By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
A letter to Defense Secretary James Mattis from House Armed Services Committee Democrats Reps. Anthony Brown (Md), Robert Brady (Pa), Susan Davis (Calif), Jackie Speier (Calif), Beto O’Rourke (Texas), Donald Norcross (NJ), Ruben Gallego (Ariz) and Salud Carbajal (Calif) chastised the Pentagon for its “lack of a proper gay pride celebration.”
Annual homosexual pride celebrations at the Pentagon started in 2011 during the Obama Administration after the president abolished the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy toward homosexuals in the military that had existed since Clinton era. This year’s homosexual pride event lacked participation by top level brass. Only Army Sgt. Maj. Daniel Dailey and Vee Penrod, acting secretary for manpower and reserve affairs attended.
The letter complained that “the lack of visible approval by top leaders undermines the gains championed by President Obama. The absence of demonstrative support from DOD leadership at events like these can have the effect of isolating our LGBT service members and employees.”
The House Democrats were incensed by Mattis’ response saying that “our job is to defend this country from its enemies. Training and retaining troops that are willing and able to perform this vital mission is our primary concern. The attention and efforts of our leadership is focused on this concern. Whether a soldier is gay or not isn’t relevant to the success of our primary mission.”
Rep. Brown called Mattis’ response “insensitive and insolent. It is not for him to decide whether the standards set by former President Obama for celebrating diversity aren’t relevant to the military mission. It is his duty to obey the civilian authorities and implement the priorities we have chosen. A focus on battlefield proficiency cannot be permitted to trample the social objectives President Obama mandated.” Unfortunately for Brown’s argument, Mattis is following current President Trump’s order to improve the fighting strength of US armed forces.
In related homosexual news, after a nationwide manhunt, a Canadian man named Bill Whatcott is facing up to two years in prison for handing out pamphlets warning of the health risks of anal sex at a homosexual pride rally in 2016. Toronto prosecutor Herman Butz said “the apprehension of this dangerous criminal is a major coup for the Trudeau Administration. The health risks of homosexuals is none of Mr. Whatcott’s concern. Reminding homosexuals of these risks at their festive celebration was offensive. In the bigger picture, the fate of Mr. Whatcott is inconsequential. The government has to make an example of him to deter others from engaging in this kind of hate speech against a protected group.”
Congresswoman Complains of Harassment
Earlier this week, Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) praised mobs that drove a couple of Trump Administration officials from a restaurant and movie theater. She urged more of this “mob justice,” saying “if you see anybody from that cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd. You push back on them. Tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere!” Now she is claiming to fear for her life after her statement urging crowds to harass Trump and his supporters inspired some Trump supporters to harass her—including a crowd outside her palatial estate chanting “no peace, no sleep.”
“I called for the people to exercise their constitutional right to drive Trump supporters from public places,” Waters said. “Public places belong to the people. Trump supporters—members of his cabinet and voters—have no right to enter these places if the people forbid it. Trump and his minions are the fascists that are tyrannizing this country. The people have a right to resist this by any means necessary. The fascists harassing me are usurping a power that is not their prerogative.”
Over at CNN, commentator Angela Rye bristled at contentions by fellow Democrats Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Chuck Schumer that Waters’ efforts to incite mobs to harass Trump Administration officials were “uncivil” and “un-American.” “Democrats don’t have the votes to stop Trump in Congress,” Rye pointed out. “Taking it to the streets, as Maxine urged, is the only viable strategy. Opposition to this strategy conceived and articulated by a Black woman is racist.” The Congressional Black Caucus expressed similar sentiments.
Studies Find Criminal Behavior Explains Crime Stats
Leftist politicians cite the disproportionate ratio of Blacks among the criminal population as “evidence” of racism among law-enforcement personnel. Two recent studies undermine this contention.
One study by professors from Michigan State and Arizona State universities– “Is There Evidence of Racial Disparity in Police Use of Deadly Force?”–analyzed officer-involved fatal shootings in 2015 and 2016. This study found that the higher rates of Blacks getting shot by cops matched the higher rates of Blacks engaging in criminal behavior. A second study done by Harvard economist Roland G. Fryer Jr. found that police officers were more reluctant to use deadly force against Black suspects. According to crime statistics, Blacks account for 62% of robberies, 45% of assaults, and 57% of murders. This is despite Blacks comprising less than 13% of the population.
Black Lives Matter activist Buster Head complained that “these stats don’t account for the millions of Black slaves who were robbed, assaulted, and murdered by their white owners prior to the Civil War. The so-called crimes that Blacks are being arrested for, imprisoned for, or killed for today are better understood as spontaneous efforts at obtaining reparations for those earlier crimes committed against Blacks by whites.” A flaw in Head’s argument is the fact that the majority of the victims of crimes committed by Blacks are Black.
In related news, Simran Jeet Singh, the Henry R. Luce Initiative in Religion in International Affairs Post-Doctoral Fellow at NYU’s Center for Religion and Media, denounced civility, calling it “an attempt to impose white values on persons of color. Discussion and debate are white methods for controlling the decision making process. In other cultures personal combat is deemed a more equitable way of deciding who shall rule. Demanding that persons of color adopt white methods is tyranny.”
Rosenstein Tells a Story
This week, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein testified before the House Oversight Committee where he steadfastly continued to refuse to turn over FBI documents to Congress. He attempted to fend off GOP critics by telling them a “hypothetical” story.
