DNC Refuses to Hold Debates

Though there are currently two candidates--Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Marianne Williamson--running against Joe Biden for the Democrat Party's presidential nomination, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) refuses to schedule any debates.

Actor James Van Der Beek objected to "this antidemocratic decision. Shouldn't voters have the opportunity to see the candidates and hear what they have to say about governing the country? Do we have a government by the people? Or are we the pawns of big banks, big business, big tech, big pharma, big government, big whatever?"

Presidential Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre defended the "no debates" stand of the DNC, saying "why should President Biden, the leader of the free world, be forced to endure the jibes of these would-be usurpers of his power? Kennedy can barely talk and Williamson is a kook. Why should voters be subjected to hearing their nonsense?"

Jean-Pierre went on to point out that "Williamson is not a serious candidate. Remember she ran in 2020 but dropped out before the Iowa caucuses. Why waste time on her again. Kennedy, rather than appreciating how the President heroically led us out of the pandemic, has vowed to prosecute Pfizer for supposedly pressuring the government to force its vaccine on the public just so it could get billions of dollars in profits from the subsidies the President gave them in order to to make sure that everyone could get vaccinated for free."

SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE by John Semmens