And if the Republican Nominee Can’t Win Arizona …

A polling firm known as OH Predictive Insights has Mrs. Bill Clinton leading Donald Trump in Arizona, 46.6 percent to 42.2 percent. The poll was taken June 20.

It’s still early, yes, but Democrats usually never lead in Arizona presidential polls.

And if the Republican doesn’t win Arizona, he has absolutely no chance to win the November election.

The poll surveyed 1,060 likely voters based on a projection of the November turnout.

Breaking down this poll,  Trump is leading by six points in rural Arizona — which is not a good indicator.

Mrs. Bill Clinton, an ardent socialist advocating for over-control of the American individual, family and private business, has a whopping 17-point lead in Pima County, and that’s no surprise because it’s dominated politically by leftists.

Another bad indicator for Trump is a tie in Maricopa County, the county where Republican candidates can usually count on running up the score and overcoming deficits elsewhere in the state.

Women in Arizona gave Mrs. Bill Clinton a 12-point edge, despite her history of looking the other way while her husband used and abused women and her state department underpaying women.

OH Predictive Insights is a subsidiary of Owens Harkey Advertising. It’s located in Phoenix.

 

 

Arizona will Protect Salt River Wild Horse Herd

Governor Doug Ducey today signed House Bill 2340, which provides needed protections for the Salt River Horses. He explains below why he signed the bill:

“The Salt River Horses are beautiful, majestic and a treasure to our state. Since last summer, we have worked to protect them and their ability to roam free,” said Governor Doug Ducey.  “Many Arizonans were rightly outraged when the future of the Salt River Horse was put at risk, and I was clear then that I would do everything in my power to protect them from danger. Today, I am proud to sign a bill that paves the way state, local and federal forces to work together to keep them free from interference or harassment. I am grateful to  Rep. Kelly Townsend for her leadership and committment to protecting the Salt River Horses.”

Moderate Muslims Are ‘Uncle Toms’ Says London Mayor-Elect

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnLondon’s newly elected mayor, Labour Party candidate Sadiq Khan, vows he will “establish the order prescribed by the Quran” when he takes office later this year.

Mohamed instructed us to subjugate unbelievers and make them submit to paying the jizya tax,” Khan observed. “For too long Muslims in the United Kingdom have been ‘Uncle Toms’ meekly adapting to British customs and culture when it should be the other way around. This election is the first step in rectifying this sacrilegious disorder.”

Labour voter Constance Dimworthy said she is “glad the City government will finally be sticking it to the ‘toffs.’ Why should they be allowed to sit in their cozy estates while I have to subsist on skimpy welfare payments and live in dowdy public housing?”

Ms. Dimworthy was not at all fazed by Khan’s Muslim beliefs. “As I understand it, the Quran is pretty big on the obligation of the rich to pay alms to the poor. Well, I’m poor. If this jizya tax thing puts more money in my pocket I’m all for it.”

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio was among the first US politicians to congratulate Khan and said he hopes the new Mayor “will move quickly to protect the rights of gays and transexuals as we have done here in our city.”

In related news, de Blasio urged New Yorkers to boycott Chick fil-A. “The owners of this perfidious restaurant must not be permitted to continue to enjoy the privileges of conducting a business if they refuse to accept society’s changing attitudes towards the LGBT community,” he said. “They would like to confine the issue to whether their sandwiches offer good value for the consumers’ dollars. But I say social solidarity is more important than economic freedom, and I look forward to a future where we guardians of society’s values have the authority to enforce them by more direct means than merely urging boycotts.”

DOJ Suggests Hillary’s Lawbreaking “Not Malicious”

Trying to map a politically viable route out of the national security infractions committed by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch professed herself “unable to find any evidence that Secretary Clinton had any malicious intent.”

We’re thinking that her use of an unsecured private computer server for classified communications was just an honest mistake that could more properly be attributed to ignorance or incompetence,” Lynch speculated. “Judging from events on the campaign trail, it is not implausible to hypothesize that brain damage from a concussion she suffered last year or early onset dementia are more likely explanations for an error of this magnitude.”

Lynch contrasted Clinton’s actions with those of former CIA employee Eric Snowden “who intentionally exposed US government secrets. The damage done by Mr. Snowden is immense and continuing. The credibility of everything our government does was undermined.”

