Trump Win Sparks Left-Wing Protests

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnDonald Trump’s surprising upset win over his heavily favored Democratic rival Hillary Clinton has sparked disturbing responses from some of her supporters. In Oakland, California anti-Trump protesters battled with police and set a squad car on fire. In Los Angeles, a protester ominously predicted “there will be casualties…because people have to die to make a change in this world.” In Portland, Oregon, rioters vandalized businesses. On Twitter the “hashtag” #assassinateTrump is trending.

Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s campaign manager, called on President Obama and Hillary Clinton to ask their supporters to refrain from violence. “We didn’t see this kind of violent response from Republicans when President Obama was elected in 2008 and 2012,” Conway pointed out. “The very least the leaders of the Democratic Party should do is urge their followers to confine themselves to peaceful and legal means of expressing their opinions.”

Thus far, Obama and Clinton have remained mum, but Press Secretary Josh Earnest reassured the media that “President Obama’s position that Trump is uniquely unqualified hasn’t changed. That there should be widespread outrage that a person with such poor suitability might be the next president shouldn’t be surprising. Carrying this outrage into the streets is a natural expression of views protected by the First Amendment.”

Meanwhile, presumed front-runner for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren defended the protests as “a justifiable response to a Trump campaign fueled by racism and bigotry. People are upset and they’re right to be upset. The damage done breaking a few windows and roughing up a few suspected Trump voters is far less than the damage that will be done by a Trump Administration.”

Retiring Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) asserted that “the election of Donald Trump has emboldened the forces of hate and bigotry in America.” Lest anyone think he might be condemning the anti-Trump rioters, Reid maintains that “innocent African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Muslim Americans, LGBT Americans and Asian Americans are now living in fear of their own government and their fellow Americans.” A fear that he argues is “entirely rational.” Reid concluded by laying the responsibility for restoring order on Trump who, he says “could immediately defuse the situation by conceding the election to Hillary Clinton. She won the popular vote. More people want her to be president than want Trump to be president.”

In related news, the demand for psychiatric services in New York City soared after Trump’s victory. Local Dr. Fran Tichman was giddy over the boom in business. “New Yorkers already have above average incidences of emotional issues. Many are living on the edge of mental breakdown. The recent election has pushed these people over the brink.”

The contrast with the right-wing surge to buy guns during the Obama Administration is profound. At that time, we saw conservatives taking action to defend themselves from external threats. Now, we see people seeking mental counseling help for internal threats. While NYC shrinks are filling their calendars with appointments, sales of firearms are expected to decline with Trump in office.

Democrats Seeking Scapegoat for Loss

Reeling from the shock of an unanticipated election defeat, Clinton Campaign chairman John Podesta, whose emails detailing rampant cheating and corruption by the Democratic National Committee and its chosen candidate were exposed by Wikileaks, blamed media bias in favor of Trump as “the main reason we lost. Their refusal to give adequate coverage to Trump’s obvious unfitness combined with their unfair and relentless scrutiny of every little misstep made by Secretary Clinton poisoned her reputation was a stab in the back by people we thought we could trust.”

As an example of media bias, Podesta cited “the superficial attention given to Trump’s taxes and his connections to Russia. Despite our repeated efforts to help them focus on the message we wanted to convey on these issues they got side-tracked by the Wikileaks invasion of my private communications. My emails were obtained illegally and would not have been admissible in a court of law. In a just world the content of these emails would have been suppressed.”

Podesta also named the Obama Administration “an accessory in this miscarriage of justice. At the very least, the Department of Justice should have issued a ‘gag order’ barring newspapers, TV networks, and radio stations from mentioning any of the contents in any of these emails. Instead, FBI Director James Comey was allowed to enumerate a list of infractions that gave the impression that Clinton was guilty of some sort of crime for operating a non-secure system, destroying public documents, and lying about it. This was a betrayal of the first magnitude.”

Long-time Clinton crony Sidney Blumenthal offered some sympathy for Comey, calling him “the victim of a conspiracy of right-wing FBI agents who staged a coup d’etat against the rightful rulers of this country. Comey tried to protect Hillary from these traitors, but was thwarted by pressure from them ridiculously insisting that she be treated the same as any other person under the law.”

President Obama blamed Facebook. “By essentially allowing anyone to post whatever they wanted to on Facebook, Mr. Zuckerberg neglected his responsibility to police the forum and block the publication of erroneous ideas,” Obama complained. “I know he contends that his algorithms were designed to divert attention away from these erroneous ideas, but clearly that wasn’t adequate. Millions of people were still able, through persistence, to find these posts and be influenced by them to cast incorrect ballots. This is something that has to be fixed before the next election.”

Obama Pondering Pardoning Clinton

Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest expressed confidence that President Obama would “not let emotional outbursts by people understandably distraught over the election deter him from pardoning Hillary and those other public servants for any crimes they may have committed in the course of performing their duties. The template for such a pardon was established by President Ford’s similar pardon for Nixon. And as Hillary pointed out in one of the debates, in America we don’t jail losing candidates.”

“Governing is not a business for the squeamish,” Earnest added. “Actions that might be regarded as appalling if done by ordinary people may be necessary for maintaining order and continuity among those elevated to rule the nation. Punishing members of the governing class for undertaking the distasteful tasks necessary would be too disruptive to the peaceful transfer of power.”

France and Germany Rattled by Trump’s Election

French and German officials expressed concern over the election of Donald Trump as the next US president.

French Foreign Minister Jean-Marc Ayrault called Trump’s triumph over Clinton “a shock to the system. Trump’s insistence that we must pay for our own defense is an unprecedented deviation from the post WWII consensus.”

French President Francois Hollande, languishing with a pathetic 4% approval rating, feared that “the success of Mr. Trump may be a harbinger of a resurgent right-wing in France. If a nation with only a tiny fraction of Muslim immigrants installs Trump there would seem to be little chance of us avoiding the election of Marine Le Pen next year.”

A despondent German Chancellor Angela Merkel wondered “who will now help bear the burden of accepting Muslim gropers, molesters, and rapists? Secretary Clinton gave many assurances that significant numbers would be admitted to the United States if she was elected. Trump promises to block all those who can’t be properly vetted. This may end the post-World War II alliance between our two countries.”

In related news, the Muslim Brotherhood labeled Trump’s election “a disaster for our hopes of creating a new global caliphate. Our opportunity to penetrate America will be drastically curtailed and our fighters trapped within the confines of Europe and Asia.”

NYC Mayor to Delete Illegal Alien Database

New York City’s Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio says he will order the deletion of the database of 850,000 illegal aliens residing in his city “to protect them from any enforcement action President Trump may attempt after he takes office.”

The database was established as part of deBlasio’s initiative to issue ID cards to those in the country illegally “so they can live normal lives like any other American. New York has been and will remain a sanctuary city. If it was important when a friendly Administration was in charge in Washington, it is crucial now that a hostile bigot like Trump is in line to be president.”

DeBlasio proclaimed himself “unafraid of what a President Trump might do. Congress will never allow him to cut federal aid to sanctuary cities. And the FBI is already on record declaring that the deletion of public data by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was not a prosecutable offense. So, there’s precedent protecting our action. I don’t see what leverage Trump could have to try to enforce compliance with his new policies.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

Reflections on the Elections

Most amazing: President-elect Trump’s rallies in numerous states were amazing. It appeared in several states that he would lose, but then he came roaring on to take them in the latter stages of vote counting. We were appalled at some of Trump’s behavior in past years, but we are confident that with friends like Dr. Ben Carson and Franklin Graham standing with him, he is a changed man. He has the potential to undue much of the horrific damage done to the nation by Barack Hussein Obama.

