Fauci Invests in Humanized Mice

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

At a Pennsylvania House hearing this week, witnesses testified about experimental research involving scalping aborted babies and grafting those scalps onto mice. The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) funded this research with more than $400,000 in taxpayer dollars given to the University of Pittsburgh to conduct the experiment.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, head of NIAID, defended the expenditure, maintaining that “millions of lives are ruined by premature baldness. The social stigma of being hairless at a young age can devastate the delicate psyches of the men affected. Some even become suicidal. Research to see if viable human scalps could be nurtured by host rodents could help mitigate this malady.”

Fauci brushed off objections to this use of tax funds, saying that “every little bit we can do to help folks get through life is a legitimate use of public money. The aborted individuals obviously have no further need for their scalps. Why let them go to waste in the incinerator when they might save another person’s life down the road? Why use mice? Well, there could be negative outcomes that we wouldn’t want to inflict on volunteer human hosts. Mice are an expendable life form that has a long tradition of participating in medical experiments.”

DeSantis’ Remarks Called Racist

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-Fla) issued a warning to leaders of Black Lives Matter and Antifa that “rioting will not be tolerated in our state. You may get away with this kind of destructive action in Portland, but not here.” The Governor added that “truly peaceful protests are protected by the First Amendment, but the minute you harm somebody else, or you harm somebody’s property, the way we’re going to stop it is to have very swift penalties for it.”

Vice-President Kamala Harris, called DeSantis’ stance “inherently racist. His notion that a peaceful demonstration is the only legitimate way to protest is ‘white thinking.’ After 400 years of oppression by white folks, people of color have earned the right to lash out at any and all members of the race that has oppressed them. This includes looting and burning of their property. Whites who attempt to violate this right do so at their own risk.”

Harris said “coming on the heels of the Jim Crow voting law that he just signed, it appears that DeSantis is trying to goad civil rights champions like Black Lives Matter and Antifa into confrontation with Florida police. Let me issue a warning to him. Any use of force to impede the actions of these groups will trigger the dispatch of federal troops to ensure the safety of the protesters. The choice the Governor has to face is whether he will respect a woke mode of protest and the modicum of damage done or whether he prefers to be displaced by marshal law. Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler has already faced this type of situation and has chosen wisely. He’s still Mayor and is not under arrest.”

Poor Jobs Report Sparks Debate

The Labor Department’s April employment report showed unemployment ticking up. This contradicted expert expectations that the Biden stimulus spending would generate a million more jobs. Only 266,000 jobs were created during the month.

President Biden blamed former President Trump, saying that “the attack on the Capitol that he ordered his followers to carry out has made a lot of people too scared to take a job. They fear that a right-wing mob may swarm their place of employment and expose them to the same dangers that faced members of Congress on January 6th.”

Chamber of Commerce executive vice president and chief policy officer Neil Bradley disagreed, calling the President’s logic “unpersuasive. A more tangible factor is the fact that the government’s unemployment compensation package exceeds the wages available for many jobs. Given the choice of having to endure a pay cut if they take a job, many are opting to remain unemployed.”

Biden dismissed the Chamber’s view as “malarkey. My Dad always told me, ‘Joey, it’s not just about the paycheck. It’s also about the dignity of having a useful place in the community.’ No self-respecting adult would give up that place just to live off the federal teat.”

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn), backer of a $2,000 per month federal payment to every person, labeled Biden’s perspective “discredited ‘white thinking.’ Work is for suckers. The government has the power to create as much money as is needed to let everyone enjoy a decent standard of living without having to submit to wage-slavery to get it. What we need is for policymakers to have the courage to boost America up into a totally different way of living.” Fifty-seven fellow Congresspersons have co-sponsored Omar’s bill to award these monthly payments.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) rejected the idea that increased unemployment is a bad thing. “As I have been saying for years, unemployment compensation is a greater stimulator of the economy than anything else,” she asserted. “We shouldn’t bemoan an uptick in unemployment. The more people who are unemployed, the faster our economy will grow. What we need to do right now is pass more spending bills. If we can break the link between work and income we will finally achieve liberty from wage-slavery.”

Press Secretary Jen Psaki hastened to clarify the President’s statement, saying “he was just reminiscing about stuff his Dad told him seventy years ago. In no way did he mean to imply that people living on welfare are not self-respecting just because they have adapted to a lifestyle pioneered in America by President Johnson’s War on Poverty. This money isn’t just handed out randomly. Recipients have to do some things to qualify. One of the most important of these things is giving birth to the next generation of Democrat voters. Those who pay the taxes should be grateful that the price for keeping the fascist Republicans from destroying our democracy is so low.”

AOC Wants Civilian Climate Change Corps

Inspired by FDR’s Civilian Conservation Corps, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) wants to establish a Civilian Climate Change Corps (CCCC).

“This Corps will achieve two major objectives,” she said. “First, it will battle the scourge of carbon dioxide that is the chief culprit in global warming. Second, it will provide jobs for healthy young people and help extricate our economy from the depression inflicted on it by Trump.”

“The main method the Corps will employ is to practice slow breathing,” the Congresswoman explained. “Normally, young people are very active. In this active state heavy breathing takes place. This means increased volumes of carbon dioxide are exhaled. This aggravates the greenhouse effect. By organizing these youths to spend full workdays consisting of repose the amount of CO2 emitted will be substantially reduced.”

Co-sponsor of the proposed legislation Sen. Edward Markey (D-Mass) said “ideally, a starting cadre would be trained in carbon dioxide reduction techniques such as sofa surfing, lolling around, and catnaps extending to 20 hours a day. Once trained they would go back among their peers as apostles of these techniques as multilevel marketing envoys acquiring converts who would expand the operation at an exponential rate. The only thing I can think of that might have a greater impact would be mass suicide.”

President Biden is said to be onboard with the CCCC idea. Deputy press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre claimed that “the President was modeling the slow breathing technique all throughout the 2020 campaign. Instead of wasting his breath crisscrossing the country holding rallies like Trump did, he was spending most of each day napping and chilling at home. He believes that if more people could do this more of the time we could substantially slow the emission of CO2 and perhaps prevent climate change from destroying the planet. And for God’s sake, wear a mask. Inhaling your own CO2 saves someone else from having to inhale it.”

