Voters Say Free Stuff Better than Freedom

By John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Despite polling data indicating that over 60 percent of those surveyed see GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney’s concern about Americans becoming too dependent on government as valid, most still say they will vote to reelect Obama.

“As a general proposition, it might be a bad thing for people to become too dependent on the government,” said one poll respondent. “But this whole freedom thing is kind of abstract compared to actually getting stuff for free. I mean, take the 10 million free phones the government has given out. A phone is something I can hold in my hand. I can use it to call my friends, play video games, download tunes—you know, have fun.”

“Freedom might have been important to people when they were fighting taxation without representation in 1776, but what’s that to me here and now?” asked another poll respondent. “I don’t have to pay taxes, but I still get to vote. My vote counts just as much as the sap who has to work. Shouldn’t I use it to keep the free stuff coming?”

In related news, Stephanie Cutter, deputy campaign manager for President Barack Obama’s 2012 reelection effort bragged that “Democrats have locked up the women’s vote. We’re giving them free birth control and free cell phones—two items of critical importance to the modern woman. The Republicans offer what—lower taxes, fewer regulations? Even if we were to concede that these are desirable—which we don’t—they’d provide equal benefits for men. Why should any woman vote for that?”

President Says His Economic Performance No Worse than FDR’s

Buoyed by polls showing him pulling away from his opponent, President Barack Obama says “it’s time for all patriotic Americans to rally for the common good by giving me four more years.”

The President acknowledged that “things may be tough for many of you, but whatever setbacks you may have experienced are just bumps in the road compared to the existential threat to this country that is posed by the risk that I might not prevail on election day.”

The President declared that the latest report showing extraordinary weakness in the nation’s economy “reemphasizes the importance of continuing the work I’ve done since January 2009. Just as voters reelected FDR in the midst of worse economic news in 1936 than we face today, I’m asking for the same vote of confidence.”

MSNBC pundit Chris Matthews said he found President Obama’s position persuasive and asserted that “failure to reelect him could only be due to racism, inasmuch as Roosevelt was reelected with an unemployment rate double the 8% we have today. How could we justify holding our first African-American President to a higher standard than a rich white man? We can’t unless we truly are racists.”

In the 1936 presidential election, Franklin Roosevelt crushed his Republican opponent Alf Landon, winning over 60% of the popular vote and the electoral votes of every state but Maine and Vermont. Obama Campaign adviser David Axelrod said he doubted that Obama would be able to duplicate the feat due to “GOP slander, vote fraud and the barely concealed racism of so many Republican voters.”

Michelle Obama Unfazed by Student Lunch Boycott

Students at ParsippanyHillsHigh School in New Jersey say they are planning a boycott to protest new lunch guidelines stemming from First Lady Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign. Under the guidelines portions are smaller, there is less meat and bread and more vegetables. Students say the meals are too skimpy and leave them feeling hungry.

“The problem is too many of our nation’s children are obese,” the First Lady said. “Left to their own devices too many teens are over-eating. Parents aren’t doing their jobs. So, we are using our leverage to take up the slack.”

The “leverage” is federal aid that subsidizes the school lunches. “If the government is going to pay for these meals it has the responsibility and the right to control the menu,” Michelle insisted. “Those who want to eat more than we have determined is healthy can pay for their additional food with their own money.”

The possibility of a boycott was rated “no big deal” by the First Lady. “Refusing to eat also helps fight obesity. Studies have shown that calorie restriction helps prolong lives. Much as we may make fun of places like North Korea, the fact is that the starvation being imposed on the population by the government probably benefits everyone over the long term.”

In related news, Barack Obama is touting the presidential prospects for his wife. “She’s an incredible person and an incredible talent,” Barack bragged. “It would be a great sacrifice for her, but I’m confident she would put the nation’s welfare ahead of her own preferences if circumstances required it. Besides, seeing how slowly things have moved since I got here it might well take another eight years to get the job done. So, those who trusted in me may want to ensure that my policies are carried on by such means.”

Administration Unimpressed by Netanyahu’s UN Speech

Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s speech to the United Nations about the danger posed by Iran’s acquisition of nuclear weapons was called unimpressive by Obama Administration spokesman Tommy Vietor.

