Broward County Official Defends Violating Law

In the wake of closely contested races for Senator and Governor, Broward County Elections Supervisor Brenda Snipes sought to defend violating state election laws. Under state law each county is required to report the number of ballots to be counted in a timely fashion. Broward was one of the two out of 67 counties not to do so.

Snipes contended that her lack of compliance with the law “was guided by a higher loyalty. It seems like every election new boxes of ballots keep being found in the darndest places. In order to ensure that these voters are not disenfranchised it’s necessary to keep the process open.”

The whole notion of boxes of ballots going unaccounted for days after the polls close reeks of incredible incompetence or convenient corruption. Snipes brushed aside concerns that these “found” boxes might not contain valid votes, saying that “while we cannot say for sure how the boxes were misplaced, once we have looked inside it is clear that the ballots have in fact been filled out by someone. I suppose there is a possibility the votes could’ve been fraudulently prepared, but there is also the possibility they were not. Given these 50/50 odds, I prefer to include them in the total count.”

Gov. Rick Scott blasted Snipes’ attitude, declaring that “the whole point of the state election laws requirement of a timely reporting of results is precisely to prevent the ‘finding of boxes of ballots of unknown origin’ from being injected into the stream of ballots that have gone through the legal verification process. Snipes is trying justify what amounts to stealing the election.”

Florida Judge Carol-Lisa Phillips has ruled that Broward County’s Supervisor of Elections Brenda Snipes violated the state constitution by not following the open records laws and ordered her to comply by revealing how many electors voted, how many ballots have been canvassed, and how many ballots remain to be canvassed by 7 p.m. Friday, Nov 9th. It wasn’t clear that Snipes would obey this court order when she said “even if we did reveal some of this information it doesn’t mean that our search for other wayward boxes of ballots won’t go on.”

The arrogance of Snipes may stem, in part, from a 1982 agreement by the Republican National Committee to not raise the issue of fraud in any election where minorities represent a substantial portion of the electorate. While this agreement is little known outside the inner circles of the two major Parties it has probably given rise to brazen behavior by Democrat Party officials since then. However, the agreement expired in December of 2017 and may lead to a more aggressive effort combat fraud of the type Snipes has become accustomed to perpetrating.

In L.A. Vet Blocked from Voting

On election day a poll monitor in a Los Angeles precinct blocked army veteran John Reader from voting because of “the symbol of hatred” on his shirt. The symbol: a US flag.

“I thought displaying the flag was a general expression of patriotism, you know for our country,” Reader said. “How’s that a hate symbol?”

The poll monitor who would only give his first name (Bill) asserted that “someone so ignorant as to not know that the American flag is a symbol imperialism, oppression, and hatred shouldn’t be voting in our elections. Generous person that I am, though, I offered to let him vote if he turned his shirt inside out, but he refused.”

Reader was eventually allowed to vote after a 90 minute delay when the county registrar intervened. Bill will be required to undergo retraining before he is allowed to work in future elections.

Vox Justifies Leftists Terrorizing Opponents

This week a loud and angry mob of Antifa activists surrounded the home of Fox News personality Tucker Carlson engaged in lengthy chanting of leftist slogans and ended up breaking the home’s front door. Tucker’s terrified wife barricaded herself inside and called the police.

While most media commentators on both sides of the left-right spectrum denounced this tactic, Vox Senior Correspondent and co-founder Matthew Yglesias hailed it, saying “I think the idea behind terrorizing his family is to make them feel some of the fear that the victims of MAGA-inspired violence feel thanks to the non-stop racial incitement coming from Tucker, Trump, etc.”

The fact that MAGA-inspired violence seems basically nonexistent and the total lack of any evidence that Tucker, Trump, or any major right-wing spokesperson has ever sicced a mob on anyone didn’t faze Yglesias. “Sure they may not have consciously spewed racism, but those of us who know how to read between the lines can see it,” he insisted. “The fact that Carlson disagrees with a minority guest on his show is enough proof for me that he is a racist and liable for whatever form of revenge selected by those he has offended. You know terror is an important political weapon as was shown to the world by Lenin when he used it to enable a tiny cadre of Bolsheviks to take over a whole nation.”

Contrasting Abortion Decisions in Two States

In this election abortion ballot measures appeared in two states. In West Virginia, voters approved a constitutional amendment with the following wording: “Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of abortion.”

In Oregon, voters defeated a measure that banned taxpayers funding of elective abortions. Oregon is one of 17 states that forces taxpayers to fund elective abortions. Because the state has no abortion restrictions, tax dollars pay for unborn babies to be aborted for any reason up to the moment before birth. In 2017, Gov. Kate Brown (D) signed a bill expanding taxpayer-funded abortions to illegal immigrants and government employees.

Meanwhile, Women’s March denounced white women for failure to deliver the blue wave that would have allowed Democrats to take both Houses of Congress. “Their aversion to supporting abortion rights is shameful,” declared pro-abortion feminist writer Jill Filipovic. “The termination ratios for minority women dwarf those of white women. It is racist and unfair for them to have to bear such a disproportionate share of the task of culling the human herd.”

However, African pro-life leader Obianuju Ekeocha rebuked the Woman’s March: “They shame white women for their politics and dare to tell them how to vote. Women’s March is a rabidly racist and oppressive organization. I thought those were abolished by the end of segregation. I guess I was wrong.”

DC to Crack Down on “Play Dates”

The practice of parents with similarly aged children meeting up for play dates is in the cross hairs of the DC bureaucracy. State Superintendent of Education Hanseul Kang has charged that these informal arrangements “are an illegal intrusion on turf reserved for my department. There are public institutions targeting young children and their development. Every hour wasted at some play group run by unqualified parents is an hour that could have been spent in a program run by professionals. It doesn’t matter that the play dates are voluntary or that participation seemingly hurts no one. We will levy fines or whatever other deterrents are necessary to exterminate this deviationist approach to child development.”

New Congresswoman Can’t Afford Apartment

Newly elected Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) faulted the US electoral system for her inability to afford an apartment in Washington, DC. “I’m elected today, but now I’m told my salary doesn’t start until January 3,” she lamented. “What kind of twisted system doesn’t ensure its rulers have the accommodations to which their rank should entitle them? The government can print as much money as it wants, so just pay for it.”

The sheer lack of resourcefulness of this woman ought to be giving those who voted for her some second thoughts. Her salary of over $170,000 per year starting in January of 2019 gives her the ability to acquire a loan. Most self-supporting adults would be familiar with how to obtain such a loan or at least have the sense to walk into a bank, explain their need and show proof of an income adequate to repay the loan.

Video Proves Acosta Lied

This week, CNN’s Jim Acosta lost his White House press pass. The events leading up to this began with his abuse of the press conference’s opportunity to question President Trump live in front of multimedia. Given an opportunity to ask a question Acosta launched into a lecture about how the caravan from Guatemala was not an invasion. Trump attempted to agree to disagree, but Acosta persisted in berating him. Having gone way past a reasonable time with the microphone, Trump asked Acosta to let another member of the media have a turn. Acosta continued to rant and an intern attempted to pass the microphone to someone else.

