Obama Eyes Emancipation Proclamation as Model for Amnesty Executive Order

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Insiders say that President Obama will use President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation as the model for his anticipated Executive Order granting amnesty to millions of illegal immigrants. In 1862 Lincoln declared that all slaves in territory held by the Rebels were “forever free.” He justified it as a wartime necessity.

Those close to Obama say he views the parallels as “striking.” “As he sees it,” says an off-the-record source, “the vast majority of the illegal immigrants reside in states that are hostile to the Administration—at war with his efforts to transform the nation. Thus, as Commander-in-Chief he believes it is his right to act alone to both serve a broader justice and to weaken the strength of his political enemies.”

The beauty of it is that there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him should he decide to go ahead,” the source chortled. “He may not have the law or Constitution on his side, but he has strong support from national opinion makers. And if the GOP dares to impeach him for exceeding his authority a wave of Hispanic votes will sweep them aside in November.”

To his credit, Lincoln aware of the absence of explicit authority for his proclamation sucessfully lobbied for a Constitutional Amendment (the 13th) freeing the slaves. President Obama is reported to see no need for a similar move on his part to try to fix what he considers “a fatality flawed and essentially useless document.”

Judge Denies Plaintiff Access to IRS Emails

The quest of those victimized by the IRS’s discriminatory treatment of conservative groups hit a brick wall when U.S. District Court Judge Reggie Walton ruled that the plaintiffs failed to prove that denial of access to the emails would result in “irreparable” harm.

True the Vote,” a conservative organization dedicated to combating vote fraud, had requested that a forensic expert of the court’s choosing attempt to recover the “lost” emails of IRS official Lois Lerner. Lerner has refused to testify to Congress on the grounds that such testimony would be “self incriminating.”

Nonetheless, Judge Walton characterized the plaintiff’s suspicions as “excessively mistrustful of the government. The IRS has said that the emails in question are irretrievably lost. True the Vote has failed to produce any evidence that this is not the case.”

A spokesman for True the Vote called the ruling a “catch 22. We are denied the opportunity to probe for evidence because we don’t already have that evidence. This is despite the fact that a pattern of ‘lost emails’ amongst various government agencies is emerging. I don’t think we’re excessively mistrustful.”

Walton also ruled that “the fact that the plaintiffs are free to file lawsuits and are not languishing in some secret prison strikes me as pretty persuasive evidence that they have not suffered irreparable harm. Whether they may suffer such harm in the future is, at this point, speculative.”

In related news, House Oversight and Government Reform Committee chairman Darrell Issa (R-Calif) reports that more than 20 Obama Administration have “irretrievably lost” emails his committee has subpoenaed. Press Secretary Josh Earnest attributed this phenomenon to “extraordinary bad luck. We spend top dollar for the best computer equipment, yet this keeps happening over and over. The President is just livid about it.”

Weiner to Open Wiener Restaurant

Anthony Weiner, the former Democratic Congressman who gained wide notoriety by tweeting photos of his genitalia is ready to open a new chapter in his life. Spotting what he characterized as “an unfilled niche in the marketplace,” the ex-pol is set to embark upon a restaurant venture in the Queens borough of New York City.

The wiener, or hot dog, is an under appreciated delicacy,” Weiner maintains. “Too often it is relegated to street corner carts where it is hastily prepared, topped with pedestrian condiments, and carelessly scarfed down by the palate-challenged troglodytes who walk our streets.”

At Chez Weiner we will introduce diners to a truly gourmet experience,” Weiner boasted. “Instead of having to settle for a squirt of mustard or ketchup on their meat our patrons will have an array of classic choices with which to garnish their wieners. My own personal favorite is the foot-long dog tipped with a creamy Alfredo sauce, but we will also have Bearnaise, Béchamel, Velouté, Espagnole, Hollandaise, and tomato bisque along with ‘chef’s surprise’ toppings for special occasions.”

The menu won’t be circumscribed to solely wieners,” Weiner promised. “There will be a variety of drool-worthy bratwurst, kielbasa and other sausage-like options, we think will go down easy.”

Weiner said he expects to make heavy use of social media to promote his venture. “If I’ve learned anything from past experience it’s that whatever you put out there on Twitter goes a lot farther than you originally anticipated,” Weiner observed. “Once I show people what I’ve got I’m confident they’ll come and get it.”

Braley’s “Chickens Out” Demand Mars Senate Bid

Iowa’s Democratic nominee for the US Senate Bruce Braley’s hissy fit over a neighbor’s chickens may derail his electoral chances in this farm state. The trouble started when Braley espied a few of neighbor Pauline Hampton’s pet chickens strutting around the yard of his vacation home in the town of Brooklyn and filed a complaint with the home owners association.

In an attempt to be neighborly, Hampton proffered a gift of a dozen freshly laid eggs, but Bruce Braley would have none of it. “I can’t be bought off so cheaply,” Braley angrily asserted. “I’m a candidate for the United States Senate. I shouldn’t have to put up with unwanted fowl trespassing on my property. I deserve more respect.”

