By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
“Republicans who are counting on the President’s unpopularity to spark a vote against Congressional Democrats are in for a rude awakening,” Beckel predicted. “On Sunday, November 2nd President Obama will go on national TV and announce his resignation. Relieved of this albatross, embattled Democrats should be able to cruise to the finish line on top on November 4th.”
“Then on the third day, November 5th, President Obama will rise like Jesus did, and resume his role as the country’s leader,” Beckel bragged. “The genius of the plan is that just saying you resign on TV is not an official act under our laws. It is analogous to a political promise—it has no weight and can be broken at the discretion of the promise-maker. Meanwhile, the objective of the phony resignation will have been accomplished: the Democrats retain control of the Senate and take back the majority in the House.”
Beckel conceded that a November announcement wasn’t strictly an October surprise, but argued that “it fits the spirit of the concept while employing Obama’s uniquely persuasive political talents. Remember, he got into office in 2008 by promising hope and change. Even though the changes he’s introduced have not brought hope to the majority of Americans, voters still reelected him in 2012. This ploy will enable him to turn the tables on the GOP and add dozens of Republican Congressional scalps to his belt.”
A different take on the Democrats’ election chances was offered by First Lady Michelle Obama who ventured that “once voters reflect on the real achievements Barack has made and yet may make they’ll give him the Democratic Congressional majorities he needs to finish the job.”
Among the achievements listed by Michelle were “allowing millions to permanently leave the work-a-day rat race of full time employment and enjoy more leisure time without having to worry where their next meal is coming from. More Americans than ever before are getting free food, free housing, free cell phones…you name it. And plans are underway to ensure that those who need it will get free cars. Voters can punch their tickets to this paradise by filling Congress with as many Democrats as they can.”
Student Punished for Sharing His Lunch
Weaverville Elementary School eighth grader Kyle Bradford was sent to detention for sharing his burrito with another student.
Tom Barnett, the Superintendent of the Trinity Alps Unified School District explained that “there is a district wide policy that prohibits students from exchanging the meals that the school provides. In this particular instance Mr. Bradford’s apparent act of kindness was undermining the school’s food allocation decisions.”
The student Bradford gave half of his burrito to had been “allocated” a cheese sandwich that was not to his liking. Bradford was unimpressed by the school’s rationale and undeterred regarding potential future food sharing. “If a friend wants a portion of my meal I would definitely share with him,” he said.
Barnett characterized Bradford’s stance as “an invitation to anarchy. A 13 year old is not qualified to decide who should eat what. That decision is reserved to school nutrition experts. We will not hesitate to use progressively severe sanctions if that is what it takes to attain the compliance we require. If detentions don’t get the message across there is always suspension or expulsion. Students must learn that obedience is not optional.”
In related news, Ramay Junior High School in Fayetteville, Arkansas ordered 13-year-old Chloe Rubiano to remove her “virginity rocks” t-shirt. Principal Matt Saferite, winner of Arkansas’ Principal of the Year for Secondary Schools last year, explained that “the message on the shirt is an implied criticism of students who were unable to attain that goal. It’s a sort of reverse scarlet letter that can harm some students’ self esteem.”
Female Democrat Heavyweights Assert “Congress Is out of Touch on Women’s Issues”
A roundtable discussion at the Center for American Progress agreed that “Congress is out of touch on women’s issues.” Contributors to this conclusion included former Secretary of State and aspiring Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton, Democratic Sens. Kirsten Gillibrand (NY) and Patty Murray (Wash), House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Calif), and Rep. Rosa DeLauro (Conn).
“Women bear nearly 100% of the physical burden of procreation, yet do not exercise 100% of the power to determine how these children shall be raised and cared for,” Clinton observed. “Women who are married have to share authority with their children’s fathers. This cultivates feelings of dependency that eat away at women’s self esteem.”
Sen. Murray pointed out that “while all children have equal needs, not all have access to equal resources. The children of fathers with good jobs can enjoy a more enriched life experience. Children whose fathers are absent, unemployed, or in jail are deprived of their rightful share of life’s bounties.”
Rep. Pelosi suggested that “a just society would even out the discrepancies. Ideally, all earnings from all fathers would be put into a common pool and be doled out based on children’s needs. Children wouldn’t be penalized because their fathers were inadequate providers. The more productive fathers’ outputs would be shared more broadly rather than be used to spoil their own offspring.”
Sen. Gillibrand warned that “we mustn’t get hung up on the idea that every woman wants to be a mother. If Congress really respected women it would fully guarantee that every one of them can obtain an abortion at her own discretion. Our only hope of bringing this fundamental principle of justice to America is to support Democrats at every level of government. We must end the obstructionism and patriarchy embodied in the Republican Party.”
Attorney General Calls for More Racial Balance in People Police Shoot
Referencing the events in Ferguson, Missouri, US Attorney General Eric Holder called for more racial balance in the people police shoot.
“What we had in Ferguson was a white officer shooting a Black teenager,” Holder recounted. “When we look at over all statistics, white officers shooting African-Americans is disproportional to their representation in the population. This establishes a prima facie case that racism is playing a role in the use of deadly force.”
