Abortion the Top Priority for Democrats

By John Semmens

This week President Biden announced that the first piece of legislation that he will ask Congress to enact in 2023 is “a bill restoring the nationwide right to an abortion that was illegally undone by the Supreme Court this year. The notion that each state should be allowed to decide for itself whether to permit or restrict this sacred right is the kind of disunity that I pledged to eradicate when I took my oath of office in January of 2021. We simply cannot not abide different rights in different states.”

“Not only should every woman everywhere be allowed to obtain an abortion,” Biden added. “The government must cover the cost of the procedure so that even the poorest woman has an equal opportunity to dispose of an unwanted child at no out-of-pocket cost. The contention that one’s personal religious beliefs or ethical objections to killing an unborn baby should exempt him from being compelled to finance another person’s abortion is at odds with the principles of a progressive society and can no longer be tolerated.”

Biden’s pitch for a nationwide expansion of abortion rights was seconded by Georgia Democratic gubernatorial nominee Stacey Abrams, who maintains that “restricting abortion enslaves women. Bearing and raising children is hard work. Denying women the option of avoiding this work by limiting their access to abortion is slavery, pure and simple.” Abrams also went on to recommend that “a good way to offset the impact of rising prices would be to abort that extra mouth to feed during these hard times.”

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) is running a reelection campaign ad that urges women “to avoid the risk of being arrested for killing your unborn child by voting Democrat. Republicans are willing to allow states to restrict when–typically not after viability–and how–usually barring dismemberment or requiring anesthesia to prevent the baby from experiencing pain–abortions are performed. Only a Democrat majority in Congress can be counted on to maintain a ‘no holds barred’ approach to ending an unwanted pregnancy. Remember that when you cast your ballots.”

Dems Blame Moderators

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D-Mich) and Rep. Elissa Slotkin (D-Mich) blamed their lackluster performances in two separate debates this week on the debate moderators.

During her debate with Whitmer, Republican challenger Tudor Dixon argued that “I am merely trying to call attention to the gap between the Governor’s 2018 pre-election promises and her performance in office. Rather than keeping the people safe from criminals she wants to disarm law-abiding gun owners. While rioting in America’s streets over the death of George Floyd was killing people and destroying property the Governor said she supported the ‘spirit’ of the defund the police movement.”

Whitmer complained that Dixon “showed complete disregard for my emergency powers as governor. She was repeatedly allowed to use my own words against me. The moderators should have called her out for doing this to me. There was no real-time fact-checking of the sort that the media has consistently applied to proponents of unacceptable views and opinions over the past two years of the pandemic.”

After her debate with Republican state Sen. Tom Barrett, Slotkin was especially aggrieved that Tim Skubick of WLNS, the person she hand-picked to moderate, did not raise the abortion issue during the October 6 debate. “Skubick’s excuse that we had already covered this ground in our September 25 debate was indefensible,” Slotkin ranted. “I didn’t choose him as a moderator to be an impartial journalist. I chose him to help me make my case for reelection. His failure to fulfill my expectations was disrespectful.” After the tongue lashing from Slotkin, Skubick apologized.

Trump Plea for Peace Rejected

By John Semmens

Alarmed by the increasingly dangerous rhetoric regarding the Ukraine-Russian war, former President Donald Trump has offered to try “to negotiate peace before we lapse into World War III.” President Biden objected to “this unwanted intrusion. I won the 2020 election, not Trump. I represent the will of the people. What Trump wants doesn’t matter. What I want does. We are confronting Putin’s threat to use nukes in Ukraine and countering it with our threat to nuke Russia if he does.”

Biden went on to point out that “all the great thinkers are with me on this. European Union foreign policy chief Josep Borrell says we should annihilate the Russian Army if they use nukes against Ukraine. Rep. Liz Cheney and all the mainstream Republicans back standing up to Putin. Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky has already called for a nuclear strike on Russia. We are unified in our position of strength.”

