Pelosi Warns of an American Holocaust

By  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnA Bureau of Labor Statistics report indicating that more than 900,000 have left the ranks of the leisure class and joined the workforce since Trump’s inauguration was cast as “the start of an American holocaust” by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif).

“Mr. Trump’s repeated threat to put America back to work has insidiously intimidated nearly a million of the 90 million who are currently not in the workforce to take jobs for fear that they would be sent to government labor camps,” she contended. “This fear is further proof of the validity of our contention that the Trump Administration is taking its marching orders from the Russians. Government labor camps for the purpose of working political dissidents to death are a Russian invention. That Trump would threaten to institute such an atrocity here is why we need to impeach him before the human cost becomes unbearable.”

“The premise that these people want to work is the big lie,” Pelosi argued. “Work is a disutility. People only do it if they have no choice. Those who have courageously broken free of the social myth that somehow work is an obligation must not be coerced into conformity. The gains made over the last eight years in liberating millions from wage slavery must not be undone.”

In related news, Pelosi mocked Trump’s pizza and bowling efforts to build good will with members of Congress as “way below the threshold needed to garner our attention, much less cooperation with his agenda. Millions of dollars from our Party’s donors are out-bidding his feeble gestures.”

UK Proposal to Send Refugees Home Assailed by UN Official

A United Kingdom proposal to send refugees back to their home countries if conditions there improve was assailed by UN Secretary General António Guterres as “contrary to basic human rights.”

“The Earth belongs to all people,” Guterres asserted. “No government, no person has the right to block any other person from choosing which portion of our common inheritance he wishes to occupy.”

UK Prime Minister Theresa May defended her proposal, saying “we took these people in as a humanitarian gesture because their homelands are wracked by war. Their insistence on maintaining the culture from which they came implies a desire to return rather than adapt to our culture. If the wars they were fleeing are brought to an end and it is safe for them to be repatriated I see no reason why they shouldn’t be sent home.”

“Humanity began in Africa,” Guterres observed. “All the rest of the world is populated by migrants. Ms. May is in no position to assume ownership of the British Isles and has no right to evict anyone against his will. Even if the place the refugees departed is declared safe it may not be an adequate condition from the refugees’ perspective. None of their home countries provide the social benefits for which they qualify in the United Kingdom. Forcing them to leave a situation where housing, food, and income are provided at no cost to them robs these migrants of their human entitlements. Every enlightened human being must condemn this planned anti-social and oppressive act.”

Guterres was undeterred by a report from the Center for Immigration Studies that found that resettling a refugee from the Middle East in the US costs 12 times as much as housing them in a neighboring Middle Eastern country, saying that it supports his position that “the desire to send these refugees back to their home countries stems from greed. Ousting a person because it would cost too much to keep him is pure selfishness.”

In related news, Guterres rejected criticism of Pakistan’s treatment of women—93 percent of Pakistani women have experienced sexual violence—saying that “as I understand it, Islam’s Quran instructs men to discipline their wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers, including beating them when necessary. If we are to respect religious freedom we must not judge nor interfere with their beliefs no matter how much they may differ from own own.”

FBI Director Declares Privacy Not a Right

Fresh off the Wikileaks revelation that the US Government is spying on everyone and his vow to complete the remaining six years of his ten year term, FBI Director James Comey blandly informed the American people that “privacy is not a right to which citizens are entitled.”

“I’m not saying that Americans don’t enjoy a considerable degree of privacy,” Comey said, “but let’s be clear, this is a privilege extended by the government to those who are not under suspicion of criminal or anti-government activities. Government has a moral right and duty to monitor everyone who might represent a threat. To carry out this duty it is imperative that no device have encryption that thwarts government surveillance—as about 40% of devices now do.”

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) cited President Trump’s objections to being wire-tapped as “prima facie evidence of his unfitness to hold office. Rather than support the surveillance that Director Comey points out is essential to fighting crime and detecting security threats, Trump is siding with this country’s enemies. If, as he says, he is innocent of any wrongdoing he should have no objection to being monitored by the FBI, CIA, NSA, or whoever is trying to keep an eye out for America.”

“Let’s be clear,” Schiff demanded. “Nowhere in the Constitution does it say citizens have a right to privacy. Nowhere in the Constitution does it say government may not spy on the population. That a man elected to the presidency would attempt to argue the opposite is, in my opinion, a cause for concern.”

Former Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), however, disagreed with Schiff, calling Comey’s view “a further precarious step on the ‘slippery slope’ toward totalitarianism. It is shocking that a government official would openly tout a virtually unrestrained invasion of privacy. It is even more shocking that the media are not vociferously opposing such a position. I’m no fan of Donald Trump, but in this case he seems to be on the right side of a critical issue.”

In related news, the US Department of Agriculture cracked down on freedom of speech at the West Michigan Beef Company. Owner Don Boon’s posting of a newspaper clipping on a break-room bulletin board defending traditional marriage elicited a USDA threat to shut down the meat-packing plant. “We were just following guidelines sent down from Secretary Vilsack,” said USDA Section Chief Lance Gooney. “If we want to stamp out prejudice we must confront it in whatever form it appears and use whatever tools we can.”

School Censors “Straight Pride” Poster

A high school student in Jasper, Indiana attempted to post a dissenting perspective on the school’s persistent indoctrination campaign regarding sexual identity. The unnamed student tacked up several “Straight Pride” posters around the school. The poster’s message: “Nobody cares about what you think you are. If you want equality, stop shoving your ideas down our throats! We have nothing against your sexual orientation. We just don’t care!”

Greater Jasper School Superintendent Tracy Lorey explained that “we want to provide students opportunities to express themselves, but this doesn’t mean that they can say whatever they want. For this one student to ask to be left alone would eviscerate the LGBT community’s right to be heard. What use is free speech if people can choose not to listen? Stories relating the difficulties and courage displayed by LGBTs are something that every Jasper student needs to hear.”

Lorey contended that “the poster’s expressed disinterest in other students’ sexual orientations is a manifestation of intolerance. He may think that he’s heard enough, that he’d like to just concentrate on his studies, but he is trying to shut himself off from a vital message. Sexual orientation is the civil rights issue of our time. Until everyone acknowledges every other person’s right to be accepted as the sex he or she wants to be accepted as at any given moment no one’s civil rights are secure.”

