In hearings at the Senate Judiciary Committee, U.S. Magistrate Judge S. Kato Crews, a Biden nominee for a federal district court position, was asked by Sen. John Kennedy (R-La) “how would you analyze a Brady motion.” His response was “in my four and a half years on the bench, I don’t believe I’ve had the occasion to address a Brady motion.”

Kennedy then asked “do you know what a Brady motion is?” Crews replied “it’s not coming to mind at the moment.” Kennedy told Crews that “it comes from the case of Brady v. Maryland.” This prompted Crews to falsely assert “oh, yeah it’s a Second Amendment thing.”

Actually, a Brady motion is what a defense attorney files when he believes the prosecution has withheld evidence vital to his client’s case. This issue is particularly pertinent since Tucker Carlson aired videos of the January 6, 2021 Capitol incursion showing that some persons charged with violent insurrection were unarmed and peacefully wandering around inside without attacking any of the Capitol Police. An attorney for Jacob Chansley–a man pressured into accepting a guilty plea that netted him a four-year prison sentence–pointed out that this video evidence of his client’s obvious peaceful behavior was neither presented by the prosecutor nor shared with the defendant.

Of course, evidence of the innocence of some of the Capitol protesters isn’t the only kind of evidence withheld by those prosecuting January 6 cases. Victoria White, who tried to stop two men from breaking windows, was savagely beaten by Capitol Police officers on that day after the flow of the crowd carried her inside the building. Videos of these events were also withheld by the prosecutors.

Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre defended both the ignorance and dishonesty of Crews by insisting that “given that Judge Crews had never heard of Brady during more than four years on the bench how important could a ‘Brady Motion’ be. Not even the President himself is held to as high of a standard of knowledge and integrity as Sen. Kennedy is trying to impose on this young Black court nominee. This kind of racism has got to stop and Kennedy needs to apologize for trying to humiliate a Black man.”

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors unanimously approved a measure granting every black resident $5 million in reparations for the slavery and discrimination suffered by blacks living within the current boundaries of the United States since 1619.

Eric McDonnell, chair of San Francisco’s African American Reparations Advisory Committee, admitted that “we made no effort to estimate the actual damages to any specific persons or their descendants at the hands of any specific white racists who caused the harm. That task is too daunting. A simpler formula that will be used. To be eligible for the $5 million a person must be at least 18 years old, have identified as Black or African American on public documents for at least 10 years, been born in San Francisco, have proof of residency for at least 13 years, or be a direct descendant of someone incarcerated for drug-related crimes. Liable for paying the $5 million to each beneficiary will be everyone who is not eligible for receiving the benefit.”

Stanford University’s Hoover Institution estimated the proposal would require families in the city to pay at least $600,000 to cover the cost of reparations awarded. Many may find it difficult to find the funds needed to pay their fair share of the estimated $250 billion needed. Supervisor Rafael Mandelman suggested that “those who own homes could take out a second mortgage or sell their homes to some of the 50,000 new multi-millionaires created by the reparations we just approved. Others without substantial assets could sign multi-generation-family indentured services contracts with individual beneficiaries to work off their share of what is owed.”

In a letter to Dr. Rochelle Walensky of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Dr. Robert Califf of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), Florida’s Surgeon General Dr. Joseph Ladapo presented evidence from the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) showing that the covid vaccines appear to have led to a 1700% surge in harm following a 400% increase in the number of vaccinations. “We have never seen this type of response following previous mass vaccination efforts pushed by the federal government,” Ladapo wrote. “These findings are unlikely to be related to changes in reporting given their magnitude. They more likely reflect a pattern of increased risk from mRNA COVID-19 vaccines. We need unbiased research to better understand these vaccines’ short- and long-term effects.”

