Schools Struggle with Religious Intolerance

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

Contrasting styles of how to cope with differing religions in schools were demonstrated recently in Massachusetts and Germany.

In Massachusetts librarians at Simmons College in Boston issued The Anti-Oppression Library Guide to promote equality and limit religious persecution. The Guide urges students to “refrain from using trigger words like ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘God bless you’ after someone sneezes because these words constitute microaggressions against Muslims. Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas. And the notion that God should bless a non-Muslim is offensive to their faith.”

The Guide warns that “even unintentional or inadvertent use of such trigger words could unleash a violent response that Muslims would regard as fully justified. As far as Islam is concerned, unbelievers are subhumans who must submit to Muslim dominance or face extermination. It is best that confrontations on these matters be avoided if at all possible.”

In contrast, in the Peter Petersen Elementary School in Neukölln, Germany the Muslim majority students routinely bully non-Muslim classmates for insulting Islam by eating non-halal food like ham sandwiches or Gummy Bears or for being Jewish. School principal Hildegard Greif-Gross complains that “the rights of native Germans are being abused by these ungrateful immigrants. We are giving them an education that far surpasses what was available to them in the countries they emigrated from. Rather than appreciating what we are doing for them they are importing the barbaric ways of the countries they left behind.”

Local Imam Mulhed Ashat condemned the principal’s complaint, calling it “an insult to Islam. Kafirs have no right to criticize any Muslim for any reason. Allah gave all the world to his believers. Her life is forfeit to the first righteous Muslim who chooses to slay her.”

In related news, more Democrat voters in America believe Muslims are treated worse here (56%) than Christians are treated in Islamic countries (47%). This is despite substantial evidence of violent crimes committed against Christians in Muslim countries during 2017, including 3,066 killed, 1,252 abducted, and 1,020 raped or sexually harassed, and 793 churches attacked or destroyed. Almost all of these crimes were carried out by “moderate” Muslims, not Islamic terrorists. In contrast, the assaults against Muslims in the United States has averaged 50 per year over the past two decades. A possible explanation for Democrats’ mistaken beliefs is likely the discrepancy in media coverage. Muslims in the US have been granted “victim” status by the media. Crimes against Christians in Muslim countries have been mostly ignored.

Conn Guv Says NRA a “Terrorist Organization”

Connecticut’s Gov. Dannel Malloy (D) called the NRA “a terrorist organization” and announced his state will “boycott the NRA.”

“Their defense of gun ownership goes far beyond legitimate protection of the rights of hunters and ventures into explicitly anti-government intent,” Malloy argued. “In their fantastical vision, citizens need guns to be able to fight against tyranny. If that isn’t an out-and-out threat to authority I don’t know what is.”

“Citizens owning guns may have made sense when we were fighting the British for our independence,” Malloy ventured. “But times have changed. Under our democracy, the government is the people. It is nonsensical that citizens would any longer need guns to protect themselves from government oppression.”

“Ideally, only the government should have guns,” Malloy contended. “The next best option would be for the government to extend the privilege to select individuals or groups whose loyalty to the government is without question. These loyal citizens would constitute the ‘well-regulated militia’ that government officials could call upon to put down rebellions against its authority—as the writers of the Second Amendment originally intended.”

Senator Says “California Represents the Future”

Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif) vehemently denounced US Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ efforts to enforce federal immigration laws, calling them “a grievous and doomed attempt to thwart history. California represents the future toward which America is inexorably marching.”

“As Gov. Brown so eloquently pointed out, the so-called evils that Sessions claims to be trying to prevent are part of a worldwide evolution toward the more natural way of life being experienced outside of the United States.,” Harris maintained. “The notion that Americans can live above the standards that exist in other parts of the world is both selfish and unsustainable. Owning a home with indoor plumbing, heating, and electricity is a luxury that can only be allowed for a small elite. The sooner we reconcile ourselves to this reality, the sooner we will stem the necessity of people migrating here in hopes of a better life.”

