Bill Whittle on Racism in America

Cromnibus Puts Taxpayers on Hook for Bank Losses

Folder2 104By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

The House-passed $1.1 trillion Continuing Resolution contains a clause that exposes taxpayers to a potential $300 trillion liability for bank losses in derivatives trading. The rider to the CR was the “brain child” of Citigroup. The rider is opposed by both tea party Republicans and left wing Democrats, but is strongly supported by House GOP leadership and President Obama.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif), charged that “this maneuver puts the lie to the contention that the GOP is the Party of small government. This is a big government pay off to Wall Street financiers. I’m enormously disappointed that the White House has gone along with this.”

President Obama, though, reminded Pelosi that “Wall Street has been a good friend to the Democratic Party. They’ve donated more to us than to the Republicans. Besides, the risk to taxpayers is only theoretical. As long as the covered bank investments are profitable the taxpayers won’t have to pay a cent in bailout money.”

House Speaker John Boehner hailed “the cooperation between us and the President as a sign that a new era of mutually beneficial attitudes and actions is upon us” and derided “those who would place ideological purity ahead of successful governance. The banking industry is crucial to the US economy. We cannot afford to let it fail because of a misplaced devotion to free market theories that investors ought to bear all their own risks.”

In related news, Boehner single-handedly killed the Freedom of Information Improvement Act. The Act, which would have eased citizen access to government files, was unanimously passed by the Senate. Boehner refused to allow the House to vote on it. “The task of governing this country is difficult enough without us having to have everything we do subject to minute scrutiny,” Boehner explained. “People will be happier if they just relax and let us do our jobs.”

NY Governor Orders Insurers to Cover Sex Reassignment Surgery

New York’s Governor Andrew Cuomo (D) decreed that insurers operating in his state must cover sex reassignment surgery. Up to now insurance has typically not covered this on the grounds that it is elective rather than the result of an unforeseen illness or injury.

The whole idea behind insurance is that it allows the buyer to protect himself against events that he cannot control,” said industry spokesman Barbara Arian. “No one opts to come down with a life-threatening disease or to be maimed in an accident. We can insure against these events because we and the insured both aim to avoid them. But sex-changes aren’t inflicted on unwilling victims. They are chosen.”

The effect of the Governor’s edict is to compel the pool of insured to subsidize the choices of the tiny minority who elect to have this expensive alteration to their bodies,” Arian continued. “The Governor’s mandate isn’t an expansion of insurance coverage. It’s robbing Peter to pay for Paul’s new genitals.”

Cuomo disagreed with the contention that sex change surgery is elective. “If a person is born with a congenital defect like a cleft palate, insurance covers it,” Cuomo pointed out. “Why shouldn’t insurance cover the more drastic defect of being born into the wrong gender?”

The Governor also rebuffed critics’ contentions that he lacks the authority to create this new state law. “What I may lack in constitutionally granted authority is overridden by the inherent moral authority possessed by every ruler,” he asserted. “As President Obama has recently demonstrated with his amnesty decree, those of us who govern must look to a higher authority than some piece of paper concocted by deceased politicians.”

Illegal Immigrant Sues Border Patrol

Illegal immigrant Jose Manuel Marino-Najera has filed suit against the US Border Patrol for dog bite injuries he sustained during his arrest. Marino-Najera was among a group of immigrants smuggling marijuana across the border. He is alleging that his human rights were violated.

Those border guards disobeyed their own President Obama,” Marino-Najera declared. “He says I have a right to go where I want. They should have given me food and water, not sicced their dogs on me.”

Marino-Najera’s lawyer Susan Horschidt claims that “the trauma my client experienced has given him nightmares that have ruined his life. No amount of money damages can adequately restore him to the status of a fully functioning member of society. The punitive damages we are seeking are needed to send a message that this sort of inhumane atrocity must not be repeated.”

Congressman Demands Investigation of FDIC “Choke Point” Policy

Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyer (R-Mo) is demanding an investigation of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation’s “Operation Choke Point” practices. Under these practices, the FDIC pressured banks to freeze or close accounts of businesses that the US Department of Justice designated as “anti-social enterprises.” Among the businesses targeted by DOJ are firearms sellers, coin dealers, and pharmaceutical sales.

Martin Gruenberg, chairman of the FDIC, admitted that “while these businesses are not illegal, per se, the president has made it very clear that they are outside the boundary of the type of businesses he thinks we ought to have in our society. There is no valid need for them. Yet, hiding behind a so-called right to free enterprise, the firms engaged in these businesses undermine our collective well-being.”

In contrast, Luetkemeyer denounced the Operation Choke Point program as “an illegal suppression of the Constitutional and natural right of people to engage in voluntary exchanges. The president has every right to urge people not to buy the products of any business. He and his minions do not have the right to conduct a covert campaign of harassment and abuse aimed at driving these businesses out of the marketplace.”

In an attempt to curb this FDIC abuse, Luetkemeyer has drafted a bill—the Financial Institution Customer Protection Act. Gruenberg, however, remained confident that it poses no threat. “First of all, for this bill to become law it needs the President’s signature,” Gruenberg observed. “That will never happen. But even if were to override his veto, the president could simply refuse to enforce it. We will continue to do what the President wants. There is nothing Congress can do to stop that.”

Ferguson Rioters Object to Time Magazine Decision

Time magazine’s editors’ selection of the Ebola fighters as the recipients of the publication’s annual “person of the year” designation greatly riled some of the leaders of the Ferguson, Missouri riots.

It’s just another case demonstrating that Black lives don’t matter,” complained arsonist Monte Burns. “An innocent Black man was shot down on our streets. Now a white magazine is trying to sweep that under the rug by pushing a story about some germs.”

The Ebola fighters haven’t done anything to help right the social injustices that plague America,” insisted Ferguson looter Robbie Moore. “We’re taking direct action to redistribute the wealth. Most of the people the Ebola fighters are treating end up dying—leaving this injustice untouched.”

Moore remained unmoved by the fact that most of the lives saved by the Ebola fighters are Blacks. “That’s in Africa,” Moore retorted. “In Africa Blacks are the majority. They’re not fighting for minority rights against white oppression like Michael Brown was, and we are continuing in his memory. President Obama said we triggered the nation’s conscience. That’s got to be a bigger accomplishment than curing a few Africans of an African disease in a far away land.”

Venezuelan President Calls American Oil Fracking “Act of Aggression”

With his country’s economy on the ropes due to declining oil prices, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro blamed the United States oil fracking industry.

