Arizona will Protect Salt River Wild Horse Herd

Governor Doug Ducey today signed House Bill 2340, which provides needed protections for the Salt River Horses. He explains below why he signed the bill:

“The Salt River Horses are beautiful, majestic and a treasure to our state. Since last summer, we have worked to protect them and their ability to roam free,” said Governor Doug Ducey.  “Many Arizonans were rightly outraged when the future of the Salt River Horse was put at risk, and I was clear then that I would do everything in my power to protect them from danger. Today, I am proud to sign a bill that paves the way state, local and federal forces to work together to keep them free from interference or harassment. I am grateful to  Rep. Kelly Townsend for her leadership and committment to protecting the Salt River Horses.”

Moderate Muslims Are ‘Uncle Toms’ Says London Mayor-Elect

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnLondon’s newly elected mayor, Labour Party candidate Sadiq Khan, vows he will “establish the order prescribed by the Quran” when he takes office later this year.

Mohamed instructed us to subjugate unbelievers and make them submit to paying the jizya tax,” Khan observed. “For too long Muslims in the United Kingdom have been ‘Uncle Toms’ meekly adapting to British customs and culture when it should be the other way around. This election is the first step in rectifying this sacrilegious disorder.”

Labour voter Constance Dimworthy said she is “glad the City government will finally be sticking it to the ‘toffs.’ Why should they be allowed to sit in their cozy estates while I have to subsist on skimpy welfare payments and live in dowdy public housing?”

Ms. Dimworthy was not at all fazed by Khan’s Muslim beliefs. “As I understand it, the Quran is pretty big on the obligation of the rich to pay alms to the poor. Well, I’m poor. If this jizya tax thing puts more money in my pocket I’m all for it.”

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio was among the first US politicians to congratulate Khan and said he hopes the new Mayor “will move quickly to protect the rights of gays and transexuals as we have done here in our city.”

In related news, de Blasio urged New Yorkers to boycott Chick fil-A. “The owners of this perfidious restaurant must not be permitted to continue to enjoy the privileges of conducting a business if they refuse to accept society’s changing attitudes towards the LGBT community,” he said. “They would like to confine the issue to whether their sandwiches offer good value for the consumers’ dollars. But I say social solidarity is more important than economic freedom, and I look forward to a future where we guardians of society’s values have the authority to enforce them by more direct means than merely urging boycotts.”

DOJ Suggests Hillary’s Lawbreaking “Not Malicious”

Trying to map a politically viable route out of the national security infractions committed by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch professed herself “unable to find any evidence that Secretary Clinton had any malicious intent.”

We’re thinking that her use of an unsecured private computer server for classified communications was just an honest mistake that could more properly be attributed to ignorance or incompetence,” Lynch speculated. “Judging from events on the campaign trail, it is not implausible to hypothesize that brain damage from a concussion she suffered last year or early onset dementia are more likely explanations for an error of this magnitude.”

Lynch contrasted Clinton’s actions with those of former CIA employee Eric Snowden “who intentionally exposed US government secrets. The damage done by Mr. Snowden is immense and continuing. The credibility of everything our government does was undermined.”

The AG further contended that “the fact that Secretary Clinton is leading in the race for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination would seem to indicate that the American people are willing to overlook her innocent mistakes. Rather than blindly pursue a ‘by-the-book’ approach, we’re leaning toward allowing the process of getting voter input to play itself out. If voters elect her president we’d take that as a sign that we should ‘forgive and forget’ this relatively minor infraction. After all, if she becomes president she could simply pardon herself regardless of what our Office might do to prosecute her anyway. So, why make an investment in an effort that could so easily be undone?”

Candidate Says Coal Remarks “Taken out of Context”

Seeking to dissuade West Virginia voters from holding her promise “to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business” against her, Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton maintains that “those remarks have been distorted by being taken out of context.”

The specific context, according to the candidate “was the need to get the votes of environmentally conscious individuals in states that have no coal industry. For my opponents and the media to inject that statement into the West Virginia primary distorts the nuanced messages I am trying to express to the varied constituencies around the nation. It is an unfair and sexist assault on my long history of selfless public service to this country.”

The important thing that is getting pushed aside is that preserving the dirty and dangerous job of mining coal is no longer necessary in our economy,” Clinton argued. “Under my Administration the displaced coal miners who still want to work will be moved into the solar energy sector. Those who are tired of working will be assured of abundant government benefits if they drop out of the workforce. This has been the basic thrust of President Obama’s economic policy for the last eight years. I am pledging to continue that policy. I can’t see why voters who twice gave their state’s electoral votes to President Obama wouldn’t want to give them to me.”

Even if West Virginia voters don’t warm to her, Clinton took comfort from her perception that “the whole world is pulling for me to beat Donald Trump in November. That has got to be a bigger coalition than whatever fragments of opposition might coalesce around a nativist like Trump.”

German Army Hampered by Overtime Rules

The German Army had to shorten its participation in recent NATO war-game exercises because the government’s labor regulations restrict the number of continuous hours troops can be on duty.

Minister of Defense Rinehart Schwachkopf defended the move asserting that “preserving the rights of the worker against exploitation is an essential function of the German government. If we start discarding rights on the pretext that ‘defense is too important’ to have to comply with regulations intended to protect these rights we raise the question of what are we fighting for if not to protect Germans’ rights?”

Schwachkopf acknowledged that “enemies of Germany might seek to exploit any gaps in our defenses caused by troops having to stand down in order to comply with labor rules, but no one said maintaining the social benefits of the working class would always be easy. Our armed forces will need to learn to be more efficient and expeditious in their operations.”

The Minister went on to point out that “blitzkrieg, or lightning war, used to be something Germany’s armies deployed to great success in the past. Perhaps knowing that their troops are on a time clock our generals will reacquaint themselves with this once successful tactic.”

Egyptian Official Blames Cartoons for Muslim Violence

The head of Egypt’s State Information Service (SIS), Ambassador Salah Abdel Sadek, says that “the rising tide of violence in Muslim countries can be directly traced to Western cartoons. Around the globe innocent Muslims are exposed to the carnage inflicted by cats and mice on each other in cartoons like ‘Tom and Jerry’ or ‘Itchy and Scratchy.’ Is it any wonder, then that they go on rampages of killing?”

Sadek contended that “Muslims are particularly susceptible to this insidious influence because our critical thinking skills have been suppressed by Zionist infiltrators” and called for “the elimination of the Jewish state in our midst” as the remedy most likely to be effective.

Hillary for President campaign manager Robbie Mook cited Sadek’s comments as “a vindication of Secretary Clinton’s assertion that a video is what inspired the mob that killed Ambassador Stevens at the Benghazi compound in 2012. Poorly educated Arabs are easy targets for influence by videos of any sort. If a cartoon is enough to goad a Palestinian into bombing an Israeli bus, why is it so hard to believe that an even more pointed video might goad a mob into killing Ambassador Stevens? I think Ambassador Sadek’s insightful perspective puts the nail in the coffin of the email witch hunt being conducted against Hillary.”

Medical Errors Third Leading Cause of Death in US

A study published in the prominent medical journal BMJ concluded that errors by doctors and hospitals kill more than 250,000 people a year in the US. Martin Makary, professor of surgery at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, led the research team and said “It boils down to people dying from the care that they receive rather than the disease for which they are seeking care.”

In recent years a lot has been made of the issue of people living without health insurance and how the government must take heroic efforts to compel everyone to obtain insurance,” Makary observed. “The concern is that those without insurance won’t be able to afford treatment. This study indicates that not being treated isn’t always bad. Sometimes entering the medical world exposes patients to dangers worse than the ailments they had going in.”

