enlightened institutions shy away from out of fear of criticism.”

Elected Black Republicans Called “Traitors to Their Race”

The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) neglected to include Rep. Mia Love (R-Utah) and Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) n its post-election congratulations to African-Americans who won their races.

Cornell William Brooks, President and CEO of the NAACP, characterized the election of the Black conservatives as “more of a setback than an advancement for people of color. These two have bought the right wing propaganda that individual achievement, hard work, and honesty are the way a person gets ahead in this world. Unfortunately, every individually successful Black person dilutes our case for slavery reparations.”

Brooks predicted that Love and Scott “will join their white oppressors in voting against increases in welfare benefits, against racial set-asides, against reparations, and for the kind of strict law enforcement that has disproportionately sent so many of our brothers to prison. They are traitors to their race.”

Rep. Love, who grew up in humble circumstances, cited her father’s advice “to never take a hand-out and never be a burden to society as my guiding light in social, economic, and political philosophy.” This is a view that Brooks contends “puts her diametrically at odds with the vast majority of African Americans.”

Sen. Scott, meanwhile was given an “F” by the NAACP for vowing to “free Black Americans from the trap of dependency that the Democratic Party has lured so many into. The only secure path to a successful life is through personal effort. I will be working toward removing the barriers to this effort erected by Democrats.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Saturday Election Update

Freedom candidate Martha McSally continues to lead incumbent Ron Barber (CONTROL) in the race for the U.S. House of Representatives in Arizona’s 2nd district. Her lead is currently 509 votes.

In the race for State Superintendent of Public Instruction, Freedom candidate Diane Douglas leads CONTROL candidate David Garcia by just under 19,000 votes.

Thursday Night Election Updates

Thursday night update …

With all precincts reporting in in Arizona’s second congressional district, conservative Martha McSally leads CONTROL-your-entire-life candidate and incumbent Ron Barber by 563 votes. At the end of the day yesterday, Pima County still had 46,000-plus votes to count, so this tight race will continue for a few more days yet.

With all the precincts reporting and additional votes to be counted, GOP Doug Ducey owns 53.63 percent of the vote for governor. CONTROL’s Comrade Fred DuVal owns 41.35 percent.

Diane Douglas (GOP) leads David Garcia (CONTROL) by just over 20,000 votes in the race for Superintendent of Public Instruction.

In the Legislative District 6 (Heber-Overgaard area) race for state senator, Sylvia Allen holds a lead of 1,790 votes over Independent Thomas O’Halleran. All the precincts are in.

In the closely contested Proposition 122, the yes vote has a lead of just under 28,000 votes. Though ballot counting continues, it should be a done deal.

As of the end of Wednesday, the secretary of state’s office reported the following on votes still needing to be counted:

COUNTY ESTIMATED OUTSTANDING BALLOTS
as of 5:00 p.m.:  11/05/2014
EARLY PROVISIONALS TOTAL
APACHE                                        3,015                                   1,424        4,439
 COCHISE                                        2,081                                   1,141        3,222
 COCONINO  Waiting on 2 precincts before reporting totals              -
 GILA                                        3,300                                   1,461        4,761
 GRAHAM                                              -                                          -              -
 GREENLEE                                              -                                          -              -
 LA PAZ                                           198                                       171           369
 MARICOPA                                   170,000                                 40,000   210,000
 MOHAVE                                        4,250                                   1,653        5,903
 NAVAJO                                        1,734                                   1,315        3,049
 PIMA                                     36,728                                 10,131      46,859
 PINAL                                     25,000                                   2,979      27,979
 SANTA CRUZ                                           712                                       498        1,210
 YAVAPAI                                        3,700                                   1,500        5,200
 YUMA                                        6,087                                   1,118        7,205
TOTALS                                   256,805                                 63,391   320,196

Updating Election Results 2014

As of Wednesday morning, here’s where things stand in key and closely contested races:

STATEWIDE OFFICES (1,517 of 1,566 precincts reporting in)

Republican Doug Ducey has a lead of 144,000 votes over *CONTROL’s Comrade Fred DuVal. Ducey has nearly 54 percent of the vote, to DuVal’s 41 percent.