It is an act of aggression against my country and a crime against humanity,” Maduro maintained. “Venezuela needs high oil prices to support our programs to feed our people. These frackers are destroying our ability to feed ourselves.”

While most economists see falling fuel prices as beneficial for the vast majority of consumers, Maduro complained that “most of the beneficiaries are rich, white Americans. Saving them money at our cost is a direct attack on my government’s ability to pacify our population.”

Maduro characterized the economic impact as “worse than if US troops had invaded. I could have rallied my people against that. But the decline in subsistence payments forced on me by falling oil prices is something the voters will blame on me.”

US President Obama expressed his sympathy for Maduro’s plight. “I don’t like low fuel prices anymore than he does. Boosting the cost of gasoline and heating oil has been a key plank of my program to promote environmentally friendly solar and wind power. This whole fracking thing has gotten out of hand. Reining it in is on my ‘to do’ list before I leave office.”

Obama Boasts that Successor Won’t Be Able to Undo Amnesty

President Obama taunted opponents of his executive action on illegal immigrants, boasting that “it’s permanent. No one will be able to unravel it. I’m not just granting them immunity from prosecution for illegally residing in the United States. I’m giving them ID documents, work permits, and Social Security numbers. They’ll have the paperwork making them indistinguishable from American citizens. They’ll be working and living in our neighborhoods. Their kids will be going to your kids’ schools. They’ll be voting in our elections. Any efforts to reverse the rights I’ve bestowed will be punished at the polls.”

Rather than embark on a futile quest to evict these immigrants, Republicans might want to learn Spanish,” the President advised. “That way they’ll be able to understand the new multicultural regime that will grow out of my innovative action on this issue.”

In related news, Obama urged undocumented immigrants to apply for public welfare. “A lot of these migrants don’t realize that they are as entitled to benefits as legal residents are,” the President observed. “Their ‘piece of the pie’ share of America’s wealth is theirs for the taking. It would be foolish to let it go unclaimed.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Obama Takes the Fifth

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104The Obama Administration defied a court order to turn over documents the IRS illegally shared with the White House in its political vendetta against 2500 conservative organizations.

Secretary of the Treasury Jacob Lew, Obama’s former White House Chief of Staff, maintains that “for us to be compelled to testify against ourselves would violate the the Constitution’s Fifth Amendment. And if there’s one thing that this Administration will defend to the last it is the inviolability of the Constitution.”

The specific clause the Secretary is referring to is the one barring the government from compelling an individual in a criminal case to be a witness against himself. The use of this clause in order to protect the government from inquiries on behalf of the citizens would appear to invert the intent of the Amendment.

Nonetheless, Lew was adamant in his insistence that “I am an individual. The president is an individual. The sharing of the IRS records with the White House is a crime. So, I think we’re within our rights to refuse the court’s unconstitutional ruling mandating that we, in effect, be forced to verify our illegal activities.”

Lew rebuffed the plaintiff’s contention that the privacy of the affected taxpayers could be protected by redacting confidential information. “The privacy of these taxpayers is just one small part of the issue,” he argued. “None of these taxpayers face jail in this dispute. At worst, their ability to actively oppose the Administration’s policies may have been impeded a bit and there may have been some harassment and intimidation by the IRS, but these are the normal tactics administrations have traditionally used against opponents since FDR. None of these previous administrations were forced to disclose their illegal tactics. Enforcing the law against the administration of America’s first Black president would be racist. We will not be a party to that.”

Consumers to Blame for Obamacare’s Failures

Former Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius attempted to defend the Affordable Care Act health insurance scheme she helped establish by blaming consumers for its shortcomings.

A lot of Americans have no idea what insurance is about,” Sebelius said. “It’s a complicated product that few are competent to purchase. In hindsight, our biggest mistake was probably trying to incorporate a modicum of individual choice into the system.”

If we had just set up a single-payer government-run health insurance regime a lot of the complaints that riled the general public could have been avoided,” she continued. “All of the caterwauling over the bronze, silver, and platinum plans would never had arisen. Health experts would have determined precisely what services each person should receive using a collective national benefit metric—kind of like what what we do for active and retired military personnel.”

Sebelius blamed Republicans. “Their intransigent opposition to socialized medicine derailed us from the course we wanted to take,” she claimed. “Only by having the government take care of the necessities of life can people truly be free. What person doesn’t fondly remember the carefree days of their childhood when their parents took care of them? Until we institute a comprehensive in loco parentis state we will never be able to replicate that.”

Opponents of Amnesty Oppose Human Rights

Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson characterized congressional opponents of amnesty for illegal immigrants as “enemies of human rights.”

The constant questions about how the president’s deferred deportation program helps Americans exposes the selfishness and inhumanity of his critics,” Johnson asserted. “Since when is everything we do supposed to benefit Americans? After all, Americans are a tiny portion of humanity. Why should their interests be permitted to override the well-being of the other 96 percent?”

A case could be made that 4 percent of the world population consuming 20 percent of world output is unfair,” Johnson observed. “Since it is clear that the vast majority of those President Obama’s immigration policy is benefiting are impoverished refugees I’d have to say he is moving toward a more equitable redistribution of the wealth. For the GOP to insinuate that this is somehow wrong is indecency personified.”

In related news, Johnson announced that two members of a terrorist group from Turkey were released under a court order. “As I understand it, the judge said that the mere aspiration to carry out an attack is insufficient cause for punitive action against them,” Johnson said. “Neither was the fact that they entered the country illegally. The judge cited President Obama’s new law allowing illegal immigrants to stay in this country and be provided with identification documents and voter registrations as the authority for his decision.”

Scrutiny of Planned Parenthood’s Billings to Medicaid Decried

Fear is building that Wisconsin’s Department of Health Office of Inspector General (OIG) investigation of Planned Parenthood’s over billing of the state’s Medicaid program for services rendered may endanger the financial health of the organization. For example, Planned Parenthood has been billing the state twice the allowable amount for the abortifacient contraceptive Yaz.

Beth Hartung, president of the Wisconsin Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association, called the financial reimbursement rules “unreasonable. The mark-ups we attach to these drugs is what helps subsidize services that the state program doesn’t cover.” One of those uncovered programs is surgical abortions.

Squeezing the profit out of one part of our operation threatens the success of the entire operation,” Hartung complained. “Governor Walker’s rigid interpretation of the law goes against the ‘live and let live’ understanding we had with previous administrations. If he doesn’t relent our very survival will be put at risk.”