It’s one thing for people to be insured against catastrophic health emergencies like accidents or serious diseases,” he continued. “There the risk/reward profile for being treated is more balanced. But when comprehensive coverage entices a person to make entering the realm of medical treatment their first option they may be increasing their risk falling victim to medical error without sufficient reason.”

The human body has developed many self-healing abilities over millions of years of evolution,” Makary said. “In many instances relying on that may be a better bet than relying on the much newer and less evolved art of medicine. At the very least, the data don’t support a policy of forcing everyone into a government mandated health protocol like the Affordable Care Act seeks to do.”

In related news, hospitals in the United Kingdom are posting “do not resuscitate” orders—without the patients’ or families’ consent—for tens of thousands of National Health Care patients as a cost-saving measure. NHS spokesman Dr. Malcolm Kildare called the step “a necessary conservation of social resources. A patient of little value to society and his or her family is not the best judge of how our limited resources should be used. Rationalizing the system to ensure resources are available for higher value patients is essential.”

EU to Fine Member Nations for Rejecting Refugees

Concerned that the flow of Muslim immigrants into the European Union might be deterred if member nations refuse to accept ever enlarging quantities of refugees, officials are implementing a €250,000 (about $300,000) per head fine for every refugee not allowed into a country.

EU spokesman Geert Waloon explained that “the European reproduction rate is far below replacement levels. If our countries are to avoid becoming uninhabited ‘ghost towns’ we must increase our population. The refugees are fertile and not averse to generating offspring. Securing an abundant supply of them will ensure that EU government workers will have an adequate number of welfare clients to justify their employment.” The fines are expected to raise in excess of €50 million annually, most of which will be used to fund the salaries of EU welfare agency employees.

GOP presumptive presidential nominee Donald Trump called the fines “insane” and vowed that “nothing like this will happen in our country if I’m its next president.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Governor Praises 2016 Legislative Session Accomplishments

Gov. Doug Ducey, now in his second year as the state’s chief executive, is singing the praises of the 2016 legislative session. The Republican Party, in general, could take a lesson from his communication skills. Here’s his statement:

This session was about addressing priorities, keeping promises and solving problems. Together, lawmakers stepped up and worked in a spirit of good faith and good government to keep Arizona on a strong and stable path forward.

For the first time since 2007, we brought our budget to structural balance – and we did it while investing in our vital commitments, protecting our most vulnerable and honoring our veterans. We’ve prioritized our K-12 schools, our world-class universities, child safety and public safety – and we’ve done it without raising taxes on hardworking Arizonans.

We built upon our accomplishments last year to bring our laws into the 21st-century, embrace the sharing economy and make Arizona more attractive and responsive to innovation.

We took significant action to keep our citizens, families and communities safe – from ramping up the fight against drug cartels and drug addiction, to bringing justice to victims of crime, to eliminating roadblocks to care for foster children and families.

We did a lot of good this session – but these accomplishments are not ours. They belong to the Arizona students and teachers, who will benefit from more resources in the classrooms; the families, small business owners and citizens, who will benefit from low taxes, lean regulations, and an excellent quality of life; and the next generation, who will benefit from our efforts to set Arizona’s budget in balance and save for the future.”

 

 

Attorney General Wins Big Victory against Physician Immunity under Marijuana Act

Attorney General Mark Brnovich announced today a major victory in litigation involving the scope of physician immunity under the Arizona Medical Marijuana Act or AMMA.

The Arizona Supreme Court unanimously ruled the AMMA does not immunize a physician against prosecution for falsely attesting that he or she reviewed a patient’s medical records from the previous twelve months before providing a written certification authorizing medical marijuana use.

“Arizona voters never intended for our medical marijuana laws to give criminal immunity to anyone who breaks the law in order to operate marijuana mills aimed at maximizing profits rather than providing good patient care,” said Attorney General Mark Brnovich.

“Today, the Supreme Court sent a clear message; if doctors commit a crime while issuing medical marijuana certifications they will be held accountable,” added Brnovich.
 
In 2012, a Navajo County Grand Jury indicted Dr. Robert Gear on one count of Forgery and one count of Fraudulent Schemes and Artifices. Dr. Gear allegedly signed a medical marijuana certification for a police informant before receiving a year’s worth of the patient’s records. The trial court dismissed the indictment, ruling ARS 36–2811(C) immunized Dr. Gear against prosecution on those charges. The Court of Appeals affirmed.

In today’s ruling written by Justice Clint Bolick, the Arizona Supreme Court vacated the opinion of the Court of Appeals, reversed the trial court’s order of dismissal, and returned the criminal case against Dr. Gear back to the trial court in Navajo County.

Solicitor General John R. Lopez IV argued the case before the Arizona Supreme Court.

Assistant Attorney General Maria Syms authored the Amicus Curiae Brief on behalf of the State of Arizona.

For additional information, members of the media may contact Mia Garcia, Director of Media Relations at (602) 339-5895 or Mia.Garcia@azag.gov.

To read the decision in full, CLICK HERE.

There’s no Blaming the ‘Establishment’ This Time; We Selected Trump

Once again, conservative Americans feel betrayed and ignored by the Republican “Establishment.” Yet again, we are stuck with a nominee for president who is not with us on the matters we most care about.

In fact, each succeeding GOP presidential candidate now drifts further and further away from the party’s official platform.

Many are pointing the finger at Donald Trump and saying they won’t vote for him. A photoshopped graphic is making a big impact for stating that the Republican Party died in 2016 and the cause of death is Donald Trump.

This is the wrong diagnosis for the problem. Trump won the nomination fair and square. He competed for it and he won it.

We can no longer blame the Republican Establishment. Trump won a majority of state presidential primaries – including Arizona. And a slim majority of Arizonans selected as delegates for the Republican National Convention support Trump. It’s the messages he uses that are cause for concern.

As Dr. Alan Snyder writes here, Republican voters have concluded that morality and integrity, the rule of law and the U.S. Constitution no longer matter. He basically says this is a dismal indication that the Republican platform no longer means beans.

We said the same thing immediately following the Republican primary in 2014. That was when Arizona voters elected a Planned Parenthood supporter as secretary of state. Along with numerous others who, it appears, probably have never read the GOP platform. If they ever did, they came away with nothing from it.

Further, Dr. Snyder wrote:

The Republican voters (and for the sake of brevity, I’ll just assume most were Republicans) have decided that a man who rejects nearly every line in past Republican platforms will be their nominee for president.

In short, the party is the problem. Not the establishment. Republican voters in Indiana, New York and numerous other states chose Trump. It wasn’t Karl Rove pulling all the strings.

The GOP voters also chose Sen. John McCain in 2008 and Mitt Romney in 2012 to run for president. Neither is a platform-based Republican.

So the chickens have come home to roost. And we conservatives had better start articulating the reasons for conservatism’s advantages for society and why it’s the best approach for a healthy vibrant America.

Dr. Michael Brown also voices the same concerns here.

This is not so much an indictment on Trump as it is an indictment on the American people. God could well be giving us exactly what we deserve.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his blatant, well-documented lying.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his consistent practice of vile character assassination for the purpose of political gain.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his vulgarity and profanity.

Tens of millions of Americans are not put off by his ignorance of critical issues and his complete flip-flopping of major positions.

Decent people who believe in Republican, conservative principles are not winning national elections. We must roll up our sleeves and educate the people. Rush Limbaugh asked yesterday who the conservative leader is and who is articulating conservatism. I would argue that it’s Sen. Ted Cruz. But we didn’t convince enough people that he is the logical nominee.

The blame lies with us. We are allowing the things that the Donald Trumps and the Michele Reagans, and others, believe in to emerge within our own party. We must do better. We must do, as conservative Bill Whittle says, a much better job of articulating our principles and why they serve America better than any other.

