Clinton Campaign Calls Wikileaks ‘Violation of Constitutional Rights’

By  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnThe flood of emails obtained from Clinton confidants detailing repeated instances of illegal, dishonest, and despicable behavior has provoked a howl of protest from the Clinton for President campaign.

“Lest anyone forget, let me remind them that these emails were purloined surreptitiously and illegally,” campaign manager Robby Mook complained. “By invading the privacy of people actively supporting Secretary Clinton’s election they have been forced to unwillingly testify against themselves. This compelled testimony is as flagrant a violation of the Constitution’s guarantee against self-incrimination as we have ever seen in a political campaign in our nation’s history.”

Among the revelations contained in the Wikileaks’ document release were emails disclosing that Hillary herself was the one who deleted the missing 33,000 work-related emails, that Phillipe Reines, then Senior Adviser to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton suggested ways of obstructing the handing over the emails that had been subpoenaed, and that Clinton campaign spokesman Brian Fallon was receiving illegal inside information on the Department of Justice investigation of Hillary’s email security breaches.

Mook likened the Wikileaks operation to “the illegal wiretaps that police sometimes tried to use against suspected members of organized crime. The courts have always tossed this kind of evidence and we are fully confident that they will toss any emails obtained without the writers’ freely given consent if this matter ever goes to trial, which is something I doubt President Obama would allow.”

In the meantime, Mook expressed gratitude that “the nation’s major media outlets have pretty effectively tossed the Wikileaks garbage out of the ‘court of public opinion.’ They realize that there is no need to get voters stirred up over events that should have no bearing on the upcoming election. What’s done is done. The bigger issue is whether this country will permit a person as unfit as Donald Trump to become president.”

Interestingly, a significant number of the emails exposed by Wikileaks revealed a close coordination between the Clinton campaign and the supposedly “objective” media. Nevertheless, Mook brushed this aside as “irrelevant,” claiming that “it should be no mystery that those who believe in truth and justice would share a common interest in determining who should run the government.”

In related news, another email exposed by Wikileaks showed former Clinton administration official Bill Ivey advising Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta to “conspire to produce an unaware and compliant citizenry,” but warned that “the unawareness remains strong, but compliance is fading rapidly. This problem demands some serious thinking and demographically-inspired messaging.”

Wikileaks Exposes Democrats’ Disdain for Catholicism, Latinos & Blacks

One of the latest batches of emails made public by Wikileaks revealed that key Clinton supporters have expressed low opinions of Catholic doctrines. Clinton campaign communications director Jennifer Palmieri labeled them “backwards.” Center for American Progress (a public policy advocacy organization founded by Hillary Clinton’s 2016 Campaign Director John Podesta) senior fellow John Halpin called conservative interpretations of the religion “an amazing bastardization of the faith.” And Podesta has been working with billionaire financier of left-wing causes George Soros to promote a “Catholic Spring” modeled on the “Arab Spring” that has successfully replaced the secular government of Egypt with jihadi fanatics.

Julie Roginsky, a Democratic strategist, appeared on Fox News to defend the disdain, saying that “reform of the Catholic Church is long overdue. The majority of Catholics disagree with the hierarchy’s positions on abortion and gay marriage. Why shouldn’t the Democratic Party assist this majority to throw off the shackles of an erroneous dogma and rewrite beliefs using a majority rule approach?”

Roginsky hailed the Obama Administration’s progress “in breaking down out-dated thinking that would bar the government from funding pregnancy termination services that benefit women of all faiths. Churches must not be allowed to refuse to participate. Religious rigidity must yield to social justice. We have elections to select those who govern us. These elections give moral weight to the policies that are decreed by the government. It is everyone’s obligation to submit to the rules laid down by the President and the courts.”

“There is no downside for the Democratic Party from these Wikileaks disclosures,” Roginsky insisted. “First of all, few people will see or hear of the comments made in these emails. Second, whatever scraps of information do sneak through will be filtered and interpreted by our allies in the media. Finally, polls show that the majority of Catholics are with us on this. So, I think that’ll be game, set, and match for Hillary Clinton and the entire Democratic slate up and down the ballot.”

Another Podesta email lamented the necessity of having to deal with “needy Latinos. All we want are their votes, not their policy ideas. Hillary knows how to govern. These amateurs need to play the role we’ve already laid out for them.” Podesta also took a swipe at blacks calling them “never-do-wells who fare badly almost irrespective of circumstances. Luckily, they appreciate that while Democrats have sawed off the lower rungs of the ladder to success they see that we have enacted the welfare benefits that allow them to survive.”

CNN Irked at Chant

In a post-debate campaign rally GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump continued his charges of media bias by referencing the three-on-one (two moderators and Hillary Clinton vs. Trump) format of the Sunday night face-off. The crowd began chanting “CNN sucks,” much to the dismay of a few CNN “talking heads,” including Chris Cuomo, Alisyn Camerota, Brian Stelter, and Bill Carter.

Cuomo characterized the crowd response as “dangerous and unprecedented. We haven’t treated Trump any differently than any other Republican nominee. All of them—Romney, McCain, Bush—took it in stride without complaining. That Trump would make an issue out of it shows his political naivete.”

Stelter agreed saying, “this is much worse than what we’ve seen in the past. I mean, it’s not as bad as the mobs that have burned down buildings and assaulted people after cops have shot another unarmed black man, but, jeez, these are Republicans. They’re supposed to have self control.”

Camerota found “the disrespect for reporters intolerable. We are the eyes and ears of America. We bring the news into everyone’s home. Impugning our integrity as Trump has so wantonly done undermines the public’s faith in the accuracy of our reports. And as you’ve said, Chris, no Republican before Trump has ventured into this uncharted and dangerous territory.”

“You’re right Alisyn, we are the ‘fourth estate,” Cuomo asserted. “Trump’s irresponsible attack on our objectivity threatens the very foundation upon which our way of life depends. Something bad is going to happen and it will be all his fault.”

RAF Has “Green Light” to Fire on Russian Jets

The risky nature of the United States’ entanglement in the Syrian civil war ratcheted up a notch when pilots of our NATO ally, the United Kingdom, were given the okay to shoot down Russian fighter aircraft if they feel threatened by them.