In other education news, the State of New York is poised to eliminate literacy tests for public school teachers. John D’Agati, deputy commissioner of the state Education Department, called the test “discriminatory and out-dated. Barely half of Hispanic teachers and fewer than half of African-American teachers can pass the test. Continuing to insist that teachers must be literate would embed racism into our standards. In this modern age of videos and non-written forms of communication it seems foolish to require teachers to master skills that likely will prove unnecessary in the future.”

Planned Parenthood Rejects Trump’s Offer

President Donald Trump’s offer to agree to continued federal funding of Planned Parenthood if the organization would stop performing abortions was firmly rejected by Dawn Laguens, Planned Parenthood’s executive vice president and chief brand officer.

“We are the largest single provider of abortions in America,” Laguens pointed out. “Abortion is our largest single activity. It is the main thing our clientele knows about us. For us to abandon this service would be like stabbing our customers and supporters in the back. No amount of money will divorce us from our values.”

Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards echoed Laguens’ remarks, emphasizing that “we are proud to provide abortions. We will not be dissuaded from continuing this vital mission. The $500 million that Trump threatens to withhold is tiny compared to the returns we have earned by terminating unwanted pregnancies and recycling the salvaged biomaterial.”

In related news, former Democratic National Committee chair and Vermont Governor Howard Dean predicted that “Trump will pay a steep political price for this heavy-handed attempt to besmirch a revered national organization. The voters that oppose abortion are dying off. The younger generation is heavily invested in preserving the right to terminate the undesired offspring of their sexual liaisons. Democrats will beat him over the head with this issue in 2018 and 2020, should he foolishly choose to seek reelection.”

Obama AG Encourages Anti-Trump Rioters

Former Attorney General Loretta Lynch praised anti-Trump demonstrators for “the courage they have shown by their willingness to bleed and shed blood for the progressive cause. Some have died in this opening phase of the fight against the fascism that has gripped our nation since January 20th.”

As if in response, leftist Antifa agitators assaulted pro-Trump demonstrators in Berkeley last weekend—burning a “free speech” sign, stealing MAGA hats, and bloodying noses. Lynch hailed the attacks as “a promising sign that the revolution won’t be constrained by bourgeois morality. Instead of cowering in fear, socially aware youths are cracking heads in a way Marx would’ve approved.” Surprisingly, most of these “proud social warriors” wore masks during their criminal rampage.

Lynch’s words were re-posted on Facebook on the Senate Democrats page where they were lauded as “words of inspiration” by a commenter that averred “it’s time we start killing people if we want to be taken serious.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Obama to Receive ‘Profiles in Courage’ Award

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnThe Kennedy Presidential Library’s annual “Profiles in Courage” Award for 2017 will go to former President Barack Obama. The Award, named after the 1957 Pulitzer Prize winning book ghost written for then Massachusetts Democratic Sen. John F. Kennedy, is given to individuals displaying extraordinary political courage by taking an unpopular course of action. The award ceremony will take place in May, when former First Daughter Caroline Kennedy and grandson of the late JFK, Jack Schlossberg, bestow the prize.

Faced with unrelenting adulation and widespread demands that he declare himself ‘president for life,’ President Obama courageously agreed to follow the law and step down after two terms,” Schlossberg said. “This gracious emulation of our nation’s first chief executive put him at odds with the majority of Americans who clearly would have supported his continuation in office as a down payment on the reparations for slavery that he has championed during his political career. That he would exit the presidency in a move that his core constituency would characterize as ‘acting white’ demonstrated an ‘off-the-charts’ level of personal fortitude.”

Obama is the third former president to win the award. In 2001, former President Gerald Ford was honored for the unconditional pardon he granted to Richard Nixon in 1974 for “all offenses that has committed or may have committed or taken part in” while president. In 2014, former President George H.W. Bush was honored for joining with Democrats to break his 1988 campaign pledge of “no new taxes.”

The speed with which the “Profiles in Courage” award was made to Obama mirrored that of his winning the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009. Ironically, the United States was constantly at war for his eight years as president when bragged that he was “really good at killing people” with drone strikes. Schlossberg expressed confidence that there wouldn’t be any similar embarrassment over the “Profiles” award since “the refusal to seize power can’t be undone now that he has surrendered the reins to his successor.”

French Candidate Targeted by EU Parliament

The European Parliament cleared the way for the French government to prosecute populist candidate for the presidency, Marine LePen, for her 2015 tweet of “terroristic images.” The images showed ISIS atrocities. If convicted, LePen could be imprisoned for up to three years and fined 75,000 Euros.

LePen, who has been highly critical of the virtually unrestricted immigration of Muslims into France, assailed the EU’s actions, calling them “yet more proof of everything we’ve been saying. The government’s misguided attempts to be compassionate have endangered the lives of our citizens and pose a threat to our nation’s survival. Right now, swaths of our cities have been turned into backward Hellholes where French men and women dare not set foot lest they be assaulted, raped, or killed by Muslim thugs.”

The refugees from Africa and the Middle East make no effort to learn our culture and minimal effort to obey our laws,” LePen said. “They replicate the squalid and violent conditions of the homelands they are fleeing. They boast of the day when they will outnumber us and Islamify the entire country. If it is to be illegal for us to point out the danger we are laying the groundwork for our subjugation and massacre by these aliens and their murderous ideology.”

EU Member of Parliament Laura Ferrara contended that “Ms. LePen is only making matters worse by her repeated defamation of this religious minority. The handwriting has been on the wall for some time now. Europeans do not reproduce at a high enough rate to fend off the inundation of our land and culture by the more fecund Muslim immigrants. Inciting them will not save us. Submitting to the will of Allah will. If all the world is for Islam the terror will cease. We will all be part of the umma and be entitled to the common respect all Muslims pay to each other.”

The kind of respect Ms. Ferrara can expect as a Muslim female seems dubious. Further, despite the rhetoric, Muslims do a lot of fighting among themselves. Many of the victims of ISIS brutality are Muslims deemed insufficiently compliant with the group’s rigid expectations for obedience. Making the whole world Muslim is more likely to permanently institutionalize terror than abolish it.

In related news, Syrian refugees living in Modum, a small municipality in the south of Norway, complain that the modest apartments provided to them free-of-charge are inadequate. “We are Muslims,” Abdulhadi Alkhalaf pointed out. “We are entitled by our faith to accommodations superior to those enjoyed by the unbelievers. We demand suitably-sized houses be provided.”