Most shocking: What, are you kidding? No Democratic lawsuits, no challenges over votes, no demands for recounts? When you get whipped that badly, not even Democrat lawyers can muck up the works enough to contest an election. And the Dems were no doubt over-confident that they’d win the presidency outright and would not actually need to resort to their usual dirty tricks. About the only weasel works evident were Democrat attempts to run to courts and beg judges to extend voting hours. Thank goodness, these attempts were rebuffed.

Most appalling: The civil unrest that’s followed. What are high schools and colleges teaching these truant students? That when things don’t go your way, when you suffer disappointments, you walk out of school and throw a hissy fit. You need an emotional support dog. You disobey law enforcement officers by blocking streets. You riot. You damage other people’s property. You sign a petition demanding the election results be overturned. Bottom line? You do not prepare these kids for the work place. Try these stunts on work time and you’ll be out of a job. Life is full of disappointments. Grow up.

Least surprising: A stand-up president would call for order, civility and calmness in the cities under siege by rioters. A leader in the White House would urge restraint and respect for the transition of power and for other people’s property. But that’s not what we have in the man in the White House. A real leader would be working with cities to quell the riots and beef up security with the National Guard. This president is weak and inept.

Highly disgusting: So-called “newscasters”  at ABC Channel 15 in Phoenix participated in an election commercial aimed at making a Republican congressional candidate look bad. The commercial accused Paul Babeu of mistreating students years ago as the headmaster at a school in Massachusetts. No less than four ABC “newscasters” were shown scowling during the hit piece, clearly trying to cast a pall on Babeu. Totally unethical, improper and inappropriate.

Highly alarming: Radical leftist George Soros threw his big fat wallet into Arizona and took down legendary Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. The Obama Administration had been attacking Arpaio in the courts for years. He’s an impediment to the Democrat-sponsored border invasion designed to bring in new voters. And he had to go. They finally got him. Soros is never up for election, so we can’t vote out the war chest he’s using to attack America at its foundations.

Mostly gone: In two years from now we must defeat Secretary of State Michelle Reagan in the GOP primary. She has proven incompetent in her election performance, not able to master the technology, which delays voting results. The scary thing is that this pro-abortion leftist is a heartbeat away from the governor’s office, and the secretary of state’s office has been a springboard for some future governors. We can do better than this. We need a good conservative leader to take out Reagan in the 2018 primary election.

Welcome newcomer: Hey, Andy Biggs, welcome to Congress! As the successor to Matt Salmon in the East Valley congressional district, we are overjoyed at your election and know you’ll do a great job! Congratulations, also, to incumbents winning re-election: Trent Franks, David Schweikert, Martha McSally and Paul Gosar. We still to regain the seat in northeastern Arizona.

Abominable: We are indebted to the voters who rejected Prop 205 and stopped the national wave of marijuana legalization in Arizona. The commercials claiming marijuana would help children’s education were nothing short of abominable. Unconscionable! Unfortunately Prop 206 passed, raising the minimum wage, and that will really hurt small businesses and people seeking part-time work. The state’s new minimum wage is untenable for many businesses and they’ll hire fewer people, likely let others go. Bad move, voters.

2016 Arizona General Election Results

PRESIDENT

Trump — 709,125

Clinton — 665,125

U.S. SENATE

McCain–702,878

Kirkpatrick–568,835

U.S. HOUSE

AZ-D1 

Babeu–59,422

O’Halleran–67,665

 

AZ-D2 

McSally–87,330

Heinz–81,409

 

AZ-D4 

Gosar–110,122

Weisser–47,568

 

AZ-D5 

Biggs–107,403

Fuentes–65,282

 

AZ-D6 

Schweikert–113,323

Williamson–72,361

 

AZ-D7 

Nunez–19,781

Gallego–59,168

 

AZ-D8 

Franks–121,353

Salazar–56,124

 

AZ-D9

Giles–53,158

Sinema-89,623

MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF

Arpaio–355,695

Penzone–439,387

MARICOPA COUNTY ATTORNEY

Montgomery–399,000

Rodriguez–354,000

PROP 205

Yes–626,657

No–722,239

PROP 206

Yes–807,575

No–534,667

AZ CORP COMMISSIONERS

Burns–66,150

Tobin-605,004

Dunn-571,220

Chabin–566,842

Mundell–580,322

Hillary’s Unsecure Email System Breached

By   John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnFBI agents examining the trove of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s emails on a lap-top computer seized from sexter Anthony Weiner reportedly have discovered that the emails show signs of being hacked on multiple occasions. Among the suspected hackers are China, Germany, Russia and South Korea.

Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook contends that “this proves what we’ve been saying all along. It’s good that a source as reputable as the FBI has corroborated that it is the Russians who’ve been meddling in our election and why America’s future security is dependent upon the election of a proven leader like Secretary Clinton as our next president.”

FBI Director James Comey declined to offer any details regarding the ongoing criminal investigation into Secretary Clinton’s illegal email set-up, but did call Mook’s assertion “an inaccurate characterization of the status of what we have gleaned from Mr. Weiner’s device.”

In related news, Huma Abedin, Hillary confidante and wife to Weiner, has been tasked by the campaign to atone for her role in the scandal by raising more money to supplement the billion dollar effort to elect Clinton. At a fund-raiser at the north-west Washington home of Constance Milstein, a $5,000 donation will entitle the giver to a “selfie” photograph with Abedin. Millionaire Democrat donor Dennis Mann says he “can’t wait. This is the biggest scandal in American history. Paying a mere $5,000 to be photographed with a key confederate like Huma is an opportunity not to be missed.”

DOD to Reform Army Recruitment

This week Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter announced his “vision” for the Army of the future. As Carter sees it “the armed forces need to represent a better cross section of the population. Right now too many of our recruits are rednecks and gun nuts. As President Obama is fond of saying, ‘this is not who we are as a country.’”

In order to move toward a more representative mix in the US military Carter vows “to enlist more people with different lifestyles.” The different lifestyles under consideration include the obese, drug addicts, transgenders, and single moms. “Excluding these different people guarantees that our troops will not resemble our population,” the secretary pointed out. “By being more inclusive we will show this country’s enemies that they face our total population, not just those who are fit to fight.”

“The flip side, of course, is opening up all the benefits of military service to people, who quite frankly, could use it,” the secretary said. “The medical care for those on active duty exceeds anything that Obamacare can provide. There’s no deductible. There’s no limit on how much can be spent on any individual. Considering that overweight people have more health problems and that many transgenders can’t afford genital reconstruction surgery, the option of having the government take care of you has to be attractive to these groups.”

In a similar move, the Obama Administration’s Advancing Diversity in Law Enforcement initiative is pushing 18,000 law enforcement agencies at the state and local levels to hire drug abusers and ex-cons as a way to recruit more officers from “underrepresented communities.” Vanita Gupta, Deputy Assistant Attorney General for civil rights for the US Department of Justice, called “these victims of white man’s justice a prime untapped resource for achieving a more progressive society. Their experiences from the other side will be invaluable as we march forward toward a brighter tomorrow.”

Obama Warns Voters “Trump Is Not One of Us”

In his last push on behalf of electing Hillary Clinton our next president, President Obama sought to paint her GOP opponent Donald Trump as “other.”

“Donald Trump is not a regular guy,” Obama said. “He doesn’t drink the same beer you do. He doesn’t drink any kind of beer or other alcoholic beverage. He may have been a TV star, but all your favorite TV and movie stars hate him. I’m the one they like and I’m telling you to vote for Hillary.”

