Call for Military Campaign Against Climate Change

By: John Semmens

The United Kingdom’s Prince Charles called for “a vast military-style campaign to combat climate change” as he opened the COP26 summit in Glasgow. “If we were to bomb refineries, oil wells, coal mines, and nuclear power plants we’d ‘break the backs’ of our chief environmental enemies and restore life to the cleaner pre-industrial age we carelessly tossed aside in a faulty quest to uplift commoners to lifestyles they were never meant to have.”

“Let me remind everyone what smashing job our air forces did in flattening the Third Reich during the 1940s,” the Prince boasted. “Civilized values prevailed over Nazi tyranny by means of uncivilized warfare. To my mind, the threat posed by climate change is far more dangerous than the Nazis ever were. Lets not forget how kind they were to my Great-Uncle Edward. Climate change won’t be anywhere near as merciful. It will massacre Jew and Gentile alike with searing waves of heat and ice that will destroy humanity.”

Ironically, Prince Charles and the 400 other would-be climate change combatants traveled to the summit by private jets, which produced more fossil fuel emissions than the entire population of Scotland did last year.

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