This is FREEDOM

Mexican President Calls Perry Border Policy “Unneighborly”

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto castigated Texas Governor Rick Perry’s deployment of National Guard troops on the U.S.-Mexican border as “unneighborly. He’s like that Clint Eastwood character in Gran Torino telling my people to get off his lawn.”

For decades my people have become accustomed to the ability to pass freely between our two countries,” Peña said. “In our minds this clearly establishes an ‘easement’ right to travel over these roads and pathways. For Governor Perry to suddenly seek to terminate these rights is an affront.”

Peña indicated that he plans to bring the issue up before the United Nations. “America’s trampling of human rights has become a growing problem for us,” Peña complained. “While the United States may be the 800 lb. gorilla in our bilateral relationship they can’t stand against the whole of humanity represented by the UN.”

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon promised “to give this matter serious consideration. The Earth belongs to all of humanity. The right of any individual to move about in any part of it cannot be denied by any secular power. The fact that Mexicans have been crossing the Texas border unopposed for generations would seem to have built a strong case for the easement right claimed by President Peña.”

Peña brushed off contentions that his country has also been unneighborly by continuing to imprison US Marine Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi for inadvertently crossing into Mexico with guns in the trunk of his vehicle. “There is no right to bear arms in Mexico,” Peña pointed out. “If we let this man go it will set a bad example for others. His case is in no way comparable. First off, he is one man. The persons impacted by Governor Perry’s edict number in the tens, maybe hundreds of thousands. Few of them are armed, but even if they were, America’s Constitution guarantees their right to own and carry firearms.”

School Confiscates American Flags from Students

Woodruff High School in Spartanburg, South Carolina confiscated American flags from the vehicles of four students this past week.

The school’s principal, Aaron Fulmer, explained that “professions of patriotism do not write a ‘blank check’ for egregious behavior. Many of our undocumented students may feel intimidated by such flagrant demonstrations. And as President Obama has pointed out, the American flag, like the Confederate flag, is seen as a symbol of oppression in many parts of the world.”

Flaunting so-called American exceptionalism also contradicts the lesson of humility our school is trying to inculcate,” Fulmer said. “The United States is just one country out of hundreds. It is inappropriate for students to be acting like America is special and somehow better than anywhere else.”

Fulmer was less certain about the possibility of confiscating other flags that have been brandished around the country. “A Mexican flag may be a reassuring symbol of a far away home that an immigrant misses,” Fulmer speculated. “Who are we to take that away from them?”

As for confiscating the ISIS flags that have popped up elsewhere, Fulmer admitted that “that would be difficult. I wouldn’t know the flag if I saw it. And I wouldn’t want to risk angering some very dangerous people.”

IRS Poised to Start Taxing Employer Provided Lunches

Some employers provide employees with company-paid free lunches. The idea is to keep workers at their desks and improve productivity. The expense has normally been lumped in with other expenses as a cost of doing business. The IRS now wants to tax these lunches as income to the employees.

IRS spokesperson Jason Coveter explained that “most employees have to furnish their own lunches. Whether they go out and buy it or bring it from home, they are bearing this cost themselves. It is unfair for other employees to get a lunch paid for by their employer. We’re just trying to level the playing field.”

The “leveling” will be retroactive “to help rectify previous wrongs,” according to Coveter. “We’re going to try to go back at least a few years if we can,” he said. “Consuming free lunches is kind of a social crime and we’re using a sort of ‘statute of limitations’ model that would impose a significant penalty, but not an unlimited one.”

Some taxpayers could end up owing thousands in back taxes and penalties. Not to worry says Coveter, though. “We will have easy payment plans in place that will allow those who owe to pay in installments over the course of a year or two.”

Other employer provided amenities that are in line for future IRS scrutiny include free parking, heating/cooling, lights, and toilet facilities. “Those are all things that the employee has to pay for when he’s at home,” Coverter said. “There’s no good reason why he should be relieved of the cost of these burdens just because he’s at work.”

Germany Strikes Blow Against ISIS

The German Government has decided to strike back against the ISIS reign of terror in Iraq and Syria by revoking its access to civic amenities.

