Casino Gambling in Arizona Claims More Victims

Gambling and casinos have caused a lot of problems in Arizona and every other state where they are legal. Many have succumbed to gambling addiction, stolen from their employers and broken up their families and marriages. The sad story that follows isn’t the first in Arizona and it won’t be the last — not as long as we have legalized gambling. Some say, “oh but the money builds roads and schools.” The bottom line? It’s ill-gotten gain off the backs of shattered lives and broken families. This is a dark day for a culture in decline.

Arizona Attorney General Mark Brnovich announced the sentencing of Larry Dahl, a former Phoenix attorney. Dahl was sentenced to 3.25 years in prison and seven years supervised probation after defrauding his former clients of $2,940,439.

“The defendant stole millions of dollars from his clients to fuel a gambling addiction,” said Attorney General Mark Brnovich. “Dahl was in a position of trust and he abused that trust. The Attorney General’s Office takes these cases very seriously.”

In addition to his prison sentence, the Honorable Jay Adleman ordered Dahl to pay $2,940,439 to the former clients he defrauded. In 2013, Dahl was indicted on 20 felony counts accused of embezzling money from client funds for nearly 5 years, from January 2001 to January 2005. Over that time period, Dahl gambled the $2,940,439 he had stolen at various casinos and lost the entire sum.

Dahl embezzled client funds directly from their interest-bearing money market accounts by writing checks payable to himself. To perpetuate this scheme, Dahl frequently transferred money between 46 client money market accounts to create the illusion of accurate individual account balances.

On June 25, 2015, Dahl pled guilty to three felony offenses: Fraudulent Schemes and Artifices, Money Laundering and Theft.

Mr. Dahl was disbarred in 2006.

Assistant Attorney General Brett Harames prosecuted this case.

Kerry Insists that ‘Death to America’ Is Just Rhetoric

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnIn his continuing quest to sell Congress on what House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) labeled a “diplomatic masterpiece,” Secretary of State John Kerry tried to reassure the House Foreign Affairs Committee that Iran’s vow to take down the United States is “mere rhetoric for domestic consumption.”

Surely, members of Congress are aware that from time to time it is necessary to espouse policies that we have no real intention of implementing,” Kerry said. “I’ve lost count of the number of times that various spokesmen for the GOP have pledged to repeal Obamacare or to build a border fence. Yet, neither of these promises have gone beyond mere rhetoric. Obviously, the purpose of such rhetoric is to placate their domestic supporters. I suggest we view the infamous ‘death to America’ slogan shouted by mobs in Iran in a similar light.”

Ali Hosseini Khamenei, Supreme Leader of Iran, took issue with Kerry’s “ignorant and misguided assertion. Unlike Americans, we are not impotent mouthers of vacuous platitudes. Our battle with America will not end until the evil that it represents is exterminated. The lifting of sanctions recently approved by the United Nations is an important step toward our ultimate victory.”

In addition, Iran’s General Hossein Salami expressed confidence that “we will strike a blow that will be more shocking and more devastating than the 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor. Unlike the Japanese, we will not confine ourselves to strictly military targets. Our slaughter of the most vulnerable women and children will land a crushing and demoralizing blow from which the United States cannot recover.”

Obama Admin to Investigate Killing of Lion in Zimbabwe

Director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Dan Ashe announced that his agency has opened an investigation of the “tragic killing” of Cecil the lion by American dentist Walter Palmer. Cecil was a major attraction at the Hwange National Park in Matabeleland North, Zimbabwe. Palmer reportedly paid some locals $50,000 to lure the lion outside the park. Palmer then killed the lion with an arrow.

Ashe characterized the killing as “a senseless act of cruelty against an innocent animal. It has shocked the world in a way that no other act has in recent memory. It is imperative that swift and severe repercussions be meted out lest others be emboldened to carry out similar atrocities.”

The enthusiasm with which the Administration has taken up the cause of justice for Cecil stands in stark contrast to its more blasé attitude toward recent revelations of the ghoulish activities undertaken by Planned Parenthood, where organs harvested from abortions are covertly sold.

Press Secretary Josh Earnest attempted to explain the disparity by insisting that “the President is persuaded that Planned Parenthood has always acted with the utmost integrity and compassion. This organization’s selfless concern for the welfare of women is nothing like the crass selfishness displayed by Dr. Palmer. He killed this lion for personal pleasure. Planned Parenthood repurposes unwanted human tissue for the benefit of mankind.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) concurred in Earnest’s assessment and called efforts to defund Planned Parenthood “a distraction from the more serious matter of animal abuse exemplified by Dr. Palmer. It is essential that we do everything in our power to protect species endangered by human encroachment on their habitat. In this regard, Planned Parenthood’s termination of surplus humans must be seen as a crucial component of the battle against climate change. That some would seek to penalize this great organization by withdrawing taxpayer support just because they are seeking another revenue source by selling discarded fetuses is criminal.”