Spying on Americans to Be Privatized

Technically, it is illegal for the government to spy on American citizens without a court supervised “probable cause” being established first. This has the Biden Administration considering “partnering” with private corporations to get the job done.

Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas pointed out that “the First Amendment prohibits the government from abridging freedom of speech. As we have seen though, privately owned corporations are free to abridge anyone’s freedom of speech for any reason or no reason. We see Facebook and Twitter silencing people on a regular basis for expressing opinions they don’t like.”

“So, we got to thinking that privately owned corporations might also be exempt from the Fourth Amendment’s ban on unreasonable searches,” Mayorkas said. “What if we were to contract with these private corporations to do the searching that the federal government is prohibited from doing? Businesses like Facebook and Twitter have access to the content of every message sent, received, or posted on their systems. They could do the dirty work for us. The information they could provide would greatly increase the number of disloyal citizens we could apprehend and convict. With the safety and security of the nation at stake how can we not make use of this loophole in the law?”

Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative for 16 years. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” His work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh program. Please do us a favor. If you use material created by Mr. Semmens, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Biden ‘May or May Not’ Force Shots

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

President Biden announced that he “may or may not” force everyone to get vaccinated for COVID. Calling it “one of the tough decisions a great president has to make,” Biden says he is “weighing the individual’s natural right to control his or her own body with my responsibility as president to ensure that everyone is safe from harm.”

The first population cohort likely to be required to get vaccinated is the military. Biden explained that “members of the armed services are already required to take mandatory inoculations. It’s part of what it means to ‘serve.’ If we can achieve a 100% vaccination rate for our troops I hope that will inspire the rest of the population to voluntarily take the jabs. If it doesn’t, sterner measures may be required.”

The President says he doesn’t think a door-to-door forcible injection protocol will be necessary. “The vaccine passports that are being required by other countries and many businesses in this country should be sufficient to prod nearly everyone to accept vaccination as the price of freedom,” he speculated. “Being barred at the doors of your favorite bar, restaurant, stadium, or grocery store for not having proof of being vaccinated should bring all but the most incorrigibly disobedient into compliance.”

“We will give people the opportunity to voluntarily do the patriotic thing before we crackdown on the non-compliant,” the President promised. “This is the way a free and unified society works.” He went on to predict that “we will succeed where the Trump Administration’s policy of leaving each person to decide for himself would have surely failed.”

Meanwhile, the State of Washington is implementing a trial run of “special treatment” for those who’ve been vaccinated. Governor Jay Inslee (D) explained that “a few months ago everyone was clamoring for the vaccine and we didn’t have enough. Now, we’ve got plenty, but demand is far short of what was expected. As an incentive we are categorizing people into two classes. Those who’ve been vaccinated will have more privileges and freedoms than those who aren’t. Our hope is that the denial of these privileges and freedoms will prod the reluctant into the obedience that will set them free.”

Racist Farm Policy Sparks Lawsuit

The Biden Administration’s American Rescue Plan Act of 2021 provides loan forgiveness of up to 120% (i.e., a borrower can get 20% more than they received from the federal government during the pandemic) to farmers who are Black, American Indian or Alaskan native, Hispanic or Latino, and Asian American or Pacific Islander. Whites aren’t eligible for this program.

Plaintiffs from Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota and Ohio contend that using race to determine who receives the benefits of a program aimed at aiding farmers hurt by the economic shutdowns imposed in the effort to combat COVID is “unconstitutional.” President and General Counsel of the Wisconsin Institute for Law & Liberty, Rick Esenberg, said, The plaintiffs meet all of the criteria laid out in the program except the discriminatory racial exclusion.”

U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Thomas Vilsack justified the unequal treatment, calling it “a down payment on atoning for 400 years of white supremacy. Granted, the particular farmers involved in this lawsuit may not have played a significant role in the 400 years of abuse of non-white minorities, but they are the descendants of the white race that inflicted the multi-generational harm. The notion that each individual is independently entitled to fair treatment was rejected by the voters who chose to oust Trump and usher in a new socially conscious approach to justice. We are confident that the courts, including the Supreme Court, if the case gets that far, will concur in our enforcement of a new way of thinking.”

Another Dawn Raid by the FBI

This week a contingent of armed FBI agents raided the home of former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R) to confiscate an array of electronic devices. Giuliani called the raid “unnecessary. I would’ve voluntarily turned over all the devices requested. Oddly, the one device they refused to confiscate was a copy of the hard drive of Hunter Biden’s laptop. I pointed out that my perusal of the contents found evidence of several crimes.”

FBI Director Christopher Wray brushed aside Giuliani’s objections, saying that “a narrative in which he can be portrayed as cooperating with our investigation was unsatisfactory. As we have done in the past with the cases of Roger Stone and Paul Manafort, the dawn raid videoed by cooperating media conveys a narrative supporting the meme that these people are so guilty and dangerous that we couldn’t risk them destroying evidence or fleeing justice. Judging from the media coverage, I’d call it ‘mission accomplished.’”

Wray also rejected Giuliani’s contention that the Hunter Biden hard drive was of any public value. “Look, as the oldest surviving son of a sitting president, Hunter has sort of a ‘crown prince’ status,” Wray argued. “It would not serve the interest of the government to allow a scandal to besmirch him or any member of the President’s family. Rulers must be revered and respected. Any accusations—true or false—tend to undermine this vital objective. By refusing to be drawn into Giuliani’s gambit we have diminished the credibility of his charges and preserved the reputation of the ruling family.”

“As for the assertion that the devices we seized will prove Giuliani’s innocence, well, we will be the judges of that,” Wray added. “Even if there’s never a trial, the impression that Giuliani is guilty of something is already out there. The FBI is America’s number one law enforcement agency. We are the ones who got Dillinger. We are the heroes of many movies and several TV series. Given the choice of who to believe, we’re confident that the average person will trust us more than they trust Giuliani.”

Canada Makes Participation in Assisted Suicide Mandatory

The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that a hospice that declined to participate in administering assisted suicide cannot stay in business. The Delta Hospice Society, located in British Columbia has resisted demands that it must kill its residents if that’s what they want done.