Afterwards, Acosta maintained that he never touched the young woman. However, a video of the event clearly shows Acosta pushing the intern away. CNN then claimed that “the video must have been doctored because Jim doesn’t lie.”

An incredulous Trump exclaimed “give me a break. CNN is a perpetual fountain of lies when it comes to the news. The demand that their articulated lies ought to refute video evidence to the contrary is absurd.” Technical experts who examined the video concluded that the video didn’t appear to have been altered: “Slowing down the action and zooming in for a close-up is not an alteration. This video technique is often done by CNN itself. To claim in this case that is is an alteration is profoundly dishonest.”

Election official in Arizona’s Senate dispute represented figure in ‘Fast and Furious’ arms scandal

Note: Having a Democrat controlling elections is like letting a fox in the hen house:

By Lukas Mikelionis | Fox News

A county official in Arizona, whom Republicans accuse of destroying evidence to cover up “voting irregularities,” has previously defended the accused ringleader of a group of gun straw buyers in Operation Fast and Furious, the federal operation that led to the death of a Border Patrol agent in the state.

Before he was elected in 2016 as Maricopa County recorder, Adrian Fontes was an attorney representing clients in narco-terrorism and firearms scandals.

He is now at the center of a contentious vote-count procedure in Arizona’s U.S. Senate race, where Democrat Kyrsten Sinema suddenly took a lead over Republican Martha McSally, thanks to votes mostly in Maricopa County.

The Republican Party objected to Fontes’ efforts to allow voters to confirm that they signed early ballots that were dropped off on Election Day, and criticized the official for opening emergency voting centers the weekend before Tuesday’s election and for mixing disputed ballots with valid ones.

The accusations of improper procedures led to a deal between Republicans and Democrats being struck in court on Friday, giving all counties in Arizona until this coming Wednesday to address problems with ballots.

“Adrian Fontes intentionally put himself above the law and the judicial process,” Arizona Republican Party Chairman Jonathan Lines said in a statement before the agreement. “Such a man cannot be trusted to administer elections in Arizona. We are reviewing all legal options at this time and will continue to protect the rights of every legal voter in Arizona.”

“Such a man cannot be trusted to administer elections in Arizona. We are reviewing all legal options at this time and will continue to protect the rights of every legal voter in Arizona.”
— Arizona Republican Party Chairman Jonathan Lines

Fontes, a Democrat, represented Manuel Celis-Acosta in 2011 following his arrest in Operation Fast and Furious, in which some federal officers aimed to sell firearms to Mexican drug cartels so the U.S. government could then track the weapons.

The accused man allegedly transferred around 2,000 weapons to the Sinaloa Cartel, including those that were allegedly used to kill Border Patrol agent Brian Terry.

But Fontes dismissed the role of the ringleader, saying the gun straw buyers — those who purchase weapons for those who cannot — were just “a bunch of kids” and not a “nefarious organization.”
“A straw buyer is usually a kid who is 18-25, who needs a couple hundred extra bucks and knows somebody who knows somebody that has a way to make a couple extra bucks,” Adrian Fontes told Fox News in 2012.

“The government wants a dramatic indictment, they want the conspiracy to sound like it’s run out by highly sophisticated individuals who are involved with a particularly nefarious organization when the reality is it’s just a bunch of kids,” he added.

The main suspect in Operation Fast and Furious was arrested twice before, a report shows
In 2011, the attorney also represented Emilia Palomina-Robles, a woman who was part of the three-person group charged with an attempt to purchase a Stinger missile and other military weapons for a Mexican drug cartel.

Fontes accused the government at the time of “trying to see if they could make the charges stick” after the government kept the court filings sealed. “The government will have a tough time proving all the allegations,” he said.

The woman was later sentenced to 10 years in prison for her role in the scheme to acquire the military-grade weapons on behalf of a drug cartel.

GOP State Chairman Comment on Court Settlement

Arizona GOP Chairman Jonathan Lines issued this statement Saturday on the controversy surrounding the U.S. Senate election:

“From the beginning, we have always had one goal: fair treatment of all voters, regardless of which county they live in.

“Today’s settlement ensures that voters in all of Arizona’s 15 counties, particularly those 11 rural counties that had not been planning to continue with ballot rehabilitation, will have their voices heard.

“I am still very disappointed in the conduct of County Recorder Adrian Fontes. His lack of respect for the rule of law and his willful destruction of evidence should not be forgotten. There must be a full accounting of his actions. We will not forget, nor allow this settlement to sweep his possible misconduct under the rug.”

Senate candidate Martha McSally on Saturday night issued this statement:

“Equal protection under the law is a fundamental constitutional right for American voters. As a combat veteran, I fought to protect it. And today, we won an important battle to preserve that right for rural voters in Arizona. I will continue fighting until every ballot is counted.”

Democrats Benefit from Prolonged Vote Counting

Amid concerns of improper handling of ballots in multiple Arizona counties, radical Democrat Kyrsten Sinema stretched her lead today to some 21,000 votes over conservative candidate Martha McSally.

As of 5 p.m. today (Nov. 9th), Sinema’s vote tally is 991,189. McSally sits at 970,986. Surprisingly, Sinema is also stretching her lead in Maricopa County, usually a grave-yard for the Left. Maricopa County is going for Sinema by 595,444 to 556,076. Outside of Maricopa County, McSally leads 414,910 to 395,745. For many elections in past years, Democrats would have won elections had the GOP candidates not been saved by Maricopa County. What we’re seeing here is totally unexpected.

McSally led by 17,000 votes Wednesday. By Thursday, Sinema went ahead by 9,000 votes. There are still hundreds of thousands of ballots waiting to be processed.

As President Trump noted today, it seems that every time vote counting gets stretched out, as well as in recounts, the Democrats always seem to benefit.

The yo-yo that is the secretary of state’s precinct reporting totals is once again at 100 percent. That figure has fluctuated wildly throughout the week, leaving people to wonder what the real figure is.

Democrats are seeking to regain control of public education in Arizona as well, and in the state superintendent of public instruction race, their candidate Kathy Hobbs now leads the GOP’s Frank Riggs by some 31,000 votes.

After today’s vote counting, Democrat Sandra Kennedy has moved into second place among three candidates for the Arizona Corporation Commission. The top two of the three candidates will gain election. Republican Justin Olson continues to lead with 901,431 votes. Kennedy, who had been in third place until today, now has 899,610 votes, and Republican Rodney Glassman dropped from second to third with 897,938 votes.

Every day since Election Day Tuesday, Democrats in Arizona have had the bigger day. Each day now looks like a Pima County day. Democrats heavily control the state’s second-largest county.