“We need to ask some hard questions,” Holder contended. “Why isn’t there a more proportionately balanced representation of America’s population when it comes to police shootings? Why are African-Americans so frequently victimized by law enforcement? What can we do to restore a more equitable distribution of the carnage?”
The Attorney General asserted that “clearly, white officers need to undergo some form of attitude adjustment. Sensitivity training may be part of that. But I doubt that will be enough. It may be time for an affirmative action program aimed at achieving a balance that has thus far eluded us. Every police department needs to keep detailed records of the racial composition of those their officers shoot. When these records show a racial imbalance steps must be taken to rectify that.”
Not everyone was pleased with Holder’s approach. Racial justice expert Al Sharpton blamed “unduly restrictive laws. There are too many things that are illegal in this country. Take the case of Michael Brown in Ferguson. This young man’s personal efforts to collect reparations for 400 years of repression shouldn’t have resulted in him getting shot. Taking a few cigars and resisting Officer Wilson—the armed enforcer of racial subjugation for the benefit of white America—were righteous acts of rebellion. The law needs to be modified to recognize this.”
In related news, Holder issued a decree prohibiting states from adopting zoning laws that might have the effect of blocking the establishment of Mosques or Islamic culture centers in areas where they are needed. “Islam commands its adherents to spread the religion in any way that they can,” Holder said. “They need to be able to set up shop near the populations they are targeting for their proselytizing mission.”
IRS Commissioner Taunts Congress
Internal Revenue Service (IRS) commissioner John Koskinen made light of Congressional efforts to probe his agency for evidence of wrongdoing.
At a House Oversight and Government Reform subcommittee hearing Koskinen mocked committee members, saying that “hard drive crashes continue as we speak. We can erase files and destroy incriminating evidence faster than you can imagine where to look.”
Charges that IRS employees broke the law and broke file retention protocols elicited only a chuckle from the Commissioner. “Congress is not my boss,” Koskinen pointed out. “I answer to the President. Last I heard, he thinks we’re doing fine.”
Koskinen belittled any actions that might be taken against him or his agency as “the impotent frothing of an irrelevant artifact of a form of government that no longer exists in this country. If Congress censures me, so what? Should a court find me guilty the President will pardon me. Why should I worry?”
In related news, CIA Director John Brennan refused to tell lawmakers who authorized the illegal surveillance of Senate Intelligence Committee computers. “Members of Congress do not have the appropriate security clearance to be privy to that information,” Brennan claimed. “I have spent my career protecting secrets. I’m not about to turn them over to the kind of blathering loudmouths who run Congress.”
Americans Fighting for ISIS Shouldn’t Lose Passports, Congressional Candidate Says
The suggestion that Americans leaving the country to join ISIS ought to forfeit their passports was rejected by Iowa Democratic Congressional candidate Staci Appel during her televised debate with her GOP opponent David Young.
“The right to travel is fundamental to what it means to be an American,” Appel maintained. “A person shouldn’t have to worry that someone else will judge the reasons for his travel as illegitimate. What if the American tries to join ISIS but is rejected for some reason? Shouldn’t he still have a home country to return to? What if he fights for ISIS for a while and needs to come back for some R&R or to visit with family? What if he tires of slaying unbelievers and wants to leave ISIS? Do we really want to bar the door to his return?”
Young added his own questions to Appel’s litany. “What if ISIS sends this American back to the United States on a mission of mayhem? Might not guarding against this possibility be a good reason to throw up a roadblock against it by revoking the passports of those known to have left the US in order to join ISIS?”
Candidate Says Illegal Immigrants Have Earned Right to Receive Welfare
Democratic gubernatorial candidate Rep. Mike Michaud (Maine) says he is opposed to the idea of curtailing the eligibility for welfare payments to illegal immigrants.
“These people have undertaken a long, arduous, and often dangerous journey to get here,” Michaud said. “That took courage and determination. Welfare payments are a meager reward for enduring these treks. It would be niggardly of us to deny them after they’ve crossed the finish line.”
Under Maine law, illegal immigrants are not eligible for state funded welfare payments. Nonetheless, several cities have defied the law and paid out public funds to them. Portland disburses over $200,000 per month to ineligible illegal immigrants—a practice that Michaud promises will become legal once he is elected governor.
State Senator Eloise Vitelli (D-Augusta) said she supports Michaud’s position on the issue. “If we cut them off from benefits it’s like we’re telling them they wasted their time coming here,” Vitelli contended. “That seems a cold and unwelcoming attitude to me.”
Retiring Senator Endorses Hillary for President
Retiring Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) gave a ringing endorsement to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s presidential ambitions.
“Most people think that she is a moderate, kind of middle-of-the-road type of politician,” Harkin said. “This is way off the mark. She is much farther to the left and a lot more progressive in her thoughts and her inclination than most people may think. That’s why she has my unconditional support should she choose to run for president in 2016.”
A Satirical Look at Recent News
John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.
Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.
All four of the following judges were appointed by former Governor Janet Napolitano, a hard-Left ideologue. Anyone appointed by a radical leftist is much more apt to consider Constitutions as “living documents” and far less likely to rule from a point of originalism. Therefore, we recommend NO votes against the following judges and justices in the November election.
