- John Semmens
By John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
Georgia Judge Michael Malihi’s refusal to accept President Obama’s lawyers’ demand that he be excused from responding to a subpoenato testify in a hearing questioning his eligibility to appear on that state’s presidential ballot was denounced by Edward Toady, lead attorney for the president on this case.
“The president is the sovereign ruler of this country,” Toady asserted. “Where he goes and what he does is solely at his discretion. He does not have to answer to the demands of lower ranking authorities. He has what is called ‘sovereign immunity.’”
“On top of this, there is the simple lack of time in the president’s busy schedule,” Toady added. “The president isn’t like ordinary people. He doesn’t have a free moment to spare. Every waking hour is already allocated to activities of higher priority. Satisfying some plaintiff’s curiosity as to whether he is qualified as a ‘natural born citizen’ is an unwarranted intrusion on this man’s privacy and tries his patience.”
Judge Malihi dismissed Toady’s claims as “unsupported by any evidence or cited legal authority. I’m not saying that the contention that a president may not be compelled to attend a court hearing is necessarily incorrect. However, Mr. Toady’s contention that the President’s status of ‘acknowledged leader of the free world’ makes him immune is an argument without substantive legal foundation. Further, the argument that the President has no time to spare would seem to be refuted by his widely reported indulgences in elective recreational activities. Surely, the resolution of this legal issue could take precedence over another round of golf.”
The president’s lawyers say they will appeal Malihi’s decision to a higher authority. “Under our legal system a person has the right to be judged by his peers,” Toady observed. “ Judge Malihi is merely a state court judge. As such, he lacks the stature to sit in judgment of the President. In fact, it is our contention that the President sits on the pinnacle of American government and is without peer. As the highest authority in our government he is the only person who can judge himself. As long as he holds that post no one may presume to tell him what to do.”
Administration Warm to Pipeline Compromise Proposal
A proposal to build the US portion of the Keystone Pipeline without connecting it to the Canadian source of oil may be a compromise the Obama Administration can approve.
“The President’s main objection has always been his opposition to increasing the supply of fossil fuels in America,” said Press Secretary Jay Carney. “Building a pipeline that doesn’t connect to any source of oil seems like a ‘win-win’ solution. We could create thousands of jobs constructing the pipeline without incurring the negative environmental impacts of actually transporting, refining, and distributing any gasoline.”
Obama’s Presidential Campaign adviser, David Axelrod, characterized the construction of a line that will never be used as “a stroke of genius. The unions will be happy because they’ll get jobs building the line. The environmentalists will be happy because the President will still block the cross-border connection to Canadian oil sources. This compromise means that votes from both these groups will go solidly for the President.”
Axelrod brushed aside criticism that building a pipeline that won’t be used might be seen as wasteful. “The pipeline will be built underground,” he pointed out. “It won’t be seen as anything. Meanwhile, union workers will be bringing home paychecks. The economy will be stimulated. The President will be reelected.”
The compromise was likened to the strategy used by FDR in winning three reelection campaigns. “The spend, spend, spend and elect, elect, elect approach is a tried and true strategy,” Axelrod bragged. “Voters aren’t thinking about the long term. They’re not competent to assess the functionality of how taxes are spent. As long as the President can be seen to be doing something, anything, he’ll win them over.”
President to Give Advanced Missile Technology to Russians
Saying that he didn’t want members of Congress to take his decision not to follow their advice personally, President Obama, nonetheless went ahead and initiated the transfer of sensitive missile technology information to the Russian government.
“I know that there are those who disagree with me on this,” the President acknowledged. “But I have to do what I think is right. That’s why the American people elected me. I can’t let them down.”
What the president referred to as “advice” came in the form of a law prohibiting the sharing of this missile technology with any foreign government. Though President Obama signed this law, he said he reserves “the right to deviate from any of its provisions that I deem conflict with my broader responsibilities as President.”
“US military superiority is a source of fear in many parts of the world,” Obama said. “Our advanced weapons technology contributes to this fear. Other nations may not be willing or able to carry out their own independent policies out of the apprehension that a conflict with America would of necessity be a losing proposition. This is unfair. Sharing our technology will help level the playing field.”
Though his decision to share the technology may have put him at odds with Congress, President Obama was quick to point to the favorable responses of foreign governments in rebuttal. “I have already received word from Prime Minister Putin expressing his gratitude,” Obama boasted. “Others—including China, Pakistan, and Venezuela—have sent messages asking if they might also gain access to this information. The prospect of cultivating closer relations with other governments around the world seem favorable.”