Obama also contrasted “Trump’s money-grubbing career as a billion-dollar real estate tycoon” with “Hillary’s life of public service. He piled up a fortune by forcing people to pay to stay in his hotels. Hillary left the White House dead broke and would have died penniless if grateful people from all parts of the world hadn’t given her millions to continue her public service as a senator and secretary of state.”

“The choice is clear,” Obama said. “Do you want to risk taking a chance on an unproven and inexperienced outsider like Trump? Or do you want to ensure that we stay the course I have led the country on for these past eight years? The future of America and the world depends on how you vote on November 8th.”

Contrary to the Democrats’ efforts to portray Trump and his supporters as “deplorables,” a study just released by the Pew Research Center found that “Donald Trump’s supporters are more tolerant, open-minded, respectful and understanding than are Hillary Clinton’s supporters.”

“It’s not at all what I would’ve expected,” remarked MSNBC’s Chris Matthews. “Clinton’s backers are the ones with liberal arts degrees. The meme is that college education makes you more tolerant. The only explanation that makes sense is that the Trump supporters are justifiably tolerant of their social betters and the Clinton supporters are justifiably intolerant of the social inferiors who make up the bulk of Trump’s supporters.”

However, another possible explanation is that while Trump has narrowly focused his attacks on a “crooked” Hillary, she, in turn, has broadly demeaned Trump supporters as “dark, divisive, and dangerous.” It is possible that Trump’s supporters are more tolerant of Hillary’s supporters because they see them as fellow victims of her crimes and deserving of some sympathy. Perhaps Clinton’s scurrilous denigration of Trump’s supporters is a factor in her supporters instigating violence at Trump rallies.

In related news, music producer and singer Pharrell Williams urged women to vote for Hillary because “she’s no more dishonest than you are. Sure she’s lied, but who hasn’t? Men have screwed this country up since the beginning. It’s time a woman is given a chance.”

White House Happy with Brazile

Despite Wikileaks evidence showing that Donna Brazile helped Hillary Clinton cheat against rival Bernie Sanders during the Democratic primaries by covertly passing questions to her ahead of debates, Press Secretary-Josh Earnest maintains that she has President Obama’s full support as chairperson of the DNC.

“The president is loyal to his friends,” Earnest insisted. “The fact that Donna has been fired by CNN for besmirching their integrity has only stiffened his resolve to stand by her. Look, what she did is no worse than a baseball team stealing another team’s signs. It’s all part of the game. It’s not her fault that Bernie and his crew didn’t have the enterprise to cultivate their own inside contacts at the networks. Their lack of preparation shouldn’t be used as an excuse to pillory long-time public servants like Donna and Hillary.”

“The key thing is to win,” Earnest added. “If you win you have the power to make whatever you had to do legal. If you lose you’re left on the outside begging for crumbs from the winner. Donna didn’t just choose to back the winner. She went the extra mile to help make that happen in what turned out to be a very close race. She is the kind of person the President is proud to have on our side.”

Wikileaks Expose Documents Showing “Intent”

In July, FBI Director James Comey enumerated a list of crimes for which former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton could’ve been prosecuted if only there were evidence of “intent.” He settled for labeling her deceptive practices regarding classified communications as “extraordinarily careless.”

This past week’s Wikileaks document unveiling included two emails indicating that Clinton’s henchmen were actively pursuing steps to hide her crimes. In one email, campaign chairman John Podesta says “we are going to have to dump all those emails.” In another, Clinton aide Cheryl Mills orders technicians running the illegal email system to delete undesired emails with “Bleach Bit.”

Podesta attempted to assert that “dump” could’ve meant to publish the emails. “Every week we see Friday afternoon ‘dumps’ of information by the Obama Administration,” he pointed out. “Who’s to say that I didn’t intend for our technicians to publish those 33,000 emails?” Perhaps the fact that the emails were not published might be indicative of Podesta’s real intent to have them deleted.

For her part, Mills contends that her mention of Bleach Bit “was merely part of a process brainstorming options for dealing with the problem. How was I to know the IT guys would actually implement this option?” In the face of one of the technicians’ concerns that “this whole thing is really covering up a lot of shady sh*t,” the notion that hired IT guys would, on their own initiative, “bleach” the emails out of Hillary’s hard drive without instructions to do so from the person who hired them seems dubious.

In related news, in another Wikileaks exposed email Podesta expressed dismay that Chelsea Clinton “would air our dirty laundry by confiding her fears about the financial irregularities at the Foundation with one of Bush’s daughters. This is not smart. Then again, her mother has made some amazingly stupid decisions. So I guess the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.”

Clinton Campaign Questions FBI Release

This week the FBI released a file with information regarding former President Bill Clinton’s pardon of fugitive financier Marc Rich in 2001. Rich was under indictment on 65 criminal counts, including income tax evasion, wire fraud, racketeering, and trading with Iran during the oil embargo. Subsequent to receiving the pardon, Rich paid a million dollars to the Clintons.

Clinton campaign press secretary Brian Fallon accused the FBI of “wrongfully trying to influence the election,” characterized the seeming bribe for the pardon as “a coincidence,” and complained that “even if it was a bribe, the statute of limitations on that crime has long since expired.”

An FBI spokesman described the release as “a routine response to a Freedom of Information Request. The statute of limitations on the case is expired. Mr. Rich is dead. There will be no prosecution. So there is no legal grounds for withholding this public record.”

Biden Says Hillary Faces Unfair “Double Standard”

Vice-President Joe Biden assailed what he says is an unfair “double standard” when it comes to judging Hillary Clinton’s “authenticity and trustworthiness.”

“Look, when her husband was running for president voters overlooked the Whitewater scam and all the women he molested and let him be president,” Biden remembered. “They lowered the bar for him. In a just world they’d give a similar pass to Hillary. But no, every little misstep is being held against her by a biased media aided and abetted by a rogue FBI.”

“They say she lies,” Biden added. “What politician doesn’t lie? Bill lied about Monica. Harry Reid lied about Romney. Barack lied about keeping your doctor. It happens. We don’t hold it against the brave men and women who must make great sacrifices to run the country.”

“I say she’s paid her dues waiting in line for her turn at the top,” Biden declared. “Letting her have that turn will enable us to repay the enormous debt this nation owes her for three decades of public service.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Climate Fanatics Indoctrinating Children on Falsehoods

The Weather Channel is now indoctrinating children to lecture to their parents about so-called “global warming.” But here are some inconvenient facts for these left-wing alarmists:

The scientific reality is that on virtually every claim — from A to Z — the promoters of manmade climate fears are falling short or going in the opposite direction.

  • Global temperatures have been virtually flat for about 18 years according to satellite data, and peer-reviewed literature is now scaling back predictions of future warming. 
  • The U.S. has had no Category 3 or larger hurricane make landfall since 2005 – the longest spell since the Civil War. 
  • Strong F3 or larger tornadoes have been in decline since the 1970s. 
  • Despite claims of snow being ‘a thing of the past,’ cold season snowfall has been rising. 
  • Sea level rise rates have been steady for over a century, with recent deceleration.   
  • Droughts and floods are neither historically unusual nor caused by mankind, and there is no evidence we are currently having any unusual weather. 
  • So-called hottest year claims are based on year-to-year temperature data that differs by only a few HUNDREDTHS of a degree to tenths of a degree Fahrenheit – differences that are within the margin of error in the data. In other words, global temperatures have essentially held very steady with no sign of acceleration. 
  • A 2015 NASA study found Antarctica was NOT losing ice mass and ‘not currently contributing to sea level rise.’ 
  • 2016 Arctic sea ice was 22 percent greater than the recent low point of 2012. The Arctic sea ice is now in a 10-year ‘pause’ with ‘no significant change in the past decade.’   
  • Deaths due to extreme weather have declined dramatically. 
  • Polar bears are doing fine, with their numbers way up since the 1960s.