AZ GOP Chairman Lines to Fontes: Destruction of Evidence Must Stop

The Arizona Republican Party objects in the strongest possible terms to the deliberate, premeditated destruction of evidence by Maricopa County Recorder Adrian Fontes.

After voting irregularities were discovered during the early voting period, the Arizona Republican Party sent a formal, written request to all county recorders in Arizona, including Fontes, to preserve all evidence of such irregularities. These irregularities include the creation of so-called “emergency voting centers” when no emergency existed; and an inconsistent method for rehabilitating early ballots.

Specifically, the Arizona Republican Party notified Fontes of these irregularities, that there may be a legal challenge based on these irregularities and inconsistencies, and that the law, therefore, required the county recorders to set aside the disputed ballots to allow the legal process to play out in due course.

Instead, Fontes intentionally destroyed the evidence. He directed his office to mix the disputed ballots in with the undisputed ballots—thereby ensuring that there could be no review of voting irregularities. Fontes’s decision was made deliberately, after receiving the letter from the Arizona Republican Party and being informed of his legal duty to preserve evidence.

Chairman Jonathan Lines issued the following statement: “Adrian Fontes intentionally put himself above the law and the judicial process. Such a man cannot be trusted to administer elections in Arizona. We are reviewing all legal options at this time and will continue to protect the rights of every legal voter in Arizona.”

MEDIA ADVISORY: AZ GOP Press Conference Regarding Ongoing Litigation

PHOENIX — Arizona Republican Party Chairman Jonathan Lines and Arizona Republican Party attorney Kory Langhofer today will speak to the press regarding today’s hearing.

WHO: AZ GOP Chairman Jonathan Lines and Attorney Kory Langhofer

WHAT: Press conference regarding today’s hearing

WHERE: Superior Court of Arizona in Maricopa County; 101 W Jefferson St, Phoenix, AZ 85003

WHEN: Today, Friday November 9, 2018 at 1:30pm

2018 Arizona General Election Coverage

New Results of the U.S. Senate Vote Count: So far today, McSally has gained about 3,000 votes, interestingly enough just one day after the Superior Court hearing. Does this mean some Democrat shenanigans have been brought to a halt?

Saturday, Nov. 10, 1:41, 6 p.m.

R-McSally 976,204

D-Sinema 994,934

G-Green 47,075


Just in is this statement from McSally Campaign CEO Jim Bognet on the current state of the Arizona senate race:

“With half a million ballots left to count we remain confident that as votes continue to come in from counties across the state, Martha McSally will be elected Arizona’s next Senator.”

From The Arizona Conservative:

Sinema owes her lead to over-performing in Maricopa County, which is where Republicans usually run up the score in statewide elections. Sinema has a shocking lead of 28,000 votes over McSally who is dominating the majority of the state’s rural counties. Voter turnout was 60 percent in Maricopa, up from 45 percent the previous election.

Sinema has 551,000 votes in Maricopa County. McSally has 523,000, and this could cost her the election, but we certainly hope not. The conservative cities surrounding Phoenix and Tempe should be making a big difference for the Republican, but we’re still waiting for that red wave to emerge from Mesa, Chandler and Gilbert.

In 2016, John McCain won Maricopa County with 55 percent of the vote to Ann Kirkpatrick’s 40 percent. McCain received more than 653,000 votes to Kirkpatrick’s 475,000. Does this mean that a lot of McCain voters went Democrat? No way to tell yet.

Arizona Legislature: Currently the GOP has a 17-13 in the Senate and a 31-29 lead in the House

A Message from Jonathan Lines, Chairman, Arizona Republican Party

Wow. What an incredible night. My friends, we made history last night.

First and foremost, we re-elected our great governor, Doug Ducey. You should know that Governor Ducey is more than just an incredible governor. Over the last month, he has worked incredibly hard on behalf of our ticket. This last weekend, the governor and I visited over a dozen Republican party headquarters, events and pancake breakfasts. He campaigns with the same singular focus that we see on the 9th floor every day.

We’re so fortunate to have him as our governor, and no one works harder to lift up our party than he does.

After the Governor’s victory was declared, the winning didn’t stop. Steve Gaynor will be our new Secretary of State. Mark Brnovich, our state’s top cop, will serve 4 more years as Attorney General. Kimberly Yee, who served so honorably as our Senate Majority Leader, will be a great State Treasurer. And while we don’t have an official call yet for Superintendent of Public Instruction, Corporation Commission or Mine Inspector, we believe that all are poised for victory.

But I want to give a special shout-out to my friend Martha McSally. Tens of millions of dollars landed in Arizona to tear her down and lie about her record. And while the race is too close to call…I am confident that when the dust settles, she will be the first female United States Senator from Arizona.

Congratulations, Martha. I’ll be honored to be your constituent.

We have had a historic cycle, and together, we defended the desert. Together, we made over 5 million phone calls, knocked on over a million doors and trained thousands of new activists and Republican volunteers. We made history last night…and we are going to make history again in 2020.

Thank you for the honor of serving as your chairman. I’ll go into battle with all of you, any time.


Chairman Lines

Editor’s Note: Chairman Lines and his team are doing the best job of communicating to the base and exposing the Left than any previous state GOP leadership group. Congratulations on a phenomenal job! Keep doing what you’re doing! Well-deserved kudos also go to Ayshia Connor and Torunn Sinclair (of the McSally campaign) as well!

Here are some excellent post-election articles well worth taking the time to read:

Rush Limbaugh:

Retiring RINOS Bought the Drive-By Media’s Blue Wave Scam

The American Spectator:

A Much, Much Better Night Than Had Been Forecast


***Percentage of Precincts Reporting: 99% according to AZ Secretary of State website***

U.S. House Races


R-Rogers 103,000

D-O’Halleran 117,000


R-Peterson 109,000

D-Kirkpatrick 125,000


R-Pierson 49,000

D-Grijalva 78,000


R-Gosar 159,000

D-Brill 69,000


R-Biggs 125,000

D-Green 83,000


R-Schweikert 122,000

D-Malik 95,000


D-Gallego 67,000

Green-Swing 12,000


R-Lesko 123,000

D-Tipirneni 94,000


R-Ferrara  68,000

D-Stanton 101,000

Governor’s Race

R-Ducey 1,070,162

D-Garcia 756,369

Attorney General

R-Brnovich 965,708

D-Contreras 858,094

Secretary of State

R-Gaynor 930,178

D-Hobbs 902,230

State Treasurer

R-Yee 999,684

D-Manoil 808,567

Superintendent of Public Instruction

R-Riggs 907,534

D-Hoffman 927,077

Arizona Corporation Commission

R-Glassman 844,446

R-Olson 847,485

D-Kennedy 830,665

State MIne Inspector

R-Hart 939,316

D-Pierce, 836,787

Ballot Measures

Prop 127



Prop 125



Prop 126


Prop 305


Prop 306





‘Experts’ Say GOP Ad Featuring Cop Killer Unfair

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent New

The unveiling of a new GOP TV ad featuring Luis Bracamontes, an illegal immigrant who was convicted of killing two California deputies in 2014, was declared “unfair” by what the media described as numerous “experts.”

