By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

This past week, former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned European politicians that “the lack of tough-sounding rhetoric regarding immigrants and refugees has paved the way for right-wing populists like Hungary’s Viktor Orbán, the Alternative for Germany Party, and Donald Trump to gain traction with voters. Preying on voters’ fears that allowing masses of semi-civilized immigrants into their countries endangers their cultural history, these political outsiders have threatened the long-term progressive governing coalition in several countries.”

Clinton advised that “we need to take a more nuanced message to the voters who currently matter in order to keep the doors open to voters who will, in gratitude for the better lives a generous social welfare state offers over the hellish conditions they are emigrating from, appreciate what the governing class has to offer them. If I had grasped this during my 2016 run for the U.S. presidency, Donald Trump’s message would have been blunted and he never would’ve become president.”

The former presidential candidate hastened to clarify that “I’m not saying that we need to close the doors to immigration so much as I’m saying that we need to sound like that is an option we are considering out of concern for voters who are being hurt by open borders. We need to use words like ‘comprehensive immigration reform’ and ‘a system that is fair to all’ even if in the end the result is no substantive change in our open borders policy. As the UN has recently proclaimed, migration is a human right. No country has a moral right to block the entry of anyone demanding admittance. The key is ensuring that a progressive elite retains the reins of government. A sophisticated messaging system will help us maintain control and block right-wing elements from interfering with our right to govern for the good of all humanity.”

Clinton expressed confidence in the success of an improved message “because deep down, people don’t want responsibility and freedom. They want to be told what to do and where to go and how to live. We social progressives are the only ones truly prepared to control these aspects of everyone’s lives. The right is still tied to anachronistic ideas of individual autonomy where each person is expected to chart the course of his own life.”

Obama Discusses 2018 Election Results

Disappointed that Democrats didn’t win every contested election in the 2018 mid-terms, former President Barack Obama charged that “too many voters are still confused, blind, filled with hate and racist. Given a clear choice between the progressive socialist values represented by Democrats in every state and district, a distressingly large number of voters persisted in pulling the lever for Republicans.”

Obama laid some of the blame on himself for not seeking a third term as president. “I’m confident that I would’ve won,” he boasted. “I would’ve gotten billions of dollars of in-kind publicity from a loyal press corps. The people love me. But I let myself be dissuaded by a constitutional quirk limiting presidents to two terms. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure that I could’ve gotten a friendly judge to put a temporary restraining order on that constitutional provision. Once I was reelected who would’ve had the nerve to argue for overturning the will of the voters? My unthinking submission to a piece of paper denied voters their democratic right to freely choose their own government.”

According to the ex-president, a “silver lining” from the 2018 election results was the emergence of Texas Senate candidate Beto O’Rourke as a 2020 Democratic presidential contender. “He is, for all intents and purposes, a white version of me,” Obama asserted. “He is smooth, articulate, and a good looking guy. Like me, he had no significant accomplishments as a member of Congress and can define himself as whoever he wants to be. Even better, since he lost his senate race against Ted Cruz he is free to work full-time on a 2020 presidential campaign. This should give him a valuable head start in fund raising vs. other Democratic contenders who will be bogged down with attending to legislative duties over the next two years.”

Gov. Kasich Lurches Left

Eyeing a potential 2020 run against President Trump, Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R) took a dramatic left turn in his final months in office. Persuaded that his “everyone needs a hug” might be a bit too thin of a platform, Kasich decided to reverse gears on traditional Republican pro-life and pro-self-defense positions and veto the so-called “heartbeat bill” and “stand-your-ground bill.”

“The key factor in my decision was my perception that I must differentiate myself from Trump in any way I can,” Kasich explained. “If Trump is for something it must be wrong for America. So, when Trump came out as anti-abortion, I figure I have to oppose that position. The same goes for personal self-defense. Trump is such a strong advocate for Second Amendment rights that the only logical choice left for those of us who want to remove this monster from the presidency is to oppose the Second Amendment.”

Both bills have passed the Ohio House with veto-proof majorities, but the Governor has threatened “to ruin everyone’s Christmas holiday” by forcing the legislature to return for an override vote during Christmas week. “If these guys believe so strongly in protecting the lives of the unborn or allowing citizens to use deadly force against criminals let them sacrifice their comfort for their beliefs.”

