DOJ Explains Disparate Approach to Abortion Issue

Under intense questioning by members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Attorney General Merrick Garland acknowledged that “our office has had much more success prosecuting anti-abortionists who pray outside of abortion clinics than it has going after pro-abortionists that firebomb pregnancy centers.”

Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) was unimpressed by Garland’s glib rationalization and suggested a different approach. “There have been 81 reported attacks on pregnancy centers and 130 attacks on Catholic churches since the Supreme Court’s overturning of the Roe v. Wade decision was first leaked a year ago,” he said. “Yet, only two individuals have been charged for these crimes. Why is that?”

“Anti-abortion fanatics commit their offenses in broad daylight,” Garland replied. “Pro-abortionists do their deeds after dark. Their more persistent efforts to conceal their activities makes it harder for us to go after them. It’s not a double standard per se. It’s more a matter of grabbing the low-hanging fruit.”

“Isn’t arson a more serious crime than trying to persuade a woman not to go through with aborting her baby?” Lee asked. “Isn’t it more important to go after those violent criminals?”

“Well, we want to close cases,” Garland said. “The less violent offenders are easier to arrest. There are plenty of eye-witnesses and open admissions of guilt. So, statistically, our efforts look more impressive in terms of getting people convicted and sentenced. That is what impresses when it comes time to persuade lawmakers to enact more generous budgets for our department for the next year. It’s also what the American people want us to do considering the fact that they voted overwhelmingly to elect the pro-abortion Biden over the anti-abortion Trump president in the 2020 election.”

In related news, Filmmaker and leftist loon Michael Moore called for a nationwide boycott of Walgreens for refusing to sell abortion pills in states where it is illegal to do so. “Making it inconvenient for women to abort their unwanted children is a crime against humanity,” Moore asserted. “Why should women who don’t want to be mothers have to go to the trouble of traveling to a neighboring state or ordering the pills through the mail from a state where the pills are legal? Is there no atrocity that the anti-abortionists won’t commit to try to get their way on this issue?”

In New York where abortion pills are legal, Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) ignorantly warned pharmacies in her state “to continue to supply these pills or face dire consequences. All of our efforts must ensure that the sacred right of abortion is never abridged anywhere in the world. If driving every pharmacy in the state out of business is the price we must pay to achieve this, I’m all in.”

On The View TV show an even loonier Jane Fonda suggested that “a woman would be justified in killing anyone who tries to prevent her from aborting her unwanted child.”

Biden Will Visit East Palestine “When It Is Safe”

Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine’s request that President Biden visit the site of the rail disaster in his state was not well-received at the White House. “If he can go to Ukraine to boost the morale of the people there, why can’t he come to Ohio to boost the morale of Americans who are hurting from one of the worse train crashes in our history?” DeWine asked.

Biden responded that “it’s too dangerous for me to risk my life or health on a totally unnecessary visit to the highly toxic environment in East Palestine. Experts have already estimated that tens of thousands of animals and fish downwind and downstream of the derailment have died. Who knows how many humans will become sick and die. The Secret Service tells me it is too dangerous for me go there now. Pressuring me to go there could be construed as an attempt on my life.”

The President pointed out that “my administration’s top transportation expert was there last week. I have no particular skill or knowledge above-and-beyond whatever he had to offer. As far as boosting morale goes, if Pete Buttigieg couldn’t suffice I don’t see how I can help. I mean, what kind of morale boost would it be if an 80-year-old man were to keel over in the middle of town? I will come when it is safe to do so–maybe next year or after I’m reelected in 2024–although, by then there wouldn’t be much point in making the trip.”

In related news, the Department of Transportation’s (DOT) Inspector General has announced an audit of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s use of private jets. Buttigieg is known to have taken at least 18 flights using taxpayer money to fly on private jets since he took office in 2021. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla) says he requested the audit “because it is unclear why Secretary Buttigieg would require such costly travel when more economical options were available.” Buttigieg defended his private flights by pointing out “our country’s public transportation systems are unreliable and dangerous. Those of us who rule this nation shouldn’t be forced to waste our time or risk our lives using the modes intended for ordinary people.”