Arizona State University professor Kim Fridkin called it a “scare tactic. Just because some immigrants are murderers doesn’t mean we shouldn’t let them in. After all, some native born Americans are murderers. Does this mean we should kick them out? I think we ought to pay heed to the wisdom of Forrest Gump. A caravan of immigrants is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re going to get.”

Mo Elleithee, executive director of Georgetown University’s Institute of Politics and Public Service, labeled the ad “racist. By showing a Latino in such a negative light the ad is unfairly pointing out something that was beyond his control. Mr. Bracamontes is not responsible for being born outside US borders. He is not responsible for the laws the deputies were trying to enforce when he killed them. He is being pilloried for openly expressing his ambition to kill more cops, while his honesty about his feelings is ignored. This is probably one of the lowest blows I’ve ever encountered in a political ad.”

Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Az) called the ad “sickening. Republicans everywhere should denounce it. Trying to blame the open borders policies that I, and many other Republicans, have supported for the crimes committed by the people these policies have let enter the country is no way to bring us together as a nation. The consensus that prevailed during the Obama years is being fractured by Trump’s pig-headed insistence on enforcing the laws currently on the books.”

ABC News political analyst Matt Dowd agreed with Flake, saying that “by callously trying to turn criminals and victims against one another, Trump has foolishly thrown away that hard-won consensus to ‘look the other way’ on the whole illegal immigration issue. It’s no wonder Democrats have been so uncivil in their words and deeds since this man took office.”

Democratic socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made a bid to contrast this negative Republican message with her own positive one in which she pledged “to smash the reactionary forces that seek to deny American citizens the full benefits of socialism. The white supremacists that want to deny people like Bracamontes the opportunity for a better life must not be allowed to prevail. We must unite all the other races against the whites, knock them out of power, and send them to the back of the line as President Obama urged us to do back in 2009.”

CNN’s Don Lemon argued that “the ad is fundamentally misleading because it is white men who pose the greatest danger to public safety. If Trump were really serious about crime he would be advocating for bans of white men from public spaces instead of scapegoating immigrants who are only committing crimes to support themselves and their families.”

Former Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev) insists that the ad “has everything backwards. It’s immigrants like Mr. Bracamontes that are the life’s blood of this country. They bring cultural enrichment and energy to this country—energy that we sorely need considering how vain and idle most of the individuals born in America are.”

O’Rourke Campaign Aides Discuss Illegal Aid to Caravan

In one of those Veritas undercover videos, Dominic Chacon, a field manager for the O’Rourke campaign in El Paso, Texas tells Anapaula Themann, a field organizer for the O’Rourke campaign, about his efforts to get supplies to the caravan from Honduras trying to make its way into the United States.

“These are all potential votes for Beto,” Chacon asserted. “We’ve got to do whatever we can to ensure that they get here by election day. They need food and water. Beto has the money to pay for these supplies. We would be letting him down if we don’t get these supplies to them.”

Themann cautioned Chacon, asking him to be more discreet, “we need a good cover story if we want to dodge FEC penalties for illegal campaign expenditures. Let’s say that we are buying supplies for our volunteers who are going door-to-door to get out the vote.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Chacon replied. “I think we can use the pre-paid cards we’ve got to mask what we’re doing. I’m sure that Jody (Jody Casey, campaign manager for O’Rourke) will be cool with it. She already gave us the ‘thumbs up’ for the aid we’ve been sending the last few weeks.”

Meanwhile, evidence that there is a considerable criminal contingent among the people in the caravan continues to mount. The Department of Homeland Security has already identified 270 caravan participants with criminal convictions for offenses including aggravated assault, armed robbery, and sexual assault on a child or adult female. One of the migrants interviewed on camera said he is coming to the United States in hope of obtaining a pardon on his conviction for attempted murder.

In related news, former CIA Director John Brennan heartily endorsed O’Rourke for Senator: “As a former resident of Texas I am proud to throw my weight behind his candidacy.” Acknowledging that he hasn’t been as vocal as he should be considering the high stakes, Brennan said “Beto is special, he brings out the same passion in me that Gus Hall did in the 1980 election. Both have expressed the same vision for this country.” Gus Hall was the presidential candidate of the US Communist Party in 1972, 1976, 1980 and 1984.

Dems Vow to Punish Opponents of their Warped Ideology

In what she hopes will be a clinching argument for voters to give Democrats the majority needed to control Congress, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Calif) vowed that “strengthening penalties against those who oppose the LGBT agenda will be a top priority.”

“Our society is stained by continued resistance to the rights of the LGBT community,” Pelosi complained. “We see religious adoption agencies insisting on placing children in homes with both a mother and a father. We see schools that bar boys who see themselves as girls from using the girls locker room. We see small businesses trying to get away with coverage that will pay for a double mastectomy in the case of cancer, but not when a woman wishes to transition to male. These egregious examples of oppression must stop. And I will be leading the fight to compel uniform obedience to the precepts of the LGBT movement.”

Meanwhile, fellow Californian harridan and projected Chairwoman of the House Financial Services Committee in a Democrat-controlled Congress, Rep. Maxine Waters promised “to use every power at my command to pillage the businesses that have been pillaging America. The last two years have demonstrated the evil intentions of the Republicans and their corporate henchmen. I’m telling these folks that payback is going to be a bitch.”

“Republicans would have you believe that the 50-year low in unemployment just reported for October is somehow great for America,” Waters chided. “It’s not. Pushing people into jobs they’d rather not have is slavery. Lives have been overturned as families that used to be able to stay home together and enjoy the good things of life are now splintered as one or more of their members has been dragooned into the workforce. For every regulation Trump repealed we will enact two more. Those tax cuts Trump got passed to cripple government spending will be replaced by 200% tax hikes to make up for the revenues lost. After the Blue Wave sweeps across the country on November 6 all of the bad stuff will be undone and the golden era of the Obama years will be restored.”

DC Takes Step Toward Allowing 16-Year-Olds to Vote

A bill to lower the voting age to 16 for all elections, both local and federal, was approved by the Judiciary and Public Safety committee of the DC City Council by a 3-0 vote. It is now slated for a full Council vote in the very near future.

Council member Charles Allen sought to rebuff critics who contend that people this young don’t have enough real life experience to be informed voters. “They may still live with their parents and haven’t had the burden of supporting themselves, but neither have the legions of welfare recipients who currently vote,” Allen pointed out. “Just because a person is not a contributing member of society doesn’t mean they have no interest in who runs the government. In fact, I’d say that it is precisely because such people are not self-supporting that they have a very strong interest in electing a government that can do the dirty work of extracting resources from those who have in order to redistribute these funds to those who have-not.”

