Big City Woes

Over the Memorial Day weekend there were 53 shootings–eleven of them fatal–in the City of Chicago. It was the bloodiest Memorial Day weekend since 2015. Mayor Brandon Johnson (D) blamed this carnage on “the community disinvestment, poverty, and trauma that our city has struggled with far too long.”

Interim Police Department Superintendent Fred Waller said “it pains me knowing that too many of our residents have seen or experienced this proliferation of gun violence. No one should fear for their own safety in their own neighborhood.”

The first action of the Chicago City Council following these murders was to approve spending $51 million to support the more than 10,000 illegal aliens that have arrived in the city since August of 2022. Johnson applauded the spending, calling it “necessary to offset the population decreases caused by intractable crime and migration to other safer areas of the country.”

The most vociferous opposition to this spending at the City Council meeting was a complaint that “this money should have been used to fund a Chicago Reparations Ordinance to compensate Blacks for the harms done to us by slavery and Jim Crow.”

Meanwhile, San Francisco is facing similar problems due to similar governing policies by its Democrats. The once vibrant downtown is plagued by lawlessness, human feces pollution, and boarded up stores. San Francisco Travel, a local tourism boosting organization, released an ad asserting that “now is a better time than ever to visit the city by the bay. Crowds are the smallest they’ve been since the 1906 earthquake. There are more under-used porta-potties per square mile than ever before. And daily free family-friendly drag queen street performances. So come and like the great Tony Bennett song urges, leave your heart in San Francisco.”

DNC Refuses to Hold Debates

Though there are currently two candidates–Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Marianne Williamson–running against Joe Biden for the Democrat Party’s presidential nomination, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) refuses to schedule any debates.

Actor James Van Der Beek objected to “this antidemocratic decision. Shouldn’t voters have the opportunity to see the candidates and hear what they have to say about governing the country? Do we have a government by the people? Or are we the pawns of big banks, big business, big tech, big pharma, big government, big whatever?”

Presidential Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre defended the “no debates” stand of the DNC, saying “why should President Biden, the leader of the free world, be forced to endure the jibes of these would-be usurpers of his power? Kennedy can barely talk and Williamson is a kook. Why should voters be subjected to hearing their nonsense?”

Jean-Pierre went on to point out that “Williamson is not a serious candidate. Remember she ran in 2020 but dropped out before the Iowa caucuses. Why waste time on her again. Kennedy, rather than appreciating how the President heroically led us out of the pandemic, has vowed to prosecute Pfizer for supposedly pressuring the government to force its vaccine on the public just so it could get billions of dollars in profits from the subsidies the President gave them in order to to make sure that everyone could get vaccinated for free.”

Immigrants Make Guv Look Bad

In order to persuade suburbs to take on a bigger share of the flood of illegal migrants in New York, Gov Kathy Hochul (D) characterized the invaders as “hopeful immigrants seeking work.”

Unfortunately, the 5,000 immigrants being housed in the Row New York City Hotel show no sign of being interested in work of any kind. Site Administrator Carlos Arrellano said that “when the immigrants arrive they are given rooms that previously rented for $500 a night, free benefits, like Uber services, healthcare, car seats and cribs for children, laundry services, housekeeping, metro cards for the subway, and three meals a day.”

“Yet, they have trashed the hotel,” Arrellano added. “They take showers without using the shower curtains and are causing major water damage to carpets and furniture. They start cooking fires in their rooms. Adults and children wander the corridors and neighborhood drunk or high. They sell their metro cards for cash to buy drugs. Some of them carry guns even though guns are strictly illegal in this city.”

Hochul blamed the unruly behavior of the immigrants on “the incompetence of the mayor and the widely acknowledged evils of urban life” and inanely suggested that “the fresher air of the suburbs would be a better fit for these aspiring farm workers”–a suggestion that Mayor Eric Adams (D) strongly disagreed with. A potential compromise being discussed between them is to house immigrants in aircraft hangars at JFK Airport because they both agree that “people need shelter more than airplanes do.”

In other immigrant news, parents of children attending Chicago area schools are up-in-arms over the admission of unvaccinated immigrant children when locally born and raised children had to show proof of vaccination to be allowed in the school. Mayor Brandon Johnson argued that “it would be unfair to require non-citizens to be vaccinated since their parents had no right to vote. Like the first American patriots, I firmly believe in no vaccination without representation.”

Girls’ Sports Cannot Exclude Boys

In testimony at a House Education Committee hearing, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona defended the Biden Administration’s plan to modify Title IX rules that would bar federal aid to schools that exclude biological males from participating in girls’ sports.

“Our goal is to make all students feel welcome,” Cardona said. “We don’t think it’s fair that a person born with a penis should be barred from being on the girls’ teams for a birth defect over which that person had no control.”

Rep. Jim Banks (R-IN) pointed out that “biological males have some physical traits that would give them an advantage in sports over girls. At the high school and college levels males are on average bigger, stronger, and faster than the females. How is it fair to insist that males who choose to compete on the girls’ teams must be allowed to in order to receive federal aid for school lunches?”