The Court explicitly rejected the argument that the refusal to participate in terminating a person’s life was an allowable option. “Even though there are other fully participating hospitals and hospices that a patient or resident could freely choose, the Government’s policy is that assisted suicide is for the collective benefit of all,” the Court said. “The contention that ‘no kill shelters’ ought to be available to those who prefer it would elevate individual preferences above society’s preferences. Canada is not obligated to subjugate democratically decided policies to individual conscience. To do so would impose the religious beliefs of a minority on the rest of society.”

“The remedy that those opposed to the euthanasia that current law decrees must be carried out is to win a majority in the next election and change the current law,” the Court suggested. “Under our democracy, majority rule is the only legitimate means for deciding what is morally right or wrong. Any other metric is arbitrary and oppressive.”

Bill to Bar Criminal Background Checks

Rep. David Trone (D-Md) and Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) have introduced legislation that would bar employers from inquiring into the criminal history of job applicants. Specifically prohibited is asking a job applicant if he has a criminal record before offering the person a job.

Waters explained that “criminals have just as much right to a job as anyone else. Yet, if potential employers are allowed to poke around for evidence of crimes that may have been committed by applicants they are apt not to hire them. This is part of the systemic racism we are trying to eliminate in this country.”

Trone hastened to point out that “our bill would not prohibit a company from taking action against an employee who steals from the company, rapes a co-worker, or murders a customer. All we are asking is that any prior thefts, rapes, or murders not be allowed as grounds for not offering a person a job. The best way to nip this tendency in the bud is to prevent the issue from being raised prior to the hiring decision.”

Biden: “White Supremacists Greatest Terrorist Threat”

In his first address to a joint session of Congress, President Joe Biden declared that “white supremacists have replaced jihadists as the most lethal terrorist threat to the United States. As we saw on January 6, white supremacists launched the gravest attack on this country since the Civil War. I am asking Congress to join with me in spending $6 trillion to strengthen the country’s economy as our first line of defense against these terrorists.”

Many observers wondered how a disorganized unarmed group that milled about the Capitol for a few hours on January 6th, committed a few acts of vandalism, and killed no one could have constituted a greater threat than some other events—like War II that killed hundreds of thousands of American soldiers and the 9/11 jihad attack that killed nearly 3,000 American civilians—since the Civil War.

Press Secretary Jen Psaki explained that “on January 6th Americans tried to overthrow our government. Regardless of how unprepared they were, these invaders were nearly 100% white. They were also within striking distance of the most important people in this country. If it weren’t for the timely spontaneous hiding and fleeing of great leaders like House Speaker Pelosi and Rep. Ocasio Cortez they might have been ruthlessly mocked. Such a humiliation could have undermined their willingness to continue ruling this country and left the American people leaderless. So, I believe that all correct-thinking people would agree with the President’s assessment of the severity of the January 6th event.”

In related news, the Biden Administration is reported to be assiduously scanning social media to compile a list of Trump supporters for the purpose of putting these people on a “no fly” list. National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan explained that “neutralizing the mobility options for anti-democratic terrorists is a common sense move. It will slow their ability to effectively mass forces and move them to strategic strike zones.”

NJ: “No Mask, No Vote”

New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy (D) has decreed that voters must wear a mask to the polls or they won’t be allowed to vote. “I think that if you refuse to wear a mask, we’re not letting you in, it’s that simple,” he said. “I know that voting is the most sacred right in a democracy, but health and safety must come first. I mean, what use is a right to vote if you are exposed to infection from those who insist on shunning the mask President Biden says is our patriotic duty?”

Murphy denied that his decree was an attempt to suppress voter turnout, saying everyone knows that voter suppression is the Republicans’ game plan. They insist that every voter must show an ID to be given a ballot. They do this because it is nearly impossible for minorities to get IDs in our systemically racist society. My mask edict is totally different. In fact, many minorities are used to wearing masks when plying their trade. So, if anything it should boost minority participation. And as a bonus, the mask requirement will nullify any fear of being identified while casting a ballot. This will thwart Republican efforts to force people to verify that they are actually legitimately registered voters.”

Biden Insists Bishops Are Wrong About Abortion

President Biden says the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops is wrong about condemning the use of aborted babies for research. The statement from the bishops noted it is possible to do research without using harvested tissue from aborted babies and added that “It is also deeply offensive to millions of Americans for our tax dollars to be used for research that collaborates with an industry built on the taking of innocent lives.”

“From the very beginning, Christianity was founded on the sacrifice of the innocent for the benefit of humanity,” Biden contended. “Jesus, the perfectly blameless innocent, was nailed to a cross to atone for mankind’s sins. By this sacrifice the possibility of salvation was opened for all who believed in him. This is what I was taught in Sunday school as a boy.”

“Today, the most innocent among us are the unborn children,” Biden observed. “They are perfectly sinless. This makes them the ideal candidates to sacrifice their lives for the greater good. Opposing the use of the bodies of aborted babies prevents their deaths from helping others. I can’t believe that this is what Jesus would’ve wanted. So, while I respect the Church, I feel it is my duty as a Christian to take a stand against error and my duty as president to use my power to right the wrong they seek to impose on society.”

“I would further like to remind the bishops that their stance is the same as former President Trump’s,” Biden added. “Trump isn’t even a Catholic. Neither is he a good person. He conspired with the Russians to deny Hillary Clinton’s right to the presidency in 2016. He attempted to steal the 2020 election. When that failed he instigated an insurrection at the Capitol in January. I urge the bishops to reconsider their position. If they admit their mistakes and join those of us trying to transform America into a united progressive community I’m confident the people will forgive them.”

Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative for 16 years. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” His work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh program. Please do us a favor. If you use material created by Mr. Semmens, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

NLRB Tosses Anti-Union Votes

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

The Biden Administration’s acting general counsel for the National Labor Relations Board P

eter Sung Ohr ordered the votes of 800 poultry workers who didn’t want to be members or have the United Food and Commercial Workers union (UFCW) represent them to be trashed. He justified this ruling by saying “a prior agreement between the UFCW and the owners of the Delaware processing plant overrides the wishes of the affected employees.”

Oscar Cruz Sosa, the employee who championed the vote to decertify the UFCW as the workers’ representative complained that “this Union doesn’t represent the workers. It exploits and abuses them. The NLRB’s ruling means we will be forced to continuing to pay our abusers for another three years.”