In his acceptance speech, Ducey focused on the economy and fiscal issues: “If anyone needs to cut back, it will be government and not the hardworking taxpayers of this state.” He wants to create opportunities for citizens.

Ducey raised $10 million, and DuVal said he raised $4 million.

DuVal said he campaigned on women’s rights. But Planned Parenthood, one of his key supporters, places quotas on clinics to generate revenue off women’s crisis pregnancies, placing profit before women’s well-being. Post-abortive women suffer heightened risks of breast cancer, though Planned Parenthood and other leftists deny this scientific fact.

Attorney General: Republican Mark Brnovich is leading CONTROL’s Felicia Rotellini by 6+ percentage points.

Secretary of State: Michele Reagan, a liberal Republican, leads CONTROL’s Terry Goddard by 4+ percentage points.

State Superintendent of Public Instruction: Diane Douglas (GOP) increased her lead to 2.3 percentage points over David Garcia (CONTROL). That’s the tightest of the statewide races.

CONGRESSIONAL RACES (With one exception, all precincts have reported in)

In a Southern Arizona district, conservative Martha McSally is 26 votes ahead of incumbent Ron Barber (CONTROL). The same thing happened two years ago, when McSally led on election night, but in the days of vote counting then she eventually lost to Barber.145 of the 194 precincts are in for this District 2 race.

Former legislator Andy Tobin did lose to CONTROL incumbent Ann Kirkpatrick, a notoriously poor lawmaker, 53-46 percent.

STATE LEGISLATURE (89 of 89 precincts in)

Conservative champion Sylvia Allen has forged ahead of Independent Thomas O’Halleran, by more than 1,600 votes. Allen has 51.48 percent of the votes, to her opponent’s 48.32. If her lead holds up, Republicans will have a 17-13 majority in the Arizona State Senate. Republicans will command a 37-23 majority in the state House of Representatives.

JUDGE NORRIS FIRED

We recommended that Superior Court (Maricopa County) Judge Benjamin Norris be defeated by voters. He became the first judge in Arizona to be voted out in 36 years.

PROPOSITIONS (1,517 OF 1,566)

The only prop still to be decided is 122, which has a slim lead of 51.3 percent to 48.7 percent. This is the proposition that will allow Arizona lawmakers to over-ride radical, unconstitutional federal laws. Though these laws are not as likely to succeed with the congressional Democrats’ complete collapse in the mid-term elections.

Prop 487 lost in the City of Phoenix — allowing unfunded pensions and pension spiking to continue unabated. This places Phoenix on the same trajectory as bankrupt cities like Detroit. Socialist control of Phoenix will eventually come home to its natural, failing roost.

NOT SO MYSTERIOUS “DARK MONEY”

Page 1 of the Democrats’ playbook is: accuse your opponents of what you, yourself, are doing. Then: act shocked that this activity is going on!

In election night TV interviews in Phoenxi, Goddard, Rotellini and Congressman-elect Ruben Gallego focused on mysterious “dark money” and complained about negative ads. But the party of CONTROL sets the standard for negative, truth-defying advertising and campaigning, the politics of personal destruction and identity. No one is shocked at CONTROL hypocrisy. The darling of Planned Parenthood, Michele Reagan, agrees with the CONTROL candidates on “dark money.” Goddard accused all the candidates “who are leading” of receiving “dark money.” Yet Barack Obama is the all-time champion of receiving illegal campaign contributions, especially bundled money from illegal international sources and stimulus money for unions funneled back into his and other Democrats’ campaign coffers.  Goddard also called corporate contributions to candidates “unprecedented,” leading to the questions: where has he been? And does he really think he is believable? Gallego complained about the Koch brothers supporting candidates seeking freedom for their constituents. CONTROL candidates have the low moral ground on the issue of campaign contributions; they just aren’t willing to admit it.

And incidentally, MSNBC — television’s home for socialism — reports that Democrats are the champions of dark money. The Washington Post, a leader of the left stream media, reported on Democrats’ love affair with dark money groups like the Democracy Alliance.