Governor Vetoes Investigation of Vote Fraud

Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D-Va) vetoed a bill that would have prompted investigations in counties where the number of persons registered to vote exceeded the total number of citizens eligible to vote. The Governor defended his veto, saying that “the right to vote is a fundamental human right. Republican attempts to limit this right based on country of origin is inherently racist and unfair.”

The bill’s sponsor, Sen. Mark Obenshain (R-Harrisonburg), called the Governor’s action “outrageous. Voting is a civil right exercised by the citizens of this state. Immigrants need to go through the procedures laid out in the law to become citizens before they register and cast ballots. Waiving this requirement as the Governor would have us do dilutes the civil rights of every lawful voter.”

McAuliffe derided Obenshain’s position. “The onerous process of naturalization is one that few native-born citizens could accomplish,” McAuliffe maintained. “I don’t see the ‘diluting’ the votes of ignorant natives as a negative. Immigrants, especially those in the country without proper documentation, have as great an interest in the government programs providing them with benefits as anyone. Their voices deserve to be heard. Voting is the way to ensure that they are heard.”

Trump Speech Rankles Democrats

President Donald Trump’s speech to Congress this week rankled key Democrats. While some, including CNN’s Van Jones saw it as “presidential” in tone, others, including Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) insisted it was “detached from reality. The real Trump is a snarling, mean-spirited hater. This speech was an attempt to conceal that reality behind a tired call for the country to unite behind a common goal to make America great.”

He says he wants to work with Democrats, but he hasn’t reached out to us,” Schumer complained. “Everything is about his promises to the American people. Well, more than half the American voters favored his opponent. Until he recognizes and accommodates this reality we will have to try to block him every step of the way.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) took a similar stance. “The notion that Trump can make America great by reversing the policies of President Obama is ludicrous,” she asserted. “Promising to put people back to work may serve the interests of the rednecks who voted for Trump, but it has got to be scary for the tens of millions relieved of this onus by the increased government benefits the Democratic Administration gave them. When the government gives you a place to live and food to eat do you still really want to be put to work at some soul-numbing job?”

Pelosi praised “the courage of my fellow Democrats who vocally expressed their displeasure with Trump’s new Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement proposal. Now is not the time for initiating a new entitlement for what has got to be a tiny minority, especially when the immigrants who will have to bear the brunt of his deportation scheme are far more numerous. Even worse, his proposed ‘merit-based’ approach to immigration would block the most needy while selfishly allowing a preferential treatment to the smaller self-sustaining and productive fraction of those wanting to come to our country.”

In related news, Trump’s preference for having his steak well-done and eating it with ketchup repulsed gourmets around the globe. “Putting ketchup on a steak is something a child would do,” Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) observed. “Can we really abide having a person of such inappropriate tastes as the leader of the free world? When we add his reluctance to go to war with Russia, I think we must seriously reconsider his fitness to lead.”

Dems May Look to “Transracials” to Boost Non-White Staff

Struggling to make the racial composition of staffers more closely resemble the general population, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is urging more of the 93% who are Caucasian “to look deep into themselves to see if they may be Black, Latino, or Muslim.”

We have made great strides incorporating transsexuals into the workforce to help boost the female cohort of our staff,” Schumer remarked. “This got me to thinking that there must be a contingent of transracials out there who could help us meet our non-white quota. Maybe Rachel Dolezal was out ahead of the curve on this. I mean, the people that mocked her for declaring herself to be Black may have missed the boat. Who’s to say she is wrong? If a person with a penis can declare himself a woman, then why can’t a person with pale skin declare himself Black? There’s probably more physical evidence for a white person being biologically part Black than there is for a man being part woman.”

Meanwhile, the woman formerly known as Rachel Dolezal has finalized her transition to Black by adopting the name Nkechi Amare Diallo—a West African name that means “gift of god.” Perhaps if more of the Congressional staffers were to simply adopt African names the concerns of Sen. Schumer would be assuaged.

A Satirical Look at Recent News 

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

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Montana Governor Blocks Right to Bear Arms

By  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnMontana Governor Steve Bullock (D) vetoed legislation that would have made the state a “Constitutional carry” state. That is, individuals would be permitted to exercise their right to bear arms as defined in the US Constitution’s Second Amendment without having to obtain state or local government permission to do so.

In his veto message, Bullock declared that “the idea that an individual is qualified to determine whether he needs to carry a firearm is absurd. Selfish concern for self-preservation at the expense of broader social goals must not derail sensible gun control. Right now, far too many people have guns. We ought to be culling the herd of individuals who the state decides do not need these weapons.”

“The police have enough weapons to protect the people who are essential members of society,” the Governor asserted. “If more private individuals start carrying it would dilute the government’s ability to focus the use of deadly force in a more socially just and effective manner.”

“As for the tired argument that individuals might need these weapons to defend their lives and property, I say nonsense,” Bullock said. “First, no one has the right to shoot another person over a piece of property. Just because a person possesses that property doesn’t refute someone else’s claim to it. Those dispossessed by an unjust society may be more entitled to it than the person they are supposedly ‘robbing.’ If both parties are armed the violence would be escalated. Granted, it would be preferable for the dispossessed to wait for government to effect the transfer, but I blame archaic laws for their impatience.”

Trump Rescinds Obama Edict on Bathrooms

President Trump’s Executive Order rescinding President Obama’s Executive Order commanding federally funded institutions to permit individuals to use the bathrooms of the sex they imagine themselves to be sparked outrage from the gender-confused and their advocates.

Illinois Democratic gubernatorial aspirant J.B. Pritzker used Trump’s action to solidify his credentials to the deranged base of the Party by advocating that “everyone should use the other gender’s bathroom as a protest against Trump’s tyranny.”

Pritzker’s ploy was criticized by Illinois State Rep. Will Guzzardi (D-Chicago) as “missing the point of the Obama edict. Knowingly using the bathroom of the ‘other gender’ contradicts the intent of the directive. Urging a man who believes he is a woman to use the bathroom of the ‘other gender’ would guide him to the men’s room. This exacerbates the biological injustice already inflicted on that person.”

Olympic champion transgender Caitlyn Jenner called Trump’s move “devastating. The option of entering restrooms or locker rooms of the gender to which a person may contemplate switching is an important way of gathering data that could help determine whether to make the switch or not. Finding out whether you would be comfortable within previously off-limits environments seems to me to be a necessary step in identifying one’s own sexual orientation.”

