Barack Hussein Obama: ‘Coyote’ In Chief

Mad Libbing: Embittered Lefties Crying Rivers over Supreme Court Loss

 

By the Family Research Council

If you wanted to see fireworks in D.C., you didn’t have to wait for July 4th. Yesterday’s decision on the HHS mandate exploded on the media scene, lighting a fuse under the radicals of the Left. While most Americans watched with pleasure as a pillar of ObamaCare fell, liberals sulked at another loss for lawlessness. Democrats couldn’t fire off their press releases fast enough as they vowed to push their assault on faith in the marketplace by ending justices’ opt-out. Promising a legislative fix, Majority leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) insisted that Americans’ “right” to sex-on-demand trumps a company’s deeply held beliefs on contraception and abortifacients.

As out of touch as liberals are with the law, it turns out that they’re even more out of touch with voters. While the Left trotted out its tired “war on women” line, FRC’s Cathy Ruse pointed out that the majority of women opposed the mandate — including 60% of the lower court female judges who voted to stop it!

Our own survey, which helped shape the messaging for the entire movement, confirmed the trend. Back in May, WPA Opinion Research found in an FRC-commissioned poll that 53% of voters (including 50% of women!) disapproved of the idea that employers’ should have to pay for workers’ sexual decisions. So if there is a war, it’s on the facts.

While the Twitter world ignites with threats of burning down Hobby Lobby stores (and a record number of profane comments), most of the outrage is entirely unfounded. As Sean Davis explained, “The truth of the matter is that the case was about abortion, specifically four types of contraception that can result in the destruction of a fertilized egg. Hobby Lobby paid for 16 different types of non-abortive contraceptive coverage for its employees.”

As liberals try to spin this into a debate about denying women free “reproductive care,” the reality is that the federal government already gives out free birth control and abortion drugs at Title X clinics all across America. What the Court said was that it’s not right to order conscientious objectors to provide it, under threat of crippling fines, when there are other ways to get it to them. Plus, the Federalist jabs, there’s no such thing as “denying access” to birth control if these businesses are paying employees wages they can then use to buy whatever they want. But unfortunately, the Left never lets the truth get in the way of a convenient sound bite.

Meanwhile, the political debate goes on. House Speaker John Boehner, like more than two dozen other members, praised Monday’s ruling. “Today’s decision is a victory for religious freedom and another defeat for an administration that has repeatedly crossed constitutional lines in pursuit of its Big Government objectives. The mandate overturned today would have required for-profit companies to choose between violating their constitutionally-protected faith or paying crippling fines, which would have forced them to lay off employees or close their doors.”

For now, the President, who’s been on the losing end of a number of major Supreme Court decisions, is resorting to a childish response, warning that he’ll try another end-run around the Court to get his way. “They’re acting like the town bully,” Cathy Ruse said. “‘Hey Mother Angelica, you don’t wanna provide free birth control pills to all of these people? Well, then, you pay us $100 every day for every person you refuse to supply… until you change your mind.’ There’s an easier way, and the Court gave them a map: If the White House wants to give free birth control and abortion drugs to every woman in America, they should pay for it, themselves.”

Of course, the irony in all this is that Democrats are suddenly jumping on the transparency bandwagon, which might be funny if it weren’t so offensive. Senate Whip Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) said yesterday that he would “I will introduce legislation that requires all corporations using this Supreme Court decision to deny or limit contraception services to disclose this policy to all employed and applicants for employment. Workers have a right to know if their employers are restricting the availability of a whole range of family planning coverage.” This from a party that created an ObamaCare “secrecy clause” to stop Americans from finding out whether their plans cover abortion!

If the President’s party is demanding clarity, we’re all for it. In the meantime, one thing is clear: the days of the HHS mandate may be numbered. In the last 24 hours, seven more religious institutions won emergency injunctions against the order (including EWTN and Wheaton College), setting up phase two of the mandate takedown. As dozens of nonprofits fight on, the Becket Fund predicted “the death knell is sounding for the HHS mandate.” Thank goodness. One vote the other way in the Supreme Court, and the death knell would have been for the First Amendment.