Scott Bales, Justice of the Arizona Supreme Court
Diane Johnsen, Judge Of The Court Of Appeals, Division I (Maricopa County)
Patricia Orozco, Judge Of The Court Of Appeals, Division I (Apache, Coconino, La Paz, Mohave, Navajo, Yavapai, Yuma counties)
Garye Vasquez, Judge Of The Court Of Appeals, Division II (Cochise, Gila, Graham, Greenlee, Pinal, Santa Cruz counties)
Cathi Herrod, president of the Center for Arizona Policy, reports on what we knew was going to another of President Barack Obama’s lies — taxpayer-funded abortions …
In September 2009 as Congress was debating whether to pass the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), President Barack Obama made these promises to the American people:
“Under our plan, no federal dollars will be used to fund abortions, and federal conscience laws will remain in place.”
Less than a year later in March 2010, President Obama purported to follow his promise concerning abortion funding with Executive Order 13535, where he ordered that Obamacare would be carried out consistent with the longstanding policy of the Hyde Amendment.
The Hyde Amendment, consistently passed by Congress since the 1970s, prohibits federal taxpayer funds for abortions except in cases of rape, incest, or to save the life of the mother.
You may remember that it was these promises to ensure federal taxpayer dollars would not pay for elective abortions that secured the final votes needed to pass Obamacare.
Since its passage, we have learned that the government could not force businesses to pay for abortion causing drugs – see Burwell v. Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood Specialties v. Burwell. It took a U.S. Supreme Court decision to secure that basic right.
And in spite of the many assurances to the contrary, we now have definitive proof that President Obama broke his promise on taxpayer funding of abortion as well.
On Tuesday, the nonpartisan Government Accountability Office (GAO) issued a report that proves Obamacare subsidizes abortion on demand with taxpayer funds.
GAO found that 1,036 Obamacare plans include elective abortion coverage, with millions of Americans on those plans receiving taxpayer-funded subsidies. Moreover, the report goes on to reveal that most of those plans fail to itemize out an additional premium to account for the abortion coverage as required by Obamacare.
Finally, the 22-page report noted the sheer difficulty in finding out which plans do and which plans do not include coverage for elective abortion. Consumers can’t find out if a plan covers elective abortion until after purchasing the plan.
Impact on Arizona
Since the passage of Obamacare in 2010, Arizona has been at the forefront of working to protect taxpayers from subsidizing the abortion industry.
Arizona was the first state in the nation to pass a law opting the state out of abortion coverage on a state health exchange as part of Obamacare.
However, because Arizona chose to allow the federal government to run the exchange in this state, this restriction is inoperable.
The GAO report reveals that 41 out of 199 plans being offered in Arizona cover elective abortion. With over 91,000 Arizonans receiving taxpayer-funded subsidies, this is deeply troubling and an outrageous affront to all who oppose taxpayer funding of elective abortions.
At this time our team continues to work to know exactly what is happening with the Obamacare plans in Arizona. And in spite of the many transparency issues presented with Obamacare and yet another broken promise by President Obama, I assure you that we will continue working to uncover the truth and do all we can to stop our tax dollars from being used to subsidize abortions.
By Matthew Boyle, Breitbart
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and his aides swear the Syrian “rebels” he was pictured last year with weren’t ISIS members or supporters, and the mainstream media is by and large buying the 2008 GOP presidential nominee’s story.
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) has endured brutal criticism—media fact checkers, reporters, and political figures have shredded him—for questioning just who McCain posed with.
But a closer look at the situation tells perhaps a different story than McCain’s office or the mainstream media have pushed.
The criticism of McCain centers around how the Arizona senator met with Syrian rebel leaders in May 2013 when he visited the country. McCain posed for photographs with those people, and since then rumors have sprouted up across the Internet that he met with ISIS or some other terrorist kidnappers or nefarious forces.
“The people in the pictures with Senator McCain in Syria included General Salim Idris, then-Chief of Staff of the Supreme Military Command of the Free Syrian Army (FSA), Mouaz Moustafa, the Executive Director of the DC-based Syrian Emergency Task Force (which supports the moderate opposition and helped arrange some of the trip), and fighters and commanders from the Northern Storm Brigade, a FSA-aligned group,” McCain’s spokesman Brian Rogers told Breitbart News.
Rogers said that the senator and his team aren’t naming the “fighters and commanders from the Northern Storm Brigade, a FSA-aligned group,” because “ISIS actually threatened to kill them all, and we don’t want to put their lives at risk.” Rogers provided Breitbart News with a link to the ISIS threat to those fighters.
“ISIS targeted the Northern Storm because ISIS considers them apostates and because Northern Storm met with Sen. McCain,” Rogers said. “ISIS actually wrote out a statement that accused Northern Storm of treachery for reasons including: ‘Meeting with U.S. Senator John McCain in the hangar and making a contract with him against the Islamists.’ The statement goes on to demand that Northern Storm surrender and repent to ISIS or be killed.”
“ISIS actually killed many Northern Storm members, and we’re not going to put them at any further risk by naming them,” Rogers added.
But there’s just one problem with McCain’s office’s story. Now, McCain’s team says the senator didn’t meet with any bad figures but declines to name them, for what seems to be a legitimate reason—although those who are publicly leading combat against ISIS and against Bashar Al-Assad’s regime are probably publicly known figures there.
