Biden May Allow ‘Small July 4th Gatherings’

By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News

In his first prime time address to the nation President Joe Biden boosted American morale by promising “we may be able to allow small July 4th gatherings, but only if everyone behaves between now and then. This means get your vaccination, wear your mask, keep your distance, wash your hands, and wait for our permission to mingle with other appropriately obedient and deserving family members, friends, and neighbors.”

The President cautioned that “we must not lapse into old habits of going where we want whenever we want and with whoever we choose. We have been advised by New York University medical ethics professor Arthur Caplan that we should deny normal freedoms to people who don’t want to be vaccinated. This will give them a greater incentive to conform with what all our experts say people should do. Once everyone is vaccinated, the CDC will be giving us more detailed instructions regarding the freedoms we will and won’t be permitted to exercise. Scofflaws must not be allowed to undermine the total unity we are trying to accomplish for America.”

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