The Wait of the World Falls on Sudan
While Americans get ready to enjoy the long weekend, there’s one family overseas wishing they could join the 4th of July celebration here in the U.S. Meriam Ibrahim, her husband Daniel, and their two tiny children still wait in Khartoum for the green light to come to the states. Today, I again spoke with Sudanese officials, along with Members of Congress, and there is no substantial change in Meriam’s case. The fact that “administrative matters” continue to block her departure from Sudan is a reason for concern. The longer she’s detained in the country, the more dangerous it is for her and her family.

Knowing that she’s not yet left Sudan raises serious concerns about her safety and future fate. Please join me in lifting up Meriam, Daniel, Martin, and Maya in prayer — and continue to use your social media platforms to keep the pressure on U.S. officials to act. Meriam can’t afford for us to abandon her now!

President Tries to Fend Off Evidence of Incompetence

John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104With a cascade of scandals dominating the news, a desperate President Obama pleaded with voters to “not give up hope. The mistakes of a tiny minority can easily overwhelm the good work of the many. Probably less than one percent of government workers are boneheads. The rest of us shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.”

To help illustrate his case Obama told a story about an unnamed federal employee “who foolishly put things in writing that she shouldn’t have. Despite explicit instructions that no documentary evidence be produced she negligently or maliciously, we don’t know, entrusted highly confidential material to email correspondence. Now my enemies are demanding copies of these emails. If it hadn’t been for the fortuitous crash of a number of key computers this material could’ve fallen into the wrong hands.”

Statistical experts place the odds of all these “fortuitous” crashes occurring at the same time as one in 80 billion—a long shot that Obama attributed to “the ‘Man upstairs’ looking out for our best interests.”

The President also sought to characterize recent criticism of EPA employees defecating in office hallways as “myopic. From a superficial perspective this practice looks idiotic. What many are overlooking is the fact that these excretions are perfectly natural and biodegradable. Furthermore, the health concerns raised place an inordinate value on conditions favorable to humans and totally disregard what might be beneficial to other life forms. The EPA’s mission is to preserve all creatures, even those some callously categorize as ‘germs.’”

In related news, Press Secretary Josh Earnest labeled Republican Representatives Louie Gohmert and Bill Flores’ proposed $1 million reward for any individual who can recover former IRS director Lois Lerner’s “lost” emails “an exercise in futility. Far more money is available to the Administration, if need be, to ensure that this doesn’t happen. And if money alone can’t do the job the President has the authority to take extreme measures to defend the government against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.”

President Denounces Boehner Lawsuit as “Stunt”

This week House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) announced he was going to sue President Obama for abuse of executive authority. “Time-after-time the President has acted without proper authority,” Boehner charged. “He has refused to faithfully execute laws that require his action. Worse, he has endeavored to exercise legislative authority that the Constitution relegates to Congress. We are going to ask the Court to put a stop to this.”

President Obama laughed off the lawsuit calling it “a stunt designed to cover for Congress’ failure to govern. If Congress were to do its job as pass the legislation I’ve directed them to pass I wouldn’t be forced to take matters into my own hands.”

“Aside from the substantive issues there is also the question of the appropriate procedural remedy,” the President added. “Under our Constitution it is not the Court’s job to take sides with one branch of government over another. If Congress believes that I am stepping on its prerogatives the prescribed course is for them to impeach me.”

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) concurred in the President’s analysis. “Clearly, Congress must be the guardian of its own powers,” Reid asserted. “It cannot punt the ball to the Court.” As for impeachment, Reid vowed that “the Republicans will get no cooperation from me in any effort to impede President Obama’s efforts to do what he deems necessary for the good of the country. As long as I’m running the Senate there will be no impeachment.”

Raid Characterized as “Routine Training Exercise”

A pre-dawn raid of a Florida home was characterized as “a routine training exercise” by Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.

The raid took place on June 10 when a dozen heavily armed Department of Homeland Security troops broke into Kari Edwards home and held her and her live-in boyfriend at gun point while they searched the premises. The invading DHS officers disabled the home’s security cameras as they thoroughly trashed the premises.

“I realize that from Ms. Edwards’ perspective the incident may have been harrowing,” Johnson acknowledged. “But we mustn’t lose sight of the big picture. Inflicting momentary fear and indignities on a few individuals is a small price for the nation to pay in our quest to combat potential threats to the government.”

