Government Panel Calls for Measures to Upgrade Our Health

BJohn Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnThe Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee (DGAC) issued a 571 page report outlining its recommendations for transforming Americans’ health. Citing persistent high levels of overweight and obesity, the report proposed “strategies across multiple settings, including health care, communities, schools, work sites, and families.”

First Lady Michelle Obama hailed the report as “the guiding light toward a healthier and happier America. The notion that individuals can be left on their own to choose what they eat and how much to exercise has proven to be a failure. DGAC’s call for ‘trained interventionists’ to take charge is the right message at the right time.”

These “interventions” are expected to include “limiting access to high calorie foods, censoring advertisements for unhealthy choices, and punitive taxes on foods with high sugar or salt content.” The DGAC report also urged a shift toward a more vegetarian diet. “While most people have a very negative view of the role Adolf Hitler has played in human history, one thing that is repeatedly overlooked was his dedication to vegetarianism,” the report said. “His efforts to set an example that others might follow is an under appreciated aspect of his contribution toward a healthier human race—both in terms of what we put in our bodies and in the positive impact on global climate change that a shift away from meat consumption would accomplish.”

What people ingest is only part of the problem,” the First Lady pointed out. “Too many of us camp out in front of the TV and neglect to get enough exercise. We have the means now to track everything people watch and how much time they spend watching it. We can use this information to target individuals needing more external influence over their choices for how they use their leisure time.”

The DGAC report characterized personal health as “a human right that the government must guarantee to everyone, whether they want it or not. Individual deviation from healthy choices affects the collective well-being of others. Deterring this deviationism is a crucial step toward a healthier society.”

Beheadings in Libya Said to Vindicate Obama’s Warning

The Islamic State’s claim that the beheading of 21 Egyptian Christians was justified as vengeance for the Crusades was cited by US Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest “as a total vindication of the President’s speech at the National Prayer Breakfast two weeks ago.”

That a cycle of violence initiated by Christians centuries ago would come back to haunt practitioners of that faith today should not have been unexpected,” Earnest maintained. “The Crusaders killed hundreds of thousands of Muslims. The ISIL reprisals in Libya were modest and restrained in comparison. Once again, the President’s wisdom and insight have clarified what others have either failed to see or have attempted to distort.”

Earnest also chided those who have lampooned deputy spokesperson for the US Department of State, Marie Harf’s suggestion that the long run remedy for dealing with Islamic terrorism is to give them jobs. “Even if we ignore the possibility that a job might remove the incentive for violence, it should be obvious that the hours a person is working for a wage are hours that are unavailable for engaging in jihad,” Earnest argued.

Whether the Obama Administration’s plan to offer would-be jihadis jobs has any chance of success was thrown into doubt by reports from Uruguay that Gitmo detainees released to that country are refusing to accept employment. Abu Wa’el, one of the former detainees, went on TV to reject the idea that he and his comrades should join the workforce. “We are fighters for Allah,” he boasted. “We cannot waste our time laboring like kafirs. In a just world they would be serving us as our price for letting them live.”

Wa’el demands that “the Uruguayan government should bear the cost of our upkeep so that we can remain free to work toward the ultimate victory of Islam.” President of Uruguay Pepe Mujica is said to be ruing what he thought would be a humanitarian gesture of gaining these men their release from an American prison. “Their evil intent is moderated only by their sloth,” Mujica lamented. “I now fear we will never dislodge this wretched refuse from our shores.”

In related news, CNN host Carol Costello asserted that “right wing extremists are more dangerous than ISIS. As bad as ISIS might be perceived, there is no risk that they will topple our government. Despite their rhetoric, even they must understand that anyone who would succeed President Obama would be much less sympathetic to their cause. Right wingers, on the other hand, wouldn’t think twice about bringing down the Obama Administration. Clearly, they are the greater threat to our government.”

Democrat Defends Obama’s “Tough Love” for America

In the wake of his questioning of President Obama’s love for this country, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani is catching flak from Democratic National Committee chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

This kind of comment is unwelcome and dangerous,” Schultz said. “The President is the most powerful person on the planet. Insulting him like this is tantamount to poking a lion with a stick. What can Giuliani be thinking?”

“What people need to understand is that President Obama is not a ‘rah-rah’ or ‘God bless America’ type of patriot,” Schultz explained. “He’s just the only president to be completely honest about how bad America and its people have been to humanity. This nation’s history of slavery and discrimination have forever besmirched its reputation. No Republican would’ve had the courage to be so honest.”

“Neither would any Republican dare to assail the selfishness of the successful as forthrightly as President Obama has,” Schultz continued. “Their hesitancy to face the need for the government to seize the superfluous wealth of those lucky enough to have the energy, motivation, and intelligence to thrive in the marketplace is a mark of their cowardice.’

