Zuckerberg Touts "Threads" Superiority

In a bid to save America and the world from Elon Musk's "insanely uncontrolled free speech food fight," Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg pointed out how his "Threads" alternative to "Twitter" offers a "sane" alternative.

"Threads will provide a more comprehensive approach by collecting and managing our users’ health & fitness, financial information, contact information, user content, browsing history, usage data, diagnostics, purchases, location, contacts, search history, identifiers, sensitive info, and more," Zuckerberg said. "This will enable us to better protect our customers from receiving and transmitting harmful communications that could get them in trouble with the government."

"Twitter used to provide these protections, but under the new regime introduced by Musk the worst enemies of democracy and purveyors of disinformation will have free rein to assail naive users with their vile propaganda," Zuckerberg complained. "Instead of being silenced like he was before Musk took ownership, Trump will be free to use Twitter to inflict his insults and lies onto whomever he chooses."

Musk expressed his opposition to Zuckerberg's "infantilization of his customers. I'm confidant that Twitter users appreciate my respect for their freedom to read and say what they want without a 'nanny' deciding for them what they should read and say. The Declaration of Independence recognized this inalienable right 250 years ago. I don't think Americans want to surrender this right to a dweeb like Zuckerberg and his minions."

SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE by John Semmens