Biden went on to mock those who fear nuclear war, saying “I see that failed presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard—you know, I beat her before I beat Trump—has leaped on the cowards’ express train—even going so far as to leave the Democratic Party that allowed her to represent the state of Hawaii in Congress. And that kooky Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban who believes Trump could do a better job on this issue than I can. Does he not recognize that I can have the FBI arrest Trump whenever I want to? Putin should know that nobody f***s with a Biden. And if he doesn’t, well, we are prepared. I can be inside the White House bomb-proof shelter within minutes. I have purchased $290 million worth of Chinese anti-radiation drugs to treat the survivors of any nuclear exchange we have with Russia.”

Gabbard responded to Biden’s eagerness for war, saying that “his thinking on this issue vindicates my decision to leave the Democratic Party because it is now under the complete control of an elitist cabal of warmongers driven by cowardly wokeness, who divide us by racializing every issue, stoke anti-white racism, actively work to undermine our God-given freedoms, are hostile to people of faith and spirituality, demonize the police and protect criminals at the expense of law-abiding Americans, believe in open borders, weaponize the national security state to go after political opponents, and above all, are dragging us ever closer to nuclear war.”

In related news, Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn) suggested that “a little saber rattling in the direction of Saudi Arabia for their refusal to help out our Party by delaying their oil production cuts until after the November elections seems warranted. For years we have looked the other way as Saudi Arabia has chopped up journalists and engaged in massive political repression, for one reason: we wanted to know that when the chips were down, we could count on them to help us out. If we’re going to nuke Russia maybe we could also launch a few at Saudi Crown Price Mohammed bin Salman.”

Google Blocking GOP Emails

By John Semmens

Republican National Committee chairwoman Ronna McDaniel complained that “this week we discovered that Google’s gmail algorithm designates emails originating from Republican authors as ’spam.’ This routes them into users’ spam folders where they go unnoticed and unread. So far, an estimated 22 million of our emails have suffered this fate. This is outrageous voter suppression by big tech and we have to hold them accountable.”

Google CEO Sundar Pichai defended the algorithm as “part of our customer service. Rather than letting gmail users be inundated with the despicable lies propagated by people that President Biden has identified as ‘enemies of our democracy,’ we are sparing them the time and trouble of having them pop up in their inboxes. Since we offer gmail service for free we feel it is our constitutional right to censor speech of which we disapprove.”

Trump Offers Services

By John Semmens

The recent success of Ukraine’s counterattack against the Russian troops that invaded has sent them into a disorderly retreat. Putin has sent press gangs around Russia to draft 300,000 more men into his army. A bogus referendum held in parts of the Russian-occupied portions of Ukraine is being used to justify their annexation to Russia. Belarus is offering to send 100,000 troops to help defend the annexed territory from Ukrainian aggression. Last, but not least, Putin is threatening to use nuclear weapons—citing the precedent established by the atomic bombs the US dropped on Japan to end World War II.

President Biden has taken a basic “bring it on stance” and promised to “do whatever is necessary to defeat Russian aggression.” This included a February 24 threat to prevent the use of Russia’s Nord Stream Pipeline if Russia invaded Ukraine. This week, that pipeline was blown up. In addition, Biden has managed to funnel more than $50 billion in military aid to the government of Ukraine—a step which leaves US stockpiles of non-nuclear weapons at severely depleted levels.

Concerned that we may be on the road to World War III, former President Trump has offered his deal-making services to President Biden. “We need to be strategic, be smart and get a negotiated deal done NOW!” Trump said. “Both sides need it. The entire World is at stake.”

Biden rejected Trump’s offer, saying “if the American people had wanted Trump to handle foreign affairs they wouldn’t have elected me. His attempt to meddle in foreign affairs is a violation of the Logan Act. This is yet another demonstration of Trump’s intent to overthrow our democracy and will be added to the list of charges against him which is currently being compiled by Attorney General Garland. I will do things my way. I will call Putin’s bluff. I will remind him that the bunker I have is far more secure than the Hitler bunker that Russian troops overran at the end of World War II was.”