Senate Republican Mark Kirk (Illinois) called the uproar over Planned Parenthood’s trafficking in human baby parts “illogical. If an abortion is merely the exaction of unwanted tissue, how can the sale of this medical waste be wrong? I can’t really grasp why people are getting so upset about it. Any extra revenues Planned Parenthood can obtain in this manner reduces the burden we’re obliged to impose on taxpayers to fund the organization.”

In related news, Sen Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) sent out a fund-raising email asking supporters to donate to her reelection campaign so she “can continue to battle against those who would use Planned Parenthood’s ‘good faith effort’ to secure its financial well-being through the sale of what would otherwise just be thrown in the trash. If you value the role Planned Parenthood has played in our goal of achieving a more caring community please make a contribution today.”

Rival Says Trump “Too Mean” to Be President

Presidential candidate Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) warned GOP voters against making Donald Trump the Party’s nominee for the 2016 election.

The man is too doggone mean to be president,” Graham complained. “It isn’t just the fact that he’s egregiously insulted me—a sitting senator. He’s insulting everyone. He’s insulted immigrant rapists and murderers while completely overlooking the crimes committed by native-born rapists and murderers. He’s insulted the Chinese, implying that their trade policies are unfair. This is no way to build bridges.”

Perhaps the worst offense is Trump’s lack of respect for President Obama,” the Senator continued. “The President is a decent man and a good friend of mine. Sure, he’s made a few mistakes, but his heart is in the right place. Yet, according to Mr. Trump, President Obama has been a complete disaster—lying and blundering his way toward degrading this great country.”

Graham acknowledged his below single-digit standing in the polls, but held out hope that, in time, his long record of service would come to be appreciated by voters. “Unlike Mr. Trump, I have won many elections,” he pointed out. “This demonstrated success gives me staying power for the long haul. We’ll see a year from now who’s still in the race—the loud-mouthed political novice or the well-respected senator from South Carolina.”

Planned Parenthood Says Videos Bigger Threat than Bombings

Reeling from the negative publicity generated by videos showing the organization haggling over the price of baby parts resulting from abortions, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards characterized the videos as “possibly worse than the spate of bombings of abortion clinics a few years back.”

The big downside of the bombings was the loss of life of doctors, nurses, and others dedicated to improving women’s health,” Richards observed. “Bad as this was, it was at least partially offset by the wave of sympathy these deaths earned for our organization. With the videos, though, there is no offset. It’s all downside. It creates the impression that we are callous toward the human remains of those proto-persons we’ve terminated.”

The challenge now is for us to try to head off an unwarranted reverence for the removed tissues,” Richards said. “People don’t get worked up when other tissues—like tumors or necroses—are removed from their human hosts. If those trying to make the case that we are murdering human infants win the day our business cannot survive.”

To try to regain control over the narrative, Planned Parenthood has circulated a memo to media outlets begging them to not air anymore videos on the grounds that “they were recorded without our consent. It was our reasonable expectation that these very sensitive discussions would be private and confidential. The Center for Medical Progress violated these expectations by covertly taping these private and confidential meetings. To air these ill-gotten videos would only serve to reward this heinous invasion of our privacy.”

Judge Rules Government Has Right to Know Who Its Opponents Are

U.S. District Judge Sidney Stein ordered Citizens United to turn over the names, addresses, and amounts of money contributed to the organization by its donors to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

It is clear that the activities of Citizen’s United, if successful, would result in a serious obstacle to the government’s interests,” Judge Stein wrote. “The government’s ability to fend off this threat is hampered by the anonymity of this organization’s supporters. If people want to oppose the government they should come out of the shadows.”

Stein dismissed fears that the government might take reprisals against its opponents as “cowardly. Did John Hancock, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and the others try to hide behind anonymity when they signed the Declaration of Independence? No. They proclaimed their opposition to the government and took their chances. If the supporters of Citizen United are so fearful of the consequences of supporting anti-government propaganda maybe they should just be quiet and let the government run the country as it sees fit.”

