Senator Dubs 1973 Roe vs. Wade ‘Super Precedent’

By  John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

JohnIn an attempt to disqualify prospective Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif), the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee, anointed 1973’s Supreme Court decision on Roe vs. Wade a “super precedent” that ought to be “immune from being overturned.”

The Senator rejected the possibility that killing a person without a previous finding of guilt by a jury might be contradictory to the Constitution’s Fifth Amendment. “I am dismayed by Judge Gorsuch’s view that the intentional taking of a human life by private persons is always wrong,” Feinstein lamented. “Surely, he must be aware that there are instances of life that is unworthy of life. The right of individuals to make such a determination and implement the necessary remedy was established by the revolutionary Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court ruling. It is appalling that a person who cannot recognize this eternal truth has been nominated for a seat on that Court.”

Feinstein also ridiculed Gorsuch’s support of the Little Sisters of the Poor’s resistance to fund abortion, calling it “a callous trampling of the rights of women granted by the Courts. The idea that nuns would be permitted to deviate from the policies mandated by our democratically-elected government is a travesty. Society has a right to insist that certain core values be recognized and enforced. We need justices who understand this and can be relied upon to rule in favor of preserving these values. Mr. Gorsuch is not a person we can rely on to do this.”

Neither was Feinstein assuaged by Gorsuch’s contention that legislatures, not judges, should make the laws. “When it comes to the law, legislators are amateurs,” the Senator asserted. “Statutes enacted by legislative bodies are riddled with errors. We must be able to count on the expertise of our judiciary to amend the laws and correct these errors.”

Democratic Vote Fraud Efforts Advance on Multiple Fronts

Despite the fact that it is illegal for non-citizens to vote in American elections, Nebraska Democratic Party chairwoman Jane Kleeb is quite proud of her Party’s initiative in including voter registration forms in the “Welcome to Nebraska” packages handed out to newly arrived immigrants.

“Rather than sit back and submit to the racist and xenophobic restrictions enacted by white men, I am pleased to say that the Democratic Party is reaching out to ensure that the human right to vote of these new Americans will be realized in our state,” Kleeb bragged. Kleeb acknowledged that “technically, registering non-citizens to vote violates Nebraska law. However, we remain confident that the courts will overturn this law and uphold the very basic human right of every person—citizen or not—to elect those who govern them.”

In notoriously corrupt Cook County, Illinois, Democratic operative and Fort Heights resident Wilbon Perry was nabbed by federal postal inspectors for attempting to cast ballots for a dozen individuals that were on the list of Ford Heights registered voters that he knew no longer lived in the County.

Perry confessed to both signing the mail-in-ballot applications and casting the votes, but justified his actions as “carrying out the intent of the voters” he impersonated. “These were all loyal Democrats and would’ve voted exactly as I voted for them if they hadn’t moved. I couldn’t sit idly by and allow the wrong person to win the election without trying to go the extra mile to stop it.”

Cook County Clerk David Orr averred that “I don’t think Mr. Perry’s efforts were of the magnitude needed to sway the outcome. His initiative, though, was commendable. His biggest mistake was using the address of a vacant lot for where the ballots should be delivered. This ‘rookie’ error is what tipped postal authorities off. I’m betting he won’t make the same mistake in the future.”

In Virginia, Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe vetoed a bill that would require the state Department of Elections to disclose the identities of individuals who are registered to vote in multiple states simultaneously to local registrars. As McAuliffe sees it, “providing registrars with such information would be unnecessarily burdensome. People who’ve moved out of the area aren’t likely to cast ballots from their old addresses. There’s no pressing need to invest time in scrutinizing voter rolls for duplicate registrations.”

This latest veto follows previous vetoes issued by the Governor to block photo IDs for absentee ballots, to block investigation of counties where more votes were cast than eligible voters residing in the county, and to block the registration of voters who withhold biographical information about themselves.

Instead, McAuliffe has been pushing to eliminate the registration requirement that voters must attest to their citizenship to be eligible, calling it “just plain silly. If a person lies about his citizenship how can we prove it? I think asking this question is demeaning. We’re better off using an ‘honor system’ and trusting people.”

McCain Calls Nunes’ Action “Very Disturbing”

This week, House Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif) disclosed that “there is substantial evidence that the Obama Administration gathered and disseminated covert surveillance material on the incoming Trump Administration. It seems like this might’ve been illegal.”

