ACLU Sues Catholic Hospitals

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnCatholic hospitals’ refusal to perform birth control services that run counter to the Church’s beliefs came under fire from the American Civil Liberties Union this week as it launched a lawsuit aimed at compelling these institutions to comply with federal policy on this subject.

We’re taking a stand today to fight for pregnant women who are denied potentially life-saving care because doctors are forced to follow religious directives rather than best medical practices,” Brooke Tucker, an ACLU attorney, said. “That the Catholic Church considers abortion and sterilization intrinsically evil must not be allowed to grant them an exemption from abiding by rules laid down by the Affordable Care Act.”

Tucker dismissed First Amendment objections to the federal rules as “misguided. The First Amendment’s guarantee of religious freedom pertains to worship. The Catholic Church’s freedom to conduct religious activities is not at issue here. What is impermissible is for the Church to impose its beliefs in the field of medical services. A person seeking medical care has a right to all the benefits and procedures guaranteed by law. Every hospital must adhere to that law. If the Church cannot follow the law it should get out of the business of operating hospitals.”

In related news, claiming he is acting to implement the wishes of Pope Francis, Rep. Luis Gutiérrez (D-Ill) has introduced legislation that would guarantee Obamacare to all undocumented immigrants. “The Pope made it clear that it is our moral obligation to ensure that everyone, no matter where they were born, has a right to medical care,” the Congressman declared. In contrast, Gutierrez denied that his support of women’s abortion rights conflicted with the Pope’s position against this practice saying that, “if there is a conflict between the rights of a woman and the rights of the unborn, the woman’s rights take precedence.”

Kerry, Power Join Muslim Boycott of Netanyahu’s UN Speech

U.S. Secretary of State Kerry and the U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Samantha Power joined representatives of Muslim nations who walked out on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech. In his speech Netanyahu chastised the UN for its continued silence in the face of Iran’s repeated threat to wipe Israel off the map.

The Secretary characterized his actions as “simple common sense once you look at the numbers. Israel itself has about six million Jews. Worldwide there are maybe another six million. On the other hand, there are over a billion Muslims. Siding with the larger contingent is both the more prudent and democratic option.”

Ambassador Power seconded Kerry’s remarks and added “while it is understandable that the Israeli Prime Minister would get worked up over the prospect of his country being wiped off the map, from a broader perspective it is not such a big issue. Israel was wiped off the map by the Romans nearly 2,000 years ago and the rest of the world got along without it until 1948. So, in that sense, the world obviously doesn’t need to fret over whether the region is called Israel, Palestine, or something else.”

Iran’s Permanent Representative to the UN, Gholamali Khoshroo, praised Ambassador Power’s “incisive depiction of both the current and historical realities” and ventured that “it is a good harbinger of the benefits to be achieved through the continued cooperation between our two nations.”

Consensus for War with Russia Building

Russian intervention against opponents of the Assad government in Syria appears to have sparked a rising tide of bipartisan support for US countermeasures. Initially, Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina called for the US to resist the Russian initiative by force if necessary.

Determined not to be outflanked, Democratic presidential contender, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton echoed Fiorina by urging President Obama to establish a “no fly zone” over the rebel positions in order “to protect our investment in the anti-Assad rebels.”

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) reminded everyone that “I’m the only one who has met with these rebels. Though by our standards they may not be good people, they are fighting for freedom as they see it.” McCain argued for “a subtler approach. Rather than an overt ‘no fly zone’ why don’t we just arm the rebels with Stinger missiles they could use to shoot down the Russian jets that are bombing them?”

In Congress, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif), the projected favorite to succeed Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) as Speaker of the House, endorsed the idea that “we’ve got to do something to counter the Russian intervention. For us to sit by idly while the President’s carefully crafted Middle East policy is disrupted will do incalculable damage to our nation’s credibility as the world’s leading superpower.”

Thus far, the only high-profile objection to going to war with Russia has come from GOP presidential contender Donald Trump who has suggested that “the Russians bombing the Islamic barbarians doesn’t seem so bad. To me, Putin seems the lesser evil. I can’t see fighting him to save fanatics who would behead you if they could.”

In related news, Jürgen Todenhöfer, a German journalist who spent 10 days living behind ISIS lines in Syria, reports that “the terrorists are eager to carry out the largest religious cleansing operation in human history. If they get their hands on nuclear weapons they will have no hesitation in using them to unleash a nuclear tsunami against the West. This is no ‘JV’ team. They are dangerous and determined.”

NYC Honors Rosenburgs

The New York City Council took the occasion of the 100th anniversary of the birth of Ethel Rosenburg to honor her and her husband Julius for demonstrating “great bravery.” The Rosenburgs were executed for treason in 1953 after they were convicted of passing atom bomb secrets to the Soviet Union.

Councilman Daniel Dromm (D-Queens) averred that “it took a lot of courage for the Rosenburgs to buck the anti-communist hysteria that was sweeping the nation during the post war period. From a parochial perspective, sharing the atom bomb appears traitorous. But from a more ecumenical standpoint it can be seen as an effort to establish a balance of power between reactionary and progressive forces.”

