The Biden Administration has ramped up its drive to transform public schools into LGBTQ recruitment centers by threatening to withhold federal lunch assistance funds from schools that refuse to require that boys be allowed into girls’ lavatories and locker rooms. Ironically, the Administration is citing Title IX—a section of federal law that is meant to ensure fair treatment for girls in school programs.

Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona asserted that “for too long our society has been locked onto the archaic idea that DNA determines the sex of individuals. Modern science recognizes that sexual identity is a matter of choice. Just because a person was declared ‘male’ at the time of birth shouldn’t be used to deny an individual’s right to choose ‘female’ or one of the multiplicities of other genders currently known to exist. Protecting this right by any means necessary is our policy. Withholding food aid is a means we can deploy by executive action. Those who choose to resist complying can feed themselves from their own resources.”

By: John Semmens

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md) rejected suggestions that would make schools “harder targets” by training and arming some of the staff could be a sensible solution for deterring or countering massacres of students.

“I’m surprised my Republican colleagues find the idea of arming teachers an appealing option,” Hoyer said. “Isn’t it teachers who are ramming critical race theory down the throats of the students? Isn’t it teachers who are grooming kids to become homosexuals and transgenders? Isn’t it teachers who are having sex with students? Why would Republicans want to arm such people?”

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg called the idea that we can make our schools safer by making it harder for lunatics to get in and murder the children “insane. Trying to keep people out is racist and undemocratic. Whether it’s schools or our southern border, keeping people from illegally entering fosters animosity. Animosity is what motivates people to harm others. School doors need to remain open for all. I’d like to leave my doors open but there are too many people out there who want to hurt me because I’m gay. If the LGBTQ indoctrination at our schools is successful, one day gays will be the majority and I’ll feel safer leaving my doors open.”

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton called hardening the target “a sensible option for improving school safety. The notion that outlawing guns can be effective is fatally flawed. People that are shooting people, that are killing kids, they’re not following murder laws. They’re not going to follow gun laws. Having decent, law-abiding individuals armed and trained would provide an extra layer of defense. As we saw at Uvalde, a good guy with a gun was what took down the shooter. Meanwhile, the city police sat by for more than a hour waiting for special equipment to arrive.”

By: John Semmens

By a vote of 339 to 249 Members of the European Parliament (MEP) voted to outlaw fossil-fueled vehicles by the year 2035. Netherlands MEP Jan Huitema characterized the decision as “our last best chance to save the planet.”

BMW CEO Oliver Zipse pointed out that “a focus on tailpipe emissions neglects to take into account the total pollution impact of switching to battery-powered vehicles. First of all, they are more expensive. Many of the components require rare minerals—some of them from unreliable sources of supply like China. Worn out batteries cannot be safely disposed of without creating environmental problems. The electricity consumed in manufacturing the vehicles is mostly fossil-fueled generated. We’d be exchanging tailpipe emissions for smokestack emissions.”

Huitema waved away objections as “incompatible with climate change goals. The fact of the matter is that too many people do too much unnecessary motorized traveling. It’s unhealthy. Almost everything a person needs can be obtained from sources within walking distance. Walking is good exercise. Fewer people would be obese if we all walked more. For those who can’t walk we can return to the trusty old sedan chair to get around. The emissions of those who walk or carry the sedan chairs will be less harmful than the CO2 emitted by gasoline engines. As for the heavy stuff, ox-carts would be a more environmentally friendly method for hauling what needs to be hauled.”

“Civilization existed for thousands of years using these simpler methods for transporting persons and goods,” Huitema asserted. “We shouldn’t be so arrogant that we demand more than was adequate for our ancestors when the fate of the planet is at stake.”

In related news, the number of birds and bats being killed by environmentally mandated wind turbines is seriously disrupting natural food chains. Carolin Scholz of the Leibniz Institute for Zoo and Wildlife Research said “the decimation of birds and bats who help keep insect pest populations in check will have concerning impacts on food production and disease transmission. Shifting to wind power generation is not without negative ecological consequences.”

Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) says Fox News’ decision to not provide live coverage of the January 6 Committee hearings “is a cowardly betrayal of the American people. Every other news channel is covering the hearings. The unity of the nation requires that all news channels present the same information. If Fox won’t do that voluntarily we need to explore methods for compelling them to do their patriotic duty.”

In addition to his irritation at the refusal to provide live coverage of the hearing, Schumer objected to Fox commentator Tucker Carlson’s characterization of the continued holding of January 6 rioters without trial as unconstitutional. “Who is Carlson to say what is and isn’t constitutional?” Schumer wanted to know. “Only the government is authorized to determine what is constitutional and what is not. Carlson’s intrusion into the matter strikes me as treasonous sedition. Maybe he’d like to join the traitors he is trying to defend?”