Hampton was blindsided by the vehemence of Braley’s reaction. “These are very gentle chickens,” Hampton insisted. “They don’t wander very far from home and they don’t pose a danger to anyone or anything.”

The PETA-endorsed Braley saw no irony in his demand that Hampton cage her chickens or face being sued for damages. “While I support the general concept of ‘free-range’ chickens I don’t want them on my doorstep,” the candidate said. Braley admitted that he doesn’t spend much time at his Brooklyn property, but insisted that “the very thought of these creatures invading my space even when I’m not there is an affront I can’t abide.”

Reid Says He Will Make No Apologies for Defending President’s Credibility

A big part of President Obama’s political message has been the travails he’s suffered because of a “do nothing” Congress. The fact that there are over 300 bills passed by the House that are currently being blocked by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) would seem to rebut the President’s contention. Of these House passed bills, 50% passed unanimously, 70% passed with a 2/3rds majority, and 55 were introduced by Democrat members of the House.

The House has been active trying to craft legislation to address an array of problems,” Rep. Lynn Jenkins (R-Kan) pointed out. “The charge that we are doing nothing is mendacious propaganda. It is the Senate under the leadership of Harry Reid that is failing to undertake its legislative responsibilities.”

Reid defended his inaction on these bills. “The President is engaged in a desperate struggle over who will rule this nation,” Reid contended. “Faced with the option of helping him or cooperating with the House my choice is clear. If the President is to prevail in his struggle his argument must not be undermined. By helping to ensure that nothing can get through Congress the case for unilateral executive action is bolstered.”

The Majority Leader argued that recent polls showing that Congress is held in even lower repute than the President vindicate his strategy. “The whole concept of legislative government is confusing to the average American,” Reid said. “Voters want and deserve the clarity of having the man they chose as their President do what the country needs to have done. By validating his criticism of Congress I am helping him to retain his credibility in his fight. For that I make no apologies.”

911 Protocols Explained

When she heard someone breaking into her home, 80-year-old N.J. Logan grabbed a pistol and called 911. The Holmes Beach, Florida 911 operator repeatedly insisted that Logan “put down the gun.”

This seemingly counter intuitive advice was labeled “standard protocol” by Holmes Beach Police Captain Abbie Safer. “Our first priority must be to insure the safety of our officers. Ideally, only the police would have guns. Failing that it is our presumption that anyone else with a gun is a perp deadly force will be deployed.”

If Ms. Logan is armed when the police arrive she could get shot,” Safer continued. “Even worse, she could mistakenly shoot one of our officers. If she puts the gun down the casualty totals will almost certainly be lower. Chances are those breaking into her home are not armed. Even if they are a shoot out between the victim and the criminals risks multiple lives. An unarmed victim is usually not killed by burglars or rapists. So, on balance, we feel it is better that victims not attempt do-it-yourself self-defense. Wait and let the professionals handle it.”

Logan was not persuaded by either the initial urgent demands from the 911 operator or Captain Safer’s rationale. “It took the police 20 minutes to get there, who knows what might’ve happened while I had to wait for them?” she asked. The crooks, apprised by Ms. Logan that she had a gun, ran off long before the cops arrived.

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

 

Planned Parenthood Under Fire for Allowing Sexual Predator to Continue Abusing Girls

 

Alliance Defending Freedom filed a complaint with the Arizona Department of Health Services Thursday that asks the agency to investigate a Tempe Planned Parenthood facility under a new state law that empowers such investigations. Last month, ADF attorneys joined an Arizona Life Coalition press conference that called on state prosecutors to investigate the facility for allegedly failing to report, as state law requires, the rape of a young girl by 18-year-old Tyler Kost, who then reportedly went on to sexually assault others.

“Planned Parenthood’s main concern should be the safety of young girls, not the size of its profit margin,” said ADF Legal Counsel Natalie Decker. “Sadly, this is not an exception, and Planned Parenthood is abusing more than just taxpayer dollars. Their complicity in placing young girls at the mercy of adult male sexual predators can’t be ignored, nor should it be allowed to continue.”

Pinal County criminally charged Kost with 27 counts of sexual assault and abuse. According to police reports, a Planned Parenthood counselor told one of the alleged victims and her mother at an abortion consultation that it “wasn’t worth the hassle” to report that the minor had been raped. After that, Kost allegedly committed additional offenses against four other young females. In addition to the ADF complaint, the Pinal County Sheriff’s Office has asked the Arizona attorney general to investigate Planned Parenthood concerning the incident. Citizens are doing the same through an online petition.

In addition to the Arizona situation, Planned Parenthood has been sued in Colorado and inOhio for failing to report the sexual abuse of minors.