An American monopoly in nuclear weapons would have allowed the promulgation of reactionary social policies around the world to go unchecked,” Dromm maintained. “By assisting Stalin to obtain equivalent weapons the Rosenburgs helped to counter this US dominance. And as we can see today, history has vindicated their action. It’s time that their sacrifice gains a measure of well-deserved recognition.”

Planned Parenthood Denies Possibility of Abortion Survivors

Planned Parenthood’s chief executive officer Cecile Richards told Congressional investigators that she had never heard of such a thing as an “abortion survivor,” calling the concept “totally nonsensical.”

When a woman comes to us to terminate her pregnancy it would be a gross dereliction of duty if we were to permit a fetus to survive the procedure,” she said. “We take every conceivable precaution to ensure that this doesn’t happen.”

One precaution that Richards touted as fool proof was the harvesting of organs from the fetus. “Once the fetus has been dismembered and the organs extracted there is no chance of survival,” Richards pointed out. “So, in this regard, I think the videos made by the Center for Medical Progress would tend to confirm what I’m saying.”

The existence of apparent abortion survivors like Gianna Jessen didn’t faze Richards as she observed that “Ms. Jessen’s mother was not a patient at one of our facilities. I would argue that if the abortion were performed properly, as it would have been at Planned Parenthood, Gianna wouldn’t be going around today trying to undo the hard-won rights of women in America.”

Richards also argued that “we wouldn’t be earning over $400 million a year from abortions if we didn’t do a quality job. And an outcome in which the fetus isn’t terminated is not a quality job, in my opinion.”

U.S. to Close Last Uranium Plant

The Obama Administration has ordered the last remaining uranium processing facility in the United States to be closed. The final day of operations for the American Centrifuge project in Piketon, Ohio was September 30th.

Rep. Brad Wenstrup (R-Ohio) was aghast. “This is beyond belief,” he asserted. “While this administration is green-lighting uranium enrichment in Iran and legitimizing 6,000 Iranian centrifuges, they’re shutting down our only domestic production facility here in America.”

Secretary of State John Kerry belittled Wenstrup’s concern. “There are uranium processing facilities in Russia, France, the United Kingdom, Germany, and Holland,” Kerry said. “If we need any we could always buy it from one of these other sites.”

What the Congressman is overlooking is mollifying effect this closure will have on Iran and the world,” the Secretary added. “The urge of others to get into the nuclear arms racket has got to be dampened by our example. If we are winding down our program others may feel less threatened and may similarly turn away from such weapons.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.


Dana Loesch on ‘Criminal Protection Areas’

TheBlaze TV host Dana Loesch sounded off over President Barack Obama’s response to the Oregon college shooting on Thursday, blasting gun-free zones as “criminal protection areas.”

Loesch spoke with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly just hours after Obama delivered a statement from the White House calling for stricter gun control measures in the wake of the mass shooting at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, that left 10 people dead and seven more injured.

“Gun-free zones are criminal protection areas and that’s what we usually see. It’s all right there. You can’t refute numbers. You cannot refute the statistics,” Loesch said in response to the president’s remarks.

After the shooting, Obama told reporters that states with the most gun laws tend to see less gun violence, while states with fewer gun laws usually see more gun violence. The president also called for the U.S. to adopt similar gun laws as Australia and the United Kingdom — ”countries like ours.”

However, Loesch pointed out, Australia banned and even confiscated some guns after the Port Arthur shooting massacre in 1996 left 35 people dead, according to the Federalist. And in the United Kingdom, Loesch said there are still beheadings – and shootings – that take in the European country, despite its strict gun laws.

Obama in Error on Guns … again

By Alan Korwin, Author
Gun Laws of America

The president’s impassioned Oregon speech, moving as it was, missed a key point that could lead to real progress on this terrible issue of mass murder.

The 16 black Americans shot and murdered in ghettos that same day, and the day before, tragically got no news coverage.

This is stunning, unmentioned — and those lives matter.

That black-lives gunfire atrocity is repeated, daily. And will remain true tomorrow when another 16 are murdered, but get no “coverage” — 6,000 per year.

The “Graph of Death” Mr. Obama asked for is already available here:
(with gut-wrenching explanation)

ChicagoShootingsChicago murders by area, 2008

By focusing on an isolated “newsworthy” tragedy in one place, Mr. Obama unknowingly obscures the real issue, and does indeed politicize it — as he forthrightly admitted.

NOTE: Every action of this Oregon murderer is already 100 percent illegal — legal scholars know the call for new laws is superfluous and disingenuous. It is a political agenda that weakens support and the true effort to solve the problem.

The president made a repeated and critical mistake: new laws affecting all Americans will not affect the lone psychotics who commit these atrocities.

The medical community stands as the greatest obstacle in getting to the psychotics.

And the biggest ignored issue of all is: The existing background checks have stopped two million people from buying guns because they are known criminals or mentally unfit — and they are simply turned loose on the streets.

We have their names and addresses — and our government just sets them free, right after they try to buy guns.*

Mr. President, do something about that if you’re really serious.



