Roberts Says Wolf ‘too Inexperienced for Debate’

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Senator Pat Roberts (R-Kan) continued his refusal to debate challenger Dr. Milton Wolf prior to the upcoming August 5 primary election date on the grounds that “Wolf is not qualified to hold such a high office.”

“I’ve been in this political racket for nearly 50 years,” the 78 year-old Roberts pointed out. “I didn’t just leap into the national arena as my first venture into joining the governing elite. I served on the staff of Senator Frank Carlson and Representative Keith Sebelius for over 12 years before I ran for Congress in 1980. Then I put in 16 years in the House before I ran for the Senate.”

“Dr. Wolf wasn’t even born when I began my political career,” Roberts pointed out. “He was just a fuzzy-cheeked kid when I first started bringing home the bacon for the State of Kansas. Even as an adult Wolf made no effort to work his way into government. So he has no track record by which voters can judge his suitability to participate in ruling them. If I debate him it would lend a sheen of credibility to his candidacy that would only make it easier for every upstart outsider to gain unearned attention. This would shake the foundations of the way we do business in Washington. I won’t be a party to it.”

Arizona Anti-Abortion Law Racist Says ACLU, NAACP

The ACLU has filed suit alleging that an Arizona law that bars sex-selective and race-based abortions is racist. He suit was filed on behalf of the NAACP and the National Asian-Pacific American Women’s Forum.

Alexa Kolbi-Molinas of the ACLU insisted that “this law has a racially disparate effect as its intent. African-Americans are nearly four times as likely to opt for abortion as the end point of a pregnancy compared to whites. Consequently, the Arizona law has a chilling impact on what should be a freely taken choice.”

“The barrier to sex-selective abortions introduces a culturally insensitive affront to persons of Asian descent,” Kolbi-Molinas asserted. “In these cultures a male child is valued more highly than a female child. Seeking to block women from terminating a low-valued pregnancy would, in effect, impose a costly unwanted burden in order to mandate adherence to a largely white ideal of equality between the sexes.”

Rep. Steve Montenegro (R-Litchfield Park), sponsor of the law in its course through the Arizona Legislature, maintains that the new lawsuit against the law “reconfirms the necessity for it. The desire of a mother to abort her baby because of its race or sex is barbaric. Whether this barbarism stems from cultural pressures or individual cruelty we owe it to the innocent victims to try to deter such crimes.”

Cost to House Influx of Illegals Stuns Senators

In testimony before the Senate Budget Committee, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson shocked senators of both parties when he disclosed that it costs between $250 and $1,000 per day per person to house the illegal immigrants that have been surging across our border with Mexico.

“There was an audible gasp, a bipartisan gasp,” Senator Marco Rubio (R., Fla.) recounted. “I could take a luxurious Caribbean cruise every day of the year for a lower total cost. I cannot fathom why the spartan accommodations we are providing for these people should cost so much.”

Senate Budget Committee chairwoman Patty Murray (D-Wash) questioned the applicability of Rubio’s luxury cruise comparison. “While the amount may appear excessive to the untrained observer I’m sure there are unseen factors that we just don’t realize,” Murray presumed. “If Senator Rubio takes a cruise he makes all his own arrangements and may exert some judgment over whether the expenses are worth it. No such latitude is available for these refugees. Housing them is official government business entailing multiple layers of authority and decision making. Who are we to second guess what they do?”

Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV) was one of the few that weren’t shocked by the expense. “We pay upwards of $50,000 per year for each prison inmate,” he pointed out. “Let’s face it, government housing is expensive.”

Housing prisoners at $50,000 per inmate per year comes to around $140 per day—far lower than DHS’s estimate for housing the immigrants. “You’ve got to remember that the budgets for prisons aren’t arrived at in a panic situation,” Johnson said. “There’s time to reflect on what might be the most cost-effective methods. The urgency of the immigration crisis eliminates the opportunity to pursue issues of efficiency. It’s Congress’s duty to appropriate whatever amount the President has requested to handle this emergency.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi suggested that “the high cost of housing these immigrants could be averted if we make use of the vast inventory of unused housing that exists in this country. How many American families have more room than they need? Can’t some of this space be made available on an emergency basis?”

Pelosi said she was unsure of how to make unused housing available but speculated that “President Obama could issue an Executive Order compelling home owners to provide access to their excess capacity. We could look at a home’s square footage and number of rooms, compare that to census data on who currently lives there and make a determination of which homes can take in some of the refugees.”

