White House Unhappy with Media

By: John Semmens

President Biden says he is “losing patience with the media.” White House underlings have been engaged in closed-door meetings with major media outlets “to correct the negative impression being created by media reports on prices, crime, and other issues.”

Press Secretary Jen Psaki complained that “we thought these guys were on our side. Why do they have to report so much bad news? Take the issue of rising prices. The President hasn't raised the price on a single piece of merchandise. Every price hike has been made by the vendors. As the President has pointed out on several occasions, it is the vendors that must be held accountable for rising prices.”

“On the issue of rising crime,” Psaki continued. “The President hasn't personally shot anyone or stolen anything. It is not his fault that so many among us have exhibited these behaviors. He has patiently explained that it is racial injustice has driven oppressed peoples to take direct action to right the wrongs done to them by white supremacists.”

“We're not saying that the media needs to conceal these insalubrious trends,” the Press Secretary said. “They just need to go all the way and blame the true culprits. It was Donald Trump who catered to the selfishness that fueled the wrong kind of economic growth. Getting the country onto a track for a more wholesome economy requires tearing down the bad investments made prior to the Biden Administration. We need the media to persuade the people that the pain of this transformation is worth it. They need to remember that for them to get the billions in subsidies the President has promised they must assist in getting the Build a Better America program passed through Congress.”