As the ADF complaint explains, “The allegations against Planned Parenthood AZ and its employees are not that it merely remained silent, which is itself a crime. The allegations are that Planned Parenthood deliberately misrepresented sexual abuse on a minor by Mr. Kost by deliberately miscoding a sexual assault as “consensual.…” Over and over again, in Arizona and across the country, Planned Parenthood facilities stand accused of repeatedly ignoring mandatory reporting laws, inevitably resulting in the continued victimization of young children.”

“Planned Parenthood has violated the health and safety of our daughters, putting them at risk,” added ADF Senior Counsel Michael J. Norton. “The Arizona attorney general and Department of Health Services should immediately investigate the Tempe facility to ensure no other young woman is told that sexual assault isn’t worth the ‘hassle’ of filing the mandatory report with police.”

ADF has been involved in several lawsuits involving Planned Parenthood secrecy and alleged fraud and recently submitted an updated report to Congress on the abuse of taxpayer dollars by the abortion giant’s affiliates. ADF has also been active in monitoring the Tempe Union High School District’s adoption of a Planned-Parenthood–promoted sex education curriculum as a “framework” for the district’s curriculum to ensure the district complies with state law.

Social Justice Defined

By Janice Shaw Crouse

Social justice, as it is popularly used, is probably the worst threat to freedom of religion in America today. Under the guise of helping the oppressed and uplifting victims of society, progressives, using the rhetoric of social justice as a battering ram, are attacking freedom of religion in America. Social justice is not a coherent concept so much as it is yet another form of social engineering in disguise. (See Michael Novakhere and here.)

Instead of addressing the real moral problems of society or working to find solutions to situations involving fundamental injustice, social justice focuses on the popular causes of special interest groups. Often, those who disagree with the social justice agenda are accused of injustice, and their right to freedom of religion is trampled over by social justice advocates demanding the rights of special interest groups.

The recent Hobby Lobby case is a good example of the harm that the social justice philosophy can do to freedom of religion. Business owners whose personal moral convictions would not allow them to provide abortifacient birth control methods for their employees were accused of social injustice toward women. Conservatives and other pro-life advocates pointed out that birth control is available inexpensively and conveniently at clinics and over the counter at corner pharmacies. The Hobby Lobby case had nothing to do with social justice and everything to do with religious freedom. The case was a battle of ideologies — a battle of opposing viewpoints and a battle to decide the future of freedom in America. Essentially, the Hobby Lobby case was a fight between those who advocate special “rights” for a particular segment of the American population and those who believe in the importance of preserving religious freedom for all Americans.

Generally, conservatives avoid using the phrase “social justice,” but that does not mean lack of interest in the well-being of others. Justice requires equal treatment before the law for everyone; it should never be preceded by a word that would limit the extent of its capacity to only a portion of the population. Social justice is, therefore, not real justice and, indeed, hurts true justice, because it focuses on discrimination in favor of special interest groups and segments of society instead of justice for all individuals.

Indeed, the words “social” and “justice” represent mutually exclusive concepts. TheConservative Mind states, “Justice implies a person is getting what he deserves for acts committed by him as an individual … [while social justice] rewards others not on their merit but on their membership in a chosen group.” By themselves, the words “justice” and “freedom” are both principles that most Americans wholeheartedly believe in, principles that have always existed in harmony with each other. But when other words are added — “social justice” and “freedom of religion” — the two become incompatible concepts.

While religious freedom is a universal right to which everyone is entitled, social justice is inherently discriminatory. Instead of empowering people to stand for their individual rights, it herds them together and classifies them based on their gender, race, economic condition, or other qualifying factor. Although the proponents of social justice tout it as a means to eliminate discrimination, the very foundation of its advocates’ principles and actions is the discrimination they claim to oppose. Social justice is both “divisive and destructive,” as well as being a “concept that festers both hatred and guilt.” Without discrimination to separate people into distinct groups, social justice could not exist. On the other hand, religious freedom is inherently non-discriminatory and unifying. It doesn’t relate to one’s skin color, gender, education, or any other form of classification. Instead, social justice ignores the importance of individual responsibility in society. Instead of acknowledging people’s personal responsibility for their actions, social justice chooses to view people only as they fit into certain groups: the oppressors and their victims who deserve redress and compensations. The end result is ultimately a “sense of entitlement” that “tears down incentives and builds up dependence.”

While freedom of religion brings people together through its acknowledgment of and respect for personal convictions, social justice divides communities by forcing people into unrealistic classifications. When the individual’s freedom of religion is respected, citizens can hold and express personal convictions. But when social justice is enforced, citizens face a hostile environment where they are forced to play the role of either the oppressor or the oppressed, as either the exploiter or the victim. Social justice creates a society where one is automatically cast as a “good guy” or a “bad guy” simply on the basis of factors that one cannot necessarily control. As it champions the supposed rights of a portion of the population, social justice accuses the rest of the population of being the perpetrators of injustice and labels those who disagree with its philosophy as “racists” or “haters.”