Google Rejects Blackburn Ad

The communications giant rejected a political ad from Tennessee Republican senate candidate Marsha Blackburn because “it shows Democrats in a bad light.” The ad shows Democrat mobs engaged in several incidents of violence and threats of violence. Google did not dispute the truth of the content.

Google CEO Pichai Sundararajan explained that “truth is not a defense against bad manners. Pointing out some else’s faults is not the way to start a beneficial dialog. The criticized party is not usually motivated by criticism to modify his behavior in the direction desired. Rather than allow Ms. Blackburn to waste her money on such a futile objective we are doing what we think will help her in the long run. It is our hope that she will ,learn from this experience and take a more agreeable stance toward those who disagree with her.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

A Few ‘Not Crazy Democrats’ Appeal to Voters

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

With polls showing a close race with her Republican challenger Josh Hawley, Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo) launched a campaign ad aimed at persuading voters that she is “not one of those crazy Democrats. If you look carefully at my record you’ll see that I am a sane Democrat. I haven’t claimed I’m an Indian. I haven’t urged mobs to harass Republicans in public places. And I definitely am not Spartacus.”

“Sure, there’s been a little bit of self-dealing on behalf of my husband, some tax evasion and eviction of a few disabled vets from one of our properties,” the Senator admitted. “But these are the normal, time-tested abuses of office that any long-sitting officeholder might engage in. Most voters have overlooked these peccadilloes as an insufficient reason to oust senators and lose the advantage of the seniority that can help bring more federal aid back to the state.”

A similar pitch was made by Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ) in his efforts to fend off a surprisingly competitive Republican adversary Bob Hugin in the deep blue state. New Jersey hasn’t elected a Republican senator since 1972. Nevertheless, the contest between Menendez and Hugin is now rated a tossup.

“I’m a normal Democrat in a long line of Democrats that have represented the state in the US Senate,” Menendez asserts. “First, I have never been convicted of bribery or improper influence peddling. Second, prostitution is legal in the Dominican Republic. Many others, including a former president did the same things my opponent is now trying to single me out for doing. Nothing I did there can fairly be held against me. This is what I want voters to know before they rashly gamble on the inexperienced novice running against me.”

Meanwhile, in the Florida gubernatorial contest, the Democratic candidate, Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum characterized questions about some of the illicit perks he enjoyed as mayor as “racist. They wouldn’t be asking me these questions if I were white. I’m sure that my white predecessors got as much or more than I did, lied about it, and got away with it. The implication that I am somehow uniquely culpable when they were not is a rebirth of the slavery the white man has imposed on black folks for centuries.”

Waters Says Trump Responsible for Political Violence

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) demanded that President Trump admit responsibility for the political violence and incivility that has plagued the country since his election.

“We didn’t see people rioting in the streets when Obama was president,” Waters recalled. “And we wouldn’t be seeing it now if Hillary Clinton had been elected as she should’ve been. With Republicans in charge at the White House, the Senate and the House, Democrats were pushed into violence as a last resort.”

The Congresswoman insisted that “this is not aimless violence just for violence’s sake. Our targets aren’t random. We are going after Republicans wherever they may appear in public to let them know that we do not accept them as our governors. We are going after the deplorables who support Trump. We are going after white people who have enslaved and abused minorities since the founding of this country.”

“Trump could put an end to the violence if he would take responsibility, resign, and hand the office over to Sec. Clinton,” Waters suggested. “Given the choice of continued violent opposition vs. the return to civility that she has promised once Democrats are back in charge, that is the only right thing for Trump to do. Every day he insists on staying in office endangers more lives and puts America under more stress. His refusal to do what the resistance demands is unpatriotic.”

A contrary perspective was offered by President Trump who contends that “a big part of what is driving the anger that is degrading civility and provoking violence stems from purposely false and misleading so-called news put out by the mainstream media.”

In related news, the New York Times published a fictional story in which a Secret Service agent assigned to protect President Trump assists a Russian spy to assassinate him. The story was one of a batch of entries the paper solicited from “today’s most talented spy and crime novelists” who were asked to speculate on how Trump’s presidency might end. Times Book Review editor Pamela Paul called the story “the kind of ending most of our readers have been fantasizing about since the night Trump was declared the winner of the 2016 election. We just had to publish it as a reward for our loyal subscribers.”

Bipartisan Support for Open Borders

Two potential 2020 presidential contenders placed their bets on open borders as a winning issue in their expected bids for the office. California Sen. Kamala Harris (D) and Ohio Governor John Kasich (R) both made strong statements in support of the caravan from Guatemala that aims to crash its way into the US by election day 2018.

“America is a welcoming place,” Harris said. “We are, after all, a nation built on immigration. The people in this caravan are just like the people in America. We all want a government that puts food on the table and pays our bills. This is the immigrants’ right as human beings. We have no legitimate or moral authority to exclude them from the bounty the Earth has bestowed on the land we live in. We need to let them in and get them registered to vote so they can democratically protect their human rights.”

Kasich alleges that “God wants us to welcome the caravan. Many of these people have been coerced by criminals to come to America. Thugs threaten them saying ‘if you don’t do what we want, we will rape your daughter or kill your son if he’s not a drug mule.’ Now, they’re all marching north—victims and criminals alike—and it could easily have been all of us. That’s why we have to let them all in.”

Of course, President Trump has been repeatedly excoriated by Democrats and the media for complaining that our open borders allow criminals into the country. While most of the immigrants in the caravan are not criminals, criminals are among them. One migrant in the caravan told Fox News that “criminals are everywhere.” Guatemalan police have rescued some children from human traffickers traveling with the caravan. And some of the migrants stormed in and looted a public market in Chiapas, Mexico.

CNN Says Trump a “White Nationalist”

President Trump’s assertion that he is a “nationalist” inspired CNN reporter Jim Acosta to characterize him as a “white nationalist.” Trump’s remarks were in the context of trying to differentiate his views from those of a globalist, who he argued “is a person that wants the globe to do well, frankly, not caring about our country so much. I’m a nationalist. I want what’s good for America.”

In what Acosta hoped would be a “gotcha moment” at a White House meeting for the press, he pointed out to the President that “saying you’re a nationalist combined with the fact that you’re white makes you a ‘white nationalist.’ Isn’t publicly saying you’re a nationalist another one of your ‘dog whistle’ coded messages to your fascist supporters?”

“You guys at CNN can’t even make up your minds about me,” Trump replied. “Considering all your complaints about me being too blunt and outspoken. Look, I don’t do coded messages. If I want to say something I say it. If I don’t say something it doesn’t mean I secretly said it in code. Why can’t you just report the news without making up all the fake stuff? Jim, just because you have an idea doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. The fact that CNN’s ratings have gone down the drain ought to have clued you in that the bogus crap you are pushing isn’t being swallowed.”

