Biden Sends Harris to Ukraine & Russia as Peace Envoy

By: John Semmens

Firmly convinced that Russia will invade Ukraine unless he can stop them, President Biden has tasked Vice-President Harris with “soothing the savage breasts of these potential combatants.”

Biden says he is optimistic for her prospects of success. “She is a woman known for her feminine wiles,” he pointed out. “Despite her lack of significant contributions to the public good in all the jobs she's had in the public sector and the unfavorable impression most ordinary people have of her, she has risen to the second-highest job in our government. She also has a very positive endorsement of her skills from former California Assembly Speaker Willie Brown who called them 'mighty fine.'”

“I figure calming the irascible Zelensky and Putin would be right up her alley,” the President predicted. “If she can get them to make love, not war, a great tragedy may be averted.”