“The President’s love for this country is what we call ‘tough love,’” Schultz concluded. “He’s not afraid to kick our asses and demand that we be better than we want to be. For a slacker like Giuliani to show such disrespect to the President for doing what he has to do to shape us up is horrible.”

One American whose ass was kicked in a demonstration of government’s “tough love” is 71-year-old Barronelle Stutzman. Stutzman is set to lose her home and life’s savings for refusing to sell flowers to a couple for their gay wedding. Benton County Superior Court Judge Alex Ekstrom ruled that “the fact that the couple had no problem obtaining flowers from another vendor doesn’t mitigate the fact that she broke the law—which allows for no exceptions due to religious beliefs. The severity of her punishment serves as a deterrent to others who might place their own opinions ahead of the dictates of the statute.”

Vice-President Joe Biden praised Ekstrom’s ruling saying “it’s the kind of bitter medicine we must force down the throats of those who use the Bible as an excuse to defy the government’s creation of new human rights for formerly oppressed persons. It is my devout wish that the ruin inflicted on this grandmother, as well as others who espouse this kind of hate, will prompt the obedience the President is trying to instill across the land. Without obedience there can be no fundamental transformation.”

Court Ruling Won’t Impede Amnesty

U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Texas, Judge Andrew Hanen’s ruling against the Obama Administration’s unilateral rewriting of the nation’s immigration laws has Democrats incensed. Hanen demolished the Administration’s contention that President Obama’s actions were within his “prosecutorial discretion.” “It is within the President’s discretion not to prosecute individuals who have broken our laws,” the Judge said. “It is not within his discretion to create new laws without Congressional legislation.”

Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson vowed to press ahead regardless of the ruling. “The opinion of a single judge in Texas can’t overturn the decision of the President to revamp the way this country handles immigration,” Johnson decreed. “President Obama was elected by the people to be the sovereign ruler of the United States. Hanen wasn’t elected by anyone. The scope of his authority does not entitle him to scrutinize, much less void, the actions taken by the President.”

Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) predicted that “this court’s ruling will be ignored. The immigrants will continue to come and the President will provide them with the papers they need to establish themselves as full citizens. A tidal wave of their votes will sweep all amnesty opponents out of office in 2016.”

Mexico’s Foreign Minister José Antonio Meade Kuribreña denounced the court ruling calling it “a futile attempt to derail the reconquista. No one will obey it. With the assistance of President Obama, our people will reclaim the lands stolen from Mexico by President Polk and his army in 1848.”

In related news, Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN) demanded federal legislation that would bar states from requiring voters to be registered. “Voting should be a universal human right,” Ellison claimed. “No state should be allowed to restrict any human from exercising this right. The whole process should be simple—every human who shows up at the polls should be given a ballot to cast.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Pro-Life Warriors: Call Your Lawmaker in Support of SB 1318

Center for Arizona Policy President Cathi Herrod reports …

A CAP-supported bill to keep taxpayer money from subsidizing abortion insurance coverage will be considered by the Arizona Senate in the next few days. Your senators need to hear from you on this issue!

Abortion should not be paid for with tax dollars, yet 41 out of 199 insurance plans available on Arizona’s federally-run healthcare exchange are doing exactly that. What’s more, last year, nearly 90% of those purchasing plans on the exchange got some sort of taxpayer-funded subsidy.

SB 1318 will ensure Arizonans are fully protected from having their tax dollars subsidize abortions by ensuring no plans offered on the exchange include elective abortion coverage.

As usual, Planned Parenthood and the American Civil Liberties Union want to force Arizonans to pay for abortions. That’s why it’s critical that you contact your elected officials today and ask them to vote YES on SB 1318!

SB 1318 also ensures abortion clinics are complying with Arizona law by requiring them to provide verification that they have admitting privileges at a hospital as prescribed by law.

Use these talking points to craft your message to legislators. Don’t forget to add a custom Subject Line. It can be as simple as “Please Vote YES on SB 1318” or “Please Support SB 1318”.

  • SB 1318 will ensure that taxpayer dollars are not funding abortion in Arizona. This bill simply clarifies a law already in place to guarantee that no tax dollars will fund abortion.
  • Seventeen other states have the same law as SB 1318. And a total of 23 other states have restricted the circumstances under which plans on their exchanges may provide abortions.
  • SB 1318 also ensures that compliance with current clinic regulations is followed. Allowing DHS to verify that doctors who perform abortions have admitting privileges at a hospital as prescribed by law ensures the safety of the women walking into the clinic.
  • A woman’s legal right to choose an abortion does not demand that taxpayers subsidize or pay for an abortion. SB 1318 does not restrict women from having an abortion but simply does not allow taxpayers to have to pay for that abortion procedure.

