Senators Question IRS Spying

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnSenate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and ranking member Patrick Leahy (D-Vt) sent a letter to Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew demanding to know why the IRS is using secret cellphone tracking systems to spy on Americans.

This warrant-less eavesdropping appears to be a blatant invasion of privacy,” Grassley complained. “It’s precisely the kind of overbearing intrusiveness that our Constitution sought to prevent.”

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen admitted the spying, but justified it as “necessary. We can’t allow a claim of privacy to deter us from gathering evidence against persons harboring anti-government animus or attempting to deny us access to funds the government needs.”

Koskinen argued that the IRS “is obligated to rise above a simplistic servitude to a 200 year-old clause in a mostly out-dated document and use every bit of modern technology to carry out its mission to ensure the financial security of the government. When people know that we are watching their every move and that we have the capacity to listen in on every phone conversation they will be more compliant.”

Secretary Lew characterized the senators’ concern as “overly paranoid. We’re not talking about foreign enemies obtaining state secrets for nefarious purposes here. The IRS agents listening it on cell phone conversations are loyal employees of the federal government. As fellow members of the government the senators should know that they have nothing to fear.”

In related news, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton came out against abolishing the death penalty, averring that “there are some crimes—treason, insurrection, attacks on government officials or policies—for which the threat of this ultimate sanction is needed to deter dangerous disobedience.”

Obama to Order Troops to Syria

Despite concrete promises to never send ground troops into Syria, President Obama announced that a contingent of Special Forces would be sent to the war-torn country.

Press Secretary Josh Earnest attempted to maintain that “the President didn’t break a promise. Unforeseen circumstances have altered the realities upon which the initial ban on boots-on-the-ground was decreed. First of all, there is a new player in the game—Russia. Its intervention in Syria changes everything. Our careful plan to degrade terrorist forces is endangered by Russia’s unbridled intention to destroy them. This could upset the balance of power in the region.”

Second, the original promise was not to send combat troops,” Earnest said. “We are sending military advisers. They won’t even have any bullets. So, they cannot engage in combat. Their role will be twofold. First, they will advise moderate Muslim opponents of the Assad Government on how to fight back against the Russian invaders of their country. Second, they will serve as human shields that will help deter Russian attacks.”

Secretary of State John Kerry defended the new intervention, saying that “the Middle East today is the home of populations that are energetic, youthful, and forward-looking. It is in them that we place our faith. In my mind, no price would be too high to pay if just one Muslim life could be saved by our efforts.”

Republicans held mixed views over the decision. Sen. John McCain (R-Az) praised it as “a necessary step to fulfill our solemn obligation to the Syrian people. Russia has been our country’s primary adversary for 70 years. We cannot turn aside from confronting this latest attempt to embarrass us.” Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ken) labeled the move as “a risky venture with no obvious upside. Syria is a mess that the United States has no business jumping into. Getting more deeply involved makes no sense.”

Alabama “Teacher of the Year” Unqualified

2014-2015 Alabama Teacher of the Year and 2015 National Teacher of the Year finalist Ann Marie Corgill was judged “unqualified” to teach in Birmingham’s schools due to lack of specified state credentials. Corgill holds National Board Certification to teach children ages 7-12 and has been teaching in grades 1-6 for 21 years.

Kennita Allen, an education administrator with the Alabama Department of Education insisted that “neither demonstrated success in the classroom nor a national certification can substitute for the required state-issued certificate. Regulations are regulations. They cannot be waived for anyone no matter how competent they may have shown themselves to be.” Allen also said that “Ms. Corgill’s resignation wasn’t necessary. We would have granted her probation and given her an opportunity to take the classes she needed to earned the state certificate.”

Corgill challenged the utility and validity of the classwork demanded for state certification. “I would think that two decades of award-winning success might carry more weight than yet another layer of bureaucratic hoops that I would be compelled to jump through,” she speculated. “Skill and passion are what is needed to inspire students to learn, not more paperwork to placate the education establishment.”

In related news, the 2015 National Assessment of Educational Progress found that only 4% of Detroit public school eighth graders are proficient in math and only 7% in reading. This compared unfavorably with nationwide figures of 33% and 32%, respectively. Detroit Public Schools Superintendent Karen Ridgeway questioned the significance of the findings, declaring that “math and reading are skills no longer required in our modern society. We have computers to do the math and videos to provide a superior format for information over the written word.”

Sanders Vows End to Islamophobia

Presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) told voters that he will “bring an end to the Islamophobia that has stained our country. Americans’ fear of terrorism is excessive. Muslims in this country aren’t massacring people. There is no cause for anyone to be apprehensive or mistrustful toward them. Suppressing such irrational fears will be a major emphasis in my administration.”