“Netanyahu’s voice is merely one among many,” Vietor pointed out. “On top of that he speaks for a tiny minority of the region’s population, most of which hold diametrically opposite views. His self-serving brief for the interests of this minority need to be juxtaposed against the conflicting interests of the majority. I think the President was on target when he characterized Netanyahu’s fears as ‘noise’ he tries to ignore.”

Vietor questioned “whether it might be the time for us to consider how best to serve the greater good of the greater number. The persistence of this Jewish minority in the region is a major irritant. Others have advanced the idea that peace would be more likely to reign if this irritant were eliminated. Seventy years ago there was no Jewish state in the region. Maybe that was a good thing.”

In related news, the US State Department issued a belated apology to passengers of the MS St. Louis, a German steamer carrying nearly 1,000 Jewish refugees that were denied entry into the US in 1939. “We realize that this may seem ‘too little, too late,’” admitted Deputy Secretary of State Bill Burns, who asked critics to try to understand FDR’s predicament. “President Roosevelt was headed for a tough reelection in 1940. He was going for an unprecedented third term. He couldn’t afford to lose the anti-Semitic vote. And, in the final analysis, the 1,000, or so Jews that died as a result was minuscule compared to the six million total.”

Feds Restrict Sales of Nobama Beer

The Huebert Brewing Company’s novelty brew “Nobama Beer” has been a roaring success in Oklahoma. Company owner, Rick Huebert would like to sell nationwide, but has been denied permission to do so by the federal Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB).

Huebert says his original written application requesting nationwide distribution rights was altered by TTB official Kent Martin’s penciled-in “this product is only for sale in the state of Oklahoma.” “The demand is there,” Huebert maintained. “Inventory is flying off our shelves. I’m hiring people. Isn’t this the kind of growth the economy needs?”

“The decision to ban nationwide sales was deemed necessary in order to prevent an unacceptable in-kind benefit to the Romney campaign against the President,” Martin explained. “The President isn’t going to carry Oklahoma, so it’s okay to sell the beer there. But there’s no telling what damage might be done to the President’s campaign if a broader distribution is permitted.”

“You know, I didn’t have to approve it at all,” said Martin. “Letting Huebert sell it in his home state is, I think, pretty generous, considering. I mean, he’s profiteering off the name of the President. The President should get a cut of the profits. There will be time to negotiate the appropriate reallocation of these profits after the election.”

Racism to Blame for Muslim Terrorism

Tammy Duckworth, a Democratic candidate for Congress in Illinois, warns that racism is to blame for Muslim acts of terror around the world.

“Muslims wouldn’t have to riot, blow up buildings or behead anyone if we’d follow a few simple steps to allay their fears,” a hijab-wearing Duckworth contended. “For example, if women would just cover their hair they wouldn’t be seen as whores by Muslim men. The men wouldn’t be enticed and the women wouldn’t be raped.”

“It’s also a matter of respect to show sensitivity for others’ religious beliefs,” Duckworth added. “According to the Quran, Muslims are required to convert unbelievers. They can’t be good Muslims if they don’t make that effort. Graciously, Islam has given non-Muslims an alternative to conversion. They can pay the jizya—a nominal tax—and be free from having to convert.”

Duckworth says that refusal to follow the prescribed simple steps increases friction between Muslim and non-Muslim. “If we can’t bend a little we have only ourselves to blame for the consequences,” she said.

White House Takes Credit for Resolution of NFL Refs Stand-off

Football fans have President Obama to thank for the settlement of differences between the National Football League and the referees’ union says Press Secretary Jay Carney.

“This thing had been lingering on for months, but within days of the President expressing his displeasure with the quality of the replacement refs the disagreements were settled,” Carney boasted. “This is the epitome of the type of leadership we’ve come to expect from the President.”

Carney contrasted President Obama’s decisive role with that of GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney. “While millions of football fans were suffering from substandard officiating what was Romney doing?” he asked. “There was no sign that he even cared about football. He didn’t condemn any bad calls. He didn’t even profess to have watched any games. Is this the kind of man voters want occupying the White House?”

Aside from his pitch to voters to reelect the football-loving President Obama, Carney expressed the hope that the returning unionized refs would “remember that the President is a Bears fan and would really like to see them win the Super Bowl this year.”

Pelosi Says GOP Campaign Too Negative

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) contends that Republicans are “poisoning the debate” and “suffocating the issues under a barrage of facts and statistics.”