Winter Blooming in Arizona

IMG_3838

Most of the nation is shivering in winter, but already in Arizona several plant species are blooming.

Does Abuse Contribute to the Development of Same-Sex Attraction?

You won’t get the following scientific information from the left-stream media or the government schools. They are purposely withholding the truth about same-sex attraction. To be fully informed about the truth, please read below:

Information extracted from 13,000 face-to-face interviews clearly showed those with same-sexual or bisexual orientation were more likely to have experienced negative events in childhood, Associate Prof Elisabeth Wells said yesterday. People who had experienced sexual abuse as children were three times more likely to identity themselves as homosexual or bisexual than those who had not experienced abuse, she said. Also, the more adverse events someone experienced in childhood, the more likely they were to belong to one of the ‘non-exclusively heterosexual” groups. Associations between adverse events and sexuality group were found for sexual assault, rape, violence to the child and for witnessing violence in the home.  Other adverse events, such as the sudden death of a loved one, serious childhood illness or accident, were only slightly associated with non-heterosexual identity or behavior.”

http://www.odt.co.nz/campus/university-otago/117336/sexual-orientation-link-past-study

Several studies have demonstrated that lesbian and bisexual women are more likely than heterosexual women to report childhood abuse and adult sexual assault. It is unknown, however, which sexual minority women are most likely to experience such abuse. We recruited adult sexual minority women living in the US through electronic fliers sent to listservs and website groups inviting them to complete an online survey (N=1,243). We examined differences in both childhood abuse and adult sexual assault by women’s current gender identity (i.e., butch, femme, androgynous, or other) and a continuous measure of gender expression (from butch/masculine to femme/feminine), adjusting for sexual orientation identity, age, education, and income. Results indicated that a more butch/masculine current self-assessment of gender expression, but not gender identity, was associated with more overall reported childhood trauma. Although one aspect of gender expression, a more butch/masculine gender role, was associated with adult sexual assault, feminine appearance and a femme gender identity also significantly predicted adult sexual assault. These findings highlight the significance of gender identity and expression in identifying women at greater risk for various abuse experiences.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3758810/

43 percent of males with same sex attraction reported sexual activity with another male during the ages of 10-12, versus 9 percent of males with opposite sex attraction.

Source: Manosevitz, “Early sexual behavior in adult homosexual and heterosexual males,” Journal of abnormal psychology, 76 (1970), 396-402.

A large national survey of almost 35,000 Americans showed that more than three times as many men and women who had been sexually abused as children became same sex attracted, versus opposite sex attracted.

Source: Bell, Weinberg, Hammersmith, Sexual preference: Its development in men and women (1981). 7.4 percent or homosexual men and 3.1 percent of females, versus 2.0 percent of heterosexual men and 0.8 percent women.

Another study reported that 58 percent of male adolescents who later became same sex attracted suffered sexual abuse as children, while 90 percent who did not suffer sexual abuse did not.

Source: Sheir and Johnson, Sexual victimization of boys:… (1988) pp. 1189-93

“This report describes the high prevalence and context of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) among men who have sex with men (MSM) across 3 independent qualitative studies.” ‘Childhood sexual abuse in men who have sex with men: results from three qualitative studies.’”

University of Rochester, Rochester, NY…2008 Oct;14(4):385-90.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18954175

One 1992 study found that 37% of homosexual and bisexual men attending sexually transmitted disease clinics had been encouraged or forced to have sexual contact before age 19 with an older or more powerful partner. They are only 2-3% of the entire population. And the median age of first contact was as young as 10 years old!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1486514

The Archives of Sexual Behavior: “One of the most salient findings was that 46% of the homosexual men in contrast to 7% of the heterosexual men reported homosexual molestation. 22% of lesbian women in contrast to 1% of heterosexual women reported homosexual molestation.”

(Marie, E. Tomeo “Comparative Data of Childhood and Adolescent Molestation in Heterosexual and Homosexual Persons.” Source:Archives of Sexual Behavior 30 (2001): 539)

..homosexual attraction was greater in pedophiles than in other adults involved with sexual crimes with nearly a 2:1 difference.”

‘Review of 554 Medical Reports on Pedophilia’

Dr. John Hughes D.M.,M.D.,PhD., Medline Clinical Pediatrics: (See here & here).

A study of 279 homosexual/bisexual men with AIDS and control patients discussed in the Journal of the American Medical Association reported: “More than half of both case and control patients reported a sexual act with a male by age 16 years, approximately 20 percent by age 10 years.”

Source: Harry W. Haverkos, et al., “The Initiation of Male Homosexual Behavior,” The Journal of the American Medical Association 262 (July 28, 1989): 501.