The possibility that fear of Muslim immigrants might be warranted escaped Sanders’ purview. For example, since opening its borders to a surge of Muslim immigration, Sweden has experienced a 1400% increase in rapes and now ranks second in the world in this crime category.

The problem is that under Islamic law, Muslim women serve little more purpose than catering to their husbands’ sexual demands. The “uncovered whores,” i.e., Western women who do not comply with sharia law, are considered legitimate targets for rape by Muslim men.

The Swedish government’s approach to this problem has been to crack down on Islamophobia. Nevertheless, an unfazed Sanders reaffirmed his belief that “the Scandinavian countries provide a model we should emulate.”

NYC to Ban Smoking in Public Housing

A new ordinance sponsored by New York City Councilman Donovan Richards (D-Queens) would bar tenants of government-subsidized housing from smoking in their apartments. The rule would apply to an estimated 178,000 units controlled by the City’s Housing Authority.

Richards maintained that “as hard as it may be on some of the tenants, the measure is for their own good. The fact that a person lives in subsidized housing is a pretty good indication of a basic lack of competence to make good decisions,” he said. “Inability to support yourself imposes this burden on someone else. Whenever that someone else is the government we have the right and the duty to impose better choices on these people. Discouraging them from smoking is one of those better choices.”

The Councilman hastened to point out that “New York isn’t the only city to take such a step. Los Angeles, Phoenix and San Diego have similar prohibitions. Looking out for the welfare of the people isn’t simply a matter of giving them what they want. Sometimes we have to determine what they need and don’t need. Cigarettes are something they don’t need. It is our job to try to prevent them from indulging in this pernicious vice.”

In related news, City Council Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito (D-Harlem) called for President Obama to bypass Congress and seize the funds needed to save Puerto Rico from bankruptcy. “That Congress would balk at spending money we don’t have for the great humanitarian purpose of rescuing Puerto Rico from the consequences of spending money they didn’t have is the height of hypocrisy,” she charged. “President Obama needs to rise above the limitations of law and do the right thing.”

French Mathematicians Question Global Climate Hysteria

A recent report authored by a team of mathematicians from the Société de Calcul Mathématique SA challenged what it concluded is “a costly and pointless crusade against a naturally variable climate. The forces driving change are huge and beyond human control. The contribution to climate change that can be traced to human activity is tiny. The measures touted to combat climate change would be both expensive and ineffectual.”

Global climate expert Al Gore denounced the report as “detrimental to our efforts to unite humanity in this crucial battle to save the planet. I’m not a math whiz, but I know if we do nothing we can’t accomplish anything. Rather than sit by while the world burns wouldn’t it be better to try everything we can?”

Gore brushed aside the fact that the planet has endured climates far warmer before the human species ever rubbed two sticks together, asserting that “just because we can’t have an effect on the major factors behind climate change doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go all out to control the minor factors. That way, whether we end up sweating or shivering we’ll know that it isn’t our fault. The value of such knowledge would be priceless.”

Gaёlle Tournié, one of the authors of the report, professed “it is difficult for me to decide whether Monsieur Gore is insane or idiotic. That he would gladly bankrupt humanity in an essentially futile endeavor to achieve a minuscule impact of doubtful success would support either assessment.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

The Courage of Supt. Douglas is Worthy of Emulation and Respect

We elected Republicans to go to Washington and fight Obama’s abuses and an out-of-control, unaccountable government. In 2014, we put Republicans in complete control of Congress to do that.

Senate President Mitch McConnell and former House Speaker John Boehner refused to follow the will of the people and do that. They acted like the Scottish nobleman who rode away from the battlefield when William Wallace and the patriots wanted to fight against England for their freedom.

People are tired of being betrayed by political candidates who promise the sky and then refuse to deliver.

Diane Douglas told us that, if elected state superintendent of Public Instruction, she would fight to get rid of Common Core education standards. She bears the scars of the battles she’s encountered in living up to her word. The radical Left wants to recall her.

But on Monday the state board of education voted 6-2 to formally sever ties with the copyright that accompanies Arizona’s College and Career Ready Standards — formerly known as Common Core.  Now Arizona can alter its 2010 adoption of Common Core-based standards. Children and the state will be the better for it.

Many people are not paying attention and do not know what all the fuss is about. In fact, the Christian Science Monitor asks, “Why is Arizona trying to repeal Common Core?”