The social justice vision of America is neither just nor reasonable. Freedom of religion is an element of true justice, while social justice, as preached and practiced, is an element of injustice.

AZ GOP Brand? What Brand?

If this primary election season demonstrates one thing, it’s the wanton disregard of the Arizona Republican Party brand. Five out of six gubernatorial candidates are far off the Republican Party platform reservation, and so are many, many other so-called “Republican” candidates for public office.

It is not that the Republican brand has been tried and failed. For many, it’s never been tried.

That’s especially true for some of our highest-ranking elected officials, such as U.S. Senators John McCain and Jeff Flake and current candidate for governor Scott Smith. What they’re talking about, and the way they legislate, is currently motivated by self interest — in no way consistent with the written word of the Republican brand.

It’s not a recent phenomenon. It stretches back for quite some time.

If you just listen to elected officials and candidates for public office speak, you’d think being being Republican is a 360-degree range, including views from pro-life to pro-abortion, from pro-family to redefinition of the family, from big government to limited government. You quickly hear situational ethics by candidates, promises and yarns spun just to get elected — detached by miles and miles from the GOP national platform.

The 2012 Republican Platform preamble begins as “a statement of who we are and what we believe as a Party and our vision for a stronger and freer America.”

Sen. McCain blazes a John McCain trail unlinked to much of what the GOP platform states. He has spent thousands of dollars to remove platform-aligned Republicans from his pathway. They are an impediment to the arbitrary and unwritten “McCain Platform.” He fights conservatives much harder than he fights radical Democrats, much harder than he fought against Barack Obama in the 2008 presidential election. Sen. Flake is his hand-picked puppet, now in the tank for the radical homosexual agenda. Retired Sen. Jon Kyl is his first lieutenant. McCain seldom shows his face at AZ GOP events, but make no mistake he is pulling the strings from behind the curtain, through his surrogates.

Do you hear many Arizona candidates heeding this from the party platform?

This platform affirms that America has always been a place of grand dreams and even grander realities; and so it will be again, if we return government to its proper role, making it smaller and smarter. If we restructure government’s most important domestic programs to avoid their fiscal collapse. If we keep taxation, litigation, and regulation to a minimum. If we celebrate success, entrepreneurship, and innovation. If we lift up the middle class. If we hand over to the next generation a legacy of growth and prosperity, rather than entitlements and indebtedness.

Scott Smith, the entire Mesa City Council, and numerous Republican legislators, like Bob Worsley and Jeff Dial, and numerous city councilmen and women are champions of big government.

State Sen. Michele Reagan is a virtual Planned Parenthood activist and also a friend of the homosexual agenda.

Smith and former Tempe Mayor Hugh Hallman are in the tank for the radical homosexual agenda, supporting policies that ensnare Christians trying to freely live out their faith and their consciences. The platform calls for preserving and protecting traditional marriage and family — not undermining it.

It’s clear that Sen. Worsley, McCain, Smith, Hallman and others establish their own personal brand as they go, bending every which way but Republican. It’s just helpful to tack on the Republican identifier to fool some voters at election time.

The GOP platform speaks of reforming government to serve the people. Many Republicans in Arizona are drafting policies to make people serve government. They love spending other people’s money, and they are very, very good at it. For those leaders offended by this admonishment, the platform includes a phrase about “protecting the people’s money.” That means safeguarding the hard-earned dollars of the people you serve, not gulping up their money to dream up non-essential ways to burn through it.

It is not only the elect who stray from GOP branding; it’s many of the citizens, too. Few bond elections, raising your taxes, ever lose. And over-rides extend the taxes that the wise elected so often under-estimated the original costs. It’s time to learn the value of a dollar, the public’s dollar.

Arizona Republicans are too often lacking in principle. Governor Jan Brewer opposed Obamacare at first, then caved in and said let’s grab that money — the taxpayers’ money. The platform talks of repealing Obamacare.

The platform discussed building great schools. Our Republican education superintendent of public instruction, John Huppenthal, abandoned his conservative roots and took us down the road of Big Government Common Core “education” and now claims he didn’t do such a thing. Common Core’s brand is so trashed the name has been changed in Arizona in an attempt to cover its true identity.

The Republican Party says it values the sanctity of human life. Our de facto state Republican leader, Sen. McCain, is in favor of cheapening life to the point of supporting destructive embryonic stem cell research. He speaks the leftist talk of choice.

The platform is conservative to the core, but the political director guiding Doug Ducey, one of those candidates for governor, trashed conservatives. Among the other GOP candidates for governor, Christine Jones praised Hillary Clinton to the hilt, Ken Bennett is pro-life but bashed a bill aimed at strengthening religious freedom, Frank Riggs did the same and his time as a California congressman wasn’t quite as conservative as he wants us to believe. Only Andrew Thomas resonates as a true conservative, despite an outrageous judge taking him down for exposing county corruption during his time as Maricopa County attorney.