Harris admitted that “the average American may be ill-suited to adapt to this emerging return to a more natural state of existence. Our saving grace, though, is that under our state’s open-borders agenda the vast majority of those entering the country from Latin America and the Middle East are ideally suited to this life style. So, there is a replacement population that is flowing into the country of its own free will. And I am proud to stand with visionaries like Gov. Brown and Mayor Schaaf who are working diligently to accelerate this transformation.”

Part of Schaaf’s diligent work included warning illegals in her city of the recent ICE raid. This enabled an estimated 800 to escape apprehension. Of the 232 caught by ICE, 115 (~50%) had prior felony convictions for serious offenses, such as child sex crimes, weapons charges and assault, or had past convictions for significant or multiple misdemeanors. “While the 50% proportion of common criminals among the immigrants rounded up by ICE seems high, let’s not forget that we force these people into the criminal classes by making them sneak into the country,” Schaaf reminded. “If we welcomed them in and gave them apartments, food stamps and other amenities unavailable in their home countries they would have less reason to prey upon our citizens. So, I blame Trump, Sessions, and the other racists who would deny these people their human right to live wherever they choose.”

Planned Trump-Kim Meeting Irks Soros

Billionaire donor to the Democratic Party George Soros is apoplectic over the announcement that President Trump has agreed to meet with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un within the next two months to discuss nuclear disarmament of his country.

“This never should have happened,” Soros complained. “I paid $30 million to defeat Trump in the 2016 election. I’ve funded street protests and riots to try to undermine his administration. I’ve been working tirelessly with the FBI and media to generate a scandal that will drive him from office. That this Korean twit would wreck my efforts by yielding to Trump’s pressures and threats is yet another unexpected setback.”

“We were so close,” Soros lamented. “The aid provided to Kim by Presidents Clinton and Obama helped North Korea attain nuclear power status. While North Korea could never conquer the United States, the possibility that Kim could’ve nuked Guam or maybe landed a missile within the US borders should have paralyzed any rational US leader. Trump’s maniacal and unfair threat to annihilate North Korea for any attack changed the course of history for the worse. It’s beginning to look like our only hope is for the US intelligence community to take Trump out like they took out JFK after he vowed to dismantle the CIA.”

Dem Promises Reparations by 2020

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) promised an audience in Selma, Alabama that “we will provide reparations for slavery to all African-Americans by 2020 if we take back the House this November. We are going to divert those billion dollar tax cuts Trump gave to corporations and white people and pay off every Black man, woman, and child in America, except for ‘Uncle Toms’ like Ben Carson.”

Waters brushed aside difficulties in trying to distinguish between whites who owned slaves and the millions of white soldiers who fought in the Civil War that ended slavery in this country. “It’s not about guilt or liability,” she clarified. “It’s about racial equality. Those whites who died to free the slaves still had it better than the slaves did. Today’s whites have it better than Blacks. Equality demands that this disparity be eliminated.”

To help drive home her point, Waters targeted fellow legislator House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s $90 million in personal assets as “a pot of money we will be looking to redistribute among African-American members of congress. Lord knows I love Nancy like a sister, but she’s got to do her sisterly duty by me and the other members of the Black Caucus. Poor old Charlie Rangel wouldn’t have had to cheat on his taxes if he could’ve had a share of Nancy’s stash. It’s a simple matter of social justice.”

For her part, Pelosi pronounced Waters’ intention “noble of heart, but impractical in reality. Those of us in government have got to stick together rather than fight among ourselves over the few crumbs in my bank account. The Federal Reserve can print more than enough money for every descendant of a former slave to get a generous payout. There is no need for her to covet my money. My ability to hold my seat in congress and to campaign for equality is founded on the leisure provided by the income I obtain from my investments. Surely Maxine wouldn’t want to take that away from me.”

Waters tried to reassure Pelosi that “we’re not going to take it all. When you and I are evened out is when we’ll stop redistributing your wealth and move on to the next person in line.”

A Satirical Look at Recent News

John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.

Please do us a favor. If you use material created by The Arizona Conservative, give us credit and DO NOT change the context. Thank you.By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

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