“All we are hearing from them is negativity,” Pelosi complained. “They say the economy is faltering, too many people are unemployed, taxes are too high, foreign policy is a shambles—just one unpleasant fact after another. This doesn’t lift up the country. It doesn’t boost morale.”

The Congresswoman contrasted the GOP’s negativity with the Democrats’ message of “hope and change.” “Everyday, the President is out there trying to take people’s minds off their troubles,” she said. “He is offering them a promise of a better tomorrow. He’s not wallowing in the failures of the past.”

Pelosi also faulted Romney for “fostering class warfare. He’s drawing distinctions based on whether you are a maker or a taker. President Obama, on the other hand, loves us all. He doesn’t draw lines between those who give and those who receive because he knows we’re all part of the same human family. And like a family, those who are able must work to support those who are in need. This is simple social justice.”

In related news, Census data reveals that median household income has declined by more than 8% since Obama took office. Alan Krueger, Chairman of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers dismissed this as “statistical noise that obscures the very real progress the Administration has made transforming America.”

City of Detroit Defies State Voter Law

The city of Detroit plans to remove a citizenship question from ballot applications. Under state law anyone requesting a ballot is required to check a box on a form answering the question of whether he is a citizen.

Detroit Elections Director Daniel Baxter says he doesn’t see the utility of the requirement. “It doesn’t really verify eligibility,” Baxter pointed out. “An ineligible person could simply lie and say he is a citizen.”

Secretary of State Ruth Johnson acknowledged that the check-box can’t verify eligibility, but argued that it still serves a useful purpose. “First, it informs the would-be voter that citizenship is a condition for casting a ballot,” Johnson explained. “It is by no means clear that everyone the Democratic Party buses to the polls is aware of that requirement. Second, in the event that a person files a false ballot application he is liable to prosecution. So, requiring the check-box may have the effect of deterring some illegal voting.”

Baxter wasn’t persuaded by Johnson’s argument and contended that “the emotional harm done by questioning a voter’s eligibility far outweighs the hypothetical benefits she envisions.”

President’s Pledge to Export More Jobs Hailed by China

The Chinese Government hailed President Obama’s pledge to export more jobs as “precisely the kind of conciliatory move that will help improve relations between our two countries.”

China’s Minister of Trade, Diup Yu praised the President’s “forward looking and progressive views” calling them “a breath of fresh air, especially when contrasted to Romney’s hostile attitudes.”

Administration’s Belated Admission that Libyan Attack Was Terrorism “No Biggie”

Though evidence has emerged showing that the White House knew the murder of the US Ambassador to Libya, Chris Stevens, was a terrorist attack within 24 hours of the event, it persisted in advancing a “riot over an insulting video” meme for more than two weeks. This failure to be straight with the American people is, according to Press Secretary Jay Carney “no biggie.”

“The terrorist thing has been around for a long time, what good would announcing one more episode of the lengthy story have done?” Carney wanted to know. “On the other hand, the course the Administration did take gave the President the opportunity apologize for the insulting video. This helped build bridges to our Muslim friends. The President showed himself as sympathetic to Islamic religious sensitivities in his speech to the UN. We think this will pay big dividends in the future.”

A second factor influencing the Administration’s stance was the matter of security. “Look, if the Ambassador’s death is the result of video-inspired mob violence it’s not the Administration’s fault,” Carney continued. “We didn’t even know about the video, so there was no opportunity for us to try to interdict it. But embassy and consulate security—those are the direct responsibility of the State Department. If these facilities are vulnerable to terrorist attack who do you think will get the blame? It was the President’s desire to shield Secretary Clinton from this blame as long as he could.”

Carney suggested that “the Administration’s actions were largely successful. No one was exposed during the vulnerable period. Now that interest has died down the damage to the Administration has been minimized.”

In related news, former Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader labeled Obama a “war criminal” and “worse than Bush.” “His claim to have the authority to assassinate anyone he declares an enemy of the state is a fateful stride toward tyranny that I think every person who cherishes freedom ought to oppose,” Nader said.

Judge May Block Pennsylvania Voter ID

Commonwealth Court Judge Robert Simpson says he is leaning toward blocking the use of voter ID for casting ballots in the upcoming election.

“It’s a difficult issue,” Simpson observed. “On the one hand, we have a natural desire to ensure that only eligible voters cast ballots. On the other hand, no law is perfect and there is a chance that a legitimate voter could be disenfranchised.”