CNN talking head Chris Cuomo characterized Trump’s approach as “a return to bigotry. The right would like to emphasize a ‘worst case’ scenario where perverts feign transgenderism in order to gawk at or molest young girls. These girls and their over-protective fathers need to get over their prejudices against showering with people they think are men just because they have a man’s anatomy. Those trapped in the wrong body are the most oppressed members of society. The government needs to do everything it can to lift them out of their misery. By negating President Obama’s grant of protective status for them Trump is on the wrong side of history.”

Presidential Press Secretary Sean Spicer ridiculed the hyperventilation over the issue saying that “all the President did was rescind his predecessor’s illegal imposition of a rule for which there is no legal authority. The US Constitution does not grant the federal government the power to decree who may use which bathroom. The 9th and 10th Amendments clearly reserve this power to the people and the states. We are merely removing a turd left behind by a usurpation that ought never to have occurred.”

Mexico Has Plan to Counter Trump’s Wall

Angry that US President Trump has deviated from twenty years of “benign neglect” in response to illegal immigration, the Mexican government bragged that it has “an inexpensive countermeasure that will completely neutralize Mr. Trump’s highly touted wall.”

Foreign Minister Luis Videgaray maintained that “simple economics will defeat all of his attempts to stop our people from reclaiming what is rightfully ours. There is no way Mr. Trump can neutralize the prosperity in America that gives virtually every Mexican the incentive to go to America. As long as my country can continue policies that assure the wealth gap will remain, the flow northward will be unending.”

“On a tactical level, a wall is an insufficient barrier,” Videgaray continued. “We will build ladders and catapults to carry people and drugs over it. These will cost us little compared to what the Americans will pay to build the thing. The billions they spend will be in vain.”

Sweden in Throes of Islamic Crime Wave

Sweden has long been admired by the left as a model society. This Scandinavian “Eden” has avoided getting embroiled in foreign wars. They were even able to get along with the Nazis when so many other countries couldn’t. Their socially tolerant attitudes led them to admit hundreds of thousands of Muslim immigrants.

This past week, US President Donald Trump referenced “what’s going on in Sweden” in support of his efforts to exercise greater scrutiny over who is allowed into America. The media characterized Trump’s statement as “false” or “delusional” since there have been no large scale jihadi terrorist attacks in Sweden.

However, large scale attacks aren’t the only dangerous consequence of Sweden’s generosity toward Muslim immigrants. Since allowing hundreds of thousands of them into the country crime rates have soared, the streets have become unsafe, and frequent disorder has become a mounting problem.

Per Jimmie Akesson and Mattias Karlsson, leaders of the Swedish Democrats Party, sided with Trump. “The situation is worse than he portrayed in his speech,” Karlsson contended. “Police officers, firefighters and ambulance personnel are regularly attacked. Anti-Semitism has risen. Jews in are threatened, harassed and assaulted in the streets. Cars left unguarded are routinely set on fire. Muslim men comprise 2% of the population in Sweden, but commit 77% of the rapes. The government officials who brought this on with their careless immigration policies are in a state of denial about the Hell they’ve unleashed on our citizens.”

Sweden’s justice and migration minister Morgan Johansson denounced Akesson and Karlsson for spreading what he insisted was “an inaccurate and unflattering picture of our country. The damage done to tourism from these unwanted reports of immigrant unrest goes far beyond the damage done by the Muslim rioters and criminals. Millions, perhaps billions, in revenues are at stake if this view is allowed to influence people’s decision to visit Sweden. I can think of no punishment too severe for what these two have done.”

Of course, Sweden isn’t the only European country to have suffered from excessive Muslim immigration. Germany’s domestic security and intelligence agency reports that the number of radical Islamists in the country has risen by over 1500% since 2013. In Denmark, a Dane is going on trial for blasphemy because he burned a Koran. The Danish government defended the action as “essential if we hope to head off the kind of rioting that occurred after a Danish newspaper published cartoons lampooning Muhammad in 2005. It is better that one man be publicly punished for this offense than that thousands suffer another outbreak of religious violence.”

California Senator Silenced for Disrespecting Tom Hayden

After the California legislature memorialized former State Senator Tom Hayden, who died last October, Sen. Janet Nguyen (R-Garden Grove) attempted to offer another perspective on the former 1960s radical anti-war agitator. Presiding Sen. Ricardo Lara (D-Bell Gardens) ordered her to shut up and when she wouldn’t, had her physically removed from the senate chamber.

“I realize that many of the senators who honored the late Sen. Hayden may have been ignorant of his role in prolonging the Vietnam War and enabling the Communists to kill millions of my former countrymen,” Nguyen said. “Rather than let his misdeeds go down the memory hole I wanted a few minutes to offer a balanced account of the role he played.”

Lara dismissed GOP contentions that not allowing Nguyen’s remarks constituted unwarranted censorship. “Words must be worthy of being heard before they can be permitted to be spoken,” he argued. “To many in the Democratic Party Hayden was a hero. Nothing Sen. Nguyen could say would change that. Clearly, granting her leave to speak would’ve been a waste of our time no matter how brief her remarks may have been.”

In other California news, facing a $2 billion budget deficit, Governor Jerry Brown (D) urged lawmakers to cut $115 million from the Middle Class Scholarship Program so that funding for the California Dream Act could be spared. The California Dream Act provides scholarships for students in the country illegally. “It is a question of priorities and consequences,” Brown declared. “These middle class kids already are well enough off. They don’t need the help as much as the ‘dreamers’ do. Getting a free education is one of the key reasons why immigrants come to America. If we don’t provide for them their incentive to come here will be diminished. The middle class kids will be here regardless of whether they get aid.”

Feds Pooh-Pooh Concerns About Faked Studies

The National Science Foundation (NSF) Inspector General has found 74 instances where researchers funded by the NSF engaged in plagiarism, falsifying data, stealing, wasting government money, or committing other fraud.

NSF spokesman Bobbie Mixon brushed aside concerns, saying “they are of little consequence. No one reads the reports that we publish. Why should it make any difference whether the results are fake? We are providing an income for members of the academic community. The arcane and basically unreadable documents they produce are a byproduct of that greater objective. Considering the massive amount of money being squandered across a plethora of federal agencies it would be unfair to single out this one enclave of waste, fraud and abuse. After all, do we really want a cadre of unemployed university professors roaming the streets looking for trouble?