Included in the ban would be the total loss of privileges to use public facilities such as meeting rooms at libraries, ramadas at public parks, and participation in public parades. In addition, security personnel at sporting events will be instructed to deny admittance to anyone wearing Isis symbols including hats, t-shirts or other garb with the organization’s insignia.

Defense minister Thomas de Mazière, characterized the restrictions as “a measured response. We want to give them the chance to feel the bite of these penalties and see if it reforms their behavior before considering more aggressive actions.”

Holder Says Arming Mexican Drug Cartels “Our Ace in the Hole” vs. ISIL Infiltrators

While a key part of President Obama’s strategy to combat ISIL involves arming supposed enemies of that organization, a program that has previously been roundly criticized is now being bandied about as “prescient” and “visionary” by Attorney General Eric Holder. The program: “Fast and Furious.”

What the President’s critics have lambasted as wrongheaded and improvident is starting to look pretty good now that ISIL has vowed to infiltrate the United States via our southern border,” Holder bragged. “The Mexican drug cartels are very territorial about what crosses over this border. They won’t be too friendly toward ISIL actions that may threaten their smuggling profits.”

Holder hailed “the toughness of these people. As we have seen they are every bit as vicious as the thugs running ISIL. They have murdered hundreds—many by beheading. And with the huge volume of firearms we have helped them acquire they are well-prepared to defend their perceived turf against these ISIL interlopers.”

Jennifer Lasley, a senior official in the Department of Homeland Security’s intelligence and analysis office concurred in Holder’s take on the issue. “These Mexican gangs are scary. Setting them up to be our first line of defense against potential ISIL infiltration was a stroke of genius that the Administration won’t get enough credit for.”

It’s possible, though, that ISIL might use a portion of its profits from sale of oil from the wells it seized in Iraq to bribe the cartels for a truce and passage through their border fiefdoms. Should this occur, Holder vowed that “we will put our heads together to try to come up with a ‘plan B.’”

In related news, Rep. Eddie Johnson (D-Tex) argues that “the beheading of those journalists doesn’t warrant the war President Obama now seems eager to initiate. That was only two guys. As many or more are murdered every week in the President’s home town. So, is he going to launch air strikes against the gangs that are terrorizing the streets of Chicago? Aren’t they more dangerous to more Americans than ISIS?”

Senator Udall Says Debates “Not Part of My Strategy”

Sitting Senator Mark Udall (D-Colo) refuses to debate his GOP opponent Cory Gardner, saying that a proposed televised debate is “not part of my strategy for reelection.”

These live debates are such a crap shoot,” Udall groused. “You can’t carefully craft your message. You only have a few seconds to compose answers to off-the-wall questions. The risk of a misstatement is high.”

Rather than endanger the major investment his campaign has made in focus group-vetted platitudes by debating, Udall expressed satisfaction with his plan to bombard voters with dinner-time robocalls. “The beauty of these is that a candidate has total control over what is said,” he boasted. “A brief message that pushes a couple of key buttons can reach thousands of voters per hour. Why should I ruin that by stumbling through a debate?”

Press Secretary Chides Golf Clubs

The Trump National Golf Club, Winged Foot and Willow Ridge rejected requests to let President Obama play on their golf courses over the Labor Day weekend. This mightily irked Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest.

These clubs put the needs and convenience of their members ahead of the needs and convenience of the President of the United States,” Earnest charged. “It’s a clear case of misplaced priorities.”

The inconveniences to golf club members would’ve been substantial. All other golfers would’ve been barred from the course while the President played through.

Where’s their sense of patriotism?” Earnest wondered. “The President is Commander-in-Chief. Where’s their sense of social conscience? Their club members are part of the wealthiest segment of society. The President is the representative of all the people, including the lowliest among us. Where’s their sense of humanity? The President has the hardest job in the world. Surely that entitles him to some much needed relaxation. It’s just so cruel and unfair.”

To try to make amends, Donald Trump offered to allow Obama unlimited access to all of the golf courses he owns if the President would only resign from office. “His mouthpiece is asking for a sense of humanity,” Trump observed. “How about a win-win situation where Obama is relieved of his burdens while the world is rescued from his incompetence?”