Noted child sex abuse expert David Finkelhor found that “boys victimized by older men were over four times more likely to be currently engaged in homosexual activity than were non-victims. The finding applied to nearly half the boys who had had such an experience. Further, the adolescents themselves often linked their homosexuality to their sexual victimization experiences.”

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/1737828/

A study in the International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology found:”In the case of childhood sexual experiences prior to the age of fourteen, 40 percent (of the pedophile sample) reported that they had engaged ‘very often’ in sexual activity with an adult, with 28 percent stating that this type of activity had occurred ‘sometimes.’”

Source: Gary A. Sawle, Jon Kear-Colwell, “Adult Attachment Style and Pedophilia: A Developmental Perspective,” International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology 45 (February 2001):6.

A National Institute of Justice report states that “the odds that a childhood sexual abuse victim will be arrested as an adult for any sex crime is 4.7 times higher than for people who experienced no victimization as children.”

Source: Cathy Spatz Widom, “Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse – Later Criminal Consequences,” Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse Series: NIJ Research in Brief, (March 1995): 6.

A Child Abuse and Neglect study found that 59 percent of male child sex offenders had been “victim of contact sexual abuse as a child.”

Source: Michele Elliott, “Child Sexual Abuse Prevention: What Offenders Tell Us,” Child Abuse and Neglect 19 (1995): pg. 582.

The Journal of Child Psychiatry noted that “there is a tendency among boy victims to recapitulate their own victimization, only this time with themselves in the role of perpetrator and someone else the victim.”

Source: Bill Watkins and Arnon Bentovim, “The Sexual Abuse of Male Children and Adolescents: A Review of Current Research,” Journal of Child Psychiatry 33 (1992); in Byrgen Finkelman, Sexual Abuse (New York: Garland Publishing, 1995). p. 319. Watkins mentions several studies confirming that between 19 percent and 61 percent of male sex abusers had previously been sexually abused themselves.

Some homosexual activists have argued that sexual abuse shows no causal effects for lesbianism. Feel free to dig around on this point. You will find that is probable that self-identified lesbians have been participants in the samples of these studies, but they rarely have been studied separately from their heterosexual counterparts ( Source: Baker, 2003. Lesbian survivors of childhood sexual abuse: Community, identity, and resilience. Canadian Journal of Community, 22, 31-45).

So the reality is that there hasn’t really been a big effort to study a link between child sex abuse and lesbianism, but it looks like some have more recently…

“Using survey data from 63,028 women participating in the Nurses’ Health Study II, we investigated sexual orientation group differences in emotional, physical, and sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence. Results showed strong evidence of elevated frequency, severity, and persistence of abuse experienced by lesbian and bisexual women. Comparing physical abuse victimization occurring in both childhood and adolescence, lesbian (30%, prevalence ratio [PR] 1.61, 95% confidence interval [CI] 1.40, 1.84) and bisexual (24%, PR 1.26, 95% CI 1.00, 1.60) women were more likely to report victimization than were heterosexual women (19%). Similarly, comparing sexual abuse victimization occurring in both age periods, lesbian (19%, PR 2.16, 95% CI 1.80, 2.60) and bisexual (20%, PR 2.29, 95% CI 1.76, 2.98) women were more likely to report victimization than were heterosexual women (9%).” (2008 May;17)

Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18447763/

“…lesbians reported a greater incidence than their sisters of childhood physical and sexual abuse, as well as adult sexual abuse.” ‘Sexual and physical abuse: a comparison between lesbians and their heterosexual sisters’”

University of California, Davis, Davis, California, 2009;56(4):407-20

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19418332

“Roberts, Glymour, and Koenen (2013) presented evidence that childhood maltreatment is related to adult homosexuality, using an instrumental variables regression analysis. Briefly, several instrumental variables—presence of a stepparent, poverty, parental alcohol abuse, and parental mental illness—were related to adult homosexuality, but these relations were statistically mediated by childhood maltreatment. Roberts et al. concluded that childhood maltreatment causes adult homosexuality.”
 

And more independent data found within this link:

http://www.citizenlink.com/2010/06/17/childhood-sexual-abuse-and-male-homosexuality/

Amnesty ‘Loophole’ May Allow Illegals to Vote

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnSecretaries of state from Ohio and Kansas say that the documents—driver’s licenses and Social Security numbers—being provided to the illegal immigrants granted amnesty by President Obama open a “loophole” that will make it easy for these non-citizens to vote in our elections.

Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest questioned the characterization of potential voting by these persons as a “loophole. I would say it would be more accurately described as a ‘feature’ of the President’s executive action regarding the ‘dreamers’ he is trying to aid.”