Current Secretary of State John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have both spoken of the “need to confront Russia” in Syria. At last Sunday’s presidential debate Clinton contrasted her strong stance in support of a “no fly zone” in Syria with presidential rival Donald Trump’s “cowardly preference for avoiding the steps necessary to counter this nation’s chief adversary.”

For his part, Trump questioned the logic of the US policy in the region. In his view the main adversary is ISIS. He went on to suggest that the United States and Russia joining as allies to fight these terrorists might be the more sensible course of action. “I know that our two countries have had differences,” Trump said. “We may not see eye to eye on some things, but Russia seems civilized compared to the Islamic terrorists who bomb innocent civilians, behead hostages, stone women who object to being raped, and throw gays off of high rise buildings.”

This weekend President Obama and his top foreign policy advisers have scheduled a meeting to discuss options for dealing with the Syrian military crisis. One option entails US bombing of Syrian military deployments. The downside of exercising this option is the co-mingling of Russian and Syrian forces in the target zone. “No one likes the optics of US planes bombing Russian troops,” said a source requesting anonymity. “It would be orders of magnitude worse than the Cuban missile crisis that almost led to nuclear war in 1962.” Clearer heads are said to be favoring providing more weapons to the al-Qaeda forces opposing the Assad regime that governs Syria.

As if this weren’t unsettling enough, the US Air Force has been practicing simulated nuclear bomb missions in the Nevada desert. In one test run B-2 bombers dropped a pair of dummy 700 lb. warheads. Over at Langley, the CIA is prepping a covert cyber attack designed to harass and embarrass the Russian government.

Meanwhile, Russia has ordered relatives of government officials living abroad to return home. “This is all part of the package of measures to prepare elites for some big war,” said Russian political analyst Stanislav Belkovsky.

Former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev concurred, “I think the world has reached a dangerous point. I don’t want to give any concrete prescriptions, but I do want to say that this needs to stop. It is necessary to return to the main priorities. These are nuclear disarmament, the fight against terrorism, and the prevention of an environmental disaster.”

Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein found the deteriorating situation “ominous. We may be closer to nuclear war than ever. That the Obama Administration and the Clinton campaign appear ready to escalate further is pure insanity. Though it pains me to say it, after watching the latest debate, it looks like Trump was the one with his head on straight on this issue.”

In related news, it appears that the $1.7 billion in ransom paid to Iran for the release of four hostages earlier this year was used to fund the missiles used by an Iranian-backed terror cell in Yemen to attack a U.S. Navy ship in the Red Sea this week. Press Secretary Josh Earnest maintained that “there’s no way to tell whether is was the same money or not. But even if it was, Iran is a sovereign nation and has every right to spend its resources as it deems best for its people.”

Clinton Boasts of Diverting Funds from Terrorists

In one of the Clinton emails Wikileaks published this week former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton acknowledged that American “allies Qatar and Saudi Arabia are providing clandestine financial and logistic support to ISIL (ISIS) and other radical Sunni groups in the region.”

Qatar and Saudi Arabia have also been very generous to the Clintons. Back in August they each ponied up a million dollars as a birthday present for former President Bill Clinton. Far from being embarrassed, Clinton boasted that “this represents $2 million that was diverted from funding terrorists. I challenge Trump to prove he has diverted a single cent from going to terrorists.”

The birthday gift isn’t the only generosity displayed by the Clintons’ Middle Eastern friends. After receiving a $10 million donation to the Clinton Foundation from Saudi Arabia in 2011, Hillary Clinton approved a $29 billion sale of advanced fighter jets to that nation.

While the sale to the Saudis was the single biggest sale, it wasn’t the only one she approved under questionable circumstances. In total she authorized over $160 billion in sales to Middle Eastern countries that her own State Department had criticized for human rights abuses, corruption, and aiding terrorists. The only saving grace was that these countries had donated a total of more than $50 million to the Clinton Foundation.

One supposes that “diverting” $50 million from being handed over to terrorists is a good thing. But perhaps arming the nations that help sponsor terror with $160 billion in the latest weapons is not a good thing.

More Democrat Election Fraud

In two new undercover videos obtained by Project Veritas Democratic Party workers openly talked about “dirty tricks.”

In Florida, Wylie Mao, a field organizer for the Clinton campaign said that ripping up registration forms from Republicans would be “cool strategy. It works on several levels. Every Republican we sign up can be completely neutralized as a voting threat. He thinks we’ve turned in his registration form. So he doesn’t go and register with the County Recorder on his own. He tootles along until election day when he tries to vote. Since his name isn’t on the official list the best he can do is cast a ‘provisional ballot’ that will later be discarded. It’s another win for the good guys.”

In New York, Alan Schulkin, the New York Democratic commissioner of the Board of Elections, confirmed that  vote fraud “is organized and widespread. Party workers will load up buses with volunteers who will be driven to different precincts to cast the ballots of people registered but not voting because they are dead or no longer living in the area.” Schulkin disapproved of the fraud and blamed it on “Mayor DeBlasio’s edict to issue non-verifiable ID cards to any person who asks for one. There’s no vetting of any of these people. Anyone can get as many ID cards for as many different identities as he wants. I think this effectively eliminates an honest election in this city.”

In related news, a leaked strategy memo from the Pennsylvania Democratic Party outlined the activities of a “Black Pod” operation. The activities include stealing Trump/Pence yard signs, posting Clinton/Kaine signs without the homeowner’s consent, and vandalizing cars that have Trump bumper stickers “to create a psychological climate unfavorable to such displays.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.


Clintons Mock Trump’s Lewd Conversation from 2005

By  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnA Washington Post story about a lewd conversation between Donald Trump and Billy Bush of “Access Hollywood” in 2005 was viewed with scorn and derision by both Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Bill homed in on Trump’s description of his attempt to seduce a woman by offering to buy her furniture. “What kind of a loser has to stoop so low to garner the attentions of aB?” he asked. “On top of that Trump admits that he failed to achieve his objective. Kissinger was the one who had it right—power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Maybe if Trump had been a governor or president he would’ve had better luck.”

Hillary cited the crude talk as “further proof of his unfitness to be president. Anyone who’s view of women is so crass and disrespectful doesn’t belong in the Oval Office.” Hillary dismissed suggestions that Trump’s attitudes might resemble her husband’s, saying “for the record, Bill has neither been convicted or even indicted for inappropriate behavior toward women,” and alleged that “the women who accused him have all been discredited. That’s why you won’t see the media repeating their lies.”