Whether Kasich’s betrayal of Republican voters who elected him to two terms as Ohio’s governor will achieve the results he anticipates remains doubtful. Incoming Republican Gov. Mike Dewine favors both bills. So, a Kasich veto will likely only postpone enactment by a few months. As for boosting Kasich’s chances against Trump, it seems that a “newbie” baby killer and gun-grabber would be less attractive than one of the Democratic 2020 presidential contenders with a longer pedigree on these issues.

In related news, it appears that Kasich’s new position on abortion is in line with the Human Rights Committee of United Nations which just declared that “states must legalize abortion.” The declaration comes as a “reinterpretation” of an older UN provision stating that “Every human being has the inherent right to life. This right shall be protected by law.” The new interpretation includes legalization of assisted suicide and euthanasia. High Commissioner Michelle Bachelet Jeria explained “we needed to update our interpretation to deal with the emerging problems of surplus human population. The previous provision was drafted in the wake of World War II when the widespread destruction of human life was on everyone’s mind.”

NBC’s Chuck Todd Calls White House Media Rules “Absurd”

The recently released rules for White House press conference participants were excoriated by MSNBC talking head Chuck Todd as “absurd.” Under the announced rules each member of the press will be expected to yield the floor to another member of the press corps after asking a question unless the President, Press Secretary, or other official conducting the press conference allows a follow-up question, after which the questioner will be expected to yield the floor to a colleague.

“Insisting that we politely take turns is treating us like children,” Todd complained. “I mean, it’s not as if any member of the legitimate press corps at these conferences has a different opinion about Trump or his Administration. We all agree that he and it are the enemy of the American people. Each of us is dedicated to using every opportunity to make this point. Wresting the microphone away from whichever legitimate journalist possesses it is a ruse to allow illegitimate journalistic posers to break the train of thought by giving them an undeserved turn.”

Todd vowed “to fight such a rule with every ounce of my strength. If push comes to shove I will follow the example of CNN’s Jim Acosta and rebuff any attempt by any intern to pass the microphone to someone else not of my choosing. If this means pushing her away or even knocking her to the floor, so be it. The fate of our democracy is too important to be subverted by appeals to decorum or equal access to all points of view. No self-respecting member of the legitimate media will shy away from this battle no matter how rude and obnoxious we are forced to become in pursuit of our political agenda.”

Meanwhile, veteran journalist Carl Bernstein suggested that a better response would be for the media to stop airing unedited press conferences. “Our control of the narrative would be more complete if only the portions we deem newsworthy were allowed on the air,” Bernstein said. “This would cut off Trump’s direct communication with voters. All they would see is what we want them to see.”

9th Circuit Judge Blocks Trump Refugee Policy

US District Judge Jon Steven Tigar in San Francisco blocked the Trump Administration’s policy requiring applicants for refugee status to follow established legal procedures. According to Tigar, “the Trump Administration protocol discriminates against the estimated 500 members of the migrant caravan whose criminal records make following established legal procedures impractical. Under the Trump protocol these criminals would be automatically barred from entry—totally negating their chance for integrating themselves into the United States.”

Unsurprisingly, the Trump Administration denounced Tigar’s ruling, calling it contrary to law and vowing to appeal it to a higher court. “It’s just one more example of the outrageous and lawless behavior of the infamous 9th Circuit,” President Trump complained. “The numbers speak for themselves. The 9th Circuit has been overruled by the Supreme Court more than any other circuit in the country.”

U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts prematurely injected himself into the controversy by admonishing President Trump’s complaint about the 9th Circuit. “The President is unfairly accusing the 9th Circuit of political bias and overlooking the possibility that the judges there are simply incompetent. What Trump is characterizing as bias could be stupidity or ignorance. The frequent overturning of the 9th Circuit by the Supreme Court is, in my opinion, stronger evidence for ignorance of the law and Constitution than it is of political bias, which if intelligently crafted might have a better chance of avoiding reversal. And let’s not forget that the 9th Circuit is located in California—a state notorious for ill-considered and ignorant public policies enacted and carried out by non-judicial elements of the government. Right now half the state is on fire because Gov. Brown vetoed sensible fire control measures.”