The United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees concurred in Pelosi’s assessment noting that “the typical American family has far more living room than the refugees that need to be accommodated. Simple equity demands that this excess be shared among these less fortunate people.”

In related news, the New York City Council announced it is prepared to grant citizenship to up to 500,000 illegal immigrants. Mayor Bill de Blasio called the passage of this ordinance “a proud day for our City. While Congress may be too indifferent to act in this time of emergency I’m pleased to see that New Yorkers have stepped in to fill the void. And with the documents we will be giving these immigrants there will be nothing to stop them from enjoying the full fruits of living in America no matter where they choose to go.”

Bill to Curb “Operation Choke Point” Introduced

Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyer (R-Mo) is sponsoring H.R. 4986, the End Operation Choke Point Act of 2014. The bill aims to stem Department of Justice abuse of legitimate businesses.

Under Operation Choke Point the DOJ working in concert with the FTC, FDIC, OCC, CFPB, and FBI has been intimidating banks in order to deny these financial resources to targeted commercial operations. While DOJ claims it is merely combating criminal activity, legal, but pariah businesses like firearms vending, marijuana dispensaries and check cashing firms have frequently been shut off from the banking system.

The Administration opposes the bill. “Even though some businesses may technically be legal their existence still poses a threat to the community,” Attorney General Eric Holder explained. “If we can take action to cut these businesses off from being able to deposit money and write checks we may be able to achieve a goal that Congress has not shown the guts to accomplish on its own.”

“Achieving a policy that Congress has declined to enact is beyond the scope of the Attorney General’s authority,” Luetkemeyer pointed out. “The role of the DOJ is to enforce the laws that exist not concoct schemes to implement laws they think should exist.”

In related news, the DOJ has opened an investigation of Dale Remmich whose float depicting an outhouse labeled “Obama Presidential Library” in a Fourth-of-July parade in Norfolk Nebraska was deemed “unacceptably disrespectful of the President.” “Freedom of speech is not a blank check,” Holder argued. “We have to draw a line. Mr Remmich needs to answer for his insult. At the very least we can make him sweat a bit.”

White House Claims President’s Appointees “Absolutely Immune”

Despite audio evidence of prohibited political activity by Obama Administration officials, White House Counsel Neil Eggleston rejected House Oversight and Government Reform Committee requests for testimony from David Simas, director of the White House Office of Political Strategy and Outreach.

“Mr Simas and, in fact, everyone working for the President is absolutely immune from any demands Congress or the Judicial branch might seek to impose,” Eggleston contended. “To hold otherwise would undermine the President’s authority to rule this country.”

“It would also be unfair to those attempting to carry out the President’s wishes if they were to be held answerable to any other center of power within the government,” Eggleston added. “Their work is difficult enough without adding the complication of worry over whether what the President has ordered them to do may be illegal or not. Obedience should be their only concern and must grant them immunity from oversight.”

House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif) characterized Eggleston’s argument as “disturbing. In effect he’s saying that none of the President’s henchmen need answer to anyone other than the President. This is not the action of a limited government as conceived by the Founding Fathers.”

Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md) denounced Issa’s “persecution of the servants of the President” and maintained that “only after proof of wrongdoing should we even consider asking for testimony. The only evidence that Mr. Issa has is against former Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis. Since she is no longer with the government the whole issue is, in my opinion, moot.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Douglas takes Huppenthal to mat during GOP AZ Superintendent of Instruction Debate

By Brad McQueen, Arizona Daily Independent

Diane Douglas takes a stammering, Nixon-esque Huppenthal to the mat during the GOP AZ Superintendent of Instruction Debate

The AZ Republican Superintendent of Public Instruction candidate debate took place this past Tuesday on PBS’s Arizona Horizon, hosted by Ted Simons.

It seemed more like the famous Kennedy/Nixon debate of 1960 as a confident, well-versed Diane Douglas took the stammering, jittery, Nixon-esque John Huppenthal to the mat not only for his part in abrogating state sovereignty over education to the feds through his complicity in promoting Common Core, but for the culture of deception he has promoted and taken part in at the AZ Department of Education over the last four years.