President Blames Media for Bad Image
President Obama laid the blame for impressions that he is “cold and aloof” at the feat of what he called “a largely hostile media.”
“It’s lonely at the top,” Obama complained. “The average person has plenty of equally situated people who share similar day-to-day experiences. But who shares what I go through on a daily basis? I’m one-of-a-kind. No one is my equal. I can’t hang out with anyone without having to reach down to a lower social strata.”
“Instead of praising my magnificence, though, the media foments criticism and complaints,” Obama continued. “A person reading a newspaper or watching TV is given the impression that pretty much anyone has the right to criticize anything I’ve done or might do. I’m not saying that everyone has to like what I do, but if they can’t say something nice, why say anything at all? Where have people’s manners gone? Where’s the civility of discourse and show of deference to one’s betters that leaders used to be able to count on from those they rule?”
In related news, the BLT Restaurant chain used the occasion of a visit by the First Family to add an entree called the “Obama Burger” to its menu. The burger is a Kobe beef patty served with bacon and cheese at a price of $28. The chain characterized it as a “burger fit for a king.” Both the President and First Lady bypassed the burger and ordered an $81 steak. “Why would a king eat a burger when he could have a steak?” Michelle asked.
Dems Float “Reasonable Profits Board” Idea
A half-dozen House Democrats led by Representative Dennis Kucinich (Ohio) introduced a bill that would establish a new government agency aimed at insuring that no one makes an unreasonable amount of profit. The bill—the Gas Price Spike Act, H.R. 3784—is initially focused on excessive profits from oil and gas production.
“It’s not that the oil and gas industry is the only one ripping us off,” Kucinich said. “It’s just that we had to start somewhere. Right now, we think there’s enough anger and envy toward this industry that people will more readily accept the idea of a government bureau to control their profits.”
Kucinich maintained that “ideally, the amount of money anyone should be allowed to take from the common pool of society’s wealth should be subject to government oversight. Just because a person is luckier, smarter, or more ambitious doesn’t mean he has the right to take more than everyone else thinks is his fair share. The common good requires that everyone contribute to the best of his ability so there will be sufficient output to meet everyone’s needs. We are our brother’s keeper. It is government’s duty to enforce this moral obligation.”
As written, the bill would impose taxes of up to 100% on all “surplus earnings.” The bill’s co-sponsors include Democratic Representatives John Conyers (Mich), Bob Filner (Calif.), Marcia Fudge (Ohio), Jim Langevin (R.I.), and Lynn Woolsey (Calif).
Campaign Ad Touts President’s Energy Policy
The first TV ad of President Obama’s reelection campaign boasts that “for the first time in 13 years, our dependence on foreign oil has dropped below 50%.”
The ad goes on to say that “the president’s two-pronged approach of reducing demand by boosting prices and diminishing economic activity is helping America break free of its addiction to energy consumption. Every car that remains parked in its garage because its owner is unemployed or can’t afford the higher gas prices the President has engineered means less pollution will be put into our air.”
The ad urges voters “to reward the President with reelection lest these dual coups of reduced vulnerability to foreign oil sources and cleaner air be undone by Republican efforts to line the pockets of greedy oil barons.”
A Satirical Look at Recent News
This friggin communist has lost his mind, 1984 doesn’t come close to his rantings, time to begin.
THE UNMITIGATED GAUL OF THIS THIRD WORLD losers thinking PROVES THAT IF ANYONE EVER WAS ON THE BRIDGE TO NOWHERE IT IS this worse than idiotic murderous liar and thief, who will sooon find himself in the LONG unemployment lines that are of his own doing! UNLESS of course we find other actions more suitable, and/or less costly for the good of OUR Country! I am signed: LOCKED AND LOADED~
Standing with you all the way
Apparently, those lawyers need to re-read the Constitution. It clearly establishes that THE PEOPLE are the Sovereign, not the President!
I think they first have to learn TO READ. This also includes COMPREHENDING what they Read. They are as ARROGANT as THE IMPOSTER IN OUR WHITE HOUSE
Sources? I’m not saying that Obama isn’t a tool, but any good journalism is able to back things up with facts – recordings, letters, etc. etc.
Either way, Obama is still a toolbag and needs to be out of the Oval Office as soon as possible.
Please Acknowledge this as SARCASM or tell us that it isn’t! This is starting to get sent around the internet as Factual and will end up making conservatives look like fools if they repeat this information as fact.
I do find the humor in it, but please make it clear that this is a humorous column and NOT factual.