Simpson said he will likely bar the ID requirement because, “I think it is better to let a thousand ineligible voters cast a ballot than to deny one legitimate voter his right to vote.” He says he reached this conclusion after he remembered that “even ineligible voters are people. And should real people be denied the right to participate in the selection of their rulers based on something as flimsy as their lacking the appropriate paperwork?”

In related news, in a test of potential identity fraud, federal investigators working for the Government Accountability Office (GAO) were able to get fraudulent driver’s licenses in all three states where they tried. “Apparently, if you’ve got a moderately plausible counterfeit ID you can dupe state licensing clerks into issuing you a driver’s license,” the report said. The US Department of Homeland Security was also chided by investigators for failing to tell states how to carry out key parts of the 2005 Real ID law. Attorney General Eric Holder argued that the report “shows the futility of trying to enforce voter ID laws. What’s the sense of having a law that’s do easy to get around?”

NAACP Seeks UN Investigation of US Election Laws

The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) demanded that the United Nations launch an investigation into the United States “racially discriminatory election laws.” At issue is the loss of voting rights for convicted felons.

“This is unfair because minorities are disproportionately affected,” Lorraine Miller, Chairperson of the NAACP national board’s advocacy and policy committee complained. “Just because a person is a criminal doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve a voice in government.”

“A democracy must reflect the views of all the people—honest and dishonest alike—if it is to be truly representative,” Miller argued. “Disenfranchising a segment of the population because it lives by a different code of ethics undermines basic democratic principles.”

While the notion that a profoundly undemocratic United Nations ought to intervene in the election procedures of one of the world’s leading democratic states might seem dubious, Miller asserted that her efforts had the support of US Attorney General Eric Holder.

In related news, a study recently completed by NorthwesternUniversity professor Aldon Morris found that “social conditions for poor and working-class Blacks have actually worsened since Obama took office. The hypothesis that merely electing a Black president would somehow automatically redound to the benefit of this racial cohort has been refuted.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

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Understand Obama’s Radical Agenda, Get Engaged, Vote Him Out

Some maintain Obama is intentionally wreaking havoc on America as part of a Cloward-Piven or Alinskyite strategy to manufacture a crisis in order to destroy the nation as we know it and rebuild it in a socialist image. Others argue Obama just believes so deeply in socialist dogma that he is impervious to the manifest evidence of its failure. Regardless of which scenario may be correct, the outcome would be the same.

Americans, even former skeptics on the right side of the aisle, should now understand how committed Obama is to his far-Left agenda. They should finally grasp how far the Left is willing to go when they’re in power. Their talk of moving past divisive partisanship is a veneer designed to cover their radical designs. They are precisely the opposite of what they hold themselves out to be: freedom loving, compassionate, pro-economic growth, bullish on America, democractic, tolerant, and compromising.

America is in a dangerously rapid nosedive under Obama’s navigation. They key to our delivery from this systematic assault is for the American people to understand Obama’s extremist agenda, to get engaged, and to do everything we can to peaceably remove him and his supporters from office at election time and replace them with Constitution-revering, liberty-loving public servants who respect the rule of law.

No matter how bleak conditions look now, we have reason for optimism, as the American people, like no other people in world history, love and appreciate the liberty bestowed upon us by our founding fathers and preserved by the blood of our patriotic ancestors.

God bless America.

From David Limbaugh’s book Crimes against Liberty, pp. 389-390

Obama Lied, Americans Died

People died, Obama lied. That’s the best summary of what has happened since Sept. 11, when terrorists (yes, terrorists) attacked the U.S. consulate in Libya, killing four Americans and the U.S. Ambassador, while terrorist sympathizers swarmed the U.S. embassy in Cairo.

By Joel Pollak, Big Government

The Obama administration insisted–though it knew otherwise–that the attacks were provoked by an anti-Islam film made in the U.S. by a Coptic Christian.

Worse, the Obama administration inflamed the supposed outrage over the film by telling the world that the U.S. condemned it and was not responsible for it–even buying airtime on Pakistani television to broadcast that apologetic message.

It also sent a signal that American principles of free expression were up for negotiation by suggesting that free speech did not include the right to insult other people’s religions, and Islam in particular.

Now, as new details emerge every day about what the Obama administration knew and when, it is clear that President Barack Obama lied shamelessly to the American people about a terror attack that claimed American lives.