The group Arizonans against Common Core helps break down the problems with Common Core:

  1. The standards are of mediocre quality;
  2. They violate federal statutes;
  3. Our state will pay a heavy price to implement them;
  4. These standards intrude on student and family privacy; and
  5. These standards further federalize education and usurp power from the state, eroding state sovereignty.

As long as public education in America is based on a secular humanist worldview, our nation is selling itself and our children short and will not fully prosper. But the example of Superintendent Douglas’s courage and persistence — in the face of overwhelming leftist and union opposition — is worthy of emulation and respect. Oh that we would have this in Congress.

This is a good start in the revival of Arizona’s K-12 system. Now it is up to you, mothers and fathers and taxpayers to lend your voice and insist on better education for our children. Education that will not perpetuate lies and myths while undermining the values of good and honest parents.

Clinton Blames Stevens for Own Death

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnIn testimony before the House Committee on Benghazi former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton laid the blame for the Benghazi debacle squarely on slain Ambassador Christopher Stevens. “He was the person on-the-ground in Libya, I was thousands of miles away,” she pointed out. “He should have taken better care of his own safety.”

Clinton brushed off evidence of several emails from Stevens expressing concerns about inadequate security for diplomatic personnel in Libya, alleging that “I never saw any of those 600 emails” and that “Ambassador Stevens didn’t even have my private email address, which, I think, shows a lack of initiative on his part.”

The former Secretary also speculated that Stevens’ emails “may have been a joke. Chris was legendary for his sense of humor. Inasmuch as he was an integral actor in a scheme to smuggle weapons through Libya and into Syria it is understandable that the Department personnel who did receive his emails on this matter may have dismissed them as just another demonstration of his rapier wit.”

As to why she didn’t support sending a rescue team in response to requests for aide during the attack, Clinton asserted that the absence of the key code word “cornhole” in the desperate messages from those under attack raised doubts as to the source of the pleas. “Without this code word we had no way of authenticating who was asking for intervention,” Clinton said. “It could have been a ruse deployed by our enemies.”

Tragic as the deaths of the four Americans killed in the raid on the Consular compound may have been to the families involved, we shouldn’t lose sight of the greater tragedy avoided by the actions we took that day and in the immediate aftermath,” she continued. “September 11, 2012 was less than two months prior to an election that would determine who would lead this country for the next four years. The dissimulation that the Administration’s enemies are so worked up about now was essential for fending off the bigger threat represented by Mitt Romney and the Republicans who sought to topple our government.”

Finally, Clinton challenged the need for further investigation, claiming that “I already took responsibility for what happened in Benghazi. That should have ended the matter. Continuing to probe into those long-ago events is an unprecedented violation of common courtesy. Once a government official acknowledges responsibility there is no need to further belabor the issue. It’s time to move on.”

Sanders Says Despotism May Be Fair Trade-off for Free Health Care

The discovery of a 1985 video in which Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) praised the “progressive” policies of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro failed to dent the candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination’s enthusiasm for socialism.

The right wing in this country likes to emphasize the bad side of the Castro regime—the suppression of dissent, the imprisonment and execution of counterrevolutionaries—but they totally ignore the benefits it provided for the common people.”

Chief among these benefits, according to Sanders, is “universal free health care. Unlike the complex and discriminatory system we have here in the United States, the Cuban system gives the same level of care to everyone free of charge. No one has to struggle with sorting out confusing options within a time-constrained ‘open enrollment’ period. All are granted the same coverage without having to lift a finger.”

While I personally can’t endorse the oppression the Castro government meted out to its opponents, let’s not lose our perspective,” Sanders added. “The persons affected by this oppression numbered in the thousands. Those affected by the free health care numbered in the millions. From the standpoint of the average Cuban I think this has to be seen as a worthwhile trade-off.”

Sanders speculated that “it is not out of the question that a similar mathematical ratio might be applicable in our country. Far more people would be benefited by a government-run universal health care system than would be hurt by the suppression of anti-government agitators. The 2016 elections will show whether voters agree with me and the other Democrats on this issue.”

In related news, citing the inadequacy of current public education, Sanders called for making college free for all. “The fact is that too many of those graduating from our high schools are functionally illiterate,” he declared. “Clearly, twelve years of schooling are not enough to prepare our children for the modern world. By making college available to all we not only grant a four-year reprieve from the cruelties of the work-a-day world, but we also introduce another layer of academic credentials for a larger share of our population.”

Pelosi Claims Pope Sides with Democrats

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) denounced renewed GOP efforts to defund Planned Parenthood and claimed to have Pope Francis on her side.