Jeb Bush Outlines Bizarre Strategy for Prospective 2016 Presidential Race

Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush (R) is reputed to be weighing his options for a possible bid for the presidency in the 2016 election. His statements, thus far, however raise serious questions regarding his grasp of the process. At issue is his avowed plan to win the general election by losing the primaries.

In Bush’s view, the GOP primaries have been co-opted by the Party’s conservative base. The problem with this is that “the conservative base preaches a message of individual liberty that is at odds with the communitarian future I envision for America and the world,” Bush said. “The era of each person looking out for himself is over. GOP resistance to this reality is what will keep it from ever winning the presidency again.”

The former Governor says that “by consistently and repeatedly losing in the GOP primaries I will establish solid credentials as a ‘new kind of Republican’–one that Democrats and Independents won’t be afraid to vote for in the general election.”

A possible stumbling block to Jeb’s strategy, though, is the likelihood that the winner of the GOP primaries will be the Party’s nominee in the general election. Not to worry, Jeb expressed confidence that this handicap would be overcome. “My father was president. My brother was president. It just seems that becoming president is my destiny. Someway, somehow, it will happen. Strings will be pulled. Favors will be paid off. As long as I think positively about it I feel everything will be okay.”

Missouri Guv Explains Absence of National Guard at Ferguson Riots

Governor Jay Nixon (D) explained why, despite pleas from Lieutenant Governor Peter Kinder and Ferguson Mayor James Knowles, the state’s National Guard troops weren’t immediately dispatched to quell the riots.

I couldn’t risk National Guard troops shooting people like they did at Kent State in 1970,” Nixon offered. “Then the blood would be on my hands and Neil Young would write a song about me…me. It’s bad enough that I already share an unfortunate surname with former President Nixon. I didn’t want to replicate his actions.”

The Governor characterized the contention that troops might have lessened the damage as “pure speculation. Even if we had suppressed the violence on one particular occasion that wouldn’t have assuaged the pent up anger. Rather than stifle it now only to have it break out later I felt we had to let it go.”

The “saving grace” of his nonintervention approach according to Nixon is that “the state government would play no role in the mayhem. All of the burning and looting would be the responsibility of the private citizens committing these crimes and the local police who failed to stop it. My hands would be clean.”

As for the victims of the looting and burning, Nixon reminded everyone that “opening a business entails a certain amount of risk. No one forced these people to invest in commercial enterprises. Just because their personal quest for profit may have suffered a setback is not my responsibility. Anyway, for what its worth, it looked to me like the rioters outnumbered the victims. From a democratic perspective, how could I have justified siding with the minority by denying the majority the opportunity to express their opinions concerning the decision of the grand jury not to indict Wilson? Shouldn’t freedom of expression trump mere protection of property?”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Obama Contends He Has Shown Restraint on Immigration

Folder2 104By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

President Obama characterized GOP critics of his Executive Order granting new rights to illegal immigrants as “excessively whiny. I’ve been really quite restrained compared to what I could have done.”

To help illustrate his self-imposed mercy, the President reminded his critics that “President Lincoln was far harsher with his critics than I have been. Hundreds of men were summarily arrested and their property confiscated for their criticism of his actions to suppress the secessionist movement. I have, as yet, done nothing of a similar nature, though my advisers tell me I’d be within my rights to do so.”

Neither have I threatened any of my critics with execution, as Lincoln and his cabinet did on a regular basis during the Civil War,” Obama added. “So, on balance, I’d recommend that the GOP consider themselves lucky that their biggest complaint is that I’m ignoring the law and the Constitution. How far they wish to push their luck is something they may want to weigh very carefully. I am the nation’s Commander-in-Chief and, like Lincoln, I have a host of well-armed men ready to carry out whatever orders I give them.”

In related news, Obama’s Executive Order on immigration has received the endorsement of Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto who hailed “this first step toward the restoration of our rights taken away by the Americans in their war of aggression in 1846-48.”

Hillary’s Steep Speaking Fees Justified

Recently retired Secretary of State and probable future presidential candidate Hillary Clinton continues to knock down hefty $300,000 per appearance fees for her speaking engagements. Husband and former President Bill Clinton maintains that this compensation is “fully justified.”

Considering that Hillary has dedicated her life to serving this country it is about time that she garners the kind of compensation she deserves,” the $250,000 per speech former US Chief Executive asserted. “Stingy taxpayers and their slavish Congressional representatives prevent the talented people who serve in government from being adequately rewarded for their self-sacrificing service. Redressing this injustice shouldn’t be criticized.”

Clinton cited the failure of Hillary’s memoir of her time as Secretary of State as a further justification for the ploy of having university officials act as intermediaries in rectifying the general reading public’s indifference to her screed. “The average book buyer isn’t really competent to judge the worth of Hillary’s efforts,” Bill contended. “Fortunately, those who run the nation’s institutions of higher learning can override this slight.”

University students and donors who questioned the propriety of spending so much on a speech by a single individual have been dismissed by university officials as “out of step with the bigger picture. The contention that this money could be better spent to provide a wider array of educational benefits is mistaken. It is not the run-of-the-mill cohort of our population that needs to be nurtured, but the truly great minority.”

Former President Clinton suggested that “those who would begrudge Hillary this financial payoff can easily remedy the situation by electing her president in 2016. Then they will be able to see and hear her speak for free on their own TV sets on a regular basis.”

Ferguson Riots Dwarfed by 1965’s Watts Riots

Jealous of all the media attention being given to the riots in Ferguson Missouri, Los Angeles City Councilman Bernard Parks has introduced a resolution calling for a celebration of the 50th anniversary of the Watts Riots.

From all the hoopla attached to the recent events in Ferguson you’d think that this riot is the most significant Black uprising against white oppression in recent memory, but you’d be wrong,” Parks said. “Back in 1965 the Black Community devastated Watts causing 34 deaths, 1,032 injuries, and over $40 million in property damage. Over 3,000 people were arrested. What went down in Ferguson fell far short of this accomplishment.”

Regardless of the differences in magnitude of the destruction in Watts and Ferguson, the majority of the businesses burned and looted in both instances were minority owned. According to Ferguson protester Buster Scully, though, “that’s okay. Genuine Blacks don’t own businesses. That’s a white behavior. Weeding out the ‘oreos’ among us is one of the key steps in the revolution against capitalist oppression.”

In related news, Members of the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) denounced the grand jury that refused to indict Officer Darren Wilson. “The rioting and destruction that has resulted has demonstrated the cost of placing the rights of one white individual ahead of the collective rights of the Black Community,” complained CBC Chair Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio). “Whether in a technical sense Wilson’s actions were necessary to preserve his life is less important than the social cost of his doing so. The greater good of the greater number sometimes requires the sacrifice of the one for the sake of the many.”