Carlson called Schumer’s threats “the very tyranny that our Constitution was designed to avert. The First Amendment guarantees freedom of the press. It is for Fox to decide what news it will cover. We are not legally required to broadcast the Democrats’ show trial. The Sixth Amendment guarantees every accused person a speedy trial by an impartial jury. Some of the people being held in the DC jail have been there for more than a year. They are being denied a speedy trial. The January 6 Committee is not impartial. It is a partisan undertaking. The Republicans were denied an opportunity to appoint their rightful share of the members on the Committee. The only Republicans that Speaker Pelosi would allow on the panel were the two—Liz Cheney (Wyoming) and Adam Kinzinger (Illinois)—who already agreed that Trump is guilty. Senator Schumer’s plea for unity on behalf of this biased process is an evil that all honorable people ought to resist.”

Fox’s decision not to air the hearing live was vindicated by the poor viewership enjoyed by the gaggle of cable channels that did. Even President Biden admitted “I didn’t watch the hearing. Why would I watch a hearing? Shouldn’t I listen for a hearing? You’re talking nonsense.” Aides report that “actually, he tried to watch the Sponge Bob Square Pants movie airing at 9 p.m., but fell asleep about ten-minutes in.”

By: John Semmens

The January 6 insurrection show trial opened with Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo) making an irrefutable case for Trump’s guilt.

“First, we have his own words spoken just minutes before his mob of supporters telling them ‘to peacefully and patriotically march to the Capitol and make your voices heard,’” Cheney pointed out. “These are code words—dog whistles if you prefer—instructing them to violently and treasonously attack Congress.”

“Second, the claim that these insurrectionists were unarmed is a distraction,” she argued. “They knew that the Capitol Police had weapons and could have easily overwhelmed them and seized those weapons. That’s why the Capitol Police had to be ready to use all reasonable force to quell the rebellion. Luckily, Ashley Babbitt was the only one who had to be killed in order to maintain the peace.”

“Third, Trump’s offer on January 2^nd to send 20,000 National Guard troops to protect the Capitol was thwarted by Speaker Nancy Pelosi who cleverly refused to allow these troops to be put at her disposal. She remembered how Russian troops refused to fire on citizens protesting a coup against the Yeltsin government seeking to reestablish the Soviet Union in the 1990s. Rather than being saddled with troops that might refuse orders to shoot the insurrectionists she expected to enter the Capitol, she wisely relied upon the Capitol Police’s loyalty and was proved correct.”

Confident that Trump will be found guilty, Cheney has been soliciting donations for her reelection campaign from former Trump Administration aides that have been subpoenaed by Committee to appear as witnesses. “I’m giving these rats a fair chance to desert a sinking ship and save themselves from going to jail by joining the winning team,” she explained.

Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY) called Cheney’s solicitation “witness tampering. It is not something an honest person would do. At best, it is improper conduct. Some might suspect it conveys more than a hint of extortion or intimidation. I can’t imagine that any money she might get out of this would overcome the revulsion that the voters of her state must feel toward such tactics.”

By: John Semmens

The City of Portland, Maine has opted to raise property taxes in order to provide free housing for asylum seekers. The average home price in the City is $475, 000. Up to now the tax on such a house has been $5,200. The expected additional annual levy is in the $350 range.

Portland Mayor Kate Snyder said “so-called asylum seekers are being sent here without us being consulted or even getting any prior notice from the Biden Administration. Housing them has become a significant financial burden.”

“The property tax hike was just one of the options the City Council considered,” the Mayor admitted. “Other suggestions from citizens attending the Council meeting included putting them on buses to DC like like some Republican governors have done, asking them to get jobs and pay their own bills, or requisitioning vacant space in homes too large for the current inhabitants like was done in New England in the 1770s.”

The Mayor contends that two of the suggested alternatives “are too inhospitable. Asking people to pay their own way or sending them to the nation’s capital is something that Republicans would do. Well, we’re not Republicans. Requisitioning excess space in people’s homes would be equitable, but would require too much work. Squeezing taxpayers for a few hundred dollars more each year is the most efficient course of action.”

By: John Semmens

The largest newspaper chain in the US has told its editors to modify their op ed publication policy. CEO Mike Reed cited reader complaints for the policy shift, saying “our effort to fit in with the unity theme of the Biden Administration has not set well among our readers. They don’t want our papers to tell them how to think. They suggest that we hire writers who are not left-wing activists.”

“The big problem is that the number of subscribers is declining,” Reed continued. “While 80% of our readers who are Democrats express trust and confidence, only 35% of our readers who are Republicans do. Six years ago the trust and confidence numbers for the two groups was 80% and 70%, respectively. Clearly, preaching to the choir is not a viable business strategy. We need to rectify this.”

Reed indicated that “the basic approach will to leave pages devoted to political news blank with only neutral sounding words like ‘Inflation: Curse or Blessing?’ ‘Criminals: Let Them All Go Free or Kill Them?’ or ‘Is Nuclear War the Answer?’ as the headlines. Readers can then fill in the blank spaces with whatever content they want. I think readers will feel more a part of the process than they do now with our predominately left-wing slant. Uniform political rhetoric will be replaced with a wider array of ideas, some of them crazy, some of them new and innovative. Satisfaction rates among our readers should go up and more subscriptions be sold. Since our readers will be writing for free we’ll also save the money we were paying the left-wing activists to write for us.”