There might be some technical validity to Hillary’s contentions. After all, Bill was never indicted. He was impeached by the House of Representatives for perjury rather than for inappropriate behavior toward women. Though he was not convicted by the Senate he was stripped of his license to practice law. And the mainstream media, which has openly veered from journalistic ethics to try to ensure another Clinton presidency, has steadfastly neglected to pursue the testimony of the many women claiming they were physically molested, or worse, by Bill.

Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo) defended the Clintons, claiming that “the good they both have done on the political front for women by ensuring that abortions remain freely available outweighs whatever either of them may have done to harm them on a more personal level. Even the high estimates of the number of women fondled or assaulted by Bill and the number whose reputations were smeared by Hillary only amounts to a few dozen individuals. Against this small negative number millions of women have been aided in terminating unwanted pregnancies thanks to the tireless efforts of the Clintons against those seeking to limit this vital women’s right.”

To date, the worst that can be said of Trump his that his words have sometimes been unkind toward women. No women have come forward with anything stronger than to say “he called me fat” or “he said I was ugly.” The question is whether Trump’s words are worse than Bill’s actions or Hillary’s efforts to trash the reputations of his accusers. Perhaps voters will render a verdict on this come November.

Will the US Go to War with Russia over Syria?

Tensions surrounding the war-torn nation of Syria ratcheted up this week with Secretary of State John Kerry charging Russia with war crimes, Russia threatening to shoot down US planes that attack its Syrian government ally, and US Army Chief of Staff General Mark Milley boasting to the Russians that “we will beat you harder than you have ever been beaten before.”

On one side we have the Russians and the murderous Assad regime. On the other side we have the bumbling Obama Administration and its confusing alliance with anti-Assad jihadis. The unanswered question is whether the issue of which side wins is worthy of a war with Russia. Secretary Kerry seems to think it is.

I’ve argued for the use of force in Syria,” Kerry said. “The war crimes being committed by Russia and Syria are reminiscent of those committed by the Nazis and Japs in World War II. We didn’t back away from the challenge then even though the cost in lives and money were substantial. Humanity demands that we not back away now.”

Kerry went on to argue that “the possibility that Donald Trump might win the upcoming election makes it more imperative that action be initiated before he gains the power to block it. From his public remarks about NATO, Putin, and the Cold War it is clear that he is outside the consensus of decades worth of thinking on these matters. The notion that the United States might live on friendly terms with Russia or even become allies with them against an imagined Islamic threat is the opposite of what the Obama Administration stands for. It mustn’t be allowed to happen.”

In related news, the US Department of Justice decided to drop its case against Marc Turi for illegally trafficking in weapons when it discovered that Turi’s sale of armaments to jihadi terrorists in Libya was part of a scheme originated by the State Department during the tenure of Secretary Hillary Clinton. Attorney General Loretta Lynch apologized for persecuting Turi and wasting everyone’s time, saying that “if we had known that Mr. Turi had documentary evidence backing up his claim to have been working on behalf of the State Department we’d have never moved against him. We are closing the books on this case and regret any embarrassment it may have caused any of those involved.”

Court Rules States Cannot Reject Refugees

Judge Richard Posner, writing for the three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit, ruled that “governors have no authority to reject Syrian refugees being sent to their states. Neither do mayors, landlords, or homeowners have the right to block the placement of refugees in their towns, buildings, or households if that is what the President determines is in the best interest of the country. The idea that any of these other parties can refuse to cooperate in the refugee relocation program just because they deem it dangerous is not supported by law or the Constitution.”

In support of the court’s decision Posner characterized the risks accompanying the importation of refugees from areas infested with Islamic terrorists as “low. In the last year there have been only 62 attacks mounted by jihadis in America. Only 64 people have been killed. In comparison, 16,000 people were murdered by non-jihadis during the same time period. Likewise, there were 35,000 traffic fatalities in this time frame. So, in terms of the odds for meeting a violent death, letting a few terrorists into a state or city will make little difference.”

Clinton campaign spokesman Robby Mook hailed the court’s ruling as “a vindication of Secretary Clinton’s proposal to boost the importation of Syrian refugees by 500% if she’s elected president. For Trump to try to parlay the tiny increase in danger into a winning campaign issue is futile. We’re confident that voters will see through his scare mongering and accept the minor hike in their daily risk as a price they’re willing to pay to have the most qualified person ever to seek the presidency as their new Commander-in-Chief.”

Voter “Irregularities” Popping Up Across the Nation

As election day grows nearer reports of voter irregularities are surfacing in numerous locations around the country.

In Texas, the Attorney General’s Office is investigating a vote-harvesting scheme involving as many as 20,000 bogus ballots in Tarrant County. The vote harvesting scheme entails Democratic Party operatives “helping” the elderly, mentally incapacitated, and the economically disadvantaged fill out their ballots, if not actually forging signatures and manufacturing non-existent voters.

In Philadelphia, a spot check by Joseph Vanderhulst, an attorney with the Public Interest Legal Foundation, found that 86 non-citizens have been registered to vote for years with half of them casting ballots in at least one election. City officials explained that “if the citizenship box on the welfare application form is blank we go ahead and register them to vote just to be on the safe side.” Oddly, 59 applicants with blank citizenship boxes were registered as Democrats, 21 as independents, and 6 as Republicans—ratios officials claim “are proportionate to legally registered voters in the City.”

In Indiana, an investigation of voter registration fraud has been extended to 56 different counties. The inquiry was sparked by a discovery that “the Indiana Voter Registration Project was altering already registered voter’s information and changing the voter’s address to an address not associated with the voter without the voter’s knowledge or consent,” Secretary of State Connie Lawson said in a statement. Craig Varoga released a statement on behalf of the Indiana Voter Registration Project calling the investigation “a racist attempt to disenfranchise 45,000 African-Americans.” Lawson called the charge “outrageous. We don’t ask for race or ethnicity on our voter registration applications. There’s no way we could single out anyone for racial reasons.”

