President Declares Independence from Congress

By John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Frustrated by his inability to get portions of his agenda passed by Congress, President Barack Obama has forged ahead making appointments and enacting programs without the Constitutionally required consent of the legislature.

The appointment of Richard Cordray to head the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau attracted the most attention. The appointment of Richard Griffin, Sharon Block and Terence Flynn to be on the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB) garnered less attention, but appears equally unconstitutional. The President also initiated a summer youths jobs program that Congress previously rejected.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) criticized the appointments and single-handed enactment of the rejected youth program as “affronts to Congress’ Constitution role as a check on excessive Executive power.”

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) pointed out that Obama’s own Department of Justice has argued before the Supreme Court that the “recess appointment authority claimed by the President does not suit these cases.”

Obama dismissed GOP complaints as “wailing in the wind. I can’t sit around and let important work languish just because some others may be opposed. The people ofAmericaelected me as their ruler and expect me to get things done. Obstructionists in Congress can’t seriously think I will be deterred by their whining If they want to try to do anything about it, well, the ball is in their court.”

McConnell admitted that he was not sanguine about Congress’ options for opposing this power grab. “Inasmuch as Congress recently approve sweeping Executive authority to detain anyone the President deems a threat, I don’t see that we have much latitude for action,” McConnell said. “None of us wants to end up in Gitmo.”

First Lady Requests to Be Addressed as “Your Excellency”

First Lady Michelle Obama expressed a desire that heretofore, those wishing to speak to her address her as “Your Excellency.” Apprised that the nation’s first president, George Washington rebuffed attempts to address him as “Your Excellency” in favor of the simpler band more modest “Mr. President,” the First Lady responded that “since Washington didn’t rank among our top presidents maybe he didn’t feel so excellent.”

It was just a few weeks ago that Michelle’s husband, President Barack Obama, ranked himself as the nation’s fourth best President—behind only Lyndon Johnson, Franklin Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln. George Washington didn’t even qualify for an “honorable mention.”

Pro Football Players’ Union Opposes Indiana Right-to-Work Law

The National Football League’s Players’ Association (NFLPA) warnedIndianalegislators not to pass a “right-to-work” law in their state. The proposed legislation would bar making union membership a requirement for holding a job.

Despite statistical data indicating that economic growth rates and per capita income growth is faster in states that have right-to-work laws, the NFLPA assailed such laws as “the wrong priority for Indiana. These laws undermine the incentive to place teamwork ahead of personal success. They reward selfishness rather than the  solidarity and sacrifice that has helped make the NFL the glue that holds our civilization together.”

While acknowledging that “the average working man could not hope to reap the kind of rewards from the kind of compulsory unionization that has so richly benefited the members of our organization, he can still be a team player by urging his elected representative to vote against this legislation,” the NFLPA statement read. “We need to stand on principle here and recognize that when it comes right down to it, a person’s right to be a member of a union, whether he wants to or not, must not be restricted.”

President Makes Top Ten List

President Barack Obama made Judicial Watch’s list of 2011’s “Ten Most Corrupt” politicians. Judicial Watch is a public policy organization that focuses on malfeasance, misfeasance, influence peddling and graft among government officials ( It is the fifth straight year that Obama has made the list.

The key accomplishment for the President’s ascendancy this past year was the $500 million flop of the Solyndra Corp. The Obama Administration reversed a Bush Administration decision and awarded tax dollars to this poorly run company as payback to a major Obama campaign donor named George Kaiser.

Undeterred by the sordid facts, Obama continues to insist that the waste of taxpayer money “was a noble experiment aimed at a better future for our planet.”

Additional achievements contributing to the President’s place on the list included under-the-table funding for ACORN despite a Congressional ban and abusing NLRB authority in an effort to reward Democratic Party-backing unions by impeding Boeing from opening a plant in a right-to-work state.

Prison sentences handed out to Obama’sChicagoassociates Tony Rezko and former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich add additional luster to the President’s ranking among others on the top ten list.

Top Ten Most Corrupt co-list member Representative Maxine Waters (D-CA) cautioned observers to realize that the list is arranged alphabetically. “The only reason why the President shows up ahead of me is because his name—Obama—comes before mine—Waters—in the alphabet,” Waters pointed out. “It doesn’t mean that he’s better than me or has done more than I have to warrant his spot on this list.”

The President said, “I detect a slight aroma of ‘sour grapes’ in Maxine’s remarks. Let’s not overlook the fact that Attorney General Eric Holder also made the list. Inasmuch as he works for me, I don’t think it’s out of line for me to claim some of the credit for his inclusion on the list. Clearly, reasonable people will have to conclude that were the list to be in order of merit I would most certainly place ahead of her.”

Chevy Volt among Worst Product Flops of 2011

Pitched to the American voter as the vanguard of a “greener” future, the heavily subsidized Chevy Volt was dubbed one of the worst product flops of 2011 by Yahoo Finance’s 24/7 Wall Street site. The low sales volume—an estimated 8,000 vehicles for 2011 (all of which are currently under recall notices to correct defects)–has made the effective unit cost for each car amount to around $250,000.

Representative Hansen Clarke (D-Mich) insists that “despite the reluctance of the American driver to buy these cars we must not falter in our efforts to make them understand the necessity for government’s role in ensuring the Volt’s survival. Its not just about dollars and cents. Sure there are cars that get better mileage and have superior performance characteristics, but our government is backing the Volt. If we want to be good citizens and patriotic Americans we need to put the government’s choice ahead of our own selfish preferences.”

United Autoworkers Local 22 President, George McGregor, argued that “people who are loyal to the President will put the good of the country ahead of their own private interests. Just because you can buy a better car for less money shouldn’t deter you from getting behind the President’s push for the Volt. Jobs are at stake. Isn’t that more important than whether your personal vehicle is the best value?”

Whether increased sales of the Volt would have a significant impact on jobs within theUSis in doubt. General Motors is reportedly planning on moving production of the vehicle toChina.

Agency Says High School Diploma May Not Be Used as Hiring Requirement

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is warning employers that requiring new hires to have a high school diploma violates federal law.

“The deplorable performance and almost total lack of standards exhibited by the nation’s public schools cast a pall of considerable doubt over the equity and utility of using high school graduation as a criteria for employing a person,” declared Daniel Blunt, spokesman for the EEOC.

“Supposing a person has a diploma, what does this signify?” Blunt asked. “Standardized tests reveal that a remarkably large percentage of high school graduates are distressingly stupid. Even if graduates are less stupid than non-graduates as a general rule, using a diploma as a purported screening device is still suspect.”

“Supposing a person lacks a diploma, does this mean he or she doesn’t need a job?” Blunt continued. “I’d argue that those without diplomas are among the most needy. Employers have no right to reject these people just because it might cost them money if they hire an incompetent person. It should be clear by now that this Administration will not allow pursuit of profit, performance, or efficiency to trample human rights.”

In place of using a high school diploma as a guide to hiring practices, the EEOC advised employers to develop “job-related” criteria. Whether an employer’s adopted criteria is adequately job-related is a judgment that the EEOC reserves the right to make on a case-by-case basis. Employers are cautioned against assuming they can simply copy criteria the EEOC has previously approved for similarly situated firms.

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