“Well, it is our money,” Cardona asserted. “Schools that want a piece of it need to play by our rules. Rather than defend out-dated social conventions regarding sexuality we need to adapt to the reality that there is no sharp line dividing male and female. Nearly half of today’s teenagers describe their sexuality as ‘fluid.’ Going with the flow makes more sense than fighting the current.”

Reinstatement Amendment Fails

Sen. Rand Paul’s (R-KY) “Support the Reinstatement of Trained and Effective Firefighters” amendment to the “Fire Grants and Safety Act” (S.870), was voted down by a 54-45 margin in the Senate. The purpose of this amendment was to end the embargo on rehiring firefighters who were discharged for refusing to be injected with the experimental covid vaccines.

Paul called the votes against his proposed amendment “bizarre. While there was little reason for requiring these low-risk young and healthy individuals to get the jab in the first place, there is no good reason now for barring them from rejoining the firefighting profession.”

Sen. Mitt Romney, one of only four Republicans (the others were Susan Collins, Mike Rounds, and Lisa Murkowski) to vote against the amendment strongly disagreed with Paul’s reasoning. “The fact that we now know that the vaccines are neither safe nor effective doesn’t change the fact that those ordering the injections had the authority to do so. Our country is built upon obedience to duly elected authorities like the president and his appointees. Those who refuse the orders given to them cannot be forgiven. To do so will breed future disobedience and chaos. I cannot abide restoring rebels within the bowels of as important a government function as firefighting.”

Biden Boasts He Got Carlson off the Air

At the annual White House correspondents dinner, President Biden boasted that one of the jobs he got done in the last year was “to get Tucker Carlson off the air.”

The mainstream media audience was mostly uncertain of how to respond, but a few boos were heard, to which Biden responded by saying “what are you booing about, like you think that’s not reasonable? Give me a break. I was elected to unify this country. Carlson’s continued criticism of me undermined our nation’s unity and our democracy. It was my sacred duty to silence him in whatever way that I could. Right now we have him where we want him. His contract with Fox runs till the end of 2024. He still gets paid, but he can’t say anything without Fox’s prior approval. He won’t be free to speak until I’m already reelected. Let’s see how the right-wingers who mock me as ‘addle-brained’ deal with me outsmarting them.”

RFK Jr Censored

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., the son of murdered Sen. Robert F. Kennedy (D-NY) and nephew of murdered President John F. Kennedy, has launched a campaign seeking the Democratic Party’s nomination for president. Two of the factors motivating his entry into the race are his disgust with the medical tyranny unleashed during the covid pandemic and the rampant censorship imposed on those who questioned this tyranny.

As many presidential candidates do, he agreed to be interviewed by ABC News. He was later stunned by the omission of his remarks on these two topics in the taped segment aired by ABC. Anchor Linsey Davis justified the censorship of this candidate’s views on the grounds that “his opinions on these issues are false. Officials at the CDC have declared that the vaccines developed to combat the disease are safe and effective. As journalists we couldn’t ethically air Mr. Kennedy’s opinions that they are not.”

Disappointed that so-called journalists at ABC News saw fit to censor his views, RFK, Jr. observed that “there is no time in history where the people who were censoring speech were the good guys. During the pandemic many of my social media posts questioning the wisdom of the lockdowns were labeled misinformation and taken down. This kind of behavior is a direct assault on our democracy. In the Bill of Rights, America’s Founders put the right to free expression in the First Amendment because all the other rights depended on it—because the government that has the power to silence its critics has license for any kind of atrocity.”

Apprised of RFK’s objections to her censorship, Davis laughed. “His reaction shows how out of step he is with the modern progressive Democratic Party’s way of thinking. Given the grievous danger disunity poses in today’s politics it is imperative that those who cherish our democracy stand against unwarranted dissent against our values and actions to protect those values. We here at ABC News will do whatever we have to to ensure that Mr. Kennedy’s campaign goes nowhere.”

In related news, as the publication of studies on the effects of the pandemic lockdowns continues to prove that critics like RFK were right about how damaging these policies were, Dr. Anthony Fauci is now saying that “I never closed down any school or business. I had no power to do so. All I did was suggest that these places could accelerate the spread of covid. It was others who acted on these suggestions that bear the responsibility for the lives ruined, suicides, and other negative outcomes that post-pandemic research is now discovering.”

Meanwhile, the demonstration of the covid vaccines’ failure to prevent infection or transmission of the disease has inspired the FDA to say that “vaccines no longer require a demonstration of the prevention of infection or transmission of the virus to be called a vaccine. All that is required is for the appropriate government agency to declare whatever substance it wishes to be called a vaccine.”

Arizona Legislature Fails to Override Veto of Popular Tamale Bill

PHOENIX, ARIZONA – In a surprising turn of events, the Arizona Legislature has failed to override Governor Katie Hobbs’ veto of the “Tamale Bill,” which would have made it legal for home cooks to sell their tamales to the public.

