y John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
The flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clinton for President campaign.
“Lest anyone forget, let me remind them that these emails were purloined surreptitiously and illegally,” campaign manager Robby Mook complained. “By invading the privacy of people actively supporting Secretary Clinton’s election they have been forced to unwillingly testify against themselves. This compelled testimony is as flagrant a violation of the Constitution’s guarantee against self-incrimination as we have ever seen in a political campaign in our nation’s history.”
Among the revelations contained in the Wikileaks’ document release were emails disclosing that Hillary herself was the one who deleted the missing 33,000 work-related emails, that Phillipe Reines, then Senior Adviser to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton suggested ways of obstructing the handing over the emails that had been subpoenaed, and that Clinton campaign spokesman Brian Fallon was receiving illegal inside information on the Department of Justice investigation of Hillary’s email security breaches.
Mook likened the Wikileaks operation to “the illegal wiretaps that police sometimes tried to use against suspected members of organized crime. The courts have always tossed this kind of evidence and we are fully confident that they will toss any emails obtained without the writers’ freely given consent if this matter ever goes to trial, which is something I doubt President Obama would allow.”
In the meantime, Mook expressed gratitude that “the nation’s major media outlets have pretty effectively tossed the Wikileaks garbage out of the ‘court of public opinion.’ They realize that there is no need to get voters stirred up over events that should have no bearing on the upcoming election. What’s done is done. The bigger issue is whether this country will permit a person as unfit as Donald Trump to become president.”
Interestingly, a significant number of the emails exposed by Wikileaks revealed a close coordination between the Clinton campaign and the supposedly “objective” media. Nevertheless, Mook brushed this aside as “irrelevant,” claiming that “it should be no mystery that those who believe in truth and justice would share a common interest in determining who should run the government.”
In related news, another email exposed by Wikileaks showed former Clinton administration official Bill Ivey advising Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta to “conspire to produce an unaware and compliant citizenry,” but warned that “the unawareness remains strong, but compliance is fading rapidly. This problem demands some serious thinking and demographically-inspired messaging.”
Wikileaks Exposes Democrats’ Disdain for Catholicism, Latinos & Blacks
One of the latest batches of emails made public by Wikileaks revealed that key Clinton supporters have expressed low opinions of Catholic doctrines. Clinton campaign communications director Jennifer Palmieri labeled them “backwards.” Center for American Progress (a public policy advocacy organization founded by Hillary Clinton’s 2016 Campaign Director John Podesta) senior fellow John Halpin called conservative interpretations of the religion “an amazing bastardization of the faith.” And Podesta has been working with billionaire financier of left-wing causes George Soros to promote a “Catholic Spring” modeled on the “Arab Spring” that has successfully replaced the secular government of Egypt with jihadi fanatics.
Julie Roginsky, a Democratic strategist, appeared on Fox News to defend the disdain, saying that “reform of the Catholic Church is long overdue. The majority of Catholics disagree with the hierarchy’s positions on abortion and same-sex marriage. Why shouldn’t the Democratic Party assist this majority to throw off the shackles of an erroneous dogma and rewrite beliefs using a majority rule approach?”
Roginsky hailed the Obama Administration’s progress “in breaking down out-dated thinking that would bar the government from funding pregnancy termination services that benefit women of all faiths. Churches must not be allowed to refuse to participate. Religious rigidity must yield to social justice. We have elections to select those who govern us. These elections give moral weight to the policies that are decreed by the government. It is everyone’s obligation to submit to the rules laid down by the president and the courts.”
“There is no downside for the Democratic Party from these Wikileaks disclosures,” Roginsky insisted. “First of all, few people will see or hear of the comments made in these emails. Second, whatever scraps of information do sneak through will be filtered and interpreted by our allies in the media. Finally, polls show that the majority of Catholics are with us on this. So, I think that’ll be game, set, and match for Hillary Clinton and the entire Democratic slate up and down the ballot.”
Another Podesta email lamented the necessity of having to deal with “needy Latinos. All we want are their votes, not their policy ideas. Hillary knows how to govern. These amateurs need to play the role we’ve already laid out for them.” Podesta also took a swipe at blacks calling them “never-do-wells who fare badly almost irrespective of circumstances. Luckily, they appreciate that while Democrats have sawed off the lower rungs of the ladder to success they see that we have enacted the welfare benefits that allow them to survive.”
CNN Irked at Chant
In a post-debate campaign rally GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump continued his charges of media bias by referencing the three-on-one (two moderators and Hillary Clinton vs. Trump) format of the Sunday night face-off. The crowd began chanting “CNN sucks,” much to the dismay of a few CNN “talking heads,” including Chris Cuomo, Alisyn Camerota, Brian Stelter, and Bill Carter.
Cuomo characterized the crowd response as “dangerous and unprecedented. We haven’t treated Trump any differently than any other Republican nominee. All of them—Romney, McCain, Bush—took it in stride without complaining. That Trump would make an issue out of it shows his political naivete.”
Stelter agreed saying, “this is much worse than what we’ve seen in the past. I mean, it’s not as bad as the mobs that have burned down buildings and assaulted people after cops have shot another unarmed black man, but, jeez, these are Republicans. They’re supposed to have self control.”
Camerota found “the disrespect for reporters intolerable. We are the eyes and ears of America. We bring the news into everyone’s home. Impugning our integrity as Trump has so wantonly done undermines the public’s faith in the accuracy of our reports. And as you’ve said, Chris, no Republican before Trump has ventured into this uncharted and dangerous territory.”
“You’re right Alisyn, we are the ‘fourth estate,” Cuomo asserted. “Trump’s irresponsible attack on our objectivity threatens the very foundation upon which our way of life depends. Something bad is going to happen and it will be all his fault.”