Cruz Lost, but Conservativism Did Not

From today’s Rush Limbaugh radio program:

RUSH: So it apparently is the case that Ted Cruz decided between midnight and 2 a.m. Monday — well, Tuesday morning. Early Tuesday morning, late Monday night, before the voting began in Indiana, Ted Cruz decided to get out if he didn’t do well in Indiana. He didn’t tell very many people. A limited number of staff tried to talk him out of it. His mind was made up.  Now, it’s interesting that that’s before Trump on Fox & Friends yesterday accused Cruz’s dad of consorting with Lee Harvey Oswald.  But even without that, I wonder…

I have not spoken to Senator Cruz, and I probably could get through if I picked up the phone.  But there are just some things here that I assume.  I know a lot of you in the audience were very sad when Cruz announced that he was not gonna continue, that many of you had unbelievably high hopes and a lot invested, because on paper here we had somebody that was — a Republican that was — actually conservative, who actually could implement the things that you and I all believe and wasn’t the establishment and so forth.

I don’t… The thing I don’t know — and, as I say, I could find out. But I’m gonna surmise some things with the caveat/proviso that I could be wrong here.  Many people sent me notes last night saying, “Rush, are you finally gonna admit that conservatism is dead now?  Are you just…? Are you gonna…? Rush, are you finally going to come to grips with the fact that conservatism has never been the big, majority way of thinking in this country?  How can you look at what’s becoming of this country, what’s become of it in the last 10, 15 years and say that conservatism dominates anything?”

And I know that there are many people running around saying similar things to that today.  But I don’t think conservatism died last night.  I don’t think conservatism is being buried in Indiana.  I think what happened is that another conservative messenger was systematically, piece by piece, destroyed.  Which is the normal course of things.  For all of you who think that conservatism is dead and on its last legs, why does it remain the single greatest threat feared by the Democrat Party and the American left?

Now, there are many answers to that question, but one of them surely is they fear conservatism.  They know how many Americans are conservative, and they know what percentage of the country is. The left and people I’m talking about know full well they are a small minority.  I’m talking about the committed activist types are a small minority.  They have succeeded in governing against the will of the American people for I don’t know how long now.

They fear conservatism more than they fear any foreign enemy.  They are far more mobilized and animated and intent on destroy conservatives and conservatism than they are any other foreign threat.  That would not be the case if it was insignificant.  Now, understandably, too, I have to admit that one of the aspects of the thought process of the American left is they don’t like opposition, period, no matter who it is.  And they don’t believe in debating and they don’t believe in a debate in the arena of ideas and triumphing that way.

They snuff out opposition.

They eliminate it.

There’s no such thing as a level playing field.

Their opponents don’t even get on the field. That’s the strategy: “Don’t even let ’em on the field.” Now, I’m sure that Cruz was prepared, as prepared as he could be, and I’m sure his family was prepared as they could be for what was going to happen, given how he had arrived at his prominent position in the Republican nominee field.  He knew he had made enemies of the Republican establishment, and he knew that the media and the Democrat Party are automatic enemies.  But here’s what I don’t know.

I just don’t know just how equipped anybody is to cheerfully, happily live each and every day with the kind of garbage, lies, filth spewed about you and your family multiple times a day, and yet we’re told that the conservative must be cheerful and must be happy and must be a happy warrior.  Well, how does that work, you know, when they’re out there saying you’re the Zodiac Killer?  You stop and think of that for just a second.  Put yourself in Ted Cruz’s shoes.  And let’s establish some givens.  A, Ted Cruz loves America much as anybody.

Ted Cruz desperately fears America’s on the wrong track and desperately wants to stop it and turn it around and save it.  Ted Cruz reveres the Constitution of the United States, knows it backwards and forwards.  Ted Cruz reveres the founding.  Ted Cruz is religious.  That means he is a person who does his best each and every day to live according to the morality that he believes.  And then he has to get up every day and read stories in the media about how he is too mean and he is so vicious and so Hitler-like that his daughters will not even be in the same room with him because he scares them so much.

I mean, the stuff that was said about Cruz and his family long before the Rafael Cruz/Lee Harvey Oswald stuff started, long before the Zodiac Killer stuff started? It’s nothing that any other conservative had to put up with, don’t misunderstand.  My question is: How does how does anybody go through that?  I mean, you’re running for president. You have these desperately held beliefs. You think that we’re in a national crisis. You’re frustrated because so many people don’t see it that way.  You’re hell-bent on convincing them.

You’re hell-bent on trying to explain to them why you’re doing what you’re doing.  You’re very earnest about it.  You care about it so much that you’re doing everything you can to get people to listen to you.  And every time you open your mouth, some fool is out making fun of you, destroying you with lies and innuendo and so forth.  And at some…? Do you not at some point say, “This can’t be done.  If 38 percent of the people of Florida can be convinced that I am the Zodiac killer, how do you stay cheerful?”  At some point do you not just say to yourself…

And again, I don’t know.  I may be putting myself in Cruz’s shoes and imagining how I would react to things that have been said about him that are demonstrably not true, that everybody laughs about.  It would be… (interruption) Yeah, but I can’t… (interruption) Snerdley says, “You’ve gone through much worse than that.”  No, I haven’t gone through much worse.  I’ve gone through similar. (interruption)  Yes, I know, I know. I’ve gone through similar.  But… (interruption) The staff is saying, “You’ve gone through 27 years!”

Well, yes. I’m still cheerful, and the audience still is here and so forth.  All true.  But, see, unlike in politics, I can take all that. As I told you, I had to make a big psychological adjustment very early on. Nobody is raised to want to be hated. Nobody is raised to want to be disliked and laughed at and reviled and made fun of every day, and have some of the most outrageous things said about ’em.  I had to learn. In order to put up with that for 27 years, I had to learn how to take it as a sign of success, which that’s… Try that psychologically.

Try trying to tell yourself that being hated by 30 percent of the people that hear you means you’re succeeding.  Nobody’s raised that way.  But in politics you can’t get anywhere with people hating you.  I mean, I can have 30 percent of the people thinking I’m the Zodiac Killer, and it’s not gonna stop them from listening.  It may even make ’em want to listen more.  But in politics, you’re running for president, and they tell people that you’re the Zodiac Killer, that your dad was there with Lee Harvey Oswald?

There’s no way to make that, to transfer that into some measure of success in a political campaign.  So I just wonder if at some point Cruz said, “I love my family too much. I mean, I know they agreed. I know my family understood what we’re getting into here. But there’s always a ‘but.'”  Here’s the point.  I don’t know. Maybe ask Senator Cruz about it sometime.  But the point is that along with Cruz’s defeat comes the cheerful hammering of nails into the coffin that will bury conservatism.  And, I’m sorry: Conservatism is not buried after last night.

Conservatism didn’t die.

How many people supporting Donald Trump think that he is, in one way or another?  There are a lot of conservatives supporting Trump.  A lot of people that participated in those 2010, 2014 mid-terms that gave Republicans landslide victories, are supporting Trump.  Some of them know he’s not one of them.  That call that we got from the guy in Philadelphia? That call has resonated through the Drive-By Media like you can’t believe.  There have been whole columns written on that call and what it means in terms of the Republican establishment.

The guy’s name was Sean.  He’s a life-time listener of the program, was calling from Philadelphia, and the upshot of it was that he admitted 80 percent of what Trump says he disagrees with, but he’s voting for him anyway because Trump is going to fight.  You know, this business about the Republican Party… Like the Boston Globe: The Republicans commited suicide.  The Republicans were committing suicide by signing on to amnesty.  This is what you and I all understand that they don’t.

