Angry President Demands Obedience

By: John Semmens

An angry President Biden took to the airwaves to announce new marching orders for America. Despite the fact that far less than 1% of the population has been felled by COVID, 70% of the adult population having been vaccinated, and an unknown, but probably large percentage of the unvaccinated having natural immunity to the virus, the President unveiled a nation-wide mandate to force more people to take the vaccine.

“I’ve urged everyone to get vaccinated, but a distinct minority have refused to take my advice,” Biden complained. “My patience is wearing thin. If people won’t make the right decision voluntarily it is my obligation to take the decision out of their hands—as I had to do numerous times when my young sons Beau and Hunter got uppity with me and defiantly disobeyed my good advice. Accordingly, I am ordering all federal employees to take the vaccination. I am ordering all businesses with of 100 or more employees to make getting vaccinated a requirement for keeping their jobs. I am also recommending that all state and local governments impose a vaccination requirement on their employees.”

The President dismissed the contention that he lacks the constitutional authority to unilaterally impose this requirement, saying “polls show that a majority of Americans favor universal vaccination. Enforcing the will of the majority on a minority is not tyranny. It is democracy.”

Numerous Republican governors spoke out against the vaccine mandate. Gov. Greg Gianforte (R-Mt) asserted “President Biden’s vaccination mandate is unlawful and un-American. We are committed to protecting Montanans’ freedoms and liberties against this gross federal overreach.” Gov. Kim Reynolds (R-Iowa) said “President Biden is taking dangerous and unprecedented steps to insert the federal government even further into our lives while dismissing the ability of Iowans and Americans to make healthcare decisions for themselves.”

Undaunted by this outspoken opposition to his decree, Biden boasted “If these governors won’t help us beat the pandemic, I will use my power as president to get them out of the way. I can start by withholding federal highway payments. If necessary I can send troops like President Eisenhower did to enforce school desegregation in Arkansas. If they still don’t get the message, I can have them arrested like President Lincoln did to critics of his handling of the Civil War. We’ll see if any of them have the nerve to face off against their very determined president.”

Dr. Anthony Fauci called Biden’s vaccination mandate plan “disappointingly moderate. If I were devising a mandate I would not have allowed for any opt outs. That includes getting regular COVID tests, having had a previous infection, existing medical conditions that might make vaccination more risky, and religious or moral objections. Our situation is too perilous for us to compromise. Freedom must give way to discipline. In my opinion, everyone must be vaccinated whether they like it or not.”

In a seemingly discordant opinion, Vice-President Kamala Harris was quoted saying “when people are able to make choices without government interference for themselves in terms of their well being and the well-being of their family in consultation with whomever they may choose, we are a stronger society.” Harris hastened to clarify that “I was talking about a woman’s right to abort her unwanted baby, which is an entirely different thing than mandating everyone be vaccinated.” The most striking difference is that the fatality rate for babies from abortion is nearly 100%, while the fatality rate for not being vaccinated is less than 1%.

In related news, Rutgers University barred a student from attending virtual classes because he has not been vaccinated. Rutgers spokeswoman Dory Devlin called the university’s rule “fair. As President Biden has made clear, the disloyal who refuse to get vaccinated endanger us all. Even though this student will not directly infect anyone via virtual classes he is still a living embodiment of the kind of selfishness that is disunifying America. For this he must pay a price—either get vaccinated of face exclusion from all normal activities.”

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