Pope Francis urged that political leaders shun dogmatic rigidity and make pragmatic compromises for the good of the whole,” Pelosi contended. The “compromise” she suggested the Pope would support would be “to allow women to preserve their health by accessing the services of organizations like Planned Parenthood and to pursue the Catholic reverence for innocent life by sustaining those who cannot support themselves.”

If you pay attention to what Jesus actually said, you’ll find numerous mention of the need to care for the poor,” Pelosi observed. “You won’t find a single word denouncing abortion. The fact is, we don’t have any documentation of God’s opposition to this medical procedure. The GOP’s attempt to insinuate some sort of anti-abortion commandment into Christian theology is pure fabrication.”

Pelosi also said “the hysteria over videos exposing the sale of aborted fetus tissue is blind to the important role these tissues can play in extending and improving the lives of those afflicted by serious medical conditions. Is ending the life of an unwanted child really too high a price to pay for extending the life or easing the suffering of those we love? I’m confident the Pope would say no.”

In related news, Planned Parenthood spokesperson Sari Stevens maintained that “the refusal of the major media outlets to cover the Center for Medical Progress videos vindicates our contention that these videos are an unreliable source of information on a very complex topic. Rather than being given an opportunity to confront our accusers, Planned Parenthood employees were ambushed by undercover operatives covertly taping private conversations. The media’s rejection of this so-called evidence validates its illegitimacy.”

Democrats Block Vote on “Kate’s Law”

Senate Democrats filibustered a vote on a law that would have increased penalties for dangerous illegal immigrants. The measure nick-named “Kate’s law” after Kate Steinle—a murder victim of a violent illegal immigrant—was torpedoed when a cloture vote failed to garner the necessary 60 votes.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) condemned the Democrats “for choosing to stand with convicted felons like the murderer of Kate Steinle rather than with the American people.”

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) characterized the measure as “profoundly undemocratic. The victims of crimes committed by those in the country illegally are a tiny minority that is vastly outnumbered by the undocumented population of this country who are denied the right to vote for who shall govern them. We cannot allow the interests of the lesser number to trump the interests of the greater number.”

In related news, Reid vowed to similarly block a GOP effort to impose penalties on so-called “sanctuary cities” that eschew compliance with federal law mandating the deportation of illegal aliens convicted of felonies. “To deny these cities access to federal aid is an attempt to use extortion to induce them to comply with laws with which they disagree,” Reid complained. “This is as blatant a tyranny as I have ever seen.”

The Senator sought to differentiate this proposed law from a plethora of measures attaching conditions for receiving federal aid, saying that “using financial incentives to prompt states and cities to comply with warranted federal guidelines and preferences is an entirely different thing. If policies and programs are good there is nothing wrong with deploying coercive sanctions to ensure obedience.”

Kerry Urges Israelis to “Take the High Road”

US Secretary of State John Kerry implored Israeli civilians to refrain from shooting knife-wielding Palestinian assassins. “I know from an individual perspective the temptation to save one’s own life by deploying superior firepower is hard to resist, but the bigger picture needs to be considered,” Kerry argued.

The whole world was sympathetic when the suffering of the Jews under the Nazis was revealed after World War II,” the Secretary said. “Their status as unadulterated victims won them virtually universal respect and empathy. The Jews in Israel are endangering that universal respect and empathy by outgunning their attackers.”

Kerry maintained that “losing the status of helpless victim could have incalculable costs over the long run. Already, we have seen sympathy shifting toward the Palestinians slain by the Israelis’ extreme self-defense measures. The few Jewish lives saved by these measures don’t strike me as a worthwhile gain in a broader historical context.”

In a similar vein, Kerry also condemned British Prime Minister David Cameron’s new “Counter-Extremism Strategy,” calling it “a dangerous escalation. It’s certainly unfortunate that Islamic extremists are inculcating hatred toward non-Muslims, but trying to counter this by characterizing it as hateful puts the British government down in the gutter with those it is trying to distinguish itself from. I think people will find this confusing. I find it confusing. We in the West ought to set a better example.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

SIGNS OF OUR TIMES: Politics over Principle/Beware the ‘Light’ in Light Rail

The fix is in on the Scottsdale City Council. Subtitled: Money Talks, Principles Walk. Advocates of the homosexual agenda have apparently flipped the upcoming vote of enough council members to pass the radical and unneeded “bathroom bill.” One council member is approaching what could be her third term — along with the accompanying pension, if elected. A leftist council member pushing for the bathroom bill promised her campaign cash if she goes along. Getting re-elected is more important than doing the right thing. The fix is in.