Dems Fear Release of Jan 6 Video

Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s decision to release 41,000 hours of video from the Jan 6, 2021 riot at the US Capitol has struck fear into some leading Democrats.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) called it “a grave mistake. There were very good reasons why former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) declined to make these videos available for public viewing. I can’t tell you why she refused to air them, but trust me, she had good reasons. The American people have to have faith that their government is looking out for their best interests. Widespread viewing of these videos could destroy that faith.”

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-CA) complained that “the narrative that the January 6 special committee worked so long and hard to construct would be undermined by an indiscriminate viewing of the raw and unedited footage. The crucial few minutes the committee selected to demonstrate that right-wing traitors were intending to overthrow our government would be drowned out by the tens of thousands of boring hours showing people peacefully meandering in the building and give an erroneous impression of what happened.”

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) denounced the release of the videos, saying “I was on the special committee. We viewed the videos so the American people wouldn’t have to. We sifted out the irrelevant, confusing, and contradictory content. Allowing the public to see what we sifted out would only serve to allow anti-regime propagandists like Tucker Carlson focus on extraneous evidence and lessen the chance that the insurrectionists would be properly punished for their crimes.”

Carlson countered by suggesting that “Schiff’s stance contradicts the very idea of a fair trial. In essence, he’s saying that only the evidence that a prosecutor chooses to present should be allowed. Any exculpatory evidence must be withheld from the jury. We will go through the 41,000 hours to determine what we think ought to be seen. Ultimately, all of these 41,000 hours should be posted for examination by anyone one who wishes to see for themselves and make their own judgments about the event.”

Pelosi warned that “letting anyone outside of government see these sensitive videos is inherently dangerous and could lead to an even worse disturbance than occurred on January 6th. If voters hadn’t foolishly given Republicans a majority in the House last November I would have been able to prevent the catastrophe that McCarthy is foisting on this country.”

John Semmens

Illegal Student Loan Forgiveness Plan Tweaked

Although courts have already ruled that President Biden’s attempt to unilaterally decree the forgiveness of a portion of student loan debt is not legal, plans are underway to reissue the illegal decree with a new twist. Students who major in studies that provide few opportunities for remunerative employment will be given “first dibs” on loan forgiveness.

Secretary of Education Miguel Angel Cardona explained “there’s little sense in forgiving the debt of students who major in science or engineering. Grads with degrees in these subjects are in great demand in the private sector and will likely be paid well. In contrast, a student with a degree in transgender studies faces a much bleaker future because there is little to no need for such people in the private sector.”

“Our plan in the short term is to free the bearers of useless degrees from having to repay their debt,” Cardona said. “In the meantime, we need to create new laws and regulations that would make it mandatory for private businesses to employ these people to help them navigate the complex social equity requirements that the new laws and regulations will implement.”

GOP Against Socialism, Dems Split

A House Resolution condemning socialism that was introduced by Rep. Maria Salazar (R-Fla) passed with unanimous GOP support. Democrats, though were split on the issue with about half voting for it and half not. Salazar argued that the resolution was “intended as a message to our youth. Right now 40% of generation z and millennials see Karl Marx’s Communist Manifesto as a better guide for government than the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness cited in our Declaration of Independence.”

“As history has shown, Marx’s ideas have led to tyranny and murder carried out by communist regimes,” Salazar pointed out. “The freedoms that our youth take for granted would be snuffed out if socialist policies ruled America.”

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) condemned the resolution, calling it “undemocratic. If our youth want communism, then so be it. The bourgeois freedoms promoted by Republicans are becoming less acceptable to the American people with each passing day. The enforced conformity of the Marxist system can provide a unifying theme for the next stage of human civilization. The House is out of line condemning it.” Jeffries’ justified his departure from his 2021 vow to “never bend a knee to hard-left democratic socialism,” citing “the new responsibilities incumbent on a person in a leadership position.”

In related news, interviews with 75 top media executives revealed that there is strong opposition to objectivity in news reporting. Emilio Garcia-Ruiz, editor-in-chief at the San Francisco Chronicle summed up the prevailing thinking, saying “objectivity has got to go.” Stanford journalism professor, Ted Glasser, asserted that “journalism must free itself from this notion of objectivity to develop a sense of social justice.” The Washington Posts Leonard Downie warned that “allowing the notion that different perspectives ought to get a hearing to pollute the media’s coverage of a topic will only slow down the transformation of America into the utopian progressive society that former President Obama promised would be our future.”