Sen. Worsley says he needed to run in 2012 because his district was divided over harsh rhetoric. This from a man calling conservatives “extremists” and “haters” and labeling Arizona “a police state.” That’s hypocrisy at its finest.

As you cast your ballots for the primary election, again in the November general election, and in future elections, the following list of brand violaters should prove helpful:

Sen. John McCain
Sen. Jeff Flake
Gov. Jan Brewer (term limited out)
State Sen. Bob Worsley
State Sen. Steve Pierce
State Rep. Doug Coleman
State Sen. Jeff Dial
State Sen. Michele Reagan (Secretary of State candidate)
State Rep. Heather Carter
State Rep. Frank Pratt
State Rep. T.J. Shope
State Rep. Bob Robson
State Sen. Adam Driggs
State Sen. Steve Pierce
State Rep. Ethan Orr
Congressional Candidate Andy Tobin
Former Tempe Mayor Hugh Hallman
Former Mesa Mayor Scott Smith
Arizona Corporation Commission candidate Lucy Mason

Former elected officials/candidates Susan Bitter-Smith, Betsy Bayless, Carol Springer, Carolyn Allen, Randall Gnant, Steve Huffman, Pete Hershberger, Slade Mead (now officially a Democrat for all to see), Steve May, Linda Binder, Sue Gerard, Jane Hull, Fife Symington, Toni Hellon, Mike Hellon, Carol Somers, Jim Kolbe, Kris Mayes, Bill Konopnicki, Neil Giuliano

Gov Candidate Smith Isn’t Pro-Life, Doesn’t Support School Choice, but Does Support Homosexual Agenda

The Center for Arizona Policy has just released its online voter guide for the upcoming Arizona Primary election season ending August 26. A review of the candidates for governor reveals some mighty interesting things:
  • Former Mesa Mayor Scott Smith is NOT pro-life, he opposes school choice and vouchers, he supports the homosexual agenda’s efforts to add gender identity to anti-discrimination laws. There is a name for such candidates: liberal.
  • Smith, Ken Bennett, Doug Ducey, Christine Jones, and Frank Riggs ALL say they support religious freedom! However, all five of them opposed Senate Bill 1062, which … would have protected religious freedom for Arizonans. They must think you voters have not been paying attention.
  • The only candidate who supported religious freedom and 1062 is Andrew Thomas. He also supports the sanctity of life, marriage as the union of one man and one woman, border enforcement and school choice. That’s why we are endorsing Andrew Thomas for governor. As mayor of Mesa, Smith and the city council loved spending other people’s money. All of them are friends of big government. Ducey is the McCain establishment candidate, and is now being accused of scamming people through Cold Stone Creamery. He said if he was governor he would veto 1062, and then he bragged he was the first candidate to say that. Ouch!

 

  • Secretary of State candidate Michele Reagan (RINO) is in favor of abortion, Big Gambling, Planned Parenthood-style sex education, and the homosexual agenda plan to add gender identity to anti-discrimination laws. She also opposes religious freedom.

 

  • Hugh Hallman answered only two CAP voter guide categories, two that are guaranteed to attract left-wing voters. He supports domestic partner benefits and Common Core education! This is how a “Republican” gets elected mayor in liberalville Tempe!
 The CAP voter guide definitely helps separate the Republicans from the RINOs.
Check out the Center for Arizona Policy’s voter guide.

CIA Strikes Penitent Pose

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104With the escape route of deniability closed, CIA Director John Brennan grudgingly apologized to Senate intelligence committee leaders for his Agency’s covert perusal of their correspondence.

Yeah, we’re sorry,” Brennan growled. “But I still don’t see what the big deal is. We spy on everyone. Why should Senators be exempt from our efforts to protect national security? Are they somehow better than the average Americans they supposedly represent?”

Is it really implausible that Senators having access to classified information might pose a significant security risk?” Brennan continued. “I could argue that the need to keep an eye on what they say to who is even more important than monitoring what the great unwashed masses are doing.”

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif), Chair of the Select Committee on Intelligence didn’t dispute the need for “a comprehensive surveillance of potentially dangerous communications,” but questioned whether “members of the Government ought to be ensnared in the net. After all, the role of the CIA is to protect the Government from all enemies domestic and foreign. The time and energy they wasted scrutinizing me and other Senators diverted them from their primary responsibility.”

Thus far an internal CIA investigation of itself has turned up no evidence of criminal wrongdoing. Nonetheless, Brennan has convened an internal accountability board chaired by former Sen. Evan Bayh (D-Indiana) “in order to restore confidence in the Agency’s good name. Having a respected former Senator give us a clean bill of health should help bolster the image of the CIA in the public’s eye.”