Kerry Says Islamic State Is Not Islamic

US Secretary of State John Kerry challenged ISIL’s definition of itself and insisted that the self-proclaimed Islamic State is not, in fact, Islamic.

I studied Islam in college,” Kerry asserted. “None of the books I read or classes I took mentioned anything about beheading unbelievers or raping women. I’ll stack this up against the mutterings of an uneducated terrorist any day of the week.”

Palestinian-Jordanian politician Muhammad Bayoudh Al-Tamimi disagreed with Kerry and maintained that ISIL’s “actions and words stem directly from the Quran and Sunna—two of Islam’s most sacred texts.”

A spokesman for ISIL suggested that “perhaps this chattering moron, Kerry, has not read the right books or listened to the words of practicing believers. If he falls into our hands we will give him the opportunity to rectify this gap in his education. Then we will cut his head off as the Quran commands.”

IRS Chief Says “We Try to Follow the Law Whenever We Can”

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen told the House Ways and Means subcommittee that “as a general rule, we try to follow the law whenever we can.” Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Tex), who leads the subcommittee, expressed the idea that the IRS ought to always follow the law and asked for instances in which Koskinen thought breaking the law might be necessary.

Laws are such static things,” Koskinen observed. “They don’t necessarily provide for every possible contingency. If the President feels that there is a gap in the law we’re not going to allow ourselves to be stymied by the lack of legislative authorization for what needs to be done.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Radical Activist Judge Defies Arizona Constitution

By Cathi Herrod, President, Center for Arizona Policy

“Today, U.S. District Judge John Sedwick ruled narrowly that Arizona must recognize the marriage of two men who were legally married in another state. This decision was driven by politics, not constitutional law.

While the ruling is narrow, Judge Sedwick also stated in his order that Arizona probably would be required to permit same sex marriages despite the definition of marriage as the union of one man and one woman found in Arizona’s constitutional marriage amendment approved by the people in 2008 and found in Arizona law since statehood.

Arizona has become the latest victim of a politically driven judiciary.

The U.S. Supreme Court has affirmed the right of every state to define marriage, yet Judge Sedwick has joined the judicial stampede of other lower federal judges who have tried to override or ignore marriage laws based on no precedent other than their own political bias.

We all know this issue will ultimately end up before the U.S. Supreme Court. That Court has scheduled a September 29 conference to determine whether and which state marriage amendment cases to accept for review. A ruling likely will be issued by next summer.

Political and cultural winds may shift, but the foundational value and purpose of marriage between one man and one woman remains.

Regardless of how the courts rule, two truths will endure:

  1. No court will ever be the final arbiter of the definition of marriage. All those who say supporters of one man, one woman marriage are on the wrong side of history have a very short and narrow view of history. Just as the Roe v. Wade decision began the public policy debate about legalized abortion, so too the public policy debate about marriage has only just begun.
  2. The bonds between a child and their father and mother are irreplaceable. While many children tragically are not able to experience the joy and benefits of having a loving mom and dad, public policy should provide every opportunity to give children a mom and a dad, yet today’s decision is the first step that will block more children from that opportunity.

Center for Arizona Policy’s commitment to advocating for marriage and family is stronger than ever. No matter what a court may say, we will continue to work towards making Arizona the best state to raise a family.”

Arizona Parents can ‘Thank’ Kyrsten Sinema for Loss of Their Children’s Health Insurance Due to Obamacare

Wendy Rogers has released the following statement criticizing Kyrsten Sinema’s, the far left candidate for Congress, record on Obamacare:

“Kyrsten Sinema has been a longtime advocate of universal healthcare.  She readily admits having authored parts of Obamacare.  She routinely misled the people of Arizona by parroting the Obama administration’s talking points, to include the lie ‘if you like your doctor (or insurance plan), you can keep it.’[1]  In 2009 before the vote on Obamacare, as a cheerleader for the Obama administration, Sinema perpetuated this lie to countless audiences while barnstorming across Arizona.[2] Since then, however, thousands of Arizonans are suffering from the lie since they’ve now lost their insurance or their doctors from before the law was passed,” said Rogers.