By John Semmens

Parties Spar Over “Show Up” Act

Now that the pandemic emergency is over, House Republicans want federal employees to come back to their offices. The Stopping Home Office Work Unproductive Problems Act or SHOW UP Act of 2023 introduced by Rep. James Comer (R-Ken) was passed by a vote of 221-206.

Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-Md) called the GOP “hypocritical. These are the guys who say they want to shrink the government by cutting unneeded bureaucracy. Now they want these supposedly unneeded employees to travel into the city to work? Won’t this increased traffic congestion impede the private sector workers who actually produce products and services that customers willingly buy?”

Rep. Gerry Connolly (D-Va) echoed Raskin’s take, saying “none of us in Congress has any idea of what these workers do or don’t do. What difference would it make to us whether the unknown activities of these federal employees takes place at home or at the office?”

The issue has been confounded by the fact that thousands of these employees supposedly “working from home” falsely “self-certified” as unemployed during the covid pandemic in order to fraudulently receive payments for being out of work. Comer cited this behavior as a reason to simplify the work environment by having the government’s employees show up at the office. Raskin cited “the small number of crooks–less than ten thousand from what I hear–seems to be petty theft compared to the trillions that have been frittered away over the last two years.”

DC Mayor Muriel Bowser (D) suggested that “the unused office space created by the widespread use of telecommuting as the basic work model could be put to better use housing the City’s homeless population. Bringing these mentally ill drug-users to live closer to where Congress does its business might inspire them to take the problem more seriously.”

In other Capital news, a dozen students from Our Lady of the Rosary School in Greenville County, South Carolina were kicked out of the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum because they were wearing hats with a pro-life message. Secretary Lonnie G. Bunch III explained “pro-life is not the policy of our organization. It would be improper to allow outsiders to advocate for an unapproved political position within the walls of the museum.”

Dems Being Treated Unfairly

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif) complains that House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s determination to keep him off the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence (HPSCI) “is so unfair.”

McCarthy defended his position, pointing out that “Swalwell’s long-term sexual liaison with a Chinese spy indicates that he should not be privy to the kind of sensitive national security information that the HPSCI deals with on a regular basis.”

Swalwell called McCarthy’s explanation “unconvincing. President Biden stored classified documents at the Penn Biden Center for Diplomacy and Global Engagement in Washington, DC. This Center was funded by Chinese Communist Party money and included sharing office space with CEFC China Energy. If I’m not fit for sitting on the HPSCI, how is Biden fit to remain president?”

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) is also targeted for removal from the HPSCI by McCarthy “for his incessant leaking and lying,” the Speaker said. “Leaking is a violation of the law. And the constant lying marks him as untrustworthy. There’s no way he should be on this committee.”

Schiff dismissed McCarthy’s standards as “naive and out-dated. The election of President Biden–perhaps the most prolific liar to ever hold the office–shows that the voters don’t demand honesty from their rulers. As an elected official, McCarthy ought to abide by the wishes of the American people.”

By John Semmens

Dems & GOP Spar Over Debt

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif) rejected President Biden’s demand for a “clean” debt ceiling hike, saying “cramming a bloated federal spending package through during the ‘lame duck’ session showed total disrespect for the American people’s concerns about government overspending. The Republican majority in the House intends to give these concerns a fair hearing. Fending off bankruptcy should be a bipartisan effort.”

Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen called the Republicans’ focus on the national debt “naive. The federal government isn’t your random seeker of borrowed money. It is the most powerful organization on the planet. It can crush any opposition–foreign or domestic. It can take whatever it needs from anyone it wants to. It can even create new money out of thin air. The debt ceiling is just an arbitrary number. A simpler solution would be to abolish the ceiling.”

Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) called McCarty’s resistance “futile. The GOP may hold the majority in the House, but they can’t force the Senate or the President to compromise. Sooner or later, the Republicans will have to give in. If they don’t, we and the media will blame them for whatever calamities or inconveniences that result from failure to pass a clean debt ceiling increase and the voters will then punish them at the polls.”

