Biden Falls Blamed On 'Climate Change'
By John Semmens — Semi-News — A Satirical Look at Recent News
This week President Biden fell three times on the stairs leading up to Air Force One (AF1). White House deputy press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre blamed “climate change. Scientists have been warning that our failure to take climate change seriously would have serious consequences. Well, the nearly gale force winds that brought the President to his knees and almost knocked me down are a manifestation of the kind of threat we face.”
White House communications director Kate Bedingfield added, “I know folks have seen that President Biden slipped on his way up the stairs to AF1, but I’m happy to report that he is just fine and did not even require any attention from the medical team who travels with him. We were lucky this time. Next time we may not be. The President told me that he hopes this near tragedy will motivate Congress to pass the Green New Deal before it's too late.”
Vice-President Harris pointed out that “there were similar incidents of near stumbles by Trump when he was president. Clearly, a pattern of increasingly dangerous weather fomented by fossil fuels is imperiling all of us. If Congress does not adequately address this crisis before President Biden is killed or severely injured, I will issue an executive order to implement the needed reforms to combat this global threat.”
According to the National Weather Service, winds at the site of AF1's departure were 20 miles per hour with gusts up to 25 mph. The wind did not prevent the President's plane from taking him to Atlanta so he might personally persuade Robert Long, the man arrested for killing eight salon workers, that he is a racist. “His claim that he did it to save himself from a sex addiction makes no sense,” Biden is said to have told his handlers. “I myself have found it hard to resist my urge to touch and sniff young women and girls, but I've never thought of killing them to save myself from this addiction. Since the majority of Long's victims were persons of Asian descent a much more logical explanation for his murder spree was Trump's blaming China for the COVID virus.”