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Dems Plan to Block Trump’s Immigration Policy

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnIn a move likely to prove even more futile than the repeated GOP Congress’ attempts to repeal Obamacare while Obama was president, Senate Democrats have introduced legislation that would negate Trump’s executive order to toughen up enforcement against those in the country illegally.

The bill’s sponsors, Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto (Nev), Sen. Dick Durbin (Ill) and Sen. Mazie Hironio (Hawaii), characterized the proposed law as a measure “to keep immigrant families intact.” Speaking for the trio, Sen. Cortez Masto complained that “the assumption that a deportation program focused on removing those with criminal records is something no one could object to ignores the role that these individuals play in supporting their families. To Trump and the racists who support him, a man who steals is a ‘bad hombre.’ To the family he would leave behind if he is deported he is ‘Daddy.’ His absence will have devastating financial and emotional impacts on his woman and her children.”

Sen. Durbin voiced his anger that “Trump’s action would impose a high cost on a country that can ill afford it. Mexico already has a higher crime rate than we do. For us to deport criminals into their country is, for lack of a better word, criminal. Compared to Mexico, the United States has a shortage of crime. Social justice argues for redistributing some of their surplus to America. We can more easily bear the burden.”

U.S. Department of Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly called the proposed legislation “contrary the our nation’s health and safety. It’s not that we don’t have sympathy for the poor Mexicans, but the President has made it clear that our first duty is to American citizens. The notion that we should spare criminals from being deported because their crimes are necessary to support their families or because we have a relative ‘shortage’ of crime is, to my way of thinking, insane. These Senators ought to have their heads examined.”

In related bad news for these Democrats, a poll conducted by Secure America Now found that Trump’s deportation of illegal immigrants is supported by 59% of Hispanic voters and 53% of voters who cast ballots for Hillary Clinton last November. Durbin dismissed these findings as “obviously rigged. I’m willing to bet that none of the two million non-citizens who are registered to vote were included in the poll.”

PolitiFact Debunks Trump’s Uranium Claim

At his press conference this week President Donald Trump asserted that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton “gave 20% of our uranium to Russia.” The self-described fact checking website PolitiFact quickly pronounced Trump’s statement as “mostly false.”

“First of all, Secretary Clinton did not act alone,” PolitiFact spokesman Nicholas Pecker pointed out. “She had the full backing of President Obama. Second, the deal was for 20% of the United States’ uranium production capacity. That’s a totally different thing. Finally, the uranium wasn’t given to Russia. Former President Bill Clinton got a $500,000 speaking fee and the Clinton Foundation got more than $100 million in donations.”

“The only thing Trump got right was the word ‘uranium,’” Pecker added. “His repeated assaults on the truth constitute a serious betrayal of the trust voters placed in his hands. This, alone, in my opinion, makes a pretty strong case for impeachment. When we add the other particulars—his blatant denigration of the news media, his unconstitutional attempt to ban Muslim terrorists from entering the country, and his dangerous deviation from policies put in place by his predecessor—I think it’s only a matter of time before Congress will be forced to take him down. That is, if the CIA doesn’t assassinate him first.”

In related news, fact-checkers at the Washington Post awarded former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani “two Pinocchios” for correctly pointing out that 93% of Black murder victims were killed by Black assailants. “For Giuliani to just throw out this one fact without also mentioning that 84% of White victims had White assailants is unconscionable,” the Post wrote. “And the fact that a Black child is far more likely to be killed by a Black gangster than a White police officer doesn’t ease the pain of that gangster’s parents when he is shot by the police. In our judgment, Giuliani’s true, but insensitive, statement warrants ‘two Pinocchios.’”

CNN Chief Boasts Daily “Two-Minute Hate” of Trump Boosts Morale

CNN president Jeff Zucker admitted that “having the President of the United States impugn our integrity at every opportunity has battered the psyches of many of our network’s employees. We are the ones who determine the facts. We are the ones who impugn the integrity of those who don’t advance the progressive agenda. Trump’s rejection of our traditional role is a reversal that has hit us hard.”

“Our morale since that black day in November has been in the dumpster,” Zucker observed. “But we are turning it around. Thanks to a suggestion emailed to us by a viewer, we have instituted a daily ‘two-minute hate’ of Trump that has seemed to revive flagging spirits around the network. Wolf and Jake tell me it that it’s like a hit of crack that has helped restore their focus and given them the energy to persevere in our mission.”

“I don’t like to think of myself as someone who can hate another person,” CNN reporter Jake Tapper said. “It’s not a feeling I came close to experiencing in eight years of covering the Obama Administration. Not even the Republicans inspired such an intense animosity. They were powerless and cowed by the fear that a bad report from us could destroy their reputations. There was no need to hate them, but Trump, obviously, is different. The daily hate is energizing. My biggest regret is that we didn’t think of doing this before this monster was elected.”

In related news, veteran White House correspondent for American Urban Radio Networks April Ryan’s accusation that Trump adviser Omarosa Manigault intimidated her was quashed after Manigault revealed that “interactions with reporters are routinely recorded.” Ryan called the recording “an unfair tactic intended to abridge freedom of the press. It’s unconstitutional and freaking Nixonian. If this doesn’t persuade Congress to impeach the man I don’t know what will.”

US Economic Freedom Declined During Obama Presidency

The rank of the United States on the Heritage Foundation’s latest annual Index of Economic Freedom fell from 6th to 17th over the duration of the Obama Presidency. In 17th place, the US is behind Lithuania, Luxembourg, Georgia, Taiwan, Chile, and the United Arab Emirates, among others.

House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Kevin Brady (R-TX) said the decline “is embarrassing. We like to think of America as the land of the free, but when we see that we’ve dropped out of the top ten and are actually doing worse than some countries not normally considered havens for freedom, it’s clear that remedial action is required.”

Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn) disagreed, “I don’t find it embarrassing in the least. For too long the United States has been mired in a surfeit of damaging economic freedom. This has enabled the US to hog resources and wealth that rightfully should be shared equally with all the people of the world. That we are on our way down from our previously lofty perch is something I find comforting. Ideally, we ought to be right in the middle with every other country. If we can reach an equilibrium where no one has more than he needs, the economic causes of strife and conflict will be eliminated. No one saw this more clearly than the Prophet Muhammed who gave us the prescription for world peace through submission to the will of Allah.”