    Have climate change skeptics lost the climate debate?

    No! Climate skepticism enjoys huge popularity in polling data, and every time a climate bill has come before the U.S. Congress it has failed to pass. There never was any real climate debate! One of the key reasons climate fear proponents don’t want to debate is what happened during a pivotal high-profile debate in 2007 in New York City, where skeptics were voted the clear winners against global warming proponents.
    NASA’s Gavin Schmidt appeared so demoralized at losing that debate that he announced debates equally split between believers in a climate ‘crisis’ and scientific skeptics are probably not “worthwhile” to ever agree to again. And climate change promoters listened, with debates becoming rarer and rarer.
    In fact, instead of engaging in debates, prominent climate activists now call for jailing skeptics. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., declared he wanted to jail his climate skeptics.  “They ought to be serving time for it,” Kennedy said in 2014.

    For more, click here:

Why We have not Been Able to do Endorsements This Year

In the 13-year history of The Arizona Conservative, we have been known for our election endorsements. We’ve done the digging and the research to give you the best advice on who the best qualified candidates are. We’ve stayed up late on election nights and given the most up-to-date results we can give. Then we followed up with post-election analysis.

But this year we’ve experienced adversity that made it impossible for us to provide that valuable service to the thousands of people who have come to depend on us through the years. We apologize. Some have written us asking for the usual advice on judges, but we simply have not been in a position to prepare for those questions this year.

We see a light at the end of the tunnel and a brighter future ahead. We fully expect to be there for you again at election time every two years.

Thank you for your understanding. We hope you will not be discouraged by what’s happening to our country and that you will stand tall and vote to the best of your knowledge before the current election season ends a week from tomorrow. Demand honest, law-abiding candidates who will lead with solid ethics and good values. Do not be swayed by those on the Left who are committed to destroy the foundations of this nation. Do not let yourself be deceived by the hollow rhetoric, the dishonest propaganda of the Left, the Democrats.

Renewed FBI Probe Riles Democrats

By   John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnThis week FBI Director James Comey announced it might have to revisit the criminal investigation into former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s emails. “In the course of our investigation on another case we came across a device that held emails pertinent to our earlier probe of Secretary Clinton,” Comey said in his letter to Congress.

Coming on the heels of recent Wikileaks revelations of stunning examples of corruption and obstruction of justice in emails hacked from Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman John Podesta’s computer, as well as Project Veritas’ videos implication the Clinton campaign in dirty tricks and election fraud, the FBI’s announcement was not well taken by the Democrats.

Podesta called Comey’s action “an unprecedented betrayal and a violation of the agreement we reached with him four months ago that Secretary Clinton would be found innocent of any criminal intent regarding her illegal system. This hint of scandal so late in the campaign threatens to derail the election of the most qualified person to ever seek the office of president.”

Former President Bill Clinton’s Labor Secretary Robert Reich questioned the “irresponsible” timing of the release, saying that “it should be up to whoever is elected president in 11 days to decide whether there need be any further effort expended on a matter ruled closed last July by Comey himself.”

Left-wing economist Paul Krugman went on a tweet rampage alleging that “Comey is trying to swing the election” and claiming that “reneging on his earlier verdict of innocent constitutes ‘double jeopardy.’ This is expressly forbidden by the Fifth Amendment.”

David Axelrod, former senior adviser to President Obama, condemned Comey for “placing institutional loyalty to the FBI over his loyalty to President Obama. The FBI has taken a lot of flak for letting Hillary escape indictment for her extraordinary carelessness. But taking flak is the role of loyal subordinates. Comey’s wilting under the damage to the FBI’s reputation as a law enforcement agency exhibits a weakness that demonstrates his unfitness to serve in government.”

Vice-President Joe Biden defended Clinton’s decision to resort to using a secret illegal email system, calling it “a natural response to the unrelenting abuse she’s received from Republicans and their media hatchet men over the past 30 years. I don’t blame her and Bill for racking up all the cash they’ve pocketed since leaving the White House. I’m sure they see it as deserved compensation for the torment they’ve suffered.”

In related news, Attorney General Loretta Lynch declined to comply with an investigation by Congress of the Obama Administration’s secret efforts to pay Iran $1.7 billion in ransom money. Melanie Newman, Director of the Department of Justice’s Office of Public Affairs justified Lynch’s refusal to cooperate as “a matter of prosecutorial discretion. As the nation’s chief law-enforcement official it is within her power to determine whether any legal action needs to be taken in any particular case. In this case she has determined that there is nothing worthy of further inquiry.” Rep. Mike Pompeo (R-Kan) characterized Lynch’s position as “the equivalent of a crook who pleads the Fifth to avoid self-incrimination.”

ACLU Files to Force Catholic Hospitals to Sterilize Patients

This week the American Civil Liberties Union filed a complaint with the Department of Health and Human Services Office for Civil Rights demanding that it force Catholic hospitals to sterilize patients. The complaint alleges that the refusal to provide a service the religiously supported hospitals deem a violation of their faith is unlawful discrimination against women.

ACLU spokesman Bertram Petty asserted that “religious dogma must yield to the government’s right to determine what kinds of medical procedures are essential human rights under the Affordable Care Act. The government represents everyone. The Catholic Church represents a minority. Clearly, democracy requires that a minority’s preferences must give way to the mandates derived from majority rule.”

Petty dismissed the argument that there are many non-religious hospitals where patients could seek the services not available at Catholic institutions, saying that “the abundance of secular alternatives evades the main point. The ACA has laid out a list of procedures patients are entitled to receive from every health care provider. If we start allowing providers to decline to comply with requests we are elevating idiosyncratic notions of individual or religious rights to supersede the definition of rights granted to us by the government.”

“While we have some sympathy for the idea that there is a zone of personal freedom for individual choice, we also must adjust when government decides to narrow that zone, as it has with the ACA,” Petty added. “To do less would be to permit individualism to trump equality.”

In related news, a recent poll conducted by Politico and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that 58% of voters oppose using taxpayer money to fund abortions performed under the Medicaid system, while 36% favor it. Hillary Clinton has pledged to repeal the law that currently bars the federal government from spending tax dollars on abortions. Robert Blendon, the Harvard professor who conducted the poll, doubts it will negatively affect her election chances “because few voters are aware of her actual views on the topic.”

Democrat Election Fraud Continues Across America

In Florida, Gladys Coego, a temporary worker for the Miami-Dade County Elections Department, was caught altering mailed in ballots by coloring in “bubbles” that the original voter had left blank. Coego justified her effort “to salvage votes that otherwise would’ve gone to waste. If a person doesn’t fully exercise their right to vote where’s the harm in me finishing the job they left undone?”

In a separate incident, Tomika Curgil was accused by the State Attorney’s office of filing voter registration forms for five individuals without their consent, 17 additional forms for fictitious persons and several for persons recently deceased.

Juan Cuba, executive director of the Miami-Dade Democratic Party, urged that “we not overreact to these minor infractions that obviously stem from misplaced enthusiasm. Granted, they shouldn’t have done what they did, but it was not for personal gain. It was out of a zealous concern for the good of the nation. At worst, it couldn’t result in more than a few dozen unwarranted ballots being cast. The odds that it might change the outcome are incredibly small.”

