Biden Wants to Revise Nominating Process

By John Semmens

From his perch as the head of the Democrat Party, President Biden is urging the Democratic National Committee (DNC) to revise the timing of the 2024 primaries. Traditionally, Iowa has been first with its caucus method of selecting delegates. New Hampshire has been second.

“Too often over the past fifty years, candidates have dropped out or had their candidacies marginalized by the press and pundits because of poor performances in small states early in the process before voters of color cast a vote,” Biden observed. “As we saw in the 2020 cycle, allowing these white states to lead nearly torpedoed my nomination. I did so poorly in in Iowa and New Hampshire that many were saying I ought to drop out. It was only when the venue shifted to South Carolina that my dominant showing convinced all my opponents to drop out of the race. Someone should not be the Democratic nominee and win a general election unless they show they have overwhelming support from voters of color.”

“Look how the country has prospered under my leadership.” the President said. “All of these achievements would’ve been lost if I hadn’t been able to overcome the handicap of a bad sequence of primaries. Going forward, South Carolina should be first, then Nevada and New Hampshire on the same day, then Georgia and finally Michigan.”

Biden also called for an end to the caucus option, saying “caucuses require voters to go vote in public and spend significant amounts of time to cast a vote. This disadvantages anyone who does not have the flexibility to go to a voting location at a set time. They also negate the opportunity for the ballot harvesting that has proved so vital in securing victory for the forces of democracy in both the 2020 and 2022 elections.”

A potential snag for the changes Biden wants is that state legislatures determine the timing and procedures that are used to select delegates for the Parties’ conventions. Getting them all to cooperate on a revised process won’t be easy. Claiming that the changes he proposes for the primary process are “just as essential for democracy to triumph over its right wing enemies as vaccines are to triumph over covid. If the states can’t get there acts together I will mandate the necessary reforms.”

In related news, during the White House Tribal Nations Summit, President Biden declared himself the greatest president in America’s history, saying “I tell you what, no one’s ever done as much as president as this administration’s doing. Period. I got more spending approved by Congress than any of my predecessors. I’ve enabled three million new citizens to enter through our southern border. I ended the war in Afghanistan. I got more covid vaccine jabs into more arms than any other world leader. I led the successful fight against the enemies of democracy in the recently completed elections. I wouldn’t be surprised if I am reelected more times than FDR was.”

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