Similar agreements between business owners and union leaders have been ruled invalid by courts in recent years. Ohr pointed out that “these rulings occurred before the November 2020 election. The President has determined that voters opted for a different policy when they cast their ballots for him. I am just carrying out the mandate he was given by the people.”

A possible alternate rationale for the new policy might be that the UFCW donated $1.2 million to Democrats during the 2020 election cycle. Ohr acknowledged this, but denied it played any role in the NLRB’s shift on the issue. “Democrats believe that individual workers are not qualified to deal with the complex issue of union representation,” Ohr said. “They can be mislead by propaganda that is not in their best interest. Rather than fight against what the union is trying to accomplish, workers should appreciate what unions do for them and pay the cost of supporting those services.”

FTC to Fine Man for “Wrong” Advice

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) may fine Eric Nepute as much as $500,000 for advocating the use of vitamin D and zinc to help the body’s immune system resist COVID infection. While science has validated the positive anti-viral effects of these two natural substances, the FTC labeled Nepute’s statements “false.”

FTC acting Chairwoman Rebecca Slaughter asserted that “since the Centers for Disease Control and prevention (CDC) has a different narrative on the COVID pandemic Mr. Nepute’s contradiction of that narrative undermines people’s faith in the government’s preferred strategy for combating this disease. This contradiction could confuse people and result in them making the wrong decisions about what they should do to protect their health.”

“Mr. Nepute wasn’t authorized to make his opinions public,” Slaughter said. “It is everyone’s duty as a good citizen to fllow the guidance of the government experts who have been designated to handle the strategy for fighting this disease. To allow nonconforming ideas to gain a foothold would imperil the unity that the Biden Administration is trying to achieve, which at this point is to have everyone vaccinated.”

“We are not totally merciless,” Slaughter insisted. “If Nepute admits his error and promises to keep his unacceptable opinions to himself in the future, we may not seek the full amont of the penalties that could be assessed against him.”

In related news, President Biden told Americans that “it is your patriotic duty to get vaccinated. Don’t be among the shameful doubters that shun the shot. Get it to show your respect for authority and concern for the health of your neighbor.”

BLM Activists “Storm” Oklahoma Capitol

Angry over anti-rioting legislation under debate in the Oklahoma House of Representatives, a couple of dozen Black Lives Matter activists noisily invaded the capitol building. The legislation under discussion seeks to increase the penalties for intentionally blocking street traffic and to protect drivers who unintentionally hit persons blocking traffic, A separate bill would establish penalties for “doxxing,” i.e. publishing the names and addresses of police officers.

While she was famously public and strident in her condemnation of the January 6 “storming” of the US Capitol, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) refused to criticize the Oklahoma incident. “Look, there are several important differences between the two situations,” she maintained. “First, Oklahoma is just one state. Whatever happens there cannot compare with what happens here in Washington. Second, the grievances of the BLM protestors were more meritorious than the false allegations of election theft that motivated the invasion of the Capitol by Trump supporters. Third, the targets of the BLM protestors were Republicans who, as we all know, are doing their best to undermine our democracy. They deserve to be frightened that they will be held accountable for their crimes against the people.”

Republican State Rep. Kevin West called the incursion “disruptive. The police had to clear the gallery of the noisy mob, but no one was shot. So, in that respect I can see a difference between my perspective and that of Speaker Pelosi. We weren’t cowering in fear. We aren’t slandering the disrupters by calling them ‘traitors.’ We’re not demanding that anybody be imprisoned for disagreeing with the legislation we passed. On balance, I’d say the way we handled the situation in Oklahoma might be a model for DC to emulate rather than the other way around.”

In related news, perhaps in response to Minneapolis City Council candidate Margarita Ortegain’s suggestion that protestors ought to target white neighborhoods, a man was blocked from driving his car to his house by BLM protestors. When he pleaded that he was only trying to go home he was mocked, as one protestor told him that “home ownership is a bourgeois fallacy. All property ultimately belongs to the collective. The dictatorship of the proletariat will decide who lives where and when they will or won’t be blocked from accessing their assigned accommodations.”

Kerry Pushing Climate Alarmism

Special Presidential Envoy for Climate John Kerry expressed disappointment with the widespread lack of appreciation for his efforts.

“I have been tirelessly jetting all over the globe to try to impress upon people the need to reduce carbon emissions,” he said. “People are polite, but not panicky. It’s frustrating as Hell. Leaders everywhere are short-sightedly focused on what they call bigger problems.”

“What are these ‘bigger problems?” Kerry asked. “Well, in place after place they say they are more concerned about poverty and starvation. They say they need to modernize to fight these problems. Modernization requires more fossil fuels to produce more goods and to move them to areas of need. They want power plants to produce electricity to make everyone’s lives easier and healthier. They don’t realize how selfish they are being.”

“I know it is politically important for them to focus on the well-being of their current population, but from a broader perspective, their current population is the source of the climate crisis. If the population were smaller the stress on the climate would also be smaller. If we make life healthier and easier the population is likely to grow and that would be bad for the environment.”

“It may not be popular for me to say this, but letting backward countries govern themselves may not be sustainable,” Kerry observed. “I think we need a centralized global leadership comprised of the best experts to save the planet. The best model we have of how to do this is provided by China where elites are free to devise and impose the absolute best policies free of interference from the less informed masses of ignorant common people. I believe that President Biden may be coming to the same conclusion and I hope he will issue the executive orders needed to make it happen.”

Psaki Blames Columbus Shooting on “Racial Bias”

Biden’s Presidential Press Secretary Jen Psaki called the police shooting of a knife-wielding black teenage girl “yet another example of systemic racism in this country.” The incident originated from a dispute about household tidiness that escalated into a situation where one black teen was attempting to stab another black teen in the driveway of a home.

“The problem with the police is that they use violence to intervene in violent circumstances without giving a thought to the cultural norms of the persons involved,” Psaki said. “It is a cultural and historic fact that household violence is much more common among blacks than whites. In this instance, a police officer brought a gun to a knife fight and unfairly influenced the outcome. By shooting the girl with the knife before she pierced the body of her intended victim he prevented a potentially less deadly outcome. The girl doing the stabbing was not a professionally trained knife-fighter. She might well have missed a vital organ. She may have only meant to frighten or wound rather than kill.”