Huppenthal’s deceptive practice of using aliases to  anonymously  post to online blogs using Department of Education computers to not only attack his opponents but support his own policies is discussed right off the bat. Rather than apologize publicly to Arizona’s parents and children for his shady behavior unbecoming of our state’s “chief educator”, Huppenthal compares his deceptive behavior to our Founding Fathers under the guise of his exercising his right to freedom of speech.

I have a hard time seeing George Washington or Benjamin Franklin looking down on Huppenthal’s behavior with anything but contempt. Diane Douglas, a former Peoria school board president and a straight-talker, is having none of this.

She instead admonishes Huppenthal for his unrepentant attitude and puts forth that Arizona’s parents and kids deserve a chief educator that they can look up to and trust. Diane Douglas continues by recounting that Huppenthal’s treasuring of the right to expression obviously does not extend to teachers and state employees who disagree with the Department of Education, alluding to my treatment by the Dept. of Ed when I voiced my opposition to the Common Core.

Diane Douglas also mentions not only Huppenthal’s office attempt at intimidating me, but also their blackballing me from further contract work on state assessments due to my opposition to Common Core as was documented extensively with internal emails obtained by the AZ Daily Independent. The moderator also asks Huppenthal how he can repair trust with black and Hispanic children after his, what some have called, racially charged anonymous blog posts.

Again, eyes down like a scolded child, he stammers through a jumbled non-answer about South Tucson kids, because we all know that “they” all live in the south side of town, eh Huppenthal? The debate is then steered towards Common Core, which Huppenthal immediately tries to distance himself from, calling it something he “inherited” from his predecessor.

Diane Douglas reminds Huppenthal that he wrote a letter in support of Arizona’s adoption of the Common Core as an AZ State Senator, as she dangles a copy of the said letter for Huppenthal to see, as he averts her gaze like a child caught in yet another lie. Huppenthal may have “inherited” the Common Core dress, but he’s been wearing it with pride, no doubt as he blogs anonymously into the wee hours of the morning, ever since as he has become its chief proponent/mouthpiece with the full-throated backing of the AZ Chamber of Commerce whose customers are big business, not our kids.

One thing Huppenthal did inherit was former Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne’s abolishment of the social justice focused Ethnic Studies program at the Tucson Unified School District (TUSD).  The final court battle took place under Huppenthal’s watch, yet Huppenthal takes full credit for defeating this racist program as a conservative feather in his cap.

Diane Douglas continues to hammer at the Common Core pointing out that the copyright to the standards is owned by two private companies in Washington, D.C., rather than owned and controlled by the state of Arizona as were our previous learning standards.

Diane Douglas goes on to also mention that the Common Core is more than new learning standards, rather they are a whole host of federal mandates that Huppenthal and Governor Brewer agreed to implement in our state in exchange for a pittance of federal money.

Diane Douglas also mentions one of the most insidious components of Common Core, the NSA-like data suctioning systems, which suction all manner of data about our school kids and their families directly to the U.S. Department of Education and to a potential multitude of private companies and government agencies without parent permission or notification.

Huppenthal chose not to address this component of Common Core. The candidates then give a brief closing statement to end the debate. Huppenthal continues stammering away like a jack hammer, his brow glowing with perspiration, about opposing liberal Obama education policies and supporting conservative policies.

Newsflash: Common Core is a liberal Obama policy.  In what world would a true conservative give away state control of education to the federal government through the implementation of Common Core?

The answer is, in the world of John Huppenthal where imaginary characters called “Thucydides” and “Falcon9” deceptively post late into the night on government issued computers on blog sites and who knows where else, that’s where.

In Diane Douglas’s closing statement she, as she always does during her campaign events, focuses squarely on the needs of Arizona’s kids and their parents when she says, “God gave children as a gift to their parents,” and they know what is best as their chief protectors and educators, not a bureaucrat in Phoenix or Washington, D.C. She also promises to make the Department of Education and the position of Superintendent of Public Instruction respected once again for looking out for the interests of Arizona’s kids and parents as it restores trust in teachers to do their jobs in the classroom.

Arizona’s children and their parents deserve so much better than the state/national embarrassment in the form of the serial deceiver, John Huppenthal, as their chief educator.  Fortunately, Diane Douglas is a candidate in the GOP primary for AZ Superintendent of Public Instruction and, on August 26, we now have a clear alternative of competency and hope.