Schumer Says Enacting Obamacare Was a Mistake

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) stirred up an intra-Party squabble by asserting that 2010’s passage of the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, was a mistake.

At best, the number of prospective beneficiaries was small,” Schumer pointed out. “And, as it turned out, was vastly outnumbered by those hurt by the legislation. The deceptions required to ensure the bill’s passage were easily pierced as Americans found out they could not keep their doctors or health plans they liked and that the cost of their insurance was going to be higher. There was no way the Democratic Party could escape blame.”

What Democrats should have done, according to Schumer was “stick with the tried-and-true strategy of bailouts and stimulus. Handing out money is always popular. The recipients love it. Even if the projects the government selects go belly up, like Solyndra did, hardly anyone notices. The damages are widely dispersed among all taxpayers and can also be diluted by inflation. No individuals see thousand dollar increases in insurance premiums or get frustrated finding they have to pay a $10,000 deductible before any benefits accrue.”

Schumer worried that “the image of government may have been fatally tainted by the Obamacare debacle. The high-profile failure of Obamacare to work as promised combined with the unfortunate public boasting of Professor Gruber is added ammunition for the critics of big government. The image of competence and benevolence that our Party has carefully crafted since Roosevelt’s New Deal is in danger of being destroyed.”

Dems Rebuff GOP Criticism of Illinois

The Republican Party’s efforts to cite Illinois as a dire example of what happens when Democrats run a state was strongly contested by that state’s leading Democrats.

Republicans say that the fact that there are more people on welfare in the state than are working is a sign of poor government policies. Governor Pat Quinn characterized this argument as “misleading. The fact that a prosperous minority is able to support the majority is a triumph of democracy. The ‘haves’ caring for the ‘have nots’ is the implementation of a moral ideal that lies at the core of every major religion.”

Quinn also pooh-poohed GOP concerns about the state’s $78 billion in unfunded pension obligations—worse than any other state in the country. “The Republican assumption that this will turn into a fiscal disaster overlooks the very real possibility that President Obama will issue an Executive Order authorizing the US Treasury to fund any shortfall,” Quinn argued. “We’ve already seen how the President has broken free of restrictions that even he had previously feared to shuck off on the immigration issue. Can reasonable people really believe that he would allow these obsolete fetters to keep him from rescuing his home state?”

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel totally rejected the GOP idea that his city’s impressively high murder rate has anything to do with any policies he might have instituted. “To apply white standards to this largely Black phenomenon is supremely insensitive and racist,” he insisted. “People who can afford to settle their disputes in court have no business criticizing the less costly methods of conflict resolution chosen by the poor.”

US State Department Assails Israel’s Anti-Terrorist Steps

Israel’s practice of destroying the homes of terrorists and its proposed legislation to deny them publicly-funded retirement benefits were assailed by US State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki.

The right to adequate housing and retirement benefits are human rights that were first implemented by President Franklin Roosevelt in this country 80 years ago,” Psaki observed. “They have since been adopted by the United Nations as fundamental rights. For Israel to interfere with the universal application of these fundamental rights is a crime against the human race.”

Psaki refused to accept Israel’s contention that such measures were legitimate efforts to combat terrorists in their midst. “The effectiveness or necessity of these measures cannot overcome their intrinsic injustice,” she argued. “Besides, throwing terrorists into the street can only serve to stoke their sense of grievance. Likewise, cutting them off from retirement pensions will only force them to continue to ply their trade. It seems to us that pensioning off terrorists might be a more gentle and effective way to ween them away from blowing up buildings and killing killing people.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Founder of Wealthiest Homosexual Pressure Group Charged with Raping Boy

By Matt Barber

Yet another high-profile homosexual activist has been arrested for homosexual assault on a child. This time authorities bagged a big fish (a rainbow trout?) in boy-loving real estate mogul Terrence Patrick Bean. Bean co-founded the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), which is one of the world’s largest, wealthiest and most powerful anti-Christian, pro-homosexual organizations. Bean is also a major bundler for the DNC and BFFs with Barack and Michelle Obama. He helped found HRC for the sole purpose of pushing the extremist homosexual political agenda. While, not surprisingly, HRC rushed to scrub its website of any reference to his existence, even now Bean remains on this extremist group’s board of directors.

As reported in the Oregonian and a handful of other publications (don’t expect widespread media coverage on this), 66-year-old Terry Bean and his 25-year-old twinkie boy toy, Kiah Loy Lawson, have been arrested and charged with felonies for allegedly sodomizing a 15-year-old boy.

“Bean has been one of the state’s biggest Democratic donors and an influential figure in gay rights circles in the state,” reports the Oregonian. “He helped found two major national political groups, the Human Rights Campaign and the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, and has been a major contributor for several Democratic presidential candidates, including Barack Obama. He’s also a close friend of former Gov. Barbara Roberts.”

While speaking at a recent HRC event, President Obama noted his close friendship with Bean: “To my great friend and supporter, Terry Bean, co-founder of HRC,” he gushed.

“Bean’s Flickr account shows him talking with Obama at several events, posing with first lady Michelle Obama and numerous other political figures, including former President Bill Clinton.”

Just two years ago, 68-year-old Larry Brinkin, another high-profile and similarly respected (at least among Democrats) homosexual activist, was arrested in San Francisco for possessing and distributing reams of child pornography.

CNS News reported at the time:

“Police said that Brinkin, a former city employee, apparently had photos of children, as young as 1 or 2 years old, performing sexual acts and being sodomized by adult men. …”

“Concerning Brinkin, Theresa Sparks, director of the Human Rights Commission, told the Huffington Post, ‘It’s almost incredulous, there’s no way I could believe such a thing.’

“‘He’s always been one of my heroes, and he’s the epitome of human rights activist,’ she said. ‘This is [the] man who coined phrases we use in our daily language. I support Larry 100 percent; hopefully it will all come out in the investigation.’”

Brinkin pleaded guilty to all charges.

Yep – these monsters are “heroes” to both the HRC and the larger “gay” activist community.

Ever wonder why?

The cases of Bean and Brinkin follow a long-established pattern as old as the ancient Greek bathhouse. It’s not just homosexual priestly predators on the prowl in the Catholic Church. From pedophile “LGBT” hero Harvey Milk, to high-profile “gay activists” like Duke University’s Frank Lombard and USC’s Walter Lee Williams, the homosexual lust for young flesh seems insatiable.