“Whites who don’t share the same life experiences of blacks are not qualified to correctly judge and resolve confrontations,” Psaki contended. “The President is very disturbed by this incident and is considering reforms to prevent similar shootings in the future.”

“Among the ideas under consideration are for police to explicitly request permission to shoot before they fire their weapons,” Psaki said. “Another is to get a racial profile of the participants for all 911 calls so dispatchers can determine whether black or white officers should be dispatched to the scene. A third option would be to ensure that multi-racial teams of cops be dispatched. That way if the person needing to be shot is black, the black officer could do it and if the person needing to be shot is white, the white officer could do it. Any of these ideas could help to diminish the frequency of racially biased shootings.”

Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative for 16 years. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” His work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh program. Please do us a favor. If you use material created by Mr. Semmens, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Biden Admin Rejects ‘Protect Life Rule’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

The Biden Administration Department of Health and Human Services announced it will reverse the Trump Administration’s “Protect Life” rule for receiving federal family planning aid, calling it “not in the best interest of public health.” The rule barred the use of taxpayer dollars to fund abortions and did not require “no kill” family assistance organizations to refer patients to abortion providers.

Secretary Xavier Becerra explained that “the entities the Trump rule protected are not entitled to the consideration he mandated. Fetuses have no rights which the government is obligated to respect. The assertion that they are unborn people is debatable. Since Roe v. Wade, courts have upheld the position that their existence can be terminated at any time the mother opts to do so.”

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Senator Calls Defense of Economic Freedom ‘Craven Political Stunt’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Self-proclaimed Vietnam War hero Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) called Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ demand that the CDC lift its ban on cruise ships “a craven political stunt. His contention that economic freedom is some sort of basic human right is ludicrous. It is up to the government to decide what economic privileges may be exercised and when.”

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Filibuster a ‘Tool of Racists’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

This week, Presidential Press secretary Jen Psaki argued for the elimination of the Senate Filibuster, calling it a “tool of racists. Throughout American history the Senate filibuster has been repeatedly used to block legislation that would safeguard the rights of minorities. As the President pointed out in his press conference on Thursday, the filibuster was the first line of defense in protecting Jim Crow laws that denied equality for blacks.”

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Biden Falls Blamed On ‘Climate Change’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

This week President Biden fell three times on the stairs leading up to Air Force One (AF1). White House deputy press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre blamed “climate change. Scientists have been warning that our failure to take climate change seriously would have serious consequences. Well, the nearly gale force winds that brought the President to his knees and almost knocked me down are a manifestation of the kind of threat we face.”

White House communications director Kate Bedingfield added, “I know folks have seen that President Biden slipped on his way up the stairs to AF1, but I’m happy to report that he is just fine and did not even require any attention from the medical team who travels with him. We were lucky this time. Next time we may not be. The President told me that he hopes this near tragedy will motivate Congress to pass the Green New Deal before it’s too late.”

Vice-President Harris pointed out that “there were similar incidents of near stumbles by Trump when he was president. Clearly, a pattern of increasingly dangerous weather fomented by fossil fuels is imperiling all of us. If Congress does not adequately address this crisis before President Biden is killed or severely injured, I will issue an executive order to implement the needed reforms to combat this global threat.”

According to the National Weather Service, winds at the site of AF1’s departure were 20 miles per hour with gusts up to 25 mph. The wind did not prevent the President’s plane from taking him to Atlanta so he might personally persuade Robert Long, the man arrested for killing eight salon workers, that he is a racist. “His claim that he did it to save himself from a sex addiction makes no sense,” Biden is said to have told his handlers. “I myself have found it hard to resist my urge to touch and sniff young women and girls, but I’ve never thought of killing them to save myself from this addiction. Since the majority of Long’s victims were persons of Asian descent a much more logical explanation for his murder spree was Trump’s blaming China for the COVID virus.”

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Biden May Allow ‘Small July 4th Gatherings’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

In his first prime time address to the nation President Joe Biden boosted American morale by promising “we may be able to allow small July 4th gatherings, but only if everyone behaves between now and then. This means get your vaccination, wear your mask, keep your distance, wash your hands, and wait for our permission to mingle with other appropriately obedient and deserving family members, friends, and neighbors.”

The President cautioned that “we must not lapse into old habits of going where we want whenever we want and with whoever we choose. We have been advised by New York University medical ethics professor Arthur Caplan that we should deny normal freedoms to people who don’t want to be vaccinated. This will give them a greater incentive to conform with what all our experts say people should do. Once everyone is vaccinated, the CDC will be giving us more detailed instructions regarding the freedoms we will and won’t be permitted to exercise. Scofflaws must not be allowed to undermine the total unity we are trying to accomplish for America.”

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Swalwell Files Billion-Dollar Lawsuit

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Alleging “severe psychological trauma and irreparable damage,” Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) is suing former President Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, and Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala) for “one billion dollars.”

“These men incited the January 6 insurrection at the Capitol that terrorized me and others,” Swalwell said. “My fear was so intense that I shat myself. Judging from the overwhelming odor permeating the building, I can’t have been the only one on that day to suffer trauma and humiliation. I was a rising star in the Democratic Party and a future presidential nominee. Now I am the butt of jokes. The sum of one billion dollars I am seeking is a ‘low ball’ estimate for what is required to give me justice.”

Trump’s spokesman Jason Miller called Swalwell’s claims “ridiculous. As the leader of two failed impeachments against President Trump, Swalwell has done more than sufficient damage to his future political prospects. He claimed to have irrefutable proof of Russian collusion, but never produced this so-called evidence. All he could manage to produce was a loud fart during a live interview.”

Harmeet Dhillon, a partner at a law firm with former Trump lawyer Ron Coleman, called the suit “frivolous. Swalwell sits on the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, yet he allowed himself to be seduced by a Chinese spy. This sounds like a security breach and dereliction of duty. Maybe taxpayers should sue him.”