*CONTROL is our moniker for socialists and other candidates whose political party seeks ultimate — and unnecessary — control of your life.

Governor-Elect Ducey will have a Republican Legislature to Work with

SPECIAL BULLETIN

Republicans will maintain control of the Arizona Legislature. Republicans are on their way to victory in 16 state Senate races, the party of CONTROL* has won 13 seats. The only issue in doubt is in District 6.

Former lawmakers Sylvia Allen (Republican) and Thomas O’Halleran (Independent) are locked in a very close race. With just over half the precincts reporting, O’Halleran leads by about 600 votes. Allen got into the race very late when the conservative incumbent, Chester Crandall, died in a horseback riding accident near Heber just days before the August primary. The late Crandall won unopposed, but Allen was able to replace him on the GOP ticket.

If Allen wins the seat, the GOP will have a 17-13 Senate majority. If O’Halleran wins the seat, the GOP will hold 16 seats, the party of CONTROL 13 and there would be one Independent seat.

Republicans are claiming 37 Arizona House of Representative seats, CONTROL 23 seats.

So Governor-elect Ducey will have a Republican majority to work with for the first two years of his first term.

STATEWIDE RACES

Doug Ducey appears on his way to becoming Arizona’s next governor. Fellow Republicans are leading Democrats in all of the other statewide office elections with 1,103 of 1,566 precincts reporting in these state office contests.

Ducey, former state treasurer, leads Comrade Fred DuVal of the party of CONTROL 53-41 percent. The good news is that Arizona will avoid the record spending binges and budget deficits that DuVal would have accrued had he been elected. It would have been a repeat of the Napolitano years when the former governor spent money far faster that the state could generate revenues. But under Governor Ducey, fiscal sanity is a certainty.

We also believe — and certainly hope — Ducey’s administration will be friendly to life, liberty and family. He gave every intention to the Center for Arizona Policy that this would be the case, and we urge him to hold true.

In the race for attorney general, GOP Mark Brnovich has a lead of 66,000 votes over CONTROL candidate Felicia Rotellini, 53.4 percent to 46.6 percent.

Secretary of state race is a little closer. Liberal Republican Michele Reagan has 52 percent of the vote, surprising frequent CONTROL candidate and former attorney general, Terry Goddard, 48 percent.

Closer still is the race between Republican Diane Douglas and CONTROL’s David Garcia. Douglas leads by about 1,500 votes, with 50.87 percent of the vote to Garcia’s 49.08. Douglas wants to get rid of the Big Socialism education curriculum, Common Core. Garcia would be a disaster for Arizona’s children.

Jeff DeWit, another Republican, is running unopposed for state treasurer.

The party of CONTROL refused to allow its members to select candidates for governor or attorney general. No one other than Comrade DuVal, who wants to move Arizona forward communist style, or Rottelini, were allowed to compete for those nominations in the August primary election.

CONGRESSIONAL RACES

Conservative Congressmen Matt Salmon, Trent Franks, Paul Gosar and David Schweikert are all sailing to victory.

Salmon said: “Tonight’s election results make one thing exceedingly clear: Arizonans want their elected officials to get government out of the way and support policies that will let the private sector thrive and create jobs.”

CONTROL incumbents Kyrsten Sinema, Ron Barber, and Raul Grijalva are all on their way to re-election as well.

Ann Kirkpatrick, another CONTROL incumbent, is pulling away from Andy Tobin in a congressional race, and now leads by 5 percentage points with 177 of 327 precincts in.

Ruben Gallego (CONTROL) has sewn up election in the congressional seat held for many years by the retired Ed Pastor.

The top vote-getters, in order, for Arizona Corporation Commission are Republicans Doug Little and Tom Forese and then CONTROL’s Sandra Kennedy a distant third.

Judges

Among judges up for retention, Scott Bales is winning handily. He was appointed by former Gov. Janet Napolitano (CONTROL).

Props

Prop 122, which will stem out of control federal government interference with Arizona, is barely ahead, by just one percent.

The Right to Try prop, 303, is winning big.