The lies were repeated by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and UN Ambassador Susan Rice, among other officials. That the lies were likely told for political reasons is not an excuse but cause for additional alarm.

The reason the Obama administration believes it can get away with the lies is that it has done so before–and the media have generally looked the other way.

A week ago, before the full extent of Obama’s deception had become clear, Stephen P. Hayes of the Weekly Standard catalogued some previous examples–from lies about the underwear bomber in 2009 (“an isolated extremist”) to the Times Square bomber in 2010 (a “one-off”).

He could have added the Fort Hood shooting, which the Obama administration refused to call a terror attack, and where a culture of political correctness had allowed Maj. Nidal Hasan to continue in his Army job even after several warnings about his beliefs and his behavior. Even worse, President Obama treated the shooting flippantly, giving “shout outs” before addressing the nation–a gaffe the media have, conveniently, forgotten.

The central deception of the Obama administration is a self-delusion–one shared by the mainstream media–that Barack Hussein Obama is beloved overseas and especially by the Muslim world with which he is allegedly so intimately familiar.

This millenarian belief, this cultish creed, that Obama’s rise ushered in an age of global peace is what has led our nation’s foreign policy to the present impasse–and for Obama, there is no way out.

Obama’s lies have a cost–not just in terms of human lives, which were lost partly due to the intelligence failures on 9/11/12 that the administration is busily covering up–but also in terms of Americans’ most cherished freedoms. The Obama administration has made it clear that it is willing to sacrifice free speech–and human rights more generally–for the sake of appeasing our enemies, in the false hope of securing their non-aggression.

“Bush lied, people died,” we were endlessly told by the left and the mainstream media, even though it was Saddam Hussein’s lies to the UN that built the case for war in Iraq.

Today, Obama is lying about terrorist attacks against the United States, in an election season–an offense for which the media would have rightly drummed any Republican out of office.

Now that “people died, Obama lied” is the reality, will the media notice?

Read: Obama Lied, Democrats Demand Answers

Obama Spying on You

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Justice Department’s use of electronic devices to intercept phone numbers, email addresses and online information has climbed by 64 percent since 2009, according to a study of records released under the Freedom of Information Act.

Government data shows that from 2009 to 2011, the combined number of court orders for so-called pen registers and trap and trace devices on phones rose from 23,535 in 2009 to 37,616 in 2011.

Race Card: It’s the Only Card Game Democrats Know

Zing! Ann Coulter writing again.

Now she’s taking apart the only card game Democrats know: the race card. It’s all in her new book “Mugged.”

And Jeffrey Lord of The American Spectator has an excellent review of the book here.

It’s a lengthy review and we won’t run the whole thing here.

But … here’s a teaser with some selected gems from Lord’s review:

Ann Coulter is fearless.

In writing her newest book, Mugged: Racial Demagoguery From the Seventies to Obama Ms. Coulter takes the time to carefully and in detail explode the self-made liberal myth of liberals and liberalism as heroes in the American civil rights movement.

As we often note, any group on record with enthusiastic support for slavery, segregation, lynching, the Ku Klux Klan and, in today’s world, everything from racial quotas to illegal immigration is decidedly no kind of American hero. As we have also frequently noted, racism and the Left go together like ham and eggs or peanut butter and jelly. Without playing the race card the Left would die of political oxygen deprivation.

Ann Coulter gets it. Mugged is not just a book — it’s a public service.

In chapter and verse, Coulter takes the time to detail the Left’s wretched racial history, saying:

Contrary to the to the myth Democrats told about themselves –that they were hairy-chested warriors for equal rights — the entire history of civil rights consists of Republicans battling Democrats to guarantee the constitutional rights of black people.

Not all Democrats were segregationists, but all segregationists were Democrats and there were enough of them to demand compliance from the rest of the party….

All true. And Coulter, a lawyer, prosecutes her case with detailed enthusiasm.

There is the basic grounding in the argument that liberals love to ignore.

  • It was Republicans who passed the Thirteenth Amendment ending slavery (as Coulter correctly notes “with 80 percent of Democrats voting against it.”)
  • It was Republicans who unanimously “enacted the Fourteenth Amendment, granting freed slaves the rights of citizenship” — with unanimous opposition from Democrats.
  • It was Republicans who passed the Fifteenth Amendment, giving blacks the right to vote.

