New Immigration Enforcement Guidelines

By: John Semmens

Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Alejandro Mayorkas, announced new immigration enforcement guidelines for dealing with those who have illegally entered the country, saying “given the flood of border-crossers, the President has determined that it is impractical to try to enforce the laws as written. There are just too many lawbreakers. He has authorized us to focus on deporting those who pose a security threat. The rest will be dispersed around the country on their own recognizance until they decide to appear in court for their cases to be heard.”

The chief security threats mentioned by the Secretary were “actions or connections to white supremacy groups, possession or expression of disunifying ideas, and vaccine resistance. These are the flash points identified by the FBI, the President himself, and Dr. Fauci.” Mayorkas brushed aside reports of actual Islamic terrorists using our southern border as an access point, calling them “unproven. Until we see bombs going off or massacres erupting in public spaces, I think we can dismiss the fear that jihadi terrorism is a real threat. If anything, attacks from these people would be more likely to unify Americans behind the President.”

Mayorkas went on to point out that “20% of the border-crossers have tested positive for COVID. This is a much higher level of infection than we have here in America. The release of these immigrants should help persuade more Americans to get vaccinated. So in that sense, it is a positive influence for reducing vaccine hesitancy within the country.”

“The President made it clear to me that I am to use my discretion rather than robotically adhering to the existing statutes,” the Secretary added. “He considers the vast majority of those in the country illegally are a positive addition to our nation’s strength and that it would be foolhardy to yank away the welcome mat he laid down during his election campaign. He promised them sanctuary and that’s what he wants me to help him achieve.”

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