Meanwhile, members of the migrant caravan have been complaining about the free tacos and refried beans being given to them, calling it “pig food” and citing this as a reason for rejecting Mexico’s offer of asylum. “We want to eat the same steaks wealthy Americans eat,” said the complaining refugee. “There’s no point in us settling for the same kind of crappy food that was available to us in Guatemala.”

NYC Mayor Calls for Government Control of All Property

Buoyed by the electoral success of so many democratic socialists in the recently concluded mid-terms, New York City Mayor Bill deBlasio wondered “if now is the time to implement the socialist ideal of total government control over all property. I think people all over this city, of every background, would like to have the city government determine which building goes where, how high it will be, who gets to live in it, and what the rent will be.”

“The current situation which requires people to take responsibility for where they live is socially unjust,” the Mayor argued. “Why should some people have nicer apartments merely because they can afford them? Wouldn’t it be better if the government could freely assess each person’s needs and assign him the space most appropriate for fulfilling those needs? I think most people are coming around to appreciate the approach successfully used by the Soviet Union to assign each person to the proper quantity of living space based on his social value to the collective. For some that may require them to accept government-assigned roommates if, in the judgment of housing authorities, their current living space is more than they are entitled to.”

DeBlasio acknowledged that his ideas “are likely to be opposed by those unduly attached to anti-social notions of individualism and privacy. But isn’t the transformation away from individualism and privacy and important part of what President Obama tried to achieve for this country? Maybe those who can’t currently accommodate themselves to the new way of thinking should be sent to reeducation facilities to help them grasp the correct way of thinking about social issues.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

After all the post-election massaging of ballots failed to produce a victory for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Stacy Abrams, the Party was considering demanding that the courts order a “do over.” The latest recount shows the GOP candidate Brian Kemp with 50.2% of the votes. Since this is a majority of the votes counted it is enough to win the office outright without the runoff that would have been required had he failed to get 50% +1 vote.

The Abrams’ campaign theorized that there are more than enough potential votes that could have been cast if more voters would have gone to the polls or submitted absentee ballots to have pushed Kemp below a majority if these potential votes would have gone for Abrams.

Allegra Lawrence-Hardy, Abrams’ campaign chairwoman, lamented that “unlike in Florida, the Georgia Democratic Party was not given sufficient time to locate misplaced boxes of ballots or to correct erroneously marked ballots. Then in Fulton County over 5,000 duplicate ballots were simply discarded. Inasmuch as these traditional tools were not available to us, we contend that this constitutes the type of significant ‘irregularity’ that justifies starting over from scratch. However, since state law doesn’t support our concept of potential votes we have no choice but to concede defeat at this time.”

Dem Antics in Florida Defy Logic

The Florida Democratic Party made a post-election bid to “cure” defective ballots in the hope that a court would order these ballots to be counted in contradiction to state law. Chair of the Party, Terrie Rizzo explained that “it’s only after all the legally compliant votes have been counted that we know how close the election was and whether it’s worth the effort to try to get non-compliant ballots counted. With Republicans holding slim leads it was our assessment that bending the rules in the hope that a friendly judge would reward our effort seemed warranted.”

Meanwhile, defeated Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fla) is now urging the courts “to reopen the voting. Seeing how close the outcome was it goes without saying that there are now a lot of voters who wish they had taken the time to cast a ballot for me. Since the term of office of a US Senator is 6 years, surely the courts could allow another six weeks for these voters to come forward and cast the ballots they should have cast by Nov 6.”

Not to be left out, defeated Democratic gubernatorial candidate Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum, fresh off his demand that every vote be counted, objected to including 150 votes from citizens in hurricane devastated northwest Florida because Bay County Elections Supervisor Mark Andersen allowed these voters to vote via email or fax. Andersen called it “an equity issue. Since I was able to match the signatures with the ones on file I deemed it reasonable to include these votes.” Gillum contrasted this “playing favorites” with “the routine rejection of votes cast by non-citizens who cast their ballots at the polls on election day,” which he characterized as “racism, pure and simple.”