“The Democrats’ insistence on no limits to federal spending has sparked the highest inflation in since the 1980s,” McCarthy argued. “Taxpayers are now paying $500 billion in interest on the money borrowed because we don’t have a balanced budget. This cannot go on.”

Yellen asserted that “what the Republicans don’t understand is that the federal government would actually come out ahead if our dollar becomes worthless. As the world’s biggest debtor, a collapse of the dollar will let the US government off the hook. All the debt would be wiped out by a flood of newly created worthless dollars. The only losers would be those who foolishly hold dollar-denominated assets like cash and bonds.”

Is America’s Investment in the Ukraine War Worth It?

Both President Biden and Congress have sent tens of billions of our tax dollars in the form of weapons, ammunition, and cash to Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky to help save his regime from Russian invaders. While support for these outlays has come from both Democrats and Republicans, no clear benefit to our country can be detected.

Ostensibly, the claim is that we are trying to save Ukraine’s democracy. But is Ukraine really a democracy? In the past week, Zelensky signed legislation that allows the Ukrainian government to censor news sites, control the flow of information to the Ukrainian people, and shut down news sites that are deemed insufficiently loyal to the government. Zelensky says “we were inspired by revelations that the US government has been doing the same thing.”

US Secretary of State Tony Blinken cautioned against “drawing the wrong conclusion. Censoring the enemies of democracy–whether domestic or foreign–is sometimes necessary. Making our covert suppression of free speech public like Elon Musk has done has needlessly damaged America’s image. Our credibility as a foe of Russian dictatorship has been undermined.”

On the other hand, many members of Congress have accrued substantial profits from well-timed purchases of stock in corporations that manufacture the weapons we are providing to Ukraine. Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore) got a 40% return on his investment in defense industry stocks. Rep. Marjorie Taylor (R-Ga) got a 35% return. Blumenauer was irked that Greene also profited from these stocks. “She voted against aid to Ukraine,” he complained. “It isn’t fair that she should make almost money as I did since I had to help with the heavy lifting.”

In related news, Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-NY) signed a bill raising state legislators’ salaries by 30% to $142,000 per year. Income from other employment is also capped at $35,000 per year to discourage gainful employment. “We don’t want them to work themselves to death,” the Governor said. “Likewise, there are no limits on gifts from admirers, or investments because salaries are never enough to fulfill all the needs of the people’s representatives.”

By John Semmens

Administration Refuses to Condemn China’s Crackdown

The experience of seeing mask-less players and fans at the World Cup soccer matches in Qatar on TV this week sparked millions of Chinese to take to the streets to protest their continued home-confinement under their country’s severely restrictive covid lockdown policies. Videos of protesters being clubbed in the streets has sparked outrage around the world.

In the US, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif), likely to be the next House Speaker, tweeted: ‘The Chinese Communist Party’s lockdowns have imprisoned people against their will—many have died. As Chinese citizens bravely protest, Joe Biden and the corporate class shrug. Our Select Committee on China will do what Biden refuses—finally reckon with the pariah that is the Chinese Communist Party.”

Republican Rep. Mike Waltz (R-Fla), member of the House China Task Force, complained ‘The White House statement Monday reiterated ‘everyone has the right to protest’, but didn’t go far enough in condemning the Chinese Communist Party for their overt atrocities.”

Rep. Lauren Boebert tweeted: “The people of China are standing up and demanding freedom, even knowing the major risk of doing so in their country. People are born to be free, not oppressed by government regimes. They need our moral support.”

Secretary of State Antony Blinken took a more balanced perspective, saying that “while we are sympathetic to the idea that people ought to be free to speak their minds and demonstrate to express their grievances, we also must recognize that China has the right to govern as it sees fit. How would we like it if foreigners tried to interfere with the lockdowns, mask requirements, and vaccine mandates that our President and many state governors have deemed necessary? Theoretically, people ought to be free, but from a practical perspective they must sometimes be forced to obey the government for the common good. We can’t be too critical of China’s positions and methods since we may one day have to take these same positions and use these same methods here.”