In Virginia, Vafalay Massaquoi is facing felony charges for using fake names to fill out voter registration forms. Massaquoi said he viewed his actions as “fair payback for the hundreds of years of oppression of blacks in this state and the country. I felt it was long past the time that we needed to balance out all the voices that were silenced by slavery and Jim Crow.”

In Virginia’s Fairfax County, voters requesting mail-in ballots received a letter from Governor Terry McAuliffe urging them to vote Democrat. Including partisan campaign material in the mailings is illegal. Nonetheless, McAuliffe labeled the incident “an honest mistake. Can we really expect county employees to know that it would be against the law to insert a letter signed by their state’s governor into the mailing? I’m sure this isn’t the first time such a thing has happened. So let’s not make too much of it.”

In North Carolina, Hillary supporter Robert Dougherty bragged on Facebook about how he voted for some of his Facebook friends using their identities and saving them the bother of “having to wait on line to vote the straight Democratic ticket we all support.” Dougherty vowed to “continue voting everyday right up to November 8th using names and addresses I got from Google. I can’t believe how easy it is.”

Longtime Clinton campaign operative James Carville advised “everyone should chill out. Of course there will be some election fraud. Rather than crying about it the Republicans need to show some initiative to come up with their own schemes to offset what we Democrats are doing. That’s what competition is all about.”

Meanwhile, the Department of Justice warns that “private citizens challenging voters to prove their identity and videotaping or photographing alleged fraud is a violation of federal voting rights laws. Oversight of the election process must be left up to the authorized public officials.”

Dem VP Candidate Says Hillary Will Seek Broader War-Making Powers

In an appearance on the CNN program The Axe Files, Democratic vice-presidential candidate Sen. Tim Kaine (Va.) reassured David Axelrod, a former top adviser to President Obama, that “Secretary Clinton wants to unleash the president’s ability to move more quickly deploy military force against this nation’s enemies. The Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) that Congress passed to enable the Bush Administration to invade Afghanistan is too restrictive. The next president needs the authority to strike quickly without warning.”

Kaine cited the current stalemate in Syria between US and Russian forces as an example of where broader presidential war-making authority is needed. “Despite the atrocities carried out by the Russians on behalf of the Assad regime, President Obama has been unable to intervene because of Congressional interference,” Kaine contended. “He has drawn ‘red lines’ that have been violated, but has hesitated to retaliate out of fear that Congress might impede a successful use of force like a ‘no fly zone.’”

The authorization Hillary would pursue was characterized as “a sort of ‘power-of-attorney’ that she could employ to take action on the nation’s behalf without having to get an explicit congressional okay on a case-by-case basis,” Kaine said. “If such an authorization had been put in place during the early years of the Obama Administration the perpetrator of the Wikileaks invasion into private emails that are now threatening to overthrow the election could have been ‘droned’ as Hillary urged President Obama to do.”

In related news, Hillary is said to be considering appointing current Vice-President Joe Biden as Secretary of State in her administration. Jake Sullivan, a foreign policy adviser to the Clinton campaign touted Biden as “a man with the kind of ‘hands on’ experience that could be very valuable in the critical task of dealing with the leaders of other nations. His suggestion that home owners get a shotgun for personal self-defense and fire it through the front door to scare off intruders reveals a solid grasp of the practical aspects of mounting an appropriate show of force to deter foreign aggression.”

Obama Says Consumers to Blame for Health Insurance Cost Hikes

With the price of health insurance under Obamacare continuing to spiral upward many consumers are concerned they won’t be able to afford to purchase the mandatory coverage. While the average projected increase for next year is around 25 percent, in many places it is much higher. In Arizona, for example, cost hikes are expected to exceed 100 percent.

President Obama, the guy who promised that the cost of insurance would decline under the ironically misnamed Affordable Care Act, blamed consumers for “failing to shop around to find the best bargain.” Unfortunately the choice of providers needed for this advice to work has also been a casualty of the ACA. In parts of Arizona where some of the price hikes have been most severe only one provider is offering qualifying policies.

Jonathan Gruber, the MIT professor who designed Obamacare, acknowledged that “a key flaw in the program is that the penalties for not buying health care insurance are too low. If the fines for noncompliance are only hundreds of dollars while the cost of the insurance is thousands or tens of thousands a year, too many will opt to pay the fines. Hillary’s plan to fix the program by boosting the penalties up to where they are higher than the cost to buy the insurance will force these scofflaws into compliance.”

A deterrent to buying the mandated policies that went unmentioned by the program’s advocates are the high deductibles. Under the “affordable” Bronze plan no benefits are paid to the insured until he or she has already incurred and paid for $6,000 in covered medical expenses for each policy-year of coverage. Those who don’t have to be hospitalized won’t likely meet the deductible.

Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell, however, pointed out that “a simple visit to a hospital emergency room lasting less than a full day will easily added up to several times the amount of the deductible. The bill for an x-ray can easily exceed $1,000. Dosing a patient with a couple of Tylenol capsules can be billed at over $100. Those without insurance will have to pay all of these amounts out of their own pocket. So they should stop whining about deductibles.”

A saner approach to health care would ask why care rendered in a hospital should be so outrageously expensive. Perhaps critics who argue that the ACA is better understood as an intended coerced transfer of wealth from consumers to the moneyed interests from the health sector—hospitals, drug manufacturers, and insurers—who lobbied to get the legislation passed by an all-Democrat, Party-line vote back in 2010.

German Court Overturns Rape Conviction

The Iraqi immigrant who raped a ten-year old boy in the changing area of a swimming pool in the Austrian capital of Vienna had his conviction overturned by the German Supreme Court this past week.

The assailant, Amir A, had previously offered a “sexual emergency” argument in justification of the rape. “It had been more than four months since I had seen my wife and I had to receive sexual release for the sake of my health,” he claimed. The health of his victim was negatively impacted by the encounter. The child suffered severe anal injuries and is still plagued by serious post-traumatic stress disorder.

The trial court rejected the “sexual emergency” plea and Amir A was convicted of sexual assault and rape. On appeal, Supreme Court President Thomas Philipp overturned the rape conviction on the grounds that “the fact that the  defendant did not have a fluidity with the German language supports an argument that he did not understand that the his struggling victim was objecting to the sexual encounter. The notion that the boy’s age or physical resistance would be adequate evidence of lack of consent unfairly imposes Western standards on a person from a non-western culture. It is my understanding that where Amir comes from violently subduing a child for the purposes of sexual gratification is an accepted practice.” Consequently, Philipp vacated Amir’s conviction “lest we make him a victim of rules he neither understands nor consents to.”

In related news, a Syrian refugee with four wives and 23 children has been receiving nearly $400,000 a year in welfare benefits. The migrant, whose name was withheld by the German government “to protect him from the wrath of outraged taxpayers,” maintains that the benefits are his due since “it is the obligation of unbelievers to pay the jizya to Muslims as commanded in the Quran if they don’t want to be killed.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

DNC Chair Assails Videos of Democrat Election Fraud

 JohnBy   John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

 The Democratic National Committee Chairperson Donna Brazile assailed videos from Project Veritas declaring that “these stolen tapes should not be permitted to be viewed by voters prior to the election. Posing as a Democratic Party intern for the purpose of secretly gathering inside information is just a lowdown dirty trick.

In a testy exchange with Fox News’ Meagan Kelly, the DNC replacement for the previously disgraced Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who was forced to resign after leaked emails revealed that she was leading an effort to rig the Democratic nomination process to benefit Hillary Clinton, Brazile attempted to divert attention from the content of the video expose´ by asserting that the manner in which the evidence was obtained “renders it inadmissible” and predicted that “no prosecutor will ever bring charges against the Democratic Party.”