What is NOT factual? The quashing of subpoena did happen, but since it’s an open case we cannot have access to official transcripts. What we are relying upon is the court reporters who sat there and listened and reported.
I don’t see the sarcasm or humor in this at all. I’ve been shot, stabbed, stuck in a hole with roaches and crappy rice, AND I was once married for 27 years. Trust me when I say that none of that was more frightening or evil than the thought of this S.O.B. feeling above the laws of a Sovereign State.
The legislative and judicial forms of redress, constitutionally guaranteed to us as Sovereigns, have repeatedly and miserably failed us.
This is an illegal administration, every thinking individual knows it, and I am tired of it being debated. It would seem that the only way to finally end this is to start shouting really loud and repeat our statements semiautomatically.
Paul,
First thank you for your proud service to ours, the greatest nation on God’s Green earth!
I agree with all of your points, but this article was written in a satirical tome, think “Onion News”.
IMO, the problem is, the Author gets a little too close to the truth and stays there. I have asked that they make it clearer that this is Satire and not real news.
It was pointed out to me that they do use the byline:
“By John Semmens: Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News”
I do not feel that this is enough notification, as I started to find this “Semi-News” article posted by serious Conservatives out on the web. And if you look at many of the comments on this blog, I think that you will see a similar tone, people believe this is real news….
Holy Outhouse Batman! Sorry Mike. I don’t know what’s worse. Feeling gullible enough to have fallen for the satire, or having a president SO willing to blow off the Constitution while running for, and performing as our president, that I actually was able to see it as possible. No, probable.
In any case, I shamefully retract my statements made under false pretenses. Although, I would really rather marry that wench again for 27 more years, rather than live through the remainder of America’s suicide under this pretender-to-the-throne.
Thanks Mike. I very nearly made a huge(r) fool of myself with this one!
EXACTLY!!! These quotes are not from the mouths of these folks. I enjoyed the article, but you are right, folks are gonna start passing this off as factual.
When did we become a Monarchy? I am a Navy Veteran and I will be damned if I ever took orders from a King or a Queen. Our Congress needs to reign him in before this goes to damn far!!!
If the Congress wont do it, We had better exercise our Sovereign Right to do it for them, and Then get rid of them TOO
Remarkable how the President of this Country and his Lawyers have missed a very Major Point, which is at the Foundation of our Constitution. The contention that Obama can disobey a Subpoena is incredible, outrageous based upon his Lawyer’s contentions, and really is an eye-opening insight into how little he really respects the US Constitution, and this from a man who supposedly taught the Constitution to students at one of our very respected Law Schools. The disrespect of this Subpoena shows how Obama has no respect for Separation of Powers, Due Process of Law, the Right to Confront and Examine Witnesses, the right to a Fair Trial, and basic disrespect of the Judiciary. No matter who you voted for last time around, is this the Kind of President you Want?
Yes, Mr. Kelly, it is what a Communist Dictator would do…that is what the Progressives are doing to our country as we speak. Hope that you and the rest of those posting on this are too!!
The absolute arrogance of this presidency is totally amaaaazing!! Oilybama aka. Barry, needs to go back and study the Constitution of the United States…again….he took an oath to uphold when sworn in. This usurper needs to be undone…yesterday! We made a huge mistake…but, not this time Mr. President! 🙂
Jason and Mike: I don’t know if the first part about the Georgia lawsuit is completely true: I couldn’t find the exact text from Jay Carney that Mr. Semmens quotes. But, the decision from the judge is real. See http://www.ledger-enquirer.com/2012/01/23/1904454/georgia-judge-orders-president.html#storylink=misearch. I also found that the bill he cites about windfall profits is indeed true. See http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c112:H.R.3784: It seems this is not a work of satire, as much as I would like it to be.
Pingback: Tuesday Morning News from the Grumpy Daily | Grumpy Opinions
Great blog article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.
Very informative blog article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.
Thanks for the article.Much thanks again. Really Cool.
DO NOT CENSOR THIS POSTING!!! THANKS!! THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS POST THAT WOULD JUSTIFY CENSORING IT!!
The issue is quite simple. To be President of the USA or to run for the Presidency of the USA, Obama must be a “natural born citizen” according to the Constitution of the USA. The term “natural born citizen” has been defined previously and it requires two conditions:
1) Obama must be born in the USA.
Obama’s long form birth certificate that Obama has provided through the White House web site HAS BEEN DECLARED BY MANY EXPERTS TO BE SIMPLY A FORGERY!!!