Of course, not every “gay” man, self-identified or otherwise, is a pedophile, but studies indicate demonstrably that homosexual assaults against boys occur at an alarmingly disproportionate rate when compared to heterosexual assaults. The very act of a man molesting a boy unquestionably involves both same-sex attraction and homosexual behavior (a “gay” by any other name …).

Consider, for instance, a study published in the left-leaning Archives of Sexual Behavior, of over 200 convicted pedophiles. It found that “86 percent of offenders against males described themselves as homosexual or bisexual.” This demonstrates, as noted by Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council: “Since almost 30 percent of child sexual abuse is committed by homosexual or bisexual men (one-third male-on-male abuse times 86 percent identifying as homosexual or bisexual), but less than 3 percent of American men identify themselves as homosexual or bisexual, we can infer that homosexual or bisexual men are approximately 10 times more likely to molest children than heterosexual men.”

But don’t repeat these facts out loud or you might find yourself on the hard-left Southern Poverty Law Center’s (SPLC) “hate group” smear list.

This homosexual abuse creates, at least in significant measure, a vicious cycle of abuse that has helped to populate the larger “LGBT” community. Again, the peer-reviewed research bears out this tragic reality.

Researchers from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), for instance, found that “gay” men are “at least three times more likely to report CSA (childhood sexual abuse).”

The aforementioned Archives of Sexual Behavior likewise determined in a 2001 study that nearly half of all “gay”-identified men were molested by a homosexual pedophile: “46 percent of homosexual men and 22 percent of homosexual women reported having been molested by a person of the same gender. This contrasts to only 7 percent of heterosexual men and 1 percent of heterosexual women reporting having been molested by a person of the same gender.”

Though citing these studies snaps “progressive” heads like Pop Rocks, the connection between homosexual abuse and “gay identity” is irrefutable. Perhaps this is why groups like Bean’s HRC have worked so hard to ban therapy for minors who, as a result of being homosexually assaulted by “gay” men, begin to experience unwanted same-sex attraction and want to take necessary measures to diminish or heal these disordered impulses.

“How many more children will have to be molested before America realizes the damage being inflicted by HRC and other gay activists,” asks former homosexual Christopher Doyle, president of the ex-gay rights group Voice of the Voiceless. “Instead of trying to keep sexually abused and confused children out of the counseling office, HRC and their allies need to take a hard look in the mirror at their tactics to secure ‘equality’ and stop using innocent, sexually confused children as pawns in their political agenda.”

“It is outrageous and tragic that the founder of the largest gay activist organization in the world is molesting boys, while at the same time their leadership is pushing for laws across the United States to keep those same boys out of the counseling office to heal trauma at the hands of homosexual pedophiles.”

What say you, HRC?

Chirp, chirp.
Read more at http://sonsoflibertymedia.com/2014/11/deafening-silence-obama-buddy-hrc-founder-charged-rape-15-year-old-boy/

President’s Usurpation of Legislative Authority Hailed by Democrats

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104President Obama’s decision to enact immigration reform legislation that Congress has refused to enact inspired some lavish praise from fellow Democrats.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) called it “a courageous first step. President Obama’s determination to take a politically unpopular position so soon after voters elected a Republican dominated Congress stakes out new ground in the battle for control over the government and policy.”

It’s important that we build upon the President’s innovation and transform our nation from the archaic plan of trying to extract policy from a fragmented legislative body, where no one has a mandate for governing, to a more modern structure where the will of the one man elected to represent all of the people prevails,” Pelosi said. “At this turning point in our history I am hoping that Congress will get behind the President’s leadership and give it an ex post facto endorsement by passing a bill codifying his decision.”

Rep. Raul Grijalva (D-Ariz) praised “this bold step in the right direction,” but also called upon Republicans “to pick up their half of the burden by enacting the President’s policies into law. To leave the President alone on a limb exposes him to criticism that he has acted outside his authority. Well, President Lincoln acted outside his authority when he suspend the right of habeas corpus, but Congress later legalized what he had done. Instead of focusing on President Obama’s so-called ‘lawlessness,’ I’m hoping the current GOP leadership can be as patriotic as their Party’s leaders were in 1861.”

Senate Democratic Whip Dick Durbin (Ill) lamented that “the President’s actions do not go far enough. His vow to legalize 4 to 5 million illegal immigrants still leaves tens of millions of current illegal residents at risk, not to mention the tens of millions more we cam expect to stream across our southern border in response to this current iteration of amnesty.”

Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) insisted that “inaction by the Republican-controlled House of Representatives forced President Obama to take the law into his own hands. If they had simply enacted the legislation he wanted he wouldn’t have had to enact it by himself. They’re the ones responsible for him stepping over the line.”

White House communications director Jennifer Palmieri dismissed fears that Obama’s action on immigration shreds the Constitution. “The President has been modifying the Constitution for nearly six years now,” she pointed out. “For the GOP to go nuts over this latest modification makes no sense.”

In related news, Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson predicts that a resumed surge of illegal immigration can be expected. “When we compare the poverty of Latin America with the wealth of the United States, the attraction should be obvious,” Johnson observed. “As word of the success of the earlier waves of immigrants—they’re not being deported, they’re getting access to a wide array of public services and benefits unavailable where they came from—filters back, more can be expected to make the one-way journey.”

President Cites “Higher Authority” for Immigration Executive Order

In the face of nearly two dozen videos of him saying he lacked legal authority to unilaterally enact immigration reform, President Obama went ahead and did so, citing a “higher authority.”

As President of the United States, I felt myself hemmed in by the limitations placed on the office by the US Constitution,” Obama admitted. “As a human being, though, I could not bear the continuing injustice inflicted on the people who have entered this country illegally.”

My dilemma was how to reconcile the guidelines of an aging framework for a nation’s government and the call of my conscience,” Obama explained. “The idea that doing the right thing could be impeded by an unworkable process was unbearable. In the end, I felt that freeing these unfortunate people from their predicament was what God wanted me to do. So, I did it.”

The President’s notion that his interpretation of what God wants him to do takes precedence over his obligations under the Constitution and our laws is the path to tyranny,” Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) contended. “It’s the same ‘divine right’ argument that kings used to use in order to fend off limits on their power in the era before the American Revolution established representative democracy as our form of government. The damage that President Obama’s retrograde revolution would do to our freedom far outweighs any good that might come from his claimed humanitarian motives.”