Presidential Preference: Senator Cruz, Dr. Carson

Dear Republican National Committee:

This short letter is to inform you of our 2016 presidential candidate preference. We recommend the following two men as acceptable — and highly capable! — candidates:

U.S. Senator Ted Cruz

Dr. Benjamin Carson

Both of these men are well qualified to lead our nation. They understand the Constitution, they know the problems wrought on us by socialism and other failed Democrat policies. Both offer the best possible chances of correcting the destructive course of the current administration and leading responsibly and effectively.

We offer the following individuals as unacceptable presidential candidates:

Jeb Bush

Gov. Chris Christie

 

Gov. Brewer Endorsing RINOs

With the Arizona primary election only a few weeks away, lame duck Gov. Jan Brewer is endorsing every liberal Republican she can find.

Brewer endorsed RINO State Senator Michele Reagan for secretary of state: “I’ve had the pleasure of working with Senator Reagan for years crafting sound public policy for Arizona.”

Crafting sound policy? Not for the unborn children the abortion-supporting Reagan would condemn to death with her unyielding support of abortion.

It is crucial that Reagan not be elected secretary of state. If a governor does not complete his/her term, the secretary of state becomes governor. This is how Brewer gained the governor’s office.

Brewer endorsed Sen. Bob Worsley, the RINO who called Arizona “a police state.” Worsley also voted for HB 1062, then cowardly switched sides when the radical homofascists started screaming. They also stampeded Gov. Brewer into fearfully vetoing the religious freedom bill.

The governor endorsed RINO Rep. Heather Carter: “I am honored to endorse Representative Heather Carter in her re-election campaign for the Arizona House of Representatives. In the face of the worst economic downturn in our state’s history, Heather Carter has continuously proven to be a conservative leader, fighting for commonsense economic policies and smaller, responsible government.”

However, in Rep. Carter’s House tenure, she has earned a dubious failing grade from Americans from Prosperity: “friend of big government.”

Incidentally, this is the same failing grade Gov. Brewer earned from Americans for Prosperity, a watchdog group for taxpayers.

I had Masha Gessen’s dream of five parents… and it sucked

By Jennifer Johnson, Director of Outreach for the Ruth Institute
Around March of 2013 I came across the words of a prominent LGBT activist named Masha Gessen:
I have three kids who have five parents, more or less, and I don’t see why they shouldn’t have five parents legally… I would like to live in a legal system that is capable of reflecting that reality, and I don’t think that’s compatible with the institution of marriage.

 

Imagine having five parents! Here’s what it means: it means going back and forth between all those households on a regular basis, never having a single place to call home during your most tender and vulnerable years. It means having divided Christmases, other holidays, and birthdays–you spend one with one parent, and another with the other parent, never spending a single holiday or birthday with both parents. Imagine having each of your parents completely ignore the other half of you, the other half of your family, as if it did not even exist. Meanwhile, imagine each parent pouring their energy into their new families and creating a unified home for their new children. These experiences give you the definite impression of being something leftover, something not quite part of them. You live like that on a daily basis for 18+ years.

Does this look like a fun way to spend your childhood?

 

I don’t have to imagine, because I had five parents. I had five parents because my mom and dad divorced when I was about three; my mom remarried once and my dad remarried twice. So I had a mom and two step-moms, and a dad and one step-dad. In this day and age children can already have five parents. That’s how badly marriage has deteriorated already. The main difference between what Gessen advocates and my experience is that my step parents were not legal parents; she advocates for all of the adults in her situation to be legal parents.

 

Having more than two legal parents will be a nightmare for a child. Of course, I am making the reasonable assumption that the legal parents will not be living under the same roof, because there is no longer any societal accountability for adults to create a unified home for children. Thus, adding additional legal parents will create more disruption for children’s daily lives, more chaos, more confusion, less unity. And why are we doing this? So that adults can have the sexual partners they want.

Masha Gessen had a mom and a dad, so it appears that she benefitted from the socially conservative family structure--it appears she was not raised under the family structure she advocates. That sounds about right. I’ve talked to many people who think deconstructing the family in favor of adult sexual choice is a good thing… and these very same people lived under the socially conservative family structure with their one mom who spent her life with their one dad, and they all lived together in their unified home. Since I lived under the family structure they advocate, I will sometimes ask them: would you trade childhoods with me? They either say no or they don’t reply.