“The notion that we need evidence that someone has done something wrong before we can take the steps necessary to protect against possible threats confuses judicial processes with those required to ensure security,” Johnson continued. “The goal is not to punish the guilty, but to neutralize our enemies in the most efficient way we can. Besides, even if we want to consider the judicial angle, it seems to me that a surprise raid might be the most effective way to obtain evidence of wrongdoing.”

Clinton Defends $225,000 Speaking Fee

Elias Benjelloun’s, the UNLV student body president, and Daniel Waqar’s, the student government’s public relations director, protest that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s $225,000 fee for a single speech is excessive was slapped down by the lady herself.

“Students angry that their tuition fees are being increased shouldn’t try to take it out on me,” Clinton angrily exclaimed. “I have unique credentials. I’ve been a First Lady and co-president, a United States Senator, and Secretary of State. Audiences should expect to pay more to hear me.”

Clinton compared her fee with the $230,000 per game salary paid to the NBA’s LeBron James. “Considering the relative importance of the contributions each of us has made to America I think it’s pretty clear that I’m the one being grossly underpaid,” she complained. “As skilled as LeBron may be, he’s never had to make the hard choices I have. He doesn’t have to worry that someone might die because he makes a bad decision. I did.”

Hefty speaking fees (over $100 million since 2001) have been the mainstay of the Clintons’ battle to escape poverty since leaving the White House in early 2001. The $16 million the Clinton’s have received from the federal government since 2001 has been “woefully inadequate when you consider the lifestyle we are forced to maintain,” Hillary contended. “For example, we had to pony up $3 million for our daughter’s wedding. The fact is, we can’t live like ordinary people—shopping at WalMart, eating home-cooked meals, scrimping on expenses. The people of America want us to enjoy the perks befitting the service we have rendered to the nation.”

President Offers More Flexibility for Federal Employees

President Obama is seeking to make being employed by the federal government a more pleasant experience. Along these lines he is introducing more flexible work hours.

“Analysis by the best work management experts shows that it doesn’t really matter how many hours government employees spend on the job,” Obama said. “Whether they’re at their desks or not doesn’t seem to make any difference in the output of meaningful work. So why not reduce the burden of reporting to work?”

Not being required to actually go in to work in order to earn a federal paycheck was described as “a major hike in the benefit of a government job for the employees affected” said the report referred to by the President. “The disutility of having to invest so many hours in preparing for work, traveling to work, and sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day can be significantly reduced if the number or employees required to make this investment is lower.”

Benefits for employees weren’t the only upside cited in the report: “The more federal jobs that are converted from ‘no-work’ to ‘no-show’ status the less stress will be placed on urban traffic. Those who must actually produce a product or service in order to earn a living will face less traffic congestion traveling to work.”

President Obama rejected the report’s implication that a considerable amount of expense could be avoided if the unneeded employees were terminated. “The idea that the government should simply release unneeded employees fails to take into consideration the impact that would have on our economy,” the President argued. “The money we spend on the salaries of these redundant workers is vital to sustaining our GDP. Think of all the businesses that depend upon the money federal employees spend. If they lose these customers our economy will tank.”

Constitutional Amendment to Curb Speech Pushed by Democrats

Sparked by fears that “many dedicated incumbents could be run out of office by well-financed campaigns by dangerously anti-government factions,” Senator Tom Udall (D-NM) and 42 Democratic co-sponsors have drafted a Constitutional Amendment that aims to curb free speech.

“Right now as long as a person has enough money to afford it he can take out an ad, publish a broadside, or fund a TV spot against a sitting member of the Government,” Udall pointed out. “The men and women who have devoted their lives to serving the citizens of this great republic don’t deserve this kind of treatment.”

Under Udall’s proposed Amendment freedom of speech would be subject to whatever limits Congress determines would best suit the needs of the Government. “We want competition for office,” Udall agreed. “But it must be fair competition. Congress needs to have the flexibility to make rules that will ensure fairness.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Cong. Franks introduces New Border Bill

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congressman Trent Franks (Arizona District 8) today introduced the National Border and Homeland Security Act in response to the growing crisis on our southern border.