White Gov Mourning Murder of Black Babies Called “Racist”

This week, Republican Gov Phil Bryant’s expression of puzzlement that there is no media outrage over the 20 million black babies killed by the abortion industry since 1973’s Roe v. Wade Supreme Court ruling drew a vicious backlash from Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund Executive Director Laurie Bertram Roberts.

“Gov Bryant’s concern is disgusting and vile,” Roberts asserted. “It’s racist to single out the black mothers who choose to abort their babies.”

ThinkProgress, a left-wing pro-abortion news site, slammed Bryant as a “misogynoir. His notion that abortion poses a distinct threat against black lives is a myth.”

Claiming something is a myth when the weight of evidence would appear to support Gov Bryant’s concerns says more about the fanaticism of the abortion death cult than it does about those who are combating it. Though black women represent only 13% of women in the United States, Planned Parenthood, the largest abortion provider in America, has placed 79% of its abortion facilities within walking distance of minority neighborhoods. Black women also have about 30% of the abortions performed in this country. It seems more plausible that Planned Parenthood and the abortion industry have targeted blacks as “likely customers” for their lethal services and are prepared to vilify anyone who might be perceived as a threat to their exploitation of these customers.

Meanwhile, the evil abortion giant has gotten even more brazen in its advocacy for murdering unborn children. In a new ad created by the Agenda Project, a pro-abortion advocacy group, a smiling baby is shown along with the message “beautiful as she may be, it is your right to abort her if you aren’t ready to be a parent.”

Dem Demands 100% Renewable Energy by 2030

Impatient to make her mark on US policy, newly elected Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) is demanding a Party commitment to 100% renewable energy by 2030 as the “price” for her support of Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) as House Speaker.

Apprised that 100% renewable energy would likely price most consumers out of the market, Ocasio-Cortez trotted out her personal catchphrase of “just pay for it” in response. “The government can print as much money as is needed. There’s no reason why cost should any longer be a barrier to the implementation of the policies and programs required to create the workers’ paradise promised by Karl Marx.”

Ocasio-Cortez hastened to reassure her followers that “my pledge to vote for Pelosi as Speaker is just a temporary expedient. Like all members of the patrician class she will be liquidated when the time is right. Why mot let her enjoy a ‘last hurrah’ before we put her head in the noose?”

New Kansas Gov Ready to Abuse Authority

Under the mistaken notion that she has been elected dictator, Gov-Elect Laura Kelly (D) has announced her intention to “stick it to the social conservatives who opposed my election.” Items high on her agenda for her first days as Governor include ignoring a newly passed state law that bans state officials from harassing faith-based adoption agencies. Under the law these private organizations would be permitted to pursue placing orphans with married opposite sex parents.

“In my view, orphans ought to be placed in a non-discriminatory fashion,” Kelly maintained. “No private adoption agency has a right to deviate from a random pattern of placement. We will audit all of them and if we detect a non-random pattern we will close them down.” The fact that this would be in exact opposition to state law didn’t faze the new Gov, who proclaimed that “the law is what I say it is. Anyone who doesn’t like it can sue me.”

A second priority will be to undo the privacy protections implemented by former Gov Sam Brownback. Under Brownback’s executive order, private organizations were permitted to establish their own rules regarding which sex was allowed to use which bathroom. “There is no right to privacy against government policy,” Kelly declared. “If I say that all bathrooms must be accessible to all persons based on their self-identified gender, no individual or organization will be permitted to deviate from the rules I lay down. Protecting the rights of our LGBTQ community takes precedence over the idiosyncratic prejudices, religious delusions, or personal squeamishness of those who oppose this essential civil right.”

Meanwhile in Kansas City, the health Department destroyed food that was going to be distributed to the homeless by a group called Free Hot Soup KC. The food, which included home-cooked chili, foil wrapped sandwiches and vats of soup was deemed “too risky” by department director Rex Archer who contended that “people could’ve gotten sick. So we did the only thing we could and poured bleach onto all of it to prevent that from happening.” Archer was a bit blasé about the prospect that the alternative for many of the homeless was dumpster diving, where the risk of food poisoning would seem to be considerably higher, saying “where they get their food when we’re not watching is not our concern. Our job is to defend area restaurants from the unfair competition posed by do-gooders like Free Hot Soup KC.”