Cash Giveaways to Fight Poverty

Declaring that “it is unfair that whites have more money than minorities,” Sen. Cory (Spartacus) Booker (D-NJ) has concocted a plan to hand wads of cash to “deserving black kids.” Dubbing these giveaways “opportunity accounts,” Booker boasted that “there’s no telling what these young people are capable of doing if only they had the money to do it.”

Under Booker’s scheme minority youths would be eligible for “no strings grants of up to $50,000 they could use for wealth-building purposes. Most of the investment opportunities in the ghetto require cash. We’ll be giving these youngsters cash they could use to buy valuable merchandise for resale in smaller lots, or tools to obtain money from strangers, or to go to college to major in black or LGBTQ studies. The possibilities are virtually limitless.”

The Senator contrasted his plan with “the sterile programs of yesteryear. Unlike the burdensome obligation to pay back money from student or small business loans, these grants are theirs to keep and use as they please. And since many of the business options available will operate in the informal economy where there are no taxes or legal impediments every dollar can be reinvested in their businesses.”

Leftists Express their Ideas on Religious Tolerance

In a speech at a Democratic National Convention event in Philadelphia sponsored by the Boycott, Divest and Sanctions (BDS) movement, the House Armed Services Committee member Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga) compared Jewish residents of Judea and Samaria to “termites.”

In New York City, posters calling Christian supporters of President Trump “trash” began appearing attached to city litter baskets. Vito Turo, a spokesman for the city’s Department of Sanitation, hastened to reassure city residents that “we do not condone the unlawful defacement of City litter baskets and have asked the artist who designed these posters to submit them for review and approval before posting any more of them. It is the City’s prerogative to judge the aesthetic merits of any artistic creation that appears in any public place.”

The European Court of Human Rights has ruled that characterizing the Muslim Prophet Muhammed’s marriage to a six-year-old as pedophilia is not protected freedom of speech “because it conflicts with the right of others to have their religious feelings protected. Seeing how passionate Muslims can be when their beliefs are rejected by others, pubic safety requires us to suppress these inflammatory words.”

In Michigan, former Planned Parenthood CEO Cecile Richards told the National Council of Jewish Women’s annual Women of Vision conference that “one of the sweetest moments of my life was working with President Obama to force Christians to fund abortions under the Affordable Care Act. Sticking it to those insufferable Little Sisters of the Poor nuns who wanted to evade their obligation to the state by claiming a phony religious prohibition against taking an innocent life was the high point of my career. Sadly, the Supreme Court undid the progress we’d made by siding with these fanatics. But I have confidence that the next time Democrats control the White House and Congress we will pack the Court with enough correct thinking justices to reverse the recent Court’s error.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Hillary Mulling Another Run for Office

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Former Clinton aide Philippe Reines says the twice unsuccessful presidential candidate is “seriously considering running against Trump in 2020. On the one hand, she’s really disappointed in how voters treated her in 2016. They had their chance to elect the smartest woman in America to be their president, but they blew it. On the other hand, her great love for the country may drive her to once again sacrifice her own personal comfort in one more battle to save the nation from the ravages of the Trump Administration and the Republican Party.”

“She concerned about the Trump agenda of fostering rapid economic growth and opening up more job opportunities—a record 7.14 million at last count—this is more than there are applicants available to fill them,” Reines observed. “This is a cleverly designed scheme to destroy a major Democratic constituency by driving them into the workforce against their will. The prospect of exterminating a way of life that has sustained generations of Democratic voters has led to increasingly violent objections. Rather than see the nation continue to be torn apart by this violence, Hillary feels it may be her patriotic duty to give voters another chance to correct their previous mistakes of not electing her when they had the opportunity in 2008 and 2016.”

“Look at the whole issue of recent mob violence,” Reines suggested. “We didn’t see this kind of thing when Obama was president. Sure, there were some TEA Party protests, but they were ineffectually peaceful. Putting Democrats back in power could reestablish that more pacific relationship between those in and out of power. I think what Hillary is trying to communicate to voters is that we all can have more peace and civility under Democratic rule where the opponents of government policy restrict themselves to legal methods of trying to sway policymakers. Many of the more intellectually aware Republicans recognize this and would willingly trade the chaos spawned by opposition to Trump’s policies for a return to the old ways of across-the-aisle cooperation exemplified by the late Sen. McCain.”

Reines pointed out that “a comeback isn’t as ridiculous as many assume. Hillary is younger than Trump and Joe Biden—two of her likely opponents in 2020—and would have the edge in appealing to younger voters who might like to support someone closer to their own age. I think her message that the nation won’t have civility until Democrats are back in charge in Washington is perfectly in tune with the current mood of the people. Other Democrats like Rep Waters and former Attorney General Holder have grasped the essence of this message, but neither has the eloquence or gravitas that Hillary brings to the table.”

Clinton’s call for Democrats to be uncivil received words of support from her former running mate Sen. Tim Kaine (Virginia) who called for Democrats “to fight in the streets. When we are in the minority in Congress and a Republican is president there are no constitutional means for advancing our cause other than the First Amendment right to assemble and make our grievances known by, as Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer urged, ‘any means necessary.’”

In a related statement about Democratic Party values, the Allegheny County Democrat Party in Pennsylvania fired recently hired Executive Director Mark Salvas for “making statements that don’t reflect the Party’s values or the message it is trying to convey to voters.” Salvas’ offensive statement: “I stand for the flag, I kneel for the cross.”

Breaks Start to Go Beto’s Way in Texas Senate Race

This week Democratic candidate for the Texas US Senate Beto O’Rourke got a major boost when former Mexican President Vicente Fox endorsed him over his GOP rival Sen. Ted Cruz. Fox pleaded with Texas voters to back O’Rourke, saying “it’s the only way to ensure that the f*cking wall is never built. The path must remain open for Mexicans to enter Texas and reverse the land-grab perpetrated in 1836.”

Meanwhile, the Hollywood glitterati is all atwitter over the aspiring would-be senator. Danny Deraney, a Hollywood publicist, said “I haven’t seen such excitement about a candidate since Obama was running. Despite the fact that he is white, Beto has the same kind of boyish Irish charm that the Kennedys had. LeBron James, Ellen DeGeneres, Tony Dungy and Stephen King are just a few of megastars that have endorsed him. Steve Kerr, the coach of the NBA’s Golden State Warriors has gone even further and suggested a Beto O’Rourke-Gregg Popovich (coach of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs) Democratic ticket for the 2020 presidential election. If Beto was running in California he’d be a shoo-in. It may be tougher in Texas, but the voters there would be fools to not want this cutie pie as their senator.”

O’Rourke was also buoyed by polls showing him way ahead with millennial voters. An informal canvas of O’Rourke supporters at Texas A&M found no one who could name any accomplishment or substantive basis for electing him. One respondent insisted this, by itself, was the best reason for sending him to the senate, insisting that “the lack of accomplishments leaves more room for an upside. He’s like a ‘blank slate’ who can be whoever we want him to be.”