More on Scottsdale’s bathroom bill … Council members received 98 letters about the bathroom bill. They say six letters, in opposition, from the public were “over the top.” And this proves Scottsdale is NOT a welcoming city to homosexuals. Therefore the bathroom bill is needed, say they! Who knew? That Scottsdale, of all places with its vibrant arts community, is “not” a “welcoming” community? One would think homosexual activists would have descended on the city en masse long before it got to the writing of six letters, and — aided by their left-stream media lemmings — would have stampeded the city into a bathroom bill before all this supposed hate had built up. The fix is in.

Who’s to say homosexual advocates didn’t write those letters? Homosexuals have been exposed for numerous fake hate crime allegations across the country. And who’s to say what is and what isn’t “over the top”? Let’s see these letters, council members. Release them to the public. The fix is in.

***

Speaking of homosexual advocates. They are shopping for victims up and down Arizona. They are calling churches and Christian schools. “We’re lesbians. Can we enroll our kid in your youth class … in your school?” The hoped-for answer is a no. That would set the grounds for legal complaints of sexual discrimination and put a big chill on the right of Christians to actually act on their convictions. This is part of an organized campaign to create a climate of fear, to push Christian organizations to compromise. Under the threat of the legal hammer. Advocacy groups will come out with a claim that 80 percent of churches and Christian schools are bigoted organizations and strict new laws must be passed on local and state levels to stop this. Tax exemptions must be revoked. Accreditations must be removed.

***

Just looking at financials for Valley Metro Rail for the years 2012 and 2013. And talk about UPSIDE DOWN! Hoooly sub-sa-deeeeeeeeees, Batman!

For both years, operating revenues were: $31 million. Operating expenses were … brace yourself: $76 million, for both years. OUCH!!! CRUNCH!!! What a hit!

And out of the $31 million in revenue, just $12.7 million came from fares in 2013 and $11.9 million from fares in 2012.

The bulk of the revenue came from member city contributions and grants. Nothing like burdening the backs of taxpayers with a losing proposition.

But wait a minute. City contributions and grant money comes from somewhere. It comes from you. It is taken out of the hands of taxpayers. To call this “income” is misleading. Member city contributions and grants should actually be posted to the expense side of the ledger.

More accurately, Valley Metro Rail should report revenue of $12.7 million in 2013 and $11.9 million in 2012 … AND … $94 million in expenses for 2013 and $95 million in expenses in 2012. That’s the truth of the matter from YOUR perspective.

In an average week in 2013, light rail moved 101,000 people. At a cost of $1.46 million. With fare revenue of $236,000. That’s an unacceptable “return on investment” of 1:6. $1 taken in for every $6 spent. And that’s on you; you are footing the bill.

This is just what the skeptics warned us about a decade ago: that light rail would not be a wise financial investment. It’s subsidies on steroids. The “light” in light rail stands for precious little to show for a huge price tag strapped around the taxpayers’ necks.

Voters: next time, wise up! Don’t be taken in by promises of blue skies.

New Book Exposes Left-Stream Media’s Folly over HB1062

Less than two years ago, extremists on the far Left fringe and their media lemmings in Arizona and around the nation successfully waged a campaign of fear, deceit and distortion against a state religious freedom bill, HB 1062. They stampeded Gov. Jan Brewer into fearfully vetoing this harmless, but helpful, bill. Virtually every television station in Arizona bought the lies of homosexual activists … hook, line and sinker, and engaged in yellow journalism. Even a Phoenix sportscaster, Mike Jurecki, foolishly shot off his mouth about what the bill would not do, further spreading the Big Lie, the Big Narrative of the Left. We saw again how gullible, how ignorant and misinformed and how horribly misguided the left-stream media really is. And just how easily the left-stream media could be led by extreme leftists, without pretending to be fair or factual.

Outside of The Arizona Conservative, there were few in this state who really stood up to speak the truth to this manufactured “crisis.”

Now Ryan Anderson of The Heritage Foundation has addressed what happened here — in his book “Truth Overruled: The Future of Marriage and Religious Freedom.” He writes the following in Chapter 5: Religious Freedom: A Basic Human Right. We think this is well worth your read:

In February 2014, the State of Arizona considered a minor legislative clarification to its state RFRA, attracting incendiary media coverage. The New York Times editorialized that the Arizona legislation had passed “noxious measures to give businesses and individuals the broad right to deny services to same-sex couples in the name of protecting religious liberty.”

The Times got it wrong. The Arizona bill, an amendment to the stat’s 1999 RFRA protections, never even mentioned same-sex couples. In provided that the RFRA protections would extend to any “state action” and would apply to “any individual, association, partnership, corporation, church, religious assembly or institution or other business organization. In other words, the bill would have protected all citizens and the associations they form from undue burdens by the government on their religious liberty and from private lawsuits that would have the same effect.