In the videos, Democratic “black ops” officials Scott Foval and Bob Creamer boasted of “paying mentally ill ‘street crazies’” to instigate violence at Trump campaign rallies and carting around bogus voters to cast multiple ballots “in states with weak voter ID laws.” Brazile contended that “the deception and betrayal of trust by Veritas’ phony volunteers goes beyond anything that we have previously seen. Campaign practices that have enjoyed 50 years of success are now threatened with neutralization by O’Keefe’s criminal trespass.”

Brazile also argued that “the emails stolen and published by Wikileaks are, as Secretary Clinton pointed out in the debate, a conspiracy by the Russians and Trump to undermine the November election. These emails were confidential communications. Their misappropriation by a foreign government is evidence of the threat to our democracy that Trump and his co-conspirators represent. No reputable news outlet will participate in repeating these lies to the American public.” She went on to forecast that “after she’s elected, President Clinton will most likely instruct her Attorney General to root out these enemies and put them out of commission.”

Ironically, in one of the leaked emails Brazile lamented “the despair of many Americans over the state of the economy. There are new jobs, but they are low-wage and part-time jobs. The economic stagnation that has hit this country puts President Obama, his policies, and his supporters in the Democratic Party in an extremely unflattering light that does not bode well for how voters may react when casting their ballots.”

In related news, the 69-year-old Sharon Teeter who claimed that Trump supporter 73-year-old Richard Campbell punched her in the face at a rally earlier this year now “remembers” that “he might have brushed me accidentally.” It seems that her memory was enhanced by her identification as a Democratic Party operative on the Veritas video of Foval calling her “one of our trained political activists.”

Administration Promises Saudis it Will “Fix” 9/11 Victims Law

Still smarting from a Congressional override of his veto of the Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act, a law that allows victims of the 9/11 jihadi attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon the right to sue foreign governments that aided the terrorists, President Obama has ordered Secretary of State John Kerry to work out a scheme with the government of Saudi Arabia to nullify the law.

In a meeting held this week, Kerry assured Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir that “we will figure out how we can adjust the law in a way that is mutually satisfactory to both our governments.”

Al-Jubeir warned that “numerous countries are looking at reciprocal measures to retaliate against this affront to Islam. If the Americans think that the alleged puny assistance my country may or may not have provided to the 9/11 attackers warrants this disproportionate response just let me remind them that there is much much more we could’ve done or might do in the future to make their lives miserable.”

The implied threat that Saudi Arabia might join the ranks of those Islamic nations openly financing terrorists moved Kerry to contend that “a compromise is essential if we are to avert a blood bath we are not prepared to rebuff. The wiser course is to accept the lesser evil of the ‘pin-prick’ attacks that we have seen since 9/11 than to provoke the enmity of our long-time Saudi allies.”

Madonna Makes an Offer

Included in her introduction of comedian Amy Schumer at a New York City performance, pop star Madonna told the audience that “if you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blow job.” It was not clear whether this was an inducement or a threat.

Audience member Richard Long of Queens found the prospect appealing. “Madonna said she’s not a douche and that she swallows,” Long pointed out. “That’s classy. Hillary’s got my vote.”

In contrast, audience member Anne Chester of Manhattan wondered “whether this is the kind of thing a Clinton supporter ought to be saying. Look at all the trouble Trump got himself into for his lewd talk. I mean, blow jobs from Monica are what got President Clinton impeached. It makes you wonder which side is more tawdry.”

For her part, Schumer saw the offer as “f*cking fantastic” and predicted that “there’ll be a stampede of guys who were going to vote for Trump racing to get in line for their turn to be serviced by a true artist.”

Obamacare in “Transition Phase”

Health insurance premium hikes and dwindling service alternatives under the Affordable Care Act were described by President Obama as “a transition phase of the program.”

Right now a lot of people are whining about having to pay more or having no choice of doctors or plans where they live,” Obama remarked. “All of these complaints originate from a selfish individual perspective. Sure, some isolated individuals may have to pay more and get less, but in the more crucial issue of our progress toward collective social justice we are on track.”

Before Obamacare, annual family premiums for employer-provided coverage cost an average of $13,000. This year those premiums are $18,000. For next year the already over-priced health plans mandated by the ACA have been authorized to jack up payments the insured must bear by 20% to 90% in various locations around the country. On top of these boosted prices, typical $5,000 annual deductibles result in most basically healthy individuals essentially getting zero benefits.

Meanwhile, the President’s unilateral and unauthorized multi-billion dollar bailouts of selected health insurance companies have not been sufficient to prevent a continued cascade of exits from the market by these companies. The resulting decline of options has been characterized as “a simplification that has spared many the difficult task of evaluating medical services that are really beyond their competence to evaluate,” said Secretary of Health and Human Services Sylvia Burwell. “Few are qualified to to assess what they need and how to get it. By pealing off the excess suppliers the ACA has lightened the burden of choosing for millions.”

Despite the unfavorable trends overtaking the ACA, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has vowed “to make it better.” One of her proposed improvements is to make illegal aliens eligible for enrollment in the program. “Right now there are 30 million individuals living in the shadows because of their undefined immigration status,” she declared. “Making them eligible for health care is the humane thing to do.” The financial problems will be overcome “by the injection of money” obtained from “increased taxes on those who can afford it.”

In other health news, a Democratic National Committee tour bus was caught illegally dumping human waste from its on-board toilet onto a Lawrenceville, Georgia street this week. The DNC issued an apology for what it claimed was “an honest mistake. We had no idea that dumping hazardous waste onto a street could be illegal.”

Libertarian Bewails “Double Standard”

Libertarian presidential candidate and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson complained about the media’s “double standard” after they ignored Hillary Clinton’s geographic inaccuracy regarding Mosul while lampooning him as “an ignorant dope” when he failed to recognize “Aleppo.”

I wasn’t Secretary of State for four years like Hillary was,” he pointed out. “I was peacefully minding my own business. Why should I be expected to know such minutia? But she is the one who supposed to be the world’s smartest woman. She is the one who never ceases to remind us that she’s got 30 years of experience in government. If she’s so smart and experienced why doesn’t she know where Mosul is?”

MCNBC interviewer Mike Barnicle, who ambushed Johnson with the Aleppo question back in September defended the double standard saying that “Hillary Clinton’s bona fidesare not in dispute. She has already been thoroughly vetted by every major news outlet. We are confident that she knows what she is talking about even if she messes up. Johnson or Trump, on the other hand are the outsiders whose suitability for governing is questioned by every reputable source. Consequently, every misstep by these guys warrants our skepticism.”

In related news, President Obama forgave Hillary for revealing classified information on nuclear response times during her debate with Donald Trump Wednesday night. “These ‘senior moments’ are something that anyone of her age might experience,” he said. “I’m confident there was no intent to illegally divulge this information. Besides, even if our adversaries are aware that it takes four minutes to initiate a retaliatory nuclear strike I don’t see what advantage they’d gain by having that knowledge. So I forgive her and urge voters to make her our next president.”

Hillary “Horrified” by Trump’s Abortion Comments

At this week’s debate, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton professed herself “horrified” by GOP rival Donald Trump’s denunciation of partial-birth abortions as “ripping babies out of the womb” and criticizing the practice as “terrible” and “unacceptable.”

Granted, the elimination of these near term fetuses is a gruesome procedure,” she admitted. “But what’s more gruesome is Trump’s attempt to use these tragic medical interventions as a scare tactic to overturn the rights established by Roe v. Wade. For too long state legislatures across the country unfairly prohibited or restricted a woman’s right to an abortion. Fortunately, in 1973 the Supreme Court courageously stepped in to overrule these states. They didn’t let rigid adherence to out-dated notions of separation of powers deter them from voiding clearly unjust legislation.”