  • Want to control as much of your life as they possibly can
  • Want to take away your freedom
  • Want to regulate your speech
  • Accept blood money from Planned Parenthood to get elected
  • Take your money and give it to Planned Parenthood
  • Say your child belong to the state
  • Want to keep your children in failing schools
  • Want to indoctrinate your children in secular humanism and encourage them to abandon your faith
  • Punish you for your beliefs and thoughts
  • Allow religious liberty for everyone but Christians
  • Raise your taxes
  • View all money as theirs to keep or to allow you to have some
  • Punish successful businesses
  • Tax your church
  • Remove accreditation from Christian colleges
  • Take away your right to defend yourself — leaving you defenseless against criminals
  • Release more prisoners from jail
  • Want Planned Parenthood to avoid punishment for allowing child rapists to go unreported
  • Want to re-write the Constitution so they can make up new “rights”
  • Want to weaken our national defense
  • Want to open the borders for drug smugglers and new Democratic voters
  • Ignore the rule of law
  • Are creating chaos so you will give up your liberty to have order
  • Are destroying America’s culture
  • Are practicing situational ethics to justify unethical behavior
  • Confiscate your money and give it to the poor, then taking credit for “helping the poor”
  • Are making you pay for the abortion slaughter of 1.2 million Americans each year
  • Are making you pay for other people’s health insurance
  • Made you pay for free golf carts for others
  • Want you to pay for other people’s college education
  • Are giving your tax dollars to America’s enemies
  • Control the media
  • Steal elections and disenfranchise you
  • Encourage activist judges to over-rule your vote
  • Are dictating your vocabulary
  • Are demonizing and marginalizing anyone who does not agree with them
  • Despise the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution
  • Are fiscally reckless and irresponsible, weakening the economy
  • Jeopardizing your social security
  • Are controlling the law schools and training godless generations of lawyers to carry out their policies
  • Are championing moral depravity
  • Are poisoning people against law enforcement
  • Are socialists

Boehner Resignation Unleashes Cascade of Caterwauling

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnHouse Speaker John Boehner’s (R-Ohio) announcement that he is resigning from Congress effective October 30th was followed by a torrent of tears in Washington. Leading the sob fest, of course, was Boehner himself who lamented that “the blood, sweat, and tears I’ve shed for this country have gone unappreciated for too long.”

As if to contradict Boehner’s lament, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) praised “Boehner’s cooperative approach to getting things done,” and expressed the hope that “a similarly motivated and compliant successor can be found.”

A glum Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest called the resignation “a serious setback for the President’s agenda. Though President Obama had his differences with the Speaker both shared a respect for the importance of governance, of keeping the doors open and the funds flowing to the nation’s multitude of clients.”

President Obama himself was a little less pessimistic, saying that “Boehner will still hold the Speaker’s gavel for another five weeks. He has been our ‘ace-in-the-hole’ for more than four years. Now that he has nothing to fear from the Tea Party wing of his party there’s an opportunity to enact some of the reforms that these right-wing extremists have been blackmailing him to oppose.”

One of the reforms Obama said he hopes can be enacted before October 30th is “for Congress to delegate appropriation authority to the Executive branch. While I have been able to use executive orders to achieve some of the goals we all share, the threat still remains that this good work can be impeded by Congressional refusal to appropriate the necessary money. If the power to appropriate funds were delegated to the president the enlightened vision of the nation’s true ruler couldn’t be blocked by Congressional squabbling.”

Boehner promised “to do my best to live up to the president’s confidence in me,” but also pointed out that “a delegation of appropriation authority to the Executive branch would require the consent of the Senate. I can certainly work out a deal with Nancy in the House, but I can’t speak for the other chamber.”

It is rumored that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken) is working on a bill modeled after the Corker-Cardin legislation that proved instrumental in aiding the success of the president’s Iran deal. Under McConnell’s bill Congress would be given 30 days to reject any appropriation made by the president and if the president vetoed a Congressional act rejecting an appropriation, Congress could override the veto with a two-thirds majority.

US Has Plenty of Room for Muslim Refugees, Says Albright

Former Clinton Administration Secretary of State Madeleine Albright says the United States has plenty of vacant space that could be productively allocated to refugees from the Middle East.

Even the most casual glance at the vast swaths of unoccupied space inside this country shows that we have no valid excuse for denying entry to those displaced by unrest in their native countries,” Albright declared. “Take the wide-open lands of the state of Nevada as an example. Here is a climate that approximates that of the nations the refugees are fleeing. Why not set aside this state as a sort of reservation for Muslim immigrants?”

Albright urged citizens to demand that “Congress adopt this or some other set aside location. The refugee crisis will only get worse if we don’t provide a secure refuge for these people. Once ensconced in some of America’s vacant space they could replicate their culture, elect their own people to Congress, and help reaffirm America’s commitment to succor and diversity.”

Free Stuff” Gaffe Said to Doom Bush’s Candidacy

Republican presidential candidate former Florida Governor Jeb Bush faced a firestorm of criticism from the welfare lobby for asserting that his message of opportunity would win more Black votes than Democrats’ promises of more “free stuff.”

Democratic presidential race front runner former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gloated over what she maintained “effectively ends his run for the nation’s top job. Bush’s pledge to preserve people’s opportunity to work their way up the ladder offers them nothing they couldn’t get on their own. What we offer is something in addition to what people can earn for themselves. Democrats are the Party that guarantees that the government will take care of everyone. Republicans are the Party that would force everyone get a job and support themselves.”