According to Franks, “Border security and national security are inextricably linked. A porous border is an open invitation to those who wish to harm America, and for too long our borders have been an inviting access point for drug smugglers, human traffickers, and potential terrorists. The situation has only become more dire in light of the influx of tens of thousands of unaccompanied minors illegally crossing our southern border en masse.

“Much like in a surgical procedure, the first step undeniably must be to stop the bleeding. The National Border and Homeland Security Act aims to do precisely that.”

The National Border and Homeland Security Act would direct the Department of Homeland Security to finish the construction of fencing, and to provide for the installation of additional physical barriers, roads, lighting, cameras, and sensors to gain operational control of the southwest border. Operational control of the border will no longer be defined solely by DHS, but will require consultation with border governors, mayors, and sheriffs.

The bill also creates 6,000 new full-time positions for border patrol agents, as well as giving Border Patrol critical access to the 40 percent of land between California and El Paso controlled by the federal government – much of it in the form of national parks and wildlife refuges where border patrol agents are often denied access.

The bill also better equips our border patrol agents to protect our national security by providing the advanced equipment necessary to scan for nuclear materials.

 

Vulnerable Socialists Tell Gabby Giffords, Husband to Stay Away with Talk of Gun Control

By AWR Hawkins | Breitbart.com
June 23, 2014-06-24

Red state Democrats who are fighting to overcome their support of gun control and get re-elected are asking gun control proponents Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly to stay out of their states.

This comes after Breibart News’ June 4 report that Giffords and Kelly planned to help Senators Mark Udall (D-CO), Mary Landrieu (D-LA), and Kay Hagan (D-NC) get re-elected this November.

Now Udall, Landrieu, and Hagan are pushing Giffords and Kelly to stay away from their races.

According to The Washington Times, the three incumbents are trying to keep gun control from erupting as a major issue in their contests, and they fear that is exactly what will happen once Giffords and Kelly join the fray.

Moreover, “political strategists” warn the red state Democrats that “the gun issue poses too much risk for Democrats already struggling in those red and purple states.”

An “activist” inside Giffords’ and Kelly’s Americans For Responsible Solutions admitted they are fully aware of the danger a gun control push can cause a candidate. However, they also claim politicizing gun issues can “[motivate] gun control supporters and [persuade] people to join the cause, especially among female voters.”

Endorsements for Arizona Primary Election

The Arizona Conservative has officially begun tracking candidates for public office in the Grand Canyon State in advance of November‘s elections. Voters have two choices: candidates who will champion FREEDOM for the individual and those who will push policies that deny and reduce personal freedoms – the candidates of socialism and excessive government CONTROL of your life. Whom do you want in office? Those who protect your constitutional freedom, or those who would expand government and take away more and more of your freedom? Your vote will impact every facet of American society and culture. We are still researching candidates, but the primary is August 26 and we want you to see who we are recommending so far:

Office Freedom Control
Governor Andy Thomas Fred DuVal
Secretary of State Will Cardon Chris Campas, Terry Goddard
Attorney General Mark Brnovich Felicia Rotellini
State Treasurer Randy Pullen
Supt. Of Public Instruction Diane Douglas Sharon Thomas, David Garcia
Mining Inspector Joe Hart Manuel Cruz
Congress-District 1 Adam Kwasman Ann Kirkpatrick
Congress-District 2 Martha McSally Ron Barber
Congress-District 3 Gabriela Saucedo Mercer Raul Grijalva
Congress-District 4 Paul Gosar Mikel Weisser
Congress-District 5 Matt Salmon
Congress-District 6 David Schweikert
Congress-District 7 Steve Gallardo, Cesar Chavez
Congress-District 8 Trent Franks Helmuth Hack
Congress-District 9 Wendy Rogers, Andrew Walter Kyrsten Sinema

Arizona Legislature

District 1

Senate:

House: Linda Gray, Karen Fann

District 2

Senate:

House:

District 3

Senate:

House:

District 4

Senate: Connie Uribe

House:

District 5

Senate: Kelli Ward

House: Sam Medrano

District 6

Senate: Chester Crandall

House: Brenda Barton

District 7

Senate:

House:

District 8

Senate: Irene Littleton

House: Darla Dawald

District 9

Senate:

House: Ethan Orr

District 10

Senate:

House:

District 11

Senate: Steve Smith

House: Vince Leach, Mark Finchem

District 12

Senate: Andy Biggs

House: Eddie Farnsworth, Warren Peterson

District 13

Senate: Don Shooter

House: Darin Mitchell, Steve Montenegro

District 14

Senate: Gail Griffin

House: David Gowan, David Stevens

District 15

Senate: Nancy Barto

House: John Allen, David Smith

District 16

Senate: David Farnsworth

House: Kelly Townsend, John Fillmore

District 17

SenateA Steve Yarbrough

House: J.D. Mesnard, Jeff Weninger

District 18

Senate: Tom Morrissey

House: John King, Jill Norgaard

District 19

Senate:

House:

District 20

Senate: Kimberly Yee

House: Paul Boyer, Carl Seel

District 21

Senate: Debbie Lesko

House: Rick Gray

District 22

Senate: Judy Burges

House: David Livington, Phil Lovas

District 23

Senate: John Kavanaugh

House: Jay Lawrence, Michelle Ugenti

District 24

Senate:

House:

District 25

Senate:

House: Rusty Bowers, Justin Olsen, Jerry Walker

District 26

Senate:

House:

District 27

Senate:

House:

District 28

Senate:

House: Shawna Bolick

District 29

Senate:

House:

District 30

Senate: Gary Cox

House:

 

Propositions

Tempe–475: Non-discrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity

NO: This proposition is not in the best interests of individuals who are struggling with same-sex attraction and who are confused about their gender.  Furthermore, these non-discrimination bills, fronted by leftists seeking to destroy traditional marriage and family structure, are cited by activist judges to over-rule the First Amendment’s guarantee of free speech and the free exercise of religion.  For these reasons, VOTE NO.

 

 

 

Cong. Franks: Obama Most Inept President Ever

028_29WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congressman Trent Franks (AZ-08), a ranking Republican Member of the House Armed Services Committee, spoke to Eric Shawn on Fox News this weekend about the rampage of the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) across Iraq. Franks criticized the Obama Administration for failing to listen to the generals who warned that a failure to secure a Status of Forces Agreement would lead to the sort of scenario currently unfolding, stating that the Administration has a “magic ability…to get it wrong every time,” and that the notion of “ignoring the danger of this jihadist ideology has bewildered our friends and emboldened our enemies and it’s left suffering and death in the wake every time.” The full segment and a transcript is available below:

Transcript

Eric Shawn: The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria are on the march. They are said now to be only 40 miles away from Baghdad. And with those 300 U.S. military adviser on their way to Iraq to help the Shiite government get the crisis under control, will they? Republican Congressman Trent Franks from Arizona sits on the House Armed Services Committee and joins us now from San Diego. Congressman, good to see you. Look, 300 American adviser. Can that number turn the tide against these fired up, ruthless Islamic militants?

Trent Franks: Well, our special forces and some of the advisers we are sending have an incredible ability to organize and to understand the danger that we face there, so there is certainly some efficacy to that. But, you know, the bigger story here: when you opened the program, you mentioned the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. That really tells the whole story if we examine carefully.  Because this administration somehow has this magic ability when it comes to the middle east or really anywhere else in the world on foreign policy to get it wrong every time. Their generals warned them that if we pulled out of Iraq without a status of forces agreement that something like this could happen. And this ISIS group that makes al-Qaeda look like a bunch of cub scouts — one of the most dangerous and brutal groups in the world — they are beheading their way across Iraq, they are killing especially Christians. And yet, we have known about this group for quite some time. This administration simply had to read their own (ISIS’) reports of some 10,000 operations of military capacity there, and they claimed to have had 4,000 improvised explosive devices, over a thousand assassinations. I just don’t know how this catches this administration every time. It seems like the naiveté and the hell-bent notion of ignoring the danger of this jihadist ideology has bewildered our friends and emboldened our enemies and it’s left suffering and death in the wake every time.

Eric Shawn: Congressman, excuse me for interrupting, someone pointed out al-Maliki didn’t want us there. That the Obama Administration insisted on the parliament approving that status of forces and that wasn’t going to happen. So, you know, this is al-Maliki’s fault.