 

Every Democrat issue they sign on with, every Chamber of Commerce issue that they sign on to may as well be a gun, a bullet in the suicide gun that the Republican Party’s using.  And this guy calling, he’s pretty much saying the same thing. “Look, I’m fed up with them. They don’t fight back. They say they’re going to, but they don’t. They ask us for money and they ask us for votes.” He was well spoken, and he said, “What matters is Trump is gonna fight ’em.”  I said, “What about Cruz?”  He said, “Well, I’ll vote for Cruz if he’s nominee.

“But Cruz isn’t gonna fight ’em like Trump is. Cruz isn’t gonna fight ’em.  I don’t want hear how a guy’s conservative every day.  That’s not what matters to me.  I don’t…” Guy’s the biggest conservative in the race. “Big deal! What are you gonna do with it? What are you gonna do about this?”  He was thoroughly convinced that Trump’s gonna fight back against everything that he thinks — the caller thinks — is going wrong.  That’s the faith that he has invested in Trump.  And he’s a conservative.  He’s one of us.

There are a lot of them.

Conservatism didn’t die.  Conservatism’s not being buried.  Conservatism, whether people know it or not, is still how most people (dare I say, “productive people”) live their lives today.  It’s how most people wish to — and hope they can — raise their kids.  They may not even know it.  Many of them are not ideological conservatives. They don’t run around and say, “I’m conservative,” and then tell you what they are.  In fact, some of them who are conservative don’t want to use that word because they don’t want to get snickered at. They don’t want to be laughed at.

But conservatism didn’t die, and I don’t want anybody out there thinking that it did.  Now, back to Justin, our caller in the previous hour.  He said that he believes if Trump’s gonna win, he’s gotta reach out to conservatives.  And I’m gonna tell you, there’s a grain of truth to that in this sense:  Every four years it’s conservatives who are told they have to unify.  It’s conservatives who are told they have to bite the bullet.  And I think in this circumstance right now, Trump could help himself immensely.

If he would surround himself with, say, cabinet appointments or announce cabinet appointments or some genuine conservative people who are in his immediate orb, it would send a signal to people. Whether he listens to ’em or not, we’ll never know.  Well, we will know at some point, but it’s a good policy. Here’s another thing to remember, though, folks. It is true to say that we’re always the ones that have to bite the bullet and unify.  Well, that does, sadly, go along with Trump. Trump is under no compunction to move to the losing side or what he might perceive to be the losing side.

Now, if he has grace, and if he really wants to unify, be inclusive, he’ll do that on his own, but he’s not required to.  Nobody is.  No winner is required to reach out to the losers and say, “Come on in!”  It’s the losers that have to get with the program.  That’s just… I know some of you have not been taught losing in school. (interruption) Well, what are you shaking your head?  Do you think…? (interruption)  Is that too coarse to say?

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Here’s Jennifer, Spokane, Washington. You’re next.  Great to have you with us on the program.  Hi.

CALLER:  Hi.  Thank you so much for taking my call today.

RUSH:  You bet.  You bet.

CALLER:  I’ve been listening to you since 1989, and I’m just a big fan. So this is very exciting for me.

RUSH:  Thank you very.  I appreciate that.

CALLER:  I just wanted to say that Ted Cruz is an honest, godly, awesome man, and the only reason that I think that he had to drop out and that he lost — that he’s not won as many states as projected — is because of the lies that have been perpetrated about him.  Donald Trump goes to the media and gets way more airtime than Ted Cruz ever gets, and when he says outrageous lies about Ted Cruz, nobody says anything.  So the lie is out there, and it’s assumed to be truth, and it’s not. And you can’t… It’s almost impossible to fight that.  Donald Trump has completely taken Ted Cruz’s honor and his name — his good name — and because of that, I cannot vote in good conscience. I cannot vote for Donald Trump.

RUSH:  It wasn’t just Trump, though, and it’s not just Cruz.

CALLER:  It wasn’t.  Yeah.

RUSH:  They do it to Republicans. It happens to every Republican, no matter how conservative they are or not.  Now, it may be the way —

CALLER: (interrupting)

RUSH: No wait. This is… Jennifer, this is important.  Because they did it to Reagan, too.  But he was able to overcome it. These are things we’re gonna have to figure out and learn.  And, by the way… Well, we’ll stick with that.  You know, Reagan was reviled and hated. You might not remember. You might not have been old enough back then. But trust me.  Reagan was as hated as Cruz is.  They accused Ronald Reagan of sneaking into Lafayette Park at night and stealing cans of pork and beans from the homeless.  They blamed AIDS on Ronald Reagan ’cause he never said the word.  They blamed…

They accused Reagan of wanting people to get AIDS and die.  They accused Reagan of being responsible for all of that because he wouldn’t talk about it. He had no compassion for it or any of that, so he was anti-gay. He was anti-this.  It was vicious.  And yet Reagan won two landslides.  Now, there’s a reason why.  And it’s not just conservatism.  There have to be other things at play.  Now, I’m not… You’re right about Cruz was destroyed.

CALLER: Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

RUSH: But every Republican always is.  You start out that way.  I’m not excusing it.  I’m with you on it.  I have great empathy for Senator Cruz and his family having to go through some of this stuff. Especially, you know, when you start out and you’re Cruz. Really you’re on almost a crusade, a mission to save America. There’s no greater calling. You’re gonna give everything about your life to it. You’re gonna give your entire existence. You’re gonna put your family through it. You’ve gotten their permission. They’ve signed on for it. They’re helping out and so forth.

And then every day to see yourself disfigured this way, and then to see people laughing about it.  But it happened to Rubio.  And it wasn’t just Trump.  But the Lyin’ Ted stuff stuck.  I tell you, I was here every day saying, “Cruz is not a liar.”  I was chastising Trump for saying that.  Whatever you want to say about Ted Cruz, he’s not a liar.  Then let’s not even give into the idea that they were able to convince people that Ted Cruz was stealing delegates.

It just became too much to overcome.  That’s the kind of thing that in the normal, everyday ebb and flow of politics, you’d get a gold star.  That was brilliant maneuvering what Cruz was doing.  It was the only option open to him. It was right in line with the rules. It’s how Abraham Lincoln became president, by the way! And they’re out there hammering Cruz with it, and he didn’t explain it, when given the chance.

I mean, he could have taken any number of questions and turned it into a teachable moment about the American political system. And he was trying to do that with that Trump supporter he crossed the street on Monday to go talk to in Indiana.  This is why my point is conservatism has not died.  Conservatism… By the way, it can’t.  I’ve made the case: You cannot kill off conservatism.  You can have dictatorships, and you can set up one, but still you cannot kill off conserve because it’s in the heart.

But everything conservatism holds dear is under assault right now, including attacks on Western Civilization.  This country is under assault from all over the world. But for the first time we’ve got a genuine force inside the borders who is also as part of the attack. Disguised — disguised, by the way — as trying to correct all the flaws that America was founded with. Anyway, I have to take a break.  I’m glad you called, Jennifer.  Thank you so much.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: This is Louie in Edison, New Jersey.  It’s great to have you with us.  Hi.

CALLER:  Hi.  Thank you for taking my call, Rush.  Just before I make my point and ask you my question, you said on your show many times that if you listen for a week… You know, let a liberal listen for a week and they’ll be committed.  Just over the weekend, a buddy of mine from Maryland came over and I was discussing, you know, what you said, and he told me — interestingly so — he knows a friend of his that’s a prosecutor in Silver Spring, Maryland, who was a flaming liberal. And his wife was somewhat of a conservative and told him to listen to you for a week, and he is a passionate conservative now.