The AG further contended that “the fact that Secretary Clinton is leading in the race for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination would seem to indicate that the American people are willing to overlook her innocent mistakes. Rather than blindly pursue a ‘by-the-book’ approach, we’re leaning toward allowing the process of getting voter input to play itself out. If voters elect her president we’d take that as a sign that we should ‘forgive and forget’ this relatively minor infraction. After all, if she becomes president she could simply pardon herself regardless of what our Office might do to prosecute her anyway. So, why make an investment in an effort that could so easily be undone?”

Candidate Says Coal Remarks “Taken out of Context”

Seeking to dissuade West Virginia voters from holding her promise “to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business” against her, Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton maintains that “those remarks have been distorted by being taken out of context.”

The specific context, according to the candidate “was the need to get the votes of environmentally conscious individuals in states that have no coal industry. For my opponents and the media to inject that statement into the West Virginia primary distorts the nuanced messages I am trying to express to the varied constituencies around the nation. It is an unfair and sexist assault on my long history of selfless public service to this country.”

The important thing that is getting pushed aside is that preserving the dirty and dangerous job of mining coal is no longer necessary in our economy,” Clinton argued. “Under my Administration the displaced coal miners who still want to work will be moved into the solar energy sector. Those who are tired of working will be assured of abundant government benefits if they drop out of the workforce. This has been the basic thrust of President Obama’s economic policy for the last eight years. I am pledging to continue that policy. I can’t see why voters who twice gave their state’s electoral votes to President Obama wouldn’t want to give them to me.”

Even if West Virginia voters don’t warm to her, Clinton took comfort from her perception that “the whole world is pulling for me to beat Donald Trump in November. That has got to be a bigger coalition than whatever fragments of opposition might coalesce around a nativist like Trump.”

German Army Hampered by Overtime Rules

The German Army had to shorten its participation in recent NATO war-game exercises because the government’s labor regulations restrict the number of continuous hours troops can be on duty.

Minister of Defense Rinehart Schwachkopf defended the move asserting that “preserving the rights of the worker against exploitation is an essential function of the German government. If we start discarding rights on the pretext that ‘defense is too important’ to have to comply with regulations intended to protect these rights we raise the question of what are we fighting for if not to protect Germans’ rights?”

Schwachkopf acknowledged that “enemies of Germany might seek to exploit any gaps in our defenses caused by troops having to stand down in order to comply with labor rules, but no one said maintaining the social benefits of the working class would always be easy. Our armed forces will need to learn to be more efficient and expeditious in their operations.”

The Minister went on to point out that “blitzkrieg, or lightning war, used to be something Germany’s armies deployed to great success in the past. Perhaps knowing that their troops are on a time clock our generals will reacquaint themselves with this once successful tactic.”

Egyptian Official Blames Cartoons for Muslim Violence

The head of Egypt’s State Information Service (SIS), Ambassador Salah Abdel Sadek, says that “the rising tide of violence in Muslim countries can be directly traced to Western cartoons. Around the globe innocent Muslims are exposed to the carnage inflicted by cats and mice on each other in cartoons like ‘Tom and Jerry’ or ‘Itchy and Scratchy.’ Is it any wonder, then that they go on rampages of killing?”

Sadek contended that “Muslims are particularly susceptible to this insidious influence because our critical thinking skills have been suppressed by Zionist infiltrators” and called for “the elimination of the Jewish state in our midst” as the remedy most likely to be effective.

Hillary for President campaign manager Robbie Mook cited Sadek’s comments as “a vindication of Secretary Clinton’s assertion that a video is what inspired the mob that killed Ambassador Stevens at the Benghazi compound in 2012. Poorly educated Arabs are easy targets for influence by videos of any sort. If a cartoon is enough to goad a Palestinian into bombing an Israeli bus, why is it so hard to believe that an even more pointed video might goad a mob into killing Ambassador Stevens? I think Ambassador Sadek’s insightful perspective puts the nail in the coffin of the email witch hunt being conducted against Hillary.”

Medical Errors Third Leading Cause of Death in US

A study published in the prominent medical journal BMJ concluded that errors by doctors and hospitals kill more than 250,000 people a year in the US. Martin Makary, professor of surgery at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, led the research team and said “It boils down to people dying from the care that they receive rather than the disease for which they are seeking care.”