Trent Franks: Well, Maliki is obviously a failed leader. There is no question about that. But this administration has projected weakness and vacillation and naiveté all over the world. And, if you just grant me diplomatic immunity here, Eric, I don’t mean to be harsh, but somewhere, on a peanut farm in south Georgia, Jimmy Carter must be breathing an enormous sigh of relief, because he knows now that he will not go down in history as the most inept president we have ever had.

Eric Shawn: I want to point out again that you are a Republican. If I could point that out. But there is something in the Wall Street Journal – front page today — about a secret U.S. plan to aid Iraq that fizzled among mutual distrust. The administration tried to do something secretly, says the Wall Street Journal, but in just didn’t work. We won’t read the whole thing, Congressman, but let me just get your reaction, because we only have a minute.

Trent Franks: Well, ultimately, as you know, there are issues all over the country and the world now that I think represent some pretty serious danger to this country. This administration has even talked about allying ourselves with Iran and that will only give them additional credibility. If iran gains a nuclear weapons capability, which I think this helps them in that pursuit, we will need a new calendar, Eric. It will change our world that much. And our children will then walk in the shadow of nuclear terrorism. And I have to suggest to you it just boggles and be bewilders me to no end.

Eric Shawn: We have to leave it there. Thank you for joining us.

Conservative Melvin Pulls Out of Governor’s Primary Race

IMG_3362Citing his campaign’s pace in collecting $5 contributions, and certain that Clean Elections funding would not be received in time for the start of early balloting, State Senator Al Melvin has formally withdrawn from the race for Arizona governor, filing the required documents with the Arizona Secretary of State.  He issued the following statement:

“I had planned on having more time to decide my campaign’s future, but I was alerted by the secretary of state’s office that while Maricopa County’s deadline to withdraw was June 27th, the remaining counties had their own early deadline and a decision had to be made by today.  So after prayerful consideration with my wife and closest advisers and supporters, I filed the necessary documents with the secretary of state’s office to formally withdraw from the race.

This was a difficult decision, but one that I am at peace with.  It was difficult because I believe so passionately about the principles we were campaigning for and because, as other candidates can attest to, you feel a tremendous responsibility to not let down your supporters and all those who have contributed time and treasure to the effort.  At the same time, I am at peace with the decision because in spite of our efforts we were not going to be able to win the race, and no one who believes in our shared conservative values wants to see conservatives split the vote and allow a liberal to claim our party’s nomination.

Our cause is more important than any one person.  For that reason it is time to end this particular campaign.  But this is not the end of our fight for secure borders, high Arizona education standards instead of Common Core, tax relief, Texas-style tort reform, universal school vouchers, an energy policy that addresses Arizona’s long-term needs and economic health, and more.  I look forward to seeing everyone on the campaign trail soon, and for years to come.”

IRS Head Says Special Prosecutor Would Be Waste of Money

John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Citing a lenFolder2 104gthy list of suspicious coincidences—including the most recent loss of critical evidence due to a narrowly focused crash of the computers used by individuals involved in the discriminatory treatment of conservative organizations—many of the Agency’s critics have called for a “Special Prosecutor.”

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen told the House Ways and Means Committee, though, that “appointing a ‘Special Prosecutor’ to investigate alleged abuses in the Agency would be a colossal waste of money. Look, we’ve thoroughly frustrated every inquiry launched thus far. Why should anyone think we wouldn’t just as easily thwart a so-called Special Prosecutor?”

Representative Dave Camp (R-Mich), chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, characterized Koskinen’s remarks as “the kind of arrogance that reeks of tyranny. This Administration and its agents act as if the law and Constitution do not apply to them.”

Koskinen taunted Camp in his reply asserting that “if Mr. Camp and his cohorts are displeased with the way we are running the Government the Constitution has a prescribed remedy they may follow. Their reluctance to take up this remedy is a testimony to their impotence. If I am construed as being disrespectful I think I am on solid ground when I say that they’ve earned it.”

Representative Elijah Cummings (D-Maryland) strenuously objected to “Camp’s rude behavior toward this dedicated civil servant. The IRS is tasked with the crucial and difficult job of recovering the nation’s resources from individuals who would siphon them off for their own personal gain. The conservative groups that the IRS targeted are aiding and abetting greedy individuals by resisting the tax increases and spending programs that are part-and-parcel of the implementation of the President’s plan to secure social justice for all.”

