By: John Semmens

On Thursday’s “Politics War Room with James Carville & Al Hunt,” long time Democratic political strategist Carville said he has an idea on how to revitalize 2022 election prospects for his Party: make it legal to punch people who are not vaccinated.

“I wish what they’d do is pass a law to make you immune from liability if you punch some unvaccinated person right in the face, which I’d really like to do,” Carville said. “If you ask me what’s my first reaction to you if you’re not vaccinated, you don’t have any medical reason not to be, you’re a piece of sh*t, OK? I just want to punch you in the god—-ed face. That’s the way I look at these people,” Carville said.

“Agreed,” Hunt replied.

Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) empathized with Carville’s frustration, saying “people should voluntarily do whatever the government tells them to do. That’s the only way we can have a unified country. We’ve tried to gain compliance by threatening the jobs of those who don’t comply. We’ve tried barring them from travel and public spaces. But they stubbornly refuse to get with the program. I guess they figure there aren’t enough police to make them obey. I think immunizing any private citizen who punches an unvaccinated jerk will encourage a hundred million who are vaccinated to carry out guerilla action against the scofflaws. Perhaps knowing you could be decked by anyone, anywhere, at any time might add a powerful new incentive to submit to being vaccinated.”

Health & Human Services (HHS) Secretary Xavier Becerra suggested that “sweetening the deal by rewarding each puncher a crack pipe would stimulate those most likely to want to punch someone to actually get off their duffs and do it. I mean, the guys who are punching random Asians without any compensation could be redirected to target the unvaccinated if a proper incentive is offered.”

While governors of multiple states are decreeing the end of assorted covid mandates regarding masks, vaccines, and travel, Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas warned that “now is no time to relax our vigilance. Requiring everyone to ‘mask up,’ and show their vaccine passports to travel or enter public buildings are mainstays of our effort to protect national security.”

“First, they serve as an early warning of trouble,” the Secretary argued. “Anyone one who isn’t wearing a mask is suspect. Anyone who doesn’t immediately put on a mask when ordered to do so is doubly suspect. The same goes for people who don’t have or won’t show their vaccine passport. Quickly identifying these dissenters and malcontents is a key to neutralizing them.”

“Second, the atmosphere of fear that has worked so well for building acceptance of the loss of some personal freedom needs to be sustained should harsher suppression of freedom become necessary,” Mayokas added. “There are too few police to monitor everyone, but the emergence of a greater willingness of neighbors to watch and inform on neighbors is an essential part of the transition to a total security society where the instinct to immediately believe and obey government authorities is everyone’s default setting.”

“The events in Canada where a so-called ‘freedom convoy’ is turning public opinion against the government’s efforts to protect them from covid is an example of what we don’t want to see happen here,” he warned. “The backtracking toward freedom that is insidiously arising threatens every advance we have made over the past two years. We must resist the siren song that would lure people to favor personal liberty over disciplined obedience. So, I’m urging us to hold the line and stay on the path to a new socially progressive world order.”

By: John Semmens

During the January 6, 2021 melee at the US Capitol, DC Metro Police Officer Lila Morris beat Rosanne Boyland to death with a steel baton and a large wooden stick at the entrance to the West Terrace tunnel. At the time, Boyland was lying unconscious on the floor. While the beating took place Justin Winchell, Boyland’s traveling companion, pleaded with police to provide medical aid. Since the unconscious woman was not resisting arrest or posing a danger to anyone, the beating appeared unnecessary and cruel.

The DC Metro Police conducted its own investigation of the incident and Capt. David Augustine, director of the Risk Management Division of the MPD Internal Affairs Bureau proclaimed the beating “objectively reasonable. The invaders of the Capitol were insurrectionists, traitors. Officer Morris was within her rights to simply shoot Boyland, like Lt. Michael Byrd shot Ashley Babbii. The fact that Morris eschewed the use of her service weapon and settled for a less dangerous method to punish this invader was laudable.”

Morris’ “heroic actions” were rewarded with a trip to the Superbowl as “an honored guest.” Her steel baton is now on exhibit at the Smithsonian Institute. Augustine invited “patriotic Americans to stop by to see this and other new exhibits memorializing the brave officers who risked their lives to kill the enemies of democracy who disrupted Congress’ duty to affirm the election of President Biden.”