Kirsten Powers jumped into the fray with a USA Today column misleadingly titled “Arizona Latest to Attack Gay Rights.” She warned that the law “would result in nothing less than chaos,” even though the federal government has operated under the same rules for twenty years and Arizona had had similar protections since 1999. A bipartisan group of law professors set the record straight in a letter to Governor Jan Brewer:

The bill has been egregiously misrepresented by many of its critics …

We should not punish people for practicing their religion unless we have a very good reason. Arizona has had a RFRA for nearly fifteen years now; the federal government has had one since 1993; and RFRA’s standard was the constitutional standard for the entire country from 1963 to 1990 …

[The proposed law] would amend the Arizona RFRA to address two ambiguities that have been the subject of litigation under other RFRA’s. It would provide that people are covered when state or local government requires them to violate their religion in the conduct of their businesses, and it would provide that people are covered when sued by a private citizen invoking state or local law to demand that they violate their religion.

The rhetoric about giving bigots a license not to serve gays and lesbians was simply nonsensical. Indeed, religious liberty claims in connection with same-sex marriage have never been about turning away certain persons or groups, but about not endorsing certain actions or ceremonies.

But the lies worked, and Governor Brewer, a Republican, vetoed the bill. Among those applying pressure were Arizona’s two Republican senators, John McCain and Jeff Flake, as well as Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney [and State Senator Bob Worsley], showing that both political parties are susceptible to abandoning principle once the media dial up the heat. Or big business. National Football League officials expressed concern about holding the Super Bowl in Arizona, as scheduled, should the religious liberty bill be enacted.

The scholar’s letter flew right over the head of the frightened governor, who vetoed the bill and got the rabid radicals off her back.

Germany Struggles to Make Immigrants Feel Welcome

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnGermany is taking some extraordinary steps to try to accommodate an estimated 1.5 million Muslim immigrants that will enter the country this year.

In a number of locations German students have been assigned to perform domestic chores—including doing laundry, preparing meals and cleaning up after the immigrants. These tasks have been made more arduous and risky by the obnoxious behavior of some of the beneficiaries, which includes throwing their trash out the windows of the apartments provided for them and raping the females entering the premises to clean..

Inhabitants of small towns being inundated by swarms of migrants have been advised by the German government to move if they don’t like it. Refugee Coordinator Detlef Placzek waved off any possible objections, blithely asserting that “the decision to welcome these people comes from the highest level. It is every German’s duty to obey the decrees ordered by their government.”

Twenty migrants have shown their “gratitude” by filing a lawsuit. Abu Sirh, spokesman for the litigants, complained that “the Berlin State Office for Health and Social Affairs has been too slow in delivering the expected bundle of welfare benefits. To make us wait more than a week before receiving what we came so far to get is intolerable. We are Allah’s chosen people. It is the kafirs‘ obligation to serve us.”

Sirh blamed the delay in the distribution of benefits for a spate of prostitution among the daughters and wives of some of the migrants. “Without the benefits promised to us, many men have been forced to rent out their daughters and wives to get money to buy cigarettes and other necessities,” Sirh charged.

In a bizarre bid to placate these religious fanatics, the German government has lifted the ban on the publication of Hitler’s anti-semitic screed Mein Kampf. Spokesman for the Merkel government Heine Douchefangen asked his countrymen “to be more accepting of the culture of the newcomers. This book is a perennial best seller in the places the immigrants come from. Making it available in our book stores will help them feel more at home.”

In related news, Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton labeled residents who questioned his decision to invite thousands of Muslim immigrants to the state racists and suggested they should move out. “That terrorists might be hiding with the immigrant community is a risk I’m willing to take,” Dayton said. “We can’t yank away America’s historic ‘welcome mat’ out of exaggerated fear. The number of Minnesotans who might be harmed is small compared to sustaining the bigger principle of open-borders.”

US State Dept Slams Israel’s Disproportionate Response to Palestinian Attacks

Palestinian terrorists have launched a series of knife-wielding assassins upon innocent Israeli citizens. So far eight Jews have been killed and more injured. A few of the assassins have been shot for their efforts. State Department spokesman John Kirby criticized the shootings, calling them “disproportionate responses that can only escalate the terror.”

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex) called Kirby’s remarks “idiotic and unacceptable” and demanded that Secretary John Kerry disavow Kirby’s comments. “The fact that some of the intended victims of these ambushes had the foresight to arm themselves ahead of time and were prepared to defend themselves against unprovoked attacks is not an escalation,” Cruz argued. “It is the kind of prudent measure that cautious individuals take. The presence of armed bodyguards is the first line of defense for public figures like Secretary Kerry.”