Trump found fault with Clinton’s position and averred that “the role of the Court is to enforce the Constitution and laws made legislatures. It is not authorized to make new laws if it is dissatisfied with what the people’s elected representatives have done.” Trump pledged that he would appoint judges who “will be pro-life,” “have a conservative bent,” and “interpret the constitution the way the founders wanted it interpreted.”

Clinton rebutted Trump’s position by pointing out that “the number of individuals harmed by partial-birth abortions is tiny compared to the millions of women who have benefited from the Court’s reinterpretation. Rather than try to rehash this issue it is time that we all adjust to the fact that the right to an abortion is now settled law and move forward instead of backward.”

In related debate news, Hillary defended using her role as Secretary of State to enrich herself, her husband, and the Clinton Foundation, insisting that “everything I did as secretary of state was in furtherance of our country’s interests and our values. That I and my family have prospered while I was doing that is what I would call ‘collateral benefits.’ I see no harm that it was a ‘win-win’ outcome.”

Media Assails Trump’s “Wait and See” Stance on Election

The broadcast news “talking heads” went into hysterics following Republican presidential contender Donald Trump’s refusal to automatically concede on election night if it looks like the votes go against him. On CNN, the commentators proclaimed Trump’s stance “a threat to our democracy.” All professed to have never heard such a statement at any previous presidential debate. Which is true because no other candidate was ever asked this question.

Whether Trump might have good reason to wait until he sees the election results for himself seems to be supported by several facts. On the one hand, there have been a number of pieces of evidence suggesting that fraud may play a significant role in deciding the outcome. The Wikileaks’ publication of DNC emails that detailed how the Democratic Party leadership rigged the primaries against Bernie Sanders is a veritable “smoking gun” from the current election cycle. The Veritas videos exposing DNC-financed efforts to commit fraud also make a compelling case for scrutinizing the returns.

On the other hand, there seems to be an ample opportunity to perpetrate fraud given the large number of invalid names on voter rolls. Nearly two million deceased persons are still registered to vote. Nearly three million persons are registered to vote in more than one state. Then there’s Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta’s suggestion that non-citizens could use state-issued driver’s licenses to register and vote. And leftist judges have voided state efforts to adopt voter ID requirements virtually everywhere except Indiana, where Democratic dirty tricks expert Scott Foval says “it’s easy to cheat.”

The same media that castigates Trump’s reluctance to simply accept the November media-reported outcome as final hypocritically defended 2000 Democratic presidential candidate Vice-President Al Gore’s refusal to accept the reported outcome on election day. Instead, he embarked on a legal challenge that took over a month to resolve.

President Obama tried to put it all into perspective by characterizing Trump’s objections as “whining. Nothing different is going on now. Every other Republican has accepted the verdict on election day, even though GOP complaints about election shenanigans have always been part of the rhetoric. His inability to take it like a man is further proof of his unfitness. I’m not surprised that genuine Republicans have universally condemned Trump’s caterwauling and sought to distance themselves from him.”

Whether Obama should have any credibility on this issue is in serious doubt. Bob Creamer, one of the architects of the long-running election fraud scheme uncovered by Project Veritas, visited the Obama White House more than 300 times and met with the President more than 40 times. However, Press Secretary Josh Earnest discounted the significance of these meetings because “the President is not the kind of person who would condone the kind of ‘dirty tricks’ of which Mr. Creamer is accused.”

In related news, Ohio Governor John Kasich (R) called Trump’s fear that the election could be rigged “ridiculous. My good friend George Soros’ company owns about half of the voting machines that will be used and he assures me that the election will be fair.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

Clinton Campaign Calls Wikileaks ‘Violation of Constitutional Rights’

y  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnThe flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clinton for President campaign.

“Lest anyone forget, let me remind them that these emails were purloined surreptitiously and illegally,” campaign manager Robby Mook complained. “By invading the privacy of people actively supporting Secretary Clinton’s election they have been forced to unwillingly testify against themselves. This compelled testimony is as flagrant a violation of the Constitution’s guarantee against self-incrimination as we have ever seen in a political campaign in our nation’s history.”

Among the revelations contained in the Wikileaks’ document release were emails disclosing that Hillary herself was the one who deleted the missing 33,000 work-related emails, that Phillipe Reines, then Senior Adviser to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton suggested ways of obstructing the handing over the emails that had been subpoenaed, and that Clinton campaign spokesman Brian Fallon was receiving illegal inside information on the Department of Justice investigation of Hillary’s email security breaches.

Mook likened the Wikileaks operation to “the illegal wiretaps that police sometimes tried to use against suspected members of organized crime. The courts have always tossed this kind of evidence and we are fully confident that they will toss any emails obtained without the writers’ freely given consent if this matter ever goes to trial, which is something I doubt President Obama would allow.”

In the meantime, Mook expressed gratitude that “the nation’s major media outlets have pretty effectively tossed the Wikileaks garbage out of the ‘court of public opinion.’ They realize that there is no need to get voters stirred up over events that should have no bearing on the upcoming election. What’s done is done. The bigger issue is whether this country will permit a person as unfit as Donald Trump to become president.”

Interestingly, a significant number of the emails exposed by Wikileaks revealed a close coordination between the Clinton campaign and the supposedly “objective” media. Nevertheless, Mook brushed this aside as “irrelevant,” claiming that “it should be no mystery that those who believe in truth and justice would share a common interest in determining who should run the government.”

In related news, another email exposed by Wikileaks showed former Clinton administration official Bill Ivey advising Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta to “conspire to produce an unaware and compliant citizenry,” but warned that “the unawareness remains strong, but compliance is fading rapidly. This problem demands some serious thinking and demographically-inspired messaging.”

Wikileaks Exposes Democrats’ Disdain for Catholicism, Latinos & Blacks

One of the latest batches of emails made public by Wikileaks revealed that key Clinton supporters have expressed low opinions of Catholic doctrines. Clinton campaign communications director Jennifer Palmieri labeled them “backwards.” Center for American Progress (a public policy advocacy organization founded by Hillary Clinton’s 2016 Campaign Director John Podesta) senior fellow John Halpin called conservative interpretations of the religion “an amazing bastardization of the faith.” And Podesta has been working with billionaire financier of left-wing causes George Soros to promote a “Catholic Spring” modeled on the “Arab Spring” that has successfully replaced the secular government of Egypt with jihadi fanatics.

Julie Roginsky, a Democratic strategist, appeared on Fox News to defend the disdain, saying that “reform of the Catholic Church is long overdue. The majority of Catholics disagree with the hierarchy’s positions on abortion and same-sex marriage. Why shouldn’t the Democratic Party assist this majority to throw off the shackles of an erroneous dogma and rewrite beliefs using a majority rule approach?”

Roginsky hailed the Obama Administration’s progress “in breaking down out-dated thinking that would bar the government from funding pregnancy termination services that benefit women of all faiths. Churches must not be allowed to refuse to participate. Religious rigidity must yield to social justice. We have elections to select those who govern us. These elections give moral weight to the policies that are decreed by the government. It is everyone’s obligation to submit to the rules laid down by the president and the courts.”

“There is no downside for the Democratic Party from these Wikileaks disclosures,” Roginsky insisted. “First of all, few people will see or hear of the comments made in these emails. Second, whatever scraps of information do sneak through will be filtered and interpreted by our allies in the media. Finally, polls show that the majority of Catholics are with us on this. So, I think that’ll be game, set, and match for Hillary Clinton and the entire Democratic slate up and down the ballot.”