In recent years a lot has been made of the issue of people living without health insurance and how the government must take heroic efforts to compel everyone to obtain insurance,” Makary observed. “The concern is that those without insurance won’t be able to afford treatment. This study indicates that not being treated isn’t always bad. Sometimes entering the medical world exposes patients to dangers worse than the ailments they had going in.”

It’s one thing for people to be insured against catastrophic health emergencies like accidents or serious diseases,” he continued. “There the risk/reward profile for being treated is more balanced. But when comprehensive coverage entices a person to make entering the realm of medical treatment their first option they may be increasing their risk falling victim to medical error without sufficient reason.”

The human body has developed many self-healing abilities over millions of years of evolution,” Makary said. “In many instances relying on that may be a better bet than relying on the much newer and less evolved art of medicine. At the very least, the data don’t support a policy of forcing everyone into a government mandated health protocol like the Affordable Care Act seeks to do.”

In related news, hospitals in the United Kingdom are posting “do not resuscitate” orders—without the patients’ or families’ consent—for tens of thousands of National Health Care patients as a cost-saving measure. NHS spokesman Dr. Malcolm Kildare called the step “a necessary conservation of social resources. A patient of little value to society and his or her family is not the best judge of how our limited resources should be used. Rationalizing the system to ensure resources are available for higher value patients is essential.”

EU to Fine Member Nations for Rejecting Refugees

Concerned that the flow of Muslim immigrants into the European Union might be deterred if member nations refuse to accept ever enlarging quantities of refugees, officials are implementing a €250,000 (about $300,000) per head fine for every refugee not allowed into a country.

EU spokesman Geert Waloon explained that “the European reproduction rate is far below replacement levels. If our countries are to avoid becoming uninhabited ‘ghost towns’ we must increase our population. The refugees are fertile and not averse to generating offspring. Securing an abundant supply of them will ensure that EU government workers will have an adequate number of welfare clients to justify their employment.” The fines are expected to raise in excess of €50 million annually, most of which will be used to fund the salaries of EU welfare agency employees.

GOP presumptive presidential nominee Donald Trump called the fines “insane” and vowed that “nothing like this will happen in our country if I’m its next president.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Governor Praises 2016 Legislative Session Accomplishments

Gov. Doug Ducey, now in his second year as the state’s chief executive, is singing the praises of the 2016 legislative session. The Republican Party, in general, could take a lesson from his communication skills. Here’s his statement:

This session was about addressing priorities, keeping promises and solving problems. Together, lawmakers stepped up and worked in a spirit of good faith and good government to keep Arizona on a strong and stable path forward.

For the first time since 2007, we brought our budget to structural balance – and we did it while investing in our vital commitments, protecting our most vulnerable and honoring our veterans. We’ve prioritized our K-12 schools, our world-class universities, child safety and public safety – and we’ve done it without raising taxes on hardworking Arizonans.

We built upon our accomplishments last year to bring our laws into the 21st-century, embrace the sharing economy and make Arizona more attractive and responsive to innovation.

We took significant action to keep our citizens, families and communities safe – from ramping up the fight against drug cartels and drug addiction, to bringing justice to victims of crime, to eliminating roadblocks to care for foster children and families.

We did a lot of good this session – but these accomplishments are not ours. They belong to the Arizona students and teachers, who will benefit from more resources in the classrooms; the families, small business owners and citizens, who will benefit from low taxes, lean regulations, and an excellent quality of life; and the next generation, who will benefit from our efforts to set Arizona’s budget in balance and save for the future.”

 

 

Attorney General Wins Big Victory against Physician Immunity under Marijuana Act

Attorney General Mark Brnovich announced today a major victory in litigation involving the scope of physician immunity under the Arizona Medical Marijuana Act or AMMA.

The Arizona Supreme Court unanimously ruled the AMMA does not immunize a physician against prosecution for falsely attesting that he or she reviewed a patient’s medical records from the previous twelve months before providing a written certification authorizing medical marijuana use.

“Arizona voters never intended for our medical marijuana laws to give criminal immunity to anyone who breaks the law in order to operate marijuana mills aimed at maximizing profits rather than providing good patient care,” said Attorney General Mark Brnovich.

“Today, the Supreme Court sent a clear message; if doctors commit a crime while issuing medical marijuana certifications they will be held accountable,” added Brnovich.
 