Swalwell contends that his sexual liaison with Christine Fang was “my own covert, James Bond style move to extract intelligence from her,” but admitted “that turned out to be a dry hole despite repeated drilling. Rather than being mocked I ought to be given the Medal of Freedom for going beyond the call of duty for a member of Congress and risking my life to try to ferret out vital secrets about China from this woman.”

Meanwhile, the FBI reports that none of the insurrectionists at the Capitol were carrying firearms. Director Christopher Wray admitted that “I know it seems odd that people trying to overthrow the government wouldn’t bring the necessary weapons, but the accepted narrative says that is exactly what they did. My best guess is that they weren’t very competent insurrectionists.”

Workers Blocked from Leaving Union

Newly staffed with Biden appointees, the National Labor Relations Board has blocked the request of construction workers in Indiana to hold a vote to decertify their membership in the local carpenters union.

Patrick Semmens, vice president of the National Right to Work Legal Defense Foundation, which is assisting the workers, assailed the blocking action, calling it “a direct suppression of these workers’ rights. Indiana is a ‘right-to-work’ state. That means people can’t be forced to be union members in order to work. The right to exit a union is every bit as important as the right to enter a union. The workers we are assisting feel the costs of membership aren’t matched by services of equal value.”

Peter Sung Ohr, the NLRB’s new acting general counsel, defended blocking the decertification vote, saying “the President is trying to unify the nation. Union membership is a prime tool for achieving this goal. The selfish impulse to escape from an unfair situation ignores the bigger picture of what is good for the whole. It is the President’s view that once everyone in America is a member of the appropriate union the general welfare of the whole will be guaranteed. This has to take priority over individualized perspectives of what is best.”

Meanwhile, House Democratic Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (Md) maintains that “the PRO (Protecting the Right to Organize) Act will help tilt the playing field in favor of workers who want unionization. Collective bargaining is essential. For it to have a maximum effect all workers must become union members. The notion that we must abide individuals who want to go their own way is anti-labor. There is strength in unity. The PRO Act will ensure that unity is the only option available to working men and women. Therein lies the true pursuit of happiness that this nation’s founders envisioned.”

FBI Destroys Ballots

In the midst of a forensic investigation of some questioned ballots in Georgia, the FBI seized the ballots. Patrick Byrne, the former CEO of Overstock.com, characterized this action as “obstruction of justice. Rather than let an examination of the evidence find out whether these ballots were legitimate or not, the heavy hand of federal police not only intervened, they destroyed the evidence by having it immediately and irretrievably shredded.”

FBI Director Christopher Wray rebuffed the obstruction charge, insisting that “when the FBI does it it’s not obstruction. Our agency is not solely dedicated to the pursuit of justice. We also handle matters of national security. It was our determination that any insinuation that any ballots might be illegitimate posed a clear and present danger to the government. By January 9th Joe Biden had already been declared president-elect. Any so-called evidence that could cast doubt on the legitimacy of the election would undermine his administration. Consequently, preventing this possibility was our solemn duty.”

Wray bolstered his position by pointing out “how grateful President Biden was for our quick and decisive action on this matter. He said he was especially pleased that we handled the issue expeditiously on our own standing authority—that it was good to know that he could count on us to do the right thing without him having to explicitly order it done.”

Neanderthals in Texas & Mississippi

This week the governors of Texas and Mississippi relaxed restrictions that have been harming commerce in their states. Statewide mask mandates were cancelled and capacity restraints on businesses were removed. President Biden called these governors “Neanderthals for daring to break the nation’s unified front against this disease.”

Dr Rochelle Walensky, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) echoed Biden’s anger. “Right now we are at a critical nexus in the pandemic,” she warned. “Granted, this is the 83rd critical nexus we have faced since the pandemic started. Each time we urged that we all hold the line against a premature return of freedom. Governor after governor has bravely suppressed the people of their states one more time for the common good. Why are these two governors ignorantly rejecting the science?”

Gov. Greg Abbott (R-Tex) rejected the President’s characterization of him, saying “the whole repeated hysteria that has attended the so-called science on COVID has worn thin. Meanwhile, the damage done by the lockdowns has had consequences at least as severe as the disease itself. At the same time he was criticizing me, the Administration has been releasing COVID-positive illegal border-crossers into our communities.”

Press Secretary Jen Psaki argued that “it seems to me that the release of COVID-positive visitors into Texas communities is all the more reason for folks to wear masks and businesses to either stay shut or dramatically reduce their capacity. Anyone who can’t see that can’t object to being called a Neanderthal.”

Dem Touts Wealth Tax

The Democrat bill to levy a 2% wealth tax on rich Americans was stoutly defended by Rep. Pramila Jayapal (D-WA). “The private pursuit and accumulation of wealth has been a serious problem for this country since the very beginning,” she asserted. “The bill to gradually phase out this blight is a modest endeavor with great ultimate impact.”

“At 2% per year it would take 50 years to eliminate the entire upper class in America,” Jayapal pointed out. “By pushing these elites down into the middle and lower classes we will achieve a greater equality than any other nation has achieved. As New York Times economist Paul Krugman points out, too much freedom burdens and confuses people. The result is that much of the wealth that is in private hands is frittered away on selfish indulgence. The wealth tax will transfer this wasted wealth to the government where it can be used in all manner of important causes.”

“The utopia envisioned by Marx will become a reality only two generations hence,” she boasted. “Instead of everyone having to struggle to earn a living, the government will be in a position to provide each person with what he or she needs. The money-grubbing capitalist system will be replaced by a regime where everyone does the tasks assigned to them by government planners. Greed will be replaced by selfless sacrifice as the motivation for all good people. I think once people realize what they have to gain, the support for the wealth tax will be overwhelming.”

An example of the more beneficial outcome of transferring wealth to the government was demonstrated by the COVID relief bill (American Rescue Plan Act of 2021) provision granting each federal employee 15 times as many $1400 “stimulus checks” than every other recipient. Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) justified the skewed payouts, contending that “federal employees have been declared essential. The others have not.”

Cuomo: “I Never Touched Anyone Inappropriately”

The nursing home murderer may get a pass for his decree that caused thousands of deaths, but he may not survive accusations of sexual harassment and unwanted physical contact. In his own defense, Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) claims “I never touched anyone inappropriately. I never knew at the time I was making anyone feel uncomfortable.”