In related news, David Duke, former Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, endorsed Ellison for Chairman of the Democratic National Committee. “Keith Ellison, Sally Boynton Brown or Jehmu Greene would all be excellent choices—I really like Keith though, he knows the danger Jews represent and could be counted on to oppose their evil schemes against decent, God-fearing people.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Ward to Take on Sen. Flake Next Year

Conservative Republican U.S. Senate Candidate Kelli Ward joined with conservative activists across Phoenix in demanding the city council reject a petition to declare the state capital a “sanctuary city.” Letters to the mayor and each member of the ccty Council declared her opposition to such an idea and reminded them that it is their duty to uphold the law – not break it.

Dr. Ward said: “Turning Phoenix, our capital city, into a sanctuary city for illegal immigrants may impose unnecessary and overwhelming financial burdens on taxpayers. We must not implement any policy that promotes sanctuary to people in this state illegally.”

Ward continued, “Now more than ever, it is essential that local, state, and federal governments work together with local and federal law-enforcement to protect our fellow Americans and to guarantee that all of our laws are upheld, not selectively enforced or even ignored. We are a country of laws. Phoenix should be a shining example in America, not a place where law and order is put on the back burner.”

In 2012, Dr. Ward entered politics by running for a seat in the Arizona State Senate and was unopposed for reelection in 2014. While serving in office, she continued to practice medicine in the emergency department in Lake Havasu City and Kingman.

Noted as the most conservative member of the Arizona State Senate, in 2015 she announced her candidacy for the United States Senate against 34-year incumbent John McCain in the Republican primary in the 2016 election. Despite being outspent 10 to 1, Kelli Ward held McCain to his lowest historical primary total ever at 51 percent.

In October, Kelli announced that she will challenge Republican Senator Jeff Flake, one of President Trump’s biggest foes, in the 2018 primary election. Sen. Flake has traditionally been weak on the border.

Court Disallows Trump Effort to Block Dangerous Foreigners

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

This week the U.S. Court of JohnAppeals for the 9th Circuit upheld a lower court’s blockage of President Donald Trump’s Executive Order instituting temporary restraints on the entry of foreigners from seven countries currently embroiled in war and significant terrorist activity. Despite the existence of statutory authority enacted in 1952 expressly granting the president the power to issue such an Order, the Ninth Circuit judges ruled Trump’s actions void on the grounds that it violated the Constitution’s First Amendment clause barring the government from establishing a religion.

The Court’s decision honed in on the Executive Order’s language calling for barring “those who engage in acts of bigotry or hatred, including honor killings, other forms of violence against women, or the persecution of those who practice religions different from their own,” Judge Richard Clifton called it “constitutionally unacceptable. Inasmuch as the Muslim religion expressly authorizes honor killings, the subjugation of women, and the persecution of non-Muslims, the explicit inclusion in the Executive Order of these religious practices as grounds for barring entry to persons holding such beliefs forces us to negate it.”

Trump denounced the decision as “a terrible blow to the safety of this country and its citizens. The right not to be murdered or harmed by fanatics that spare no one from their depredations is a right that every citizen should expect his government to do its utmost to ensure. That this Court has gone outside the law to create fatuous objections on behalf of the interests of those with criminal intent is a terrible decision.”

Democrats saw the Court’s decision differently. Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) hailed it as “a first victory in our battle to take back our government from this un-American usurper. Trump’s notion that he can make America an arbiter of what is decent and abuse his power by trying to impose western values on foreigners as a condition of their entry into this country has been thwarted.”

James Clapper, former director of national intelligence under the Obama Administration, praised the Court for “saving America from the wrath of Islamic jihadis. Telling these extremists that their values are wrong and that they won’t be allowed into this country because of their beliefs runs contrary to the policy put in place by President Obama. He wisely recognized that criticizing these beliefs and using them as a factor in determining who we do and don’t allow in would only aggravate their anger and make them more intent on killing us. Leaving the borders open avoids provoking them and keeps the country safer.”

Warren Condemns Trump’s Deplorable Xenophobia

Seeking to gain a leg up on other potential Democratic Party aspirants for the 2020 nomination, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (Mass) excoriated the Trump Administration’s “deplorable xenophobia in placing the interests of American citizens ahead of the interests of humanity.”

“Hillary warned us of the transcendent evil that Trump poses to the progressive values President Obama strove to embed in our government’s policies,” Warren screeched in her Senate tirade against the confirmation of Sen. Jeff Sessions as the new US Attorney General. “By confirming Sessions the Senate has embeded diametrically opposed values. Putting Americans ahead of immigrants is, as the US Ninth Circuit Court has ruled, unconstitutionally denies them their human right to seek sustenance wherever they might find it.”

Warren took offense that one of Sessions’ comments urging American corporations to hire Americans did not derail his confirmation. “I am ashamed that my GOP colleagues have elevated a racist to be the nation’s top law enforcement officer,” she said. “My only consolation is that the Republican Party will pay dearly at the polls when voters rise up to oust these moral cretins from power in the next election.”

CNN Journalist Objects to “Fake News” Label

CNN’s Chris Cuomo is attempting to make a case that labeling his reports as “fake news” is the equivalent of using racial epithets against a person.

“Calling someone the ‘n-word’ is pure bigotry,” Cuomo declared. “It takes a trivial difference in appearance as an excuse for name calling. Likewise, using discrepancies in what we report as evidence of ‘fake news’ blows a minor issue into an insensitive and hurtful remark. Both expressions ought to be banned from polite discourse.”

Cuomo brushed aside contentions that the two scenarios were, in fact, significantly different. “Some would argue that denigrating a person’s skin color—something over which the individual has no control—isn’t the same as denigrating a journalist for something he says. Well, I’m here to tell you that what we say on the air is entirely out of our control. We’re handed a script and face intense pressure to adhere to the prescribed narrative. To hold us responsible for what we say is totally unfair.”

“I could be fired for stepping out of line,” Cuomo maintained. “How is this significantly different from a slave obeying his master to escape being whipped or a Mexican keeping a low profile to avoid being deported?”

Ironically, Cuomo’s comments came after he interviewed Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn), long-time promoter of the fake story that he had served in Vietnam. Cuomo rebutted Trump’s castigation of him on this matter, asserting that “I did ask the Senator about his Vietnam service, but he modestly declined to discuss this ancient history in favor of focusing on Supreme Court nominee Judge Neil Gorsuch’s criticism of Trump’s unwarranted remarks about the judge who slapped down his Muslim ban.”