In 2012, a Navajo County Grand Jury indicted Dr. Robert Gear on one count of Forgery and one count of Fraudulent Schemes and Artifices. Dr. Gear allegedly signed a medical marijuana certification for a police informant before receiving a year’s worth of the patient’s records. The trial court dismissed the indictment, ruling ARS 36–2811(C) immunized Dr. Gear against prosecution on those charges. The Court of Appeals affirmed.

In today’s ruling written by Justice Clint Bolick, the Arizona Supreme Court vacated the opinion of the Court of Appeals, reversed the trial court’s order of dismissal, and returned the criminal case against Dr. Gear back to the trial court in Navajo County.

Solicitor General John R. Lopez IV argued the case before the Arizona Supreme Court.

Assistant Attorney General Maria Syms authored the Amicus Curiae Brief on behalf of the State of Arizona.

For additional information, members of the media may contact Mia Garcia, Director of Media Relations at (602) 339-5895 or Mia.Garcia@azag.gov.

To read the decision in full, CLICK HERE.

There’s no Blaming the ‘Establishment’ This Time; We Selected Trump

Once again, conservative Americans feel betrayed and ignored by the Republican “Establishment.” Yet again, we are stuck with a nominee for president who is not with us on the matters we most care about.

In fact, each succeeding GOP presidential candidate now drifts further and further away from the party’s official platform.

Many are pointing the finger at Donald Trump and saying they won’t vote for him. A photoshopped graphic is making a big impact for stating that the Republican Party died in 2016 and the cause of death is Donald Trump.

This is the wrong diagnosis for the problem. Trump won the nomination fair and square. He competed for it and he won it.

We can no longer blame the Republican Establishment. Trump won a majority of state presidential primaries – including Arizona. And a slim majority of Arizonans selected as delegates for the Republican National Convention support Trump. It’s the messages he uses that are cause for concern.

As Dr. Alan Snyder writes here, Republican voters have concluded that morality and integrity, the rule of law and the U.S. Constitution no longer matter. He basically says this is a dismal indication that the Republican platform no longer means beans.

We said the same thing immediately following the Republican primary in 2014. That was when Arizona voters elected a Planned Parenthood supporter as secretary of state. Along with numerous others who, it appears, probably have never read the GOP platform. If they ever did, they came away with nothing from it.

Further, Dr. Snyder wrote:

The Republican voters (and for the sake of brevity, I’ll just assume most were Republicans) have decided that a man who rejects nearly every line in past Republican platforms will be their nominee for president.

In short, the party is the problem. Not the establishment. Republican voters in Indiana, New York and numerous other states chose Trump. It wasn’t Karl Rove pulling all the strings.

The GOP voters also chose Sen. John McCain in 2008 and Mitt Romney in 2012 to run for president. Neither is a platform-based Republican.

So the chickens have come home to roost. And we conservatives had better start articulating the reasons for conservatism’s advantages for society and why it’s the best approach for a healthy vibrant America.

Dr. Michael Brown also voices the same concerns here.

This is not so much an indictment on Trump as it is an indictment on the American people. God could well be giving us exactly what we deserve.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his blatant, well-documented lying.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his consistent practice of vile character assassination for the purpose of political gain.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his vulgarity and profanity.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his ignorance of critical issues and his complete flip-flopping of major positions.

Decent people who believe in Republican, conservative principles are not winning national elections. We must roll up our sleeves and educate the people. Rush Limbaugh asked yesterday who the conservative leader is and who is articulating conservatism. I would argue that it’s Sen. Ted Cruz. But we didn’t convince enough people that he is the logical nominee.

The blame lies with us. We are allowing the things that the Donald Trumps and the Michele Reagans, and others, believe in to emerge within our own party. We must do better. We must do, as conservative Bill Whittle says, a much better job of articulating our principles and why they serve America better than any other.

Obama Calls His Management of the U.S. Economy ‘Best in Human History’

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnDespite declines in labor force participation, family income and home ownership juxtaposed to increases in poverty, debt, and health care costs, President Obama maintains that his Administration “probably managed the American economy better than any large economy on Earth in human history.”