—Just a few links on the forged birth certificate that Obama released through the White House web site for those interested:
–“Obama Birth Certificate Faked In Adobe Illustrator – Official Proof 1 ( Layers )” at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s9StxsFllY
–“Obama Birth Certificate Scam? 2011-04-27 Obama.mp4” at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eOfYwYyS_c
–“Adobe book editor positive: Obama certificate is phony” at http://www.wnd.com/2011/06/316749/
–“Experts: Registrar stamps confirm Obama forgery” at http://www.wnd.com/2011/07/324153/
–See evidence that Obama forged the birth certificate that was posted on the White House servers on 27 April 2011 (!!) at http://www.scribd.com/collections/3166684
–See evidence that Obama is using a Social Security Number (SSN) 042-68-4425 that was not legally issued to him but to someone else born in 1890 (!!) at http://www.scribd.com/collections/3260742
–I stop giving more links because there are so many good articles on the Internet done by reliable experts proving, without the shadow of a doubt, that Obama’s birth certificate that he posted on the White House web site is a forgery!!!
—Just type the keywords Obama birth certificate forged in http://www.google.com and you will find many articles that thoroughly explain why the Obama long form birth certificate that he provided on the White House web site is simply a forgery!!!
—Do a search in http://www.youtube.com by typing the keywords Obama birth certificate fake and you will see videos demonstrating why the Obama birth certificate that he provided on the White House web site is a forgery!!!
—Therefore, the only way to check this long form birth certificate is to go to Hawaii to check it directly. In particular, it is indispensable to assess if even this original long form birth certificate in Hawaii is truly genuine that is if it is not also a forgery to cover up for the possible fact that Obama might never have been born in Hawaii!!!
2) Obama’s parents MUST BOTH be American citizens.
We know that Obama’s father was a Kenyan and that he NEVER was an American citizen!!!!!
Therefore, THIS SECOND CONDITION ALONE DISQUALIFIES OBAMA TO RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF THE USA AND IT ALSO DISQUALIFIES OBAMA TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE USA, NO MATTER THE FACT THAT HE WON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!!!!!!
More, Obama is a former lawyer. Therefore, he knew perfectly well that he was not entitled to run for the Presidency of the USA but he nevertheless did it DISHONESTLY, FRAUDULENTLY, deceiving purposefully the entire American people.
Furthermore, Obama was confronted with the definition of what a “natural born citizen” is when he directly participated in the investigation of John McCain’s eligibility to run for the Presidency of the USA. Obama then signed Senate Resolution 511 from April 30, 2008 that reveals the indispensable requirement of having two US citizen parents in order to be a “natural born citizen” according to the Constitution of the USA and therefore to be eligible to run for the Presidency of the USA or to be President of the USA!!!!!
Therefore, once again, Obama knew very well that he FRAUDULENTLY decided to run for the Presidency of the USA despite the fact that he knew perfectly well that he was NOT a natural born citizen and therefore that he was not entitled, according to the Constitution of the USA, to be President of the USA.
FIRST CONCLUSION:
—Obama is NOT a natural born citizen and therefore he is not entitled to run for the Presidency of the USA nor is he entitled to be President of the USA, no matter the fact that he won the Presidential election!!!!
—Finally, Obama is a former lawyer and therefore OBAMA CONSCIOUSLY, INTENTIONALLY COMPLETELY DECEIVED THE ENTIRE AMERICAN PEOPLE BY RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF THE USA WHEN HE KNEW PERFECTLY WELL THAT HE WAS NOT ENTITLED TO DO SO SIMPLY BECAUSE HE KNEW VERY WELL THAT HE WAS NOT A NATURAL BORN CITIZEN, AS THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA REQUIRES ONLY ON THE PRESIDENT OF THE USA!!!!
—THIS HUGE DECEPTION IS MORE THAN A FRAUDULENT ACT, IT IS WORSE THAN ANYTHING IMAGINABLE BECAUSE:
1) IT RELATES TO THE HIGHEST POSITION IN THE LAND, THE PRESIDENCY OF THE USA, THAT OBAMA HAS FRAUDULENTLY OBTAINED;
2) IT RELATES TO THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA BEING TRAMPLED UPON FRAUDULENTLY AND ILLEGALLY BY OBAMA;
3) IT RELATES TO THE FACT THAT OBAMA INTENTIONALLY DECEIVED AND MISLED THE ENTIRE AMERICAN PEOPLE!!!