In related news, Sen. Blumenthal insisted that Gorsuch “must go through extreme vetting to make sure the nation isn’t embarrassed by elevating a poseur to an exalted position he doesn’t deserve.”

Muslim IT Guys Spied on Democrats

Three Muslim brothers who managed office IT for a number of Democratic legislators were fired this week for unauthorized access and distribution of confidential information. Abid, Imran, and Jamal Awan had been hired at $160,000 annual salaries to provide IT services for dozens of Democrats including former Democratic National Committee Chairman Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz of Florida. You may recall, that Wasserman-Schultz’s purloined emails played a role in embarrassing Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign last year.

Despite one of the brothers having a criminal record, eight Democratic members of the House (Andre Carson, Luis Guiterez, Jim Himes, Terri Sewell, Jackie Speier, Mike Quigley, Eric Swalwell, and, Patrick Murphy) signed a letter requesting the brothers be given access to classified information. Some of this information was illicitly transmitted to an external server in violation of government security protocols.

In addition to their salaries, the brothers apparently supplemented their income by theft stemming from over-billing for computer equipment not delivered and services not performed. The trio’s high living also raised suspicions that classified information may have been traded for cash.

Rep. Carson (Indiana) argued that “the firing of these three men should close the book on this issue. We are the victims in this matter. It was our files that were invaded and surreptitiously distributed. It was our confidence that was betrayed. I think the loss of their lucrative jobs is an appropriate and sufficient punishment. There is no need to invest any more time and effort probing into a situation that is no longer relevant.”

In related news, Vincent Tolliver, a would-be contender for the currently vacant Chair of the Democratic National Committee, was disqualified by interim Chairwoman Donna Brazile. Tolliver’s offense: questioning whether rival contender Rep. Keith Ellison (Minn), who is Muslim, would be an appropriate leader. Specifically, Tolliver argued that Islamic doctrine justifying the execution of gays “seems to contradict our message of tolerance and inclusion.” Brazile justified her summary termination of Tolliver’s candidacy asserting that “attempting to impugn a fellow Democrat’s religious beliefs is intolerance that cannot be tolerated.”

Berkeley Student Paper Defends Violence to Suppress Freedom of Speech

In the wake of a riot causing $100,000 in property damage and preventing Milo Yiannopoulos from speaking on campus, the University of California at Berkeley’s student-run newspaper–The Daily Californian—published a series of five op eds against freedom of speech. The University which had gained a reputation as a bastion of free speech for its position in favor of speaking in opposition to the Vietnam War 40 years ago has morphed into an enemy of the concept of the discovery of truth through open debate by those with different opinions.

In one of the op eds, Nisa Dang contended that “free speech is a white man’s tool for oppressing the black race. Many of our students are uncomfortable or incapable of engaging in a war of words. Their interests are disparaged by systems that rule violence out-of-bounds as a valid mode of expression.” 

Illegal immigrant student Juan Prieto argued that “the riots actually increased the safety of the students by preventing the pernicious ideas of Yiannopoulos from inciting an even more violent reaction from those opposed to his views. And in the long-run, roughing up a few college Republicans now may deter them from trying to promote their anti-progressive views in the future.”

Neil Lawrence took pains to debunk university administration claims that the rioting was a “false flag” operation of right-wingers aimed at discrediting the school. “It was,” he asserted, “an authentic Black Lives Matter enterprise. Just because we wore masks to protect ourselves from prosecution doesn’t mean we should be robbed of the credit for this glorious and successful imposition of our will against a white man’s speech.”

Desmond Meagley used his op ed to bolster Lawrence’s view, insisting that “this was fundamentally of, by, and for the students of Berkeley and every other campus in the world. We claimed our right to control what we hear and to prevent the unwelcome attempt to insert alien concepts into the dialog. Progressive politics rule. We will not abide the invasion of nonconforming philosophies to pollute our environment.”

The four op eds praising the riot were “balanced” by one that rued the violence, but affirmed the position that “views like those of Yiannopoulos are illegitimate and cannot rightfully claim to be protected by the First Amendment. I’m glad that he was prevented from speaking. The rioting could have been averted if the Administration hadn’t granted him permission to come here. Future violence can be averted if they are more dutiful to their obligation to protect the students from threats originating from the presence of people like Yiannopoulos on campus.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News 

 

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

 

 

 

Berkeley Major Justifies Riots

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnWhile Berkeley Mayor Jesse Arreguin expressed regret that “the anger of those opposed to allowing a hateful white nationalist may have been a little too exuberant, we must acknowledge their constitutional right to prevent the airing of unacceptable views on the University campus.”

Breitbart reporter Milo Yiannopoulos’ sold-out speech had to be canceled when 150 masked men went on a rampage blocking traffic, vandalizing the University, attacking police, and assaulting individuals who came to hear the speech.

President Trump’s post-riot suggestion that “the suppression of free speech at a heavily-subsidized public university raises questions about the continued federal role in contributing to these subsidies” sparked the Mayor’s anger. “Mr. Trump’s perspective on freedom of speech is ignorantly one-sided,” he said. “Sure, he is all for the promulgation of Yiannopoulos’ twisted ideas, but what of the rights of those who don’t want to hear them? Shouldn’t the majority of the students’ preference to silence his hateful messenger rule the day?”

Perhaps the biggest irony of the whole event is that Yiannopoulos is himself gay,” Arreguin observed. “He is a member of a group that the protesters were trying to support by shutting down his speech. He may be feeling aggrieved in the short run, but will benefit in the long run if the Trump tyranny is disrupted by the patriotic actions of those in the streets fighting for social justice. That is why I gave police the order to ‘stand down’ and let events take their natural course. A decision that I feel was vindicated by the absence of any fatalities and only a minimal $100,000 in property damage.”

A similar stance toward rioting was exhibited in Pakistan where Judge Chaudhry Muhammad Azam dismissed charges against 115 Muslim men accused of a rampage that burned the homes of 150 Christian families. “Given the unanimous testimony of the 115 accused that they did not commit a crime, I have no other option but to drop the charges,” Azam declared. “Under our law, the testimony of one Muslim is worth four times the testimony of an unbeliever. Since there weren’t enough survivors among the alleged victims to produce the requisite minimum of 460 witnesses to rebut the 115 true believers the case cannot go forward.”

