Biden Admin Disappointed with Taliban

By: John Semmens

While President Biden boldly boasted of “the extraordinary success of our evacuation from Afghanistan,” members of his administration have started to have concerns about some recent actions taken by the Taliban government.

Secretary of State Tony Blinken expressed dismay at “the unrepresentative composition of the Taliban government. Not a single woman has been appointed to any position of importance. It’s as if these people never heard of equal rights for women. How can the new government expect to be accepted among the ranks of civilized nations?”

Jessica Stern, special envoy for LGBTQ rights at the State Department, lamented the Taliban’s elimination of women’s sports in the country. “Not only are they barring women from the opportunity to engage in health-building sporting activities, but they are also preventing males who identify as women from participating in women’s sports,” she pointed out. “This makes me suspect that they don’t respect civilized values.”

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin was hurt by news that the Taliban destroyed the George Floyd mural in Kabul. “How could the brothers in Afghanistan show such disrespect for one of this century’s greatest American heroes?” he wondered. “Can’t they see that we all have to stick together if we hope to achieve racial equity in this world? I’m thinking maybe it was a mistake to let them take over the country. At least the previous regime allowed the mural celebrating the man and his accomplishments.”

Taliban spokesman Sayed Zekrullah Hashimi rejected all these complaints, calling them “anti-Islamic drivel. The roles of women are strictly defined in the Quran and subsequent suras. We will follow these guidelines. The same goes for the kind of sexual perverts mentioned by Ms.Stern. As for George Floyd, we see no need to honor a career criminal and drug abuser with a wall decoration that also violates Islamic tenets. We have won the war and it is we who shall issue demands for the losers to fulfill. First on our list is reparations for Gen. Milley’s ‘righteous’ drone strike that killed an innocent NGO aid worker, 7 children and 2 others who had no ties to the ISIS-K suicide bombing that killed US troops at the Kabul Airport.”

In related news, the State Department is refusing to grant the official approval that is needed for private evacuation flights from Afghanistan to land in third countries. A Department spokesman explained that “we don’t want to get involved even if it means that these planes have nowhere to land. We have also disconnected our helpline for Americans seeking to escape from Afghanistan because the existence of this helpline could be perceived as an unwanted intrusion into the sovereignty of the Taliban government. Besides, Secretary Blinken has already accepted the Taliban’s assurance that they will see to the proper disposition of these self-proclaimed refugees.”

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