All of these a precursor to passing the Civil Rights Act of 1866 (providing citizenship and “full and equal benefit of all laws”), the Reconstruction Act of 1867, and … yes… an entire list of civil rights measures in 1875, 1890, 1922, 1935, 1938 (the latter three anti-lynching laws staunchly opposed by Democrats) and anti-poll tax bills in 1942, 1944, and 1946.

Nor does Coulter forget the basic fact that the Civil Rights laws of 1957, 1964 and 1965 were passed because of staunch Republican support — and were essentially do-overs of laws passed a century earlier but essentially stymied by the Democrats’ support for segregation and the use of what historian Columbia University historian Eric Foner has noted as the military arm of the Democrats– the Ku Klux Klan.

But these, as mentioned, are the basics.

What Coulter does that breaks new ground and doubtless more than a few political eggs is tackle headlong the racial controversies of the last several decades — and link them to the atrocious (make that horrifying) on-the-record dependence of Democrats and what is politely called “the race card.”

Noting acerbically and again correctly that “liberals have never been able to get the hang of a color-blind justice system,” she provides one example after another of how liberals went from treating blacks as below the law — to above it.

Coulters goes through the liberal racial closet (and it’s a big closet) finding one example after another after another where, in the manner typical of the heirs of slavery, segregation, and the Klan — all is racialized.

Coulter notes that while the Internet and cable news helped, post-O.J. there was a “renaissance of black people with different opinions different from Jesse Jackson’s” –[ and she names some of them: Deneen Borelli, Ron Christie, Ken Blackwell, Niger Innis, Star Parker, Jesse Lee Peterson, Angela McGowan, Michael Meyers, David Webb,(Congressman) Allen West — all of whom became known to Americans thanks to Fox News. Not to mention Juan Williams, Dr. Marc Lamont Hill and Sherrod Small. (A nod here to Fox for doing what liberals refuse to do — introducing black Americans who– shocker! — have opinions of their own not cut from the liberal cookie cutter.) Doubtless this book was already at the printer when Americans learned last month of Utah’s Mia Love, who if elected would be the first Republican black woman to serve as a member of the House.

By 2007, Coulter reports, NPR/Pew had a poll out showing “that 53 percent of blacks said that those who couldn’t get ahead were mostly responsible for their own condition, compared to 30 percent who said it was because of discrimination — a reversal of percentages from just a decade earlier.”



Governor Committed to Defense of Borders

Gov. Jan Brewer issued the following statement:

“I applaud the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals for today rejecting a request to block SB 1070 from being enforced by State and local officers.

“Since 2010 when I signed SB 1070 into law, it has undergone numerous legal challenges launched by groups such as the ACLU and La Raza. But the heart of our law has survived, been unanimously upheld by the United States Supreme Court and is now being enforced across Arizona.

“I am under no illusion that opponents of SB 1070 will stop their baseless allegations and call off their teams of lawyers. Even now, they scheme for new ways to undermine the rule of law and malign the character and commitment of our State and local law enforcement.

“Know this: They will not succeed. The State of Arizona stands firmly in support of the rule of law, in defense of our citizens and together with our brave men and women in uniform.”


Center for Arizona Policy: Behind the Controversy

By Cathi Herrod, President
Center for Arizona Policy

In the last year and in recent days, there have been several news stories sensationalized by the press. But behind the controversies, there are some very important insights into how our opponents are working to silence our voice:

When Planned Parenthood Attacks: When the Susan G. Komen Foundation announced they would be redirecting $680,000 of grants away from Planned Parenthood and directly to clinics that provide mammograms, abortion supporters called for an all out war on the charity. Former Susan G. Komen Executive Karen Handel exposes the whole story behind the decision to no longer give Planned Parenthood grants, and the eventual reversal of that decision due to pressure from the abortion giant in her new book “Planned Bullyhood.” She sat down with Christianity Today to discuss her experience at Komen through the controversy.

Chick-Fil-A Clears the Air: Many in the mainstream media jumped on reports from liberal blogs that Chick-Fil-A and their CEO Dan Cathy would no longer donate to groups that oppose “same-sex marriage.” The story sparked from a claim by a Chicago Alderman who was attempting to deny the restaurant chain construction permits because of Cathy’s biblical view of marriage. Yet Mr. Cathy and his organization made no such promise, as CitizenLink reported yesterday.

Scare Tactics   

Americans United for Separation of Church and State have sent more than 60,000 letters to churches across the country to deter pastors from speaking on moral issues this election season.