“In a recent interview with The Arizona Republic, Robert Meyer, the CEO of the Phoenix Children’s Hospital, said that 20 children are coming to his facility every day only to find that Phoenix Children’s Hospital is NOT covered by their insurance because of Obamacare.  Previously, they may have had coverage which included Phoenix Children’s Hospital, but since Obamacare brought about the creation of ‘narrow network’ plans, now their choices are drastically reduced to only a select few facilities.  Parents are left with a stark choice – either take their loved one somewhere unfamiliar or try to argue with their insurance company to receive out-of-network coverage for their sick child, something which Meyer notes ‘causes tremendous anxiety for the parents and families that are going through major crisis.’”[3]

“Despite these terrible flaws, Kyrsten Sinema refuses to back down.  Regardless, she voted against the repeal of Obamacare saying ‘the fundamentals of [the program] are good,’[4]  . . . in the face of all the contrary evidence.  At the very least, Kyrsten Sinema should go on record to say she was wrong for supporting Obamacare and spreading the Obama administration’s lie to Arizonans.  Obamacare hurts families.  I’m a mother – – it pains me deeply to see bad government policy continue to hurt children.  Obamacare is wrong for our nation, and Kyrsten Sinema should be ashamed for supporting it.”

General Election Endorsements

The Arizona Conservative is endorsing candidates for public office in the Grand Canyon State in advance of the November 4 general elections. Voters have two choices: candidates who will champion FREEDOM for the individual and those who will push policies that deny and reduce personal freedoms – the candidates of socialism and excessive government CONTROL of your life. Whom do you want in office? Those who will protect your constitutional freedom, or those who would expand government and take away more and more of your freedom, controlling more and more of your life? Your vote will impact every facet of American society and culture. Please make informed and intelligent decisions. Vote on values and principle, not on personalities and negative advertising. Compare what candidates actually say and how they have legislated previously; if you do this, you will find that many candidates from the party of CONTROL will not be as truthful.

Office Freedom Control
Governor Doug Ducey Fred DuVal
Secretary of State Chris Campas, Terry Goddard
Attorney General Mark Brnovich Felicia Rotellini
State Treasurer Jeff DeWitt
Supt. Of Public Instruction Diane Douglas Sharon Thomas, David Garcia
Mining Inspector Joe Hart Manuel Cruz
Congress-District 1 Ann Kirkpatrick
Congress-District 2 Martha McSally Ron Barber
Congress-District 3 Gabriela Saucedo Mercer Raul Grijalva
Congress-District 4 Paul Gosar Mikel Weisser
Congress-District 5 Matt Salmon
Congress-District 6 David Schweikert
Congress-District 7 Steve Gallardo, Cesar Chavez
Congress-District 8 Trent Franks Helmuth Hack
Congress-District 9 Wendy Rogers Kyrsten Sinema

Arizona Legislature

District 1

Senate:

House: Karen Fann

District 2

Senate:

House:

District 3

Senate:

House:

District 4

Senate: Connie Uribe

House:

District 5

Senate: Kelli Ward

House:

District 6

Senate: Sylvia Allen

House: Brenda Barton

District 7

Senate:

House:

District 8

Senate: Irene Littleton

House:

District 9

Senate:

House:

District 10

Senate:

House:

District 11

Senate: Steve Smith

House: Vince Leach, Mark Finchem

District 12

Senate: Andy Biggs

House: Eddie Farnsworth, Warren Peterson

District 13

Senate: Don Shooter

House: Darin Mitchell, Steve Montenegro

District 14

Senate: Gail Griffin

House: David Gowan, David Stevens

District 15

Senate: Nancy Barto

House: John Allen

District 16

Senate: David Farnsworth

House: Kelly Townsend

District 17

SenateA Steve Yarbrough

House: J.D. Mesnard, Jeff Weninger

District 18

Senate:

House: Jill Norgaard

District 19

Senate: Joseph Hobbs

House:

District 20

Senate: Kimberly Yee

House: Paul Boyer

District 21

Senate: Debbie Lesko

House: Rick Gray

District 22

Senate: Judy Burges

House: David Livington, Phil Lovas

District 23

Senate: John Kavanaugh

House: Jay Lawrence, Michelle Ugenti

District 24

Senate:

House:

District 25

Senate:

House: Rusty Bowers, Justin Olsen

District 26

Senate:

House:

District 27

Senate:

House:

District 28

Senate:

House: Shawna Bolick

District 29

Senate:

House:

District 30

Senate: Gary Cox

House:

Kerry Says ISIS Will Be Destroyed Within Three Years

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry predicted that the Islamic State (also known as ISIS and ISIL) would be destroyed within three years. The means: “massive wrongful death lawsuits.”