Tired of Hearing about Gruber

The American people are “tired of hearing about Gruber,” according to White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest. Video tapes of MIT Professor Jonathan Gruber, a key architect of the Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare), have been doing major damage to the Administration’s credibility over the past two weeks. In the videos, Gruber is repeatedly shown describing voters as stupid and gloating about how Democrats used this stupidity to deceptively enact the ACA.

Earnest warned the media to drop the issue “because, frankly, the President is tired of hearing about it. These tapes and the alleged deceptions they portray happened years ago. The events Dr. Gruber speaks of in them are over and done. The ACA is the law of the land now and no amount of Monday-morning quarterbacking is going to change that.”

The only relevant issue is whether the ACA is good policy,” Earnest maintained. “If it’s good policy, and the President is confident it is, what does it really matter what tactics were used to get it implemented?”

Earnest expressed confidence that “this, like all the other phony scandals the GOP has been concocting, will die down and disappear from everyone’s radar screen before too long. Everyone just needs to chill and let the President rule the nation, as he was elected to do.”

Sharpton Disputes Tax Bill

The IRS claim that Rev. Al Sharpton owes more than $4 million in back taxes was challenged by the Reverend.

My share of the reparations the US Government owes for slavery has not been taken into account,” Sharpton argued. “The humiliation, the suffering, the oppression, and murder of African-Americans that has disgraced this country for over 400 years is a debt that can never be fully repaid.”

Instead of harassing me, the government should be making a good-faith effort to try to make payments on this unpayable debt,” Sharpton suggested. “Then, after 400 years we can reassess to see how much is still owed.”

Why Is Teaching Anal Sex in the Chicago Public School Curriculum?

Parents of students attending Chicago’s Andrew Jackson Language Academy were shocked to discover that 5th graders are slated to study “the pleasures of anal sex.”

Chicago Public Schools spokesman Bill McCaffrey characterized the parents’ reactions as “excessively dramatic” and “not well thought out. It’s our job to help prepare our students for life in the real world. Teaching them the skills needed for safe sex is at least as critical a part of our job as teaching them how to read.”

Sex is a topic of universal interest to students,” McCaffrey asserted. “What we teach them about this topic will likely have more impact than what we teach them about history or science. So, I won’t be apologetic about our efforts along these lines.”

The inclusion of anal sex in the curriculum is a simple acknowledgment that traditional heterosexual encounters are not the only type people engage in,” McCaffrey added. “To not include this possibility would be discriminatory and would convey an impression that non-traditional interactions are less acceptable.”

DOE Says AP Classes Must Be Racially Balanced

The South Orange-Maplewood School District in New Jersey was told by the US Department of Education that the racial imbalance in its Advance Placement (AP) courses was discriminatory because minorities are under represented among the students enrolled in these classes. AP courses are intended for college-bound graduates and typically entail heavier workloads and more difficult assignments.

US Secretary of Education Arne Duncan brushed aside arguments relying on student interest and ability as “insufficient to overcome the goal of racial equality. For the school to say that minorities are over represented on the school’s athletic teams and that somehow counterbalances their under representation in these academically challenging AP courses is a non-starter with us.”

Ideally, all races ought to be proportionately distributed throughout all school activities,” Duncan argued. “We can’t permit a student’s preference for being an athlete rather than a scholar determine which classes he or she ends up in. If the school needs to ‘dumb down’ its AP courses in order to accommodate the lesser academic abilities of minorities, then that is what they must do.”

Rather than trying to “square the circle,” the South Orange-Maplewood School District has opted to discontinue AP. “The DOE’s notion that everything must be racially balanced is impossible to achieve,” said acting Superintendent James Memoli. “Dumbing down an AP course to achieve an ideal racial mix would be idiotic.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

Sheriff Joe will Sue Lawless President

– The Washington Times – Friday, November 21, 2014

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is suing President Obama over his plans to grant temporary legal status and work permits to up to 5 million illegal immigrants in the country, saying the actions from the president will have a detrimental effect on his ability to carry out his job.

“Specifically, it will severely strain our resources, both in manpower and financially, necessary to protect the citizens I was elected to serve,” Sheriff Arpaio said in a statement.

Among the many negative effects of the action, he said, “will be the increased release of criminal aliens back onto streets of Maricopa County, Arizona, and the rest of the nation.”

The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, alleges that both Mr. Obama’s actions outlined Thursday evening and his Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) are “unconstitutional abuses” of the president because “instead of legislation first passing both houses of Congress and then being sent to the president under the ‘Presentment Clause’ for signature and implementation or veto, the president originates legislation by himself and then dares the Congress to disagree.”

The White House has consistently said Mr. Obama is acting within his constitutional authority. In a speech Thursday outlining his actions, Mr. Obama said deportations of criminals are up 80 percent over the last six years, and that the government will keep focusing resources on threats to security.

“If you meet the criteria, you can come out of the shadows and get right with the law,” the president said. “If you’re a criminal, you’ll be deported. If you plan to enter the U.S. illegally, your chances of getting caught and sent back just went up.”

The controversial Sheriff Arpaio is currently embroiled in a racial profiling case brought against him over allegations that a former sheriff’s deputy was shaking down illegal immigrants.

U.S. District Judge Murray Snow warned Thursday that he would get a court-appointed official to examine allegations of wrongdoing by officers if the agency doesn’t adequately investigate.

More than a year ago, Judge Snow ruled Sheriff Arpaio’s office had systematically racially profiled Latinos in its regular traffic and immigration patrols.

Sheriff Arpaio denies that his officers have racially profiled people and has appealed the decision. The judge is requiring Sheriff Arpaio’s office to video-record traffic stops, collect data on stops and conduct additional training to ensure officers aren’t making unconstitutional stops.

Read more: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/nov/21/sheriff-joe-arpaio-sues-obama-says-action-will-res/?utm_source=RSS_Feed&utm_medium=RSS#ixzz3JkQAvAzO
Follow us: @washtimes on Twitter

Arizona Officials Call Out President for Lawlessness

In Friday morning remarks to the British Broadcasting Corporation, Arizona Congressman Trent Franks, the chairman of the Constitution Subcommittee in the House of Representatives, criticized President’s Barack Hussein Obama for bypassing Congress and taking executive action on immigration.

“One of my greatest concerns here is that this president has demonstrated, not just tonight, but on many other occasions that he holds himself unconstrained by the constitution he swore to preserve and protect,” Congressman Franks said. “And if other presidents take that tack then the Constitution will essentially be vitiated and I suppose, we, as Americans will owe England an apology for that little unpleasantness back in Revolutionary War.”