In a bid to solidify the millennial vote, O’Rourke argued that “sending me to the Senate would make impeaching Trump more efficient. I will still be in the House of Representatives from November to early January where I could vote on Articles of Impeachment. After that I would be in the Senate where I could vote to convict. This gives Texas voters two shots at ousting the usurper for the price of one vote. No other candidate offers a comparable payoff to his voters.”

A potential “ace-in-the-hole” for the O’Rourke campaign may be the voter registration cards the Democratic Party has been sending to illegal immigrants with a pre-printed “yes” in the citizenship box and a return postage-paid envelope addressed to state election officials. On top of this, his campaign has raised $60 million—three times the size of previous winning campaign war chests.

Senator Touts DNA Proof of Cherokee Heritage

This week, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) made a big show of unveiling results of a DNA test she asserted “proves my Cherokee heritage” and demanded “an apology and a million dollars” from President Trump, who had previously offered the sum for proof of the Senator’s Indian heritage.

Observers from various segments of the political spectrum were not as impressed as Warren had anticipated. The test was conducted by a personal friend, not an independent lab. No Cherokee DNA was involved in the test, samples from Mexico and Peru were used instead. The results indicated that the range of possible relationship between Warren and Mexicans and/or Peruvians was between 1.5% on the high side to 0.1% (one-tenth of a percent) on the low side. Inasmuch as the average American of European descent has about 0.2% DNA traced to pre-Columbus inhabitants of the Americas, Warren’s claim to be a Cherokee is not well-supported by the evidence.

Cherokee Nation Secretary of State Chuck Hoskin Jr. called Warren’s test “useless as a method of proving cultural affiliation with the Cherokees or any other tribe in North or South America. Senator Warren has not lived as a Cherokee for any part of her life. Instead, she has used a bogus claim of affinity to dishonestly advance her academic and political careers. This disrespects genuine members of our tribe.”

MSNBC Political Analyst Zerlina Maxwell characterized the Cherokee response as “racist. The idea that you have to be a Cherokee in order to claim to be a Cherokee is closed-minded. It’s the same kind of thinking that says if you’re born male you can’t legitimately claim to be female or vice versa. That’s just wrong. Every person must be free to declare themselves to be whoever they want to be. Everyone else should be required to take that person’s word for it. That Sen. Warren was hounded into a desperate attempt to corroborate her claim is a massive step backward from the new way of thinking that President Obama tried to impose on the country.”

US CO2 Emissions Plummet

U.S. greenhouse gas emissions fell 2.7% during the first year of the Trump Administration. At the same time, global greenhouse emissions rose. In the European Union these emissions rose by 1.5%. In France they rose by 2%. Emissions in China and India are also believed to have risen by even larger amounts, but these countries are exempt under the Paris Accord and do not have to keep statistics on air quality.

Rather than appreciating America’s progress, environmental interest groups have been critical. Sierra Club executive director Michael Brune refused to credit the Trump Administration for any of the US emission reductions “because not only has Mr. Trump pulled the US out of the Paris Accord, he openly voices his skepticism on global warming. Regardless of the ‘on-the-ground’ positive results, clearly his head is not in the right place. That is why we’re telling everyone to vote Democrat in the upcoming elections. We simply must get right-thinking people into positions of power if we hope to reverse the economic growth that is destroying the planet. Only when the vast majority of humanity is forced to lead a simpler lifestyle free from modern conveniences and long lives can we succeed in removing the human virus infects nature.”

EPA acting Administrator Andrew Wheeler, in contrast, lauded the emissions progress made last year. “The main point of improving the environment is to make the Earth a better place for humans and other life forms,” Wheeler argued. “Rational approaches that can generate cleaner air and more prosperity are the kind of win-win situations that will enjoy a broad base of support from the American people. The evidence shows that so far, we are on the right track.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Dems Vow Incivility Until They Are Returned to Power

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

This week twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton urged the Democratic mob to continue their efforts to intimidate and harass the Party’s opponents “until Democrats are restored to power.” President Obama’s former Attorney General Eric Folder seconded Clinton’s remarks calling them “the kind of tough stance we need to ram our message into the skulls of the American voter.”

Holder explicitly rejected former First Lady Michelle Obama’s advice that Democrats “should take the high road,” saying that “the time for polite debate has long since passed. We need more people like Jordan Hunt to take our fight for social justice into the streets.”

Jordan Hunt is the Canadian who was videotaped kicking Marie-Claire Bissonnette, an antiabortion protester sitting on the pavement at a demonstration in Toronto on September 23. Hunt tried to justify his assault by alleging “I was trying to kick the phone she was using to videotape me when I tore up her posters. I was a bit off target and ended up kicking her shoulder. But it wasn’t a total miss because her phone went flying and I did manage to tear her anti-abortion button off before I fled the scene. It’s my bad luck that her video survived and led police to me.”

Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI) disputed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s characterization of the insane ranting that has become the signature style of the Democratic Party as “mob tactics.” “You are underestimating us,” she warned. “We are no mere mob. We are the vanguard of the progressive revolution that will smash the reactionary elements who oppose our struggle to transform this country into a people’s republic. History has shown that the righteous wrath of the oppressed to be an irresistible force. In the end, the Grand Old Party will be as unable to stop us as the grand old tsar was unable to stop Lenin.”

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) blamed the Republicans for the rise of Democrat mobs. “They’re the ones who refuse to give us what we want,” Waters pointed out. “We wouldn’t have to be getting in their faces, hounding them, scaring them, and driving them from public places if they weren’t successfully resisting our demands. We didn’t used to have to take things so far. It used to be that Republicans would grumble a little bit and then give in. But with Trump egging them on they’ve morphed into a different animal that now requires more extreme methods if we want the revolution to succeed.”

“We’ve seen how the Republicans have abused their power since they stole the 2016 election from me,” Clinton asserted. “They rammed through a tax cut that has deprived the government of sorely needed resources and left that money in the hands of ignorant and selfish anti-government corporations and individuals. And Trump is nominating exclusively conservative judges and the GOP-controlled Senate is confirming them despite the serious allegations our Party has made against them. These are blows aimed at thwarting the changes President Obama promised voters. Democrats can’t be expected to accept these abuses without fighting back by whatever means are necessary.”

Meanwhile, some insight into the type of “civility” we might expect from an ascendant Democratic Party was provided by a Google briefing book titled The Good Censor. The book admits that Google has taken upon itself the responsibility of policing civility by censoring non-conforming views. Pichai Sundararajan, chief executive officer of Google, explained “when people share a common belief system there are fewer grounds for disagreement and fewer opportunities for uncivil interactions. By filtering out and suppressing the viewpoint outliers we are promoting the kind of unanimity that is conducive to a more civil society.”

In related news, a coven of witches has announced plans to cast a hex on newly appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh during an occult ritual to be held on October 20 in New York City. The event is being sponsored by Catland Books—“Brooklyn’s premiere occult bookshop.” Fifty percent of the funds raised by the event will go charity—25% to a homeless shelter and help center for LGBTQ youth and 25% to Planned Parenthood “in honor of the heroic actions of Jordan Hunt on behalf of our cause.”