Just last year, however, McCain’s office had no clue who the senator met. When allegations surfaced that the senator may have met with terrorists who kidnapped someone, Rogers—McCain’s communications director—went on the record to multiple media outlets to say he didn’t know who he was meeting with, and if he did meet with kidnapper terrorists, that would be regrettable.
“None of the individuals the senator planned to meet with was named Mohamad Nour or Abu Ibrahim,” Rogers told CNN in late May 2013, right after the trip. “A number of other Syrian commanders joined the meeting, but none of them identified himself as Mohamad Nour or Abu Ibrahim.”
Rogers added later in his statement to CNN that he and the senator did not know who he was meeting with.
“A number of the Syrians who greeted Senator McCain upon his arrival in Syria asked to take pictures with him, and, as always, the senator complied,” Rogers said. “If the individual photographed with Senator McCain is in fact Mohamed Nour, that is regrettable. But it would be ludicrous to suggest that the Senator in any way condones the kidnapping of Lebanese Shia pilgrims or has any communication with those responsible. Senator McCain condemns such heinous actions in the strongest possible terms.”
Of course it’s ludicrous to suggest that McCain would condone the act of kidnapping, and nobody serious is suggesting that. The point many critics of McCain’s policies—including Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)—are making is that Americans have no way of knowing which team any one of these figures is on.
“Here’s the problem,” Paul said in an interview with The Daily Beast this week. “He [McCain] did meet with ISIS, and had his picture taken, and didn’t know it was happening at the time. That really shows you the quandary of determining who are the moderates and who aren’t. If you don’t speak Arabic, and you don’t understand that some people will lie to you—I really think that we don’t have a good handle on who are the moderates and who aren’t, and I think the objective evidence is that the ones doing most of the fighting and most of the battles among the rebels in Syria are the radical Islamists.”
Paul has been roundly criticized for the remarks, starting with the publication he made them to. The Daily Beast’s Olivia Nuzzi wrote that Paul’s statement means he “repeated a thoroughly debunked rumor.” The Washington Post’s fact-checker Glenn Kessler gave Paul “Four Pinocchios,” its highest rating of dishonesty, for the statement. Kessler wrote that this story is one where he regrets “we are limited to just Four Pinocchios,” because there is “zero evidence that any of the men that McCain met with in Syria are linked to the Islamic State.”
Despite this pile-on by the media and political establishment, Paul has a serious point here, though. McCain really didn’t know who he was meeting with, and even if they were the supposedly “moderate” Free Syrian Army, who’s to know that they aren’t elements of the Free Syrian Army working alongside ISIS?
Patrick Poole, an esteemed national security reporter and expert on radical Islam for PJ Media, has reported that the Free Syrian Army’s commanders have admitted in public to working alongside ISIS. “As President Obama laid out his ‘strategy’ last night for dealing with the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), and as bipartisan leadership in Congress pushes to approve as much as $4 billion to arm Syrian ‘rebels,’ it should be noted that the keystone to his anti-Assad policy — the ‘vetted moderate’ Free Syrian Army (FSA) — is now admitting that they, too, are working with the Islamic State,” Poole wrote on Sept. 10.
Poole cites the Lebanese newspaper Daily Star, which quotes a Free Syrian Army brigade commander as saying he is working with the “Islamic State and Jabhat al-Nusra, al-Qaeda’s official Syrian affiliate — both U.S.-designated terrorist organizations.”
Specifically, the quotes Poole pulls are:
“We are collaborating with the Islamic State and the Nusra Front by attacking the Syrian Army’s gatherings in… Qalamoun,” said Bassel Idriss, the commander of an FSA-aligned rebel brigade.
“We have reached a point where we have to collaborate with anyone against unfairness and injustice,” confirmed Abu Khaled, another FSA commander who lives in Arsal.
“Let’s face it: The Nusra Front is the biggest power present right now in Qalamoun and we as FSA would collaborate on any mission they launch as long as it coincides with our values,” he added.
In a lengthy floor speech on Thursday, Paul ripped the foreign policy establishment in Washington for assuming that FSA and ISIS are really distinct entities.
“According to a New York Times report, over a year ago, the CIA began training Syrian rebels in nearby Jordan, thousands of them, along with delivering arms and ammunition,” Paul said, according to a transcript of the speech provided to Breitbart News by his office. “New York Times reports also detailed the huge arms and financial transfers from Quatar to the Syrian rebels, beginning as early as 2011. No one really knows where that all ended up: Jane’s Terrorism Center noted, the transfer of Quatari arms to targeted groups has the same practical effect as shipping them to Al Nusra, a violent jihadist force. The New York Times further detailed that Sudan has provided anti-tank missiles and other arms.”
Shortly after those comments, Paul said that America can’t be sure—since supposedly “vetted moderates” are working alongside ISIS—who any of them are. He added that even if some might be loyal now, they could change their allegiances in a heartbeat—saying that some officials estimate that more than half of FSA forces have defected to ISIS.
“So the idea that these rebels haven’t been armed before is ludicrous on it’s face. It is also ludicrous to believe that we know where all of the money, arms and ammunition will end up, or who will end up benefiting from these shipments. Why? Because we don’t know for sure who the groups all are,” Paul said. “Even when we think we do, loyalties shift and groups become amorphous, with alleged moderates lining up with jihadists. And finally, moderate groups have often sold their weapons or had them seized by the jihadist elements led by ISIS.”