In Ohio, an electrician stumbled across a dozen black, sealed ballot boxes filled with thousands of Franklin County ballots with votes for Hillary Clinton and other Democrat candidates already filled in. Since early voting in Ohio doesn’t start until October 12 these ballots can’t be genuine. Why they would be hidden in a basement electrical closet seems suspicious.

In Virginia, a sampling of eight localities found more than 1,000 non-citizens registered to vote. The sampling was undertaken when the Virginia Voters Alliance noticed that the northern Virginia city of Alexandria had more people registered to vote than eligible voters who lived there. Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D) responded by ordering officials in other Virginia localities to ignore any further requests from the Virginia Voters Alliance for voter registration information.

In Connecticut, State Rep. Christina Ayala (D-Bridgeport) was arrested for voting in 19 in local and state elections in districts where she she did not live. The Elections Enforcement Commission also recommended criminal charges be filed against her mother Santa Ayala, the Democratic registrar of voters in Bridgeport.

In related news, First Lady Michelle Obama delivered a fiery speech In North Carolina urging voters to elect Hillary Clinton because “we need someone who’s honest and plays by the rules as our next president.” Half the audience laughed. The other half audibly gasped.

Clinton Wins Straw Ballot at San Quentin Prison

In what was billed as a preview of a newly passed California law that will permit imprisoned felons to vote for real next year, a limited trial run was conducted by the inmate-run newspaper at San Quentin State Prison this week. The inmates were given an opportunity to vote for president of the United States and on Proposition 62, which would outlaw capital punishment.

Democrat Hillary Clinton won with 79% of the vote. Green Party candidate Jill Stein finished second with 11%. Donald Trump was third with 9%. Editor of the inmate paper Arnulfo Garcia speculated that “the results might reflect a greater feeling of comfort with the Democrat. On a personal level, many of the men I’ve talked to express an admiration for her ability to break the rules and elude consequences. On a political level, they feel that Democrats are more in sync with their values. Mrs. Clinton’s decision to side with Black Lives Matter in their battle with the police has won many over to her side.”

On Proposition 62, inmates voted 91% in favor of repealing the death penalty. Garcia observed that “from my discussions with inmates it seems that most of the so-called murders were really accidents. They hit a person harder than they intended, stabbed him more than they should have, or shot him out of nervousness. In other cases, the claim is that the victim brought it on himself by resisting, not following instructions in a timely manner, or just being a jerk who needed killing.”

Sponsor of the legislation Assembly Woman Shirley Weber (D-79th District) praised the mock election as “a promising glimpse of a bright future. It is long past the time when we ought to have recognized that criminals are also human beings and deserve the right to participate in the election of our government. They shouldn’t be slaves to laws created without their consent. Who knows, maybe if prisoners had been voting all along the crimes of which they were convicted wouldn’t have been crimes and they wouldn’t be in jail now.”

In related news, in this week’s vice-presidential debate Democratic candidate Sen. Tim Kaine (Va) pronounced his “most difficult moral dilemma as a Catholic when I was Governor was grappling with the death penalty.” He contrasted his personal opposition to “killing a real human being” with “Republicans’ obsession with denying women the right to control what comes out of their own bodies. There’s no proof that these partially formed biological masses are true human beings as we understand it.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.


FBI’s Latest Email Disclosure Has Surprising Content

 By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnWithin the latest Friday evening document “dump” from the FBI was evidence that Hillary Clinton’s lawyers deleted 1,000 emails between General David Patraeus. At the time Hillary was Secretary of State Petraeus led US Central Command and later became director of the CIA.

While it would appear that communications between the Secretary of State and Patraeus would be work-related, Hillary offered a different explanation. “David is a very avid yoga enthusiast,” she said. “He and I were in regular communication comparing notes and engaging in some friendly competition to see who could complete the most exercises each week. So, it should be no mystery as to why my lawyers erased those emails.”

Rep. John Ratcliffe (R-Tex) called Clinton’s explanation “as ludicrous a lie from a high ranking government official as one could imagine. The idea that these two were yoga workout buddies is laughable. It is obvious that this woman has no shame. It is also obvious that the FBI investigation of her emails was a charade. Clearly, Secretary Clinton lied under oath on several occasions. Clearly, there was a pattern of obstruction to the erasure of emails and disappearances of numerous mobile devices. Heck, there’s even an email chain with the words ‘Hilary coverup operation’ in the ‘subject’ line in messages sent to and from Hillary Clinton. For FBI Director James Comey to assert that he found no evidence of intent to break the law defies logic and common sense.”

A possible rationale for Comey’s willful blindness on the matter may have been the discovery of emails from President Obama among the recovered deleted messages. Interestingly, the President used a pseudonym to sign his emails. For the record, Obama has denied that he had any knowledge of Clinton’s illegal email practices. Yet, amazingly, he was still able to communicate with her using this illegal arrangement.

Press Secretary Josh Earnest insisted that “the presence of the President’s emails in this system doesn’t prove he consciously knew anything about it. He could have merely been replying to emails originated by Secretary Clinton. He could have used a fake name as a security precaution. In any case, all of this is moot because the investigation has been closed by the Department of Justice and all of the principal co-conspirators have been granted immunity. So, even if a ‘smoking gun’ were to be uncovered there’d be nothing anyone could do about it.”

In related news, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange released 1700 of Clinton’s emails that he says “show her role in the absolutely disastrous intervention in Libya, which led to the occupation by ISIS of large segments of that country and facilitated weapons going over to ISIS affiliated jihadists in Syria. She was the instigator of an expanded conflict and must bear responsibility for the deaths of thousands of noncombatants at the hands of the bloodthirsty Islamists that were armed and emboldened by her actions.”

Clinton Sics Machado on Trump

At this week’s presidential debate Hillary Clinton contended that rival Donald Trump had “cruelly abused” Alicia Machado, 1996’s Miss Universe, alleging he called her “Miss Piggy” for getting fat during the year she held the title. According to Hillary “this shows the kind of deplorable disrespect for women that proves him unfit to be president.”

For her part, Machado admits that she has no witnesses to back up her claims of “mental abuse,” but insists that “Trump is a horrible person.” What recorded evidence there is suggests that contrary to abusing Ms, Machado, Trump actually tried to help her. When his CBS partners in the Miss Universe consortium wanted to replace Machado with the less rotund runner-up, Trump worked to give her a second chance. While acknowledging that stress can make a person overeat, like he himself has done from time to time, Trump recommended weight reduction training so she could fulfill her contractual obligations.