RUSH:  Really?

CALLER:  It’s fascinating.

RUSH:  Normally it takes six weeks, but this happened in one week, you say?

CALLER:  One week.

RUSH:  Wow.

CALLER:  Fascinating.

RUSH:  See, folks, there’s reason here to be cheerful and optimistic.  I appreciate that story.  Thank you for telling me that.

CALLER:  Thank you.  My question is, I don’t think at all… And I want to know what you think about this. I don’t think at all conservatism died at all.  I think morality died.  Just the way the media, which is the face of the cultural rot in this country, destroyed Cruz.  They never destroyed him on the conservative issues, so conservatism did not die.  Morality, right and wrong died. But at the same time — and my question to you is — can you have a conservative movement when there is no distinction between right and wrong?  And what worries me is I will support Donald Trump even though I was a Ted Cruz supporter. You know, I will support Trump because I’m worried about the Supreme Court, et cetera, and I think he’ll be under pressure to put right-wing justices on the court. But my question to you is, how can there be a conservative vision for the country when, to a certain extent, it represents — it’s synonymous with — that cultural rot of the media?

RUSH:  Interesting question.  You know, you’re asking me basically to combine morality with conservatism, and you think that we can’t have one without the other.  The first thing I want to address is your terminology.  I’ve been thinking about this.  “Conservative movement.”  I’m not sure so sure there is one.  And by that I mean this campaign has exposed the fact that there isn’t one.  I mean, so many people that I’m sure a lot of you thought were part of the conservative movement, wanted no part of Ted Cruz.  And you’re out there scratching your heads.

Admittedly some of them wanted no part of Trump, but there was a lot of conservative… You would think, in terms of media, individual commentators, certain elected Republicans.  Probably you can think of examples on your own of people that you thought, “If there was a conservative movement, they’re in it.”  And when you think of conservative movement, you think of a unified, like-minded bunch of people.  I don’t think it exists anymore.  I don’t know that it has for quite a while.  Conservatism’s been at war with itself almost as much as it has been at war with liberalism, in the recent years.

How many recent years… I’d have to really apply myself and think about it to give you concrete examples.  But tell me this:  If there is a conservative movement, who is the leader?  (interruption) No.  I am not, because… (interruption) No, no, no, no. (interruption) No, no. (interruption) No, no.  No, no. (interruption) There isn’t one, is the point.  There isn’t a singular conservative figure that every other conservative goes to for guidance, inspiration, motivation, definition.  Now, you could ask, “Was there one of those?”

Well, yeah. I mean back… There was a conservative movement once, and you would say that — and this is some years ago now. William F. Buckley could be said to have been the intellectual engine and head of the conservative movement, and it was Buckley to whom people back then looked.  But when William Buckley passed away, there became — and it was going on before he died, too. But there was internal competitions within the conservative movement for that position.  Leader of the conservative movement.

 

Who is it that personifies, embodies, and defines the movement?  There isn’t such a person today.  Conservatism has erected litmus tests and happily, happily wants to excommunicate people from the so-called movement.  But clearly, if there’s a movement, somebody show me where it’s unified and show me where it has a purpose. Show me where you can find, in fact, unified definitions or explanations of positions conservatives hold issue to issue to issue.  How many conservatives do you know who would just as soon everybody that’s a social conservative get broomed away and silenced?

You talk about morality and conservatism, and how can you have…? How can you erase the whole concept of right and wrong and still have conservatism.  Yeah, but morality’s always been a bugaboo for people.  Morality always has been, because nobody’s perfect.  It’s impossible.  Nobody is morally pure, and so it’s very difficult to stand in judgment of other people morally, but there are those who do and those who try, and they offend people — particularly leftists.  But I agree with you. I think our culture is rotting away before our eyes.  The thing about that is that there’s no changing it. There’s no president that’s gonna change it.  Cultural changes are generationally evolutionary, and I don’t think the generation that is gonna be born and refuses to accept the garbage they inherit from their parents and grandparents, has been born yet.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: I want to share with you a fascinating little email that I received during the course of the program today.  It addresses… We had a call here talking about morality and how morality and conservatism… If we obliterate the whole notion of right and wrong, then how can we also have conservatism?

The email is from a Trumpist who claims to be a conservative.  “Cruz Is a Godly Leader and Will Be Used Again,” is the subject line.  The email is: “I don’t believe this has anything to do with people not wanting conservatism or not wanting morality.  We do want it.  This country has come so far down from where we were with Reagan, that even if I would love Ted Cruz to be our president, and I would love to have the Bible back in school — how much just that would help our country? And I think Cruz might have been able to do that.

“But our country has fallen so low into immorality and liberalism that Cruz — as 100 percent moral and 100 percent conservative — can’t win in the climate we have today.  Trump, okay, maybe 40 percent conservative, but he has a chance to actually win. And I, Rush, will take 40 percent conservative now and work our way back up to maybe 50 percent next time.  We just have to get back the office of the presidency with an outsider. Cruz would be amazing, but this election, from where we are, 100 percent conservative is gonna be rejected every day.  It’s too scary to people.  It’s too stark.

“It’s too drastic a change.  I pray that will not be the case in years to come.  Sent from my iPhone.”  So there you have a Trump supporter explaining how she would love it to be Cruz, but doesn’t think Cruz could ever win this year, because the country is just not prepared to put on the screeching brakes and do a 180 — a 180-degree turn — in one election.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

largeRUSH: Here’s Amanda in Wellington, Florida.  Great to have you with us.  Hello.

CALLER:  Hi.  I just wanted to make a comment that I don’t think there’s any way Cruz really could have won right now, nor really should he have.  People are hurting.  They need relief right now, and Cruz stands for amazing things, and I think he would be incredible, and I hope he does get his shot at it. But right now Trump is speaking to the masses whether people are admitting it or not because people are hurting.  I mean, look at that $400, you know, could somebody come up with it.

RUSH:  Yeah, it’s amazing isn’t it?

CALLER:  And that’s where I think he’s getting everybody, and people can’t see it.  Well, how do you not see it? ‘Cause… I don’t know.  It’s just my thought.

RUSH:  No, I think… Look, I know what you’re saying, and I have similar beliefs.  My job with the Kansas City Royals, when I had it, was marketing.  And the one thing… We had a marketing plan.  Every season, we had a theme, and the designed purpose of the theme was to get more people to come to the ballpark, which meant buying tickets.  But we never announced how we were gonna do it.  We just designed the plan and then we implemented it.

It would be counterproductive to say, “Here is our plan this year to separate you from your money.”  Well, by the same token, I think to run around saying, “I’m the most conservative guy! I’m the conservative you can trust! I’m the…” Just do it.  Just go out there and be it.  Telegraphing it at this particular point might make it a bigger target than it otherwise would be.

Obama Calls His Management of the U.S. Economy ‘Best in Human History’

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnDespite declines in labor force participation, family income and home ownership juxtaposed to increases in poverty, debt, and health care costs, President Obama maintains that his Administration “probably managed the American economy better than any large economy on Earth in human history.”

The president lambasted critics who cite GDP statistics that show Obama to be the only president that has failed to deliver even a single year of 3 percent growth—making his the worst performing administration since Herbert Hoover’s during the early years of the Great Depression. “Growth and prosperity aren’t the only metrics by which we should judge what has transpired,” Obama argued. “Under my policies millions of Americans have been able to escape the rat race of wage-slavery and enjoy massive amounts of leisure time. Not since Lincoln have so many been liberated.”

Obama singled out the movie The Big Short for special criticism calling its portrayal of the collapse of bad real estate loans “one sided. The narrow focus on the inability of lenders to make payments on their loans overlooks the fact that it was government pressure on the banks that enabled poor credit risks to join the ranks of home owners, if albeit only temporarily. Isn’t it better to have owned and lost than never to have owned at all?”

