Georgia Judge Refuses to Accept Obama’s ‘Sovereign Immunity’

John Semmens

By John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Georgia Judge Michael Malihi’s refusal to accept President Obama’s lawyers’ demand that he be excused from responding to a subpoenato testify in a hearing questioning his eligibility to appear on that state’s presidential ballot was denounced by Edward Toady, lead attorney for the president on this case.

“The president is the sovereign ruler of this country,” Toady asserted. “Where he goes and what he does is solely at his discretion. He does not have to answer to the demands of lower ranking authorities. He has what is called ‘sovereign immunity.’”

“On top of this, there is the simple lack of time in the president’s busy schedule,” Toady added. “The president isn’t like ordinary people. He doesn’t have a free moment to spare. Every waking hour is already allocated to activities of higher priority. Satisfying some plaintiff’s curiosity as to whether he is qualified as a ‘natural born citizen’ is an unwarranted intrusion on this man’s privacy and tries his patience.”

Judge Malihi dismissed Toady’s claims as “unsupported by any evidence or cited legal authority. I’m not saying that the contention that a president may not be compelled to attend a court hearing is necessarily incorrect. However, Mr. Toady’s contention that the President’s status of ‘acknowledged leader of the free world’ makes him immune is an argument without substantive legal foundation. Further, the argument that the President has no time to spare would seem to be refuted by his widely reported indulgences in elective recreational activities. Surely, the resolution of this legal issue could take precedence over another round of golf.”

The president’s lawyers say they will appeal Malihi’s decision to a higher authority. “Under our legal system a person has the right to be judged by his peers,” Toady observed. “ Judge Malihi is merely a state court judge. As such, he lacks the stature to sit in judgment of the President. In fact, it is our contention that the President sits on the pinnacle of American government and is without peer. As the highest authority in our government he is the only person who can judge himself. As long as he holds that post  no one may presume to tell him what to do.”

Administration Warm to Pipeline Compromise Proposal

A proposal to build the US portion of the Keystone Pipeline without connecting it to the Canadian source of oil may be a compromise the Obama Administration can approve.

“The President’s main objection has always been his opposition to increasing the supply of fossil fuels in America,” said Press Secretary Jay Carney. “Building a pipeline that doesn’t connect to any source of oil seems like a ‘win-win’ solution. We could create thousands of jobs constructing the pipeline without incurring the negative environmental impacts of actually transporting, refining, and distributing any gasoline.”

Obama’s Presidential Campaign adviser, David Axelrod, characterized the construction of a line that will never be used as “a stroke of genius. The unions will be happy because they’ll get jobs building the line. The environmentalists will be happy because the President will still block the cross-border connection to Canadian oil sources. This compromise means that votes from both these groups will go solidly for the President.”

Axelrod brushed aside criticism that building a pipeline that won’t be used might be seen as wasteful. “The pipeline will be built underground,” he pointed out. “It won’t be seen as anything. Meanwhile, union workers will be bringing home paychecks. The economy will be stimulated. The President will be reelected.”

The compromise was likened to the strategy used by FDR in winning three reelection campaigns. “The spend, spend, spend and elect, elect, elect approach is a tried and true strategy,” Axelrod bragged. “Voters aren’t thinking about the long term. They’re not competent to assess the functionality of how taxes are spent. As long as the President can be seen to be doing something, anything, he’ll win them over.”

President to Give Advanced Missile Technology to Russians

Saying that he didn’t want members of Congress to take his decision not to follow their advice personally, President Obama, nonetheless went ahead and initiated the transfer of sensitive missile technology information to the Russian government.

“I know that there are those who disagree with me on this,” the President acknowledged. “But I have to do what I think is right. That’s why the American people elected me. I can’t let them down.”

What the president referred to as “advice” came in the form of a law prohibiting the sharing of this missile technology with any foreign government. Though President Obama signed this law, he said he reserves “the right to deviate from any of its provisions that I deem conflict with my broader responsibilities as President.”