In their response to Dr. Ladapo, Walensky and Califf insisted that “reports of life-threatening conditions reported from Florida and elsewhere are misleading. We stand by our recommendation that all people aged 6 months and older receive a primary series of the COVID-19 vaccine and boosters at a frequency no less than annually.” They went on to chastise Ladapo for Florida’s “severe under vaccinated status with only 29% of seniors being up-to-date compared to the national average of 41%.”

Meanwhile in Germany, Federal Minister of Health, Karl Lauterbach, also issued a warning regarding the harm caused by covid vaccines, pointing out that “the evidence indicates that these shots induced injuries that were severe, life-altering, and permanent. Since the manufacturers of these vaccines have been granted full immunity for the damage they have done, those injured by their products have no legal recourse. Perhaps the companies that made billions selling their products to the government will take pity on their victims and help pay for some of the medical bills of their victims.”

In related news, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D-Mich) admitted “some of the pandemic restrictions we imposed didn’t make a lot of sense. In hindsight, forbidding people to buy garden supplies for growing their own fruits and vegetables seems silly. But at the time we thought growing your own food was not necessary to sustain or protect life when food could still be bought at a big box store. Still, given the choice between letting people decide for themselves and having us decide for everyone. I think we ensured an equality and unity that could not have been achieved if too much individual freedom had been allowed.”

Under intense questioning by members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Attorney General Merrick Garland acknowledged that “our office has had much more success prosecuting anti-abortionists who pray outside of abortion clinics than it has going after pro-abortionists that firebomb pregnancy centers.”

Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) was unimpressed by Garland’s glib rationalization and suggested a different approach. “There have been 81 reported attacks on pregnancy centers and 130 attacks on Catholic churches since the Supreme Court’s overturning of the Roe v. Wade decision was first leaked a year ago,” he said. “Yet, only two individuals have been charged for these crimes. Why is that?”

“Anti-abortion fanatics commit their offenses in broad daylight,” Garland replied. “Pro-abortionists do their deeds after dark. Their more persistent efforts to conceal their activities makes it harder for us to go after them. It’s not a double standard per se. It’s more a matter of grabbing the low-hanging fruit.”

“Isn’t arson a more serious crime than trying to persuade a woman not to go through with aborting her baby?” Lee asked. “Isn’t it more important to go after those violent criminals?”

“Well, we want to close cases,” Garland said. “The less violent offenders are easier to arrest. There are plenty of eye-witnesses and open admissions of guilt. So, statistically, our efforts look more impressive in terms of getting people convicted and sentenced. That is what impresses when it comes time to persuade lawmakers to enact more generous budgets for our department for the next year. It’s also what the American people want us to do considering the fact that they voted overwhelmingly to elect the pro-abortion Biden over the anti-abortion Trump president in the 2020 election.”

In related news, Filmmaker and leftist loon Michael Moore called for a nationwide boycott of Walgreens for refusing to sell abortion pills in states where it is illegal to do so. “Making it inconvenient for women to abort their unwanted children is a crime against humanity,” Moore asserted. “Why should women who don’t want to be mothers have to go to the trouble of traveling to a neighboring state or ordering the pills through the mail from a state where the pills are legal? Is there no atrocity that the anti-abortionists won’t commit to try to get their way on this issue?”

In New York where abortion pills are legal, Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) ignorantly warned pharmacies in her state “to continue to supply these pills or face dire consequences. All of our efforts must ensure that the sacred right of abortion is never abridged anywhere in the world. If driving every pharmacy in the state out of business is the price we must pay to achieve this, I’m all in.”

On The View TV show an even loonier Jane Fonda suggested that “a woman would be justified in killing anyone who tries to prevent her from aborting her unwanted child.”

Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine’s request that President Biden visit the site of the rail disaster in his state was not well-received at the White House. “If he can go to Ukraine to boost the morale of the people there, why can’t he come to Ohio to boost the morale of Americans who are hurting from one of the worse train crashes in our history?” DeWine asked.