The real problem is that the banking reforms put in place by the Clinton Administration didn’t go far enough,” Obama contended. “If we had just taken that next logical step of eliminating the necessity to repay those mortgage loans we could have averted the foreclosure crisis that tipped the economy into recession in 2008.”

Denmark Plagued by Migrant Crime Wave

The generosity of Danes opening their borders to immigrants from Muslim countries has been repaid by an astounding surge in crimes committed by these foreigners. Though these foreigners make up only 8% of the country’s population they account for over 75% of the crimes committed and over 80% of those drawing unemployment benefits from the government.

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders, who has frequently offered up Denmark as an exemplar of the kind of social policies we ought to adopt in the United States, professed himself “not the least bit disturbed by these results. Compared to the places these immigrants came from, Denmark is a very rich country. The redistribution of Danish wealth, whether by informal appropriation via theft or though the more organized method of taxation and funding of welfare benefits brings that country closer to the ideal of social justice.”

No one who has more than they need has the moral right to withhold that excess from others who have less,” Sanders maintained. “Of course it is preferable that government oversee the transfer of material goods from the haves to the have-nots, but we mustn’t be too harsh on those who grow impatient waiting for government to do the right thing and take action on their own.”

In related news, anti-Trump Latinos shouting “make America Mexico again” went on a violent rampage bloodying Trump supporters and smashing car windows following the GOP candidate’s rally in Costa Mesa, California this week. Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton blamed Trump “for creating the environment that inspires the desperate and dispossessed to resort to violence to achieve their objectives” and vowed to end the violence “by showing them that when I am president government will be on their side.”

EPA Refuses to Pay Damages for Its Toxic Spill

Colorado Republicans blasted the EPA after an agency official refused to cover the full cost of damages done by the EPA’s release of toxic sludge from the Gold King Mine last August contaminated water supplies in Colorado and New Mexico after spreading from the Animas River to the San Juan River.

EPA official Bill Murray explained that “people need to understand that when we took responsibility for the spill we were making a moral statement, not agreeing to compensate anyone for any injuries suffered. The government has ‘sovereign immunity’ and cannot be held liable without its consent. Obviously, we are not consenting to the demands of those who have been harmed by our actions.”

Sen. Cory Gardner (R-Colo) characterized Murray’s stance as “outrageous” and “another example of the Washington double standard. If a private firm or individual had been responsible for a spill of this magnitude the EPA would be coming down hard on them and demanding they make restitution to the victims of their negligence.”

Murray countered by insisting that “the double standard is fully justified by the different motivations of private parties and the government. Private parties are out for profit. Imposing substantial monetary penalties on them is a useful and necessary corrective to their selfish behaviors. Government, on the other hand, is non-profit. Its concern is with the general welfare. Consequently, there is no need for financial penalties to be used in order to get government to do the right thing. It will do this on its own.”

In related news, the EPA defied a Supreme Court stay against the agency’s global warming Clean Power Plan (CPP). EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy asserted that “the Court’s ruling is merely a legal opinion. The President has a different opinion. Under our Constitution’s separation of powers he believes he is not obligated to submit to subjugation by either of the other two branches of our government. He will not willingly submit and there is no mechanism for the Court compel him to do so.”

Hillary Floats Pair of Controversial Ideas

In a bid to solidify her leftist credentials, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton floated a couple of ridiculous ideas about how this country will improve when she is president.

On the urban violence front, Clinton proposes to “reset” the relationship between police and street gangs. “The knee jerk attitude of the average American toward urban gangs is that they are a bad thing,” she observed. “What they overlook is that joining a gang is like having a family. It’s feeling like you’re part of something bigger than yourself. I think this is a positive thing. Another positive is that the youngsters learn valuable lessons like loyalty and how to handle weapons.”

The problem is that these gangs operate outside of the law,” she continued. “We need to find a way of bringing them under the umbrella of the government’s authorized use of force if society is to capitalize on the skills these young people have learned as gang members. I believe President Obama’s idea of establishing a national police force would offer these otherwise outlaws an alternate path within the context of our social justice objectives.”

On the domestic violence front, Clinton proposes “to expand upon the great strides President Obama has made in changing attitudes towards abortion. Ensuring that all heath insurance must cover abortions has compelled everyone to bear the burden of funding this vital human right. Nevertheless, many still voice opinions criticizing the practice. Women are subjected to the torment of being emotionally traumatized by the fear that fellow citizens may disapprove of their choice. We need to turn this around so every woman can feel pride in her decision to exterminate an unwanted fetus in her body. Perhaps a presidential medal that could be given on an annual basis to the woman who makes the most courageous decision for abortion would help change how abortion is perceived in the minds of the average person.”

Trump Foreign Policy Speech Alarms Allies

GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump’s emphasis that the guiding principle for foreign policy under his administration will be “America first” has made some of our European allies nervous.

Germany’s foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier characterized Trump’s stance as “arrogant and selfish. To put America first is offensive to my ears. He is denying our equality and our right to participate in determining what America must do to protect all of our mutual interests. If this kind of self-centered viewpoint had prevailed in an earlier era my country and perhaps all of western Europe would today be run by fascists or communists.”

Carl Bildt, a former Swedish prime minister and foreign minister concurred. “Trump is disrespecting democratic processes and democratic values,” Bildt charged. “He makes no provision for our vote. Becoming America’s president won’t make him king. He would not have the prerogative to shrug off the obligations the United States has assumed and on which the rest of the free world has depended for three-quarters of a century without our acquiescence.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron said “Trump’s demand that we be required to fund a minimum share of the cost of our defense is unprecedented. This is not how things have been done for more than seven decades. We haven’t budgeted for the kind of outlays this would entail. We can’t afford it.”

German Vice Chancellor Sigmar Gabriel suggested that “our only viable option might be to call a President Trump’s bluff. If we look like we’ll be overrun by communists, fascists, or Islamists the United States would have to come to our rescue. Otherwise they’d be left alone to face an entire world hostile to their own survival.”

In related news, President Obama praised Germany’s “open door” policy on refugees from the Middle East, saying “it has set an example that others should follow. If the various different ethnic and religious peoples were more uniformly dispersed around the globe the incentives for nations to fight one another would be diminished.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Virginia Governor Enfranchises Felons

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnSaying he is tired of waiting for the legislature to take action, Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D-Va) issued an executive order restoring voting rights to convicted felons. The move is expected to add more than 200,000 Democrats to the state’s voter rolls.

Ours is a government of, by, and for the people,” McAuliffe said. “This means all the people. For better or for worse, criminals are part of society. As members of society they are entitled to the human right to vote, to choose who will represent their interests in the halls of government.”

The Governor brushed aside Republican objections, calling them “politically motivated. Granted, attorneys for former Gov. Kaine (D) advised that the type of action I’m taking would constitute a ‘troubling rewrite of state law and the constitution.’ But I got my own attorneys and they assure me that there is no limit to my authority to correct what I perceive as injustices.”

On top of the issue of justice is the very practical concern that the votes of these felons could very well make the difference between whether a Democrat or a Republican takes the state’s electoral votes in this November’s election for president,” McAuliffe pointed out. “I cannot sit idly by when there is so much at stake.”

McAuliffe professed himself unfazed by GOP gubernatorial hopeful Ed Gillespie’s charge that “this sweeping action benefiting convicted rapists, murderers and child molesters is a reckless abuse of executive power.” “Sweeping action is what the voters of this state elected me to do. If the enfranchisement of 200,000 more Democratic voters also makes it tougher on Mr. Gillespie’s political aspirations so much the better.”