Since completing her term as Miss Universe Machado went on to engage in some dubious behaviors including threatening a Venezuelan judge in 1998 who was handling the case of her boyfriend who was charged with attempted murder. In 2005 Ms. Machado apparently had sex with host Fernando Acaso on an episode of the La Granja Spanish TV show. This escapade broke up her engagement with then Philadelphia Phillies baseball player Bobby Abreu.

Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook didn’t dispute the checkered past of Ms. Machado, but questioned its relevance. “The issue is Trump’s treatment of women,” Mook argued. “Whether these women be of high or low caliber shouldn’t matter. Voters need to focus on only one thing: do we want a man like Donald Trump as our next president? Or do we want a woman of dignity and distinction like Secretary Clinton? It’s that simple.”

In related news, in an effort to deflect potential criticism of how she has treated women that “became involved with her husband,” Hillary told Washington Post reporter Shawn Boburg that “both Bill and I felt for these unfortunate misguided souls. Sadly, there are many mentally unstable women who fantasize about receiving the attentions of a powerful man. We always tried to reach out to those who accused Bill of improprieties and reassure them that they were always in our thoughts, that we were willing to do whatever we could to help because, as you know, Bill is hypersensitive to the pain of others and would do whatever was necessary to try to end it.”

Passenger Bumped from Seat to Appease Muslims

Booking her flight in advance and paying for her “guaranteed” seat didn’t ensure that Mary Campos would get what she ordered. As she arrived at the boarding gate she was bumped to a different seat to “accommodate the cultural beliefs” of two Muslim men.

United Airlines spokesperson Amir Fuol explained that “we regret that Ms. Campos was unhappy with the handling of the seat assignments on her flight. United holds our employees to the highest standards of professionalism and has zero tolerance for discrimination.”

Campos complained that “this blather from Mr. Fuol explains nothing. How do the beliefs of a pair of foreigners trump my right as an American to equal treatment?”

Fuol maintained that “the switch was as much for Ms. Campos safety as it was a show of respect for different cultural practices. Would she really have preferred to be seated next to two men whose inexperience with scantily clad American women may have resulted in her being fondled or worse? She would be suing us for sure had we rashly seated her so close to these men.”

In related news, YouTube has blocked trailers for the faith-based movie I’m Not Ashamed on the grounds that “its overt and unbalanced promotion of the Christian religion may be deemed offensive by persons of other faiths and as such it can be construed as ‘hate speech.’”

Dead People Submit New Voter Registrations in Virginia

A number of new applications for voter registrations recently submitted in Harrisonburg, Virginia were discovered to carry the names of persons recently deceased. The “anomaly” came to light when an employee in the registrar’s office noticed that one of the new registrations was for Richard Claybrook Sr., the late father of a well-known local judge. Ultimately, 19 of the applications submitted by Andrew Spieles, a member of the Young Democrats club at James Madison University, on behalf of the community activist group “Harrisonburg VOTES” were deemed suspicious.

Republicans are incensed. Virginia House Speaker William Howell (R-Stafford) asked “how often do we hear our Democrat colleagues suggest that voter fraud doesn’t exist or is a myth? Well, this is just one piece of evidence that continuing efforts to defraud the election process are real.”

Del. Marcus Simon (D-Fairfax) pooh-poohed GOP concerns and called the recent flap “small potatoes” and the perpetrator “inept. Registering ineligible voters doesn’t mean illegal votes will be cast in their names. Votes would still have to be cast either in person by elderly impostors or through absentee ballots. There are additional steps that would have to be taken before the scheme would be successful. Besides, 20 bogus votes aren’t likely to sway an election. Republicans are getting all worked up over nothing.”

In related news, it was discovered that Arcan Cetin, a resident alien from Turkey who shot five people to death at a mall in Burlington, Washington, illegally voted in three elections since 2014. A study done by professors from Old Dominion University and George Mason University estimated that about 6% of non-citizens illegally cast ballots in the 2008 election. Washington Secretary of State Kim Wyman told a Seattle TV station that “the State is barred by the feds from verifying citizenship status. They claim that verification is a federal responsibility. Yet, the Obama Administration steadfastly refuses to share the data they have with the states. We are left with no choice except to take the applicants’ word for whether they are citizens.”

Presidential Candidates Name Favorite World Leader

In a bid to probe one dimension of the presidential candidates’ perspectives on world politics and foreign relations, the media asked each of them to name their favorite foreign leader.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton tabbed Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel as her favorite. “Chancellor Merkel has been an extraordinarily strong leader,” Clinton asserted. “She has opened the doors of her country to more than a million Muslims from the Middle East. She has bravely faced down opposition to her policies in the midst of the difficulties of acclimation for these refugees.”

Clinton went on to contrast “Merkel’s generosity with our own country’s xenophobic hesitancy to welcome those fleeing from war and atrocities in their home countries. Sure, we’ve let a few thousand in, but if we were to be as openhearted as Germany we’d be allowing millions to find safety on our shores. When I’m president this will change.”

GOP presidential contender Donald Trump chose Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as his favorite foreign leader saying that “here we have a person whose tiny country is surrounded by hostile nations who repeatedly vow to annihilate the Jews. Yet he has the courage and toughness to stand firm on behalf of his people. It’s a model that I will strive to live up to if I become president of the United States.”

Libertarian candidate, former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson acknowledged what he termed “an Aleppo moment” and admitted that “I have no favorites that I can think of, but the notion that we need to be so active around the world strikes me as the bigger problem. It wouldn’t really matter who led other governments if the United States were to mind its own business. I’d like to see a more mellow and relaxed America. Bringing our troops home and legalizing marijuana will go a long way toward accomplishing this.”

Green Party candidate Jill Stein opted for Elizabeth May, Leader of the Green Party of Canada, saying that “while she doesn’t yet lead a nation she embodies values that I think are aimed at a better world—ending the rape of the planet by humans, abolishing industrial society, and equal sharing of income and wealth. The fact that she is a woman gives greater credence to her Party’s message. Men have played too big a role in ruining the environment. It’s time we gave women a chance.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.


Former Arizona Senator Carolyn Allen has died at the age of 78, after suffering many years from the scourge of rheumatoid arthritis.