Earnest also took issue with the premise that the “dreamers” being granted these privileges are “non-citizens. The President’s intent is to bring these people out of the shadows and into the light by normalizing their status. An important part of the normalization process is having the right to exercise all the privileges extended to other Americans—including voting.”

Excluding these folks from voting would shut them out from enjoying the very basic human right of participating in the selection of those who rule them,” Earnest declared. “That would be tyranny. This country is indeed fortunate that a person able to break free of the prejudices and out-dated constraints that have hampered previous presidents has taken the bold step of decreeing a new reality.”

The Press Secretary expressed the hope that “these secretaries of state won’t take the same futile obstructionist road that the Alabama Supreme Court attempted to take on gay marriage. Voluntary cooperation in the issuance of key state documents like driver’s licenses and voter registration is preferred, but the President will not hesitate to enforce compliance if that cooperation is resisted or delayed.”

In related news, the Obama Administration has ordered U.S. Border Patrol agents to release illegals driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The directive signed by outgoing Attorney General Eric Holder warned agents “not to impose American standards of sobriety on persons raised in a different culture. Yankee imperialism must not spread its tentacles into places where it doesn’t belong.”

UN Official: Capitalism Must Be Destroyed for Sake of Planet

In remarks to an inner cadre of the U.N.’s Framework Convention on Climate Change, Executive Secretary Christiana Figueres, maintained that “economic progress since the Industrial Revolution has gone too far. The Earth is in danger of being overrun by unconstrained prosperity.”

Capitalists like to contend that the increased life expectancies and material well-being of billions of people is some sort of proof that the system is a good thing,” Figueres said. “But they are wrong. Billions more humans living longer lives in greater luxury is a problem, not a benefit.”

There is no objective evidence proving that people living longer is better in a collective sense for all the biota of the planet,” Figueres continued. “What about all of the other animals and plants whose lives may have been made worse off by the success of this one species?”

Nether is there any objective proof that the freedom and opportunity the market system imposes on people is a source of happiness,” Figueres argued. “Freedom and opportunity force people to make choices. If these choices don’t turn out well, people may experience guilt or regret. Failures would then be largely an individual’s own fault. If we transition to a system where the important decisions are made for people by ruling authorities we will relieve them of their feelings of guilt and regret. Their suffering wouldn’t be their own fault.”

Figueres hailed the anti-global warming movement as “an ingenious innovation in social thought. World leaders and the media have done a masterful job of elevating normal climate fluctuations into a crisis justifying stern government measures to rein-in the excesses of human achievement. This will make the necessary culling of the human herd in order to save the planet an attainable goal within the next decade or two.”

Walker’s Lack of College Degree Called “Disqualifying”

Unsuccessful presidential candidate and former Governor Howard Dean (D-Vt) assailed Wisconsin’s Republican Governor Scott Walker’s lack of a college degree as “disqualifying. Given the complex world we live in, America needs to be led by only the most highly educated men and women. The fate of the nation can’t be entrusted to a guy who couldn’t hack it and dropped out.”

Look, college in the 1980s, when Walker was a student, wasn’t that hard,” Dean argued. “Even the minimally competent could get a degree. A person would’ve had to be incredibly dumb or unmotivated not to have been able to finish. Why should voters want such a guy?”

As “proof of his dumbness,” Dean cited Walker’s unwillingness to comment on evolution. “Do we really want a president who dodges such an important issue?” Dean asked. Dean characterized Walker’s stance that the topic of evolution was not within the bounds of the legitimate authority of any government position, as “a smoke screen. The nation’s president is a moral as well as a political leader. The people have a right to know whether he accepts the common core of beliefs agreed upon by our best and brightest minds.”

Friends say Dean’s rancor toward Walker shows he is still bitter about 2004, “when the best educated person to ever seek the presidency was edged out of the Democratic nomination by a pompous ass who then turned around and lost to an ignorant Texas yokel—a sequence of events that forever shamed America.”

In related news, veteran Democratic strategist Pat Caddell castigated his Party as “dictator to the common man. They must be using Orwell’s Big Brother as their role model.”

Islamic State Files Slander Suit against Obama, Kerry

Incensed that the President Barack Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry have damaged their reputation by falsely claiming that Islam is a religion of peace, attorneys for the Islamic State have filed a defamation of character suit in the District of Columbia Federal Court.

The unrelenting attempt to portray our righteous slaughter of unbelievers and apostates as contrary to the will of Allah and the tenets of Islam is a slander of the worst kind,” insisted attorney Muhammad Baddman. “Islam is the religion of the sword. The Quran commands the faithful to make war on all who resist the Prophet’s message. We are the true adherents of his message, not the kafirs occupying the Obama Administration.”