 If what I had is so great, then why don’t they want it as children? Here’s my conclusion: they want it as adults but not as children. They want the benefits of the socially conservative family structure when they are children. But as adults, they want sexual freedom, or at least they want to appear “open minded” and “tolerant” about others sexual choices, even at the expense of children, even though they themselves would never want to live under what they advocate. It’s a bizarre sort of a “win-win” for them, I guess.

 It’s very painful for me to have conversations with these people. They don’t understand what they advocate, and they don’t seem to want to understand.

Administration Requests Budget Increase for Immigrant Bedding

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Asserting that “it would be inhumane for us to force these innocent immigrant children to sleep on substandard beds,” Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell has requested an appropriation of “$1,000 per migrant in order to fund minimally acceptable accommodations.”

“Many of these immigrant children have already suffered from improper sleeping arrangements for most of their lives,” Burwell said. “In the countries they come from it is common for multiple children to be crammed into a single bed of straw, be slung on hammocks, or simply left to sleep on the ground.”

Burwell characterized the “military style cots and bunks we have been providing for them sends a message that says they’re not really welcome in America, that their stay here is temporary and that a good night’s sleep isn’t a right we are willing to extend to these refugees.”

While acknowledging that $1,000 is more than many Americans spend on a bed, Burwell argued that “Americans are free to decide how much to invest in their sleep arrangements, these children are not. These immigrants are desperately poor. Many are plagued with debilitating diseases. They don’t have the means or education to select proper bedding. It is our obligation to do that for them.”

President’s Texas Itinerary Defended

President Obama has faced criticism for refusing to visit sites in Texas where hordes of illegal immigrants have been flooding into the country. The criticism has been especially pointed in light of the fact that he has traveled to the state to participate in political fund raisers at the home of Austin-based filmmaker Robert Rodriguez and two other in-state locations.

Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest explained that “the President’s presence at the border would not be a good use of his time. It’s not as if anything he might see there is going to change his mind about immigration reform. The people on the ground there that he might meet—Border Patrol agents and local politicians—have a peculiarly narrow perspective. They’re going to urge him to do more to secure the border. He doesn’t need to hear this advice.”

“On top of this it has been widely reported that many of these immigrants are carriers of serious and infectious diseases,” Earnest pointed out. “It would be imprudent for the most important person in the world to be needlessly exposed to such a risk.”

“While many of those critical of the President are willing to make light of his assiduous efforts to raise funds for the Democratic Party, there can be no debating that this is an obviously higher priority for him than putting on a show of concern for a crisis he is ill-disposed to resolve,” Earnest contended. “If Democrats are under funded control of Congress could pass to Republicans. That would be a much more serious consequence for the President’s agenda than anything that might transpire from the influx of even millions of new immigrants.”

Dems Seek Legislation to Overturn Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby Ruling

Outraged by what they characterized as the Supreme Court’s improper application of the Constitution’s freedom of religion clause in the Hobby Lobby case, Senate Democrats are drafting a bill to overturn the Court’s ruling.

Sponsor of the bill, Senator Patty Murray (D-Wash) declared that “a boss’s role in health care is confined to paying for it. He has no business deciding that he won’t pay for certain medical therapies because they offend his sense of morality. My bill restores the full authority over which medical treatments will or won’t be covered to the government where it belongs.”

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) sought to bolster the legislative push, saying that “the Constitution protects an individual’s right to believe and worship as he sees fit. If an individual thinks there is a conflict between his beliefs and what the law requires him to do he is free to continue to believe what he wants, but he must still obey the laws passed by Congress. The right that is protected is a mental right to hold a belief not a blank check for non-compliant behavior.”

“Where the Court went wrong was in allowing an employer’s opposition to abortion to negate his obligation to fund this medical treatment,” Schumer continued. “In America the right to an abortion is an inalienable right possessed by every woman. This means that no one can refuse to acknowledge this right or attempt to impede a woman’s exercise of this right under the procedures stipulated by statute. The Affordable Care Act says that it is the employer’s duty to pay for a woman’s exercise of this right. If this troubles the employer’s conscience, well, no one has to operate a business if the tasks assigned by government conflict with his religious beliefs.”

Hillary Clinton’s Early Legal Work Stirs Controversy

The emergence of an audio tape of a young Hillary Clinton bragging about helping a rapist get off easy has jarred her image as an advocate for women’s rights. It seems that Clinton succeeded in discrediting the rapist’s accuser even though she was convinced that he was guilty. When a panel of liberal pundits on MSNBC appeared to agree that Clinton seemed insensitive and cavalier on the tape, the aspiring 2016 presidential candidate tried her hand at damage control.