Biden Administration Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre called USA Today‘s change in policy “a disturbing threat to the unity the President has been seeking to inflict on the American people. Who knows what kind of nonsense will show up in the blank spaces provided? Filling those pages with the words of left-wing activists was a main bulwark for preserving our peoples’ democratic republic. The President may be forced to issue an order to shut the USA Today chain down.”

By: John Semmens

This week the Associated Press (AP) published a dire warning that white Cristian nationalists “may drastically alter the composition of the American government this November by voting against Democrats. By cunningly confining their tactics to the completely legal option of voting against those in power they could force changes that would upset the unity President Biden has arduously struggled to achieve.”

MSNBC talking head Joy Reid hailed the AP warning, calling it “a timely and desperately needed alert. We in the mainstream media need to take a stronger stand against these enemies of democracy. We can’t afford to keep pretending to objectively present opposing views. Christian nationalism poses a very real threat to American national security and social cohesion. If we sit by and allow them to elect the kind of people who will favor their values the right to an abortion will be seriously curtailed. The progress that has been made to normalize LGBTQ values will be derailed. And the premise of universal white guilt will be undermined.”

Writer David Bates cautioned “don’t let their peaceful methods and demeanor fool you. They will go after every office and seat, from the White House to school boards, city councils, even library boards—voting in massive numbers unlike we have ever seen before. This is what fascism looks like in America in the 21^st century. We must not forget that Hitler was elected to office and used that office’s authority to declare an emergency that allowed him to rule by decree. Any tactic that can thwart them is justifiable.”

The irony is that many of the Democrats who might be voted out of office have cunningly used the democratic system to gain power. They vote in large numbers. Sometimes their fear of losing has driven them to vote more than once or even after they’re dead. Once their favored candidates are in office they have used that office’s authority to declare emergencies and ruled by decree—labeling opposing views disinformation and demanded these views be censored.

In related news, the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Agency (CISA) issued an alert warning that “Dominion voting machines have software vulnerabilities that leave them susceptible to hacking.” An example of what could happen was demonstrated in the recent Democratic primary in DeKalb County Georgia. The Dominion machines made Marshall Orson the winner. Third place finisher Michelle Long Spears called for a hand count after numerous precincts showed her getting zero votes. The hand count showed she was the winner and Orson the third place finisher. Fraud is suspected.

By: John Semmens

Research carried out by the Homeland Security Institute at Purdue University shows that the presence of an armed school resource officer and having 5% to 10% of the teachers and staff trained to carry and use firearms can reduce fatalities in an active shooter situation by 80%. Furthermore, a recent poll by the Trafalgar Group found that 57% of voters say the absence of armed school staff members makes schools more dangerous. Thirty-one percent disagreed.

In Ohio they have a program called FASTER (Faculty/Administrator Safety Training & Emergency Response). It was established after the 2012 mass shooting of students at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut. In the decade since the FASTER program began there has never been an incident of an accidental discharge of a firearm by a teacher. Neither has there been an instance of a gun being taken by a student. Colorado has a similar program.

Despite the research results and voter support for this approach, most Democrats oppose arming any school staff. President Biden insists “it’s time we ban all assault weapons. This is not about taking away anyone’s guns. It’s about making it illegal to own them.”

In Texas, Democrat gubernatorial candidate Beto O’Rourke called for “confiscating all AR-15 and AK-47 rifles. If I were governor instead of the do-nothing Abbott, the shootings in the Uvalde elementary school would never have happened. I’m confident that the voters won’t make the mistake of reelecting this dud in November.”

In Florida, Democrat gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist promised “to outlaw assault weapons the day I take office. I agree with Rep. Cicilline (D-RI). Spare me the bullshit about constitutional rights. Anyone who’s not insane knows it’s past time that we disarm those who have no need to own guns. When the police and armed forces are the only ones with guns no unauthorized mass shootings will be possible. Everyone who wants a safer future must vote Democrat this year.”

By: John Semmens

In a speech to the graduating class of the US Naval Academy, President Biden revealed that in 1965 Sen. Senator J. Caleb Boggs (R-Del) signed a letter recommending him for admission to the Naval Academy. Biden said he decided not to go to the Academy because his desire to play starting quarterback on the football team was blocked by Roger Staubach—the greatest player to ever play for Navy and later MVP for the Superbowl winning Dallas Cowboys. Biden played football in high school, but graduated from the University of Delaware in 1965 with no varsity football experience.

In a speech to the Coast Guard during a change of command ceremony, the President warned that “global warming will soon shift the American coastline hundreds of miles inland from where it is now. Scranton—my hometown—will become the major eastern seaport of the country. Washington, DC will be completely submerged. It’s no joke.”

CBS News White House correspondent Ed O’Keefe asked Biden’s new Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre if she could clarify what the President was trying to say, but she rebuffed his request, saying “I don’t pay no attention to what that crazy white dude says. None of it makes any sense. I would advise you to do likewise.”