Hillary Campaigning to Replace Kamala as VP

By: John Semmens

As Vice-President Kamala Harris’ poll numbers continue to sink far below those of the hapless President, former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has publicly expressed lavish praise for Biden’s “accomplishments.”

“On the legislative front, President Biden has induced Congress to increase federal spending by trillions of dollars,” Clinton pointed out. “This is more spending than any other president has been able to convince Congress to spend in such a short period of time. A lot of this spending will help shore up support for Democrats in states like Virginia where voters are rebelling against unresponsive government.”

“On the executive front, President Biden had issued more decrees than any other president in our history,” Clinton boasted. “He cancelled the Keystone Pipeline and saved the environment. He mandated that all Americans be vaxxed and saved the country from the covid menace. A byproduct of this courageous action is that it will also smoke out the selfish and disloyal people who continue to resist his orders and aid in terminating their livelihoods. This will clear the way for his ‘build back better’ transformation of our way of life.”

Clinton took on Biden’s low approval ratings with voters and attributed it to “stupidity and ingratitude. People don’t like the higher prices that have resulted from the President’s bold moves. But these are a necessary step for preserving the environment. Vaccination fatigue is understandable, but an unavoidable new reality. Repeated booster shots are a small price to pay for the protection from covid we all will need from here on. Finally, exposing and crushing the President’s political opponents will solidify the unity he promised us.”

Clinton went on to predict “that by this time next year the President’s approval ratings will be in the 90% range as will the Democratic Party’s majority in both Houses of Congress. I stand ready to help make this happen if I am asked to replace Kamala as his vice-president.”

In related news, Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) implored President Biden to “restart the Keystone Pipeline. The short-sighted decision to cancel this project threatens the nation’s energy security, destroys jobs, and increases the prices of everything that must be transported.”

Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm called Manchin’s concerns “hysterical. The President has authorized a draw down of 50 million barrels of crude oil from the nation’s strategic petroleum reserves. This will prevent all of the Senator’s fears from becoming realities.” This seems improbable since fifty million barrels amounts to about a three day supply at current usage rates.

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