“First of all, let me remind everyone that this tape was made 40 years ago,” she pointed out. “It’s old news. The minor child who was raped is now an old woman. She survived the experience. Raking up the story at this late date could only cause her pain I’m sure she’d rather forget.”

“Secondly, let’s not lose sight of the skill I demonstrated in that case,” Clinton added. “Even the most inept lawyer can get an innocent defendant off. Getting a guilty client off, though, requires much more cunning and effort. The fate of the relatively unimportant principals in that case is of less significance than the part it played in helping me ascend to a leading role in the governance of this country in the decades that followed.”

Mexico and Guatemala Reach Accord to Expedite Transit of More Illegals to the US

This week Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and Guatemalan President Otto Perez Molina held a joint press conference to announce they have reached an accord to cooperate in the shipment of more illegal migrants from Central America to the United States.

“This agreement is a win-win for both of our countries,” Peña boasted. “Guatemala rids itself of people they cannot adequately care for. By assuring that these migrants have guaranteed transportation through Mexico we avoid becoming the repository of these undesirables.”

Perez insisted that “we are only responding to America’s invitation to send our tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to live free. We do not have the means to enable these people to live for free in our country. America, though, is wealthy. It is long past time for them to share their wealth with our less fortunate children.”

Peña speculated that “given enough time we may inject a sufficient number of Latinos into the United States to peacefully and democratically reverse the conquest of our ancient lands by the United States in the 19th century. Many Americans are ignorant of the fact that their great President Lincoln condemned this conquest as unjust. Righting this wrong by whatever means we can is long overdue.”

Hamas Counters Israeli Efforts to Reduce Collateral Damage

Israel’s attempts to minimize collateral damage while seeking to respond to Hamas’ repeated missile launches against Israeli civilians were sternly countered by Hamas this week. While Israel has been warning Palestinian civilians of impending air strikes in order to prompt them to move out of targeted areas, Hamas has forbidden civilians from taking Israeli advice.

Hamas’ Khaled Meshaal explained that “it is every Palestinian’s duty to sacrifice himself if required to do so in our never ending battle against the Jewish occupiers. The Jews would like nothing better than to separate our fighters from the women and children who we honor by making them our shields.”

Meshaal urged Palestinian civilians “to grasp the opportunity to become a dead martyr for a glorious cause rather than accept the sordid fate of a live refugee from Jewish aggression.” Meanwhile, it has been reported that Hamas combat units have used the Israeli warnings to vacate targeted zones.

Obamacare Costs Comparisons “Unfair”

A recent report from the Manhattan Institute showing that Obamacare has raised insurance costs by 52% to 119% was rejected as an “unfair comparison” by Health and Human Services Secretary Silvia Burwell.

“Policies under the Affordable Care Act cost more because they cover more,” she maintained. “Many of the policies available before the ACA was in place didn’t cover preventive care like birth control or abortion. Virtually none of them covered gender-reassignment surgery. So of course those policies were cheaper.”

“The Manhattan Institute study overlooks the added value achieved by the ACA,” the Secretary asserted. “Their before and after analysis is, therefore, misleading. We are confident that when the American people comprehend the broader coverage we’ve given them under the ACA they’ll thank the Democratic Party at the polls in November.

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Cong. Franks Speaks on Obama’s ‘Act of Cowardice and Betrayal’

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congressman Trent Franks (AZ-08), co-chair of the Congressional Israel Allies Caucus and a ranking Republican member of the House Armed Services Committee, today took to the House floor to slam Obama for an “unprecedented act of cowardice and betrayal” in the Administration’s response (or lack thereof) to the barrage of rockets that have been launched at Israel this week. Video of the full one-minute floor speech and a transcript is included below:

Transcript

Mr. Speaker, last month, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas openly united with the evil terrorist group, Hamas, and this very moment they are raining rockets down upon the innocent citizens of Israel. Half of all Israelis have sought cover in bomb shelters across their tiny country. And the Obama Administration has had the reprehensible gall to praise Abbas as someone who is “committed to non-violence and … cooperation with Israel,” and to further proclaim in an Israeli newspaper that, quote “Finally, peace is possible!”

Mr. Speaker, I thought nothing this president could say or do would surprise me anymore, but his flushed and breathless rush to embrace terrorists launching rockets at Israeli children is an unprecedented act of cowardice and betrayal.