CNN Sues to Reinstate Acosta Press Pass

After the Trump Administration canceled the press pass of CNN’s Jim Acosta for his boorish behavior, his network has filed suit demanding his reinstatement, calling an issue of freedom of speech. A court has ordered that Acosta’s pass be temporarily returned until the issue is adjudicated.

The gist of CNN’s case is that their reporter has a supreme right to hog the microphone “for as long as he needs to in order to make his point that President Trump is an unlawful usurper. It is the obligation of all other media present to yield their opportunity to ask questions until after our representative is satisfied.”

CNN belittled concerns that Acosta’s abuse of his peers could constitute an unfair practice, saying that “only a tiny minority of those representing other members of the media have the stature and gravitas that we bring to the table. Even though our viewer share is easily surpassed by several other news networks, we are appealing to the best and brightest of minds across the world. Those that have chosen the low road of appealing to the masses of ignorant Americans have no reasonable grounds for compliant.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

In the wake of closely contested races for Senator and Governor, Broward County Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes sought to defend violating state election laws. Under state law each county is required to report the number of ballots to be counted in a timely fashion. Broward was one of the two out of 67 counties not to do so.

Snipes contended that her lack of compliance with the law “was guided by a higher loyalty. It seems like every election new boxes of ballots keep being found in the darndest places. In order to ensure that these voters are not disenfranchised it’s necessary to keep the process open.”

The whole notion of boxes of ballots going unaccounted for days after the polls close reeks of incredible incompetence or convenient corruption. Snipes brushed aside concerns that these “found” boxes might not contain valid votes, saying that “while we cannot say for sure how the boxes were misplaced, once we have looked inside it is clear that the ballots have in fact been filled out by someone. I suppose there is a possibility the votes could’ve been fraudulently prepared, but there is also the possibility they were not. Given these 50/50 odds, I prefer to include them in the total count.”

Gov. Rick Scott blasted Snipes’ attitude, declaring that “the whole point of the state election laws requirement of a timely reporting of results is precisely to prevent the ‘finding of boxes of ballots of unknown origin’ from being injected into the stream of ballots that have gone through the legal verification process. Snipes is trying justify what amounts to stealing the election.”

Florida Judge Carol-Lisa Phillips has ruled that Broward County’s Supervisor of Elections Brenda Snipes violated the state constitution by not following the open records laws and ordered her to comply by revealing how many electors voted, how many ballots have been canvassed, and how many ballots remain to be canvassed by 7 p.m. Friday, Nov 9th. It wasn’t clear that Snipes would obey this court order when she said “even if we did reveal some of this information it doesn’t mean that our search for other wayward boxes of ballots won’t go on.”

The arrogance of Snipes may stem, in part, from a 1982 agreement by the Republican National Committee to not raise the issue of fraud in any election where minorities represent a substantial portion of the electorate. While this agreement is little known outside the inner circles of the two major Parties it has probably given rise to brazen behavior by Democrat Party officials since then. However, the agreement expired in December of 2017 and may lead to a more aggressive effort combat fraud of the type Snipes has become accustomed to perpetrating.

In L.A. Vet Blocked from Voting

On election day a poll monitor in a Los Angeles precinct blocked army veteran John Reader from voting because of “the symbol of hatred” on his shirt. The symbol: a US flag.

“I thought displaying the flag was a general expression of patriotism, you know for our country,” Reader said. “How’s that a hate symbol?”

The poll monitor who would only give his first name (Bill) asserted that “someone so ignorant as to not know that the American flag is a symbol imperialism, oppression, and hatred shouldn’t be voting in our elections. Generous person that I am, though, I offered to let him vote if he turned his shirt inside out, but he refused.”

Reader was eventually allowed to vote after a 90 minute delay when the county registrar intervened. Bill will be required to undergo retraining before he is allowed to work in future elections.

