Veep Mystified by Criticism of Her French Accent

By: John Semmens

Vice-President Kamala Harris was video taped using a French accent when she spoke with scientists at the Institut Pasteur in Paris this week. She was widely mocked on social media for this affectation and professed herself “mystified by how cruelly I am being treated.”

“I thought it was polite to speak in the other person's language,” Harris said wiping away a tear. “It's a show of respect. All the French scientists I spoke with seemed happy that I was using their tongue. They smiled and nodded. We were all speaking French. Their accents were the same as mine. We were communicating with complete understanding and agreement.”

“One of the most interesting parts of the conversation was how science in France differs from science in America, “ Harris contended. “In France each scientist offers his own hypothesis. A variety of views are freely presented and contested. All agree that tests must ultimately determine which theories are correct. I explained to them that in America government officials determine which theories are correct and allowed to be promulgated and which are misinformation that must be censored. They seemed to get a kick out of what I said.”

“So, contrary to the contentions that I made a fool of myself, I'm quite sure that the bonds of understanding between our two countries are now stronger for my efforts,” the Vice-President concluded. “I'm thinking my detractors need to have their Twitter accounts suspended for spreading misinformation and undermining the unity that the President and I are working so diligently to achieve.”