Fusion GPS Founder to Take 5th

Amid a rising tide of evidence implicating his firm in a conspiracy to rig the 2016 presidential election and the subsequent post-election attempted deep-state coup, Fusion GPS founder Glenn Simpson says he will invoke his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination if Congress insists that he testify before the House Judiciary Committee.

Working at the behest of the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign, Fusion GPS paid former British spy Christopher Steele to compile a dossier of unverified salacious allegations that was meant to torpedo Trump’s chances of winning the 2016 election. When the dossier failed to produce the desired election outcome it was then used by corrupt elements in the Department of Justice and FBI to bamboozle the FISA Court to approve covert surveillance of the new president. The dossier also served as the source of “news” stories planted with co-conspiring media in the hope that it would produce public outrage against President Trump.

For his part, Simpson maintains that “I was responding to a higher loyalty than mere observance of obscure statutory law. I see no reason to stick my neck into the noose being prepared by Republicans who are now trying to use those laws against me. If they want to prosecute me they’ll have to do it without my help.”

Lawyers for Simpson complain that “it is clear that the goal of the House Committee is to discredit the painstakingly constructed story of Trump-Russia collusion that our client and his associates compiled in their patriotic effort to spare the country from the nightmarish Trump Administration. That story is Glenn Simpson’s truth. He has a right to be believed until the Committee or some other party can conclusively prove it to be untrue.”

Media Disses Kanye West for Meeting with Trump

Stumped by what they regard as “an inexplicable deviation from everything we’ve come to believe about race in America,” talking heads at MSNBC and CNN were at a loss for how to explain the friendly relationship between rapper musician Kanye West and President Donald Trump during their meeting to discuss prison reform.

CNN’s Don Lemon said “West’s notion that he could persuade Trump to take him seriously is a betrayal of his race. Every sane black person knows that hatred is the only acceptable attitude to have when it comes to Trump. Even if West does get Trump to adopt some of his ideas that would only strengthen this arch enemy of America’s minorities. The best I think West can hope for is to become the token negro of the Trump Administration.”

CNN political commentator Bakari Sellers augmented Lemon’s take, saying “Kanye West is what happens when Negros don’t read. All the authentic black intellectuals have written reams of material explaining why blacks need to stay with the Party that has enabled generations of our people to receive trillions of dollars in welfare benefits. West’s idea that his path of success through hard work can be replicated is unrealistic.”

Over at MSNBC, Stephanie Ruhle called President Trump’s meeting with West an “assault on our White House. This is the house where President Obama struggled for eight years to tear down the capitalist system that West now wants to save for his own selfish satisfaction. He is thinking for himself rather than standing with his brothers and sisters in solidarity with the progressive cause.”

Dem Bill to Limit Health Options Fails

A bill aimed at preventing consumers from choosing health insurance plans that better fit their needs was introduced in the Senate by Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY). If passed, the bill would overrule President Trump’s executive order expanding options beyond the limited list of expensive choices mandated under Obamacare.

Schumer complained that “the freedom President Trump injected into federal health care policy allows healthy individuals to choose insurance that is suited to their own needs, regardless of the needs of other, less healthy individuals. As Trump would have it, people who don’t want to pay for coverage they don’t need can do so. This violates the essential premise of President Obama’s health care vision, namely, that everyone should pay for everyone else’s health insurance. He was wise enough to realize that only by compelling the majority to pay for what they don’t want can the government guarantee that everyone gets the health care that experts agree they ought to have.”

The Senator also argued that “Trump’s approach poses a significant threat to the health care industry. Expensive Obamacare plans cover expensive treatments that hospitals and pharmaceutical companies depend upon for their income. These companies are virtually unanimous in their support for Obamacare. Are we going to listen to the best and brightest when it comes to crafting policy? Or are we going to let Trump’s misguided reverence for individualistic ideals destroy President Obama’s socially responsible conception of how we ought to do things?”

Even moderate Republicans rejected Schumer’s arguments. Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn) pointed out that “the plans authorized by President Trump allow those not enamored of nanny-state compulsion to make their own choices.” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) said “our constituents deserve more options, not fewer.” Schumer’s bill narrowly failed on a 50-50 tie vote. That’s how thin a margin there is for freedom in the upper house of Congress.

Hillary Says Allegations Against Bill Were Different

In an interview with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour former First Lady Hillary Clinton explained the difference between the sexual allegations made against her husband and those made against Donald Trump.

“First of all, Bill was thoroughly investigated,” she reminded. “There was forensic evidence of his semen on Monica’s dress. So it wasn’t just a ‘he said, she said’ type of case. Second, at the time many women publicly stated that they would gladly service Bill out of gratitude for his support of abortion. Third, the media didn’t make a big deal out of it. They realized he was doing a bang-up job as president and were willing to grant forgiveness for his peccadilloes.”

“Contrast that with Trump’s situation,” she went on. “There is no forensic evidence, but there are plenty of clues that have yet to be investigated. On the Access Hollywood tape we have Trump bragging about grabbing women’s private parts. In the Steele dossier there is a report of Trump paying prostitutes to urinate on a hotel bed. And Stormy Daniels says the two of them had consensual sex while Trump was married to Melania.”

“When you get right down to it, Trump looks pretty wimpy compared to Bill,” Hillary maintained. “Bill was daring. Bill wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I think voters respected him for that and reelected him many times as governor of Arkansas and again as president. To me, that is as clear an exoneration as a person could expect in this country. I would’ve gotten a similar exoneration if voters hadn’t been duped by Trump. Fortunately, I did get a consolation exoneration from the FBI.”

UK Government Eyeing Pizza Regulations

In a move to combat what it calls an “obesity epidemic,” Public Health England (PHE) is crafting rules to limit the size and number of toppings on pizzas. Dr Alison Tedstone, PHE chief nutritionist, promised that “our efforts will go beyond merely requiring restaurants to add healthier options to their menus. The real problem in our view is that customers could still choose unwisely. If we strictly control what can be offered we can eliminate unhealthy choices so that the consumer cannot make an unwise choice.”

Public Health Minister Steve Brine said the Government was “willing to do whatever it takes to keep children healthy and well in this country. If that means dictating what they can and cannot eat, then so be it. Ideally, this should be their parents’ job, but too many of them are themselves obese and blind to the risks of overeating.”

“Hopefully, we can get the number of calories per individual pizza down to no more than 695,” Brine said. “That’s about 70% pf the amount in a typical unregulated pie.” Asked what would prevent customers from simply buying an additional pizza, the Minister replied that “we are relying on the inconvenience factor combined with the general lethargy of our youth to minimize this risk. If that proves insufficient we are prepared to back it up by surveillance and surprise raids to deter attempts to evade the intent of the rules.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.” This post is also available on Facebook.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.