The late senator was hailed as a heroine by the left-stream flag carrier for our state, The Arizona Republic, and leftists on both sides of the political aisle. Allen was praised for her support of the arts and for warring against conservatives.

Allen also deserves credit for helping Democrat Janet Napolitano defeat conservative Matt Salmon in the 2002 governor’s election. She helped suppress Republican support for Salmon in Scottsdale by criticizing him in public, and he lost by one percent of the vote. Napolitano, who spent Arizona into massive debt, over-performed among Republicans in Scottsdale and that made the difference in her election.

Planned Parenthood lost a great friend in Allen. In a state legislative biography booklet, she described herself as a “Planned Parenthood activist.”

Intolerant of her opponents, Allen once saw the executive director of Arizona Right to Life in the state Senate lobby and bluntly exclaimed, “I didn’t know they allowed crooks in here.”

Allen was also a friend of Big Government, amnesty and homosexual pressure groups. While she faithfully clung to her “Republican Party” affiliation, it was the GOP platform principles she distained.

Amid a long absence from the legislature due to illness, The Arizona Conservative expressed concern about her constituents being disenfranchised and called on Allen to resign and devote herself to getting well. She later sent an email to our editor threatening him with physical harm.

The former chairwoman of the GOP legislative district in Scottsdale exhorted Allen to train up current Secretary of State Michelle Reagan, then a state representative. But Reagan was already comfortably established in Planned Parenthood’s abortion camp.

Conservatives repeatedly tried to beat Allen at election time, but the liberals in Scottsdale kept re-electing her until she retired from public office.

Holt Carries Democrats’ Water in Debate I

By Tony Perkins

Last night was supposed to belong to Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. But the biggest story of the first debate wasn’t the candidates answering the questions — it was the person asking them. In one of the most talked-about plots of the first head-to-head, moderator Lester Holt seemed intent on making the debate a three-person affair — injecting himself with almost as many challenges to Trump as the person officially opposing him. For most of the night, the Republican nominee was fending off not one — but two — attackers, repeatedly put on the defensive with topics that had nothing to do with the major issues facing America.

Meanwhile, the former Secretary of State, who’s probably spent as much time under investigation by Congress as she did as a Member of it, skated by virtually unscathed by Holt’s one-sided fact-checking. While he fiercely pressed Trump on his tax returns and concerns over President Obama’s birthplace, he couldn’t spare a single question on the corruption of the Clinton Foundation, her role in Benghazi, or the intentional deletion of tens of thousands of sensitive emails, or her outrageous “basket of deplorables” comment. Social media lit up with criticism for the NBC anchor, who many accused of shilling for the Clintons.

Holt’s bias is difficult to argue when you consider that he interrupted Trump 41 times demanding clarification — six times the amount he interrupted Clinton (seven). He “emerged as bruised and partisan,” The Hill argued. “Holt entered the evening largely respected as non-partisan. He [exits] as the toast of left-leaning media…” Part of the problem was Holt’s lack of focus. At a time when America is dealing with terror attacks on our own soil, a military in complete disarray, and a culture melting down before our very eyes, voters deserved to hear about more important things than Trump’s tax returns.

As for the actual substance of the debate, viewers were probably surprised to see a more restrained version of Donald Trump than they’re used to. Trump landed plenty of good jabs on America’s devastating trade and Iranian deals, but sidestepped some key opportunities to go on offense, especially when it came to Clinton’s email scandal — which made up a whopping 15 seconds of the hour and a half event. “I will release my tax returns — against my lawyer’s issues — when she releases her 33,000 emails that have been deleted,” he said. It was almost surreal, then, when the former Secretary of State tried to talk about the importance of cyber security — after committing one of the most dangerous breaches of it in U.S. history. “We are not going to sit idly by and permit state actors to go after our information, our private-sector information or our public-sector information,” Clinton had the audacity to declare, after risking countless lives with her own carelessness on top-secret emails.

The real estate mogul’s biggest payoff came in the first 30 minutes when he assumed complete control of the economic issues, hammering back on the Left’s prosperity-is-evil doctrine. Of course, the reason liberals hate personal success is because it makes people less reliant on the government they’re desperate to grow. Wisely, Trump refused to run from his success and instead embraced it as an example of what’s possible when Americans are left (unburdened by Washington) to pursue their own ingenuity. Clinton, meanwhile, was all but drowning in her disgust of the more fortunate, alienating plenty of voters along the way with her mockery of the trickle-down economics made famous by Ronald Reagan.

Like the ghost of former Democratic candidate Walter Mondale, she recycled old talking points about the ineffectiveness of the approach (which happened to produce three times as many net jobs as President Obama’s debt-funded “recovery”). Then she continued her party’s push to make government the unofficial police of income equality. That’s not only a terrible idea, but an unnecessary one, as author Arthur Brooks points out in his book Who Really Cares. Combing through piles of financial data, he found that the 30 percent of Americans who think the government should do little or nothing about economic inequality gave away, on average, four times more of their income than the 43 percent who said the government should do something. And the majority of those Americans are religious. Conservatives — the same ones who oppose this redistribution of wealth — are among the most generous people on earth. But contrary to Hillary Clinton, they call what they give to churches contributions, and what they give the government, taxes.

It was one of the many profound differences in philosophy on display last night. Another was the role of the judicial system. In a largely overlooked section of the debate, the Yale Law School graduate declared that the courts had struck down the Stop-and-Frisk program because it “did not do what it needed to do.” “Stop-and-frisk,” she insisted, “was found to be unconstitutional, in part, because it was ineffective.” As Secretary Clinton well knows, however, such a simplistic characterization of the law based on the specific circumstances in one case is not accurate; the procedure is perfectly legal in many situations. Secretary Clinton owes the American voter an honest assessment of the problems she attempts to describe – as these voters are already weary of activist judges of dishonest politicians.

By the end of the night, if voters wanted a clear contrast, they found it. In one candidate, they have a continuation of the last eight years. In the other, an agent of change who terrifies the Left. Let’s pray America chooses wisely. For more on the stark differences between the two candidates, check out FRC Action’s updated presidential voter guide, available here. For more on my reaction from inside the debate hall, make sure to follow me on Twitter @TPerkins



Phoenix Mayor Blinded by Dust Storm; Progressivism is Business Killer

Phoenix Mayor Greg Stanton claims progressivism is the better plan for business. That’s what he actually told the Phoenix Business Journal.