McCain’s office, however, fiercely defends the notion that FSA is not working alongside ISIS.
“Also, these reports of some kind of ‘truce’ between the FSA and ISIS have also been debunked,” Rogers, McCain’s spokesman, told Breitbart News—citing a piece from the Daily Beast to back up his claims. “While there have been brief cease-fires between the groups to collect bodies of those killed during fighting, as this Josh Rogin article makes clear, there’s no ‘truce’ between FSA and ISIS.”
And maybe there is no formal “truce” between FSA and ISIS, but the reports of mass defections and quotes from FSA leaders and brigade commanders on record saying they are working with ISIS makes this much more complicated than the clear cut-and-dry issue the mainstream media have made it so as to rip Paul. When McCain’s office won’t name who exactly he met with, who exactly he’s photographed with—after last year admitting in public they didn’t know who he greeted in Syria—are we supposed to just take his word for it that some of those FSA leaders aren’t now working with ISIS—or maybe have outright joined ISIS, like that other FSA commander Poole and the Daily Star quote?
Intellectual Conservative interview with former Arizona Senate President Russell Pearce …
Q. What happened that caused this media fury?
A. During The Russell Pearce Show on KKNT radio 960 The Patriot, on September 6th, I read a “rant” by a lady from Texas about the abuse of the welfare state we have become. It is a “rant” that has been around for several years. I do not agree with all of her solutions to the problem, but did understand her anger and frustration of the abuse. However, apparently I did not make it crystal clear that it was a “rant” and not my own words. For that I apologize. Anyone can go to google and type in “put me in charge of welfare” and pull up her rant.
Q. What was your intent in reading it?
A. The purpose of radio is to push debate and have meaningful conversations about what is right with America and what needs to be fixed. This was an example of the frustrations felt by many Americans and to what extent they would go to fix the problem.
Q. Explain again why you did not make it clear it was a rant?
A. Simply, I moved on too quickly. I have one hour for the radio show, and it never seems to be enough time to get through all of what needs to be discussed. I simply realized after it was too late that I had neglected to mention it as a “rant” from a lady in Texas. As I ended the show, I asked Ashley who takes the callers for me, if I had failed to mention the author of the rant. She indicated I had.
Q. Do you advocate for, or have you ever advocated for the “sterilization” for women?
A. Certainly not. I have six sisters and six brothers; my wife is one of seven children, and we have five children and 18 grandchildren. We love children and large families. It was an attempt to show the frustration of Americans who observe abuse by those on socialist programs across this nation, where hard-working Americans are overtaxed to pay for those who take advantage. Just like Ronald Reagan said, “the best solution … is a job.”
Q. Where do you stand on welfare or entitlement programs?
A. I believe that responsibility should be with family, church and community, not with government programs of redistribution of other people’s property. Welfare programs should never be a way of life.
Q. Why did you resign after this happened as 1st Vice Chair State GOP?
A. As an unapologetic conservative, I’ve stood up for the rule of law and our constitutional freedoms. I love this great Republic, and have loved serving Arizona and my service with the Republican Party. However, because of the liberal media’s attempt to take what was not my comments, and use them inappropriately against Republican candidates, I thought it best to step down and do what is right for the party. I was elected twice as 1st Vice Chair of the state GOP by overwhelming numbers. I have great support by party faithful, but because I shared comments written by someone else and failed to attribute them to the author immediately, that was a mistake. This mistake has been run with by the liberal media and the Democrats in an attempt hurt our Republican candidates. I do not want the progressive left and the liberal media to take a misstatement from my show and use it to attack our candidates. I care about the Republican Party and its conservative platform too much to let them do that. Yet I have to recognize that hosting a radio show and the nature of the debates that we have had and will continue to have are incompatible with what our party needs from its leadership team. For that reason, I submitted my resignation as a vice chairman of the Republican Party.
I want to make this perfectly clear: I will never back down from standing up for what I believe is right, and I will continue to fight for the principles that our Founding Fathers and others have committed their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor for, and in many, many cases paid the ultimate price with their lives. But I have no intention of being used as a distraction by the Democrats looking to escape responsibility for their failed policies. It is time to return the focus to where it belongs, and that is the direction that our state and country should be headed towards.
I have tried to serve my country honorably my entire life. I am a veteran with a honorable discharge from the Army National Guard. I served 23 years with Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office and as Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s chief deputy; In fact, I spent most of my career in law enforcement and as a judge. I have been shot at and missed, and shot at and hit, and in fact was critically wounded in the line of duty. I have two sons in law enforcement, and one of them also has been critically wounded in the line of duty (shot by an illegal immigrant). Enough is enough.
Q. What is your personal position on welfare?
A. Again, there is no place in the Constitution for the redistribution of wealth. I understand the challenges out there, and I know we are a good and generous people, but citizens have a constitutional right to keep their own property. At a minimum, it should not be a way of life.