Another Podesta email lamented the necessity of having to deal with “needy Latinos. All we want are their votes, not their policy ideas. Hillary knows how to govern. These amateurs need to play the role we’ve already laid out for them.” Podesta also took a swipe at blacks calling them “never-do-wells who fare badly almost irrespective of circumstances. Luckily, they appreciate that while Democrats have sawed off the lower rungs of the ladder to success they see that we have enacted the welfare benefits that allow them to survive.”

CNN Irked at Chant

In a post-debate campaign rally GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump continued his charges of media bias by referencing the three-on-one (two moderators and Hillary Clinton vs. Trump) format of the Sunday night face-off. The crowd began chanting “CNN sucks,” much to the dismay of a few CNN “talking heads,” including Chris Cuomo, Alisyn Camerota, Brian Stelter, and Bill Carter.

Cuomo characterized the crowd response as “dangerous and unprecedented. We haven’t treated Trump any differently than any other Republican nominee. All of them—Romney, McCain, Bush—took it in stride without complaining. That Trump would make an issue out of it shows his political naivete.”

Stelter agreed saying, “this is much worse than what we’ve seen in the past. I mean, it’s not as bad as the mobs that have burned down buildings and assaulted people after cops have shot another unarmed black man, but, jeez, these are Republicans. They’re supposed to have self control.”

Camerota found “the disrespect for reporters intolerable. We are the eyes and ears of America. We bring the news into everyone’s home. Impugning our integrity as Trump has so wantonly done undermines the public’s faith in the accuracy of our reports. And as you’ve said, Chris, no Republican before Trump has ventured into this uncharted and dangerous territory.”

“You’re right Alisyn, we are the ‘fourth estate,” Cuomo asserted. “Trump’s irresponsible attack on our objectivity threatens the very foundation upon which our way of life depends. Something bad is going to happen and it will be all his fault.”

RAF Has “Green Light” to Fire on Russian Jets

The risky nature of the United States’ entanglement in the Syrian civil war ratcheted up a notch when pilots of our NATO ally, the United Kingdom, were given the okay to shoot down Russian fighter aircraft if they feel threatened by them.

Current Secretary of State John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have both spoken of the “need to confront Russia” in Syria. At last Sunday’s presidential debate Clinton contrasted her strong stance in support of a “no fly zone” in Syria with presidential rival Donald Trump’s “cowardly preference for avoiding the steps necessary to counter this nation’s chief adversary.”

For his part, Trump questioned the logic of the US policy in the region. In his view the main adversary is ISIS. He went on to suggest that the United States and Russia joining as allies to fight these terrorists might be the more sensible course of action. “I know that our two countries have had differences,” Trump said. “We may not see eye to eye on some things, but Russia seems civilized compared to the Islamic terrorists who bomb innocent civilians, behead hostages, stone women who object to being raped, and throw homosexuals off of high rise buildings.”

This weekend President Obama and his top foreign policy advisers have scheduled a meeting to discuss options for dealing with the Syrian military crisis. One option entails US bombing of Syrian military deployments. The downside of exercising this option is the co-mingling of Russian and Syrian forces in the target zone. “No one likes the optics of US planes bombing Russian troops,” said a source requesting anonymity. “It would be orders of magnitude worse than the Cuban missile crisis that almost led to nuclear war in 1962.” Clearer heads are said to be favoring providing more weapons to the al-Qaeda forces opposing the Assad regime that governs Syria.

As if this weren’t unsettling enough, the US Air Force has been practicing simulated nuclear bomb missions in the Nevada desert. In one test run B-2 bombers dropped a pair of dummy 700-pound warheads. Over at Langley, the CIA is prepping a covert cyber attack designed to harass and embarrass the Russian government.

Meanwhile, Russia has ordered relatives of government officials living abroad to return home. “This is all part of the package of measures to prepare elites for some big war,” said Russian political analyst Stanislav Belkovsky.

Former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev concurred, “I think the world has reached a dangerous point. I don’t want to give any concrete prescriptions, but I do want to say that this needs to stop. It is necessary to return to the main priorities. These are nuclear disarmament, the fight against terrorism, and the prevention of an environmental disaster.”

Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein found the deteriorating situation “ominous. We may be closer to nuclear war than ever. That the Obama Administration and the Clinton campaign appear ready to escalate further is pure insanity. Though it pains me to say it, after watching the latest debate, it looks like Trump was the one with his head on straight on this issue.”

In related news, it appears that the $1.7 billion in ransom paid to Iran for the release of four hostages earlier this year was used to fund the missiles used by an Iranian-backed terror cell in Yemen to attack a U.S. Navy ship in the Red Sea this week. Press Secretary Josh Earnest maintained that “there’s no way to tell whether is was the same money or not. But even if it was, Iran is a sovereign nation and has every right to spend its resources as it deems best for its people.”

Clinton Boasts of Diverting Funds from Terrorists

In one of the Clinton emails Wikileaks published this week former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton acknowledged that American “allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIL (ISIS) and other radical Sunni groups in the region.”

Qatar and Saudi Arabia have also been very generous to the Clintons. Back in August they each ponied up a million dollars as a birthday present for former President Bill Clinton. Far from being embarrassed, Clinton boasted that “this represents $2 million that was diverted from funding terrorists. I challenge Trump to prove he has diverted a single cent from going to terrorists.”

The birthday gift isn’t the only generosity displayed by the Clintons’ Middle Eastern friends. After receiving a $10 million donation to the Clinton Foundation from Saudi Arabia in 2011, Hillary Clinton approved a $29 billion sale of advanced fighter jets to that nation.

While the sale to the Saudis was the single biggest sale, it wasn’t the only one she approved under questionable circumstances. In total she authorized over $160 billion in sales to Middle Eastern countries that her own State Department had criticized for human rights abuses, corruption, and aiding terrorists. The only saving grace was that these countries had donated a total of more than $50 million to the Clinton Foundation.

One supposes that “diverting” $50 million from being handed over to terrorists is a good thing. But perhaps arming the nations that help sponsor terror with $160 billion in the latest weapons is not a good thing.

More Democrat Election Fraud

In two new undercover videos obtained by Project Veritas Democratic Party workers openly talked about “dirty tricks.”

In Florida, Wylie Mao, a field organizer for the Clinton campaign said that ripping up registration forms from Republicans would be “cool strategy. It works on several levels. Every Republican we sign up can be completely neutralized as a voting threat. He thinks we’ve turned in his registration form. So he doesn’t go and register with the County Recorder on his own. He tootles along until election day when he tries to vote. Since his name isn’t on the official list the best he can do is cast a ‘provisional ballot’ that will later be discarded. It’s another win for the good guys.”

In New York, Alan Schulkin, the New York Democratic commissioner of the Board of Elections, confirmed that  vote fraud “is organized and widespread. Party workers will load up buses with volunteers who will be driven to different precincts to cast the ballots of people registered but not voting because they are dead or no longer living in the area.” Schulkin disapproved of the fraud and blamed it on “Mayor DeBlasio’s edict to issue non-verifiable ID cards to any person who asks for one. There’s no vetting of any of these people. Anyone can get as many ID cards for as many different identities as he wants. I think this effectively eliminates an honest election in this city.”

In related news, a leaked strategy memo from the Pennsylvania Democratic Party outlined the activities of a “Black Pod” operation. The activities include stealing Trump/Pence yard signs, posting Clinton/Kaine signs without the homeowner’s consent, and vandalizing cars that have Trump bumper stickers “to create a psychological climate unfavorable to such displays.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

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