Not to be outdone by his presidential rival, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders promised to “carve up the capitalist turkey and dish out shares to everyone. Why should the masses restrain themselves from expropriating the bourgeoisie? We have the numbers and, therefore, the power to vote for the redistribution of the nation’s wealth. We have only ourselves to blame if we fail to exercise that power.”

Sanders sought to distinguish himself from his “intellectual mentor” Vladimir Lenin by eschewing the prescribed “liquidation” of the capitalist class. “I am a peaceful man,” Sanders proclaimed. “Stripped of their property, the capitalist oppressors would be powerless. My more humane approach would allow them to take their place at the back of the line and receive their fair share of the redistributed wealth.”

Afghan Sex Slaves “Internal Matter,” Says Administration

Reports that US military personnel in Afghanistan have been ordered to ignore Afghan troops’ “bachi bazi”—the ritual kidnapping, imprisonment and rape of child sex slaves was defended by the Obama Administration as “a necessary compromise in the war on terror.”

The practice of holding and abusing under-aged boys as sex slaves is an ancient tradition in Afghanistan,” US Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter observed. “It is not our place to interfere.”

The Secretary drew a parallel with this country’s alliance with the Soviet Union during World War II. “The Soviet Union was an oppressive tyranny run by a paranoid psychopath,” Carter recounted. “Millions were sent to the gulag for trivial or non-existent offenses. Thousands were executed for imaginary crimes. By any measure, this was far worse than the rape of a few hundred little boys by our Afghan allies.”

Abiding Stalin’s lesser evil in order to gain his nation’s help in fighting Hitler’s greater evil was a necessary strategic decision,” Carter contended. “Likewise, abiding the peculiar cultural practices of our Afghan allies in the war against the Taliban terrorists is a price we must be willing to pay. The squeamishness of our troops cannot be permitted to interfere with our broader strategic objectives in the region.”

Carter justified the dismissal of Sgt. Charles Martland from the Army for his actions calling attention to the child rapes. “Our troops in the region have their orders,” Carter said. “By raising an unapproved alarm over the Afghan Army’s behavior, Sgt Martland disobeyed those orders. Discipline is a fundamental component of military cohesion. Just as US troops were ordered to ignore Soviet troops’ rape of German women in the closing days of WWII, Martland was ordered to ignore the Afghan troops’ rapes. Discharging him was our only option.”

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif) labeled this “strategic compromise ‘pathetic.’ We shouldn’t be repeating history’s past mistakes. Making the world safe for pedophiles is not a cause worthy of one drop of an American soldier’s blood. We should either stand for human freedom or withdraw from this fight.”

In related news, Carter denounced Russia’s intervention in Syria saying that “sending troops to battle ISIL in the region conflicts with President Obama’s more nuanced approach. Russia’s decision to just kill the Islamic State fighters contradicts the President’s efforts to assist these forces to help overthrow the Assad dictatorship.”

School District Bans “Tag”

The Mercer Island School District in the State of Washington has barred students from playing the game of “tag” on school grounds or within eyesight of school personnel. Communications director Macy Grade described the ban as “an essential step to ensure the physical and emotional safety of all students.”

In the game of “tag,” one child is designated as “it” until he or she can tag/touch another child and pass along the “it” status. Grade characterized the game as “potentially devastating to children’s self-esteem. First of all, the person who is ‘it’ is isolated and stigmatized. Second, all the other participants are traumatized by the risk of becoming ‘it’ unless they can successfully flee. Third, the chasing and fleeing exposes the children to potential injuries from falls or collisions.”

The decree banning the game followed the school districts unsuccessful attempt to revise the rules. Grade explained, “instead of one child being singled out as ‘it’ we tried to encourage the children to play a game of ‘us’ in which every participant is designated as ‘special’ so no one has to chase or flee. But the new game didn’t catch on. The children called it ‘boring’ and continued to engage in the dangerous, traditional version of the game.”

The district also sent a letter home with each student asking parents to help police the ban during non-school hours. “We can’t afford to let our best efforts to eradicate this scourge of childhood be undermined by the unsupervised play of youngsters when they are not on school grounds,” Grade said. “It is important that parents be on board and help prevent the harm this activity can wreak.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you uses material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.



Arizona’s Women Have Real Choices and Don’t Need Planned Parenthood


Scientists Urge President to Prosecute Global Warming Skeptics

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnA gaggle of university climatologists have written to President Obama and Attorney General Loretta Lynch urging them to prosecute people who continue to contradict the “scientific consensus” on climate change. Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) immediately endorsed the idea as “essential to our survival as a planet.”

The freedom of people able to contradict the accepted science impedes the government from taking the steps necessary to combat dangerous climate change,” Whitehouse contended. Paraphrasing a famous observation made by Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes for justifying suppression of free speech, the senator averred that “allowing a person to deny the truth of global warming is like allowing a person to deny there’s a fire in a crowded theater. When lives are at stake freedom must be curtailed for the common good.”

The authority Whitehouse cited for justifying the prosecution of skeptics is the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations (RICO) Act. This Act was passed in 1970 in order to give the government another tool in its war against organized crime.

Whitehouse insisted that “even though climate deniers aren’t gunning people down like mobsters do, the death toll from runaway climate change is likely to be far higher and more gruesome. In effect, those whose words are used to delay necessary government action are, in effect, enablers of mass murder and deserve to be treated as such. Hopefully, putting a few of the most ardent deniers behind bars will serve to silence others.”