Hillary’s Gap Nearly 5,000 Times as Large as Nixon’s

In the painfully slow release of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s official emails, House investigators have discovered a two-month gap. This is nearly 5,000 times the size of the famous “18 minute gap” on White House tapes during the Watergate scandal. Partly because of that 18 minute gap President Nixon ultimately resigned in 1974 to avoid being impeached.

All of Clinton’s Department of State email correspondence for May and June 2012 is missing. As chance would have it, this period coincides with a time of rising tensions in Libya during which others contend that they passed warnings up the line to the Secretary.

On May 22, the International Red Cross office was hit by rocket-propelled grenades. On June 6, an improvised explosive device was detonated outside the consulate. One would have thought these events might have generated some email traffic to and from the Secretary. It was during this period that US Ambassador Christopher Stevens is believed to have requested more security for the embassy and consulate.

On September 11, 2012, Stevens, along with three other Americans were killed by Muslim insurgents. At that time Secretary Clinton sprung into action assuring the world that these deaths were “the unfortunate byproduct of a peaceful demonstration gone wrong when local Muslims became incensed over a video mocking Mohammed”–a cover story that was later shown to be false.

For her part, the former Secretary insists that “there is no gap. As I recall, I was engaged in thinking about other issues—maybe my daughter’s wedding, or pregnancy, or something like that. All the emails relating to my private, non-governmental thoughts and issues during that time period were, naturally, deleted as a matter of personal privacy.”

Despite the Secretary’s apparent memory lapse or mental confusion, her doctor–Lisa Bardack, a physician in Mount Kisco, N.Y.–has pronounced Mrs. Clinton “fit to serve as president of the United States.”

Meanwhile, the Hillary for president campaign has released its price list for supporters wanting to interact with the candidate. A selfie with Hillary costs $2700. A picture with her autograph is $1000. A handshake and a simulated smile is $500. You can get the candidate to point at you from the podium for $100. A simple wave of her hand in your general direction can be had for the bargain rate of $25 per flap. If she looks toward where you are sitting or standing in the crowd, campaign staff will stop by later to collect $10 from you.

Obama Unimpressed with Current Roster of Presidential Candidates

In remarks at the African Union meeting in Ethiopia this week, President Obama lamented “the sorry slate of candidates seeking to succeed me. To be honest, there is no one worthy to follow the path I have blazed. I may have to consider running for reelection.”

Obama brushed aside the Constitutional provision prohibiting him from seeking another term as “a dangerous and unnecessary impediment” that might have to be altered “for the sake of humanity. You know, the guys who wrote the Constitution in 1787 didn’t see fit to limit the chief executive to any set number of terms. The Amendment restricting a person to two terms was the work of lesser men reacting to the unprecedented and awesome four terms to which Franklin Roosevelt was elected. Had FDR been limited to two terms we might never have emerged from the Great Depression or won World War II.”

The president said that while he is not yet ready to take the appropriate executive action to set aside the term limit restriction, he vowed not to hesitate if “the options available to voters continue to remain as lackluster as they currently are.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

The Ugly Face of Planned Parenthood: Margaret Sanger

Should Congress Vote to De-fund Planned Parenthood?

Government Waste Watchdog Cites Franks and Salmon for Serving the People with Distinction

(Washington, D.C.) – Today, the Council for Citizens Against Government Waste (CCAGW) applauded Reps. Trent Franks and Matt Salmon (R-Ariz.) for their relentless and unwavering support of the fiscal interests of American taxpayers while serving in Congress.  Reps. Franks and Salmon were two of the 17 lawmakers to earn a perfect score of 100 percent in CCAGW’s 2014 Congressional Ratings, making them “Taxpayer Super Heroes.”  Since Rep. Franks was elected in 2012, he has a lifetime rating of 95 percent, while Rep. Salmon maintained a 97 percent lifetime rating since his election in 2012.

The report, which CCAGW has issued since 1989, highlights the voting records of all 535 members of Congress.  It identifies members whose impeccable voting records helped protect and save the taxpayers’ money, earning them the honored title of “Taxpayer Super Hero,” while it cites members who consistently voted against the fiscal interest of taxpayers.

CCAGW rates members of both chambers on a 0-100 percent scale.  Members are placed in the following categories: 0-19% Hostile; 20-39% Unfriendly; 40-59% Lukewarm; 60-79% Friendly; 80-99% Taxpayer Hero; and 100% Taxpayer Super Hero.  The 2014 Congressional Ratings scored 85 votes in the House of Representatives and 13 votes in the Senate.