Q. How are things going in your new job at the Maricopa County Treasurer’s Office helping senior citizens?
A. I am blessed to work with such a wonderful group of folks who actually care about the taxpayer and work hard to make sure their money is safe. We all understand that we as Americans are over taxed. Like Ronald Reagan said, to paraphrase, “The problem is not that Americans live to well, but government is living too well.” I actually enjoy my work and am spending considerable time helping senior citizens on limited and fixed incomes stay in their homes through a program sponsored by the Treasurer to help them pay property tax through an Elder Assistance Program, as property taxes continue to rise through overrides and special taxing districts, putting our seniors who are low income at risk of losing their homes.
Q. What do you see for the future of the Republican Party?
A. I love this party and what it stands for. The problem is the politicians who break our hearts. This is the party of the people. This is the party of traditional values and constitutional freedoms. However, we elect those that run as Ronald Reagan conservatives and then vote like Jimmy Carter liberals. If you run as a Republican, you should be required to vote like a Republican. 80 percent of our party are real patriots. For the first time I can recall, we just “censured” a sitting U.S. Senator for ignoring our party principles, and that vote was at a mandatory meeting where 90 percent of the elected state committeemen voted to censure him. We often have great disdain for our elected officials, and that is because they fail to keep their promises. That is divisive and destructive to this party. We have some of our solid conservative patriots leaving the party and looking for a more conservative party, or just going independent because of these “RINOs” if you will. We must take back our party and make our folks and America proud. I am proud to be an American and will continue to work to strengthen this party and hold elected officials accountable to our platform. If we don’t, we will destroy this party from within. I call on all constitution loving Americans to join me in keeping this party the party of Reagan and one that we can count on.
Congressman Trent Franks (AZ-08), chair of the House Judiciary Committee’s Constitution Subcommittee, released the following statement in recognition of Constitution Day:
“On this Constitution Day, our nation finds itself consumed with a discussion of how we will confront an enemy that stands in stark contrast to every principle we hold dear. May the debate serve as a reminder of why the United States Constitution has, for 226 years, endured as such a unique and shining beacon to the rest of the world.
“The very process of drafting the Constitution was spectacular evidence of the truths the document itself would come to enshrine. Far from being a monolithic, single-minded entity – the Founding Fathers nonetheless managing to find common ground in the name of this unprecedented experiment in human liberty. James Madison would later remark, ‘The real wonder is that so many difficulties should have been surmounted, and surmounted with a unanimity almost as unprecedented as it must have been unexpected. It is impossible for any man of candor to reflect on this circumstance without partaking of the astonishment. It is impossible for the man of pious reflection not to perceive in it a finger of that Almighty hand which has been so frequently and signally extended to our relief in the critical stages of the revolution.’
“Based on the fundamental recognition that rights came not from the hand of some transient tyrant, but from the hand of God, the Constitution shook the foundations of human history and continues to do so today. Today, may those of us who have ‘solemnly sworn to support and defend the Constitution’ reflect on what a high and weighty calling that truly is. For ‘miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again.’”
In a desperate attempt to whitewash her Washington record, Krysten Sinema began airing an ad today that tried to gloss over her failings in Washington. In her ad, Sinema said Congress should not get paid if it doesn’t do its job . . . something that found immediate support from candidate Wendy Rogers.
“I agree, I look forward to Kyrsten Sinema returning her salary to taxpayers for the past two years,” said Wendy Rogers. “Given that she has not voted for a single budget or offered a solution of her own – it’s pretty clear she’s not doing her job. She should live up to her promise to return her pay.”
Sinema voted against the House Budget H. Con. Res. 96 on April 10th, 2014. She also voted against the Democratic Budget Alternative on the same day. A check of House sponsored bills also shows that she has never offered a budget of her own. Sinema also voted against a balanced budget that would have prevented Members of Congress from using taxpayer dollars to fly first class (Roll Call #88; 3/20/2013).
“The only budget matter she seems to have an opinion on is keeping her First-Class-only ticket on flights to Washington,” said Rogers. “I’m interested in getting our budget back in balance and returning our country to a solid footing. As a small business owner, I understand how to make budgets balance.”
Sinema’s ad also tried to gloss over the fact that she has supported Nancy Pelosi on 82% of recorded votes since going to Washington. (Washington Post, U.S. Congress Votes Database)
“Its time for real leadership that will put Arizona first,” said Rogers. “Pelosi and Obama have enough cheerleaders; we need someone who will work to solve problems.”
By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto castigated Texas Governor Rick Perry’s deployment of National Guard troops on the U.S.-Mexican border as “unneighborly. He’s like that Clint Eastwood character in Gran Torino telling my people to get off his lawn.”
“For decades my people have become accustomed to the ability to pass freely between our two countries,” Peña said. “In our minds this clearly establishes an ‘easement’ right to travel over these roads and pathways. For Governor Perry to suddenly seek to terminate these rights is an affront.”
Peña indicated that he plans to bring the issue up before the United Nations. “America’s trampling of human rights has become a growing problem for us,” Peña complained. “While the United States may be the 800 lb. gorilla in our bilateral relationship they can’t stand against the whole of humanity represented by the UN.”
UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon promised “to give this matter serious consideration. The Earth belongs to all of humanity. The right of any individual to move about in any part of it cannot be denied by any secular power. The fact that Mexicans have been crossing the Texas border unopposed for generations would seem to have built a strong case for the easement right claimed by President Peña.”