The president lambasted critics who cite GDP statistics that show Obama to be the only president that has failed to deliver even a single year of 3 percent growth—making his the worst performing administration since Herbert Hoover’s during the early years of the Great Depression. “Growth and prosperity aren’t the only metrics by which we should judge what has transpired,” Obama argued. “Under my policies millions of Americans have been able to escape the rat race of wage-slavery and enjoy massive amounts of leisure time. Not since Lincoln have so many been liberated.”

Obama singled out the movie The Big Short for special criticism calling its portrayal of the collapse of bad real estate loans “one sided. The narrow focus on the inability of lenders to make payments on their loans overlooks the fact that it was government pressure on the banks that enabled poor credit risks to join the ranks of home owners, if albeit only temporarily. Isn’t it better to have owned and lost than never to have owned at all?”

The real problem is that the banking reforms put in place by the Clinton Administration didn’t go far enough,” Obama contended. “If we had just taken that next logical step of eliminating the necessity to repay those mortgage loans we could have averted the foreclosure crisis that tipped the economy into recession in 2008.”

Denmark Plagued by Migrant Crime Wave

The generosity of Danes opening their borders to immigrants from Muslim countries has been repaid by an astounding surge in crimes committed by these foreigners. Though these foreigners make up only 8% of the country’s population they account for over 75% of the crimes committed and over 80% of those drawing unemployment benefits from the government.

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders, who has frequently offered up Denmark as an exemplar of the kind of social policies we ought to adopt in the United States, professed himself “not the least bit disturbed by these results. Compared to the places these immigrants came from, Denmark is a very rich country. The redistribution of Danish wealth, whether by informal appropriation via theft or though the more organized method of taxation and funding of welfare benefits brings that country closer to the ideal of social justice.”

No one who has more than they need has the moral right to withhold that excess from others who have less,” Sanders maintained. “Of course it is preferable that government oversee the transfer of material goods from the haves to the have-nots, but we mustn’t be too harsh on those who grow impatient waiting for government to do the right thing and take action on their own.”

In related news, anti-Trump Latinos shouting “make America Mexico again” went on a violent rampage bloodying Trump supporters and smashing car windows following the GOP candidate’s rally in Costa Mesa, California this week. Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton blamed Trump “for creating the environment that inspires the desperate and dispossessed to resort to violence to achieve their objectives” and vowed to end the violence “by showing them that when I am president government will be on their side.”

EPA Refuses to Pay Damages for Its Toxic Spill

Colorado Republicans blasted the EPA after an agency official refused to cover the full cost of damages done by the EPA’s release of toxic sludge from the Gold King Mine last August contaminated water supplies in Colorado and New Mexico after spreading from the Animas River to the San Juan River.

EPA official Bill Murray explained that “people need to understand that when we took responsibility for the spill we were making a moral statement, not agreeing to compensate anyone for any injuries suffered. The government has ‘sovereign immunity’ and cannot be held liable without its consent. Obviously, we are not consenting to the demands of those who have been harmed by our actions.”

Sen. Cory Gardner (R-Colo) characterized Murray’s stance as “outrageous” and “another example of the Washington double standard. If a private firm or individual had been responsible for a spill of this magnitude the EPA would be coming down hard on them and demanding they make restitution to the victims of their negligence.”

Murray countered by insisting that “the double standard is fully justified by the different motivations of private parties and the government. Private parties are out for profit. Imposing substantial monetary penalties on them is a useful and necessary corrective to their selfish behaviors. Government, on the other hand, is non-profit. Its concern is with the general welfare. Consequently, there is no need for financial penalties to be used in order to get government to do the right thing. It will do this on its own.”

In related news, the EPA defied a Supreme Court stay against the agency’s global warming Clean Power Plan (CPP). EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy asserted that “the Court’s ruling is merely a legal opinion. The President has a different opinion. Under our Constitution’s separation of powers he believes he is not obligated to submit to subjugation by either of the other two branches of our government. He will not willingly submit and there is no mechanism for the Court compel him to do so.”

Hillary Floats Pair of Controversial Ideas

In a bid to solidify her leftist credentials, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton floated a couple of ridiculous ideas about how this country will improve when she is president.

On the urban violence front, Clinton proposes to “reset” the relationship between police and street gangs. “The knee jerk attitude of the average American toward urban gangs is that they are a bad thing,” she observed. “What they overlook is that joining a gang is like having a family. It’s feeling like you’re part of something bigger than yourself. I think this is a positive thing. Another positive is that the youngsters learn valuable lessons like loyalty and how to handle weapons.”