As Alliance Defending Freedom explains, these threats are predicated upon an unconstitutional law which unjustly attempts to stifle the church.

Yet furthermore, despite this unjust law, churches and pastors can counsel their congregations on how to be wise stewards of their vote. Read about what Churches and Pastors Can and Cannot Do on

Gambling Gains Ground

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that the Tohono O’odham Nation can build a casino in Glendale. This fight is not over, as an appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court is likely. Under the ruling the tribe would be allowed to take 54 acres into trust as reservation land.

The harms of gambling cannot go overlooked: Within a new casino’s 35-mile and 50-mile “feeder market” radius, gambling has been directly linked to an increase of eight to 10 percent in the crime rate within three years of opening. Crime rates continue to climb with each subsequent year. A 2009 study shows that the presence of a casino in a county increases the bankruptcy rate by nine percent within the first year of operation. Read more about the Harms of Gambling at

Extraordinary Life Conference  

Don’t miss the upcoming Extraordinary Life Conference with Dr. Randy Carlson at Palmcroft Baptist Church on Saturday, October 13. Dr. Carlson will share how you can begin to build margin in your life and what it means to live on purpose and with intention.

CAP is Hiring!  

CAP is seeking to fill the legislative coordinator position on our policy team. Click here for details on the position and how to apply.

Executive Order Authorizing Government Control of Internet Nearing Completion

By John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Secretary Janet Napolitano told a Senate committee that the Administration is drafting an Executive Order that would grant her Department of Homeland Security “sweeping new powers over the Internet.”

“As we saw this past week, irresponsible use of the Internet by anti-Islamic bigots spawned riots against US embassies throughout the Muslim world,” Napolitano explained. “The Administration needs the authority to interdict inflammatory and dangerous messages before they can cause trouble.”

Napolitano told Senators that “the Executive Order is necessary because Congress has neglected its responsibility to pass appropriate enabling legislation. The President isn’t going to sit by and allow threats to our interests to have unrestrained access to this very potent means of communication just because Congress can’t get its act together.”

The Secretary rejected arguments that restricting access to the Internet violates the Constitution’s First Amendment. “If you read the document carefully you see that the First Amendment bars Congress from making a law abridging freedom of speech,” Napolitano pointed out. “It places no such prohibition on the President. In fact, it could be argued that as the nation’s Commander-in-Chief he has the obligation to take this action.”

Judge Blocks Purge of Dead Voters

State District Judge Tim Sulak issued an order to Texas Secretary of State Hope Andrade to cease and desist in her office’s efforts to remove deceased voters from the rolls.

In his ruling, Sulak said that “the Secretary has failed to demonstrate sufficient grounds for excluding these voters. Just because a person is deceased does not mean that person has no interest in the election’s outcome. Has a deceased parent no concern for the well-being of his children? Of course he does. To arbitrarily deny this interest is discriminatory and, therefore, illegal.”

The Judge rejected the Secretary’s argument that it is impossible to know how a deceased person would vote saying that “friends and relatives acquainted with the views the person expressed while alive may serve as good proxies for casting votes on behalf of the deceased.”

State officials sent notices to the last known addresses of 80,000 voters who the Social Security Administration (SSA) says had died. Those failing to reply with proof they are alive were to be stricken from the rolls.

However, Sulak discounted the SSA as “an unreliable source. Every year this agency pays out billions of dollars on bogus claims. And that’s not counting the billions ‘legitimately’ paid to those who’ve disabled themselves through drug addiction. Using anything from this agency as a basis for any action is highly suspect.”

In related news, a statistical analysis of Ohio’s voting rolls indicates that at least 20% of the registrations appear to be phony. In two counties the number of people registered to vote exceeds the voting age population. The national average is for 70% of the voting age population to be registered to vote. Nevertheless, US Attorney General Eric Holder insists that vote fraud is not a serious problem and warned the Ohio Secretary of State “to refrain from taking any action that may be construed as an attempt to reduce voter turnout.”

President Assures Letterman that National Debt Isn’t Important

Unable to answer a simple question regarding the size of the national debt during an interview on David Letterman’s talk show, President Obama tried to assure viewers that it isn’t important.

“I can’t put my finger on the precise amount,” Obama said. “How about a ‘ballpark’ estimate?” Letterman asked.