And as it has done numerous times, the attempt to raise state legislator pay (Prop 304) is losing bigtime.

In Phoenix, the unfunded/pension spiking madness is likely to continue. Prop 487 is up 55 to 45 percent.

CONCLUSION

All in all, it’s a good night for America and Arizona (on the 11th anniversary of The Arizona Conservative, No. 1 cultural commentator in the state). Though politics is downstream from culture, tonight’s results are a good sign that people have had enough of Big Government Socialism, the Obama Administration, and the do-nothing U.S. Senate under Harry Reid’s abdication of responsibility and leadership. This is also a great day for the sanctity of life, for families, and especially for free speech and religious liberty.

We remember the wisdom of President Reagan, one of the five truly great presidents in this nation, who said during his first inaugural address:

“We are a nation that has a government—not the other way around. And this makes us special among the nations of the Earth. Our government has no power except that granted it by the people. It is time to check and reverse the growth of government, which shows signs of having grown beyond the consent of the governed.”

Thank you for coming here to consult our election recommendations and coverage.

May God bless America.

* The reason we refer to Democrats as the party of CONTROL is because their radical philosophy is to try to control every aspect of your lives — to your detriment.

Ebola Czar Said to Be ‘Leading by Example’

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Since he was appointed as President Obama’s “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain has disappeared from sight. Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest tried to reassure the media, saying that “I recognize that all of you have not had a chance to see him and talk to him every day, but the president certainly has.”

Klain’s exceptionally “low profile” is “all according to plan,” Earnest said. “Ron is leading by example. The best way not to get the disease is by scrupulously avoiding contact with anyone who might be infected. By staying out of sight and not venturing forth to meet anyone for any reason he is keeping himself safe from infection.”

We are hoping that this exemplary self-discipline will serve as a model for voluntary compliance with the President’s desire that people take precautions on their own,” Earnest added. “The fact that Ron can do this by himself demonstrates that we do not need a quarantine on travelers from the west African nations currently being ravaged by the disease.”

Let me close by assuring the American people that their worst fear regarding this deadly disease has virtually no chance of coming about,” Earnest promised. “The president is, and will be, protected at all times. No one who has any prospect of carrying this infection will be permitted within spitting or sneezing range. The Secret Service has been instructed to use lethal force, if necessary, to insure his safety.”

NY Dems Warn Voters

The New York State Democratic Committee (NYSDC) has sent out letters to registered Party members warning them that they are being watched to see if they vote in this election. While the letter tried to assure the recipients that their ballots would be secret, it emphasized that “whether you vote is a matter of public record.”

NYSDC Chairman, former New York Governor David Patrick, characterized the note as a “friendly reminder. The Democratic Party has done its part to secure a lot of benefits for these people. It’s only fair that they do their share to help keep the cash flowing into the welfare programs.”

Patrick denied that the letters might be perceived as threats. “They’re no more threatening than having your big brother point out the importance of good behavior. We’re all one big happy family. Each member has got to do his or her part.”

Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) argued that “the minimal effort we are asking pales in comparison to the fate that awaits Democratic voters if Republicans win, namely, a return to virtual slavery, as programs are slashed and people are forced to take jobs in order to support themselves.”

Rangel also suggested that “if the registered voter is unable or unwilling to cast a ballot himself, he at least owes it to the Party to give us advance notice so we can send a proxy to sub for him at the polls. He shouldn’t just let this opportunity to help elect Democrats go to waste.”

In related news, Senator Mary Landrieu (D-La) blamed her sagging poll numbers on “racism and sexism. I am truly ashamed that the citizens of my state are putting their prejudices ahead of their loyalty to me and the President. I’ve done everything I could to back President Obama’s program for America. Instead of thanks I’m getting the heave-ho because of the same kind of bigotry that has long stained Louisiana history.”

Republicans Manipulating Statistics for Political Gain

In remarks this week, former President Bill Clinton denounced GOP attempts to “cash-in” on people’s “misery” under Democratic policies and programs for “political gain.”