The problem is that these gangs operate outside of the law,” she continued. “We need to find a way of bringing them under the umbrella of the government’s authorized use of force if society is to capitalize on the skills these young people have learned as gang members. I believe President Obama’s idea of establishing a national police force would offer these otherwise outlaws an alternate path within the context of our social justice objectives.”

On the domestic violence front, Clinton proposes “to expand upon the great strides President Obama has made in changing attitudes towards abortion. Ensuring that all heath insurance must cover abortions has compelled everyone to bear the burden of funding this vital human right. Nevertheless, many still voice opinions criticizing the practice. Women are subjected to the torment of being emotionally traumatized by the fear that fellow citizens may disapprove of their choice. We need to turn this around so every woman can feel pride in her decision to exterminate an unwanted fetus in her body. Perhaps a presidential medal that could be given on an annual basis to the woman who makes the most courageous decision for abortion would help change how abortion is perceived in the minds of the average person.”

Trump Foreign Policy Speech Alarms Allies

GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump’s emphasis that the guiding principle for foreign policy under his administration will be “America first” has made some of our European allies nervous.

Germany’s foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier characterized Trump’s stance as “arrogant and selfish. To put America first is offensive to my ears. He is denying our equality and our right to participate in determining what America must do to protect all of our mutual interests. If this kind of self-centered viewpoint had prevailed in an earlier era my country and perhaps all of western Europe would today be run by fascists or communists.”

Carl Bildt, a former Swedish prime minister and foreign minister concurred. “Trump is disrespecting democratic processes and democratic values,” Bildt charged. “He makes no provision for our vote. Becoming America’s president won’t make him king. He would not have the prerogative to shrug off the obligations the United States has assumed and on which the rest of the free world has depended for three-quarters of a century without our acquiescence.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron said “Trump’s demand that we be required to fund a minimum share of the cost of our defense is unprecedented. This is not how things have been done for more than seven decades. We haven’t budgeted for the kind of outlays this would entail. We can’t afford it.”

German Vice Chancellor Sigmar Gabriel suggested that “our only viable option might be to call a President Trump’s bluff. If we look like we’ll be overrun by communists, fascists, or Islamists the United States would have to come to our rescue. Otherwise they’d be left alone to face an entire world hostile to their own survival.”

In related news, President Obama praised Germany’s “open door” policy on refugees from the Middle East, saying “it has set an example that others should follow. If the various different ethnic and religious peoples were more uniformly dispersed around the globe the incentives for nations to fight one another would be diminished.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Our First Arizona Congressional Endorsement Goes to …

There’s a crowd running for the Congressional seat of the retiring U.S. Representative Matt Salmon. A large crowd.

Among those listed on the Politics1 website are:

Andy Biggs (R) – State Senate President, Ex-State Rep. & Attorney
Alex Finter (R) – Mesa City Councilman, Ex-Mesa Mayor, Businessman & Retired Firefighter

Christine Jones (R) – Attorney, Ex-Internet Executive & ’14 Gov. Candidate
Bryan Martyn (R) – Ex-State Parks Dir., Ex-Pinal County Supervisor & Iraq/Afghan War Veteran
Justin Olsen (R) – State Rep., Tax Analyst & Ex-Congressional Aide

Russell Pearce (R) – Ex-State Senate President, Ex-State Rep., Retired Police Officer & National Guard Veteran
Bob Robson (R) – State Rep., Ex-Chandler City Councilman & Insurance Agent
Scott Smith (R) – Ex-Mesa Mayor, Businessman & ’14 Gov. Candidate

Don Stapley (R) – Ex-Maricopa County Supervisor & Marketing Consultant

Jay Tibshraeny (R) – Chandler Mayor, Ex-State Sen. & Ex-Chandler City Councilman
Kelly Townsend (R) – State Rep., Businesswoman & Navy Veteran
Stephen Viramontes (R) – Businessman
Bob Worsley (R) – State Sen. & Ex-SkyMall CEO

At this early point, we must endorse State Senate President. He’s a fine man and will represent everyone in the district well. There are other deserving candidates, but we can only endorse one.