Shooting down a would-be assassin doesn’t escalate terror,” Cruz added. “It deters it. If more innocent victims were armed, terrorists would be less apt to strike. This is the whole philosophy behind the President’s Secret Service protection and our country’s Armed Forces. For the State Department to criticize Israelis for imitating what we do is hypocritical nonsense.”

Kerry declined to criticize his subordinate. Instead, he claimed that “Senator Cruz’s siding with Israel and against his own country’s Department of State confirms his disloyalty to the President and his government. If President Obama weren’t so magnanimous and merciful Sen. Cruz would have cause to really rue his remarks.”

In support of Kirby’s escalation claim, Kerry cited an incident where over a hundred Palestinians set fire to Joseph’s Tomb in the West Bank town of Nablus. “This site honoring a Biblical hero of the Jews that stood for thousands of years was destroyed in retaliation for Israelis disproportionate responses to the knife attacks,” Kerry intoned. “I think that validates Mr. Kirby’s analysis of the situation.”

Obama Rebuffs FBI over Clinton Emails

President Obama’s dismissal of security concerns about former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s unsecured personal email has rankled the FBI. “For the President to flatly say that these unsecured emails posed no security problem is a judgment rendered in the absence of facts,” complained an FBI official requesting anonymity. “Clearly, the matter merits an investigation as to whether any damage might have been done.”

Irked that an agency under the Executive branch would contradict him, Obama reminded everyone that “I am the nation’s chief enforcer of the law. If I don’t think there is anything to prosecute on an issue it is insubordination for anyone within the government to contest my determination.”

The fact of the matter is that I can order a halt to any investigation carried out by any agency of the federal government,” the President boasted. “I can pardon anyone convicted by any prosecution that is conducted by any judicial body in the country. Likewise, I can order any agency under my control to prosecute anyone on any charge I deem warranted. And if prosecution is unworkable I can order the execution of any person that poses a threat to this country or its government.”

New DOJ Unit to Focus on Eradicating “Anti-Government Views”

This week the US Department of Justice announced the formation of a new “enforcement unit” to combat domestic terrorism. According to Assistant Attorney General John Carlin, “the focus of this new agency will be the eradication of anti-government views, racism, bigotry and anarchy, and other despicable beliefs.”

While the media has been sensationalizing the so-called threat from Islamic terrorists, it is the Administration’s view that domestic right-wing political groups pose a much more insidious danger,” Carlin contended. “With the public’s attention diverted to distant shores, home-grown opponents of our government have been free to work on their evil plans undisturbed. This new unit will home in on these groups and exterminate them.”

Evidence of the pervasiveness of the right-wing threat cited by Carlin included “the disproportionate representation of minorities among America’s prison population, arrests, and confrontations with law-enforcement personnel. The pattern suggests that domestic terrorists have successfully infiltrated police departments, prosecutors’ offices, and state legislatures. Rooting them out will require effort, determination, and in many cases, extreme measures.”

Carlin urged citizens to help support the Administration new push by reporting likely suspects to the new agency. “Key ‘red flags’ for incipient enemies include assertions that current government policies may be unconstitutional, that the President is a tyrant, or that citizens ought to obtain firearms,” Carlin said. “Anyone who suspects neighbors, fellow employees, or even strangers of harboring such opinions has a moral and legal obligation to report this behavior to federal authorities. Anonymous ‘tip lines’ will be provided for this purpose.”

Dem Candidates Promise New Freedom

This week’s debate among Democrats vying for their Party’s presidential nomination inspired a bidding war as to which of them could promise more “free stuff” to voters.

Sen Bernie Sanders (Vt) vowed to eliminate the need for money. “Too many people are barred from having what they want by the fact that they lack the money to purchase it,” Sanders lamented. “Billionaires like Donald Trump never have to face such deprivation. Why should poorer Americans be denied the same rights? When I’m president all merchandise will be free.”

Rival candidate Hillary Clinton averred that “while I agree with Senator Sanders in principle, I’m not sure doing away with money is feasible. I believe a more practical approach would be for the government to simply provide money to those who need it. That way we can maintain the traditional mechanisms of our society. Whether this money is confiscated from the rich or whether it is created by the Federal Reserve is a question to be answered by experts at a later date.”

Former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley insisted that he “would have come up with a similarly brilliant idea if I had gotten the chance to speak first. Since I wasn’t given that opportunity I’m stuck with saying ‘me too.’”