“Suppose there is a patriotic public servant who is trying to defend the nation against a dangerous person who is seeking to seize control of the U.S. Government,” Rosenstein suggested. “Wouldn’t we want that public servant to use whatever means are necessary to achieve this objective? Suppose one of the means chosen was infiltrating informers into the inner circle of this dangerous man? Suppose concocting information that would discredit this man were deployed? Would we really want this public servant to reveal the content of the documents that were used to organize these extraordinary efforts to save the country from this dangerous man? Would we really want to expose the identities of other patriotic public servants who assisted in the effort to save the country? Well, that is precisely what Mr. Nunes, Gowdy, et al are demanding that I do. I must refuse.”
Rosenstein went on to characterize his approach as “more merciful than some others in the FBI who pushed for the more permanent solution of simply physically neutralizing the threat. If that view had prevailed I or some other Department of Justice attorney would still be sitting here refusing to turn over documents and name names, but Donald Trump would be dead. Shouldn’t the Committee be grateful that my more measured course was able to prevail? At this late date, does the Committee really want to push the FBI to take the simple solution to protect itself? Wouldn’t it be better to let the current process for ousting the dangerous man work its way to a more peaceful resolution?”
Thoroughly disgusted, Committee Chairman Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) gave Rosenstein another extension of the deadline by which he is asked to turn over the requested documents and threatened impeachment if the documents aren’t delivered. A defiant Rosenstein later told staffers that “we will never yield to this congressional POS,” mocked the threatened impeachment as “a pipe dream that they’ll never get the two-thirds of the Senate needed to convict,” and offered to bet anyone $10,000 that “Trump will be impeached before I am.”
Meanwhile, over in the House Judiciary Committee, FBI anti-Trump conspirator Peter Strzok dodged questions related to his text message promising fellow conspirator Lisa Page that “we will stop him” (meaning stop Trump from becoming president), insisting that “it was just one of the many lies I told her to get into her pants” and asserted that “my hatred of Trump played no part in my role as lead investigator of both him and Secretary Clinton.” Strzok additionally maintained that “national security prohibits me from disclosing any details about the alleged FBI animus against Mr. Trump or the confidential efforts underway to save America from this monster.”
Bill Clinton Assails Trump
Former President Bill Clinton took the occasion of his appearance on The Daily Show to assail President Trump for “pouring poison down the country’s throat.” The issue that inspired Clinton’s reemergence on the political scene was immigration.
“It started before he was elected when he criticized the Obama Administration for letting too many criminals into the country,” he said. “Sure, some of these immigrants rape and murder Americans, but not all of them do. And blocking criminals from entering America merely shifts the problem south of the border where law-enforcement is less effective in tracking down and apprehending suspects.”
“When I was president the only thing I poured down anyone’s throat was a little bit of semen,” the ex-president smirked. “Monica loved it. She even saved her dress when some of the semen spilled on it. I made her famous. Trump hasn’t made anyone famous except himself. That’s a key difference right there that would win me an election against him if the Constitution didn’t prohibit me from running.”
Dems Warn of Dangerous Prosperity
The federal government’s Bureau of Economic Analysis (BEA) reports that for the first three months of 2018 U.S. corporations have repatriated over $300 billion in profits earned in foreign countries. This compares to $35 billion for the same quarter of the previous year. The surge in incoming money was attributed to the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act passed late in 2017. These economic results were a matter of major concern to Democrats.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) ominously warned of “the danger this kind of runaway prosperity represents to civilization. This ugly turn undermines the progress former President Obama made toward getting Americans used to more modest ways of living. It fuels materialism and diverts people from the sacrifices needed for sustainability.”
Former President Barack Obama concurred with Pelosi’s assessment and advised Democrats “to get out and vote against what Trump is doing to the country. Combined with the surge in job openings that has already occurred, the ballooning profits of the economy will dramatically change incentives and opportunities across a broad swath. More individuals will be forced off of welfare and into jobs. Not only will this diminish the leisure time of millions it will also hack away at the jobs of public servants who administer these vital programs. The delicate stasis I worked so hard to establish will be blown away by a prosperity that we don’t deserve and will be difficult to undo even if Democrats retake control of government.”
Film propagandist Michael Moore called for “the masses to put their bodies on the line to stop Trump” and recommended they see his upcoming movie “Fahrenheit 11/9, which details the sinister plan of the Trump Administration to turn every American into a soulless millionaire. When workers are poor they are united and motivated to build socialism. But if Trump makes everyone rich he will destroy that solidarity and possibly put socialism out of reach in this country for generations.”
In related news, Sen. Richard Pan (D-Sacramento) has introduced a bill that would empower the State Attorney General to establish a “Ministry of Truth” to monitor social and other media and stamp out statements the government determines are false. “As it stands now, anyone can say whatever they want over any medium they choose,” Pan complained. “This creates a cacophony of unverified assertions. My bill would authorize the Attorney General to prosecute persons who say, send, or post statements that, in his judgment, are untrue. This will help heal the divisions in society by imposing a common set of facts that everyone can rely upon.”
A Satirical Look at Recent News
John Semmens is a retired economist who has written a weekly political satire for The Arizona Conservative since 2005. He says working on his satires is one of the ways he tries to honor the liberties our Founding Fathers tried to protect.
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