Pelosi Says She Abhors Abortion

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) maintains that she abhors abortion and defended federal funding for Planned Parenthood as “the surest path toward reducing its frequency in the future.”

Each birth raises the population total,” Pelosi said. “The more babies that are aborted today, the fewer we will have to abort in the future. By holding down the population now, we avert the burden of having to fund even more abortions in the next generation.”

The Congresswoman contrasted “my long view with the short-sightedness of today’s knee-jerk opponents of sensible population control. I mean, isn’t it obvious that a future population of 600,000,000 would force us to abort twice as many babies as our current 300,000,000 population? Who’s the greater humanitarian—the person who saves one life today or the more farsighted person who sacrifices one life today in order to save two in the next generation?”

In related news, a bill to grant protection to babies that survive abortions was not passed unanimously. H.R.3504, titled the “Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act” was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives by a party line 248-177 vote. Rep. Judy Chu (D-Calif) voted against the bill saying that “it puts the interests of fetuses ahead of the interests of women. Why should the ability of a fetus to live be permitted to cancel out the wish of a woman who undergoes the procedure for the express purpose of preventing this life?”

Ex-Gov Gets Lifetime Pension for Four Months of Work

Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey (D) was awarded a lifetime pension after only four months on the job as an attorney for Hudson County. County spokesman James Kennelly sought to abate outrage from taxpayers and other county employees who must put in years of work to qualify for much smaller pensions.

Governor McGreevey brought a unique experience — an intense commitment to the job,” Kennelly argued. “His four months on the job is worth far more than decades put in by any other county employee. So, I don’t think there are any grounds for complaints.”

Although he was unable to point to any specific accomplishment of McGreevey’s brief tenure as a county attorney, Kennelly insisted that “the intangibles of his inspirational role cannot be adequately measured nor appreciated by the average person. Frankly, in my opinion, no amount of money could be sufficient to compensate him for what he’s done.”

McConnell Rejects House Plea for Majority Rule on Iran Deal

A plea from 57 House Republicans to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) to allow the Senate majority to vote on the Iran treaty fell on deaf ears. At issue is McConnell’s refusal to bypass the filibuster of the Senate minority that is blocking a vote on the measure.

Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas), spokesman for the 57 GOP House members, emphasized that “voting on a matter as consequential as the Iran deal should take precedence over the preservation of a mere Senate rule.”

Although the Senate rule authorizing filibusters has no Constitutional or statutory basis, McConnell firmly rejected Smith’s arguments. “The United States Senate is the world’s greatest deliberative body,” McConnell claimed. “It didn’t get that way by simply yielding to majority sentiment. Preserving this historic role is more important than what happens on this one issue.”

It’s not as if this “historic role” hasn’t undergone occasional modifications. The threshold for shutting down a filibuster used to be two-thirds. Segregationists used the two-thirds rule to block numerous civil rights laws over many decades. In 1975, the ratio of votes required to end a filibuster was reduced to three-fifths. During former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s tenure the ratio was reduced to a simple majority on one occasion.

McConnell was also unfazed by polls showing more than a two-thirds majority of Americans opposed to the Iran deal, saying that “the views held by voters cannot be expected to carry as much weight as the views of members of the Senate. Just doing what the majority wants is tantamount to mob rule. I will not acquiesce to such a desecration of the principles upon which our government operates.”

Smith was unimpressed by McConnell’s arguments and pointed out that “under our Constitution treaties are supposed to be affirmatively endorsed by two-thirds of the Senate. The Iran deal inverts that requirement. Shouldn’t Senator McConnell and all members of Congress, for that matter, put this Constitutional requirement ahead of the made-up procedures of the Senate no matter how hoary they may be?”

In related news, the Obama Administration declined to disclose the estimated number of Americans killed by Iran and its terror proxies since, according to Secretary of State John Kerry, “the only purpose this would serve is to potentially derail implementation of the deal we worked so hard to obtain. Rather than stir up points of disagreement, it’s better to let bygones be bygones.”

White House Justifies Inviting Critics of Catholic Doctrine to Meet Pope

In what some are characterizing as a breach of diplomacy, President Obama has invited several prominent critics of Catholic doctrine to his meeting with Pope Francis. Among these controversial invitees are a pro-abortion nun, a transgender woman, a homosexual Episcopal bishop, and two Catholic homosexual activists. The intent of this affront says Press Secretary Josh Earnest “is to make the point that religious doctrine, just like Constitutional law, must evolve to meet evolving social customs and beliefs. High profile leaders like Pope Francis cannot afford to resist these trends if the Church hopes to stay relevant in the 21st century.”

Obama Calls GOP Obstructionism America’s Biggest Threat

In a speech before the Business Roundtable President Obama urged corporate leaders to lobby the Republican Congress and ask their representatives to support increased budgetary authority. “Republican propaganda would cast Chinese hackers, Russian military adventures, or Islamic terror as the gravest threats to our way of life,” the president said. “Don’t fall for it. Nothing is as great a threat as the possibility that the omnibus budget won’t be approved in time to avert a government shutdown.”