One of the biggest lies propagated by Kerry and Obama regards the linguistic root for the word Islam,” Baddman asserted. “They claim it comes from the word salām (peace), when in actuality it comes from words meaning submission. We follow the sharia. We pray five times daily as prescribed. We strike the necks of the infidels and unbelievers. Our right to define Islam is fully supported by our obedience to scripture.”

The suit asks that the Court order Kerry and Obama to “cease and desist their campaign to misrepresent Islam and to award monetary damages in an amount sufficient to compensate the Islamic State for expenses incurred in its efforts to correct the misrepresentation—including, but not limited to the costs of acquiring, housing, and executing hostages, as well as the costs of both subjugating unbelievers and fending off interference from US Armed Forces.”

In related news, Former Clinton Administration Secretary of State Madeleine Albright denounced Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s planned speech to Congress next month as “the worse invasion of US sovereignty since the British burned the White House in 1814.” Albright expressed her approval of President Obama’s efforts to deal with the threat by sending help to Netanyahu’s political opponents. “It’s a peaceful and restrained response. The President could’ve just sent a drone to take him out. That he didn’t is further validation of the Nobel Peace Prize he won in 2009.”

FEC Mulling Plan to Limit Political Blogging

Concerned that “the low cost of Internet communications could adversely impact candidates who communicate by legitimate regulated paid media,” the Federal Elections Commission is considering regulations that would place a cap on blogs and tweets that conforms with campaign finance rules.

Under the proposed scheme, the FEC would estimate the monetary value of every political comment made on these media. Once the accumulated value of comments reached the ceiling for contributions to a candidate or ballot measure, the blogger or tweeter would be ordered to stop making any additional comments prior to election day. Failure to do so would subject the offender to triple damages.

FEC Chairwoman Ann Ravel characterized the move as “one of simple fairness. The hard work of candidates like Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush raising money for media buys shouldn’t be diluted by the cheap shots taken by unregulated bloggers and tweeters. We can’t let our election process devolve into some sort of free-for-all where anyone can say whatever he wants without limitation. It just wouldn’t be right.”

In related news, the United States dropped to 49th in the annual World Press Freedom Ranking just published by Reporters Without Borders. This is lower than countries like Malta, Niger, Burkino Faso, El Salvador, Tonga, Chile and Botswana, none of which are covered by the First Amendment to the US Constitution. Press Secretary Josh Earnest sought to downplay the news by reminding that “at least we’re still in the top 50.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Mom + Dad = Marriage

California’s Embryonic Stem Cell Research a Complete Failure

Investors Business Daily reports what we all knew 10 years ago when Californians foolishly passed an amendment for unproven, unreliable destructive embryonic stem cell research, which treats human life like a mere commodity …

A Casualty of Love: the daughter of two moms speaks out

A single Arizona judge has taken the audacious step of overthrowing Arizona’s constitutional marriagement amendment defining marriage as one man and one woman. He mistakenly and purposefully is denying children of what they need most: a mom and a dad. Read this account of what this judge, and many other judical activists around the nation, are doing by writing new, unwanted laws, from the bench.

By Meg

I was raised by my biological mother and her same-sex partner. I have only a few fuzzy memories of my father: a phone call here and there, his deep and unfamiliar voice wishing me a happy birthday, and a dim picture of the way the furniture had been arranged in his house. I have less than a handful of pictures of him. My mom and dad were married for a short time but she left him when I was too young to remember. She always knew she was gay and she wanted a chance to be happy with someone she really loved—with a woman.

I was raised in an area that was pretty liberal, open, and accepting of gays and lesbians. I know my mother experienced a lot of pain at the hands of others because of her sexuality, but as a child of same-sex parents, I was never mistreated because of it. I had two loving mothers who cared for my every need and with whom I have many wonderful and sweet memories. There was one need, however, that they could never meet no matter how much they loved me: the need for a father.

I love my mom deeply, fiercely, and unconditionally. She is an incredible woman, but I cannot pretend that her decision to leave my father and raise me with another woman did not have long-term and devastating consequences for me. I am a casualty of same-sex parenting. You see, I also love my absent father. I love a man whom I don’t even know. A man who, by all accounts, is a lousy father. I don’t know why I love him, I just do. When you are separated from a parent, for whatever reason, a wound is inflicted upon you. I ached for my father to love me. I ached for the father I knew I would never have. Losing my father was a tragedy in my life and it is a loss that I feel deeply every day. It’s a loss that can be ignored or numbed, for a short time, but never forgotten. Growing up without my dad colored everything about me. I had abandonment issues. I expected and feared that everyone close to me would leave me. Even as an adult I still grieve for what was taken from me. It wasn’t until my husband and I had children and I watched him with our kids that the full weight of what I’d lost with my own father hit me. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Many people believe that so long as a child has two parents, gender doesn’t matter. But it does. I shouldn’t love my dad, but I do. I should love my “other mom,” but I don’t. I can’t change that, though I’ve definitely tried.