“We applaud and wholeheartedly thank Reps. Franks and Salmon for their hard work on behalf of the taxpayers while serving in Congress,” said CCAGW President Tom Schatz.  “Their courageous votes to cut wasteful spending and make government more accountable should serve as an example to other members, encouraging them to make good on promises to protect the fiscal interests of American taxpayers.”

“We have no doubt that Reps. Franks and Salmon will continue to help lead the effort to end wasteful spending and reduce the growing national debt,” added Schatz.  “Their constituents should be very proud of them.”

Arizona Congressional Democrats Accepted Money from Big Abortion’s King — Planned Parenthood

During the 2014 election cycle, four Democrats accepted campaign cash from Planned Parenthood — the notorious abortion factory under intense national scrutiny for illegal sales of baby parts and alleged fraud.

Current Congressmen Ann Kirkpatrick, Kyrsten Sinema, Raul Grijalva and former Congressman Ron Barber all accepted money from Planned Parenthood last year.

Kirkpatrick received $10,850, the second-highest total of any Democrat House candidate.

Sinema ranked fourth among House Democrats with $10,300 received from Planned Parenthood.

Incumbent Ron Barber, who lost to conservative Martha McSally, held out his hand for $5,566 in Planned Parenthood cash.

And Cong. Grijalva, also head of the largest socialist organization in Congress, grabbed $1,000 from Planned Parenthood.

Concerned Americans are calling for criminal investigations of Planned Parenthood for selling baby parts.

Several states and Congress are debating de-funding Planned Parenthood, a profit-driven abortion factory that receives more than half a billion tax dollars annually.

Several state audits have revealed that Planned Parenthood makes a regular habit of improperly billing the government for services and products neither requested nor received by citizens.

The late racist Margaret Sanger was instrumental in starting up Planned Parenthood. And a disproportionate number of PP abortion mills are located in minority neighborhoods in Arizona and nationally.

As if that isn’t enough: Planned Parenthood failed to report the rapes of underage girls in Tempe and Colorado, allowing the abusers to continue victimizing young girls. Planned Parenthood is required by law to report the pregnancies of underage girls to legal authorities, but refused to do so in order to maximize profits.

Administration Says Failure to Accept Iran Deal Means War

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnThe Obama Administration denounced Congressional opposition to its Iranian deal, saying that failure to accept the pact would lead to war.

Secretary of State John Kerry has assured the President that agreeing to this deal is the only alternative if we want to deter Iran from attacking America,” said Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest. “Republicans agitating against this treaty weren’t in on the negotiations. They don’t know what we know.”

Critics of the deal have cited what they have characterized as serious flaws, including Iran’s refusal to allow on-site inspections of its nuclear facilities, a requirement that the US help Iran against Israel, and the immediate relaxation of sanctions. “There are absolutely, no mechanisms for ensuring that Iran upholds its part of the bargain,” complained Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “On top of this, the Iranian regime’s post-deal assertion of its right to acquire long range ballistic missiles in order to fulfill its goal of exterminating Israel and carrying the battle for Islamic global supremacy to our shores is, to use the words of Secretary Kerry, himself, ‘disturbing.’”

In a post-negotiation interview, Iran’s Deputy Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi appeared to confirm some of Cruz’s worst fears, insisting that “this agreement does not impede our sovereign right to obtain whatever weapons we deem necessary to implement our obligation to carry the religion of Mohammed to every square inch of the world. To the contrary, the United States’ release of $150 billion in previously frozen Iranian assets is an explicit acknowledgment and facilitator of this right.”

Earnest described pact opponents’ expectations as “unrealistic. We can’t impose western ideas and values on these people. It is their deeply held religious belief that they must wage holy war on unbelievers in order to please Allah. If we believe in freedom of religion we must respect these beliefs and try to cope the best we can.”

As disturbing as some of the Iranian regime’s rhetoric and behavior has been since he finalized the deal, Kerry still insisted that “the treaty is essential if we are to have a semblance of peace for the next few years. Relying on Iran to self-monitor its nuclear program is our only option. They simply won’t agree to allow outsiders into their top secret facilities. If Iran cheats they will suffer serious damage to their reputation in the international community. That is a risk that we believe will deter them from covertly developing nuclear weapons.”

President Obama admitted that Iran could use the $150 billion they will receive as part of the deal to fund terrorist attacks around the world, but argued that “it’s the price we had to pay in order to get them to agree to the pact. The thousands that might be killed in such attacks are preferable to the millions that could be killed by Iranian nuclear bombs.”