Former Rhode Island Gov. Lincoln Chafee pointed out that “unlike any of the other candidates in either Party, I am named after Abraham Lincoln—the Great Emancipator. I think this establishes a modicum of credibility that I could achieve the emancipation of wage-slavery that the American people really need.”

Former Virginia Sen. Jim Webb was widely booed by the audience when he admitted that “I don’t have the facts and figures to refute what everyone else is saying, but it makes me a bit uneasy. Is it really possible to give everyone everything he wants without him having to lift a finger?”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Celebrating 20 Years: One of America’s Truly Premier Family Policy Councils

You just know the Center for Arizona Policy (CAP) is a great organization when you see how exercised the Left gets in demonizing this awesome organization. When someone or some organization is doing God’s bidding, they’re a threat to Satan, and he’ll engage in spiritual warfare against them.

CAP’s entire team has been waging that spiritual battle on our behalf for 20 years. The Center for Arizona Policy is a nonprofit research and education organization committed to promoting and defending the foundational values of life, marriage and family, and religious freedom.

They’ve had a hand in well over a hundred state laws enacted to protect men, women and children. And it’s not just Christians or conservatives who benefit from these laws. ALL Arizonans benefitted. The Left just doesn’t want to admit that.

Over the last 20 years, CAP and its allies have assured many a good policy for Arizona families. And they have helped to prevent bad policy from taking root here. We can thank them that we are not hamstrung by damaging policies fabricated by undiscerning lawmakers beholden to the far Left in other states. We are blessed and fortunate that the Center for Arizona Policy advocates for life, marriage and family, and religious freedom — each of them under withering attack by radical agents of change.

Thankfully, God has blessed CAP’s outstanding efforts with the support of many wise and virtuous state leaders and thousands of citizens whose financial support enabled CAP to emerge as one of the finest family policy councils in America. In fact, it’s one of the very best destinations for your charitable dollars. If you’re one of those persons who wishes someone would “just do something” about the attacks on our values … CAP is your team.

Cathi Herrod has been most capably leading the CAP Team for several years. And Len Munsil led the way before her. They have been vulgarly savaged by the ill-tempered, ill-mannered Left, attacked by the left-stream media people who take their marching orders from Arizona’s leftist organizations. But Cathi, Len and the entire team have considered it an honor to be attacked for their devotion to Christ. They … will … not … back down in their work to promote the policies that benefit Arizona families.

Established in 1995 as a nonprofit organization dedicated to strengthening Arizona families through policy and education, CAP has worked with elected officials and members of communities to make Arizona the most welcoming state to raise a family.

To celebrate, Center for Arizona Policy invites you to join its 20-year anniversary celebration, where it will remember the past and look forward to our future. Please be there and show your support for CAP. Help honor this incredible team by attending. You are NOT going to want to miss this night of reflection, celebration, and fellowship.

Here are the details:

Tuesday, October 20, 2015 at 7:30 p.m.

Mesa Arts Center in the Ikeda Theater 1 E Main St, Mesa, AZ 85201 

Semiformal Attire

Not only will you hear from speakers who span the history of CAP, you will also be treated to a concert from Shane & Shane.

Tickets are only $25 per person, and are selling fast.

Senate Bill would Block Sanctuary Cities Laws

The Center for Immigration Studies has published an analysis of Senate Bill 2146, the “Stop Sanctuary Policies and Protect American Act” introduced by Senator David Vitter. This sanctuary legislation is designed to block state or local governments from enacting or continuing sanctuary laws or policies that protect aliens from the reach of federal immigration authorities, most especially with regard to aliens arrested and convicted for criminal offenses.

Recent data reveals an estimated 1,000 criminal aliens a month are being released due to sanctuary policies, making congressional action imperative. The bill seeks to incentivize state and local governments to cooperate with federal authorities by continuing existing grants to those which exchange information and comply with detainers; cutting federal funding to sanctuary governments which refuse to cooperate, that is then distributed to jurisdictions that do cooperate; and by providing immunity to officers when engaging in cooperative efforts, including complying with detainers or providing information.

View the entire report here.

“The Obama Administration refuses to deal with the sanctuary problem, which has led to crimes such as the murder of Kate Steinle by a five-times-deported illegal-alien felon,” said Dan Cadman, a Center fellow and author of the report. “This bill addresses the sanctuary policies which result in thousands of criminal aliens being released into our communities to reoffend. Unfortunately, it is not as comprehensive as the Davis-Oliver Act, which would deal with the sanctuary policies and the administration’s deliberate suppression of enforcement.”