Franks added that Obama has gone beyond the Constitution

“on a regular basis, on a mass scale, when it was very easy for him to have simply allowed the new Congress to come into power. We’ve already passed in the Republican House Judiciary Committee, upon which I sit, five bills related to immigration. And there is no question in my mind that there would be a Republican immigration bill.”

Asked about fears that Republicans, by insisting on upholding the law, would lose Latino votes, Franks said,

“Well, you know, in this last election, we got over 40%, which is a higher percentage than they’ve gotten in a long time. It’s kind of a false narrative; a lot of people who came to this country, my wife speaks a good part of Spanish, she’s from the Philippines, I’m married to an immigrant, she came here legally,” adding that immigrants, “who came here legally and who have relatives that are trying to come here legally resent the notion that we would simply allow those who come here illegally to get in front of them. And to have first place in being able to take their place in American society. I would like very much to do what’s necessary to fix our immigration system. It does have significant problems. But the reality is, if we are unable to control our borders then we simply, as Ronald Reagan mentioned, we cease to be a country at all. The bigger issue here is that this issue was playing out in Congress, there would have been legislation, and now I believe this President, sincerely, I believe that he has set back a real solution to this problem to this problem and divided Americans at each end, and this only demagogues the issue, which I’m afraid, genuinely, was his original intent.”

Attorney General-Elect Criticizes Obama

Today attorneys general and AG-elects in 17 states ripped Obama for his lawlessness. Among them was newly elected Arizona AG Mark Brnovich, who issued this statement:

Along with many of our fellow Americans, Republican Attorneys General listened carefully to President Obama’s remarks about his intended, unilateral actions regarding immigration. We agree with the President, “people who live in this country should play by the rules.” The American people also believe the President should play by the rules and respect the rule of law. The President cannot ignore the American people, the states or an entire branch of government.

Our country’s unique strength derives from its history of immigration. The values of immigrants are the values of our Republican Party, those of freedom, optimism, self-reliance, family and respect for the rule of law. We want our immigration laws to be enforced and our borders to be secure. We also want our country to be welcoming to those who want to join us on this American journey in the manner established by our laws.

As our states’ lead attorneys, however, we are committed to the rule of law and ensuring that we remain a nation of laws, enacted as prescribed by our Constitution. Each president takes an oath to “faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and … to the best of [his] Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” We expect President Obama to fulfill this oath. As attorneys general we will uphold our constitutional oath to take whatever actions may be appropriate to uphold the rule of law.
Outgoing Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Assails Lawless Prez

“Not so long ago, President Obama rightly acknowledged that his role as president under the Constitution is to ‘take care that the laws be faithfully executed.’ Publically and repeatedly he has rejected the suggestion of bypassing Congress to impose a de facto amnesty via executive order.

“Now, rather than work with Congress on a bipartisan solution to fix our immigration system and secure the border, he is once again taking brazen, unilateral action that will only further exacerbate the border problem – just as he did in 2012 when he signed an executive order to provide an amnesty to almost two million illegal aliens through his ‘Deferred Action’ plan.

“This is not a partisan issue. When the bluest of blue states – like Oregon, for example – vote overwhelmingly to prohibit illegal aliens from obtaining drivers licenses, it speaks volumes about the widespread lack of support for President Obama’s immigration policies. The American people have spoken, and time and again they have been ignored.

“That President Obama refuses to visit our border, refuses to enforce our existing immigration laws and refuses to come to the table on an issue of such critical national safety and economic importance is a disgrace. We are a nation of laws, the most significant of which are written to ensure cooperation and balance among our branches of government. Separation of powers is what has distinguished us from other forms of government for 225 years. Over the past six years, this President has sought at every turn to move us toward a concentration of power which, as President Reagan opined, ‘has always been the enemy of liberty.’ With controversial executive actions like that announced today, President Obama undermines our Constitution and erodes the fundamental principles upon which America was built.

“Clearly, the president is not interested in executing our laws, and even when he and his party had control of Congress and the White House, they did absolutely nothing to reform immigration. His new executive action sends a disturbing message about the way this president perceives his role as leader. When a president constantly refuses to enforce existing laws, disregards the will of the people and creates his own policies based on personal preferences, we shift from a nation of democracy to one of tyranny. In 1838, a profound man, Abraham Lincoln, prophetically warned the American people that a tyrant could overtake our political system from within, and that, ‘when such a one does, it will require the people to be united with each other, attached to the government and laws, and generally intelligent, to successfully frustrate his designs.’

“Evidently this president must be reminded that we, the American people, elected a president that serves beneath the law – we did not anoint a tyrannical king that is above the law.”

Democrats Disagree over Executive Order for Amnesty

By John Semmens – Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Folder2 104Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) is crosswise with President Obama over the proper sequence of events regarding amnesty for illegal immigrants.

I have implored the President to forestall taking any executive action to legalize these undocumented residents until after we get Republican cooperation on next year’s budget,” Reid said. “My advice has been to get the money first. Then he can do whatever he wants on amnesty. There’d be no way the GOP could stop him.”

Reid complained that “all my sensible arguments seem to be falling on deaf ears. The president says he doesn’t need Congress to appropriate any funds. He asserts that he will instruct all the agency heads to continue to write checks to pay for whatever he authorizes. He’s confident that the recipients of these checks will gladly accept and deposit them and that banks wouldn’t dare not honor them.”president has polled his cabinet on this matter,” McDonough said. “Each of them has promised to carry out the President’s wishes despite any possible disagreement from Congress. This includes the Joint Chiefs of Staff who stand ready to suppress any disobedience that might be exhibited by the general public.”

The possibility that President Obama’s intended actions might be beyond his Constitutional authority was cast as “potentially troublesome” by Reid. “There’s nothing wrong with the objectives being sought. Everyone agrees that legalizing those in this country illegally is something that has to be done. I just think it would be safer if both Parties’ fingerprints were on the deed.”

Rep Hank Johnson (D-Ga) disagreed with Reid and compared the prospective Obama Executive Order on amnesty to President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation. “If President Lincoln could bypass Congress and disregard the Constitution, by rights these same powers can be exercised by President Obama,” Johnson declared. “Lincoln was willing to jail his critics and use troops to enforce his will. I hope President Obama will have the strength and courage to do likewise.”

Mary Kay Henry, president of the Service Employees International Union (a union of government employees), characterized Republican objections to unilateral executive action as “bullying of the worst sort. Their constant harping that he lacks Constitutional authority to legislate on his own can’t be allowed to stand against his moral obligation to do the right thing. We are urging the President to not let a piece of paper frighten him off course.”