Arizona Sen. John McCain (R) was outraged by what he termed “an unprecedented violation of our national security. I’m sure that any covert surveillance of Trump ordered by President Obama was only done for very good reasons. By going public with this information Rep. Nunes has betrayed our former President and alerted those who treasonously conspired with the Russians to deny Hillary Clinton her right to be elected.”

“I am especially dismayed that President Obama’s heroic efforts to undo the damage done by the misguided voters who gave Trump an Electoral College victory on November 8th would be so casually undermined by a member of my own Party,” the Senator complained. “Rather than cooperate with the covert operation to discredit the wrongly elected usurper, Mr. Nunes has opted to side with tyranny.”

Presidential Press Secretary Sean Spicer thanked Sen. McCain “for blowing apart the narrative that the surveillance was ‘inadvertent.’ It seems pretty clear that members of the Obama Administration engaged in a conscious attempt to subvert President Trump. The leaking of this covertly collected intelligence to media co-conspirators broke the law. People are going to be fired. Others will end up in jail before this is all over.”

Meanwhile, “whistle blower” Dennis Montgomery says he has 600 million pages of government documents outlining years of Obama Administration covert surveillance of millions of Americans. McCain contended that “the fact is that tens of millions of Americans voted for Trump. I think that, by itself, vindicates the Obama Administration’s surveillance activities and shows the amazing prescience of the man.”

In related news, Rep. Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat on a House Intelligence Committee, insisted that “it is impossible to know whether I was previously aware of this surveillance. There are no witnesses to testify that I was. No one can prove that I was.”

Rapist Appeals Community Service Sentence

A lawyer for a 16-year-old Muslim immigrant to Sweden is challenging his 40 hours of community service punishment for raping a 13-year-old girl, calling it “unwarranted.” The sexual assault took place last July in Gothenburg. The assailant posted a video of the attack on the Internet.

“As one can see from the numerous comments on the video, it is the girl who was at fault,” claimed Kamal Humpur, a lawyer for the assailant who was only identified as “Ali” because he is a minor. “She had no covering. Her face was fully exposed. Clearly, she is a whore. Ali cannot be blamed for acting in accordance with how she presented herself.”

“Secondly, the trial was unfair,” Humpur added. “There were no Muslim witnesses to confirm her story. Under the laws of Islam, he cannot be convicted without the testimony of valid witnesses. It is the whore who should be punished. She ought to have her nose and ears cut off, but Ali still has feelings for her and would be satisfied if she is lightly whipped and given the opportunity to save herself by converting to Islam and agreeing to marry him.”

In other news from Sweden, a proposed £35 million fortress to protect police from being assaulted by Muslim immigrants in the “no-go-zone” in Rinkeby has a major problem: there is no safe way for police to commute from their homes to this police station. Christoffer Ersenius, local police union president, said he was “thankful that the workplace will be able to withstand the grenade attacks common to the district, but how are the men expected to reach this haven in the midst of this immigrant war zone?”

Humpur suggested that “instead of invading our space with this provocation the police need to back off and let us live by our own laws. They are the ones who reject the word and will of Allah. They are the unbelievers who will suffer the fires of Hell. If they submit to Islam the true believers would not be obligated to kill them.”

Rich New Yorkers Ask Governor to Raise Their Taxes

George Soros, Steven Rockefeller and Abigail Disney wrote to lawmakers and Democratic Gov. Andrew Cuomo asking that their taxes be raised. The push for higher taxes is also endorsed by the Fiscal Policy Institute, a liberal-leaning economic think tank.

While there is nothing stopping any of these billionaires from contributing as much of their wealth to the state government as they see fit, Ron Deutsch, the Fiscal Policy Institute’s executive director, explained that “a voluntary donation by those who could afford it would not compel others who may disagree with the fiscal plans of the state to pay anything. Unless these dissidents are also required to fund the state these enlightened few should not have to sacrifice one penny of the billions they have.”

“I find it refreshing that some of the richest and most powerful members of society are willing to take such a public stand in favor of coercing those less generous than themselves to hand over the cash necessary to fulfill the state government’s plans to repair infrastructure and redistribute wealth to those less fortunate,” Deutsch said. “In an ideal world all resources would be available to the government to distribute and use as society deems fit. It is shameful that anyone is able to withhold any property or wealth from allocation by the state.”

In related news, Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) castigated his fellow citizens “for putting their own needs ahead of those of the poor. I am ashamed to be living in a nation that fails to do everything it can to ensure the equal distribution of wealth to all.” Inasmuch as Sanders himself is very well off and owns three homes, it is unclear how sincere his demand for equality is.

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