Vox Justifies Leftists Terrorizing Opponents

This week a loud and angry mob of Antifa activists surrounded the home of Fox News personality Tucker Carlson engaged in lengthy chanting of leftist slogans and ended up breaking the home’s front door. Tucker’s terrified wife barricaded herself inside and called the police.

While most media commentators on both sides of the left-right spectrum denounced this tactic, Vox Senior Correspondent and co-founder Matthew Yglesias hailed it, saying “I think the idea behind terrorizing his family is to make them feel some of the fear that the victims of MAGA-inspired violence feel thanks to the non-stop racial incitement coming from Tucker, Trump, etc.”

The fact that MAGA-inspired violence seems basically nonexistent and the total lack of any evidence that Tucker, Trump, or any major right-wing spokesperson has ever sicced a mob on anyone didn’t faze Yglesias. “Sure they may not have consciously spewed racism, but those of us who know how to read between the lines can see it,” he insisted. “The fact that Carlson disagrees with a minority guest on his show is enough proof for me that he is a racist and liable for whatever form of revenge selected by those he has offended. You know terror is an important political weapon as was shown to the world by Lenin when he used it to enable a tiny cadre of Bolsheviks to take over a whole nation.”

Contrasting Abortion Decisions in Two States

In this election abortion ballot measures appeared in two states. In West Virginia, voters approved a constitutional amendment with the following wording: “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of abortion.”

In Oregon, voters defeated a measure that banned taxpayers funding of elective abortions. Oregon is one of 17 states that forces taxpayers to fund elective abortions. Because the state has no abortion restrictions, tax dollars pay for unborn babies to be aborted for any reason up to the moment before birth. In 2017, Gov. Kate Brown (D) signed a bill expanding taxpayer-funded abortions to illegal immigrants and government employees.

Meanwhile, Women’s March denounced white women for failure to deliver the blue wave that would have allowed Democrats to take both Houses of Congress. “Their aversion to supporting abortion rights is shameful,” declared pro-abortion feminist writer Jill Filipovic. “The termination ratios for minority women dwarf those of white women. It is racist and unfair for them to have to bear such a disproportionate share of the task of culling the human herd.”

However, African pro-life leader Obianuju Ekeocha rebuked the Woman’s March: “They shame white women for their politics and dare to tell them how to vote. Women’s March is a rabidly racist and oppressive organization. I thought those were abolished by the end of segregation. I guess I was wrong.”

DC to Crack Down on “Play Dates”

The practice of parents with similarly aged children meeting up for play dates is in the cross hairs of the DC bureaucracy. State Superintendent of Education Hanseul Kang has charged that these informal arrangements “are an illegal intrusion on turf reserved for my department. There are public institutions targeting young children and their development. Every hour wasted at some play group run by unqualified parents is an hour that could have been spent in a program run by professionals. It doesn’t matter that the play dates are voluntary or that participation seemingly hurts no one. We will levy fines or whatever other deterrents are necessary to exterminate this deviationist approach to child development.”

New Congresswoman Can’t Afford Apartment

Newly elected Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) faulted the US electoral system for her inability to afford an apartment in Washington, DC. “I’m elected today, but now I’m told my salary doesn’t start until January 3,” she lamented. “What kind of twisted system doesn’t ensure its rulers have the accommodations to which their rank should entitle them? The government can print as much money as it wants, so just pay for it.”

The sheer lack of resourcefulness of this woman ought to be giving those who voted for her some second thoughts. Her salary of over $170,000 per year starting in January of 2019 gives her the ability to acquire a loan. Most self-supporting adults would be familiar with how to obtain such a loan or at least have the sense to walk into a bank, explain their need and show proof of an income adequate to repay the loan.

Video Proves Acosta Lied

This week, CNN’s Jim Acosta lost his White House press pass. The events leading up to this began with his abuse of the press conference’s opportunity to question President Trump live in front of multimedia. Given an opportunity to ask a question Acosta launched into a lecture about how the caravan from Guatemala was not an invasion. Trump attempted to agree to disagree, but Acosta persisted in berating him. Having gone way past a reasonable time with the microphone, Trump asked Acosta to let another member of the media have a turn. Acosta continued to rant and an intern attempted to pass the microphone to someone else.