Gruber Apologizes for “Indelicate Phrasing”

MIT professor Jonathan Gruber, the boastful architect of Obamacare, apologized for what he termed “my indelicate phrasing in defense of the Affordable Care Act. I should never have publicly called American voters ‘stupid.’ I sincerely regret that I have been caught on tape using this kind of language.”

However, this does not mean that the underlying concept behind this legislation was incorrect,” Gruber insisted. “The fact of the matter is that the average American isn’t fit to decide whether he needs health insurance or to choose a plan that is adequate for the collective well-being of society. Individuals left to themselves will selfishly choose what’s best for themselves alone. Overcoming this individualism is the responsibility of the government. The misrepresentation in the way the ACA was portrayed to voters was for their own good. For that, I make no apology.”

Gruber’s efforts to deceive did not go unrewarded. Between payments for his services made by the federal government and several state governments, Gruber has netted over a million dollars for his skillful obfuscation.

Do you think concocting such an elaborate ruse was easy?” Gruber asked. “I see nothing wrong with those who have the vision, the talent, and the courage being adequately paid for the difficult task of overriding mass prejudices in order to enact unpopular, but necessary reforms in the way our society works.”

The negative fallout from the publicity surrounding Gruber’s contemptuous view of his fellow citizens sparked defensive maneuvers from the Administration. “The fact that Gruber received payments from the federal government doesn’t prove the we had any knowledge of what he was doing,” said Press Secretary Josh Earnest. “People should understand that their government spends billions of dollars everyday. A percentage of this huge outlay is going to be pure waste. I think it’s unreasonable to try to hold the President accountable for that.”

Earnest also wondered if “hypothetically speaking, is achieving a good outcome through dishonest means really such a bad thing? If it’s not morally wrong for parents to mislead their children about Santa Claus, why would it be wrong to trick the American people into accepting a new health care system for their own good?”

In related news, Drew Hammill, spokesperson for House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif), attempted to excuse her false denial of knowing Gruber by citing “her advanced age. When people get old they start to forget stuff. It’s been five years since then Speaker Pelosi used Gruber’s research and strategies to get the ACA passed in the House. And, if I may point out, at that time she candidly admitted to being ignorant of the contents of the bill. So I don’t think its fair to blame her now. For his public indiscretions.”

Former Veep Calls for “National Policy on Food”

Now that global warming has been tamed by record breaking cold spells across the nation, former Vice-President Al Gore is looking for new worlds to conquer. That new world appears to be the establishment of a “national policy on food.”

Under current rules, what a person eats is largely left up to each person to decide,” Gore pointed out. “Judging from the rates of obesity, it seems clear that the idea that letting individuals choose what to eat is not working. It is way past time that experts in the field of nutrition be given the authority to determine healthier eating patterns for everyone.”

Gore blamed Americans’ poor eating habits on “ignorance and lack of self-discipline. Both of these faults can be overcome by a more assertive government. By empowering those educated in nutrition to lay out the menus for all Americans we can bypass the ignorance factor. By eliminating the bad food choices we can neutralize the lack of self-discipline. If bad choices are barred, only healthy choices will be left. Then no one will be able to select an unhealthy diet.”

The former Veep acknowledged that “achieving an ideal diet for every American will be a difficult and arduous task. It won’t happen overnight, but through a steady policy of penalties on poor food options—like added excise taxes on fats, sweets, fast food, etc.–combined with subsidies for good food options we can gradually wean the country away from its bad habits.”

Gore admitted that his own bloated physique might be mocked by critics of the need for a national food policy, but argued that “the inability of even an enlightened person like myself to attain a healthy diet voluntarily further demonstrates the urgency of a mandatory program for everyone.”

Pelosi Claims Voters Distracted by Irrelevancies

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) adamantly denied that the trouncing her Democratic Party took at the polls last week constitutes a mandate for a different direction for government.

The problem is that our Party’s underlying message was drowned out by incessant GOP hammering on irrelevant crises and scandals,” she contended. “All the stories about ISIS beheadings, Ebola outbreaks, the flood of immigrants, IRS abuses, NSA spying, government waste and corruption masked the critical point that the Democratic Party is the Party of free stuff. Voters inundated by fears that their lives might be in danger, that their government might be descending into tyranny, and their taxes misspent on unnecessary or even harmful programs forgot about all of the benefits our Party has given them and would continue to give in the future.”

Pelosi’s optimism about the future of the Democratic Party was heartened by a Bureau of Labor Statistics report indicating that 93% of adults currently unemployed do not want jobs. “There’s over 85 million American adults who don’t want jobs,” Pelosi boasted. “Even more encouraging for Democrats is that nearly 40% of young people don’t want jobs. We may have lost this last election, but there can be no denying that we have changed the culture. The era of having to toil for a living is coming to an end for greater numbers of the population. More are content to subsist on government benefits. Is there any doubt about who this growing cohort is going to be voting for in 2016, 2020 and beyond?”

Obama Says FCC Needs to Control Internet

President Obama is urging the Federal Communications Commission to exert more control over the Internet.

As it stands now, the whole web environment is chaotic and anarchic,” Obama observed. “Anyone can pretty much do whatever he wants. There is no perceived obligation to serve society’s broader needs.”

For the time being, Obama disavowed his authority “to command this independent agency to extend its power over this medium. I am patiently waiting for them to do what they should. However, my patience is not infinite. I will act unilaterally if it becomes necessary that I do so to implement the change I deem warranted.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire column for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties that our nation’s Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit, and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.

McSally Pads Lead by 28 Votes, Leads by 161

This just in: conservative Martha McSally, a freedom candidate for Congress in Southern Arizona, has stretched her lead to 161 votes against incumbent Ron Barber, a socialist from the party that wants to completely CONTROL your life.

McSally has 109,704 votes. Barber has 109,543 votes.

Oddly enough, 1,007 voters cast write-in votes that would come in pretty handy for each of the party’s candidates if they had received them.

This district has never been well represented. It’s never sent a conservative to Washington.

Stay tuned to the never-ending saga.

*   *   *

On another election-related front, sore-loser socialists are calling for a recall vote of newly elected state Superintendent of Public Instruction Diane Douglas, a conservative. Their false narrative is that she lacks the credentials for the position, though she is well educated and has a great deal of experience in education. The party of CONTROL never met an election of a conservative it didn’t want to overturn or find some activist judge to throw out.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 154 other followers