“These thugs might think they’re cute filming the decapitation of their victims,” Kerry said. “But by putting their torts on record they have opened themselves to legal liability that will cost them billions in damages.”

“No country on Earth has better or more expensive lawyers than we do,” the Secretary boasted. “With skills honed from decades of tormenting corporate defendants in the courtroom, the plaintiffs’ bar will eviscerate ISIS’s defenses and use their own words and videos against them. Financial ruin and public humiliation for these goons is just a matter of time.”

Kerry invited observers “to compare our innovative and nuanced approach with the clumsy efforts of the Bush Administration’s so-called ‘war on terror.’ In our plan, instead of putting US troops at risk, all the heavy lifting will be done by lawyers filing suits and attaching liens to every asset ISIS possesses.”

According to Kerry, a side benefit of the Administration’s strategy to sue ISIS into submission is that “it allows us to conserve our resources to fight the greater threat of global warming. The massacres perpetrated by ISIS are a mere pin prick compared to the devastation that climate change will wreak on the planet. If we do not prevail in this greater fight Foley and Sotloff will be remembered as the lucky ones.”

ABC’s Good Morning America, co-host George Stephanopoulos called this “sue the bastards” strategy “amazingly ingenious. It opens an arena of conflict at which this nation excels. The skills ISIS has nurtured in beheading captives, raping women, and killing children will be completely useless against the hordes of attorneys we can deploy against them. I think the Administration has once again turned the table on its critics.”

Senator to Issue Report Absolving IRS

Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich), chairman of the Senate’s Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations is preparing a report that will absolve the IRS and Lois Lerner of any wrongdoing in the campaign to target and harass conservative political organizations.

“Those who have alleged that Lerner and the IRS took it upon themselves to conduct a vendetta against conservative organizations have it all wrong,” Levin alleged. “Evidence has emerged that the IRS was acting upon urgent requests from highly placed members of the government. Bureaucrats being responsive to the needs of the government is behavior we should be encouraging not punishing.”

The highly placed members of the government cited by Levin included himself and fellow Senators Richard Durbin (D-Ill), Charles Schumer (D-NY), Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH), Tom Udall (D-Colo), Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), Al Franken (D-Minn), Michael Bennet (D-Colo), and Jeff Merkley (D-Ore).

“When a Senator is on the other end of the phone or email, a public servant’s duty must be to assist in whatever way he or she can,” Levin insisted. “These requests must be expedited, not impeded by excessive attention to  rules and regulations. It was not Ms. Lerner’s job to insert her judgment as a barrier to carrying out the wishes of the people who vote on the appropriations to fund the agency she works for.”

In addition to the procedural arguments raised in defense of the IRS, Senator Levin pointed out that “substantively, the organizations flagged by the Senators were reasonably suspected of anti-government views and activities. It was the IRS’ patriotic duty to interdict these organizations in whatever way it could in order to help thwart their attempts to undermine the President and his loyal supporters.”

UN Defends Refusal to Evacuate Non-Combatants in Gaza

In its efforts to minimize collateral damage in its campaign against Hamas terrorists who were launching rocket attacks against Israeli civilians, the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) asked UN “peace keepers” in Gaza to help Palestinian civilians evacuate the combat zone. The UN refused this request.

UN spokesperson Penelope Ironside explained that “the idea that civilians should be removed from the battle zone conflicted with the explicit strategy of one of the contending sides. For us to have assisted in their removal would have compromised the UN’s position as a neutral party.”

“The conflict between Israel and Hamas is asymmetrical,” Ironside added. “Hamas cannot effectively oppose the IDF in head-to-head combat. Embedding its weapons in the midst of Palestinian civilians impedes the IDF’s path. For us to have facilitated the removal of these persons would’ve been tantamount to taking sides.”