While not totally dismissing these other dangers, Obama told the business leaders that “these are more distant and dissipated sources of trouble. Even if our computer security is compromised how big of a hit to your bottom line would this entail? Would a reestablished Soviet Union really be a negative outcome for your profitability? Would terrorists running amok massacring soldiers or bombing buildings really hurt your stock prices? I think upon reflection we’d all have to agree that each of these potential events would increase the need for government spending and would lead to more contracts and more income for well-positioned firms. On the other hand, a government shutdown would turn off the spigot of cash flowing from us to you.”

The president acknowledged that “it is unlikely that the anti-American right-wingers will prevail over our friends on the Republican side of the aisle,” but still advised businessmen “to not take it for granted and continue to apply pressure on wavering senators and representatives.”

Obama Blames Hillary for Syria Fiasco

The revelation that the millions the U.S. spent to train anti-Assad rebels in Syria has netted a total of five trained fighters has sparked criticism from even the most reliable of apologists for his regime: the New York Times. “By any reasonable standard, this is a pathetic return on our investment,” the Times editorialized.

The Obama Administration, however, refused to accept responsibility. U.S. Press Secretary Josh Earnest strove to deflect blame by pointing out that “the president’s preference has always been to kill our country’s enemies via drone strikes. The decision to try to train local Syrian rebels was taken in adherence to the advice of then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. If anyone is at fault for the lack of substantive results from this training it has to be her.”

However, Hillary-for-President campaign manager Robby Mook rejected the Administration’s assessment of responsibility, saying that “it’s the president who is final decider on every policy of his Administration. Secretary Clinton merely advised him to opt for training the Syrians. It is the president who bears the ultimate responsibility for taking her advice. He can’t just shrug this off as someone else’s fault.”

Bush Stood on Tiptoes to “Level the Playing Field”

Videos showing the 6-foot, three-inch tall GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush oddly standing on tiptoes for the group photo prior to Wednesday night’s debate has stimulated some ridicule of the candidate. This ridicule has prompted Bush campaign manager David Kochel to defend his man by claiming that “it was an effort to level the playing field. Carly Fiorina gets to boost her height by wearing high heels. Why shouldn’t Jeb try to offset her unfair advantage by similarly elevating himself?”

Muslim Migrants Demand End to Oktoberfest

Muslim immigrants living in Germany are petitioning the government for a ban on the annual Oktoberfest. The 16-day festival held in Bavaria is viewed as anti-Muslim since one of its main activities is drinking beer. “We’re not against the Christians drinking alcohol in private,” petitioner Iham Faakhir. “But these public displays are an insult to our faith.”

Faakhir portrayed his petition as “an act of restraint. For now we are abiding by the western political practice of peacefully asserting our demand. But the kafirs should not try our patience. Sharia law gives us the right to impose morality by force if necessary.”

The German government is reportedly considering whether discontinuing Oktoberfest might be necessary in order to preserve the peace. German Minister of the Interior Gerhard Erzfeigling wondered “whether trying to maintain German traditions is worth the bloodshed that is apt to occur if we do not accommodate the sensitivities of the Muslim minority.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

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House Votes to Defund Corrupt Planned Parenthood

The U.S. House of Representatives voted today for legislation that would temporarily de-fund Planned Parenthood while an investigation continues into it s sale of aborted babies and their body parts.

Rep. Diane Black, a Tennessee Republican who is the pro-life lawmaker sponsoring the legislation and a nurse for more than 40 years, sponsored the legislation. The bill would freeze Planned Parenthood funding for one year while Congress conducts an investigation into its sales of aborted babies. The House vote would follow one the Senate had weeks ago, which saw Senate Democrats filibuster and block legislation to revoke $550 million in taxpayer funding. The Senate is expected to vote soon on a second attempt to de-fund Planned Parenthood.

A new Congressional report finds that de-funding the Planned Parenthood abortion business — even for one year — would save “several thousand” unborn babies from the nightmare of abortion. The report also finds de-funding Planned Parenthood would save the federal government $235 million.

During the debate, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy spoke on the House floor in defense of innocent human life and urged his colleagues to put a moratorium on Planned Parenthood funding in light of its barbaric practices.

SIGN THE PETITION! Congress Must De-Fund Planned Parenthood Immediately

“So if we know that this organization performs hundreds of thousands of abortions per year and we know that women have access to other sources for care, the question is, should we force taxpayers to fund a business that spends its money aborting 327,653 children per year?  Should we force taxpayers to fund an organization whose barbaric practices, as vividly shown in those videos, disregard and devalue the sanctity of the most innocent human lives?” he asked.

He added: “There is no reason—absolutely no reason—that we must choose between funding women’s health and compelling taxpayers to support abortion.”

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) talked about how Planned Parenthood is not in the business of women’s health care and is really just an abortion company. he said Planned Parenthood has “never, ever, ever done one mammogram, because they are not certified to do mammograms

“In the history of Planned Parenthood, they have never, ever, ever done one mammogram, because they are not certified to do mammograms. They bring people in and refer them out to get their mammograms. So, for those of us –like in my case, three daughters and a wife of 37 years –look, I want good women’s healthcare. So, let’s fund it,” he said. “But, let’s give it directly to the facilities that will do the mammograms and not Planned Parenthood – for them to take their cut.”

President Barack Obama has already threatened to veto the bill.