CFPB Announces Broad New Powers

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau announced in the Federal Register that it will “aggressively deploy cease and desist orders against businesses whose activities are a detriment to the nation’s well-being.” For the moment this new authority is “interim.” It is expected to become final on July 18.

“For too long the Government has sat idly by while businesses have foisted unsafe and unhealthy products on an unsuspecting public,” CFPB Director Richard Cordray charged. “Under Section 1053(c) of the Dodd-Frank Act, we are empowered to protect the general public by ordering offending businesses to cease and desist.”

Two industries that are expected to be first-in-line for a stepped up enforcement using this tool are gun manufacturers and fast food restaurants. “The sole purpose of a gun is to kill something or someone,” Cordray said. “It is an inherently unsafe product. By issuing a cease and desist order to manufacturers of these demonic devices we can bypass the inability of Congress to enact meaningful gun control laws.”

“Fast food is an even more insidious threat,” Cordray continued. “It’s probably responsible for more deaths than firearms. Yet, despite the best efforts of the First Lady businesses are still allowed to sell and consumers still allowed to buy these sickening comestibles. Well, the CFPB is going to ride to her rescue. Those who refuse to heed her request to offer healthier food choices will be shut down until they agree to comply.”

Businesses shut down by a CFPB cease and desist order could appeal the decision, but would remain closed as long as the CFPB deems warranted or until the CFPB order is overruled by a court. Either way, affected businesses could be without revenue for an extended period. Even if a court ultimately overturned a CFPB order the Agency would retain sovereign immunity for any damages suffered by shuttered businesses.

Concerned that the CFPB “may be overstepping its bounds to the detriment of both businesses and consumers,” Representative Sean Duffy (R-Wisc) has drafted legislation aimed at curbing the Agency. Whether it will go anywhere seems doubtful, though. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) denounced Duffy’s bill as “an unconstitutional infringement on the President’s right and duty to protect the American people from profiteers purveying unsafe and unhealthy products.”

In related news, First Lady Michelle Obama vowed she would “veto any legislative attempt to tamper with my school lunch program.” Schools have pressed Congress for relief from Michelle’s dietary guidelines on the grounds that students refuse to eat the food the guidelines require. The First Lady was unmoved. “Uneaten healthy food is better than eaten unhealthy food,” she argued. “Hunger will eventually bring the kids around.”

DOJ Wants to Boost Domestic Surveillance

Vowing not to allow himself to be distracted by recent events in Iraq, Attorney General Eric Holder called for increased efforts to monitor and interdict home grown threats.

“I know the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria is garnering a lot of attention beheading captured foes and pledging to use the cache of poison gas it has stumbled upon while rampaging through Iraq,” Holder said. “But this must not divert our focus from the bigger threat from those in this country who have an anti-government animus.”

“ISIS is thousands of miles away,” Holder pointed out. “Bloody as their aims may be they don’t pose a significant threat to our Government. In contrast, anti-government enemies of the President are legion and much more dangerous. There are an estimated 300 million guns in private hands in this country. That’s a lot of firepower in the hands of a population that polls show to be increasingly hostile toward the President.”

“While ISIS has no known sympathizers in Congress, those with anti-government animus do,” Holder added. “Senators and Representatives think nothing of openly criticizing the President’s programs and initiatives. Worse, they engage in active stratagems intended to block them. Unlike the ISIS, the anti-government crowd in America could bring down the Administration if we don’t take more active measures to prevent it.”

One element of the active measures the Attorney General is relying upon is the Domestic Terrorism Executive Committee. Holder urged this secretive committee “to raise our surveillance of potentially disloyal citizens another notch. We must penetrate their organizations, intercept their communications, and acquire every bit of intelligence on them that we can get our hands on so we will know who they are, where they are and when to initiate the appropriate countermeasures.”

Obama Says Iran May Be Key to Pacifying Iraq

Desperate for a way out of having to accept blame for a resumption of civil war in Iraq, President Obama welcomed the intervention of Iranian troops.

“It’s a case of fighting fire with fire,” the President explained. “The ISIS are some bad folks, but so are the Iranians. ISIS is terrorizing the Iraqi countryside, but Iran has a long history of aiding terrorist organizations like Hezbollah.”