RAF Has “Green Light” to Fire on Russian Jets
The risky nature of the United States’ entanglement in the Syrian civil war ratcheted up a notch when pilots of our NATO ally, the United Kingdom, were given the okay to shoot down Russian fighter aircraft if they feel threatened by them.
Current Secretary of State John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have both spoken of the “need to confront Russia” in Syria. At last Sunday’s presidential debate Clinton contrasted her strong stance in support of a “no fly zone” in Syria with presidential rival Donald Trump’s “cowardly preference for avoiding the steps necessary to counter this nation’s chief adversary.”
For his part, Trump questioned the logic of the US policy in the region. In his view the main adversary is ISIS. He went on to suggest that the United States and Russia joining as allies to fight these terrorists might be the more sensible course of action. “I know that our two countries have had differences,” Trump said. “We may not see eye to eye on some things, but Russia seems civilized compared to the Islamic terrorists who bomb innocent civilians, behead hostages, stone women who object to being raped, and throw homosexuals off of high rise buildings.”
This weekend President Obama and his top foreign policy advisers have scheduled a meeting to discuss options for dealing with the Syrian military crisis. One option entails US bombing of Syrian military deployments. The downside of exercising this option is the co-mingling of Russian and Syrian forces in the target zone. “No one likes the optics of US planes bombing Russian troops,” said a source requesting anonymity. “It would be orders of magnitude worse than the Cuban missile crisis that almost led to nuclear war in 1962.” Clearer heads are said to be favoring providing more weapons to the al-Qaeda forces opposing the Assad regime that governs Syria.
As if this weren’t unsettling enough, the US Air Force has been practicing simulated nuclear bomb missions in the Nevada desert. In one test run B-2 bombers dropped a pair of dummy 700-pound warheads. Over at Langley, the CIA is prepping a covert cyber attack designed to harass and embarrass the Russian government.
Meanwhile, Russia has ordered relatives of government officials living abroad to return home. “This is all part of the package of measures to prepare elites for some big war,” said Russian political analyst Stanislav Belkovsky.
Former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev concurred, “I think the world has reached a dangerous point. I don’t want to give any concrete prescriptions, but I do want to say that this needs to stop. It is necessary to return to the main priorities. These are nuclear disarmament, the fight against terrorism, and the prevention of an environmental disaster.”
Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein found the deteriorating situation “ominous. We may be closer to nuclear war than ever. That the Obama Administration and the Clinton campaign appear ready to escalate further is pure insanity. Though it pains me to say it, after watching the latest debate, it looks like Trump was the one with his head on straight on this issue.”
In related news, it appears that the $1.7 billion in ransom paid to Iran for the release of four hostages earlier this year was used to fund the missiles used by an Iranian-backed terror cell in Yemen to attack a U.S. Navy ship in the Red Sea this week. Press Secretary Josh Earnest maintained that “there’s no way to tell whether is was the same money or not. But even if it was, Iran is a sovereign nation and has every right to spend its resources as it deems best for its people.”
Clinton Boasts of Diverting Funds from Terrorists
In one of the Clinton emails Wikileaks published this week former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton acknowledged that American “allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIL (ISIS) and other radical Sunni groups in the region.”
Qatar and Saudi Arabia have also been very generous to the Clintons. Back in August they each ponied up a million dollars as a birthday present for former President Bill Clinton. Far from being embarrassed, Clinton boasted that “this represents $2 million that was diverted from funding terrorists. I challenge Trump to prove he has diverted a single cent from going to terrorists.”
The birthday gift isn’t the only generosity displayed by the Clintons’ Middle Eastern friends. After receiving a $10 million donation to the Clinton Foundation from Saudi Arabia in 2011, Hillary Clinton approved a $29 billion sale of advanced fighter jets to that nation.
While the sale to the Saudis was the single biggest sale, it wasn’t the only one she approved under questionable circumstances. In total she authorized over $160 billion in sales to Middle Eastern countries that her own State Department had criticized for human rights abuses, corruption, and aiding terrorists. The only saving grace was that these countries had donated a total of more than $50 million to the Clinton Foundation.
One supposes that “diverting” $50 million from being handed over to terrorists is a good thing. But perhaps arming the nations that help sponsor terror with $160 billion in the latest weapons is not a good thing.
More Democrat Election Fraud
In two new undercover videos obtained by Project Veritas Democratic Party workers openly talked about “dirty tricks.”
In Florida, Wylie Mao, a field organizer for the Clinton campaign said that ripping up registration forms from Republicans would be “cool strategy. It works on several levels. Every Republican we sign up can be completely neutralized as a voting threat. He thinks we’ve turned in his registration form. So he doesn’t go and register with the County Recorder on his own. He tootles along until election day when he tries to vote. Since his name isn’t on the official list the best he can do is cast a ‘provisional ballot’ that will later be discarded. It’s another win for the good guys.”
In New York, Alan Schulkin, the New York Democratic commissioner of the Board of Elections, confirmed that vote fraud “is organized and widespread. Party workers will load up buses with volunteers who will be driven to different precincts to cast the ballots of people registered but not voting because they are dead or no longer living in the area.” Schulkin disapproved of the fraud and blamed it on “Mayor DeBlasio’s edict to issue non-verifiable ID cards to any person who asks for one. There’s no vetting of any of these people. Anyone can get as many ID cards for as many different identities as he wants. I think this effectively eliminates an honest election in this city.”
In related news, a leaked strategy memo from the Pennsylvania Democratic Party outlined the activities of a “Black Pod” operation. The activities include stealing Trump/Pence yard signs, posting Clinton/Kaine signs without the homeowner’s consent, and vandalizing cars that have Trump bumper stickers “to create a psychological climate unfavorable to such displays.”
A Satirical Look at Recent News
John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.
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