“US military superiority is a source of fear in many parts of the world,” Obama said. “Our advanced weapons technology contributes to this fear. Other nations may not be willing or able to carry out their own independent policies out of the apprehension that a conflict with America would of necessity be a losing proposition. This is unfair. Sharing our technology will help level the playing field.”

Though his decision to share the technology may have put him at odds with Congress, President Obama was quick to point to the favorable responses of foreign governments in rebuttal. “I have already received word from Prime Minister Putin expressing his gratitude,” Obama boasted. “Others—including China, Pakistan, and Venezuela—have sent messages asking if they might also gain access to this information. The prospect of cultivating closer relations with other governments around the world seem favorable.”

President Blames Media for Bad Image

President Obama laid the blame for impressions that he is “cold and aloof” at the feat of what he called “a largely hostile media.”

“It’s lonely at the top,” Obama complained. “The average person has plenty of equally situated people who share similar day-to-day experiences. But who shares what I go through on a daily basis? I’m one-of-a-kind. No one is my equal. I can’t hang out with anyone without having to reach down to a lower social strata.”

“Instead of praising my magnificence, though, the media foments criticism and complaints,” Obama continued. “A person reading a newspaper or watching TV is given the impression that pretty much anyone has the right to criticize anything I’ve done or might do. I’m not saying that everyone has to like what I do, but if they can’t say something nice, why say anything at all? Where have people’s manners gone? Where’s the civility of discourse and show of deference to one’s betters that leaders used to be able to count on from those they rule?”

In related news, the BLT Restaurant chain used the occasion of a visit by the First Family to add an entree called the “Obama Burger” to its menu. The burger is a Kobe beef patty served with bacon and cheese at a price of $28. The chain characterized it as a “burger fit for a king.” Both the President and First Lady bypassed the burger and ordered an $81 steak. “Why would a king eat a burger when he could have a steak?” Michelle asked.

Dems Float “Reasonable Profits Board” Idea

A half-dozen House Democrats led by Representative Dennis Kucinich (Ohio) introduced a bill that would establish a new government agency aimed at insuring that no one makes an unreasonable amount of profit. The bill—the Gas Price Spike Act, H.R. 3784—is initially focused on excessive profits from oil and gas production.

“It’s not that the oil and gas industry is the only one ripping us off,” Kucinich said. “It’s just that we had to start somewhere. Right now, we think there’s enough anger and envy toward this industry that people will more readily accept the idea of a government bureau to control their profits.”

Kucinich maintained that “ideally, the amount of money anyone should be allowed to take from the common pool of society’s wealth should be subject to government oversight. Just because a person is luckier, smarter, or more ambitious doesn’t mean he has the right to take more than everyone else thinks is his fair share. The common good requires that everyone contribute to the best of his ability so there will be sufficient output to meet everyone’s needs. We are our brother’s keeper. It is government’s duty to enforce this moral obligation.”

As written, the bill would impose taxes of up to 100% on all “surplus earnings.” The bill’s co-sponsors include  Democratic Representatives John Conyers (Mich), Bob Filner (Calif.), Marcia Fudge (Ohio), Jim Langevin (R.I.), and Lynn Woolsey (Calif).

Campaign Ad Touts President’s Energy Policy

The first TV ad of President Obama’s reelection campaign boasts that “for the first time in 13 years, our dependence on foreign oil has dropped below 50%.”

The ad goes on to say that “the president’s two-pronged approach of reducing demand by boosting prices and diminishing economic activity is helping America break free of its addiction to energy consumption. Every car that remains parked in its garage because its owner is unemployed or can’t afford the higher gas prices the President has engineered means less pollution will be put into our air.”

The ad urges voters “to reward the President with reelection lest these dual coups of reduced vulnerability to foreign oil sources and cleaner air be undone by Republican efforts to line the pockets of greedy oil barons.”

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