ANY PERSON GUILTY OF SUCH SERIOUS FRAUD SHOULD AT LEAST GET A JAIL SENTENCE, NO MATTER THAT OBAMA HAS FRAUDULENTLY HELD THE POSITION OF PRESIDENT OF THE USA FOR A PERIOD OF TIME!!!
DEFINITION OF A “NATURAL BORN CITIZEN”:
If you really want to have an expert legal explanation on what a “natural born citizen” truly is according to the Constitution of the USA and why legally speaking it is this way, then I suggest that you read at least a few articles on Attorney Mario Apuzzo’s web site “Natural Born Citizen – A Place to Ask Questions and Get the Right Answers” at http://puzo1.blogspot.com/
In particular, read:
—“The Natural Born Citizen Clause of Our U.S. Constitution Requires that Both of the Child’s Parents Be U.S. Citizens At the Time of Birth” at http://puzo1.blogspot.com/2009/09/natural-born-citizen-clause-requires.html
SECOND CONCLUSION:
—If you are a rational and honest person, no matter your political affiliation, you surely will be forced to conclude that the facts speak for themselves and that there is no doubt legally that a “natural born citizen” indeed requires that the President of the USA MUST HAVE two parents that were BOTH American citizens at the time of Obama’s birth.
—The Constitution of the USA is sacred to any American citizen AND it applies to every single American citizen, no matter one’s political affiliation, no matter one’s color of the skin, no matter what!!!!
Therefore, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA IS UNDER THE RULE OF LAW LIKE ANYBODY ELSE (NOT ABOVE IT!!!) AND IN PARTICULAR OBAMA IS UNDER THE RULE OF THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA LIKE ANYBODY ELSE (NOT ABOVE IT!!!)!!!!
—You now have the facts fully on the table concerning what a “natural born citizen” truly is, you cannot evade the truth about these facts!!!
Now, what path are you going to choose?
1) Keep Lying and hiding the facts, hoping that they will disappear by themselves!! Or
2) Choose to acknowledge these facts fully and be determined to fight for the truth?
The choice is yours! But the Constitution of the USA is at stake!!!
CONCRETELY, WHAT CAN YOU DO IN YOUR STATE TO GET JUSTICE AND TO PROTECT THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA?
1) Contact your governor, your senator, your elected representatives, the attorney general and any approriate officials and ask them to put in place a legal process to ensure that Obama is on the ballot of your state ONLY IF OBAMA HAS PROVIDED ALL THE DOCUMENTS THAT WERE ASKED BY THE PLAINTIFFS IN THE GEORGIA CASE AND THAT OBAMA HAS REFUSED TO PROVIDE.
More, plan also to ask full discovery on Obama’s original long form birth certificate in Hawaii and on Obama’s fraudulent social security that he uses.
2) In case your state would not have appropriate laws to do what is indicated in point 1) just above, ask the appropriate officials in your state to create a law that will grant your state the same rights than the state of Georgia has to fully check a candidate BEFORE he is put on the ballot for any elections, in particular for the coming election for the position of President of the USA.
To conclude:
—IF THE STATE OF GEORGIA HAS A LAW TO FULLY CHECK CANDIDATES’ REQUIREMENTS BEFORE THEY ARE PUT ON THE BALLOT FOR VARIOUS ELECTIONS, SO CAN YOUR STATE TOO!!!
—YOUR ACTIONS LOCALLY IN YOUR STATE WILL ENSURE THAT THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA IS FULLY RESPECTED AND THAT NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW!!!
—AS OBAMA THINKS HE IS ABOVE THE LAW BY NOT SHOWING UP IN COURT IN GEORGIA WHEN HE WAS REQUIRED TO DO SO, ONLY TO AVOID SHOWING THE DOCUMENTS THAT HE WAS ASKED TO PROVIDE THAT SURELY WOULD HAVE PROVED HIS LACK OF ELIGIBILITY TO BE ON THE BALLOT TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE USA, YOU THE AMERICAN PEOPLE HAS A MORAL AND LEGAL DUTY TO MAKE SURE THAT THE CONSTITUTION OF THE USA IS RESPECTED FULLY AND APPLIED FULLY TO ALL AMERICAN CITIZENS, ESPECIALLY TO OBAMA WHO BELIEVES THAT HE IS ABOVE THE LAW AS HE HAS RECENTLY DEMONSTRATED IN GEORGIA!!!
“Georgia Judge Refuses to Accept Obamas Sovereign Immunity The Arizona Conservative” genuinely got me personally simply hooked on ur page!
I personallydefinitely will wind up being back considerably more often.
Many thanks -Avis