Biden responded that “it’s too dangerous for me to risk my life or health on a totally unnecessary visit to the highly toxic environment in East Palestine. Experts have already estimated that tens of thousands of animals and fish downwind and downstream of the derailment have died. Who knows how many humans will become sick and die. The Secret Service tells me it is too dangerous for me go there now. Pressuring me to go there could be construed as an attempt on my life.”

The President pointed out that “my administration’s top transportation expert was there last week. I have no particular skill or knowledge above-and-beyond whatever he had to offer. As far as boosting morale goes, if Pete Buttigieg couldn’t suffice I don’t see how I can help. I mean, what kind of morale boost would it be if an 80-year-old man were to keel over in the middle of town? I will come when it is safe to do so–maybe next year or after I’m reelected in 2024–although, by then there wouldn’t be much point in making the trip.”

In related news, the Department of Transportation’s (DOT) Inspector General has announced an audit of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s use of private jets. Buttigieg is known to have taken at least 18 flights using taxpayer money to fly on private jets since he took office in 2021. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla) says he requested the audit “because it is unclear why Secretary Buttigieg would require such costly travel when more economical options were available.” Buttigieg defended his private flights by pointing out “our country’s public transportation systems are unreliable and dangerous. Those of us who rule this nation shouldn’t be forced to waste our time or risk our lives using the modes intended for ordinary people.”

Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s decision to release 41,000 hours of video from the Jan 6, 2021 riot at the US Capitol has struck fear into some leading Democrats.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) called it “a grave mistake. There were very good reasons why former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) declined to make these videos available for public viewing. I can’t tell you why she refused to air them, but trust me, she had good reasons. The American people have to have faith that their government is looking out for their best interests. Widespread viewing of these videos could destroy that faith.”

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-CA) complained that “the narrative that the January 6 special committee worked so long and hard to construct would be undermined by an indiscriminate viewing of the raw and unedited footage. The crucial few minutes the committee selected to demonstrate that right-wing traitors were intending to overthrow our government would be drowned out by the tens of thousands of boring hours showing people peacefully meandering in the building and give an erroneous impression of what happened.”

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) denounced the release of the videos, saying “I was on the special committee. We viewed the videos so the American people wouldn’t have to. We sifted out the irrelevant, confusing, and contradictory content. Allowing the public to see what we sifted out would only serve to allow anti-regime propagandists like Tucker Carlson focus on extraneous evidence and lessen the chance that the insurrectionists would be properly punished for their crimes.”

Carlson countered by suggesting that “Schiff’s stance contradicts the very idea of a fair trial. In essence, he’s saying that only the evidence that a prosecutor chooses to present should be allowed. Any exculpatory evidence must be withheld from the jury. We will go through the 41,000 hours to determine what we think ought to be seen. Ultimately, all of these 41,000 hours should be posted for examination by anyone one who wishes to see for themselves and make their own judgments about the event.”

Pelosi warned that “letting anyone outside of government see these sensitive videos is inherently dangerous and could lead to an even worse disturbance than occurred on January 6th. If voters hadn’t foolishly given Republicans a majority in the House last November I would have been able to prevent the catastrophe that McCarthy is foisting on this country.”

John Semmens

Although courts have already ruled that President Biden’s attempt to unilaterally decree the forgiveness of a portion of student loan debt is not legal, plans are underway to reissue the illegal decree with a new twist. Students who major in studies that provide few opportunities for remunerative employment will be given “first dibs” on loan forgiveness.

Secretary of Education Miguel Angel Cardona explained “there’s little sense in forgiving the debt of students who major in science or engineering. Grads with degrees in these subjects are in great demand in the private sector and will likely be paid well. In contrast, a student with a degree in transgender studies faces a much bleaker future because there is little to no need for such people in the private sector.”

“Our plan in the short term is to free the bearers of useless degrees from having to repay their debt,” Cardona said. “In the meantime, we need to create new laws and regulations that would make it mandatory for private businesses to employ these people to help them navigate the complex social equity requirements that the new laws and regulations will implement.”