UK’s NHS Defends Investment in Boob Jobs

While the United Kingdom’s National Health Service spends more than £50 million per year subsidizing breast augmentation surgeries it refuses to pay for a drug that can help extend the survival time for cancer patients. A stark contrast between the cases of Josie Cunningham and Reece Hawley has raised eyebrows.

The buxom Ms. Cunningham’s breast enlargement was funded by the NHS back in 2009. She currently is selling pay-per-view tickets at £10,000 a pop to see her giving birth later this month. Reece Hawley is a trainee teacher.

NHS spokesman Howard Titman attempted to explain the seemingly anomalous treatment of these two individuals. “Basically, Mr. Hawley is a goner,” Titman said. “With the therapies available the prospect of him living more than a year or two is exceedingly slim. Even then the quality of life he’d experience would be pretty bad. On the other hand, a woman who has had breast augmentation is projected to live many years at a higher stage of happiness because of the procedure.”

Since the NHS has limited resources we have to make choices,” Titman went on. “It seems to us that buying many years of happiness for some easily outweighs buying a few miserable extra months for those desperately ill. As for Mr. Reece being sick through no fault of his own—well we can’t really be sure of that. We can be sure that small-breasted women are the victims of an insufficient genetic inheritance. Why shouldn’t we fix that?”

In related news, Lithuanian Health Minister Ilze Šalaševičiūte proposed that the elderly poor be compassionately euthanized both for their own good and the good of society. “Scarce resources must not be wasted on stringing out the lives of relatively useless members of the community through expensive medical treatments,” Šalaševičiūte maintained. “Those we have sustained on public assistance while they were young and health have already consumed more than their fair share. If they are old and ill it is their social duty to die. We must provide a convenient and comfortable exit for them.”

Congresswoman Says It’s Time to Stop Whining about Canceled Health Insurance

Rep. Anna Eshoo (D-Calif) says she is “tired of hearing pathetic stories from people who have been forced to find new insurance plans under the Affordable Care Act. The ACA has eliminated substandard insurance policies and guaranteed that every American will obtain superior coverage.”

Rather than be grateful that the Government is looking out for their best interests a cadre of complainers are whining that the new plans cost more than their old plans,” Eshoo complained. “Well, duh. These new plans cover more stuff. A lot of the old plans didn’t cover a number of birth control options. Virtually none of them covered sex-change surgery. To get more you’ve got to expect to pay more.”

Religious fanatics who assert that they have no need for these added coverages are putting their selfish and deluded views ahead of what the legislation has determined is in the best interest of the nation as a whole,” Eshoo contended. “I have no sympathy for their individualistic and egocentric demands.”

Rep. Bill Cassidy (R-La) whose proposed bill authorizing insurers to continue selling ACA non-compliant policies to willing buyers inspired Eschoo’s rant called her remarks “as a clear demonstration of the smirking arrogance that characterizes the thinking of so many proponents of Big Government.”

Democrat Says President Can Ignore Law If He Wants

House Democratic Whip Steny Hoyer (MD) acknowledged that “the President can’t legitimately legalize those who’ve illegally entered the country,” but suggested that “he could decline to enforce the laws against illegal entry against them.”

Hoyer argued that “it’s like the cop who decides to overlook your speeding because you’re driving your pregnant wife to the hospital. There are extenuating circumstances that make rigid enforcement of the law cruel.”

Most of those in the country illegally came here for good reasons,” Hoyer pointed out. “They come from countries where their prospects and opportunities are poor—there are no safety nets. In America they can look forward to an array of social services like free education, healthcare, and guaranteed minimum sustenance to ensure that they are fed, clothed and housed. They aren’t limited to what they can provide for themselves.”

So, while it’s clear that the President has no Constitutional or legal authority to take care of these people he may view it as his moral obligation to do so,” Hoyer said. “He’d just be being his brother’s keeper, so to speak.”

President Excuse s Hamas Tactics, Condemns Israel

President Obama condemned Israel’s attack on a UN school in Gaza as “barbaric and uncivilized.” The fact that the school housed Hamas weapons that were being used to kill Israeli civilians was considered insufficient grounds for the Israeli Army’s shelling of the building.

As former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton mentioned earlier this week, Gaza is a small country with few locations where weapons can be concealed,” Obama said. “Besides, Hamas had explicit permission from the UN to store armaments in the school’s basement. It is Israel that is acting outside the bounds of internationally agreed upon standards.”

UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon confirmed that “the dual usage of this building was necessitated by the scarcity of space and the juxtaposition of mutually hostile peoples in this beleaguered land. If it weren’t for the unwanted presence of Jews in this formerly Muslim territory there would be no need for Hamas to store weapons designed to oust the occupiers.”

From a superficial perspective I realize that it might seem that Hamas’ attacks on Israeli civilians would be perceived as unwarranted,” Obama conjectured. “However, given the disproportion between the strengths of Israel’s armed forces and Hamas’ fighters it would be unfair for us to insist that both sides confine attacks to each other’s respective armed combatants. There is little doubt that a direct Hamas attack on Israeli soldiers would be suicidal. The only effective way Hamas can hurt Israel is to target its civilians.”