In related news, a speaker at a Black Lives Matter rally against the Trump Administration drew wild cheers from the crowd when she suggested “we need to start killing people. Smashing windows and burning stuff is a good beginning, but white people won’t take us serious if we don’t kill some of them.”

NY Guv Wants Abortion Protected in State Constitution

Following the nomination of federal appellate court judge Neil Gorsuch for the US Supreme Court vacancy left by the death of Justice Antonin Scalia last February, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (D) announced a move to amend his state’s constitution to make a woman’s right to an abortion “safe from judicial meddling by a Supreme Court packed with Trump appointees.”

The right of a woman to choose to terminate a pregnancy that was granted by the Court in their historic Roe v. Wade decision in 1973 must be saved from being callously snatched away after 40 years of successful operation,” Cuomo said. “The right to choose is too precious for us to squander. Protecting this right is a core value of our resistance to Trump’s tyranny. Embedding this right in our state’s constitution is the only sure way of immunizing our state from one of the atrocities this evil man would inflict upon an innocent population.”

Amending the New York State Constitution is no easy task. It could be achieved by calling a state constitutional convention, but that would expose other clauses of the constitution to possible amendment. A more narrowly focused amendment dealing solely with abortion could be accomplished if two successively elected legislatures passed an identical amendment bill that would then be referred to the voters. The earliest this could all be completed is 2019.

Not only might the time-consuming amendment process be too late to head off any US Supreme Court action on the issue, it night be futile. The 1973 Roe v. Wade decision overrode numerous state laws on the ground that the US Constitution’s right to privacy took precedence over any state’s laws. A Court decision reversing Roe v. Wade could find ample justification within the US Constitution to override state laws or constitutions. For example, the victims of the abortion procedure are subjected to cruel punishment (death) without being found guilty of a crime. This would appear to violate both the Fifth and Eighth Amendments.

The complaint by Kim Atkins, board chair of Planned Parenthood Empire State Acts, “that such an action by the Supreme Court would violate states’ rights” bears an ironic similarity to arguments made by Sen. John Calhoun (D-SC) on behalf of the South’s “peculiar institution” of slavery in 1838 and Sen. William Fulbright (D-Ark) on behalf of segregation in 1964.

In related news, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) was apoplectic over the nomination of Judge Gorsuch for the Supreme Court calling him “a maniacal advocate for placing the rights of the unborn over those of women. Fetuses aren’t people until they’re born. Yet, this judge has a record of putting concerns for the rights of these creatures above those of the women forced to endure their invasion of her body. For the sake of humanity the Senate must not confirm such a monstrous person for our highest judicial tribunal.”

Study Shows Islam a Major Motivation for Terrorists

A new study—Talking to Foreign Fighters: Insights into the Motivations for Hijrah to Syria and Iraq by University of Waterloo sociologist Lorne L. Dawson, and George Washington University Program on Extremism Fellow Amaranth Amarasingam—found that religion played the biggest role in spurring Muslims to join the jihad against unbelievers.

In the liberal way of thinking religion can’t logically be a significant motivating factor for terrorist violence,” Dr. Dawson observed. “The instinct is to look for socio-economic reasons to explain behavior that makes no sense to secularists. But our findings rebut this premise. The individuals who have actually left western societies to join ISIS or al-Qaeda were generally from middle and upper socio-economic strata. The motives they cited for themselves were predominately religious in nature. In their view, proper observance required them to fight for Islam.”

A teary-eyed Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) called the findings “unhelpful in our struggle against the Trump Administration. A bunch of deranged Muslims professing religious inspiration as their incentive for attacking us contradicts the meme of Islam as a religion of peace and feeds right into Trump’s plan to erect barriers to Muslim entry to America. This study is out of step with all the other studies that have skirted the religious issue to focus on other factors behind the reasons for terrorism. Hopefully, it won’t get much attention in the media.”

DOE Nominee Attacked for Supporting Academic Freedom

Betsy DeVos, Trump’s nominee to head the US Depart6ment of Education, was assailed in Senate committee hearings for her past association with the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE). FIRE’s positions in opposition to school suppression of freedom of speech and in support of transparent due process procedures for school disciplinary actions drew harsh opposition from Sen. Bob Casey (D-Penn).

FIRE has intruded on universities trying to police their own campuses to ferret out dangerous ideas and non-conforming attitudes,” the Senator complained. “School administrators endeavoring to shield not-yet-mature young minds from confusing and confounding influences are being harassed by FIRE’s attempt to inject First Amendment standards that school authorities have decided are inappropriate in the academic environment. Ms. DeVos needs to disassociate herself from this radical organization and join the mainstream if she wants us to entrust her with this powerful position of influence.”

Casey’s communications director, John Rizzo called FIRE’s push for due process “a step backward. Their insistence that a person accused of sexual improprieties by another student is somehow entitled to the same sort of Fifth Amendment protections afforded to the accused outside the cloistered confines of the academic community is frightening. It is the Senator’s position that requiring the accused to be apprised of the specific allegations against him and to have the right to confront his accuser or the witnesses against him would have a chilling effect on the willingness of victims to come forward. Allowing school officials to quietly expel or otherwise punish the accused enables important institutional objectives to be achieved with minimal fuss.”

Personal Income Growth in Obama Years Weakest in History

The year-to-year rate of growth in personal income in the United States was lower during President Obama’s recently completed two terms than at any other period recorded in this country’s history. In the last year of the Bush Administration the growth rate was 4.7%. In the last year of the Obama Administration the rate fell to 3.4%. This contrasted especially unfavorably to the average 9.5% annual increases during the Reagan years.

Ranking member of the House Energy & Commerce Committee Rep. Frank Pallone (D-NJ) made an effort to defend the Obama record by pointing out that “when Reagan took office the growth rate was 10.8% and fell to 8.5% by his last year in office. This was a 2.3% drop. When Obama took office the rate was 4.7% and only fell to 3.4% by his last year. So, the decline in annual income growth of 1.3% during the Obama years was smaller than the 2.3% decline during the Reagan years.”

Of course, the actual level of income over the eight Reagan years rose by more than 100%. The actual level of income over the Obama years rose by a more modest 37%. Perhaps the divergent economic policies of low tax rates and less regulation of Reagan’s Administration compared to the higher tax rates and more regulation of the Obama Administration played a role.

A Satirical Look at Recent News 

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.