Obama suggested that ISIS’s acquisition of Saddam Hussein’s secret stash of weapons of mass destruction could be counterbalanced by Iran’s secret nuclear weapons. “While the United States couldn’t credibly threaten ISIS with nuclear retaliation for their use of Saddam’s poison gases Iran could,” the President argued. “The regime is already on record welcoming the annihilation of the planet in the name of Allah.”

In related news, Secretary of State John Kerry wondered whether the Iraqi government’s indifference to the threat of global climate disruption may have contributed to the rise of ISIS. “Climate disruption has the potential to kill millions, maybe billions of the Earth’s inhabitants,” Kerry asserted. “I’m not surprised that many Iraqis watching their government ignore this problem were won over to the insurgency.”

Presidential Candidate Clarifies Gun Control Views

 

Aspiring 2016 presidential contender former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sought to contrast her views on gun control with “the ineffectual dithering we’ve seen from the current Oval Office inhabitant.”

“Let me come right out and say it, the minority of private citizens with guns are terrorizing the rest of the population,” Clinton contended. “It’s got to be frightening for the average person when he realizes that his neighbor or the stranger passing him in the street may be armed and could shoot him at any moment.”

“If access to guns were limited to only those having a professional need for them—like police officers or body guards we could ratchet down the level of fear in our society,” Clinton continued. “Instead of having to worry that anyone might have a gun the number of those carrying would be reduced to a smaller pool. Awareness that the police have a virtual monopoly of firepower would tend to make everyone more compliant with police efforts to keep the peace. Stripped of the capacity to resist the only reasonable option would be obedience.”

Clinton brushed aside arguments that gun ownership is protected by the Second Amendment. “When that Amendment was written people were reacting to a fear that some despot would oppress them unless they were armed,” she said. “They had recently fought a war against the despotism of King George. In today’s America, though, there can be no despotism. Everyone gets to vote for who shall rule them. In effect, the Government is us. So our right to bear arms is preserved collectively in the hands of our elected Government. There is no longer any need for the right to bear arms to be exercised by each of us individually.”

In related news, the Clintons defended their efforts to evade estate taxes that Bill helped enact when he was President. “As persons who have donated their lives to public service we have already paid-in more than the average person, by rights we ought to be exempt,” a joint written statement read. “The scandalous absence of an explicit statutory exemption necessitated the maneuvers we have taken to right that wrong.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Outpouring of Support Saves Arizona Church

QUARTZSITE, Ariz. — A small Arizona church that helps the homeless will now be able to remain open after receiving more than $68,000 in donations to cover an illegal tax bill it was required to pay by June 15 to avoid foreclosure. La Paz County required the church to pay the tax even though both state law and the Arizona Department of Revenue say the church isn’t liable.

Alliance Defending Freedom attorneys represent Church of the Isaiah 58 Project of Arizona in a lawsuit over the taxes, but because state courts have been unwilling to defer payment of the back-taxes until the completion of litigation, the congregation faced foreclosure. Supporters of the church, which operates on a shoestring budget of only $50,000 per year, contributed enough to pay the tax bill, allowing the church to stay open and continue its lawsuit.

“After an outpouring of support from Christians across the country, this church won’t have to shut its doors and discontinue its crucial ministry,” said ADF Senior Legal Counsel Erik Stanley. “Now we can move forward and challenge the unjust actions of one county official who has illegally impeded the church’s efforts to help the least fortunate in a struggling community.”

Under state law, the church qualified for an exemption from property taxes and filed the appropriate paperwork with the La Paz County property assessor. The assessor sat on the paperwork for three years before granting a tax exemption and then only granted it for the years 2009 and later, leaving the church with back taxes for 2007-2008 that it should not owe.

A September 2013 decision from the Arizona Court of Appeals in Church of the Isaiah 58 Project of Arizona v. La Paz County upheld an earlier Tax Court ruling that said the church had to pay the tax bill before challenging it as illegal. ADF attorneys have argued, however, that state law does not require the church to do so when it is challenging an illegally assessed tax so high that the congregation can’t pay the bill and ask for a refund later.

The Arizona Supreme Court recently declined to hear an appeal, leaving the church with no choice but to raise enough money to pay the illegal tax bill to stay open, continue its lawsuit, and then seek a refund of the bill if it prevails.

–Alliance Defending Freedom

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