Army Chief Opposes Private Weapons for Troops

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnIn testimony before a congressional committee investigating the murders of military personnel at military facilities, Army Chief of Staff General Mark Milley told Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) that he was opposed to letting troops carry personal weapons to defend themselves.

Let me assure Congress that our higher ranking officers are well protected by the existing procedures,” the General said. “Base commanders have a contingent of armed guards between themselves and any potential assailant. I am confident that no intruders could get to them without themselves being shot.”

What about lower ranking soldiers?” Lee asked. “They don’t have guards assigned to them. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to carry their own handguns for self-defense?”

Well, there’s a danger that these personal weapons would be inappropriately used,” Milley replied. “Do we really want troops to make the decision to discharge their weapons before being give the order to do so by a commanding officer? Can we afford to break this link in the chain of command just to save a few lives in the lower ranks? Asking a handful of soldiers to sacrifice themselves in order to keep their superiors safer better prioritizes the human assets we have at our disposal.”

In 2009, the procedures with which General Milley is satisfied allowed an armed gunman to kill 13 and wound 32 others in the eight minutes before the Ford Hood base police shot the assailant. Nevertheless, Milley insisted that “I am not convinced from what I know that carrying privately owned weapons would have stopped that individual. Clearly, the base’s command structure was never seriously threatened. So, I’d have to say that what we are doing is working as it was designed to do.”

Cal AG Justifies Raid

California State Attorney General Kamala Harris (D) justified her office’s raid on the home of pro-life activist David Daleiden this week, contending that “the actions of Mr. Daleiden constitute a clear and present danger to the State and the values we are trying to protect.”

Daleiden was instrumental in the acquisition and airing of undercover videos of Planned Parenthood officers and employees engaged in illegal trafficking of human organs harvested from aborted fetuses. Harris has declined to initiate an investigation of this illegal trafficking because “the evidence gathered by Mr. Daleiden was obtained through surreptitious methods. An invasion of privacy cannot serve as the foundation of a prosecution regardless of the alleged heinous nature of the activities spied upon.”

The AG also rebuffed charges of abuse of authority, saying that “my pursuit of a case against Mr. Daleiden upholds the mutual respect between the State and those organizations, like Planned Parenthood, who contribute to the cause of good government. Their investment in the success of my candidacy for my current office and my quest for the U.S. Senate entitles them to a rigorous effort against detractors like Mr Daleiden.”

As former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton pointed out earlier this week, the unborn person that Mr. Daleiden and his ilk seek to champion has no Constitutional rights,” Harris said. “In contrast, the Planned Parenthood people that were duped into incriminating themselves by Mr. Daleiden do have Constitutional rights. Deciding which side to come down on in this case was not a hard choice.”

In related news, the Obama Administration warned Florida against defunding Planned Parenthood. Marissa Padilla, spokeswoman for the U.S. Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, told Gov. Rick Scott (R) that “defying President Obama on this issue would not be prudent. Planned Parenthood is a major force in the implementation of the Roe vs. Wade decision. Using the excuse that the organization has engaged in the illegal sale of baby parts will not protect the state from consequences at the President’s discretion. The question is whether Gov. Scott wants to risk losing federal dollars that might otherwise be headed his way.”

Bill Clinton Clashes with “Black Lives Matter”

After being mercilessly heckled by agitators from the group “Black Lives Matter,” former President Bill Clinton accused them of “defending murderers and drug dealers.” The BLM protesters objected to the former president’s support for 1994’s Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, which they contend disproportionately penalizes minorities.

Clinton’s argument that “this law puts blacks who prey upon other blacks, who kill other blacks behind bars and saves the lives of countless would-be black victims. Those attacking this law can’t really pose as advocates for black lives. They are advocates for criminals.”

Concerned that the former president has “drifted off message,” the Hillary for President campaign sought to distance itself from his remarks. “Bill signed that law more than 20 years ago,” campaign manager Robby Mook reminded. “It’s understandable that he feels some need to defend it. But that is not Hillary’s current position.”

Mook sought to establish that “it is Hillary’s position that the bigger problem is white cops killing blacks. This is the same position as that of the BLM movement. Blacks killing blacks results from imposing unfair white values on the black subculture. Blacks violently fighting over turf stems directly from our drug laws. It is Hillary’s position that the government ought to award designated areas to minority-run drug vendors, much like government has awarded gambling territories to Indian tribes. If this were done, black gangs could take turf interlopers to court rather than trying to enforce their rights through extra-legal means.”