America’s fleet should this minute be off the coast of Israel, and the world, including Abbas, Hamas, and Hezbollah, should know that America’s arsenal of freedom stands ready to defend our most precious ally in the world.

CAP: Hobby Lobby and 1062

By Cathi Herrod, President, Center for Arizona Policy

The U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to affirm the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) rights of the Green Family (who own Hobby Lobby) and the Hahn family (who own Conestoga Wood Specialties) had a very real tie to Arizona’s SB 1062.

One of the primary purposes CAP supported SB 1062 was to clarify Arizona’s own Religious Freedom Restoration Act to ensure that every Arizonan is not forced to surrender their religious beliefs merely because they start a business.

In the majority opinion, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito echoed this fundamental principle when he wrote:

“Business practices compelled or limited by the tenets of a religious doctrine fall comfortably within the understanding of the “exercise of religion” that this Court set out in Employment Div., Dept. of Human Resources of Ore. v. Smith.

Any suggestion that for-profit corporations are incapable of exercising religion because their purpose is simply to make money flies in the face of modern corporate law.”

Make no mistake, this was no small victory for religious freedom, but it also is not the final word. There is still much to be done to ensure every Arizonan is free to live and work according to their faith.

As with SB 1062, opponents have launched a massive misinformation campaign about the decision. Take time to understand what government mandates were objectionable to the Green and Hahn families. The federal government attempted to compel the family-owned businesses to provide and pay for abortion medication in their employee health insurance plans. Hobby Lobby did not object to providing 16 of 20 contraceptive medications mandated by the government – it’s the other four that can function to cause an abortion that were objectionable.

See the Movie ‘America’!

Hobby Lobby Wage Boost Rankles Democrats

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104With the liability of being forced to finance employees’ abortions taken off its back by the recent Supreme Court voiding of the Obamacare mandate, Hobby Lobby announced it is raising the minimum wage of its full-time employees to $14.50 per hour.

Aspiring presidential candidate Hillary Clinton dubbed the move “a callous and insensitive slap in the face to American women. This company went to a lot of effort to deny its responsibility to insure the reproductive health of its female employees. Now that they’ve won a totally unfair verdict in court they’re insulting these imperiled women by investing the costs averted into boosting the pay of their entire workforce. This is wrong on so many levels.”

One of these levels according to Clinton is “the attempt to destroy worker solidarity. The timing of the hike in wages conveys the message that the benefits the Government is trying to secure for women impede the pay the company is able to offer other employees. This insidiously pits one employee against another and undermines the incentive for all to band together against management for the common good.”

Another wrong cited by Clinton was “a blatant disrespect for the role Government is trying to play in raising the minimum wage across the board. The $14.50 figure exceeds the $10.10 targeted by Congressional Democrats in the Fair Minimum Wage Act (HR 1010). In effect, Hobby Lobby’s management is telling their employees that the Government’s efforts are irrelevant. If left unchecked it could create an environment where each company’s labor and management are persuaded that wages are a private rather than a public issue.”

Sponsor of HR 1010, Representative George Miller (D-Calif) lamented “the negative impact this rogue decision by an arrogant employer will have on our push to enact a federal hike of the minimum wage. Hobby Lobby has parlayed its triumph over the Government’s Affordable Care Act into an opportunity to flout its independence from our regulatory power over wages.”

Feds Say Businesses Can’t Require Employees to Speak or Understand English

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is suing Wisconsin Plastics, Inc. of Green Bay, Wisconsin for discriminating against non-native persons by insisting that employees must be conversant in English in order to hold jobs with the company.

Jacqueline Berrien, EEOC Chairperson dismissed the possibility that some minimal competence in the English language might be a legitimate skill required of an employee. “Whether an employee understands English is a matter of convenience for the business,”:Berrien explained. “Granted, conducting business in a single language might be more efficient. But the individual’s right to speak whatever language he chooses is a human right. And human rights take precedence over economic efficiency.”

“The employer has the option of hiring translators to act as intermediaries between workers and managers who speak different languages,” Berrien pointed out. “They can also purchase insurance to cover any damages that might occur due to mishaps springing from miscommunications rooted in language barriers.”

Berrien conceded that barring firms from requiring English comprehension among employees would raise the cost of doing business, but insisted that “this is a small price to pay for preserving individual human rights. Besides, the extra costs imposed on Wisconsin Plastics would be offset by the added employment of translators, insurance vendors, and tort lawyers.”