In related news, McAuliffe mentor Hillary Clinton told Connecticut Democrats that she would “spend every single minute of every day to change the gun culture in America” and promised “to take executive action to amend the Second Amendment to keep guns out of the hands of those who oppose progressive values.”

Dem Operative Says “Hillary Will Be Elected Even If She’s in Jail”

Long-time Democratic insider, and current CNN political correspondent, Bob Beckel predicted that “Hillary will be elected president even if she’s in jail on election day. The American people don’t care about emails or computer security. Their expectations are that those they elect to lead them will rise above a literal compliance with the law in order to more effectively wield the power that is necessary to govern the nation.”

Beckel discounted the possibility that Clinton’s legal troubles would pose any impediments to her assumption of the presidency. “I’d say that by winning in November she will have been effectively ‘pardoned’ for any and all crimes by the voters,” he contended. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if, at that point, President Obama were to officially pardon her. Failing that, she could always pardon herself as she would be entitled to do as president under Article II of the US Constitution.”

Hillary for President campaign manager Robbie Mook confirmed Beckel’s take, saying “this election will be all about trust. Who will voters trust to govern them? A billionaire businessman with no government experience? Or a woman who has occupied high positions within government over the past two decades, where she has demonstrated a nimbleness and agility to outfox every attack against her from her political foes? We see that as a ‘no brainer’ of a decision and are confident of victory in November.”

Illegal Aliens Have “Lawful Presence” Says Solicitor General

The lawless Obama Administration’s Solicitor General Donald Verrilli told the Supreme Court that “persons in the United States illegally may be granted a ‘lawful presence’ at the discretion of the President. As the nation’s legal sovereign his word is law and supersedes the legal constraints imposed by statute or the Constitution” and urged the Justices to reject the lawsuit being pressed by 26 states “because they are relying on an out-dated conception of the powers of government.”

Rather than inventing a new executive power not contemplated by the framers of the Constitution, why doesn’t the President just utilize the power to pardon lawbreakers given to him under Article II?” Chief Justice John Roberts asked.

A simple pardon would attenuate the President’s control over the affected group,” Verrilli replied. “The ‘lawful presence’ concept allows the President to tolerate or not tolerate the presence of this group at his option. It’s a way of ensuring that the affected individuals will conduct themselves in the manner that the President finds acceptable. It gives the President leverage over them. A pardoned individual is free to behave in any manner he chooses. The President’s ability to influence such individuals would be significantly impeded.”

California Bill Would Effectively Ban All Gun Dealers

Assembly Bill 2459, sponsored by Assembly Member Kevin McCarty (D-Sacramento) would institute such draconian regulations on firearms vendors that most, perhaps all, would be driven out of business. This is okay by McCarty, though, because “it would draw a distinct line between the duly authorized and armed police and the outlaws who possess guns.”

Let’s say that all legitimate gun dealers shutdown,” McCarty speculated. “There would be no legal way for a law-abiding citizen to obtain a firearm. The only available source would be an illegal street purchase. In one fell swoop, my bill would convert everyone with a gun into a criminal. The job of law enforcement would be simple and straight forward—everyone else with a gun would be a criminal.”

The ambiguities of guns fired in so-called self-defense would be eliminated,” the Assemblyman argued. “The law-abiding and innocent would be disarmed. Police could enter any fray with the confidence of knowing that anyone firing a weapon is a criminal. The hesitations created by uncertainty regarding whether a person is legally engaged in self-defense would be cast aside. Anyone with a gun would be a legitimate target for officers. Fewer police would get shot while trying to figure out who the bad guys are—it would be everyone with a gun.”

McCarty admitted that his bill “will not immediately remove firearms from those who already own them,” but hoped that “by explaining the new rules of engagement to our law-abiding members of society they will voluntarily give up their weapons so as not to be targeted by police in any incidents going forward.”

In related news, both Democratic contenders for president voiced support for a policy of suing gun manufacturers for crimes committed by persons wielding their firearms. “If every shooting victim or his surviving heirs can win millions from gun-manufacturers it would become financially ruinous for them to stay in business,” Hillary Clinton boasted. “We could render the Second Amendment defunct just like the parts of the original Constitution dealing with slavery were rendered defunct by the Civil War.”

Obama Threats to Veto 9/11 Bill

Legislation that would declassify a portion of the 9/11 Commission report on the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon in 2001 “will be vetoed by the President” said Press Secretary Josh Earnest “because it would disclose that government officers in Saudi Arabia provided the ‘seed money’ for al-Qaeda and, thus, do irreparable damage to the relationship between our two countries.”

While there is no evidence that aiding al-Qaeda was the official policy of the Saudi government there is evidence that lower ranking government officials may have been involved,” Earnest admitted. “Should the Saudi government have done a better job of controlling its own employees? Perhaps, but that’s all water under the bridge at this point. What’s done is done. Exposing such a sensitive matter now would be a gross invasion into Saudi Arabia’s internal affairs.”

Deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes acknowledged that “there was, certainly, at least kind of an insufficient attention to where all this money was going over many years from the government apparatus. But should we really be the ones casting stones? All kinds of money flows from our government to dubious, sinister and wasteful purposes. So, we are not without sin on such matters. The President feels that ‘forgive and forget’ may be our best option going forward.”

Obama Inadvertently Boosts Brexit Movement

President Obama’s pledge “to never set foot in the UK again if that country’s voters decide to leave the European Union” appears to have bolstered the movement pushing for that objective.

Independence Party leader Nigel Farage said “this threat from the odious Mr. Obama is a shot-in-the-arm to our efforts to extricate our country from the bureaucratic tyranny that the EU has become. It’s like a ‘buy one, get one free’ offer. Not only will the people of the United Kingdom get to disentangle ourselves from the EU’s continental fops, we will also, apparently, see the last of America’s premier self-righteous prig.”

Obama’s National Security Adviser Susan Rice called Farage’s remarks “daring and dangerous. He’s overlooking the fact that President Obama controls the world strongest military force—a force that could easily crush the United Kingdom in a matter of weeks if he gave the order.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron, a proponent of the UK’s continued membership in the EU, thanked Ambassador Rice “for helping to clarify the stakes in this important referendum.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Sanders Says Unemployment a ‘Viable Weapon in War against Global Warming’

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnIn Thursday’s debate, Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) wowed the Party faithful by promising that “economic dislocation and job losses will necessarily be part of our strategy to combat global climate change. The demise of any business or any individual, for that matter, must be a price we’re willing to pay to save the planet.”

Our addiction to prosperity must end,” Sanders demanded. “Most of humanity around the globe lives without the conveniences to which Americans have become accustomed. How can we justify luxuries like air conditioning, cable television, and private automobiles when the cost of these items is environmental destruction?”

Sanders vowed to “totally destroy the fossil fuel industry and return this country to the simpler and more frugal lifestyle of an earlier, pre-industrial era. Instead of burning coal or gas to heat our homes in winter, families can huddle together and use body heat for warmth. And if we abolish laws against public nudity in the summer we can let our bodies be air-cooled.”

The Senator also pointed out that “public nudity would ease concerns that voyeurs would invade the showers and restrooms of members of the opposite gender for illicit purposes. There would be no need for a pervert to feign a transgender identity to peep at women.”

Jobs are just a means to an end,” Sanders reminded. “If we can dial back our obsession with material comforts we may come to realize that unemployment is often a blessing. The gains in leisure time are immense. With the government providing subsistence for all, each individual can rise to pursue a higher purpose than he or she has been able to under a capitalist system that forces so many into wage-slavery.”