It seems that ever since the last time a haboob passed through Phoenix area, the mayor’s vision and ability to reason have been severely clouded!

Obviously, the mayor has not been able to see the moving trucks coming in from California and heading for Texas. They’ve left the socialist state for a state that welcomes businesses and doesn’t overburden them with excessive taxation and regulation.

It is evident the mayor doesn’t know that where the minimum wage has been raised — to the lofty heights of $15 an hour in some locations — some have lost their jobs. Many small businesses cannot afford that exorbitant rate, which also means fewer part-time jobs are available.

Stanton also fails to acknowledge that America’s Socialist In Chief, B.H. Obama, has threatened to put out of business those who refuse to provide abortion coverage in their health insurance plans. Through his Obama abortion mandate, the prez would rather harm the business community and the economy, putting families out of work, raising money for Planned Parenthood. He’d rather stand in the way of small businesses, religious colleges and faith-based organizations than allow the economy and the business market to thrive. That’s astounding, mayor.

Progressives have long been strangling businesses in red tape, over-regulation and interference with their ability to survive. This is why we hear about American workers forced to train foreigners to take their jobs and why we lose business to other nations. Think Government Motors moving auto plants to Mexico — where Mexicans gain employment and Americans lose employment.

Progressivism is socialism, which means Big Government, small citizen, small private business.

Obama actually once told businesses, “Now is not the time for profits.” But that’s not surprising for a socialist progressive who prefers that government keep its all-powerful thumb on business.

And that leads us right to unions. Progressives reap huge campaign contributions from unions because they are downright anti-business.

Progressives are also bullish on illegal aliens — future Democratic voters and underminers of the American worker.

Furthermore, progressivism has damaged our public education system for decades, eroding America’s ability to train the workers we need for an efficient business climate and economy. Foreign nationals are getting engineering and doctor’s jobs here because the schools are not preparing enough Americans for those high-paying jobs.

So, bottom line, Mayor Stanton: stop dreaming and stop lying. Clear out your vision and admit the truth. Progressivism is a detriment to business. Conservatism, capitalism create the optimal business climate and represent the best interests of the American worker and the families they feed.

Remember this as election time nears and as you vote. Vote smart. Vote against progressivism, which is the perfect recipe for economic and business failure. Remember also: it was progressive socialists who forced the housing market fiasco that cost many a good American his/her retirement.

Post Warns Trump Election ‘Blows Chance for Confronting Russia’

By  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnJackson Diehl, deputy editorial page editor of the Washington Post, issued a stern warning to voters that “the election of Donald Trump would risk undermining our opportunity to blunt Russian imperialism in Syria. The United States is far stronger than Putin’s Russia. We must not let them succeed.”

“In contrast,” the Diehl pointed out, “Secretary Clinton understands the importance of maintaining a balance of power between the Assad regime and the Islamic State in the region and can be counted on to reject Putin’s plea that the United States and Russia forge a common front against Islamic terrorism.”

Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway called the Post editorial “as clear a proof of the need for change in this country’s leadership as we could have hoped to see. Mr. Diehl and Hillary Clinton are mired in the last generation’s cold war ideology. Russia is no longer the Soviet Union. While we may have our differences with Putin it should be obvious that the main threat to peace and civilization in our current era is Islamic terrorism.”

Conway’s remarks on behalf of Trump were labeled “ignorant” by Clinton campaign manager Robby Mook. “They illustrate why the steady hand of a person like Secretary Clinton is needed at the helm. Her experience in government as First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State have prepared her for making the hard choices regarding international affairs. She has participated in decisions to kill our enemies—experience Trump can only imagine. She has worked side-by-side with President Obama to craft the nuanced policy that has served this nation so well during the current Administration. Voters would be daft to throw that away.”

In related news, Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest complained that “Trump’s repeated use of the term ‘Islamic terrorism’ undermines our battle to win the narrative. It’s the Islamic State that is touting the conflict as a jihad inspired by the Quran. Our goal has to be to short-circuit their bid to define what is happening. Use of neutral terms like ‘man caused disaster’ are essential if we are to control the narrative.”

Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton seconded Earnest’s interpretation and went one step further by contending that “Trump’s words give aid and comfort to this nation’s enemies. That’s treason. He must be held accountable for that and he will have to face the consequences of his actions after I’m elected president.”

IRS to Warn Uninsured

Irked by the decision of 20 million Americans who have declined to sign up for Obamacare, the IRS is crafting a letter to advise them of the “antisocial implications” of non-participation.

Commissioner John Koskinen explained that “failure to enroll evinces a lack of cooperation with a policy that the government has determined is necessary. Non-compliers may feel that enrollment is optional. It is not. That’s why there is a fine. Paying the fine doesn’t get them off the hook.”

Koskinen pointed out that “not only does the amount of the fine ratchet up each year, our Agency has other tools at its disposal to try to encourage obedience. We can conduct audits, freeze bank accounts, and seize assets as a means of compelling the recalcitrant to yield to the government’s wishes. We regard advising people of their peril by letter to be a most considerate measure to help them avoid unwanted complications from continued noncompliance.”

In related news, Koskinen told the House Judiciary Committee that he doesn’t deserve to be impeached for lying to Congress because “I was not fully informed that Agency subordinates had illegally destroyed documents under House subpoena. I, like so many others, at the highest levels of government, have been betrayed by feckless or malicious subordinates.” Koskinen blamed “civil service regulations that tie the hands of those appointed by the President to carry out his policies. We don’t have a free hand to replace disloyal employees with others committed to his cause.”

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) characterized Koskinen’s stance as “ludicrous. First, the IRS engaged in illegal discriminatory treatment against conservative groups. Then they covered up the evidence. Now the Commission wants us to believe that non-political civil service employees are the real problem? It looks like the rot at the IRS seeps down from the uppermost level.”

Treasury Says Billions Paid to Iran Not Used to Fund Terrorists

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew told the House Financial Services Committee that “we have no evidence that the billions of dollars we have released to Iran in the past year have been used to fund terrorism. In fact, the government of Iran has assured us, in no uncertain terms, that not one dollar has been used to directly finance any terrorist group.”