Addressing Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu’s dissatisfaction with the pact, Kerry warned Israel against taking any action aimed at preempting a threatened nuclear strike by Iran. “The terms of the recently completed agreement obligate the United States to defend Iran agai8nst any external or internal threat to its nuclear facilities or its current government,” Kerry pointed out.

In related news, Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson explained that “refusing to label Islamic terrorists as ‘Islamic terrorists’ is a crucial weapon in our battle against them. By identifying the murders and bombings carried out by these people as acts of misguided or mentally ill individuals we are undermining their morale and sapping their will to fight.” Whether Johnson’s view is accurate was cast in doubt by ISIS strongman Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s retort: “the views of kafirs are of no concern to us. We know who we are fighting and why.”

House Passes Bill that Withholds Federal Aid from Sanctuary Cities

In a long overdue reaction to the mounting tally of victims of crimes committed by illegal aliens, the US House of Representatives enacted the “Enforce the Law for Sanctuary Cities Act.” The bill would block federal law-enforcement grants to cities that refuse to enforce federal immigration laws.

The vote for the bill was highly partisan with Republicans heavily in favor and Democrats heavily opposed. Mocking the bill as “the Donald Trump Act,” Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-Calif), the chairman of the House Democratic Caucus, called the legislation “illogical. Sanctuary cities bear a disproportionate burden of the crimes committed by undocumented inhabitants. Their need for law enforcement aid is even greater than cities that have not opened their doors to these immigrants. Cutting them off would be unfairly punitive.”

Whether the bill will do more than allow some members of Congress to vent their anger over the rising tide of felonies committed by persons who should have been deported seems improbable. President Obama has vowed to veto the legislation should it ever get past the Senate.

It is Congress’ failure to pass comprehensive immigration legislation that is the real culprit here,” Obama asserted. “If we legalize these undocumented immigrants the crime wave perpetrated by illegal immigrants would vanish. If we bring these individuals out of the shadows, sign them up to get benefits—food, clothing, shelter—we will reduce their incentive to rob, rape, and murder. If we allow them to participate in our democratic process they will be able to vote for those who support programs that meet their needs and wouldn’t have to try to take their own initiative to get what they want.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) concurred in the President’s assessment and added that “the problem isn’t immigrant criminals, it’s guns. If all guns were removed from private hands the government’s monopoly on the use of force would be supreme. The redistribution of wealth to impoverished immigrants could be achieved through normal government programs.

In related news, the Obama Administration is putting the final touches on a policy that would grant illegal aliens permanent residency status based on what they are calling the “accrual of unlawful presence.” Under this policy, the longer an individual is able to evade being deported for illegally entering the US, the more entitled he is to remain in the country. Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson described it as “analogous to the statute of limitations for other criminal offenses. If you aren’t prosecuted or punished within a specified period of time you can never be deported.”

Democrat Says American Citizenship Is a Human Right

Former Maryland governor and current contender for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination Martin O’Malley vowed to extend the rights of US citizenship to every alien in the country on day one of his administration.

“According to our Constitution, all men are created equal,” O’Malley maintained. “It is a crime against humanity for us to treat people unequally based on their place of birth. Humans have the right to live wherever they want. Our government has the obligation to ensure that every human who chooses to live in America receives everything to which he or she is entitled.”

As O’Malley sees it, the list of things to which every human is entitled includes “decent housing, nutritious food, health care, education and enough pocket money to have some fun once in a while.” In order to empower recent immigrants’ ability to obtain these things, O’Malley promised to issue an executive order granting citizenship to anyone who wants it, because “unless people have the right to vote they have no way of ensuring that the candidates who will guarantee them a fair share of the nation’s wealth can be elected.”

O’Malley denounced President Obama’s approach to the illegal alien situation as “excessively passive and niggardly. Restricting benefits to those strong enough and ambitious enough to make their way into the US by their own efforts leaves those too weak or lazy to make the arduous trek on the outside. Under my administration we will give bus, train, or plane fare to anyone, anywhere who wants to come to America. As with other human rights, like abortion—we can’t let inability to pay lead to exclusion.”

In related news, under orders from President Obama, the US Citizenship and Immigration Services announced it will no longer require new citizens to pledge to defend the United States as part of the Oath of Allegiance they recite at their naturalization ceremony. Immigration official Juan Osuna explained the move as “an effort to accommodate the religious objections of many immigrants. For immigrants from the Middle East, for example, their Muslim faith demands that they wage war on unbelievers. Rather than disbar such individuals from obtaining US citizenship or forcing them to lie, it is easier to just change the language of the oath.”