My relationship with my “other mom” was awkward. She helped raise me through my most formative years and I cannot recall life without her. I have many fond memories with her, but what I mostly remember is how awkward and uncomfortable our relationship felt. I had a mom, a dad whom I ached for, and then I had her. I hated the times she would try to parent me by offering me comfort or discipline. I accepted her only as my mom’s partner, not as a parent. Later, when she and my mom split up I felt relieved. I felt sad for my mom but I didn’t miss my “other mom” despite the fact that she raised me as her own daughter.

As a child growing up within the gay community, I was exposed to a lot of inappropriate things very early on. From the adult toys and pornographic magnets in the local gay and lesbian bookstore, to the men who parade around in S&M costumes at gay pride festivals. My interaction with and exposure to these parts of the larger gay culture and my missing father created the perfect storm that led to my early sexualization. As I got older, I used attention from boys to try to fill the wound my missing father left. I found myself in two abusive relationships in college because I was looking for the love and approval of a man but I had no idea how a good man should treat me. I accepted almost anyone who would “love” me.

Do I wish my mom lived a miserable life married to a man she didn’t love? No. I want my mom to be happy. But I also wish that she and my dad did love each other and that somehow it could have worked out. Her happiness cost me a great deal. We have to recognize that all children of same-sex parents are being raised in brokenness. Something precious and irreplaceable has been taken from us. Two loving moms, or two dads, can never replace the lost parent. In my case, and in many like mine, I was raised by same-sex parents because I was intentionally separated from my other biological parent and then told that “all that matters is love” and “love makes a family”. Love matters, but accepting and promoting same-sex parenting promotes the destruction of families, not the building of families.

Congressman Says Media Not Pushing Amnesty Hard Enough

BJohn Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnRep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) castigated the media for its “lackadaisical support of the President’s innovative solution to this chronic problem.”

As Gutierrez sees it, “the vilification of amnesty opponents and the glorification of illegal immigrants the media have been doing is too mild. They still go through the motions of pretending that there is another side to this issue rather than accepting that the President has laid down a new law.”

The Congressman warned that “President Obama may have to institute strict controls over what is reported if the media doesn’t fall in line. Their job is to help the President achieve the transformation of America. They do not have the option of sitting on the fence or only giving limp lip service to his agenda.”

Getting these immigrants documented, funded, and voting are crucial if we are to permanently reshape the way this country thinks and operates,” Gutierrez said. “Falling short because of a misplaced affection for an illusory even-handedness would be a tragedy. If necessary, the President should not balk at taking harsh measures to ensure the triumph of his vision.”

IRS Needs 9,000 More Employees to Enforce Obamacare Tax

President Obama’s $4 trillion budget proposal calls for a $2 billion boost in IRS spending in order to hire 9,000 new employees. The task of these new employees will be to track down persons who have failed to enroll in a health insurance plan and extract monetary penalties from them.

The era of individual choice in healthcare is drawing to a close,” IRS Commissioner John Koskinen declared. “The law requires everyone to purchase a federally approved health insurance policy. Those who think that they know what’s best for themselves are free to do what they want, but they still have to purchase insurance or pay the government if they neglect to do so.”

The fact that we have to resort to coercion is regrettable,” Koskinen lamented. “Ideally, everyone should have gotten into step with what’s good for the collective whole of society. Sadly, out-dated philosophies preaching individualism have encouraged some to resist what the government has prescribed for them. We hope that by hammering them with progressively larger financial punishments year-by-year they will be brought to heel.”

For this coercion to be most effective it must be adequately staffed and funded,” the Commissioner demanded. “There are an estimated six million Americans we must crack down on. Two billion is the absolute minimum needed if we are to successfully carry out the mission the President has assigned to us.”

Koskinen admitted that this year’s higher penalties combined with the need to reconcile heath care subsidies received under Obamacare “will be difficult and confusing to a lot of taxpayers, both insured and uninsured. Luckily, there are major tax-preparation firms ready to assist. The fees these firms will earn will boost the economy, as well as provide compensation to the owners of these firms’ for their support of the Affordable Care Act.”

In related news, the IRS has launched an outreach program to assist illegal immigrants granted amnesty by President Obama to receive tax refunds. “These people have undertaken lengthy, arduous, and dangerous journeys to reach this country,” Koskinen said. “It’s only fair that we find some way to compensate them for the time, trouble, and risks they have endured to get here.”

President Urges More Understanding for Islamic State Atrocities

With videos of beheadings, stonings, and incineration of helpless victims by the Islamic State flooding the media, President Obama took the occasion of his address to the National Prayer Breakfast this week as an opportunity to try to dampen the anger of partisans of civilized behavior.