President Urges Israel to Exercise Restraint

This week’s discovery of the decomposing bodies of the three Israeli teenagers kidnapped and murdered by members of the Hamas terror organization last week sparked diverse reactions from key leaders.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu vowed retribution. Hamas’s Khalad Mashaal blessed the hands of the murderers. President Obama urged Israeli leaders to “exercise restraint and not take action that would destabilize the situation.”

While admitting that “from a Western perspective the murder of innocent civilians appears an inexcusable atrocity,” President Obama cautioned that “this is not the only perspective worthy of consideration. As the Palestinians see it, all Jews living in the region are legitimate targets. Given that Hamas is too weak to directly confront the Israeli Army its tactic of striking at softer targets is understandable.”

“From a historical point of view, Jews being victimized has been pretty much the norm all over the world,” Obama recalled. “That is the stable condition. Jews striking back is abnormal and, as such, would tend to be destabilizing. I think the Israeli leaders should weigh accepting a few casualties as the price of preserving stability rather than flying off the handle and risking a greater loss of life on both sides.”

While Obama was eager to dampen down Israeli outrage over the murder of the Jewish teenagers he seemed to have no qualms about inflaming Palestinian passions over the murder of Arab teen Mohammed Abu Khdeir, calling this crime “heinous.” Secretary of State John Kerry added that “there are no words to convey adequately our condolences to the Palestinian people.”

Though Hamas, Obama, and Kerry appear to have assumed Khdeir was killed in retaliation for the murdered Jewish teens, suspicion has arisen that he may have been killed by his own family members for dishonoring them via his gay lifestyle.

Senator Suggests President “Borrow” Power to Solve Immigration Problem

Senator Dick Durbin (D-Ill) suggests that President Obama “borrow some of the unused legislative power Congress is sitting on to solve the immigration problem.”

“I know some of my Republican friends across the aisle will insist that the power to enact laws is exclusively reserved to Congress under our Constitution,” Durbin acknowledged. “However, an even older common law principle is that a right left dormant for an extended period lapses and may be taken up by a more energetic party. The need for immigration reform has been known for a long time, yet Congress has neglected to pass legislation. So it seems to me that Congress has effectively abandoned its property in legislative authority. Why shouldn’t the President borrow this authority and do what Congress has failed to do?”

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) promised that any attempt by the President to further infringe on legislative prerogatives would be added to the lawsuit he is planning to bring against his usurpation of authority. “We may be powerless to stop this country’s slide into tyranny,” Boehner said. “But I want us to go on record as not in favor.”

Doctor/Patient Confidentiality Gains New Partner

It used to be that what transpires between a doctor and patient was considered confidential. Under the Affordable Care Act the Government has now been added as a participant in observing communications between doctor and patient.

Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell justified the expansion of those in the know as “only prudent. The Affordable Care Act has made the federal government responsible for the health of everyone in America. We can’t adequately do that job if information on anyone’s condition is withheld from us.”

“Unenlightened individuals may think that their health is their own concern,” Burwell said. “They may think consulting a doctor is purely their own decision. But the ACA has transformed health from any individual responsibility into a social responsibility. All—patient, doctor, and Government—must cooperate in an assessment of what actions, treatments, and medications best serve the collective interests of the nation.”

“The information passed along to us by the doctor will be analyzed in order to determine what course best meets the needs of the whole,” Burwell continued. “In some cases this will entail surgery or medications. In some cases it will entail mandatory behavioral adjustments. In others benign neglect akin to that practiced by the Veterans’ Administration may be the best option for culling the weakest from the aggregate national family.”

Congressman Barred from Immigrant Holding Area

Representative Jim Bridenstine’s (R-Okla) attempt to gain some first-hand knowledge on the 1200 illegal immigrant minors housed in his Congressional District was blocked by officials of the Department of Health and Human Services.

“It’s for the Congressman’s own good,” Health and Human Services Secretary Silva Burwell insisted. “Many of these youngsters are carrying infectious diseases and parasites. We cannot allow unnecessary contact with unauthorized persons.”

Bridenstine was advised to come back after July 21. “By that time all of the children will have been placed with other families or in shelters more suitable for the longer term,” Burwell said. “It will then be safe for the Congressman to enter the facility and ask whatever questions he wants.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

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