“Secondly, the whole notion that civilians are merely innocent bystanders is not accepted by Hamas,” Ironside continued. “What Israel insists are innocent victims of their rocket attacks, Hamas sees as legitimate targets. Jewish women and children are illegally occupying Palestinian lands. Maybe the Hamas rocket attacks will make them leave.”

Biden Says Hoarders Are Retarding Economy

Citing a paper released this week by the St. Louis Federal Reserve, Vice-President Joe Biden blamed American consumers for the sluggish economy.

“The government is doing everything it can to try to stimulate the economy,” Biden contended. “The federal government is spending every dollar it can get its hands on. The Federal Reserve is manufacturing new dollars at an unprecedented pace. But consumers are just sitting on their cash.”

“Hoarding cash makes no sense,” the Veep argued. “The dollar’s purchasing power is being diluted on a daily basis by government policies. Spending your dollars before they lose even more value is what you should do.”

Biden dismissed concerns that people might be saving out of fear of losing their jobs, saying that “there’s no need for anyone to provide their own safety net. In fact, depleting all your assets and means of subsistence makes you eligible for the maximum amount of public assistance.”

“If private hoarding continues the government may have to implement a more vigorous escheatment process in order to put these idle funds to better use,” Biden suggested. “I mean, if people are just sitting on inactive balances in savings accounts the government has the need and the right to seize these funds and inject them into the flow of commerce.”

NY Board of Elections Cracks Down on Unauthorized Speech

Concerned that “unelected persons might defame elected officials,” the New York Board of Elections has declared that no one may criticize a sitting officeholder without first forming a “political action committee.”

Executive Director Todd Valentine asserted that “the notion that everyone is free to say whatever they want about members of the government is a misunderstanding of the concept of freedom of speech. If you’re talking about or to another private citizen you can say whatever you want. But if you want to criticize the governor, mayor, or a member of the legislature or city council you need to file with us.”

Those who engage in criticisms without gaining prior approval from the Board may be fined up to $1,000 per offense. If, for example, you pass out 50 flyers opposing the reelection of your current senator—you’d be liable for a potential fine of $50,000.

Valentine was unconcerned that the regulations might discourage some citizens from participating in public debate. “People who are serious about politics will make the effort to register as a political action committee,” he contended. “Those not willing to take this minimal step have no business getting involved. The era of unregulated rogue commentaries is ended in this state. It’s the least we can do for those who govern us.”

In related news, the University of Minnesota student newspaper apologized “for any embarrassment we may have caused Senator Franken for attempting to schedule a debate between him and his Republican challenger Mike McFadden. Senator Franken has rightly pointed out that as the state’s US Senator he should not be forced to demean himself by debating a person who is merely a private citizen. We can only hope that Senator Franken will forgive our youthful indiscretion on this sensitive matter.”

Firm Punished for Verifying Employees’ Residency

The Department of Justice has fined Culinaire International $20,000 for asking a prospective hiree to provide proof of legal residence.

“Demanding that employees show proof of citizenship or legal residence in this country is discriminatory,” Attorney General Eric Holder asserted. “It explicitly contradicts the President’s expressed wishes that all applicants whether in this country legally or not be treated equal.”

Holder brushed aside state laws that penalize employers for not verifying residency status as irrelevant. “The possibility that a state may sanction an employer for not conducting such a verification is not my concern,” Holder said. “The fact is Culinare violated our Administration’s policies. We cannot allow that infraction to go unpunished.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

The Arizona Conservative Endorses Sylvia Allen for Senate

Republican Party leaders just met in Flagstaff and elect Navajo County Supervisor Sylvia Tenney Allen as their nominee to run for the Senate seat vacated by the late Chester Crandell.

Senator Crandall ran unopposed for re-election to his Arizona Senate seat, but died in a horse riding accident recently.

Allen is a past Arizona legislator with sterling conservative credentials who has served Arizona well in the past. And she’ll do so again. We expect her to win the November election and urge voters to give her the victory.