By: John Semmens

Cyber security expert J. Alex Halderman’s sworn testimony that his 12 week investigation of Dominion Voting Systems’ machines “identified multiple severe security flaws that would allow bad actors to install malicious software.” Plaintiffs in a case challenging Georgia’s continued use of these machines want Halderman’s report made public.

On February 2, U.S. District Judge Amy Totenberg ruled that the federal Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Agency (CISA) should have a look at the report before any decision about making it public is rendered. The CISA opposes immediate release of the findings because “more time is needed to assess the risks and how to mitigate them.”

CISA Director Jen Easterly advised that “rather than jump to conclusions, I think we need to see another iteration of these machines being used on the upcoming 2022 House and Senate elections. This will give us a chance to catch any cheaters in the act. Just because the machines are vulnerable doesn’t prove that these vulnerabilities are of sufficient magnitude to warrant the tedious work of trying to prevent them from being exploited to alter the voters’ intended choices. Neither can it be proven that altering the actual ballots is a bad thing. It’s quite possible that unmodified voting could result in a disastrous election outcome.”

Feds Oppose Exposure of Voting Machine Flaws

Cyber security expert J. Alex Halderman’s sworn testimony that his 12 week investigation of Dominion Voting Systems’ machines “identified multiple severe security flaws that would allow bad actors to install malicious software.” Plaintiffs in a case challenging Georgia’s continued use of these machines want Halderman’s report made public.

On February 2, U.S. District Judge Amy Totenberg ruled that the federal Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Agency (CISA) should have a look at the report before any decision about making it public is rendered. The CISA opposes immediate release of the findings because “more time is needed to assess the risks and how to mitigate them.”

CISA Director Jen Easterly advised that “rather than jump to conclusions, I think we need to see another iteration of these machines being used on the upcoming 2022 House and Senate elections. This will give us a chance to catch any cheaters in the act. Just because the machines are vulnerable doesn’t prove that these vulnerabilities are of sufficient magnitude to warrant the tedious work of trying to prevent them from being exploited to alter the voters’ intended choices. Neither can it be proven that altering the actual ballots is a bad thing. It’s quite possible that unmodified voting could result in a disastrous election outcome.”

By: John Semmens

Alarmed that the recent Supreme Court overruling of President Biden’s vaccine mandate “could unleash a monster wave of covid that will decimate the world’s piopulation,” T-Mobile proclaimed its own mandate. In a memo addressed to everyone alive, the Company announced that every employee, every vendor of components for our products, and every consumer of our services must be vaccinated by April 2, 2022.”

“Those not in compliance will be appropriately sanctioned,” the memo added. “Disobedient employees will be fired, Vendors’ contracts will be cancelled. Customers’ cell phone service will be terminated.”

CEO Michael Sievert explained, “I was having nightmares that civilization as we know it could be brought down by a combination of aloof and uncaring Justices, the evil machinations of medical quacks, and the indifference of the masses who inordinately prize personal autonomy. While President Biden’s heart is in the right place, he lacks the personal discipline to utilize the full power inherent in the Office of the President of the United States to rescue us from the looming catastrophe. T-Mobile will now fill the vacuum.”

By: John Semmens

Time has not be kind to the concoction of measures Dr. Anthony Fauci recommended and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) approved for dealing with the covid pandemic. Experience and research has shown that masks don’t work, the lockdowns did more harm than good, and the vaccines have failed to prevent their recipients from becoming infected and transmitting the virus to others.

When questioned at a Senate hearing, Fauci declared himself free of any blame, saying “I was only following the CDC guidelines.” Challenged by Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ken) who contended that “I don’t see how following guidelines you had a major hand in designing absolves you of responsibility,” Fauci pointed out that “I, as well as Drs. Redfield and Walensky, are government employees. As such we are covered by sovereign immunity and cannot be personally held responsible for anything done in our official capacities.”

Fauci went on to argue that “the real villains during this pandemic are the naysayers who rejected official policy and worked to spread disloyalty by disseminating misinformation. The research they presented was never approved by the CDC. Yet, they used their positions as doctors, scientists, and professors as a pseudo validation to try to undermine the approved official narrative. If there is anything to blame the government for it is the failure to use its considerable might to more thoroughly censor and punish deviant opinions issuing from anyone who has not followed the science, and by science, I mean me.”