In related news, the Obama Administration’s Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) threatened action against landlords who refuse to rent to convicted felons, calling it “racist. Blacks are three times as likely to have criminal convictions as whites. Barring lawbreakers from rentals illegally imposes standards favorable to whites on racial minorities.” Similarly, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that federal immigration officials may not deport “habitual drunkards” because “drunkenness is a disease which society is obligated to treat, regardless of the nationality of the person suffering from the malady.”

Hillary Demands She be Prosecuted if Guilty

In a surprising move said to be aimed at undermining contentions that she is being afforded special treatment, Democratic presidential contender, former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton demanded that “everyone who violates the law anywhere should be held accountable.”

Campaign manager Robby Mook argued that “this will take the wind out of the sails of those in the GOP who maintain that Hillary sees herself as above the law. By insisting that everyone who violates the law must be prosecuted, the absence of any prosecution from the Department of Justice will stand as a total vindication of her innocence. In simple terms, no prosecution means no guilt.”

Sanders’ campaign manager Jeff Weaver called the move “a stunt. This whole unsecured email scandal is like a magician’s misdirection. Clinton’s real crime is her conspiracy with Wall Street bankers to prevent the people from overthrowing their capitalist oppressors. That is what she’ll be prosecuted for and punished under a Sanders Administration.”

In related news, the Clinton campaign used “white noise” to block reporters from hearing her speech to a gathering of mega-donors in Colorado. Mook explained that “the going rate to hear Hillary Clinton speak is a minimum of $250,000 per hour. If the members of the media want in, they have to ‘pony up.’”

Dem Says National Debt Not a Threat

Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass) brushed off fears that a runaway national debt could pose a threat to America. “Look, a debt of whatever amount merely records resources that have already been acquired by the government,” Markey argued. “The government has already gotten and spent that money for the benefit of America. Whether it ever pays this money back is basically irrelevant.”

Let’s imagine that, ‘horror of horrors,’ the government defaults on this debt,” Markey continued. “Who’s hurt? The people who lent the money to the government by buying bonds can obviously afford to lose this money. People who need their money don’t buy bonds. They buy food. The net result of a default is that funds are transferred from those who can afford doing without the money to the government that spends it for the benefit of all the people. How is that a threat?”

Senate Foreign Relations Committee chairman Bob Corker (R-Tenn) labeled Markey’s statement “a crackpot idea. If we don’t honor our debts how can we expect anyone to lend to us when we need it?”

Markey dismisse4d Corker’s doubts as “pedestrian thinking. This is the government we’re talking about. If push comes to shove, we can just seize whatever resources we need. No nation, no organization, no individual can stand against the might of the United States. We have the technology and the firepower to take whatever we need to ensure that our government will continue to function.”

In related news, Democratic presidential aspirant Sen. Bernie Sanders (Vt) defended queuing for consumer goods as “in many ways, a more equitable way of distributing scarce items like bread. While there can be great disparities in the ability to pay money, the amount of time available to everyone is more fairly balanced. Waiting in line exacts an equal amount of time from all. On top of this, it gets people out of doors and into the fresh air. That also has health benefits that are denied in a capitalist system that stocks abundant merchandise and requires no waiting to obtain it.”

Obama Promises “Trump Will Not Succeed Me”

Calling GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump “an appalling choice,” President Barack Obama promised a frightened nation that “I will do whatever I can to prevent this man from succeeding me as president.”

The president didn’t rule out “any extraordinary, extra-legal actions that might be needed. Hopefully, it won’t come to that. I trust that American voters will opt to continue the progress I’ve made by electing Secretary Clinton in November. But rest assured, I will not shy away from doing what it takes to keep Mr. Trump out of the Oval Office.”

Meanwhile, Obama’s preferred successor sought to differentiate herself from her Democratic presidential rival Sen. Bernie Sanders (Vt) by promising to “order all employers to boost the pay of women to equal that of men.” Not to be outdone, Sanders said he would “order all employers to raise all employees’ wages—men and women alike. The capitalists have expropriated the labor surplus for too long. As president, I will ensure that all profits are converted into higher wages across the board.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

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