Rob Haney’s Postmortem on Governor’s Race

By Rob Haney, former Executive Director, Maricopa County Republican Party Executive Guidance Committee

It is highly unlikely that there will ever be another clean elections candidate for governor. In addition to the Herculean task of raising 5,000 $5 contributions to qualify for funding from the Clean Elections Commission, the amount that the candidate would receive is only $760,000.00. This amount of money is woefully inadequate when three of your opponents are spending 5 to 10 million dollars each.

There will usually be a conservative spoiler who will come into the race as an unlikely candidate. Frank Riggs was a late entry into the race. The former conservative California congressman moved to Arizona in 2002 and had been absent from the political scene for twelve years. He established neither name recognition or a political record in AZ, but his entry split the conservative vote. The united conservative front former Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas had hoped to build was destroyed before it had a chance to develop.

Millionaires frequently attempt to buy an office for which by experience they are not qualified to hold. The “Go Daddy” executive Christine Jones was such a candidate. Through a multimillion dollar media blitz, she hoped to overwhelm her opponents and carry the vote. However, two other millionaires with political experience, Ducey and Smith, matched her spending, and she ended up in third place. She maintained she was a conservative, but her record belied her assertion. She was a fund raiser for McCain and was caught in numerous misrepresentations about her conservative credentials such as her claim that she prosecuted a case when she was actually only a law student.

It is extremely unlikely that a true conservative will ever defeat a Republican Establishment supported and funded candidate. The voters are not discerning enough to work their way through the Establishment generated media blitz. Only the small percentage of well informed conservatives know that Governor Brewer can not be trusted to carry the conservative flag. She has destroyed any legacy she might have had with them through her tax increases, her backing of Obama Care through Medicaid expansion, and her backing of the federal take over of education through her support of Common Core among other apostasies. But among the general populace, the support of a liberal media has her leaving office with a favorable legacy.

 

Bob Worsley vs. The Arizona Conservative: A Debate

The Arizona Conservative has, since 2012, warned voters about the liberalism and the veracity of now State Senator Bob Worsley. Unfortunately, unprincipled Republicans voted him in anyway. We have constructed a debate between what Sen. Worsley’s campaign materials (website and ads) have claimed about his beliefs and his record, and our advocacy of conservative principles. The results of this cyber debate speak for themselves. Read with interest below:

BOB WORSLEY: For all the talk about limited government, our legislature passed 500 bills last session alone. That’s big government, not small government.

THE ARIZONA CONSERVATIVE: Americans for Prosperity Arizona Chapter rated you a “Friend of Big Government.” You are also using your government position to push your wife’s music program.

BOB WORSLEY: A vote for Bob Worsley is a vote for commonsense conservative leadership.

THE ARIZONA CONSERVATIVE: Pure unsubstantiated rhetoric. Your campaign website lists seven issues of importance to you. Not one of them has anything to do with conservatism, and you didn’t even mention a single social issue. It is typical of Democrat candidates not to list social issues as important to their campaigns. In a cowardly way, you voted for the religious freedom bill, SB1062, and then when homosexual pressure groups protested against it, you retracted your support of the bill and ran for the tall grass, where you found two fellow RINOs hiding there with you. Have you ever attended a pro-life rally in your life? Are you viewed as a Reagan Republican? No and no. When you were on the board of directors of United Families International, headquartered in your home town of Mesa, you questioned its championship of conservative values. We know conservatives and we know conservative leaders. We have associated with them for years. And you’re not one of them.

BOB WORSLEY: It was time to use conservative principles as solutions, not purity tests.

THE ARIZONA CONSERVATIVE: So, by including conservative principles and purity tests in the same breath, you admit you are not a pure conservative then. Like you, Mitt Romney is not a conservative, but he tried to claim you are conservative when he endorsed you. Republicans In Name Only (RINOs) oppose conservative principles and just demand we all get along. Politically, you are just another liberal “Republican,” or RINO.

BOB WORSLEY: Free markets, limited government, liberty; these are timeless principles that elevate and unite.