To help illustrate his argument, President Obama pointed out that “the comparative weakness of Hamas forced them to use the agreed upon 72-hour ceasefire as an opportunity to launch a surprise attack where they were able to kidnap an Israeli soldier. This would not have been possible if hostilities had been in full swing.”

In related news, Obama used the occasion of the Islamic holiday of Eid (al-Fitr) to thank Muslims for “building the very fabric of our nation.” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) said she was “pretty sure the President is referring to those fabulous carpets, which I think are made in Persia. I have several in my houses.”

Massachusetts Cracks Down on Pro-Life Free Speech

Determined to overcome a recent 9-0 US Supreme Court ruling against the state’s “buffer zones” surrounding abortion clinics, the Massachusetts Legislature enacted a new, more severe buffer zone statute. The penalty for violating the new buffer zone is a fine of up to $50,000 and incarceration of up to three years in jail.

Governor Deval Patrick (D) praised “the courage of our legislators who have stood up against judicial tyranny. The right to an abortion is a human right. Women seeking to exercise this right should not be impeded by the unwanted messages of its opponents assaulting their ears on the way to see the doctor.”

Patrick was unmoved by the prospect that the Court would also invalidate this new law. “We can pass new laws faster than any court can overturn them,” he asserted. “The ban against pro-life harassment of women will be enforced in this state and there is nothing the Courts can do about it.”


A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

Our Latest Primary Endorsements

The Arizona Conservative is endorsing candidates for public office in the Grand Canyon State in advance of the August 26 primary elections. Voters have two choices: candidates who will champion FREEDOM for the individual and those who will push policies that deny and reduce personal freedoms – the candidates of socialism and excessive government CONTROL of your life. Whom do you want in office? Those who protect your constitutional freedom, or those who would expand government and take away more and more of your freedom? Your vote will impact every facet of American society and culture. Check back frequently as we are examining more candidates and propositions and making recommendations:

Office Freedom Control
Governor Andy Thomas Fred DuVal
Secretary of State Will Cardon Chris Campas, Terry Goddard
Attorney General Mark Brnovich Felicia Rotellini
State Treasurer Randy Pullen
Supt. Of Public Instruction Diane Douglas Sharon Thomas, David Garcia
Mining Inspector Joe Hart Manuel Cruz
Congress-District 1 Adam Kwasman Ann Kirkpatrick
Congress-District 2 Martha McSally, Chuck Wooten Ron Barber
Congress-District 3 Gabriela Saucedo Mercer Raul Grijalva
Congress-District 4 Paul Gosar Mikel Weisser
Congress-District 5 Matt Salmon
Congress-District 6 David Schweikert
Congress-District 7 Steve Gallardo, Cesar Chavez
Congress-District 8 Trent Franks Helmuth Hack
Congress-District 9 Wendy Rogers Kyrsten Sinema

Arizona Corporation Commission

Tom Forese, Vernon Parker

Arizona Legislature

District 1

Senate:

House: Linda Gray, Karen Fann

District 2

Senate:

House:

District 3

Senate:

House:

District 4

Senate: Connie Uribe

House:

District 5

Senate: Kelli Ward

House: Sam Medrano

District 6

Senate: Chester Crandall (State Sen. Crandall tragically died in a horseback riding accident near Heber August 4th)

House: Brenda Barton

District 7

Senate:

House:

District 8

Senate: Irene Littleton

House: Darla Dawald

District 9

Senate:

House:

District 10

Senate:

House:

District 11

Senate: Steve Smith

House: Vince Leach, Mark Finchem

District 12

Senate: Andy Biggs

House: Eddie Farnsworth, Warren Peterson

District 13

Senate: Don Shooter

House: Darin Mitchell, Steve Montenegro

District 14

Senate: Gail Griffin

House: David Gowan, David Stevens

District 15

Senate: Nancy Barto

House: John Allen, David Smith

District 16

Senate: David Farnsworth

House: Kelly Townsend, John Fillmore

District 17

SenateA Steve Yarbrough

House: J.D. Mesnard, Jeff Weninger

District 18

Senate: Tom Morrissey

House: John King, Jill Norgaard

District 19

Senate:

House:

District 20

Senate: Kimberly Yee

House: Paul Boyer, Carl Seel

District 21

Senate: Debbie Lesko

House: Rick Gray

District 22

Senate: Judy Burges

House: David Livington, Phil Lovas

District 23

Senate: John Kavanaugh

House: Jay Lawrence, Michelle Ugenti

District 24

Senate:

House:

District 25

Senate: Dr. Ralph Heap

House: Rusty Bowers, Justin Olsen, Jerry Walker

District 26

Senate:

House:

District 27

Senate:

House:

District 28

Senate:

House: Shawna Bolick

District 29

Senate:

House:

District 30

Senate: Gary Cox

House:

LOCAL ELECTIONS

Mesa Mayor — Danny Ray

Chandler City Council — Kevin Hartke, Rene Lopez, Terry Roe

Gilbert Town Council – Victor Peterson, Eddie Cook, Jordan Ray

Bullhead City Mayor — Kathy Bruck

PROPOSITIONS

Tempe–475: Non-discrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity

NO: This proposition is not in the best interests of individuals who are struggling with same-sex attraction and who are confused about their gender.  Furthermore, these non-discrimination bills, fronted by leftists seeking to destroy traditional marriage and family structure, are cited by activist judges to over-rule the First Amendment’s guarantee of free speech and the free exercise of religion.  For these reasons, VOTE NO.

Barack’s Big “F” on Jobs Report Card

June 2014: Full time jobs dropped by 523,000, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics

47.7 percent of American adults are working full time

Since 2007, U.S. population has grown by 17.2 million, but 374,000 fewer people are working

Americans in the labor force is 62.8 percent — a 36-year low

Long-term unemployment is at historically high levels

Economic recovery remains as the weakest recovery from a recession since World War II

Obama’s counterproductive policies of increased taxation and expanded mandates have deterred new investments, reduced economic growth, and lowered job creation

 

Early Primary Election Ballots Go Out Tomorrow

Email from secretary of state’s office …

Early voters, get your pens ready. Early ballots for the Primary Election begin mailing for voters affiliated with a recognized political party July 31, 2014. More than 1 million early ballots will mail statewide. Recognized political parties include Republican, Democrat, Libertarian or Americans Elect.

“Independent voters make up the largest group of voters in Arizona; and it is important for them to know they can vote in the Primary Election,” said Secretary of State Ken Bennett. “Both independent and partisan voters have the choice of voting by mail or at the poll on Election Day, August 26.”

To vote by mail, whether a partisan or independent voter, contact the County Recorder for the county of legal residence and request an early partisan ballot. If voting at an early voting location, an independent voter may make his or her party ballot selection at the poll. For early voting locations and availability, contact the County Recorder’s office.

The last day to request an early ballot for the Primary Election is August 15, 2014. Vote, sign, seal, and send the primary ballot no later than August 22, 2014. If you vote by mail, do not vote again in person. Also, for security reasons, only give your ballot to your postal worker. Should you miss the mailing deadline, you may drop your ballot at an early voting location or with your County Recorder. For locations and availability, contact the County Recorder’s office.

“If you wouldn’t trust a person with your money,” said Secretary Bennett, “I recommend not trusting him or her with your ballot.”

For those voters voting on Election Day, August 26, make sure you know your correct polling location, as voting locations may change from election to election. To know before you go, go online to www.azsos.gov, and click on the Voter View icon or call 1-877-THE VOTE or in the Phoenix Metro Area 602-542-8683. The Voter View portion of the website is compatible with smartphones and tablets.

Haney: Riggs was AWOL from Conservative Battlefront

By Rob Haney, former chairman, Maricopa County Republican Party

Self-touting “veteran” and former California Congressman Frank Riggs’ campaign rhetoric at Monday’s forum needs to be measured by his own standards. Riggs bragged about his years in Congress and stated that we must judge a candidate by what he does — not by what he says.

Let’s examine what Riggs has done since he arrived in Arizona in 2001.

Conservative Battles Waged Riggs Claims He Did or Said

Must be US citizen to vote………………………………………………….AWOL
Must show ID to vote………………………………………………………….AWOL
Must be citizen to collect welfare………………………………………..AWOL
No social security benefits to illegal aliens…………………………..AWOL
Opposition to special benefits for dreamers………………………….AWOL
Opposition to sanctuary city for illegal aliens……………………….AWOL
Legislation for employer sanctions………………………………………AWOL
Battles against Amnesty legislation……………………………………..AWOL
Grass root opposition to Kyl, McCain, Flake………………………….AWOL
Attend meetings & rallies to oppose illegal alien invasion………AWOL
Attend MCRC & State GOP meetings to back candidates………..AWOL
Testimony at State Legislature to oppose illegal aliens……..…..AWOL
Statement backing Arpaio, Thomas, Pullen VS illegal aliens……AWOL
Religious Freedom Act…intimidated by homosexual lobby to oppose religious liberty

A conservative in these battles created enemies and bears battle scars. Where are Riggs’ scars? Where are his enemies? He has none because the “veteran” did not run toward the sound of gun fire. He was AWOL. The “baggage” a conservative fighter carries is actually a medal of honor for having borne the battle for us. We welcome Mr. Riggs to the front lines, but he is 12 years late.

The candidate to carry the conservative flag to the Governor’s chair is the man who has borne the battle for us. That man is Andrew Thomas. To do otherwise would be a betrayal of principles we hold dear.

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