White House spokesman Josh Earnest confirmed that Obama will veto any bill that de-funds Planned Parenthood after 10 shocking videos found that it has sold aborted babies and their body parts.

“We’ve been quite forthright about the president’s opposition to any effort to wholesale defund Planned Parenthood,” Earnest told reporters Wednesday.

Earnest called it “cynical” to use the videos as a reason to de-fund the abortion company, saying it has apologized for the tone of the videos — though Planned Parenthood steadfastly defended selling aborted babies and their body parts for research.

In 2011, House members voted 241-185 for a resolution that would prohibit the Planned Parenthood abortion business from qualifying for family planning funds. The vote saw almost all Republicans supporting de-funding while Democrats generally opposed it. That was the second vote taken to de-fund the abortion giant. An earlier vote in 2011 saw the House de-funded Planned Parenthood on a 240-185 margin.

The 10th video by The Center for Medical Progress features several top-level Planned Parenthood executives discussing the organization’s secretive practices around aborted fetal parts harvesting. The video includes comments from Deborah VanDerhei, the National Director of the organization’s Consortium of Abortion Providers, describing the harvesting of fetal body parts as “donation for remuneration.”

A first hearing has exposed how Planned Parenthood is likely breaking multiple federal laws to sell aborted baby body parts. Next week, a second Congressional hearing into the Planned Parenthood abortion business will take place after 10 videos have exposed how the abortion company sells aborted babies and their body parts for research.

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The expose’ videos catching Planned Parenthood officials selling the body parts of aborted babies have shocked the nation. Here is a list of all nine:

  • In the first video: Dr. Deborah Nucatola of Planned Parenthood commented on baby-crushing: “We’ve been very good at getting heart, lung, liver, because we know that, so I’m not gonna crush that part, I’m gonna basically crush below, I’m gonna crush above, and I’m gonna see if I can get it all intact.”
  • In the second video: Planned Parenthood’s Dr. Mary Gatter joked, “I want a Lamborghini” as she negotiated the best price for baby parts.
  • In the third video: Holly O’Donnell, a former Stem Express employee who worked inside a Planned Parenthood clinic, detailed first-hand the unspeakable atrocities and how she fainted in horror over handling baby legs.
  • In the fourth video: Planned Parenthood’s Dr. Savita Ginde stated, “We don’t want to do just a flat-fee (per baby) of like, $200. A per-item thing works a little better, just because we can see how much we can get out of it.” She also laughed while looking at a plate of fetal kidneys that were “good to go.”
  • In the fifth video: Melissa Farrell of Planned Parenthood-Gulf Coast in Houston boasted of Planned Parenthood’s skill in obtaining “intact fetal cadavers” and how her “research” department “contributes so much to the bottom line of our organization here, you know we’re one of the largest affiliates, our Research Department is the largest in the United States.”
  • In the sixth video: Holly O’Donnell described technicians taking fetal parts without patient consent: “There were times when they would just take what they wanted. And these mothers don’t know. And there’s no way they would know.”
  • In the seventh and perhaps most disturbing video: Holly O’Donnell described the harvesting, or “procurement,” of organs from a nearly intact late-term fetus aborted at Planned Parenthood Mar Monte’s Alameda clinic in San Jose, CA. “‘You want to see something kind of cool,’” O’Donnell says her supervisor asked her. “And she just taps the heart, and it starts beating. And I’m sitting here and I’m looking at this fetus, and its heart is beating, and I don’t know what to think.”
  • In the eighth video: StemExpress CEO Cate Dyer admits Planned Parenthood sells “a lot of” fully intact aborted babies.
  • The ninth video: catches a Planned Parenthood medical director discussing how the abortion company sells fully intact aborted babies — including one who “just fell out” of the womb.
  • The 10th video: catches the nation’s biggest abortion business selling specific body parts — including the heart, eyes and “gonads” of unborn babies.The video also shows the shocking ways in which Planned Parenthood officials admit that they are breaking federal law by selling aborted baby body parts for profit.

SIGN THE PETITION! Congress Must Investigate Planned Parenthood for Selling Aborted Baby Parts

So far, 12 states have responded to the Planned Parenthood videos and launched investigations into their abortion and organ harvesting business including South Carolina, Florida, Tennessee, Massachusetts, KansasMissouri, Arizona, Indiana, Ohio, Georgia, Texas and Louisiana. The district attorney in Houston Texas is also investigating after the Houston-based Planned Parenthood abortion facility was caught selling aborted babies.

Congress has expanded its investigation into the Planned Parenthood abortion business and five states have revoked taxpayer funding for Planned Parenthood’s abortion business, including Utah, Arkansas, Alabama, New Hampshire and Louisiana and Iowa’s governor has ordered a review of Planned Parenthood funding.

The full, unedited videos have confirmed that revelations that some aborted baby remains sold by Planned Parenthood go to biotech companies for the purpose of creating “humanized” mice. Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood has been exposed as having sold body parts from aborted babies for as much as 15 years.

The federal law that technically prohibits the sale of aborted babies and their body parts was written by a pro-abortion Congressman decades ago and essentially spells out a process by which sellers of aborted baby body parts can meet certain criteria that allows the sales to be legal. That’s why a Colorado congressman has introduced legislation to totally ban the sales of aborted baby body parts.