By: John Semmens

Fox News host Tucker Carlson pointed to the City of Baltimore’s under-performing public schools as a crucial factor in the City’s awful crime rate. “It’s because the schools are so bad that the hordes of young people exiting these schools are left without the knowledge and skills they should have been taught that so many end up committing crimes as a means of survival,” Carlson said. “Since many of these crimes are perpetrated against minorities this part of the community is doubly victimized.”

Mayor Brandon Scott (D) called Carlson’s remarks “racist vitriol. Carlson well knows that the ancestors of the blacks committing crimes were slaves. Slaves weren’t taught the skills or knowledge to succeed in the commercial world. Their descendants still suffer from the same handicap. It is the Democratic Party that has championed government welfare programs to offset the lack of knowledge and skills by ensuring that their needs can be met without having to earn their own living. It is right-wingers like Carlson who oppose this life-sustaining support.”

Scott blamed black-on-black crime “on the failure of the perpetrators to comprehend what the government has done for them and to allow greed and impatience to overtake good sense. Preying on members of their own race is not cool. If these criminals had any sense they’d be targeting the descendants of the people who oppressed their ancestors. These whites usually have more money to rob and warrant having to repay for the suffering their ancestors inflicted. The more effective way to accomplish the repayment of this old debt is to let the government do it. Government can take much larger amounts from white people and it’s all legal.”

By: John Semmens

Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker (D) celebrated “the opening of a new call center that will encourage more women to make our state the destination of choice for aborting their unwanted babies. Last year even without the call center we saw 10,000 more women travel here from other states to use our state-of-the-art life termination facilities. This was a 29% boost in output. Our new call center promises to accelerate this growth in business.”

Pritzker called abortion “a potential growth industry for our state in the event that the Supreme Court overrules its 1973 Roe v. Wade decision and returns the issue of whether to allow abortions to the states. Many of the other states will likely place more restrictions on the practice out of a misguided respect for human life. We will be the safe harbor for women whose home states refuse to meet their demands. The revenues earned will enable us to put more of our residents on public welfare, sparing them from the leisure-robbing rigors of providing for themselves.”

The Governor also called “the shift from an economy based on smoke-belching steel factories, rail transportation, and bucolic pursuits to one based on the cleaner medical abortion industry will help purify our air and fight climate change. The people of this state should be proud of the contribution we are making to Mother Earth by opting to become the nation’s leader in this vital medical field.”

By: John Semmens

As the inflation that the President predicted would be “only temporary” six-months ago reached a 40 year high, NBC anchor Lester Holt was chastized by Biden as “a wise guy” for bringing the issue up in a recent interview.

“It’s disrespectful to throw my past words in my face, especially when the statement I made is incontrovertibly true,” Biden insisted. “Look, here’s the deal. Everything is temporary. Nothing goes on forever. The worst case of inflation in world history took place in Germany during the 1920s. That came to an end when their currency became worthless and a new Mark was established. That was followed by a boom during the 1930s when a huge government spending program revived their economy.”

“It’s the Republicans who are preventing us from following that successful model by blocking my ‘build back better’ legislation,” the President charged. “The $2 trillion in added spending would have infused our economy with the cash needed to pay the higher prices that inflation was inflicting on those least able to afford it. The opponents of my plan are the real villains in this crisis.”

Biden also rejected Holt’s question about an Army report that concluded the August Afghanistan withdrawal was not handled well. “I don’t know how they came to that conclusion,” he said. “My closest advisors have all reassured me that we did the best that we could. Only a few thousand US citizens were left behind. No one could’ve prevented that. I am shocked that our Army has maligned their Commander-in-Chief with a contradictory account.”

Afterward, the President chided Holt “for his disloyalty. Almost every media outlet is on-board with the official narrative on these issues. I can’t explain Holt’s deviation from it. I may have to have him replaced.”

In related news, Biden denied he is using “any ideological criteria” in the search for the next Supreme Court Justice. “As I have tried to make clear, the key factors will be race, gender, an ample bosom, and an arousing musky odor. Where a potential nominee stands on the Constitution and the law are irrelevant.”