Let’s not forget that 800 years ago Christians committed horrendous crimes against peaceful Muslims during the so-called Crusades,” Obama reminded. “Whole populations were massacred—men, women, and children—all in the name of Christ. Five hundred years ago, the Inquisition sent thousands of heretics and apostates to be burned at the stake. From a historical perspective, we can see that the followers of the cross are not blameless when it comes to cruelty and inhumanity. Rather than be so quick to point the finger of blame at Islam, perhaps we should credit them for their patience in waiting so long to try to even the score.”

The President rejected contentions that the Crusades might have been seen as a legitimate response to prior Muslim aggression against, and oppression of, Christians. “If people keep trying to reverse previous conquests there’ll be no end to bloodshed,” Obama warned. “At some point someone must put an end to the tit-for-tat. It seems to me that Christians have the best chance of doing that. It was Jesus who bade his followers to turn the other cheek. It was Mohammed who bade his followers to fight for Islam. Christians can give up the fight and still be true to their faith. Muslims do not have this option. What I am urging here today is that there is a way out of the conflict if both religions simply hew to the tenets of their faiths. If Christians would simply submit and pay the jizya there could be peace and an end to the bloodshed.”

NBC Anchor Admits to Lying about Iraq War Experience

NBC’S Brian Williams finally admitted that after 12 years of bragging about how he faced death while reporting on the Iraq War in 2003 that he had lied. Real soldiers flying in the helicopter transporting Williams to the war zone unanimously attested that, contrary to Williams’ heroic story, the aircraft was not hit and landed safely.

Williams characterized his lie as “a mistake made in good faith. It was my way of bonding with the men and women who risked their lives in the battle against Saddam Hussein. It was also an attempt to make the war seem more real to my TV audience. If someone as important as a major network figure like me could come so close to dying for the sake of reporting the news, well, wouldn’t that make the news more credible?”

The unveiling of this long-running falsehood has had mixed results among media luminaries. Former CBS anchor Dan Rather counseled that “we ought not to be too hard on Brian. His story might have been fake, but was it really so inaccurate? Thousands of helicopter sorties came under fire in Iraq. Couldn’t his fib have served the more important purpose of showing how Bush’s war could’ve cost the life of an eminent journalist?”

Williams’ contention that what he said “was no worse than President Obama’s promise that those who liked their health plans could keep them under the Affordable Care Act. He misled tens of millions of voters and was rewarded with reelection. All I did was puff up my resume a little bit in front of the camera.”

Former NBC anchor Tom Brokaw dismissed Williams’ analogy to what President Obama did as “unworthy of our profession. We can’t use the chronic dishonesty of politicians as our standard for what is allowed to come out of our mouths when we’re on the air.”

Former Pro-Life Democrat Evolves

Rep. Tim Ryan (D-Ohio) announced he was switching sides in the pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. The former pro-life Democrat claimed he had an epiphany persuading him that abortion is a woman’s right and that no government had the authority to intervene for any reason.

It is the Congressman’s position that it is not for anyone else to judge whether or when an abortion should or shouldn’t be permitted,” Ryan’s chief of staff Ron Grimes maintained. “And yes, this means up until the moment of birth and for whatever reason the woman finds meaningful, including the sex of the fetus.”

Grimes rebuffed an abortion survivor’s argument against the Congressman’s new position as “irrelevant. Her existence is a fluke. She shouldn’t even be here haranguing the Congressman for exercising his judgment on this human rights issue. The Congressman finds this sort of emotional appeal outrageous and offensive. He has no time to listen to it.”

AG Nominee Calls Civil Forfeiture “Wonderful Tool”

President Obama’s nominee for Attorney General Loretta Lynch followed up her stunning defense a president’s “right to summarily execute enemies of the state” with fulsome praise for government’s controversial practice of seizing the property and money of people before they are found guilty of a crime, calling it “a wonderful tool.”

It is difficult to prove someone guilty of a crime under our laws,” Lynch pointed out. “The evidence required is substantial. The ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ standard is daunting. Under Civil Forfeiture, though, there is more leeway. Under this statute, the property or money is accused of illegal actions. Since property and money have no civil rights the government’s chances of success are higher. The burden of proof is on the person trying to reclaim the assets. He must prove to the court’s satisfaction that no crime was committed.”

The fact that the majority of cash circulating in America has traces of cocaine on it makes proving that this money was not obtained illegally nearly impossible,” Lynch bragged. “The best thing about Civil Forfeiture is that it gives government access to sorely needed resources without having to get an appropriation through the legislature. This increases the amount of funds available for socially beneficial uses by transferring them out of the hands of selfish individuals and into the hands of those dedicated to the collective welfare of all. It’s a win-win situation all around.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

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