Left Rallies to Defense of Planned Parenthood

Video evidence that Planned Parenthood traffics in organs taken from the babies it kills has sparked a wave of revulsion across the country. This gory profiteering clashes with the organization’s attempts to portray itself as a champion of women’s health.

While Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) and ten other Republican senators have requested that the DOJ investigate Planned Parenthood’s body snatching business, leading Democrats want an investigation of the organization that released the videos to the media.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) called the videos “a reprehensible invasion of privacy” and demanded that the Center for Medical Progress (the organization that made and released the videos) be investigated. “The right-wing assault on Planned Parenthood has gone on too long,” Pelosi contended. “The perpetrators of this latest atrocity need to be brought to justice.”

Reps. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill), Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif), Jerry Nadler (D-NY), and Yvette Clarke (D-NY) have written to US Attorney General Loretta Lynch asking her to open investigations into the Center for Medical Progress. “It appears that persons working for CMP misrepresented themselves to Planned Parenthood’s leadership,” their letter read. “Instead of being legitimate purchasers of human body parts, these CMP employees cruelly duped Doctor Mary Gatter and Doctor Deborah Nucatola into trusting them with the organization’s private information.”

Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest characterized the GOP’s request for an investigation of Planned Parenthood as “a witch hunt” and scoffed at the idea the Administration would even consider questioning the government’s financial support of Planned Parenthood (over $500 million in fiscal 2014). “The President has made it quite clear that, in his view, Planned Parenthood is doing God’s work,” Earnest said. “We shouldn’t permit bleeding heart emotionalism over how the tissues of terminated fetuses are disposed of knock this great organization off course. Would the GOP really be happier if the body parts were simply thrown in the trash? After all, doesn’t salvaging some revenue from selling fetal tissue reduce the amount that the government has to pay to sustain Planned Parenthood?. Shouldn’t the GOP’s fiscal ‘hawks’ be with us on this issue?”

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton warned that “we must not let squeamishness over the details of how Planned Parenthood goes about its business detract from the heroic history of this great organization and the essential services they have performed for so many years.” Clinton went on to decry the covertly obtained videos as “a massive invasion of privacy—the very right which 1973’s Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision sought to establish. And why shouldn’t Dr. Gatter have a Lamborghini. She’s worked very hard to build up the business end of the organization.”

IRS Targeting of Conservatives Blamed on “Inadequate Funding”

In addition to harassing conservative activist groups it also was discovered that the IRS has been using these groups’ donor lists to select which taxpayers will be subjected to audits.

President Obama blamed the Republican Congress for this outcome, saying that “if they weren’t so stingy with the agency’s budget this might not have had to happen. Ideally, the IRS should audit everybody’s tax returns, but this would require more employees and a bigger budget. Faced with the necessity to limit the number of returns it audits, the IRS made a reasonable decision to narrow the scope of its efforts.”

“Instead of just randomly selecting from the total pool of returns, they made an executive decision to focus on donor lists of conservative leaning organizations,” Obama continued. “There are several sound reasons why that choice makes sense. First, conservatives are more likely to have money—they have good jobs, they own businesses, they have savings and investments. Second, if these individuals are put through the wringer they’ll have less time and energy to work against my agenda. Third, there could be some positive behavior modification changes leading to less opposition to progressive social policies in future election cycles.”

“If government isn’t adequately funded it seems fair to me that those most responsible for this shortfall ought to bear the brunt of the consequences,” the President argued. “So, on balance, I believe the IRS has done a commendable job under difficult circumstances.”

DoD Stands by Its Policy of Barring Personnel from Carrying Arms

Despite the mass murder of personnel at a Chattanooga, Tennessee military recruiting office by Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez last week, Secretary of Defense Ash Carter rejected suggestions that on-duty armed forces members be allowed to carry guns.

“Sad as we all are for the tragic loss experienced in Tennessee, arming our soldiers and sailors is not the answer,” Carter adamantly declared. “Turning a crime scene into a war zone by arming our men escalates the situation and could lead to even greater loss of life.”

Carter also contended that having military personnel go about carrying weapons “would unduly frighten the general public. Making people feel unsafe on the streets, in the city and in their neighborhoods adds unhealthy stress to their lives. This would be too high a price to pay in order to give our troops the ability to defend themselves against the occasional crazed gunman.”

In related news, the Army has warned its recruiters to treat the gun-toting civilians who have been voluntarily standing guard at enlistment centers across the country as a security threat. As Army chief of staff Gen. Ray Odierno put it, “in the view of both the Department of Defense and the Department of Homeland Security, the millions of private citizens who own guns pose a far greater threat than the much smaller number of Islamic terrorists theses volunteers purport to be protecting us from. Military personnel at recruiting centers are advised to call on local police to disperse these ‘volunteers.’”