Lew admitted that “we have no real way of knowing. We didn’t record the serial numbers of any of the bills we handed over” as “this would not have shown good faith. Friendship is built upon a certain measure of trust. If we don’t trust, if we’re always demanding proof, I don’t see how our two nations can ever hope to be friends.”

Committee Chair Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-Texas) called Lew’s position “stunningly naive. Iran has been a major funder of terrorist groups throughout the Middle East. The Obama Administration has been funneling cash to the regime by the bucket load, apparently ‘no questions asked.’ They are either insane or stupid beyond belief.”

In related news, members of Libya’s parliament have christened former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton “the butcher of Libya.” MP Jaballah Al-Shibani complained that “this evil witch took credit for killing Gadhafi, but we are worse off than we ever were under his government. Thousands of families have been destroyed by the radicals, with the women now living under Shariah law with no education, no good health, no schools, no good food, because of Hillary Clinton’s policies. Allah forbid she should gain even more power as America’s president.”

Is the Clinton Foundation a “Phony Charity”

Hillary Clinton’s run for the presidency has sparked greater interest in the activities of her family’s famous charitable foundation. The interest has uncovered some disquieting information.

For starters, a remarkably tiny share of all the donations to the Clinton Foundation end up financing aid to the needy. A recent accounting indicates that less than 6% goes out as charity. Over 90% funds the lavish travel expenses of the Clintons themselves and a bloated bureaucracy of Clinton family followers and political sycophants. In a well-run reputable charity the normal split is 75% to the needy, 25% to overhead and expenses.

Even the 6% flowing to needy recipients is not an unmixed blessing. The CHAI program to help AIDS victims appears to have distributed adulterated and diluted AIDS drugs to Third World victims. The Foundation has had a long-term relationship with Indian drug manufacturer Ranbaxy despite mounting evidence of persistently poor quality control. Although Ranbaxy’s drugs are now barred from being sold in the US, former President Clinton continues to praise and the foundation to distribute the company’s HIV/AID drugs to patients abroad.

Then there’s the case of Haiti, where the Foundation used 2010’s devastating earthquake to boost its donations. After Hillary promised to “make Haiti better than it was before the quake,” the Foundation’s efforts mostly netted lush construction contracts for a few (including Roger Clinton and Tony Rodham—Hillary’s brother) and amazingly minuscule benefits for Haitians. After promising to create 60,000 “good paying jobs” an estimated 9,000 jobs with an average wage of less than $4 per day have been generated. After promising to build 15,000 homes, fewer than 3,000 have been constructed.

Clinton rebuffed the criticisms as “nitpicking” founded on a “bean counting mentality. I don’t know much about the numbers, so I’m not concerned with how much goes where. In my mind, providing jobs for all the good people who work at the Foundation is a valid use of the funds. In the end it’s what’s in people’s hearts that really matters.”

Obama Says Americans Have to Give Up Freedoms

In his speech at the United Nations President Obama said that “in order to realize the promise of the UN, the US must give up freedoms. As we work toward the dream of a world government we have to realize that compromise is necessary. Much of the world is less free than America. We could stubbornly refuse to budge and try to hold onto our special status. Or we could be more adult and recognize we have to meet the unfree segment halfway.”

“For example, freedom of speech and religion are not as common elsewhere,” Obama pointed out. “We can’t expect to cram our values down the throats of the rest of the world. Likewise, Americans are far wealthier than they have the right to be. The world and its resources are the common inheritance of all humanity. We cannot justify our having more when others have less. A more equitable redistribution is the price we must pay for a unified world.”

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton echoed Obama’s sentiment, but counseled that “getting there from here won’t be easy. There will be a lot of resistance by Americans grown fat by hogging a disproportionate share of the world’s resources. That’s why I have proposed a universal right to emigrate from anywhere to anywhere. This is something that can be accomplished by executive action once I am president. As the population around the world becomes more homogenized in its values political institutions will be reformed to speed the implementation of social justice everywhere. We will abolish distinctions between rich and poor and empower common people everywhere to attain the equality that our progressive agenda has promised.”

Dems Assail Skittles Analogy

Donald Trump Jr.’s analogy employing a bowl of Skittles sparked outrage among defenders of increased Muslim immigration to the United States. In the analogy, the son of the presidential candidate took on the argument that only a few terrorists would be able to sneak into the country by hiding among the throng of refugees from Syria. Trump asked “suppose I offered you the opportunity to grab a handful of Skittles from a bowl in which just a few were poisoned, would you take them?”

The astoundingly dense Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) called Trump Jr. “a rotten apple that hasn’t fallen very far from the tree. Junior would have everyone believe that children fleeing the war in Syria are like poison candy. We know that the vast majority are not. And even if there are a few dozen terrorists hiding in the mix, well, the number of Americans that might be killed by them is tiny. The chances of being killed in an automobile crash are far higher. If we continue to allow Americans to be exposed to this risk surely the lesser risk of being murdered by a terrorist can be tolerated.”

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio agreed, saying “instances of genuine Islamic terror are vanishingly rare. As we have seen again this past week, the bigger threat is cops shooting unarmed black men. Until we can find a way of putting a stop to this menace I can’t see the purported urgency of stemming Muslim immigration just to placate xenophobes like Trump. As my good friend Sadiq Khan has urged, we need to adapt and realize that terror attacks are part and parcel of modern urban life.”

Meanwhile, London’s Muslim Mayor Sadiq Khan continued his campaign tour on behalf of Hillary Clinton, telling American voters that “immigrants into the West shouldn’t have to assimilate. The Quran commands the faithful to go forth and claim the world for Allah. Insisting that these immigrants must give up this holy quest and accept western values violates their freedom of religion.”

In related news, the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services admitted that it mistakenly granted citizenship to more than 800 Muslims slated for deportation as “security risks.” An additional 953 were naturalized despite outstanding deportation orders. Director Leon Rodriguez maintained that “these were honest mistakes that could’ve happened to anyone. On the one hand, we have the statutory law. On the other, we have the President’s ‘special action’ mandate. Charting a proper course between this Scylla and Charybdis is no easy task. Frankly, I’m surprised the errors didn’t amount to thousands or tens of thousands.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect. 

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.