A Yea vote is for de-funding Planned Parenthood:

—- AYES    241 —

Bishop (MI)
Bishop (UT)
Brady (TX)
Brooks (AL)
Brooks (IN)
Carter (GA)
Carter (TX)
Clawson (FL)
Collins (GA)
Collins (NY)
Costello (PA)
Curbelo (FL)
Davis, Rodney
Duncan (SC)
Duncan (TN)
Ellmers (NC)
Emmer (MN)
Franks (AZ)
Graves (GA)
Graves (LA)
Graves (MO)
Heck (NV)
Herrera Beutler
Hice, Jody B.
Huizenga (MI)
Hurd (TX)
Hurt (VA)
Jenkins (KS)
Jenkins (WV)
Johnson (OH)
Johnson, Sam
Kelly (MS)
Kelly (PA)
King (NY)
Kinzinger (IL)
McMorris Rodgers
Miller (FL)
Miller (MI)
Mooney (WV)
Murphy (PA)
Poe (TX)
Price, Tom
Rice (SC)
Roe (TN)
Rogers (AL)
Rogers (KY)
Rooney (FL)
Ryan (WI)
Scott, Austin
Smith (MO)
Smith (NE)
Smith (NJ)
Smith (TX)
Thompson (PA)
Walters, Mimi
Weber (TX)
Webster (FL)
Wilson (SC)
Young (AK)
Young (IA)
Young (IN)

—- NOES    187 — 

Bishop (GA)
Boyle, Brendan F.
Brady (PA)
Brown (FL)
Brownley (CA)
Carson (IN)
Castor (FL)
Castro (TX)
Chu, Judy
Clark (MA)
Clarke (NY)
Davis (CA)
Davis, Danny
Doyle, Michael F.
Frankel (FL)
Green, Al
Green, Gene
Heck (WA)
Jackson Lee
Johnson (GA)
Johnson, E. B.
Kelly (IL)
Larsen (WA)
Larson (CT)
Lieu, Ted
Lujan Grisham (NM)
Luján, Ben Ray (NM)
Maloney, Carolyn
Maloney, Sean
Murphy (FL)
Price (NC)
Rice (NY)
Ryan (OH)
Sánchez, Linda T.
Sanchez, Loretta
Scott (VA)
Scott, David
Sewell (AL)
Swalwell (CA)
Thompson (MS)
Van Hollen
Wasserman Schultz
Waters, Maxine
Watson Coleman
Wilson (FL)


House Passes Cong. Franks’ Life Bill

If the U.S. Senate passes this bill as well, President Barack Obama will veto it because he is totally beholden to abortion, Planned Parenthood and the culture of death. Nevertheless, we praise Congressman Trent Franks and all voted for this bill. They did the right thing.

028_29Washington, D.C.— Today the House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act (H.R. 3504) by a vote of 248-177, 1 Present. The legislation, sponsored by the Subcommittee on the Constitution and Civil Justice Chairman Trent Franks (R-Ariz.), would protect all children who are born alive.

The Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act severely penalizes abortion practitioners who violate federal law by killing innocent children who are born during failed abortion procedures. The provisions of the bill directly address concerns raised throughout the House Judiciary Committee’s ongoing investigation into Planned Parenthood. Under this bill, if a born-alive child is cut open for its body parts, or some other overt act is taken to kill the child, the punishment is that for first-degree murder, which can include life in prison or the death penalty.

House Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.) and the Subcommittee on the Constitution and Civil Justice Chairman Trent Franks released the following statement after the passage of the bill:

“Today the House of Representatives made a strong statement for children who have no voice in the face of atrocities committed by abortionists. This legislation sends a strong message to those who are in the horrific business of abortions that there are real consequences for those who would kill or abandon children after they are outside a mother’s womb. Today’s debate is a somber reminder of the horrors of abortion, and the atrocities that abortionists like Kermit Gosnell can inflict on babies.

“We are proud that this bill also addresses a primary issue within the House Judiciary Committee’s investigation into Planned Parenthood. At the heart of Planned Parenthood’s alleged activities is the harvesting of fetal body parts for profit. This bill severely punishes those abortion practitioners who would kill an innocent baby in order to harvest baby parts.

“We wish to thank our colleagues for supporting this important piece of legislation for the unborn.”

Key Provisions:

  • In the case of an abortion or attempted abortion that results in a child born alive, any health care practitioner present must exercise the same degree of professional care to preserve the life of the child as they would render to any other child born alive at the same gestational age.
  • Provides that the child must be immediately transported and admitted to a hospital.
  • The bill requires the reporting of any known violations of its provisions.
  • Allows a woman to file a civil lawsuit if her live baby was not treated with the care and respect required by the bill.

Cong. Kirkpatrick Among National Leaders for Accepting Planned Parenthood Blood Money

No. 17: Ann Kirkpatrick
$31,650 received from Planned Parenthood, which is under investigation for illegally selling dead baby body parts; which is being sued for not reporting the rapes of under-age girls and allowing their rapists to offend again; and under investigation for illegally over-billing the federal government

PARTY: Democrat
FEDERAL OFFICE: U.S. representative for Arizona’s 1st Congressional District (2009-11; 2013-present); Candidate for 2016 Democratic nomination for Senate to challenge incumbent John McCain (R)