NY Governor Decrees Higher Minimum Wage

Professing to be “fed up” with the state legislature’s failure to enact a minimum wage he deems high enough, Governor Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) has decreed a $15 per hour minimum wage for the fast food industry in his state.

“I gave the legislature the opportunity to do the right thing, but their refusal to pass the $15 per hour wage has forced me to seize the initiative,” Cuomo said. “The voters of this state elected me to get things done. One way or another, that’s what I’m going to do. If the legislature thinks I’m treading on their turf they can try to impeach me.”

Cuomo brushed aside fears that the wage boost could drive many fast food restaurants out of business, saying “so what? Fast food is unhealthy. If this regulation drives down the consumption of this poison so much the better.”

The governor similarly dismissed concerns that the higher wage would drive up prices consumers have to pay. “If customers have to pay more for food maybe they’ll eat less of it,” he reasoned. “Americans are too damned fat as it is. They could stand to go on a diet. If that’s an outcome from the higher wage regulation, then that’s a win-win scenario as far as I’m concerned.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Should Sen. McCain and Sen. Flake Vote in Favor of Obama’s Iran Deal?

Gov. Ducey arms Arizona National Guard

Governor Doug Ducey today issued an executive order directing the Adjutant General to take actions to enhance and strengthen the safety and security of Arizona National Guard personnel.

The governor’s order, a response to the recent attacks on military recruitment and readiness centers in Chattanooga, Tennessee, authorizes Major General Michael McGuire to:

A. Identify and arm of all appropriately-trained National Guard personnel who he determines reasonably necessary, based upon their duty positions, responsibilities, or locations, to protect themselves and other persons from the threat of deadly physical force;

B. Institute a policy and training requirements that permit Guardsmen to carry personally-owned handguns while on duty at a secured facility or military instillation, in lieu of a government-issued handgun, as specified by the Adjutant General. This policy should allow Guard personnel to carry these handguns on unsecured facilities while on duty if a government-issued handgun is not reasonably accessible.

C. Consult with the Director of the Arizona Department of Public Safety to review the security measures and protocols in place at Arizona National Guard facilities, including without limitation recruiting offices, and make any recommendations necessary to further protect Soldiers, Airmen, and the public against attacks on military personnel.

“What happened in Chattanooga was shocking and saddening, and it took the lives of five American servicemen,” said Governor Ducey. “With the number of tragic shootings that have occurred on military installations in recent years, it’s imperative that our soldiers and airmen – people who put their lives on the line every day to protect our state and nation – have at least the same level of self-defense as the citizens they’re fighting for. We’re committed to doing whatever is reasonably necessary to ensure the safety and security of these men and women, and of all Arizonans.”

“The safety and security of our Soldiers, Airmen and civilian employees is our highest priority,” said Maj. Gen. Michael McGuire, the Adjutant General, Arizona National Guard. “We are developing a plan that fulfills Governor Ducey’s executive order and best protects our service members and our fellow Arizonans.”

At least eight other governors have issued a similar order, with several others ramping up efforts to increase the safety and security of military personnel in their states.

The complete executive order can be viewed, here.

DHS Documents Show 260 Criminal Illegal Aliens Criminals Released in Arizona in Just Three Weeks

Judicial Watch announced it obtained records from the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) revealing that nearly 260 illegal alien criminals, including 40 incarcerated for violent crimes, were released from Arizona detention facilities during the last week of February and the first two weeks of March 2013. After first denying that the mass release had taken place, the Obama administration claimed the releases were due to the anticipated sequestration budget cuts. The newly obtained records were uncovered because of a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) lawsuit filed by Judicial Watch on behalf of Edward Tuffly, a Tucson, AZ, resident (Edward “Bud” Tuffly v. U. S. Department of Homeland Security (No. 2:15-cv-00067)).

Judicial Watch filed the lawsuit for Mr. Tuffly in January 2015 after DHS failed to respond to his November 10, 2014, FOIA request of U.S. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) seeking the following information:

  • Records sufficient to identify all ICE detainees released in late February or early March 2013 from the following detention facilities due to alleged fiscal or budget uncertainty: (a) Central Arizona Correctional Center in Florence, Arizona: (b) Eloy Detention Center in Eloy, Arizona; (c) Florence Correctional Center in Florence, Arizona; (d) Florence SPC in Florence, Arizona; and (e) Pinal County Adult Detention Center in Florence, Arizona.
  • For each detainee identified in response to Request No.1, the I-213 form(s) documenting the detainee’s arrest.
  • For each detainee identified in response to Request No.1, records sufficient to identify: (a) the date the detainee was released; (b) the facility from which the detainee was released; (c) the detainee’s criminal history or criminal charges at the time of release; (d) methods of supervision to which the detainee was subjected; and (e) whether the detainee appeared for subsequent removal or other proceedings and/or was removed from the United States.