Republicans want voters to focus on the lack of economic growth and the huge number of people who can’t get jobs since Democrats took control of the federal government,” Clinton complained. “They want voters to overlook the flip side of this coin. Expansion of benefit programs have made work unnecessary for a growing segment of the population. The increased amount of leisure time our policies have made possible doesn’t show up in the statistics Republicans like to cite.”

Clinton expressed a hope that “the outmoded ‘work ethic’ of previous generations will be seen for what it really is—a sentence to ‘hard labor’ for minimal profit. Once voters realize that there is no shame in living a life free from drudgery, that their needs can be easily met through the generosity of government, they’ll come to their senses and vote Democrat. Ideally, this will happen sooner rather than later.”

While the former president exuded a barely concealed pessimism about this year’s elections, he was far more optimistic about 2016 “when the albatross of the ‘Obama brand’ is removed from around the neck of the Democratic Party. The same policies under a more competent Democratic leadership will, I think, be just the ticket for success at the polls two years from now.”

In related news, the New Mexico Center for Law and Poverty has filed suit to block a state law that would require childless adults to work, search for a job, or participate in community service or job training in order to qualify for government food stamps. Center Director Kim Posich insists that “the work requirement is the very same ‘involuntary servitude’ that was outlawed by the 13th Amendment to the US Constitution. If people don’t want to work that is their unalienable right. For the government to threaten to withhold subsistence as a method of coercing them to work is extortion, pure and simple.”

Administration Bureaucrat Says Canceled Health Insurance an “Invitation”

As more and more people are bounced out of health insurance plans they liked, Health and Human Services Regional Director Joanne Grossie insisted on calling the cancellations “invitations to obtain better plans.”

A lot of times people will lapse into being satisfied with an inferior product or service out of pure inertia,” Grossie maintained. “By outlawing substandard policies the Affordable Care Act forces people to upgrade to better plans.”

Grossie rejected the idea that a person might genuinely prefer a so-called substandard policy. “A single man might think he has no need to pay for coverage of gynecological services, maternity leave, or abortion, but our experts have determined that this is shortsighted and selfish,” Grossie said. “Every man is potentially capable of contributing to a woman’s need for such services and shouldn’t be allowed to shirk his responsibility to share in the cost of delivering them.”

The claim that a gay man has no need to pay for this type of coverage is another false argument,” she contended. “Unless he is castrated he still has the capacity to cause a pregnancy. To guard against this possibility he must have coverage.”

Reports that premiums are soaring for the “better plans” was characterized as a “phony controversy” by Grossie. “To get more, you have to expect to pay more. You may have thought you were happy driving a Chevy, but when the government upgrades you to a Cadillac you shouldn’t gripe that it costs more.”

DOJ Declines to Investigate Emerging Evidence of Vote Fraud

Recent reports of non-citizens voting, multiple voter registrations in different states for the same person, ballots cast by dead voters, and voting machines that flip votes from Republicans to Democrats are unworthy of further investigation, says US Attorney General Eric Holder.

First of all, there could be very good reasons why all of these alleged violations are bogus,” Holder declared. “For example, the notion that non-citizens shouldn’t be allowed to vote is, arguably, a human rights violation. Non-citizens are impacted by government policies. Why shouldn’t they have the right to participate in the selection of those who will make and implement these policies?”

Likewise, a person may own properties in several states and have a keen interest in policies that can affect the value of these properties in each of these states,” Holder pointed out. “Striking such a person from multiple voter registration rolls would deny him the opportunity to defend his property rights at the ballot box.”

Finally, everyone agrees that whatever voting irregularities might exist, they can only change outcomes when the voting is pretty evenly split between contenders,” the AG continued. “It’s not like a decisive margin for a particular candidate is going to be undone by any of these controversial voting practices. If voters are virtually split down the middle, I don’t see how it can be judged a serious disenfranchisement if either candidate is the one who ultimately takes office. Given this tiny impact I don’t believe investing effort to try to ferret out so-called cheating would be worthwhile or a good use of taxpayers’ dollars.”

Philadelphia Cracks Down on UberX

Lee Rudakewich’s car was impounded and held for $1,000 ransom by the Philadelphia Parking Authority. His crime: offering to drive a willing customer to his chosen destination.