Afterwards, Acosta maintained that he never touched the young woman. However, a video of the event clearly shows Acosta pushing the intern away. CNN then claimed that “the video must have been doctored because Jim doesn’t lie.”

An incredulous Trump exclaimed “give me a break. CNN is a perpetual fountain of lies when it comes to the news. The demand that their articulated lies ought to refute video evidence to the contrary is absurd.” Technical experts who examined the video concluded that the video didn’t appear to have been altered: “Slowing down the action and zooming in for a close-up is not an alteration. This video technique is often done by CNN itself. To claim in this case that is is an alteration is profoundly dishonest.”

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent New

The unveiling of a new GOP TV ad featuring Luis Bracamontes, an illegal immigrant who was convicted of killing two California deputies in 2014, was declared “unfair” by what the media described as numerous “experts.”

Arizona State University professor Kim Fridkin called it a “scare tactic. Just because some immigrants are murderers doesn’t mean we shouldn’t let them in. After all, some native born Americans are murderers. Does this mean we should kick them out? I think we ought to pay heed to the wisdom of Forrest Gump. A caravan of immigrants is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re going to get.”

Mo Elleithee, executive director of Georgetown University’s Institute of Politics and Public Service, labeled the ad “racist. By showing a Latino in such a negative light the ad is unfairly pointing out something that was beyond his control. Mr. Bracamontes is not responsible for being born outside US borders. He is not responsible for the laws the deputies were trying to enforce when he killed them. He is being pilloried for openly expressing his ambition to kill more cops, while his honesty about his feelings is ignored. This is probably one of the lowest blows I’ve ever encountered in a political ad.”

Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Az) called the ad “sickening. Republicans everywhere should denounce it. Trying to blame the open borders policies that I, and many other Republicans, have supported for the crimes committed by the people these policies have let enter the country is no way to bring us together as a nation. The consensus that prevailed during the Obama years is being fractured by Trump’s pig-headed insistence on enforcing the laws currently on the books.”

ABC News political analyst Matt Dowd agreed with Flake, saying that “by callously trying to turn criminals and victims against one another, Trump has foolishly thrown away that hard-won consensus to ‘look the other way’ on the whole illegal immigration issue. It’s no wonder Democrats have been so uncivil in their words and deeds since this man took office.”

Democratic socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made a bid to contrast this negative Republican message with her own positive one in which she pledged “to smash the reactionary forces that seek to deny American citizens the full benefits of socialism. The white supremacists that want to deny people like Bracamontes the opportunity for a better life must not be allowed to prevail. We must unite all the other races against the whites, knock them out of power, and send them to the back of the line as President Obama urged us to do back in 2009.”

CNN’s Don Lemon argued that “the ad is fundamentally misleading because it is white men who pose the greatest danger to public safety. If Trump were really serious about crime he would be advocating for bans of white men from public spaces instead of scapegoating immigrants who are only committing crimes to support themselves and their families.”

Former Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev) insists that the ad “has everything backwards. It’s immigrants like Mr. Bracamontes that are the life’s blood of this country. They bring cultural enrichment and energy to this country—energy that we sorely need considering how vain and idle most of the individuals born in America are.”

O’Rourke Campaign Aides Discuss Illegal Aid to Caravan

In one of those Veritas undercover videos, Dominic Chacon, a field manager for the O’Rourke campaign in El Paso, Texas tells Anapaula Themann, a field organizer for the O’Rourke campaign, about his efforts to get supplies to the caravan from Honduras trying to make its way into the United States.

“These are all potential votes for Beto,” Chacon asserted. “We’ve got to do whatever we can to ensure that they get here by election day. They need food and water. Beto has the money to pay for these supplies. We would be letting him down if we don’t get these supplies to them.”

Themann cautioned Chacon, asking him to be more discreet, “we need a good cover story if we want to dodge FEC penalties for illegal campaign expenditures. Let’s say that we are buying supplies for our volunteers who are going door-to-door to get out the vote.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Chacon replied. “I think we can use the pre-paid cards we’ve got to mask what we’re doing. I’m sure that Jody (Jody Casey, campaign manager for O’Rourke) will be cool with it. She already gave us the ‘thumbs up’ for the aid we’ve been sending the last few weeks.”