In related news, Oregon Federal District Court Magistrate, Judge Thomas Coffin ruled that “children have standing to sue the government for failure to take sufficient action to prevent climate change. Nominally, the power to take action is vested in elected representatives. However, children are currently disenfranchised. Since today’s children will bear the brunt of any long term consequences of inaction, it is the Court’s obligation to remedy this defect in the system. If they can persuasively make the case for remedial measures the Court will order the government to implement such measures.”

Reid Wishes Senate Seat Were a “Lifetime Gig”

Though he has opted not to run again, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) said “I wish I could stay in the Senate until I drop dead. The whole process of having to repeatedly seek voter approval to stay in office is tiresome and demeaning. A senator should be allowed to stay as long as he wants or until he is deposed or executed by the ruling sovereign as was the case in ancient Rome.”

Reid opined that “pleasing an emperor or a president is a much simpler task than pleasing the average voter. Think about it. Isn’t the voice of one man easier to hear and heed than the millions of voices emanating from the general population? We back the top guy and we get our piece of the pie. It’s a clear quid pro quo. Trying to please the general public is far more complex. Some of their demands are mutually exclusive. Pleasing one inevitably infuriates others. It’s a no-win proposition.”

It’s my fantasy that President Obama would issue an Executive Order converting all senate seats to lifetime tenures,” Reid dreamed. “That would be ideal, but I fear it won’t happen while I’m alive. Maybe if there’s some sort of national crisis like an ISIS attack within the United States the conditions might be right for a ‘freeze-in-place’ directive extending the terms of all current officeholders until further notice. But I wonder if ISIS is daring enough to initiate the required threat to make this happen.”

Whether ISIS cares enough about Reid’s dream was thrown into doubt as the terrorist group announced this week that “wiping out” all of India’s Hindus—all one billion of them—is higher on their list of priorities for implementing its plan of global conquest.

Bi-Partisan Anti-Encryption Bill in the Works

Senators Richard Burr (R-NC) and Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif) have introduced a draft bill that would effectively bar any private parties from owning encrypted phones, computers, or other devices that are not accessible to government surveillance.

Burr emphasized “the important law enforcement objectives we are attempting to protect through this legislation. Criminals must not be allowed to hide their nefarious schemes from duly appointed police authorities. We cannot protect the general public if police are hampered by the inability to pierce any communication between criminal co-conspirators.”

Partnering-sponsor Feinstein alleged that “there is no legitimate need for anyone to insist upon privacy from government oversight. People not engaged in criminal activity have nothing to fear from government listening in on their conversations or reading their communications. Ours is a government of, by, and for the people. It is inconceivable that any honest person would object to sharing whatever they have to say with the government. Enemies of law, enemies of order, enemies of our democratically elected government must not be permitted to hide behind the Fourth Amendment as they work against our interests.”

Germany Outlaws Sausages and Sexy Females in Ads

In a move authorities hope will reduce the frequency of sexual assault by Muslim immigrants, the portrayal of sausages and “scantily clad” women (i.e., those without headscarves) in advertisements will be banned.

German Justice Minister Heiko Maas said “the action is a common sense measure designed to protect our citizens from rape and molestation by those from a different culture. In interrogation after interrogation, offenders from Asia and Africa have professed themselves to be irresistibly driven to attack women shortly after viewing ads in which ‘uncovered women’ or ‘uncovered sausages’ have been shown. Rather than futilely expecting immigrants to adapt to our norms, we deem it prudent to ban the instigating images.”

Chancellor Angela Merkel characterized the measure as “a comprise between a rigid devotion to an oppressive policy of imposing German values on our foreign residents and a total implementation of sharia law. The surest way for women to avoid sexual assault is to not go out in public alone or inadequately garbed. Compared to this severe tactic, eliminating the visual stimulation of sausages and bare-faced females from our advertising spaces is relatively liberal and minimally constraining.”

Merkel categorically rejected arguments that “Germany shouldn’t have to bow to alien perceptions. How can we teach liberal values if we don’t show tolerance for the values of our foreign-born inhabitants? If we remove some of the provocations maybe the rapes will ease up. As the more civilized society isn’t it our duty to offer the first concession? Perhaps our generosity will inspire an in-kind response.”

In related news, 26-year-old Syrian refugee Iman Ashat set fire to a Sponsheim district hotel because “these German kafirs are disrespecting my superior status by providing substandard accommodations. Allah has said in the Quran that unbelievers must serve the umma.” Ashat has been living in the hotel at government expense since he arrived. “It’s deficiency,” according to him, “is that it’s just a single room. Others at this hotel have suites and they’re not even Muslim. This injustice is intolerable.”

Study Shows Government Less Cyber Secure

A study released by Security Scorecard found that all levels of government had a worse record of cyber security than major business firms. In measures of vulnerability to malware and security breaches, federal, state, and local governments ranked at the bottom. Education, telecommunications and pharmaceutical industries were almost as bad. Information services, construction, food and technology were the best.

Of the 600 government entities tracked, NASA performed the worst. Other low-performing government organizations included the U.S. Department of State. This latter revelation was jumped on by the Hillary Clinton for President campaign as “a total vindication of Secretary Clinton’s decision to flout State Department rules and conduct her business on a private computer system housed in a bathroom closet in Colorado.”

Rather than being hounded for going outside of the federal government’s procedures, Secretary Clinton should be hailed for heroically taking extralegal action to divert her communications to what research now shows was likely a more secure option,” said campaign manager Robbie Mook. “The question is, do voters want a president who will slavishly follow the law? Or do they want someone who is willing to go above and beyond the law when circumstances warrant it?”

President Obama expressed his “hope that this latest revelation will put an end to the pointless probe of Secretary Clinton’s email activities. As reckless as her behavior may seem on a proforma basis, the odds are that her communications would have been even less secure on a so-called ‘secure’ government computer system. She shouldn’t be punished for presciently opting out of an inferior system. I agree with Mr. Mook, genius must not be confined within the legal parameters designed for ordinary people. If the GOP and the FBI will not drop their persecution for this very good reason I will give them another: I will fully and unconditionally pardon Secretary Clinton for any and all crimes she may have committed while serving her country.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

Our First Arizona Congressional Endorsement Goes to …

There’s a crowd running for the Congressional seat of the retiring U.S. Representative Matt Salmon. A large crowd.

Among those listed on the Politics1 website are:

Andy Biggs (R) – State Senate President, Ex-State Rep. & Attorney
Alex Finter (R) – Mesa City Councilman, Ex-Mesa Mayor, Businessman & Retired Firefighter

Christine Jones (R) – Attorney, Ex-Internet Executive & ’14 Gov. Candidate
Bryan Martyn (R) – Ex-State Parks Dir., Ex-Pinal County Supervisor & Iraq/Afghan War Veteran
Justin Olsen (R) – State Rep., Tax Analyst & Ex-Congressional Aide

Russell Pearce (R) – Ex-State Senate President, Ex-State Rep., Retired Police Officer & National Guard Veteran
Bob Robson (R) – State Rep., Ex-Chandler City Councilman & Insurance Agent
Scott Smith (R) – Ex-Mesa Mayor, Businessman & ’14 Gov. Candidate

Don Stapley (R) – Ex-Maricopa County Supervisor & Marketing Consultant

Jay Tibshraeny (R) – Chandler Mayor, Ex-State Sen. & Ex-Chandler City Councilman
Kelly Townsend (R) – State Rep., Businesswoman & Navy Veteran
Stephen Viramontes (R) – Businessman
Bob Worsley (R) – State Sen. & Ex-SkyMall CEO

At this early point, we must endorse State Senate President. He’s a fine man and will represent everyone in the district well. There are other deserving candidates, but we can only endorse one.