The bill, which had widespread support from both Democrats and Republicans in the state legislature, would have allowed for the sale of tamales made in home kitchens, which is currently illegal under Arizona’s food safety laws.

Supporters of the bill argued that it would have provided an economic opportunity for home cooks and small business owners, particularly those in Arizona’s Latino community, who have a rich tradition of making and selling tamales.

However, Governor Hobbs vetoed the bill, citing concerns about food safety and the potential for foodborne illness.

Despite efforts by lawmakers to override the veto, the bill ultimately fell short of the necessary two-thirds majority in both the House and Senate. The vote was 35-23.

Opponents of the bill, including some food safety advocates, praised Governor Hobbs’ decision to veto the bill.

The failure to override the veto of the Tamale Bill is sure to be a disappointment to many in Arizona’s Latino community, who have been pushing for the legalization of home-cooked tamales for years.

Congressmen Debate Gun Control

Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D–NY) and Rep. Thomas Massie (R–Ky) got into a shouting match over gun control this week. The fireworks started when Massie asserted that “there has never been a mass shooting in a school that allows teachers to carry.” Bowman called the statement “nonsense. More guns lead to more deaths.”

Statistics don’t support Bowman’s claim. Gun ownership in the US has risen such that there are now more guns than people. However, federal crime data show that homicides committed with firearms have declined from 7 per 100,000 people in 1993 to to 4.3 per 100,000 people in 2018 (the latest complete year information available). Nonfatal crimes involving guns during this period also declined by 71%.

Bowman dismissed this data as “irrelevant. I’m not going to be sidetracked by a slew of numbers. My concern is people. Those that I have talked to are afraid of guns and will feel safer if they are made illegal everywhere. If no one has guns, no one can be shot.”

Massie pointed out that “there is a difference between making gun-ownership illegal and making guns disappear. Persons determined to commit crimes will arm themselves regardless of whether doing so is illegal. Mr. Bowman’s approach amounts to unilateral disarmament of the innocent and law-abiding members of society. The ‘gun-free zones’ Democrats have established in schools become favored targets of homicidal maniacs. If we want to deter massacres we need to arm more of the personnel in these target areas.”

Bowman expressed confidence that “Massie’s argument is too complicated for the average voter to understand. Our simpler message wins more votes. In the long run, the only legal guns will be owned by the government. Anyone else possessing a firearm will be shot on sight by police or troops. China has successfully used this approach and has much lower homicide rates than the US. It is the only sane option.”

Teixeira Leaks Contradict Ukraine War Narrative

This week, FBI agents arrested 21-year-old Air National Guardsmen Jack Teixeira for his role in leaking classified military documents. While the Biden Administration has claimed that the billions in aid advanced to support Ukraine’s efforts in this war are succeeding, the classified military documents say otherwise.

According to General Mark Milley Russia has lost “well over 100,000 soldiers.” Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin told Congress that “Ukraine is winning the war.” However, the classified documents belie these assertions. According to these documents there have been an estimated 16,000 to 17,500 Russian casualties and as many as 71,000 Ukrainian casualties.

John Kirby, Assistant to the Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, has warned the media “to refrain from repeating the contents of the classified documents even though the content is accurate.” Kirby went on to clarify that further exposure of the truth would make them accessories to Teixeira’s treason. Lies are an integral strategy for winning a war. Deceit played a crucial role in the defeat of the Nazi war machine. The media’s assistance in propagating the perception that Ukraine is winning is vital to undermining Russian troops’ morale.”

Kirby dismissed Republican objections to being lied to as “unpatriotic. In times of crisis it is essential that all be united behind the strategy chosen by the nation’s Commander-in-Chief. They forget that it was their Party’s candidate for president in the 1944 election who patriotically opposed a Congressional investigation into the causes of the government’s failure to be prepared for the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. We ask them to do the same now to put aside their partisan bickering over the corruption of our Ukrainian ally, the waste of tax dollars, and the risk of widening the conflict into a nuclear war and sign onto President Biden’s pledge to do whatever it takes to ensure Russia’s defeat.”

Kirby assured that “the US troops that the leaked documents acknowledged are stationed in Ukraine are not there to engage in the fighting at the present time, but to serve as a ‘trip wire’ for stimulating public support for sending a larger force should any of them be killed or injured by Russian missiles or artillery. A similar strategy was used in 1941 to gain public support for the United States to enter what became World War II. I don’t know of anyone today who thinks that was a mistake then. So why not replicate it in Ukraine now when the casualties will be far fewer than at Pearl Harbor?”

In other military news, Secretary of the Navy Carlos Del Toro conceded that “we are no match for China’s People’s Liberation Army Navy. Within the next two years they will have 400 ships. We currently have fewer than 300. They have 13 shipyards, one of which has more capacity than all of ours combined. That’s why I have made climate change my top priority since the first day I came into office. If we can moderate the predicted sea level rise due to global warming there will be fewer square miles of ocean for the Chinese navy to dominate.”