“Well, I don’t know, but it doesn’t really matter,” the President replied. “You see, mostly this is money we owe ourselves. I mean, Americans owe the debt and Americans own the debt. In effect, paying the debt is like taking money out of your right pocket and putting it into your left pocket. It’s a wash transaction. We could eliminate most of the debt by simply canceling this shuffle.”

In related news, the United States fell to 18th place in the annual Economic Freedom of the World report. Chairman of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers Alan Krueger dismissed the report’s importance  saying “it is overly reliant on outmoded ideas that put individual rights ahead of the collective benefits.”

President Sees No Need to Address Mid-East Crisis

Obama campaign spokesman Ben LaBolt said President Obama sees no need for him to brief the American people on the Mid-East crisis.

“How would this benefit him?” LaBolt asked. “The media have already moved on to other issues that are working in his favor. There is no outcry from voters demanding answers as to how this happened. The only people who want him to speak out about it are his opponents. So, I think keeping quite is the smart thing to do.”

Despite the President’s reluctance to speak to the American people, he and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have invested $70,000 in TV ads in Pakistan. In the ads both make appearances to express their apologies for the “Innocence of Muslims” video held to be a contributor to the recent riots in several Islamic countries.

Obama kicked off the ad saying, “We reject all efforts to denigrate religious beliefs of others.” Clinton followed up by reminding that “the United States Government has absolutely nothing to do with this video,” and urging that “your anger should be focused elsewhere.”

Another placating move under consideration is the possible release of Omar Abdel-Rahman, who is currently serving a life sentence for his role in a plot to conduct assassinations and destroy bridges, tunnels and other landmarks in New York City. Clinton defended the move as one motivated by compassion. “The man is, after all, blind,” she explained. “He’s been in jail for nearly two decades. Releasing him is unlikely to harm us and could go a long way toward mollifying those threatening violence unless he is released.”

President Says He Can’t Change Washington from the Inside

In a gaffe that some are calling “Bidenesque,” President Obama sought to divert attention from his broken promises by claiming impotence.

“The most important lesson I’ve learned is you can’t change Washington from the inside,” he told the audience at at a forum hosted by the Spanish-language TV channel Univision. “You can only change it from the outside.”

A nonplussed host inquired, “If you can’t change it from inside why are you running for reelection?”

“As frustrating and unrewarding as being the president may be, I feel it is my duty to occupy that chair in order to prevent malevolent forces from taking over the country,” Obama answered. “As we have seen, my opponent has great animus against the 47% who rely on government for their living. Allowing him to be elected would be seen as a validation of the notion that people should be expected to fend for themselves.”

“It’s taken us about three generations to get to that 47% level,” the President continued. “That’s a lot of progress, but we can’t let ourselves be satisfied with only half a loaf. While we can probably never get to 100%, I hope that reaching 98% or 99% might be attained during my lifetime. I’m confident that with another term we can reach the tipping-point where a clear majority is aligned with our program. Once that happens the transformation I envision for America will never be undone.”

In related news, Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney maintained that “Romney’s ‘47%’ remarks may effectively disqualify him from serving as president. His disdain for dependency puts him out-of-step with the moral mainstream of our society. Those who rely on government to meet their basic needs shouldn’t have to live with the fear that they might be forced to enter the workforce against their will. Romney’s made a thinly veiled attack on a way of life that I think voters will soundly reject come November.”

Blasphemous Video May Lead to Extraditions

The Egyptian Government has issued arrest warrants for seven Egyptian Coptic Christians and American pastor Terry Jones on charges of “harming national unity, insulting Islam, and spreading false information.” The charges stem from the belief that these persons are linked to the “Innocence of Muslims” video.

Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi is expected to demand their extradition when he meets with President Obama in New York and Washington this week. The US State Department and Department of Justice are reported to be reviewing the case.

“It’s an interesting question,” mused Attorney General Eric Holder. “Normally, we’d think it’s a freedom of speech issue. If the impacts were strictly confined within our own borders the First Amendment might be deemed decisive. However, since the impacts have mainly been felt outside our borders it may not apply.”

According to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, the US Constitution’s protection of freedom of speech does not apply when someone’s values and beliefs are offended. “Freedom of expression should be and must be guaranteed and protected, when they are used for common justice and common purpose,” Ban said. “However, those who insist upon being disagreeable must not be allowed to claim the privilege of free speech.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

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