Peña brushed off contentions that his country has also been unneighborly by continuing to imprison US Marine Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi for inadvertently crossing into Mexico with guns in the trunk of his vehicle. “There is no right to bear arms in Mexico,” Peña pointed out. “If we let this man go it will set a bad example for others. His case is in no way comparable. First off, he is one man. The persons impacted by Governor Perry’s edict number in the tens, maybe hundreds of thousands. Few of them are armed, but even if they were, America’s Constitution guarantees their right to own and carry firearms.”
School Confiscates American Flags from Students
Woodruff High School in Spartanburg, South Carolina confiscated American flags from the vehicles of four students this past week.
The school’s principal, Aaron Fulmer, explained that “professions of patriotism do not write a ‘blank check’ for egregious behavior. Many of our undocumented students may feel intimidated by such flagrant demonstrations. And as President Obama has pointed out, the American flag, like the Confederate flag, is seen as a symbol of oppression in many parts of the world.”
“Flaunting so-called American exceptionalism also contradicts the lesson of humility our school is trying to inculcate,” Fulmer said. “The United States is just one country out of hundreds. It is inappropriate for students to be acting like America is special and somehow better than anywhere else.”
Fulmer was less certain about the possibility of confiscating other flags that have been brandished around the country. “A Mexican flag may be a reassuring symbol of a far away home that an immigrant misses,” Fulmer speculated. “Who are we to take that away from them?”
As for confiscating the ISIS flags that have popped up elsewhere, Fulmer admitted that “that would be difficult. I wouldn’t know the flag if I saw it. And I wouldn’t want to risk angering some very dangerous people.”
IRS Poised to Start Taxing Employer Provided Lunches
Some employers provide employees with company-paid free lunches. The idea is to keep workers at their desks and improve productivity. The expense has normally been lumped in with other expenses as a cost of doing business. The IRS now wants to tax these lunches as income to the employees.
IRS spokesperson Jason Coveter explained that “most employees have to furnish their own lunches. Whether they go out and buy it or bring it from home, they are bearing this cost themselves. It is unfair for other employees to get a lunch paid for by their employer. We’re just trying to level the playing field.”
The “leveling” will be retroactive “to help rectify previous wrongs,” according to Coveter. “We’re going to try to go back at least a few years if we can,” he said. “Consuming free lunches is kind of a social crime and we’re using a sort of ‘statute of limitations’ model that would impose a significant penalty, but not an unlimited one.”
Some taxpayers could end up owing thousands in back taxes and penalties. Not to worry says Coveter, though. “We will have easy payment plans in place that will allow those who owe to pay in installments over the course of a year or two.”
Other employer provided amenities that are in line for future IRS scrutiny include free parking, heating/cooling, lights, and toilet facilities. “Those are all things that the employee has to pay for when he’s at home,” Coverter said. “There’s no good reason why he should be relieved of the cost of these burdens just because he’s at work.”
Germany Strikes Blow Against ISIS
The German Government has decided to strike back against the ISIS reign of terror in Iraq and Syria by revoking its access to civic amenities.
Included in the ban would be the total loss of privileges to use public facilities such as meeting rooms at libraries, ramadas at public parks, and participation in public parades. In addition, security personnel at sporting events will be instructed to deny admittance to anyone wearing Isis symbols including hats, t-shirts or other garb with the organization’s insignia.
Defense minister Thomas de Mazière, characterized the restrictions as “a measured response. We want to give them the chance to feel the bite of these penalties and see if it reforms their behavior before considering more aggressive actions.”
Holder Says Arming Mexican Drug Cartels “Our Ace in the Hole” vs. ISIL Infiltrators
While a key part of President Obama’s strategy to combat ISIL involves arming supposed enemies of that organization, a program that has previously been roundly criticized is now being bandied about as “prescient” and “visionary” by Attorney General Eric Holder. The program: “Fast and Furious.”
“What the President’s critics have lambasted as wrongheaded and improvident is starting to look pretty good now that ISIL has vowed to infiltrate the United States via our southern border,” Holder bragged. “The Mexican drug cartels are very territorial about what crosses over this border. They won’t be too friendly toward ISIL actions that may threaten their smuggling profits.”
Holder hailed “the toughness of these people. As we have seen they are every bit as vicious as the thugs running ISIL. They have murdered hundreds—many by beheading. And with the huge volume of firearms we have helped them acquire they are well-prepared to defend their perceived turf against these ISIL interlopers.”
Jennifer Lasley, a senior official in the Department of Homeland Security’s intelligence and analysis office concurred in Holder’s take on the issue. “These Mexican gangs are scary. Setting them up to be our first line of defense against potential ISIL infiltration was a stroke of genius that the Administration won’t get enough credit for.”
It’s possible, though, that ISIL might use a portion of its profits from sale of oil from the wells it seized in Iraq to bribe the cartels for a truce and passage through their border fiefdoms. Should this occur, Holder vowed that “we will put our heads together to try to come up with a ‘plan B.’”
In related news, Rep. Eddie Johnson (D-Tex) argues that “the beheading of those journalists doesn’t warrant the war President Obama now seems eager to initiate. That was only two guys. As many or more are murdered every week in the President’s home town. So, is he going to launch air strikes against the gangs that are terrorizing the streets of Chicago? Aren’t they more dangerous to more Americans than ISIS?”