Cuomo admitted that “it might be inappropriate for any ordinary man to do the things that I have done, but I’m not an ordinary man. First, as governor I have something called ‘droit du seigneur.’ Roughly translated, this means that a person who governs has certain rights that those who are governed do not have. This right is conveyed in recognition of the burdens of ruling and the obligation of the ruled to express their gratitude.”

“Second, I have been hailed by Dr. Anthony Fauci as the ‘gold standard’ in COVID leadership,” Cuomo pointed out. “I was even awarded an Emmy for my performance. No other governor has received such an honor. So, as one who stands head-and-shoulders above every other governor in America I think I’m entitled to a few extra perks. Look, Joe Biden was given a pass for fingering Tara Reid in a Congressional office building in 1993, and he was just a senator, and not a very impressive one, at that.”

Still, the Governor went on to issue a sort of apology saying “I have learned from what has been an incredible, difficult situation for me as well as other people, and I’ve learned an important lesson—inform women of my rights before taking the liberties to which my station entitles me. I’m sorry for whatever pain I caused anyone, I never intended it. I thought they would be honored to be propositioned or kissed by their governor. I will be the better for this experience.”

In related news, Michigan’s Democrat Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who issued a similar nursing home decree that resulted in excess deaths, worked out a non-disclosure agreement with former state health department director, Robert Gordon—a key witness to her blunder. Under the terms of the agreement, Gordon received a taxpayer-funded “buy out” of $155,506 and both parties agreed not to testify against the other—terms that Whitmer called “a win-win resolution of a sticky situation that could have embarrassed a lot of people.”

Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” His work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh program. Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Biden Bombs Syria

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Despite vowing during a presidential debate in February 2020 that military action would be a last resort for problems in the Middle East, President Joe Biden’s first action in the region since taking office last month was to order an air strike on Syrian territory. This action was immediately criticized by the Senate’s most reliably anti-war member Rand Paul (R-Ken), who tweeted “I condemn meddling in Syria’s civil war. I also condemn attacking a sovereign nation. What authority does he have to strike Syria?”

Press Secretary Jen Psaki, who herself questioned former President Trump’s authority to order air strikes in the region back in 2018, defended Biden’s action, saying “times have changed. In 2018 a usurper occupied the presidency. He had no legitimate authority to do anything. President Biden won the election in 2020 with more votes than any other person has ever received for president. This gives him a mandate to do whatever he wants.”

As for Biden’s debate promise not to go trigger-happy in office, Psaki insisted that “no one remembers that now, not even the President himself. Everyone except Sen. Paul is unified behind President Biden on this issue now. I wonder if Paul has considered the seriousness of his effort to undermine this country’s ability to fight and win this war. Some might call his action treason.”

In related news, Biden issued an executive order cancelling a prior executive order issued by Trump that limited China’s access to American capital to help finance its military technology. Psaki explained that “the Trump policy stood as a barrier to unifying our two nations. If we allow them to get the weapons technology they want from us they will be less likely to attack our country because it would be nonsensical to cut its own supply line. The President hopes to divert China’s ambitions in another direction—maybe India or Australia—and thereby, keep America safe.”

Democrat Election Reform Bill Touted

In an effort to institutionalize the ad hoc procedures that won the 2020 presidential election for Joe Biden, Democrats in Congress have crafted legislation that would mandate sweeping changes in the voting process nationwide.

The “For the People” Act’s lead sponsor Rep. John Sarbanes (D-Md) emphasized the urgency of getting this done now, saying “We may not get the opportunity to make this change again for many, many decades, so let’s not miss that window. Shame on us if we don’t get this done.”

Among the changes that will be made is to make vote-by-mail universal. Sarbanes explained that “the varied state requirements and restrictions are anti-democratic. People who want to vote shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to get a ballot, fill it out, and return it. Ballots should be mailed to everyone. They should also be available on street corners like newspapers are, only it won’t require coins to open the box and pull out as many ballots as you need. Voters could mail their ballots in or drop them off at the many drop boxes scattered around the community. Alternatively, community volunteers or Party workers could distribute ballots, collect them, check them for accuracy, and drop them off after midnight on election day.”

The reform bill would also eliminate the voter registration and ID requirements that many states currently have. Reform supporter Stacey Abrams, former Democrat candidate for governor of Georgia, called registration and ID requirements “tools for suppressing the vote. Voting is a human right. Every human should, therefore, be considered eligible to vote without having to get government permission. The fact is, only humans have the mental capacity it takes to vote. Consequently, every ballot that is filled out must have been cast by a human and should be counted by poll workers.”

In contrast, Europeans are quite skeptical of these so-called reforms. Jérôme Rivière, a French member of the European Parliament, said “France banned mail-in ballots in 1975 because it was too easy to cheat.” More recently, the French Senate refused to approve President Macron’s proposal to permit early voting, calling it “not safe enough from fraud or manipulation.” Abrams characterized this skepticism as “typical white thinking.”

Student Suspended for “False Opinion”

Owen Stevens was suspended from his degree program by State University of New York (SUNY) Genesee for saying “a man is a man, a woman is a woman.” Stevens was ratted out by peers who heard him say this on a video.

Diversity & Inclusion Coordinator Patricia Pendejo called Stevens’ remarks “completely false. They call into question his ability to maintain a classroom environment protecting the mental and emotional well-being of all of students. His contention that his statement is backed up by science is misinformation. Current scientific thinking says that gender is fluid and a matter of choice.”

Dean of the School of Education Dr. Kate Schiefen ordered Stevens “to complete a remediation plan consisting of taking down his Instagram videos, toning down his social media presence, and attending school-sanctioned training before he can be permitted to continue his studies. We hold the teachers we train to high standards. We can’t graduate insensitive and narrow-minded brutes and send them into our public schools.”

Stevens has refused to undergo remediation. “Teaching is about inspiring students to think for themselves,” he said. “This includes being able to confront ideas with which they may disagree without wilting or whimpering. Students are free to disagree with their teachers and present their own arguments fopr what they believe to be true. I do not see a teacher’s role as one of ideological indoctrination.”

Apprised of Stevens’ resistance to being reeducated, Dean Schiefen declared him “unfit to teach,” asserting that “after review of all available materials, I find that, based on your continued public stance and social media presence, you do not consistently demonstrate behaviors required by the Conceptual Framework of the School of Education.”

