NAACP Warns Athletes about Texas

By: John Semmens

National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) president and CEO Derrick Johnson warned professional athletes against agreeing to play for teams located in Texas. The inspiration for this warning is the new Texas law limiting abortions after the baby's heartbeat is detected.

“One of the highly valued perks of being a pro athlete are the many opportunities for sex with nubile young women who are attracted by your physique,” Johnson pointed out. “Easy access to abortion was your parachute to escape a possible 18 years or more of child-support payments to a woman you hardly know. The new law rips this parachute to shreds.”

“Rather than having many months to persuade a young woman you've impregnated to have an abortion, you'll have maybe a few days or no opportunity before the heartbeat is detected,” Johnson said. “The millions of dollars you worked so hard to get could be whittled away because of a few moments of casual pleasure.”