The date range for the requested records was February 22 through March 15, 2013. This was the period during which DHS released more than 2000 illegal aliens nationwide, later claiming the release was “solely for budgetary reasons,” though none of the anticipated sequestration budget cuts had yet taken place.

Among the nearly 260 illegal aliens released from five Arizona correction facilities at the time were nearly 40 violent criminals who had been arrested for crimes including assault, domestic violence, weapons offenses, and battery. Nearly one in five had been arrested for drunk driving. The full list is below:

Traffic Offense:  57

Driving Under Influence Liquor: 55

Disorderly Conduct: 15

Failure to Appear: 14

Illegal Entry: 13

Assault: 9

Drug Trafficking: 9

Shoplifting: 8

Larceny: 8

Making False Report: 6

Drug Possession: 6

Weapons Offense: 6

Forgery: 5

Domestic Violence: 4

Trespassing: 4

Damage Property: 4

Prostitution: 4

Liquor: 3

Marijuana: 3

Damage Property—Private: 3

Probation Violation: 3

Liquor Possession: 2

Identity Theft: 2

Battery: 2

Contributing to Delinquency of Minor: 2

Commercial Sex: 2

Fraud—False Statement: 2

Fraud—Impersonating: 2

Public Order Crimes: 2

Violation of a Court Order: 2

Robbery—Street Gun: 2

Robbery: 2

Narcotics Equip—Possession: 2

Intimidation: 2

Morals—Decency Crimes:  1

Identity Theft: 1

Cruelty Toward Wife: 1

Smuggling: 1

Smuggling Aliens: 1

Fraud: 1

Licensing Offense: 1

Stolen Vehicle: 1

Licensing Violation: 1

Obstruct Criminal Investigation: 1

Firing Weapon: 1

Resisting Officer: 1

Burglary Tools—Possession: 1

Threat to Burn: 1

Receive Stolen Property: 1

Hit and Run: 1

Obstruct Police: 1

Possession of a Weapon: 1

The Obama administration is refusing to divulge the names of the released criminals, which prevents law enforcement from protecting the public or notifying victims. Local authorities in Arizona, such as Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu, have tried unsuccessfully to obtain information about this and other criminal alien releases by the Obama administration.  In 2014, a Judicial Watch lawsuit forced the release of 76 pages of Department of Homeland Security (DHS) documents revealing that as of April 2014, ICE had released 165,900 convicted criminal aliens throughout the United States, including many convicted of such violent crimes as homicide, sexual assault, kidnapping, and aggravated assault.

Judicial Watch is a long-time national leader in advocating for the rule-of-law approach to illegal immigration.  This work includes exposing and challenging dangerous sanctuary policies in Pennsylvania, Virginia, Washington, D.C., Maryland, Arizona, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, and more.  For example, in 2011, as a result of Judicial Watch’s work, San Francisco was ordered to end its sanctuary policy that protected aliens arrested for certain drug offenses from being reported to ICE.

Judicial Watch also filed a lawsuit in Chicago challenging Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart’s refusal to honor ICE immigration detainers or cooperate with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) in identifying deportable criminal aliens.  Cook County jails have released well over 1,000 criminal aliens sought by ICE in the 18 months prior the lawsuit’s filing in 2013.  The suit is now before the Illinois Supreme Court.

The lawsuit, Brian McCann v. Thomas J. Dart, is on behalf of lifetime Chicago resident Brian McCann, whose brother William “Denny” McCann, was run over and killed in June 2011 by an unlawfully present criminal alien who had just completed a two-year term of probation for a 2009 DUI conviction.  The alien, Saul Chavez, was charged with felony aggravated driving under the influence, but was released by the Sheriff from a Cook County jail in November 2011 despite an ICE immigration detainer.

“The Obama Administration is obsessed with supporting nationwide sanctuary and unlawful amnesty for illegal aliens – even illegal aliens who have committed violent crimes,” said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton.  “These new documents show the Obama administration’s soft-on-crime approach to illegal alien crime is a clear and present danger to the safety of innocent Americans.”