Dems Call for Biden to Give Up Nuclear Launch Authority

A group of Democrats in the House have called for President Joe Biden to give up his sole authority to authorize the launch of nuclear weapons. Rep. Jimmy Panetta (D-Calif) said “vesting one person with this authority entails real risks, especially when that person is manifestly cognitively impaired. We need to establish a process that involves a broader spectrum of participants who could discuss the matter before launching.”

Panetta acknowledged the possible urgency issue of having only minutes to respond to an incoming nuclear missile attack, but maintained that “delay in mounting a counterattack is preferable to entrusting a mental incompetent to make the right decision. I mean, I tried to talk to the President about this, but couldn’t break through to him. In response to me he asked ‘what’s a nuclear lunch? Why would I order one? Can’t I just have my usual split pea soup?’”

Vice-President Kamala Harris called Panetta’s concerns “overwrought. Joe’s not going to do anything we don’t tell him to do. He is the friendly face America needs to stay calm and unified. We already have a ‘process’ that involves a broader spectrum of participants. In fact, it was this broader spectrum that told the President to launch an air strike on Syria this week. As we saw, everything went off without a hitch. Congressman Panetta and his co-conspirators need to relax and get back to their real jobs of grabbing a piece of the COVID pork barrel spending for their home districts.”

Kerry Engaged in Shadow Diplomacy with Iran

According to a Washington Times story, John Kerry, former Secretary of State during the later years of the Obama Administration, engaged in shadow diplomacy with Iran during the Trump Administration. Ironically, “shadow diplomacy” was one of the allegations that spurred the appointment of Robert Mueller as Special Prosecutor to investigate Trump during the first two years of his term. After spending $35 million on this investigation no evidence of any crime by Trump was uncovered.

Kerry brazenly asserted that his moves behind President Trump’s back were “totally justified. Though we lacked any evidence to prove Trump committed a crime, all of us knew he was bad news for America. The most heroic among us, myself included, went the extra mile to short-circuit Trump’s policies before they could do any damage. Because of my efforts, Iran waited out the sanctions Trump placed on them until President Biden could undo the sanctions and allow Iran to resume its efforts to obtain nuclear weapons.”

“The imbalance between a nuclear United States and a non-nuclear Iran was both unfair and destabilizing,” Kerry argued. “We learned from the cold war between the US and the Soviet Union how important the ‘balance of terror’ was for maintaining peace. The knowledge that one wrong move by the United States could lead to nuclear annihilation helped restrain its imperialistic attempts at world domination. Trump’s insistence on America first undermined the balance of terror that could have developed if Iran got nukes. Now, with Democrats in control of the federal government the prospects for achieving a new balance of terror between Iran and America are most favorable.”

Acting on what it said was Kerry’s advice, Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif is demanding that the US “pay one trillion dollars as reparations for the damage done to our country’s economy by the Trump Administration’s sanctions.” Antony Blinken, Biden’s nominee to be his Secretary of State expressed some concern about using the word “reparations” for the compensation due Iran. “The President would like to restrict the use of that word to payments made to Blacks for slavery,” Blinken said. “I believe he would be open to ‘investing’ a trillion dollars in the Iranian economy as a humanitarian gesture toward the great nation of Iran.”

Dems Pressure Cable TV to Drop Conservative News Networks

Reps. Anna Eshoo (D-CA) and Jerry McNerney (D-CA) sent letters to the CEOs of multiple cable TV providers—including Amazon, Apple, Google and others—demanding to know “why Fox News, One America News Network and Newsmax are still part of your basic cable programming. You must be aware that they are using your platform to disseminate disinformation.”

Eshoo explained “if we want to have true democracy in this country we must have unity of thoughts and expressions. The conservative news sites we single out are trying to turn the tide against true democracy. The notion that truth will emerge from vigorous debate between individuals of different viewpoints is out-dated and naive. Allowing all views freedom of speech is too risky. The voices of evil can be very persuasive. It is the government’s duty to silence these voices for the good of humanity. Our letters to the cable providers is the opening salvo in this crucial battle for what President Biden has called “America’s soul.”

After receiving their copy of the letter, Amazon took the critically acclaimed documentary “Created Equal: Clarence Thomas in His Own Words” off the list of programs its subscribers are permitted to watch. A spokesman for the company explained, “it was pointed out to us that Thomas is not authentically Black. In fact, he is on record questioning many of the views expressed by those who are authentic Blacks. This sows unneeded dissension and works against the unity President Biden is working so hard to achieve.”

Pandemic Paves Way to Totalitarianism

Naomi Wolf, a former adviser to President Bill Clinton during his 1996 reelection campaign sees the government response to the COVID pandemic turning America into a totalitarian society. “All across America governors declared emergencies and then proceeded to exert dictatorial control,” she asserted. “They told people to stay home. They ordered businesses to close. They encouraged neighbors to spy on each other. These are the kind of rotten policies that dictators have used throughout history to destroy free societies.”

“We have even reached the stage where a corrupt alliance of big tech and government is censoring views that question the fear mongering being used to scare people into accepting repression as a necessary measure to save their health,” Wolfe added. “This strongly imitates the fascism Mussolini imposed on Italy. The designation of some people as ‘essential’ and others ‘nonessential’ is a very totalitarian move. Absurdly, every government employee is automatically deemed essential. The reality is that there are great lumps of unproductive deadwood within every government bureaucracy. These people draw steady paychecks, many of them for doing absolutely nothing of value to anyone.”

“Meanwhile, the livelihoods of the ‘nonessential’ are shutdown,” Wolfe continued. “The belated and paltry ‘stimulus checks’ of a few thousand dollars are a grossly inadequate substitute for the forfeited right to earn a living by honest work as a business owner or employee providing a product or service willingly purchased by customers. I wish my Democrat friends would step back from the abyss they’re taking the country into, but most seem so thrilled with the power to get things done that couldn’t get done through normal democratic give-and-take and compromise. The monster they have created will, in the end, devour most of them. They will ultimately be given show trials where they confess their sins, are found guilty, and executed by the tyranny they helped create.”

Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” His work has been cited on the Rush Limbaugh program. Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

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