Vince Fenerty, the Philadelphia Parking Authority’s Director, rejected the argument that the provided transportation occurring between consenting adults was no business of the City government. “In this city it is not sufficient that private individuals are satisfied with a transaction of this sort,” Fenerty said. “How a person uses his own car is within the purview of our authority. We do not approve of these unregulated uses.”

Fenerty contended that “the privilege of accepting money for giving a person a ride is not available to just anyone. The taxi companies in this city have paid a hefty sum for the exclusive right to provide such service. It is our duty to protect their monopoly as a quid pro quo.”

Neither was Fenerty impressed with the potential for innovations like UberX to help reduce traffic congestion and air pollution, which are “not part of the Authority’s mission. Let’s not forget that traffic congestion helps boost gasoline consumption and the tax revenues associated with that. As far as I’m concerned, people like Rudakewich represent a menace to the City’s revenue stream. There is no need for us to show him any mercy.”

Top Democrat Says Republicans Scarier than Ebola, ISIS

Democratic National Committee Woman, Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Fla), agreed with CNN host Candy Crowley that Republicans are scarier than either the deadly Ebola virus or the ISIS terrorist army.

Bad as Ebola and ISIS, or ISIL as the President calls it, may be they have the saving grace of representing a nondiscriminatory threat to all Americans,” Wasserman-Schultz contended. “The depredations of the GOP are exclusively targeted against Democratic candidates and Democratic constituencies. If Republicans are successful in selling their message to the voters it will exclusively be Democrats who are turned out of office. It will be exclusively Democratic clienteles who will lose their champions of a wide array of government benefits and subsidies.”

So, my message to Democratic voters is not to be diverted from the very explicit threat to their way of life that a Republican victory on November 4th would impose on them,” the DNC Chair advised. “If you like free stuff and free time, if you don’t want to be harangued into taking a dreary dead end job, get out and vote for every Democrat you can.”

Kerry May Be on Way Out at State

Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) hints that Secretary of State John Kerry may be ousted sometime after the November elections are over. “At best, his performance at this job has been underwhelming,” Blumenthal asserted. “Many of his public statements evince a poor and almost dimwitted perception of the issues. He has grievously embarrassed both himself and President Obama.”

Anonymous White House officials complain that “Kerry is out of sync with the Administration. It’s not so much a case of being wrong about the President’s policies as it is too openly expressing them. On issue after issue Kerry’s candor is repeatedly disclosing matters that should have remained confidential.”

Kerry’s lack of discretion was contrasted to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s “instinctive understanding of her role in this regard. Her bold, in-your-face ‘what difference does it make’ testimony before Congress on the Benghazi massacre effectively deflected GOP intrusion into the foreign policy prerogatives of the President. Kerry, on the other hand, has been drawing unwanted attention to the President’s intentions before they can become irreversibly solidified.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Gilbert School District Upholds Life and Law, but Danger of Leftist Board Members Remains

Gilbert is one of the most conservative cities in America. But even conservative cities are plagued by leftists gaining positions of power. And this was made apparent again today.

The news release from Alliance Defending Freedom arrived in my inbox this morning, stating: “Ariz. schools choose life-affirming curriculum.” But the headline doesn’t tell the whole story.

Gilbert’s public school board voted 3-2 in favor of complying with Arizona law and providing curriculum to students that encourages child birth over elective abortion.

The amazing thing is the governing board tasked with leading the education of public school students in one of the larger cities in our state has two members who want to teach children that 1) it’s okay to defy state law; and 2) that human life is not worthy of protection. This is the wrong message to send to students, faculty, and community members alike. And it’s why we recently editorialized about the need for change in our school boards and the flawed worldview perpetuated by the public schools.

Kudos to the three board members who sent a message to their students and the greater community to comply with law and to respect the sanctity of human life.

Lily Tram and Jill Humpherys voted no, claiming they needed more community input on whether or not to obey state law.Take this blog message as “community input”: uphold the sanctity of human life AND state law.

Thanks to ADF for sending a letter to the board and making a presentation on supporting the law and upholding the dignity of human life.

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