THE ARIZONA CONSERVATIVE: This statement is correct. It’s just that your walk doesn’t match your talk. You actually helped erode liberty by caving in to the demand that Governor Brewer veto the religious freedom bill. You eroded liberty by supporting an Obamacare exchange. And by legislating for big government, you remove freedom from your neighbors and your employees, not to mention every other citizen in Arizona. Big Government statist lawmakers hurt Arizona, hurt its culture, and hurt children, working people, families, and senior citizens.

BOB WORSLEY: There’s no reason partisan bickering should get in the way of serving our citizens’ best interests. … “Elevate Arizona” is a philosophy. A way of thinking. An attitude. It permeates everything I do. Its closest synonym would be “uplift.” It was born out of the troubled times of 2010 and 2011, when civility and decorum among our representation seemed dormant. We needed to repair our image and heal the scars of divisive politics.

THE ARIZONA CONSERVATIVE: You’re pretty good at bickering with those you oppose, and you are no authority on civility and decorum. You sound like someone else we all know who called for people to use reasoned words in political debate. But you, like President Barack Obama, do not put your money where your mouth is. You called conservatives “extremists.” You called Arizona a “police state.” That kind of description fits North Korea — not Arizona. You called conservatives “haters.” You judge self-righteously. For an alleged “conservative,” you sure are good are demonizing conservatives with poisonous, hateful rhetoric. That’s rank hypocrisy. You need to repair your image and heal the scars of the division you have created.

The Arizona Conservative will continue to comment on Sen. Worsley’s Big Government statism in the future. In the meantime, share this cyber debate with friends who may have supported Worsley, to educate them.

 

Arizona GOP Legislative Primary Races

Arizona Legislative Races (100 percent of precincts reporting)

District 1: Longtime lawmaker Linda Gray loses out to Karen Fann and Noel Campell in House; Steve Pierce unopposed in Senate

District 2: Daniel Estrella unopposed in Senate; John Ackerley unopposed in House

District 4: Connie Uribe unopposed in Senate; Richard Hopkins unopposed in House

District 5: Kelli Ward unopposed in Senate; Sonny Borrelli and Regina Cobb win in House

District 6: The late Chester Crandall ran unopposed in Senate, though he died in a recent horse-riding accident; GOP Senate candidate TBD; Bob Thorpe and Brenda Barton won in House

District 8: Irene Littleton won Senate; Frank Pratt and T.J. Shope in House

District 9: Ethan Orr unopposed in House

District 10: Mark Morrison unopposed in Senate; Tod Clodfelter and William Wildish in House

District 11: Steve Smith in Senate; Vince Leach and Mark Finchem in House

District 12: Andy Biggs unopposed in Senate; Warren Peterson and Eddie Farnsworth in House

District 13: Don Shooter in Senate; Steve Montenegro and Darin Mitchell in House

District 14: Gail Griffin unopposed in Senate; David Gowan and David Stephens in House

District 15: Nancy Barto in Senate; Heather Carter and just nine 9 votes separate John Allen and David Smith, with Allen leading, in House

District 16: David Farnsworth wins in Senate; Kelly Townsend and Doug Coleman advance in House

District 17: Steve Yarbrough unopposed in Senate; Jeff Weninger and J.D. Mesnard in House

District 18: Jeff Dial in Senate; Jill Norgaard and Bob Robson in House

District 19: Sophia Johnson in House

District 20: Kimberly Yee unopposed in Senate; Paul Boyer and Anthony Kern in House

District 21: Debbie Lesko unopposed in Senate; Rick Gray and Tony Rivero in House

District 22: Judy Burges unopposed in Senate; David Livingtson and Phil Lovas in House

District 23: John Kavanaugh in Senate; Michelle Ugenti and Jay Lawrence

District 24: Bill Follette unopposed in Senate; Lei Lani Cortez unopposed in House

District 25: Bob Worsley in Senate; Justin Olson and Rusty Bowers in House

District 26: James Roy unopposed in House

District 28: Adam Driggs unopposed in Senate; Kate McGee and 7 votes separating Mary Hamway and Shawna Bolick with Hamway leading, in House

District 29: Crystal Nuttle unopposed in Senate; Aaron Borders unopposed in House

District 30: Gary Cox unopposed in Senate; John Lyon and Michael Gidwani in House

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