Senator Udall Says Debates “Not Part of My Strategy”
Sitting Senator Mark Udall (D-Colo) refuses to debate his GOP opponent Cory Gardner, saying that a proposed televised debate is “not part of my strategy for reelection.”
“These live debates are such a crap shoot,” Udall groused. “You can’t carefully craft your message. You only have a few seconds to compose answers to off-the-wall questions. The risk of a misstatement is high.”
Rather than endanger the major investment his campaign has made in focus group-vetted platitudes by debating, Udall expressed satisfaction with his plan to bombard voters with dinner-time robocalls. “The beauty of these is that a candidate has total control over what is said,” he boasted. “A brief message that pushes a couple of key buttons can reach thousands of voters per hour. Why should I ruin that by stumbling through a debate?”
Press Secretary Chides Golf Clubs
The Trump National Golf Club, Winged Foot and Willow Ridge rejected requests to let President Obama play on their golf courses over the Labor Day weekend. This mightily irked Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest.
“These clubs put the needs and convenience of their members ahead of the needs and convenience of the President of the United States,” Earnest charged. “It’s a clear case of misplaced priorities.”
The inconveniences to golf club members would’ve been substantial. All other golfers would’ve been barred from the course while the President played through.
“Where’s their sense of patriotism?” Earnest wondered. “The President is Commander-in-Chief. Where’s their sense of social conscience? Their club members are part of the wealthiest segment of society. The President is the representative of all the people, including the lowliest among us. Where’s their sense of humanity? The President has the hardest job in the world. Surely that entitles him to some much needed relaxation. It’s just so cruel and unfair.”
To try to make amends, Donald Trump offered to allow Obama unlimited access to all of the golf courses he owns if the President would only resign from office. “His mouthpiece is asking for a sense of humanity,” Trump observed. “How about a win-win situation where Obama is relieved of his burdens while the world is rescued from his incompetence?”
Kerry Says Islamic State Is Not Islamic
US Secretary of State John Kerry challenged ISIL’s definition of itself and insisted that the self-proclaimed Islamic State is not, in fact, Islamic.
“I studied Islam in college,” Kerry asserted. “None of the books I read or classes I took mentioned anything about beheading unbelievers or raping women. I’ll stack this up against the mutterings of an uneducated terrorist any day of the week.”
Palestinian-Jordanian politician Muhammad Bayoudh Al-Tamimi disagreed with Kerry and maintained that ISIL’s “actions and words stem directly from the Quran and Sunna—two of Islam’s most sacred texts.”
A spokesman for ISIL suggested that “perhaps this chattering moron, Kerry, has not read the right books or listened to the words of practicing believers. If he falls into our hands we will give him the opportunity to rectify this gap in his education. Then we will cut his head off as the Quran commands.”
IRS Chief Says “We Try to Follow the Law Whenever We Can”
IRS Commissioner John Koskinen told the House Ways and Means subcommittee that “as a general rule, we try to follow the law whenever we can.” Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Tex), who leads the subcommittee, expressed the idea that the IRS ought to always follow the law and asked for instances in which Koskinen thought breaking the law might be necessary.
“Laws are such static things,” Koskinen observed. “They don’t necessarily provide for every possible contingency. If the President feels that there is a gap in the law we’re not going to allow ourselves to be stymied by the lack of legislative authorization for what needs to be done.”
A Satirical Look at Recent News
John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.
Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.
By Cathi Herrod, President, Center for Arizona Policy
“Today, U.S. District Judge John Sedwick ruled narrowly that Arizona must recognize the marriage of two men who were legally married in another state. This decision was driven by politics, not constitutional law.
While the ruling is narrow, Judge Sedwick also stated in his order that Arizona probably would be required to permit same sex marriages despite the definition of marriage as the union of one man and one woman found in Arizona’s constitutional marriage amendment approved by the people in 2008 and found in Arizona law since statehood.
Arizona has become the latest victim of a politically driven judiciary.
The U.S. Supreme Court has affirmed the right of every state to define marriage, yet Judge Sedwick has joined the judicial stampede of other lower federal judges who have tried to override or ignore marriage laws based on no precedent other than their own political bias.
We all know this issue will ultimately end up before the U.S. Supreme Court. That Court has scheduled a September 29 conference to determine whether and which state marriage amendment cases to accept for review. A ruling likely will be issued by next summer.
Political and cultural winds may shift, but the foundational value and purpose of marriage between one man and one woman remains.
Regardless of how the courts rule, two truths will endure:
- No court will ever be the final arbiter of the definition of marriage. All those who say supporters of one man, one woman marriage are on the wrong side of history have a very short and narrow view of history. Just as the Roe v. Wade decision began the public policy debate about legalized abortion, so too the public policy debate about marriage has only just begun.
- The bonds between a child and their father and mother are irreplaceable. While many children tragically are not able to experience the joy and benefits of having a loving mom and dad, public policy should provide every opportunity to give children a mom and a dad, yet today’s decision is the first step that will block more children from that opportunity.
Center for Arizona Policy’s commitment to advocating for marriage and family is stronger than ever. No matter what a court may say, we will continue to work towards making Arizona the best state to raise a family.”