Meanwhile, evidence that there is a considerable criminal contingent among the people in the caravan continues to mount. The Department of Homeland Security has already identified 270 caravan participants with criminal convictions for offenses including aggravated assault, armed robbery, and sexual assault on a child or adult female. One of the migrants interviewed on camera said he is coming to the United States in hope of obtaining a pardon on his conviction for attempted murder.

In related news, former CIA Director John Brennan heartily endorsed O’Rourke for Senator: “As a former resident of Texas I am proud to throw my weight behind his candidacy.” Acknowledging that he hasn’t been as vocal as he should be considering the high stakes, Brennan said “Beto is special, he brings out the same passion in me that Gus Hall did in the 1980 election. Both have expressed the same vision for this country.” Gus Hall was the presidential candidate of the US Communist Party in 1972, 1976, 1980 and 1984.

Dems Vow to Punish Opponents of their Warped Ideology

In what she hopes will be a clinching argument for voters to give Democrats the majority needed to control Congress, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Calif) vowed that “strengthening penalties against those who oppose the LGBT agenda will be a top priority.”

“Our society is stained by continued resistance to the rights of the LGBT community,” Pelosi complained. “We see religious adoption agencies insisting on placing children in homes with both a mother and a father. We see schools that bar boys who see themselves as girls from using the girls locker room. We see small businesses trying to get away with coverage that will pay for a double mastectomy in the case of cancer, but not when a woman wishes to transition to male. These egregious examples of oppression must stop. And I will be leading the fight to compel uniform obedience to the precepts of the LGBT movement.”

Meanwhile, fellow Californian harridan and projected Chairwoman of the House Financial Services Committee in a Democrat-controlled Congress, Rep. Maxine Waters promised “to use every power at my command to pillage the businesses that have been pillaging America. The last two years have demonstrated the evil intentions of the Republicans and their corporate henchmen. I’m telling these folks that payback is going to be a bitch.”

“Republicans would have you believe that the 50-year low in unemployment just reported for October is somehow great for America,” Waters chided. “It’s not. Pushing people into jobs they’d rather not have is slavery. Lives have been overturned as families that used to be able to stay home together and enjoy the good things of life are now splintered as one or more of their members has been dragooned into the workforce. For every regulation Trump repealed we will enact two more. Those tax cuts Trump got passed to cripple government spending will be replaced by 200% tax hikes to make up for the revenues lost. After the Blue Wave sweeps across the country on November 6 all of the bad stuff will be undone and the golden era of the Obama years will be restored.”

DC Takes Step Toward Allowing 16-Year-Olds to Vote

A bill to lower the voting age to 16 for all elections, both local and federal, was approved by the Judiciary and Public Safety committee of the DC City Council by a 3-0 vote. It is now slated for a full Council vote in the very near future.

Council member Charles Allen sought to rebuff critics who contend that people this young don’t have enough real life experience to be informed voters. “They may still live with their parents and haven’t had the burden of supporting themselves, but neither have the legions of welfare recipients who currently vote,” Allen pointed out. “Just because a person is not a contributing member of society doesn’t mean they have no interest in who runs the government. In fact, I’d say that it is precisely because such people are not self-supporting that they have a very strong interest in electing a government that can do the dirty work of extracting resources from those who have in order to redistribute these funds to those who have-not.”

Google Rejects Blackburn Ad

The communications giant rejected a political ad from Tennessee Republican senate candidate Marsha Blackburn because “it shows Democrats in a bad light.” The ad shows Democrat mobs engaged in several incidents of violence and threats of violence. Google did not dispute the truth of the content.

Google CEO Pichai Sundararajan explained that “truth is not a defense against bad manners. Pointing out some else’s faults is not the way to start a beneficial dialog. The criticized party is not usually motivated by criticism to modify his behavior in the direction desired. Rather than allow Ms. Blackburn to waste her money on such a futile objective we are doing what we think will help her in the long run. It is our hope that she will ,learn from this experience and take a more agreeable stance toward those who disagree with her.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

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